Bil Cornelius | TBN

Bil Cornelius

Watch Bil Cornelius
March 6, 2017
27:32

Naked and Unashamed: How to Have Better and More Sex

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Bil Cornelius

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  • - Pastor Bil Cornelius:
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  • Many people go
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  • into the bedroom to "get some."
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  • And that's a guaranteed way
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  • to not get anything.
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  • It's crazy how this works.
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  • But if I'll go in to meet
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  • the needs of my spouse in loving
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  • her, and I'm not talkin'
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  • about just the bedroom,
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  • I'm talkin' about way
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  • before we ever to get to bed,
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  • meeting her needs
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  • in the kitchen, meeting
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  • her needs with our children,
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  • meeting her needs in our home,
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  • then typically, if I do
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  • those things and build a runway,
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  • [music]
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  • - Bill: You are the church
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  • - Bil: Welcome, great to have
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  • you here.
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  • Great to see you guys.
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  • Thank you so much.
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  • So what a shocker,
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  • our attendance is up
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  • when we're talkin' on sex.
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  • I'm so surprised.
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  • You know, now, I'm glad you guys
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  • are here.
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  • We're talking today
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  • about how to have more
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  • and better sex.
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  • And we're actually serious.
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  • We believe that God's Word is
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  • very clear on this.
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  • It's a good, healthy thing.
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  • It's not a bad thing.
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  • And he wants you to have
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  • a healthy sex life.
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  • He wants a man and a woman to be
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  • married and to have sex
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  • regularly.
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  • That is part of God's plan
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  • and God's will.
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  • All the husbands right now, turn
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  • to your spouse and say,
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  • "I want to follow God, honey.
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  • I want to follow God."
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  • Look at the Scripture, it says
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  • this in Mark chapter 10,t says
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  • verse 8, it says,
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  • "'And the two will become
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  • one flesh.
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  • So they are no longer two,
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  • but one flesh.
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  • Therefore what God has joined
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  • together, let no one separate.'"
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  • It doesn't say, "One spirit."
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  • It says, "One flesh."
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  • That is speaking
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  • of the sexual bond
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  • that happens when you are
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  • sleeping with your spouse.
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  • God wants this to happen.
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  • He wants there to be
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  • that kind of intimacy.
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  • And it is a good thing.
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  • And so we're gonna talk
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  • about that a little bit today.
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  • Before I dive into that, I want
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  • to talk to our singles,
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  • just real quick, if I can.
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  • 'Cause you may be tunin' out,
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  • thinkin', "Yeah, I don't need
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  • to know about this.
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  • I'm good.
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  • I mean, I'm single.
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  • Why do I need to hear this?"
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  • Actually, let me tell you why.
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  • There has been studies
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  • that prove this,
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  • a lot of singles, the world
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  • is selling you a lie.
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  • And I'm not kidding on this.
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  • The world is selling you a lie.
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  • And here's the lie.
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  • The lie is, "If you're single,
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  • you're havin' a lot of sex.
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  • If you're married, you're not."
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  • That's the lie.
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  • They're saying, "If you're
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  • single, you're gettin' it
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  • more," right?
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  • That's what they say.
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  • "And if you're married,
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  • you're not."
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  • That's actually a lie.
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  • All the secular studies,
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  • non-Christian studies,
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  • scientific studies, have proven
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  • that it is a proven fact
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  • that the average married couple
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  • has sex three times more
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  • than someone who's single,
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  • three times more.
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  • Now, I believe you shouldn't be
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  • havin' sex anyways if
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  • you're single.
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  • But please don't buy the lie
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  • that says, "Well, I'm not gonna
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  • get married because, you know,
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  • I want to play the field."
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  • Well, you're not playin' much,
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  • just to be honest with you.
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  • And that may sound
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  • a little graphic to you,
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  • but you know, we're
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  • a real church here
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  • with real people, and so we
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  • tell you the truth.
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  • And the truth is, is that God
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  • had a way for this to work
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  • for a reason.
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  • And it's not to keep you
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  • limited.
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  • It's to bless you and give you
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  • more sex, and better sex too.
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  • Because here's what happens.
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  • Honestly, I talk
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  • to a lot of singles,
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  • and they'll tell me, "You know,
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  • I did that whole thing
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  • where you go the club,
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  • pick up someone, go take 'em
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  • home, sleep with them."
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  • You know, that kinda deal,
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  • or get a hotel room, whatever
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  • you're doing.
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  • And basically, time and again,
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  • they're like,
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  • "Yeah, about 10 seconds
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  • after we're done, it's like,
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  • 'How fast can we get
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  • away from each other?'"
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  • And guess what?
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  • It leaves you empty.
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  • It does.
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  • And typically, when that happens
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  • anyways, someone,
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  • one of the two, thinks
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  • that this is gonna lead
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  • to a relationship.
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  • And then it doesn't.
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  • Then they're brokenhearted
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  • again.
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  • And if you don't believe me,
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  • let me ask you one question.
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  • How's it been goin'?
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  • You already know.
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  • I don't even have to tell you
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  • that it doesn't work.
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  • 'Cause we've all tried
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  • it, right?
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  • So many people have tried
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  • that route.
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  • I want to talk to you,
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  • just for a brief second if
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  • I can, to the singles
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  • real quick.
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  • And just tell ya this right now.
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  • I may seem like a freak
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  • to most people that I did not
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  • have sex until I got married.
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  • But you know what?
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  • It is all good now, if you know
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  • what I'm sayin'.
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  • Does that make sense?
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  • And so it is a good thing.
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  • I don't have any memories.
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  • She doesn't either.
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  • We didn't bring any baggage
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  • into our relationship.
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  • Now, we're still human beings
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  • and have issues.
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  • I mean, like any couple.
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  • But we don't have to deal
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  • with all that stuff.
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  • It's a great thing.
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  • And so listen, especially
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  • young people right now,
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  • if you're a student right now,
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  • please, the only thing
  • 00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:01.250
  • you're missing right now
  • 00:04:01.250 --> 00:04:02.200
  • is a heartache.
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  • It is worth the wait.
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  • And it's not forever.
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  • But also, I want to say
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  • to those who are married,
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  • some of you were taught
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  • in a very religious home,
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  • or strong Christian home,
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  • you know, that sex is dirty,
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  • it's bad.
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  • The problem with that teaching
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  • is that then when you
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  • get married, you feel dirty,
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  • and you can't really fully
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  • give yourself to your spouse.
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  • It's not dirty.
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  • That's not the right teaching.
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  • I know our parents meant well
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  • by saying those kind of things.
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  • But my parents actually didn't
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  • say those kind of things.
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  • But I know parents that did.
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  • And then, guess what?
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  • As a pastor, I get to hear
  • 00:04:28.280 --> 00:04:29.290
  • the stories about a woman
  • 00:04:29.290 --> 00:04:31.010
  • or a man who are like,
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  • "I just don't feel like I can
  • 00:04:32.020 --> 00:04:33.040
  • really go all in, and do this,
  • 00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:34.160
  • and really, you know, get
  • 00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:36.080
  • into it because then I feel
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  • like I'm bad."
  • 00:04:37.180 --> 00:04:39.040
  • Well, that's because, again,
  • 00:04:39.040 --> 00:04:39.270
  • that tactic may work to keep
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  • your kids out of doin' things
  • 00:04:41.150 --> 00:04:42.180
  • early in life, but it can also
  • 00:04:42.180 --> 00:04:43.200
  • hurt them later in life.
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  • Instead, I want
  • 00:04:45.100 --> 00:04:46.090
  • to encourage you, as parents,
  • 00:04:46.090 --> 00:04:47.080
  • to say somethin' like this,
  • 00:04:47.080 --> 00:04:47.250
  • and this is what my parents
  • 00:04:47.250 --> 00:04:48.120
  • taught me.
  • 00:04:48.120 --> 00:04:48.270
  • They said, "Hey, sex is
  • 00:04:48.270 --> 00:04:49.270
  • a great thing.
  • 00:04:49.270 --> 00:04:50.190
  • It's a gift from God.
  • 00:04:50.190 --> 00:04:51.120
  • It's a wonderful thing,
  • 00:04:51.120 --> 00:04:52.010
  • and I hope you enjoy lots of it
  • 00:04:52.010 --> 00:04:52.210
  • when you're married."
  • 00:04:52.210 --> 00:04:54.260
  • And so the answer is,
  • 00:04:54.260 --> 00:04:55.280
  • "You're never gonna have sex."
  • 00:04:55.280 --> 00:04:56.260
  • No, that's not the answer.
  • 00:04:56.260 --> 00:04:57.120
  • The answer is,
  • 00:04:57.120 --> 00:04:57.280
  • "You will one day, soon.
  • 00:04:57.280 --> 00:04:59.290
  • It's not that far away.
  • 00:04:59.290 --> 00:05:00.190
  • It's not as far away
  • 00:05:00.190 --> 00:05:01.120
  • as you think."
  • 00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:02.100
  • Does that makes sense?
  • 00:05:02.100 --> 00:05:03.160
  • And also, by the way,
  • 00:05:03.160 --> 00:05:04.040
  • if you're engaged,
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  • I don't believe
  • 00:05:04.270 --> 00:05:05.120
  • in 2 and 3-year engagements.
  • 00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:06.080
  • You're crazy if you think
  • 00:05:06.080 --> 00:05:07.060
  • that's gonna happen.
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  • That's nuts.
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  • You're just torturing yourself
  • 00:05:09.100 --> 00:05:10.010
  • at that point.
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  • You know, if you got things
  • 00:05:11.030 --> 00:05:11.220
  • together, and you know you want
  • 00:05:11.220 --> 00:05:12.170
  • to get married, get married
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  • in a reasonable click.
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  • 'Cause otherwise, it's gonna be
  • 00:05:14.170 --> 00:05:15.150
  • tough.
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  • I'm just tellin' you right now.
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  • So nothin' wrong with that.
  • 00:05:17.070 --> 00:05:18.030
  • Again, I'm not trying to say,
  • 00:05:18.030 --> 00:05:18.280
  • "Be foolish."
  • 00:05:18.280 --> 00:05:19.190
  • You know, "I met,
  • 00:05:19.190 --> 00:05:20.040
  • and we're gettin' married
  • 00:05:20.040 --> 00:05:20.280
  • 2 weeks from now."
  • 00:05:20.280 --> 00:05:21.190
  • No, that's not smart.
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  • You need to have a season
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  • of life together.
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  • But again, you know, I wouldn't
  • 00:05:24.290 --> 00:05:27.010
  • put it off forever 'cause it's
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  • just, it's difficult to wait.
  • 00:05:27.220 --> 00:05:29.010
  • God built us to want to be
  • 00:05:29.010 --> 00:05:30.220
  • together.
  • 00:05:30.220 --> 00:05:31.160
  • There's nothin' wrong with that,
  • 00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:32.100
  • okay?
  • 00:05:32.100 --> 00:05:33.040
  • So, but let's talk now.
  • 00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:33.270
  • I'm assuming
  • 00:05:33.270 --> 00:05:35.000
  • over the next four points,
  • 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:35.250
  • you're married.
  • 00:05:35.250 --> 00:05:36.170
  • So forgive me for that,
  • 00:05:36.170 --> 00:05:37.100
  • for those of you who
  • 00:05:37.100 --> 00:05:38.070
  • are single.
  • 00:05:38.070 --> 00:05:38.280
  • But I do believe this content
  • 00:05:38.280 --> 00:05:39.280
  • will help you one day, okay?
  • 00:05:39.280 --> 00:05:41.200
  • And so let's dive right in
  • 00:05:41.200 --> 00:05:42.110
  • and let's talk
  • 00:05:42.110 --> 00:05:43.150
  • about how you can have better
  • 00:05:43.150 --> 00:05:44.120
  • and more sex.
  • 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:45.110
  • And we are serious.
  • 00:05:45.110 --> 00:05:46.200
  • Check this out.
  • 00:05:46.200 --> 00:05:47.070
  • Romans 15, verse 7 says this,
  • 00:05:47.070 --> 00:05:49.010
  • "Therefore, accept one another,
  • 00:05:49.010 --> 00:05:50.060
  • just as Christ also accepted us
  • 00:05:50.060 --> 00:05:51.140
  • to the glory of God."
  • 00:05:51.140 --> 00:05:53.170
  • We need to be accepting
  • 00:05:53.170 --> 00:05:54.090
  • of each other as we are.
  • 00:05:54.110 --> 00:05:57.110
  • That's a big deal.
  • 00:05:57.110 --> 00:05:58.000
  • Because if you don't feel
  • 00:05:58.000 --> 00:05:59.070
  • fully accepted and embraced,
  • 00:05:59.070 --> 00:06:00.190
  • you're not gonna fully be able
  • 00:06:00.190 --> 00:06:01.200
  • to give yourself to someone.
  • 00:06:01.200 --> 00:06:03.010
  • 1 Corinthians 13 says, "Love is
  • 00:06:03.010 --> 00:06:04.270
  • patient, love is kind, it does
  • 00:06:04.270 --> 00:06:06.150
  • not seek its own."
  • 00:06:06.150 --> 00:06:07.210
  • And Galatians 5:15 says,
  • 00:06:07.210 --> 00:06:09.090
  • "Instead of showing love
  • 00:06:09.090 --> 00:06:10.080
  • among yourselves
  • 00:06:10.080 --> 00:06:10.270
  • you are always critical
  • 00:06:10.270 --> 00:06:12.020
  • and catty, watch out!
  • 00:06:12.020 --> 00:06:13.100
  • Beware of ruining each other."
  • 00:06:13.100 --> 00:06:14.270
  • You can actually ruin each other
  • 00:06:14.270 --> 00:06:15.280
  • in the bedroom too.
  • 00:06:15.280 --> 00:06:17.190
  • So you gotta be really careful.
  • 00:06:17.190 --> 00:06:18.080
  • What does this mean?
  • 00:06:18.080 --> 00:06:18.240
  • Number one, if you're takin'
  • 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:19.220
  • notes, the number one way that I
  • 00:06:19.220 --> 00:06:21.070
  • know to have better and more sex
  • 00:06:21.070 --> 00:06:22.160
  • is to remove the pressure
  • 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:23.210
  • from unrealistic sexpectations.
  • 00:06:24.130 --> 00:06:27.130
  • We have
  • 00:06:27.130 --> 00:06:27.280
  • unrealistic sexpectations.
  • 00:06:27.280 --> 00:06:29.240
  • When we begin to believe
  • 00:06:29.240 --> 00:06:30.160
  • all the stuff, and all the hype
  • 00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:32.120
  • we read in books,
  • 00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:33.130
  • or we watch in movies,
  • 00:06:33.130 --> 00:06:35.110
  • or pornography, or racy movies,
  • 00:06:35.110 --> 00:06:37.210
  • which is really just
  • 00:06:37.210 --> 00:06:38.130
  • another form of pornography.
  • 00:06:38.130 --> 00:06:39.130
  • You know, HBO Late Night
  • 00:06:39.130 --> 00:06:40.190
  • just really should
  • 00:06:40.190 --> 00:06:41.140
  • just be called, "Porn."
  • 00:06:41.140 --> 00:06:42.100
  • That's what it is, you know?
  • 00:06:42.100 --> 00:06:43.110
  • Or whatever channel you're
  • 00:06:43.110 --> 00:06:44.070
  • lookin' at stuff on.
  • 00:06:44.070 --> 00:06:45.130
  • You just gotta stay clear
  • 00:06:45.130 --> 00:06:46.140
  • of that stuff.
  • 00:06:46.140 --> 00:06:47.050
  • We intentionally don't have
  • 00:06:47.050 --> 00:06:47.250
  • that stuff in our house.
  • 00:06:47.250 --> 00:06:48.190
  • We have Internet blocks.
  • 00:06:48.190 --> 00:06:49.150
  • I mean, I go all out.
  • 00:06:49.150 --> 00:06:50.150
  • You know why?
  • 00:06:50.150 --> 00:06:51.220
  • Because I want to have
  • 00:06:51.220 --> 00:06:52.260
  • the best sex ever, and I don't
  • 00:06:52.260 --> 00:06:54.050
  • want any of that in my mind.
  • 00:06:54.050 --> 00:06:56.100
  • Does that make sense?
  • 00:06:56.100 --> 00:06:57.080
  • So you have to stay clear
  • 00:06:57.080 --> 00:06:57.260
  • of that stuff.
  • 00:06:57.260 --> 00:06:58.120
  • Now, before, women, you elbow
  • 00:06:58.120 --> 00:07:00.040
  • your husband to death
  • 00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:00.280
  • about the porn thing,
  • 00:07:00.280 --> 00:07:01.280
  • and I understand that.
  • 00:07:01.280 --> 00:07:02.240
  • And you have every right,
  • 00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:04.000
  • ladies, to be offended by that,
  • 00:07:04.000 --> 00:07:05.140
  • if your husband's lookin'
  • 00:07:05.140 --> 00:07:06.000
  • at that stuff, okay?
  • 00:07:06.000 --> 00:07:06.180
  • You really do because that is
  • 00:07:06.180 --> 00:07:07.230
  • adultery with the eyes
  • 00:07:07.230 --> 00:07:09.260
  • is what that is, okay?
  • 00:07:09.260 --> 00:07:11.010
  • You have every reason to be
  • 00:07:11.010 --> 00:07:11.180
  • offended by that.
  • 00:07:11.180 --> 00:07:12.140
  • But let me also say, ladies,
  • 00:07:12.140 --> 00:07:14.260
  • "50 Shades of Grey"
  • 00:07:14.260 --> 00:07:16.080
  • is now a movie.
  • 00:07:16.080 --> 00:07:17.040
  • But it was porn before it was
  • 00:07:17.040 --> 00:07:18.030
  • a movie, in book form.
  • 00:07:18.030 --> 00:07:20.040
  • That is also pornography.
  • 00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:21.130
  • That is women pornography,
  • 00:07:21.130 --> 00:07:22.160
  • okay?
  • 00:07:22.160 --> 00:07:23.230
  • You're trying to get
  • 00:07:23.230 --> 00:07:24.220
  • a romance need met
  • 00:07:24.220 --> 00:07:26.020
  • outside of your marriage.
  • 00:07:26.020 --> 00:07:27.140
  • Just like men sometimes try
  • 00:07:27.140 --> 00:07:28.090
  • to get a sexual need
  • 00:07:28.090 --> 00:07:29.100
  • met outside of their marriage.
  • 00:07:29.100 --> 00:07:30.290
  • Make sense?
  • 00:07:30.290 --> 00:07:32.020
  • So it's very important
  • 00:07:32.020 --> 00:07:32.240
  • that we understand
  • 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:33.170
  • that both are not God's plan.
  • 00:07:33.170 --> 00:07:35.090
  • And so it's important
  • 00:07:35.090 --> 00:07:36.120
  • that we take away
  • 00:07:36.120 --> 00:07:37.120
  • the unrealistic expectations
  • 00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:39.120
  • about all that stuff.
  • 00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:40.080
  • Porn is something
  • 00:07:40.080 --> 00:07:41.080
  • that a lot of young men,
  • 00:07:41.080 --> 00:07:42.150
  • especially nowadays,
  • 00:07:42.150 --> 00:07:43.060
  • have grown up with.
  • 00:07:43.060 --> 00:07:44.040
  • They just, they grew up
  • 00:07:44.040 --> 00:07:44.280
  • with the Internet, which means
  • 00:07:44.280 --> 00:07:46.010
  • there was just, you know,
  • 00:07:46.010 --> 00:07:46.180
  • no holds barred.
  • 00:07:46.180 --> 00:07:47.070
  • Anything you want to see
  • 00:07:47.070 --> 00:07:48.010
  • you can see in a click.
  • 00:07:48.010 --> 00:07:49.240
  • So it's a very dangerous thing.
  • 00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:50.240
  • I go way out of my way
  • 00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:51.230
  • to stay clear of that stuff.
  • 00:07:51.230 --> 00:07:53.050
  • It's easy to fall into it.
  • 00:07:53.050 --> 00:07:55.050
  • I mean, it's
  • 00:07:55.050 --> 00:07:56.040
  • the number one thing I hear
  • 00:07:56.040 --> 00:07:57.050
  • people talking about, about,
  • 00:07:57.050 --> 00:07:58.100
  • "I'm having marital problems."
  • 00:07:58.100 --> 00:07:59.240
  • And time and again, this
  • 00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:01.030
  • comes up.
  • 00:08:01.030 --> 00:08:01.240
  • You gotta avoid this stuff.
  • 00:08:01.240 --> 00:08:03.110
  • It will destroy you.
  • 00:08:03.110 --> 00:08:04.110
  • And listen, men,
  • 00:08:04.110 --> 00:08:04.290
  • let me just save you
  • 00:08:04.290 --> 00:08:05.210
  • a little bit of time real quick,
  • 00:08:05.210 --> 00:08:06.220
  • okay?
  • 00:08:06.220 --> 00:08:07.210
  • It's fake.
  • 00:08:07.210 --> 00:08:08.230
  • It's not real.
  • 00:08:08.230 --> 00:08:10.020
  • It's acting.
  • 00:08:10.020 --> 00:08:11.100
  • And if you take that mentality
  • 00:08:11.100 --> 00:08:13.140
  • into your bedroom, you're asking
  • 00:08:13.140 --> 00:08:15.010
  • someone to act and not
  • 00:08:15.010 --> 00:08:16.260
  • even be real.
  • 00:08:16.260 --> 00:08:19.060
  • That's not loving.
  • 00:08:19.060 --> 00:08:20.200
  • That's using someone.
  • 00:08:20.200 --> 00:08:22.050
  • Make sense?
  • 00:08:22.050 --> 00:08:23.100
  • So that's not the way to do
  • 00:08:23.100 --> 00:08:25.100
  • this, at all, okay?
  • 00:08:25.100 --> 00:08:27.280
  • Now, another side not, if you're
  • 00:08:27.280 --> 00:08:30.020
  • asking your spouse
  • 00:08:30.020 --> 00:08:31.070
  • to do something
  • 00:08:31.070 --> 00:08:32.000
  • they're not comfortable doing,
  • 00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:33.060
  • that is no longer lovemaking.
  • 00:08:33.060 --> 00:08:35.010
  • You're using someone.
  • 00:08:35.010 --> 00:08:36.230
  • And so, and by the way,
  • 00:08:36.230 --> 00:08:37.130
  • the further out the questions
  • 00:08:37.130 --> 00:08:38.220
  • I get, and you wouldn't believe
  • 00:08:38.220 --> 00:08:39.280
  • the things people tell me.
  • 00:08:39.280 --> 00:08:41.000
  • I'm like, "Wow, I didn't know
  • 00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:42.030
  • about that."
  • 00:08:42.030 --> 00:08:42.250
  • I mean, I get an education
  • 00:08:42.250 --> 00:08:43.250
  • by default
  • 00:08:43.250 --> 00:08:45.280
  • with all these questions
  • 00:08:45.280 --> 00:08:46.210
  • I'm asked.
  • 00:08:46.210 --> 00:08:47.080
  • You're like, "Hey, is it okay
  • 00:08:47.080 --> 00:08:47.290
  • if we do the naked pretzel?"
  • 00:08:47.290 --> 00:08:49.040
  • I don't even know
  • 00:08:49.040 --> 00:08:49.190
  • what the naked pretzel is.
  • 00:08:49.190 --> 00:08:51.200
  • Don't Google that.
  • 00:08:51.200 --> 00:08:52.130
  • That's a term I made up.
  • 00:08:52.130 --> 00:08:53.210
  • It may be something.
  • 00:08:53.210 --> 00:08:54.070
  • I don't know.
  • 00:08:54.070 --> 00:08:55.120
  • Don't--okay, so, can we show
  • 00:08:56.260 --> 00:08:59.260
  • this on TV?
  • 00:08:59.260 --> 00:09:00.190
  • I don't know.
  • 00:09:00.190 --> 00:09:01.060
  • I don't know if we can.
  • 00:09:01.060 --> 00:09:02.160
  • Okay, so here's the deal.
  • 00:09:02.160 --> 00:09:04.000
  • My wife added this.
  • 00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:05.190
  • She wanted me to talk
  • 00:09:05.190 --> 00:09:06.150
  • about this.
  • 00:09:06.150 --> 00:09:07.020
  • And I think this is
  • 00:09:07.020 --> 00:09:07.180
  • a great thing.
  • 00:09:07.180 --> 00:09:08.080
  • And I wanted to say this is
  • 00:09:08.080 --> 00:09:08.250
  • from her, so don't throw
  • 00:09:08.250 --> 00:09:09.160
  • tomatoes at me, ladies.
  • 00:09:09.160 --> 00:09:10.160
  • But this is
  • 00:09:10.160 --> 00:09:11.100
  • a really great point.
  • 00:09:11.100 --> 00:09:12.080
  • I was like, "Honey, that is
  • 00:09:12.080 --> 00:09:13.050
  • excellent."
  • 00:09:13.050 --> 00:09:13.220
  • She has actually taught
  • 00:09:13.220 --> 00:09:14.180
  • on this on stage with me before,
  • 00:09:14.180 --> 00:09:15.230
  • but it's a great point.
  • 00:09:15.230 --> 00:09:16.120
  • She said she wanted me to talk
  • 00:09:16.120 --> 00:09:17.230
  • to the women and tell you this.
  • 00:09:17.230 --> 00:09:19.100
  • She said, "Women oftentimes
  • 00:09:19.100 --> 00:09:20.110
  • are wired to say, 'Yes.'"
  • 00:09:20.110 --> 00:09:22.170
  • It's a great quality
  • 00:09:22.170 --> 00:09:23.110
  • about women that they are
  • 00:09:23.110 --> 00:09:24.130
  • nurturers.
  • 00:09:24.130 --> 00:09:25.230
  • They are need meeters.
  • 00:09:25.230 --> 00:09:27.090
  • And so they want to meet
  • 00:09:27.090 --> 00:09:28.040
  • the needs of their children,
  • 00:09:28.040 --> 00:09:29.050
  • meet the needs
  • 00:09:29.050 --> 00:09:30.000
  • of whatever asked.
  • 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:30.250
  • If the neighbor needs something,
  • 00:09:30.250 --> 00:09:31.230
  • you help out the neighbor.
  • 00:09:31.230 --> 00:09:32.180
  • If the PTA or PTO calls you,
  • 00:09:32.180 --> 00:09:34.080
  • you help them out.
  • 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:34.250
  • If there's
  • 00:09:34.250 --> 00:09:35.100
  • an extracurricular thing,
  • 00:09:35.100 --> 00:09:36.050
  • you go do that.
  • 00:09:36.050 --> 00:09:36.240
  • Whatever it is, if the kids need
  • 00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:37.200
  • something, you're there.
  • 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:38.140
  • And so you meet need.
  • 00:09:38.140 --> 00:09:39.090
  • You say, "Yes, yes, yes,
  • 00:09:39.090 --> 00:09:40.030
  • yes, yes."
  • 00:09:40.030 --> 00:09:40.230
  • But you can say, "Yes," so much
  • 00:09:40.230 --> 00:09:41.280
  • across the day that then
  • 00:09:41.280 --> 00:09:42.260
  • that, late at night,
  • 00:09:42.260 --> 00:09:43.260
  • you're lying in bed,
  • 00:09:43.260 --> 00:09:44.260
  • it's easy to say, "No,"
  • 00:09:44.260 --> 00:09:46.280
  • to the one you should be saying,
  • 00:09:46.280 --> 00:09:47.280
  • "Yes," to first.
  • 00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:50.050
  • So we give away our "Yeses"
  • 00:09:50.050 --> 00:09:51.180
  • to everyone and then we have
  • 00:09:51.180 --> 00:09:52.190
  • nothing left to give.
  • 00:09:52.190 --> 00:09:54.030
  • So be careful not to give
  • 00:09:54.030 --> 00:09:55.110
  • away all your "Yeses."
  • 00:09:55.110 --> 00:09:57.050
  • Does that make sense?
  • 00:09:57.050 --> 00:09:58.050
  • And so make sure
  • 00:09:58.050 --> 00:09:58.240
  • that you prioritize the one
  • 00:09:58.240 --> 00:09:59.290
  • you actually love
  • 00:09:59.290 --> 00:10:01.030
  • and have committed
  • 00:10:01.030 --> 00:10:01.210
  • your life to.
  • 00:10:01.210 --> 00:10:02.160
  • And so it's important
  • 00:10:02.160 --> 00:10:03.100
  • that we do that.
  • 00:10:03.100 --> 00:10:04.100
  • It's like the Girl Scout mom.
  • 00:10:04.100 --> 00:10:05.060
  • And you're out there sellin'
  • 00:10:05.060 --> 00:10:06.030
  • cookies.
  • 00:10:06.030 --> 00:10:06.210
  • You're sellin' 100.000 boxes
  • 00:10:06.210 --> 00:10:07.140
  • of cookies, you know?
  • 00:10:07.140 --> 00:10:08.190
  • And Dad's at home, goin',
  • 00:10:08.190 --> 00:10:09.070
  • "I'd like a cookie.
  • 00:10:09.070 --> 00:10:10.110
  • I'd like a cookie."
  • 00:10:11.020 --> 00:10:14.020
  • Okay, moving along.
  • 00:10:14.070 --> 00:10:17.070
  • 1 Corinthians 7--you're like,
  • 00:10:17.070 --> 00:10:19.260
  • "What does he mean
  • 00:10:19.260 --> 00:10:20.110
  • by the cookie?
  • 00:10:20.110 --> 00:10:21.060
  • I don't understand that."
  • 00:10:21.060 --> 00:10:22.170
  • All right,
  • 00:10:22.170 --> 00:10:23.190
  • 1 Corinthians 7, verse 5,
  • 00:10:23.190 --> 00:10:25.180
  • it says this, "Abstaining
  • 00:10:25.180 --> 00:10:26.180
  • from sex is permissible
  • 00:10:26.180 --> 00:10:27.250
  • for a period of time if you both
  • 00:10:27.250 --> 00:10:29.020
  • agree to it, and if it's
  • 00:10:29.020 --> 00:10:30.190
  • for the purposes of prayer
  • 00:10:30.190 --> 00:10:31.230
  • and fasting, but only
  • 00:10:31.230 --> 00:10:33.050
  • for such times."
  • 00:10:33.050 --> 00:10:33.290
  • I love that, 'cause
  • 00:10:33.290 --> 00:10:34.160
  • when my wife, I'm like,
  • 00:10:34.160 --> 00:10:35.220
  • "Hey, baby," and she's like,
  • 00:10:35.220 --> 00:10:36.150
  • "I'm kinda tired."
  • 00:10:36.150 --> 00:10:37.080
  • I'm like, "Oh, you're gonna pray
  • 00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:38.030
  • and fast, right?
  • 00:10:38.030 --> 00:10:38.270
  • That's why you're not--?"
  • 00:10:38.270 --> 00:10:40.040
  • Okay, just a joke.
  • 00:10:40.040 --> 00:10:42.050
  • And then it says,
  • 00:10:42.050 --> 00:10:42.290
  • "Then come back together again."
  • 00:10:42.290 --> 00:10:43.270
  • And check this out.
  • 00:10:43.270 --> 00:10:44.200
  • Listen, listen, listen, it says,
  • 00:10:44.200 --> 00:10:45.220
  • "Satan has an ingenious way
  • 00:10:45.220 --> 00:10:47.130
  • of tempting us
  • 00:10:47.130 --> 00:10:48.050
  • when we least expect it.
  • 00:10:48.050 --> 00:10:49.110
  • I'm not, understand, commanding
  • 00:10:49.110 --> 00:10:50.200
  • these periods of abstinences,
  • 00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:51.220
  • only providing my best counsel
  • 00:10:51.220 --> 00:10:53.050
  • if you should choose them."
  • 00:10:53.050 --> 00:10:55.260
  • So basically, you need
  • 00:10:55.260 --> 00:10:56.200
  • to understand something.
  • 00:10:56.200 --> 00:10:57.140
  • If you are not, you know, active
  • 00:10:57.140 --> 00:10:59.200
  • in your sex life,
  • 00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:01.000
  • and your romance life
  • 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:01.290
  • also, with your spouse,
  • 00:11:01.290 --> 00:11:03.050
  • you are setting them up
  • 00:11:03.050 --> 00:11:04.230
  • for temptation.
  • 00:11:04.230 --> 00:11:06.000
  • Did you know that?
  • 00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:06.260
  • Number two, stay active
  • 00:11:06.260 --> 00:11:08.120
  • in romance and sex.
  • 00:11:08.120 --> 00:11:10.020
  • Now, I want to help kinda set
  • 00:11:10.020 --> 00:11:11.080
  • a benchmark, if I can do that.
  • 00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:13.020
  • Oh, there's been a lot of books
  • 00:11:13.020 --> 00:11:14.070
  • and studies done
  • 00:11:14.070 --> 00:11:15.060
  • across the country
  • 00:11:15.060 --> 00:11:16.080
  • about this over decades.
  • 00:11:16.080 --> 00:11:18.020
  • So this isn't just recent,
  • 00:11:18.020 --> 00:11:19.110
  • like, someone's opinion, decades
  • 00:11:19.110 --> 00:11:21.070
  • of tens of thousands of couples
  • 00:11:21.070 --> 00:11:23.200
  • have been studied.
  • 00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:25.150
  • And they found
  • 00:11:25.150 --> 00:11:26.000
  • that healthy couples typically,
  • 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:27.230
  • the frequency of sex for them,
  • 00:11:27.230 --> 00:11:29.150
  • is around two and a half times
  • 00:11:29.150 --> 00:11:30.280
  • a week.
  • 00:11:30.280 --> 00:11:31.290
  • It's kind of an average.
  • 00:11:31.290 --> 00:11:33.070
  • Now, my question, of course, is,
  • 00:11:33.070 --> 00:11:34.040
  • "What's the half?
  • 00:11:34.040 --> 00:11:35.100
  • I just to want to know,
  • 00:11:35.100 --> 00:11:35.290
  • what is that?"
  • 00:11:35.290 --> 00:11:37.070
  • Okay, never mind.
  • 00:11:37.070 --> 00:11:37.280
  • Anyways, a guy told me
  • 00:11:37.280 --> 00:11:39.050
  • on the way out, he said,
  • 00:11:39.050 --> 00:11:39.260
  • "I know what the half is.
  • 00:11:39.260 --> 00:11:40.170
  • It's when the kids knock
  • 00:11:40.170 --> 00:11:41.020
  • on the door."
  • 00:11:41.020 --> 00:11:41.200
  • I'm like, "That's the half!
  • 00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:42.090
  • That is the half."
  • 00:11:44.050 --> 00:11:47.050
  • My kids now are gonna be like,
  • 00:11:47.050 --> 00:11:48.020
  • "I don't want to--oh, wait,
  • 00:11:48.020 --> 00:11:49.060
  • what's goin' on?"
  • 00:11:49.060 --> 00:11:51.090
  • Okay, anyways, I love grossin'
  • 00:11:51.090 --> 00:11:52.240
  • my kids out now.
  • 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:53.180
  • That's a lot of fun now.
  • 00:11:53.180 --> 00:11:54.190
  • I'm like, "Hey, you guys get out
  • 00:11:54.190 --> 00:11:55.120
  • of here."
  • 00:11:55.120 --> 00:11:55.290
  • They're like, "Why?"
  • 00:11:55.290 --> 00:11:56.160
  • I'm like, "'Cause I'm gonna go
  • 00:11:56.160 --> 00:11:57.040
  • do nasty things to your mom."
  • 00:11:57.040 --> 00:11:57.270
  • They're like, "Why?!"
  • 00:11:58.020 --> 00:12:01.040
  • I'm like, "Good night."
  • 00:12:01.040 --> 00:12:02.050
  • They're like,
  • 00:12:02.050 --> 00:12:02.200
  • "You're so gross, Dad."
  • 00:12:02.260 --> 00:12:05.260
  • It's a great thing, you know?
  • 00:12:05.260 --> 00:12:07.130
  • But here's the deal.
  • 00:12:07.130 --> 00:12:08.250
  • Listen, let me give you a quote.
  • 00:12:08.250 --> 00:12:09.290
  • "Marriage is not 50/50.
  • 00:12:09.290 --> 00:12:12.140
  • Divorce is 50/50.
  • 00:12:12.140 --> 00:12:14.010
  • Marriage is 100/100.
  • 00:12:14.010 --> 00:12:16.020
  • It isn't dividing everything
  • 00:12:16.020 --> 00:12:16.260
  • in half, but giving everything
  • 00:12:16.260 --> 00:12:17.280
  • you've got."
  • 00:12:17.280 --> 00:12:19.240
  • So let me just describe
  • 00:12:19.240 --> 00:12:20.190
  • somethin' that may kinda
  • 00:12:20.190 --> 00:12:21.180
  • help us out
  • 00:12:21.180 --> 00:12:22.050
  • with this whole situation.
  • 00:12:22.050 --> 00:12:24.290
  • Women oftentimes feel used
  • 00:12:24.290 --> 00:12:26.260
  • by men, by their husbands.
  • 00:12:26.260 --> 00:12:28.210
  • They feel, "I just feel
  • 00:12:28.210 --> 00:12:29.110
  • like I'm just being used
  • 00:12:29.110 --> 00:12:30.030
  • for sex."
  • 00:12:30.030 --> 00:12:31.100
  • Granted, that may even be true.
  • 00:12:31.100 --> 00:12:32.240
  • That's a sign that the man needs
  • 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:33.290
  • to engage more.
  • 00:12:33.290 --> 00:12:35.140
  • That's what last week
  • 00:12:35.140 --> 00:12:36.070
  • was all about, that if he is
  • 00:12:36.070 --> 00:12:37.020
  • engaged in giving you romance,
  • 00:12:37.020 --> 00:12:39.000
  • then you'll probably
  • 00:12:39.000 --> 00:12:39.150
  • naturally want to give him sex.
  • 00:12:39.150 --> 00:12:42.070
  • But women, let's not lie here,
  • 00:12:42.070 --> 00:12:43.250
  • and also admit that sometimes
  • 00:12:43.250 --> 00:12:44.280
  • women want to use the husband
  • 00:12:44.280 --> 00:12:46.000
  • for romance.
  • 00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:48.160
  • But if we get out of the using,
  • 00:12:48.160 --> 00:12:50.000
  • instead if we just truly choose
  • 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:50.290
  • to give it and say,
  • 00:12:50.290 --> 00:12:52.120
  • "I want to honor you.
  • 00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:53.180
  • I want to love you
  • 00:12:53.180 --> 00:12:54.080
  • in and out of the bedroom,"
  • 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:55.170
  • then they will want to honor
  • 00:12:55.170 --> 00:12:56.140
  • and love you in the bedroom.
  • 00:12:56.140 --> 00:12:57.250
  • Does that make sense?
  • 00:12:57.250 --> 00:12:59.260
  • How your sex life is going is
  • 00:12:59.260 --> 00:13:01.000
  • really not about the sex at all.
  • 00:13:01.000 --> 00:13:02.200
  • It's about your relationship.
  • 00:13:02.200 --> 00:13:04.210
  • 'Cause if you're relationship's
  • 00:13:04.210 --> 00:13:05.100
  • going good, then the sex comes
  • 00:13:05.100 --> 00:13:06.060
  • natural.
  • 00:13:06.060 --> 00:13:07.020
  • I've never had to tell someone,
  • 00:13:07.020 --> 00:13:08.110
  • you know, those first few months
  • 00:13:08.110 --> 00:13:10.050
  • of marriage,
  • 00:13:10.050 --> 00:13:10.230
  • "Hey, I know it's gonna be hard,
  • 00:13:10.230 --> 00:13:11.220
  • but try to go have sex."
  • 00:13:11.220 --> 00:13:12.130
  • They're like, "Okay."
  • 00:13:12.130 --> 00:13:13.230
  • Never happened once
  • 00:13:13.230 --> 00:13:15.140
  • because they are, like, crazy
  • 00:13:15.140 --> 00:13:16.190
  • about each other.
  • 00:13:16.190 --> 00:13:17.110
  • "Oh my goodness, I can't keep
  • 00:13:17.110 --> 00:13:18.030
  • my hands off this person.
  • 00:13:18.030 --> 00:13:19.070
  • I love 'em."
  • 00:13:19.070 --> 00:13:19.260
  • It's a good thing.
  • 00:13:19.260 --> 00:13:21.080
  • God built us to be that way,
  • 00:13:21.080 --> 00:13:22.070
  • but it's 'cause there's
  • 00:13:22.070 --> 00:13:23.010
  • a relationship thriving,
  • 00:13:23.010 --> 00:13:24.000
  • and that's what makes it happen.
  • 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:25.080
  • So here's the thing, when I
  • 00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:26.040
  • stood at an altar and said
  • 00:13:26.040 --> 00:13:27.060
  • to my wife, "I will forsake
  • 00:13:27.060 --> 00:13:28.230
  • all others, I'm committed
  • 00:13:28.230 --> 00:13:29.280
  • to you, till death to us part,"
  • 00:13:29.280 --> 00:13:32.030
  • that's the commitment I made.
  • 00:13:32.030 --> 00:13:32.260
  • Many of you made
  • 00:13:32.260 --> 00:13:33.130
  • a similar commitment
  • 00:13:33.130 --> 00:13:33.290
  • as well, right?
  • 00:13:33.290 --> 00:13:35.010
  • And so we made that commitment
  • 00:13:35.010 --> 00:13:36.090
  • and we said, "You're it for me."
  • 00:13:36.090 --> 00:13:38.050
  • When I said that, I said,
  • 00:13:38.050 --> 00:13:38.290
  • "Honey, you are the only water
  • 00:13:38.290 --> 00:13:41.250
  • I'm gonna drink from."
  • 00:13:41.250 --> 00:13:43.190
  • Bible actually talks about this.
  • 00:13:43.190 --> 00:13:44.120
  • It says, "Let your wife be
  • 00:13:44.120 --> 00:13:45.060
  • a well to you.
  • 00:13:45.060 --> 00:13:47.060
  • Why would you go drink
  • 00:13:47.060 --> 00:13:48.160
  • spilt water?"
  • 00:13:48.160 --> 00:13:51.110
  • Wow, isn't that
  • 00:13:51.110 --> 00:13:52.030
  • a great illustration
  • 00:13:52.030 --> 00:13:53.030
  • that God gives us?
  • 00:13:53.030 --> 00:13:53.280
  • He says, "You're a well."
  • 00:13:53.280 --> 00:13:54.290
  • Here's the thing.
  • 00:13:54.290 --> 00:13:55.210
  • So I go to my wife and say,
  • 00:13:55.210 --> 00:13:56.090
  • "Hey, babe, I'm kinda thirsty
  • 00:13:56.100 --> 00:13:59.100
  • tonight, you know what
  • 00:13:59.100 --> 00:14:00.060
  • I'm sayin'?"
  • 00:14:00.060 --> 00:14:01.240
  • She's like, "Oh, honey, I do
  • 00:14:01.240 --> 00:14:03.200
  • understand what you're sayin'.
  • 00:14:03.200 --> 00:14:05.240
  • I'm just so tired."
  • 00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:06.270
  • And that's real.
  • 00:14:06.270 --> 00:14:07.120
  • I'm not tryin' to make light
  • 00:14:07.120 --> 00:14:08.030
  • of that.
  • 00:14:08.030 --> 00:14:08.220
  • It really happens that, ladies,
  • 00:14:08.220 --> 00:14:10.030
  • you get tired.
  • 00:14:10.030 --> 00:14:11.040
  • We get that, okay?
  • 00:14:11.040 --> 00:14:11.280
  • "I'm just exhausted."
  • 00:14:11.280 --> 00:14:13.050
  • "I understand completely."
  • 00:14:13.050 --> 00:14:14.050
  • "Is there any way maybe
  • 00:14:14.050 --> 00:14:14.250
  • tomorrow night or somethin'?"
  • 00:14:14.250 --> 00:14:15.160
  • I'm like, "You know what?
  • 00:14:15.160 --> 00:14:16.060
  • No problem, I'll be good.
  • 00:14:16.060 --> 00:14:17.020
  • I can wait to drink till then."
  • 00:14:17.020 --> 00:14:19.120
  • Then tomorrow night.
  • 00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:19.290
  • "Hey, babe, I'm gettin'
  • 00:14:19.290 --> 00:14:21.140
  • kinda parched, you know what
  • 00:14:21.170 --> 00:14:24.170
  • I'm sayin'?
  • 00:14:24.170 --> 00:14:25.180
  • I can really use some water."
  • 00:14:25.180 --> 00:14:27.270
  • "You keep bringin' this up.
  • 00:14:27.270 --> 00:14:29.030
  • It's like all you want
  • 00:14:29.030 --> 00:14:29.250
  • is water."
  • 00:14:30.260 --> 00:14:33.260
  • "Well, babe, I'm sorry.
  • 00:14:33.260 --> 00:14:34.110
  • But you know, there's
  • 00:14:34.110 --> 00:14:35.070
  • only one source for me to get
  • 00:14:35.070 --> 00:14:36.220
  • that water,
  • 00:14:36.220 --> 00:14:38.030
  • according to the commitment
  • 00:14:38.030 --> 00:14:39.020
  • we made to each other.
  • 00:14:39.020 --> 00:14:39.230
  • So is there any way I can have
  • 00:14:39.230 --> 00:14:40.170
  • some water?"
  • 00:14:40.170 --> 00:14:41.070
  • And she's like, "Water, water,
  • 00:14:41.070 --> 00:14:42.100
  • water, all you ever think
  • 00:14:42.100 --> 00:14:43.050
  • about is water.
  • 00:14:43.050 --> 00:14:44.250
  • What is wrong with you?
  • 00:14:44.250 --> 00:14:45.230
  • You're like overwatered
  • 00:14:45.230 --> 00:14:46.120
  • or something."
  • 00:14:46.120 --> 00:14:48.250
  • I'm like, "No, I'm really not.
  • 00:14:48.250 --> 00:14:49.240
  • I'm just really thirsty
  • 00:14:49.240 --> 00:14:50.230
  • right now."
  • 00:14:50.230 --> 00:14:51.090
  • And so finally, this is what it
  • 00:14:51.090 --> 00:14:52.190
  • looks like in a lot of homes,
  • 00:14:52.190 --> 00:14:53.140
  • "Okay, fine.
  • 00:14:53.140 --> 00:14:54.150
  • Have your water.
  • 00:14:54.150 --> 00:14:55.110
  • Just take it.
  • 00:14:55.110 --> 00:14:56.000
  • Just have your water.
  • 00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:57.020
  • Just get it over with and have
  • 00:14:57.020 --> 00:14:57.270
  • your water."
  • 00:14:57.270 --> 00:14:58.260
  • And what does the guy do
  • 00:14:58.260 --> 00:14:59.170
  • 'cause it's been so long?
  • 00:14:59.170 --> 00:15:00.130
  • "Thank you.
  • 00:15:00.130 --> 00:15:01.000
  • Oh, oh my gosh.
  • 00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:02.140
  • It's been so long.
  • 00:15:02.140 --> 00:15:03.090
  • It's amazing."
  • 00:15:03.090 --> 00:15:06.020
  • This is not the way God intended
  • 00:15:06.020 --> 00:15:06.270
  • it to be.
  • 00:15:07.030 --> 00:15:10.030
  • We need regular water.
  • 00:15:10.030 --> 00:15:11.070
  • That's all I'm sayin'.
  • 00:15:12.250 --> 00:15:15.250
  • Point made.
  • 00:15:15.250 --> 00:15:16.120
  • Okay, so it is a reality that we
  • 00:15:17.010 --> 00:15:20.010
  • do need to stay active, not just
  • 00:15:20.010 --> 00:15:22.150
  • in sex though, in romance too.
  • 00:15:22.150 --> 00:15:23.220
  • Again, if someone feels used
  • 00:15:23.220 --> 00:15:24.210
  • in the bedroom, it's because
  • 00:15:24.210 --> 00:15:25.170
  • nothing else is going
  • 00:15:25.170 --> 00:15:26.040
  • on outside the bedroom.
  • 00:15:26.040 --> 00:15:27.080
  • And so if she's like, "Really?"
  • 00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:28.260
  • Like, "I'm gonna take care
  • 00:15:28.260 --> 00:15:30.210
  • of the kids, put a meal
  • 00:15:30.210 --> 00:15:31.230
  • on the table, do all this stuff
  • 00:15:31.230 --> 00:15:32.190
  • for you.
  • 00:15:32.190 --> 00:15:33.070
  • You're gonna sit on the couch
  • 00:15:33.070 --> 00:15:33.290
  • like a big lug and then expect
  • 00:15:33.290 --> 00:15:35.040
  • me to be a sex kitten
  • 00:15:35.040 --> 00:15:36.050
  • in the bedroom?"
  • 00:15:36.050 --> 00:15:37.000
  • Is that even fair?
  • 00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:38.070
  • No.
  • 00:15:38.070 --> 00:15:39.200
  • And so, again, it's about what?
  • 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:40.260
  • The relationship.
  • 00:15:40.260 --> 00:15:42.260
  • That's why I recommend you plug
  • 00:15:42.260 --> 00:15:44.060
  • into the relationship,
  • 00:15:44.060 --> 00:15:45.150
  • everything else comes natural
  • 00:15:45.150 --> 00:15:46.260
  • if you do that.
  • 00:15:46.260 --> 00:15:47.200
  • You know, the truth is, though,
  • 00:15:47.200 --> 00:15:48.180
  • we've had a lot of heartache
  • 00:15:48.180 --> 00:15:49.170
  • in our lives from this kind
  • 00:15:49.170 --> 00:15:51.110
  • of stuff happening.
  • 00:15:51.110 --> 00:15:52.030
  • I mean, the reality is, we're
  • 00:15:52.030 --> 00:15:52.260
  • teasin', we're makin' fun of it,
  • 00:15:52.260 --> 00:15:53.240
  • but the reality is
  • 00:15:53.240 --> 00:15:54.170
  • that a lot of people have
  • 00:15:54.170 --> 00:15:55.170
  • started messin' around earlier
  • 00:15:55.170 --> 00:15:56.220
  • in or out of marriage, frankly.
  • 00:15:56.220 --> 00:15:59.120
  • And it leads
  • 00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:00.040
  • to a lot of heartache.
  • 00:16:00.040 --> 00:16:01.050
  • And so next week's message, now,
  • 00:16:01.050 --> 00:16:02.140
  • don't miss it, I'm talking
  • 00:16:02.140 --> 00:16:03.250
  • next week about how to heal
  • 00:16:03.250 --> 00:16:05.020
  • the broken heart.
  • 00:16:05.020 --> 00:16:06.090
  • And so do not miss that
  • 00:16:06.090 --> 00:16:07.060
  • because even if you say,
  • 00:16:07.060 --> 00:16:08.200
  • "Well, I don't really need that
  • 00:16:08.200 --> 00:16:09.150
  • right now," you will need it
  • 00:16:09.150 --> 00:16:10.100
  • one day.
  • 00:16:10.100 --> 00:16:10.260
  • Hopefully not in your marriage,
  • 00:16:10.260 --> 00:16:12.080
  • but I'm just saying
  • 00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:12.240
  • the reality is we all get
  • 00:16:12.240 --> 00:16:13.230
  • our hearts broken from someone,
  • 00:16:13.230 --> 00:16:14.210
  • whether it's a coworker,
  • 00:16:14.210 --> 00:16:15.170
  • neighbor, friend, spouse,
  • 00:16:15.170 --> 00:16:17.140
  • a friendship that goes sour,
  • 00:16:17.140 --> 00:16:18.220
  • whatever.
  • 00:16:18.220 --> 00:16:19.140
  • We all have experienced
  • 00:16:19.140 --> 00:16:20.130
  • heartache.
  • 00:16:20.130 --> 00:16:21.080
  • So be sure to be back next week
  • 00:16:21.080 --> 00:16:22.100
  • for that.
  • 00:16:22.100 --> 00:16:23.070
  • So let me give you
  • 00:16:23.070 --> 00:16:23.250
  • two more points real quick,
  • 00:16:23.250 --> 00:16:24.200
  • and then we'll wrap it up.
  • 00:16:24.200 --> 00:16:25.110
  • And this is gonna be
  • 00:16:25.110 --> 00:16:26.260
  • some more detailed stuff.
  • 00:16:26.260 --> 00:16:28.010
  • Forgive me, but I really feel
  • 00:16:28.010 --> 00:16:29.130
  • like I've gotta really
  • 00:16:29.130 --> 00:16:30.030
  • give you help.
  • 00:16:30.030 --> 00:16:30.260
  • And to give you help,
  • 00:16:30.260 --> 00:16:31.120
  • I've gotta go there, 'kay?
  • 00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:32.130
  • So here we go.there, 'kay?
  • 00:16:32.130 --> 00:16:33.170
  • Proverbs 1, verse 5 says this,
  • 00:16:33.170 --> 00:16:35.000
  • "A wise man will hear
  • 00:16:35.000 --> 00:16:36.100
  • and increase in learning.
  • 00:16:36.100 --> 00:16:37.120
  • And a man of understanding
  • 00:16:37.120 --> 00:16:38.100
  • will acquire wise counsel."
  • 00:16:38.100 --> 00:16:40.250
  • Truth be told, you can love
  • 00:16:40.250 --> 00:16:42.210
  • one another, you can love
  • 00:16:42.210 --> 00:16:44.130
  • God, you can be
  • 00:16:44.130 --> 00:16:45.210
  • a very well-adjusted person,
  • 00:16:45.210 --> 00:16:46.290
  • and not have
  • 00:16:46.290 --> 00:16:48.000
  • any kind of crazy stuff
  • 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:49.090
  • in your background,
  • 00:16:49.090 --> 00:16:50.050
  • and still not be satisfied
  • 00:16:50.050 --> 00:16:51.010
  • in your sex life.
  • 00:16:51.010 --> 00:16:53.120
  • And here's what's goin'
  • 00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:54.020
  • on in our society.
  • 00:16:54.020 --> 00:16:54.260
  • We think, as Americans, that we
  • 00:16:54.260 --> 00:16:56.200
  • know everything there is to know
  • 00:16:56.200 --> 00:16:57.230
  • about sex.
  • 00:16:57.230 --> 00:16:58.280
  • But here's the truth, we're
  • 00:16:58.280 --> 00:16:59.220
  • overexposed to pornography,
  • 00:16:59.220 --> 00:17:02.050
  • and racy movies, and content,
  • 00:17:02.050 --> 00:17:04.060
  • and underexposed
  • 00:17:04.060 --> 00:17:05.200
  • to clinical truth.
  • 00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:07.280
  • Did you catch that?
  • 00:17:07.280 --> 00:17:09.110
  • So we know a whole lot
  • 00:17:09.110 --> 00:17:10.140
  • about stuff that looks
  • 00:17:10.140 --> 00:17:12.010
  • really cool, and high-flying,
  • 00:17:12.010 --> 00:17:13.220
  • and fireworks.
  • 00:17:13.220 --> 00:17:15.110
  • But many times, the mechanics,
  • 00:17:15.110 --> 00:17:17.060
  • the details of things
  • 00:17:17.060 --> 00:17:18.250
  • that actually work
  • 00:17:18.250 --> 00:17:19.210
  • and don't work,
  • 00:17:19.210 --> 00:17:20.210
  • we don't really know.
  • 00:17:20.210 --> 00:17:22.210
  • And so that's a really big deal
  • 00:17:22.210 --> 00:17:23.150
  • that we understand that.
  • 00:17:23.150 --> 00:17:24.160
  • And so it says
  • 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:25.130
  • in Proverbs 23, verse 23,
  • 00:17:25.130 --> 00:17:27.140
  • "Get the facts at any price,
  • 00:17:27.140 --> 00:17:28.110
  • and hold on tightly
  • 00:17:28.110 --> 00:17:29.110
  • to all good sense that you
  • 00:17:29.110 --> 00:17:31.000
  • can get."
  • 00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:32.060
  • There are some great books
  • 00:17:32.060 --> 00:17:32.250
  • in the Christian bookstore.
  • 00:17:32.250 --> 00:17:33.240
  • And I want to be clear,
  • 00:17:33.240 --> 00:17:34.170
  • the Christian bookstore has
  • 00:17:34.170 --> 00:17:36.220
  • books on sex.
  • 00:17:36.220 --> 00:17:38.030
  • And I highly recommend 'em.
  • 00:17:38.030 --> 00:17:39.020
  • One of 'em's called,
  • 00:17:39.020 --> 00:17:39.260
  • "Between the Sheets."
  • 00:17:39.260 --> 00:17:40.220
  • It's a really great book
  • 00:17:40.220 --> 00:17:41.150
  • by Dr. Henry Cloud.
  • 00:17:41.150 --> 00:17:42.150
  • He's the same guy who wrote,
  • 00:17:42.150 --> 00:17:43.100
  • "Boundaries."
  • 00:17:43.100 --> 00:17:44.000
  • The guy knows a lot.
  • 00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:44.220
  • Very, very good stuff.
  • 00:17:44.220 --> 00:17:45.270
  • There's lots of good books
  • 00:17:45.270 --> 00:17:46.250
  • out there.
  • 00:17:46.250 --> 00:17:47.120
  • That's one I recommend.
  • 00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:48.020
  • One of my favorite mentors
  • 00:17:48.020 --> 00:17:49.030
  • and pastor friends
  • 00:17:49.030 --> 00:17:50.020
  • in the whole universe
  • 00:17:50.020 --> 00:17:50.260
  • is Pastor Ed Young.
  • 00:17:50.260 --> 00:17:51.240
  • He wrote a book called,
  • 00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:52.150
  • "The Sex Pyramid."
  • 00:17:52.150 --> 00:17:53.130
  • It's a great read.
  • 00:17:53.130 --> 00:17:54.090
  • It's about how to have sex
  • 00:17:54.090 --> 00:17:55.000
  • 7 straight days.
  • 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:56.050
  • And if you do that as a spouse,
  • 00:17:56.050 --> 00:17:57.250
  • 7 straight days, it's
  • 00:17:57.250 --> 00:17:58.220
  • a challenge he puts
  • 00:17:58.220 --> 00:17:59.210
  • out there, then basically it's
  • 00:17:59.210 --> 00:18:01.040
  • gonna force you
  • 00:18:01.040 --> 00:18:01.240
  • to get into a relationship
  • 00:18:01.240 --> 00:18:03.010
  • with your spouse again.
  • 00:18:03.010 --> 00:18:04.200
  • So it's a great thing.
  • 00:18:04.200 --> 00:18:05.060
  • All the guys are like,
  • 00:18:05.060 --> 00:18:05.250
  • "I'm gonna go get that book
  • 00:18:05.250 --> 00:18:06.150
  • right now."
  • 00:18:06.150 --> 00:18:08.160
  • All right, so I do recommend it.
  • 00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:09.150
  • It's a great read.
  • 00:18:09.150 --> 00:18:10.080
  • I highly recommend it.
  • 00:18:10.080 --> 00:18:11.130
  • Of course, when I talked
  • 00:18:11.130 --> 00:18:12.030
  • to Pastor Ed, I said,
  • 00:18:12.030 --> 00:18:12.260
  • "Why limit it to 7?
  • 00:18:12.260 --> 00:18:13.170
  • Why not 52?
  • 00:18:13.170 --> 00:18:14.080
  • Come on, what's up?"
  • 00:18:14.080 --> 00:18:16.100
  • Okay, so the deal is this.
  • 00:18:16.100 --> 00:18:17.070
  • Now, let me give you
  • 00:18:17.070 --> 00:18:17.220
  • a little fact that I think
  • 00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:18.220
  • can really help you with this.
  • 00:18:18.220 --> 00:18:19.180
  • This is somethin'
  • 00:18:19.180 --> 00:18:20.120
  • that has helped me
  • 00:18:20.120 --> 00:18:21.000
  • in my marriage.
  • 00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:21.190
  • And again, I'm getting
  • 00:18:21.190 --> 00:18:22.100
  • very personal, but I believe
  • 00:18:22.100 --> 00:18:23.040
  • this can really make
  • 00:18:23.040 --> 00:18:23.190
  • a difference, okay?
  • 00:18:23.190 --> 00:18:24.180
  • Are you ready for this?
  • 00:18:24.180 --> 00:18:25.070
  • Write this down somewhere
  • 00:18:25.070 --> 00:18:25.270
  • in your notes.
  • 00:18:25.270 --> 00:18:26.120
  • Men are helicopters.
  • 00:18:26.120 --> 00:18:28.050
  • Men are helicopters.
  • 00:18:28.050 --> 00:18:29.290
  • Women are jetliners.
  • 00:18:29.290 --> 00:18:32.140
  • Let me explain the difference.
  • 00:18:32.140 --> 00:18:33.130
  • My wife, at 2 in the morning,
  • 00:18:33.130 --> 00:18:34.180
  • could wake me up
  • 00:18:34.180 --> 00:18:35.140
  • from a dead sleep, bap!
  • 00:18:35.140 --> 00:18:37.150
  • Slap me in the face,
  • 00:18:37.150 --> 00:18:38.080
  • pour water on my face,
  • 00:18:38.080 --> 00:18:39.050
  • and I'd go, "Okay, I'm ready
  • 00:18:39.050 --> 00:18:40.220
  • to do it."
  • 00:18:40.220 --> 00:18:42.110
  • Why?
  • 00:18:42.110 --> 00:18:42.260
  • 'Cause men can go straight up,
  • 00:18:42.260 --> 00:18:43.250
  • and we're there.
  • 00:18:43.250 --> 00:18:45.090
  • We're helicopters.
  • 00:18:45.090 --> 00:18:45.270
  • Not a woman.
  • 00:18:45.270 --> 00:18:47.110
  • Not at all, okay?
  • 00:18:47.110 --> 00:18:48.090
  • A woman needs a runway.
  • 00:18:49.020 --> 00:18:52.020
  • She's a jetliner.
  • 00:18:52.020 --> 00:18:52.250
  • But let me say this as nice
  • 00:18:52.250 --> 00:18:53.210
  • as I can.
  • 00:18:53.210 --> 00:18:54.210
  • The good news about the runway
  • 00:18:54.210 --> 00:18:56.180
  • is that the jetliner goes
  • 00:18:56.180 --> 00:18:57.170
  • further, higher, if you'll take
  • 00:18:57.240 --> 00:19:00.260
  • the time to create a runway.
  • 00:19:02.110 --> 00:19:05.110
  • So let me explain that.
  • 00:19:05.110 --> 00:19:06.220
  • Some guys are like,
  • 00:19:06.220 --> 00:19:07.090
  • "Oh, I'm ready to create
  • 00:19:07.090 --> 00:19:07.290
  • that runway, man.
  • 00:19:07.290 --> 00:19:08.260
  • I'm ready to do this, yeah.
  • 00:19:08.260 --> 00:19:10.120
  • I'm gonna do it."
  • 00:19:10.120 --> 00:19:11.080
  • A runway means time.
  • 00:19:11.080 --> 00:19:12.120
  • But let me explain time.
  • 00:19:12.120 --> 00:19:13.120
  • Many men right now think time
  • 00:19:13.120 --> 00:19:14.160
  • means, "Oh, I'm gonna go
  • 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:15.200
  • 45 minutes in the bed."
  • 00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:16.270
  • No, that's not what we're
  • 00:19:16.270 --> 00:19:17.190
  • talkin' about at all.
  • 00:19:17.190 --> 00:19:18.220
  • Actually, I want to talk
  • 00:19:18.220 --> 00:19:19.150
  • about the 45 minutes
  • 00:19:19.150 --> 00:19:20.100
  • before the bedroom.
  • 00:19:20.100 --> 00:19:22.000
  • This is when you say,
  • 00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:22.150
  • "Hey, honey, I just really want
  • 00:19:22.150 --> 00:19:23.220
  • to be with you."
  • 00:19:23.220 --> 00:19:25.100
  • And she says, "Okay."
  • 00:19:25.100 --> 00:19:26.180
  • And you go, "But here's
  • 00:19:26.180 --> 00:19:27.040
  • what I want to do.
  • 00:19:27.040 --> 00:19:27.280
  • I'm gonna take care of the kids
  • 00:19:27.280 --> 00:19:28.190
  • right now.
  • 00:19:28.190 --> 00:19:29.140
  • Why don't you go in our room,
  • 00:19:29.140 --> 00:19:30.210
  • and why don't you just relax,
  • 00:19:30.210 --> 00:19:31.210
  • take it easy, read a book
  • 00:19:31.210 --> 00:19:32.220
  • for all I care, do whatever
  • 00:19:32.220 --> 00:19:33.190
  • you want to do.
  • 00:19:33.190 --> 00:19:34.050
  • Just chill out.
  • 00:19:34.050 --> 00:19:34.240
  • Just relax.
  • 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:35.090
  • Whatever you want to do.
  • 00:19:35.090 --> 00:19:36.010
  • Take a bath if you'd like.
  • 00:19:36.010 --> 00:19:37.110
  • Read 'People' magazine.
  • 00:19:37.110 --> 00:19:38.150
  • Go to CNN.com.
  • 00:19:38.150 --> 00:19:39.150
  • I don't care.
  • 00:19:39.150 --> 00:19:40.100
  • Whatever you want to do.
  • 00:19:40.100 --> 00:19:41.000
  • Just relax, and I'm gonna
  • 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:42.010
  • take care of the kids.
  • 00:19:42.010 --> 00:19:42.260
  • I'm gonna get the laundry goin'.
  • 00:19:42.260 --> 00:19:44.070
  • I'm gonna, you know, help out."
  • 00:19:44.070 --> 00:19:45.200
  • Maybe you don't have kids.
  • 00:19:45.200 --> 00:19:46.110
  • You say, "I'm gonna
  • 00:19:46.110 --> 00:19:46.280
  • kinda clean up this or that,
  • 00:19:46.280 --> 00:19:47.260
  • or I'm just gonna give you
  • 00:19:47.260 --> 00:19:49.020
  • a little time.
  • 00:19:49.020 --> 00:19:49.210
  • But I just want to encourage you
  • 00:19:49.210 --> 00:19:50.210
  • just to have some downtime
  • 00:19:50.210 --> 00:19:51.210
  • so that we can then have
  • 00:19:51.210 --> 00:19:52.230
  • some time together."
  • 00:19:52.230 --> 00:19:54.130
  • You know, the first thing
  • 00:19:54.130 --> 00:19:55.200
  • they did at the local airport
  • 00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:57.150
  • here in our city
  • 00:19:57.150 --> 00:19:58.200
  • to get the big jetliners
  • 00:19:58.200 --> 00:19:59.250
  • to come is they extended
  • 00:19:59.250 --> 00:20:01.050
  • the runway.
  • 00:20:01.050 --> 00:20:03.100
  • 'Cause the jetliners require
  • 00:20:03.100 --> 00:20:04.070
  • more length.
  • 00:20:04.070 --> 00:20:05.210
  • Did you know that?
  • 00:20:05.210 --> 00:20:06.200
  • And if you want to have
  • 00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:07.250
  • an incredible time
  • 00:20:07.250 --> 00:20:09.010
  • with your spouse, you need
  • 00:20:09.010 --> 00:20:10.110
  • to build time, not just
  • 00:20:10.110 --> 00:20:11.110
  • with them, build time
  • 00:20:11.110 --> 00:20:12.130
  • before for them to shift gears.
  • 00:20:12.130 --> 00:20:14.150
  • 'Cause here's the thing, men, we
  • 00:20:14.150 --> 00:20:15.130
  • can shift gears in an instant.
  • 00:20:15.130 --> 00:20:16.220
  • Women are not like that,
  • 00:20:16.220 --> 00:20:17.230
  • especially moms.
  • 00:20:17.230 --> 00:20:19.270
  • So they're in mommy mode,
  • 00:20:19.270 --> 00:20:20.230
  • mommy mode, mommy mode.
  • 00:20:20.230 --> 00:20:21.270
  • You gotta build a season
  • 00:20:21.270 --> 00:20:22.250
  • of time, a window of time,
  • 00:20:22.250 --> 00:20:24.000
  • for them to shift
  • 00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:24.270
  • from mommy mode to wifey mode.
  • 00:20:24.270 --> 00:20:26.280
  • Does this make sense?
  • 00:20:26.280 --> 00:20:28.180
  • And if you will do this,
  • 00:20:28.180 --> 00:20:30.130
  • you will find that that jetliner
  • 00:20:30.130 --> 00:20:31.290
  • will go further and higher
  • 00:20:31.290 --> 00:20:33.170
  • than you ever dreamed.
  • 00:20:33.170 --> 00:20:35.180
  • If you will simply take the time
  • 00:20:35.180 --> 00:20:37.050
  • to recognize the difference
  • 00:20:37.050 --> 00:20:38.160
  • between how you're wired
  • 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:39.270
  • and how they're wired.
  • 00:20:39.270 --> 00:20:41.040
  • Both can fly.
  • 00:20:41.040 --> 00:20:43.040
  • In fact, maybe the reason why
  • 00:20:43.040 --> 00:20:43.280
  • only one's been flyin' is
  • 00:20:43.280 --> 00:20:44.250
  • because no one's built a runway.
  • 00:20:44.250 --> 00:20:47.070
  • Make sense?
  • 00:20:47.070 --> 00:20:48.280
  • Ladies, is this right?
  • 00:20:49.030 --> 00:20:52.030
  • I hear this over and over again.
  • 00:20:52.030 --> 00:20:54.210
  • It really is a big deal.
  • 00:20:54.210 --> 00:20:56.030
  • So we need to build a runway.
  • 00:20:56.030 --> 00:20:57.220
  • It really does make
  • 00:20:57.220 --> 00:20:58.270
  • a difference.
  • 00:20:58.270 --> 00:20:59.140
  • And so you want
  • 00:20:59.140 --> 00:21:00.120
  • to help them out.
  • 00:21:00.120 --> 00:21:01.120
  • Give her time.
  • 00:21:01.120 --> 00:21:02.120
  • And that is a game changer.
  • 00:21:02.120 --> 00:21:04.000
  • So number three is slow down
  • 00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:05.190
  • and dialogue to discover what is
  • 00:21:05.190 --> 00:21:07.050
  • working.
  • 00:21:07.050 --> 00:21:08.190
  • What I just said will work,
  • 00:21:08.190 --> 00:21:10.170
  • but it's not always the fix.
  • 00:21:10.170 --> 00:21:11.230
  • Maybe you need to go get
  • 00:21:11.230 --> 00:21:12.280
  • a good Christian book
  • 00:21:12.280 --> 00:21:14.020
  • that's biological in nature.
  • 00:21:14.020 --> 00:21:16.030
  • Don't go to the sex section
  • 00:21:16.030 --> 00:21:17.070
  • of your typical bookstore.
  • 00:21:17.070 --> 00:21:18.080
  • That's gonna be porn.
  • 00:21:18.080 --> 00:21:18.260
  • That's gonna be stupid stuff
  • 00:21:18.260 --> 00:21:20.050
  • that's not really real.
  • 00:21:20.050 --> 00:21:21.040
  • You need to go
  • 00:21:21.040 --> 00:21:22.080
  • to the Christian bookstore,
  • 00:21:22.080 --> 00:21:23.140
  • where they have biblical truth
  • 00:21:23.140 --> 00:21:25.030
  • on things, and clinical content
  • 00:21:25.030 --> 00:21:27.220
  • that will get very graphic.
  • 00:21:27.220 --> 00:21:29.250
  • Where you're gonna be like,
  • 00:21:29.250 --> 00:21:30.120
  • "Whoa, I can't believe
  • 00:21:30.120 --> 00:21:31.050
  • they just said that."
  • 00:21:31.050 --> 00:21:32.110
  • But you'll really understand
  • 00:21:32.110 --> 00:21:33.110
  • the difference
  • 00:21:33.110 --> 00:21:33.260
  • between each other.
  • 00:21:33.260 --> 00:21:34.210
  • But can I tell ya,
  • 00:21:34.210 --> 00:21:35.060
  • the number one way
  • 00:21:35.060 --> 00:21:35.210
  • to figure out your spouse
  • 00:21:35.210 --> 00:21:36.110
  • is to ask them.
  • 00:21:36.110 --> 00:21:38.200
  • Is just say, "Do you like this
  • 00:21:38.200 --> 00:21:39.140
  • or that, or not, or what?"
  • 00:21:39.170 --> 00:21:42.170
  • And sometimes we think
  • 00:21:42.170 --> 00:21:43.030
  • we're gonna find all that out
  • 00:21:43.030 --> 00:21:44.000
  • in the heat of the moment
  • 00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:45.080
  • because someone's gonna
  • 00:21:45.080 --> 00:21:45.290
  • be panting, saying,
  • 00:21:45.290 --> 00:21:46.240
  • "Yes, yes, yes."
  • 00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:47.090
  • But the reality is
  • 00:21:47.090 --> 00:21:47.280
  • that your spouse may be
  • 00:21:47.280 --> 00:21:48.250
  • the person that's never gonna
  • 00:21:48.250 --> 00:21:49.170
  • do that.
  • 00:21:49.170 --> 00:21:50.240
  • And so they just may be secretly
  • 00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:53.090
  • going through something
  • 00:21:53.090 --> 00:21:54.060
  • that you think they're enjoying,
  • 00:21:54.060 --> 00:21:55.030
  • and they're not.
  • 00:21:55.030 --> 00:21:56.210
  • Wouldn't it be great
  • 00:21:56.210 --> 00:21:57.060
  • just to kinda clear the air
  • 00:21:57.060 --> 00:21:58.020
  • and talk about that, and say,
  • 00:21:58.020 --> 00:21:58.260
  • "Hey, what do you want me to do,
  • 00:21:58.260 --> 00:22:01.270
  • and not do, and be a part of,
  • 00:22:01.270 --> 00:22:02.280
  • and not be a part of?
  • 00:22:02.280 --> 00:22:03.140
  • And I want to explain the same
  • 00:22:03.140 --> 00:22:04.120
  • with you.
  • 00:22:04.120 --> 00:22:05.020
  • And that way we can meet
  • 00:22:05.020 --> 00:22:06.030
  • each other's needs."
  • 00:22:06.030 --> 00:22:07.030
  • And so this is
  • 00:22:07.030 --> 00:22:07.230
  • really important too.
  • 00:22:07.230 --> 00:22:08.180
  • I know, again, I know
  • 00:22:08.180 --> 00:22:09.090
  • it's very personal,
  • 00:22:09.090 --> 00:22:10.020
  • and kinda tough to hear this.
  • 00:22:10.020 --> 00:22:11.000
  • You're like, "Wow, we're
  • 00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:11.200
  • in church talkin' about this."
  • 00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:12.180
  • Look at 1 Corinthians 7, it says
  • 00:22:12.180 --> 00:22:14.020
  • this, "The marriage bed must be
  • 00:22:14.020 --> 00:22:15.140
  • a place of mutuality,
  • 00:22:15.140 --> 00:22:17.030
  • the husband seeking to satisfy
  • 00:22:17.030 --> 00:22:18.100
  • his wife, the wife seeking
  • 00:22:18.100 --> 00:22:20.080
  • to satisfy her husband.
  • 00:22:20.080 --> 00:22:21.160
  • Marriage is not a place
  • 00:22:21.160 --> 00:22:22.140
  • to 'stand up for your rights.'
  • 00:22:22.140 --> 00:22:23.140
  • Marriage is a decision to serve
  • 00:22:23.140 --> 00:22:24.150
  • the other, whether in bed
  • 00:22:24.150 --> 00:22:26.110
  • or out."
  • 00:22:26.110 --> 00:22:27.120
  • Wow, so here's the thing.
  • 00:22:27.120 --> 00:22:29.170
  • Many people go into the bedroom
  • 00:22:29.170 --> 00:22:30.180
  • to "get some."
  • 00:22:30.180 --> 00:22:32.230
  • And that's a guaranteed way
  • 00:22:32.230 --> 00:22:34.110
  • to not get anything.
  • 00:22:34.110 --> 00:22:36.180
  • But if you'll enter that bedroom
  • 00:22:36.180 --> 00:22:37.200
  • in your marriage and say,
  • 00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:38.260
  • "I want to give something.
  • 00:22:38.260 --> 00:22:41.100
  • I want to meet the need
  • 00:22:41.100 --> 00:22:42.050
  • of my spouse," then guess
  • 00:22:42.050 --> 00:22:45.030
  • what happens?
  • 00:22:45.030 --> 00:22:45.250
  • It's crazy how this works.
  • 00:22:45.250 --> 00:22:46.250
  • But if I'll go in to meet
  • 00:22:46.250 --> 00:22:47.220
  • the needs of my spouse
  • 00:22:47.220 --> 00:22:48.220
  • in loving her,
  • 00:22:48.220 --> 00:22:49.140
  • and I'm not talkin'
  • 00:22:49.140 --> 00:22:49.290
  • about just the bedroom,
  • 00:22:49.290 --> 00:22:50.200
  • I'm talkin' about way before we
  • 00:22:50.200 --> 00:22:51.160
  • ever to get to bed, meeting
  • 00:22:51.160 --> 00:22:52.220
  • her needs in the kitchen,
  • 00:22:52.220 --> 00:22:54.030
  • meeting her needs
  • 00:22:54.030 --> 00:22:54.220
  • with our children,
  • 00:22:54.220 --> 00:22:55.120
  • meeting her needs in our home,
  • 00:22:55.120 --> 00:22:56.250
  • then typically, if I do
  • 00:22:56.250 --> 00:22:58.100
  • those things and build a runway,
  • 00:22:58.100 --> 00:23:00.190
  • things go good for Pastor Bil.
  • 00:23:02.110 --> 00:23:05.110
  • Okay, number four, put
  • 00:23:05.110 --> 00:23:07.150
  • the other person's needs
  • 00:23:07.150 --> 00:23:08.190
  • and desires above your own,
  • 00:23:08.190 --> 00:23:10.190
  • is what we're trying to say.
  • 00:23:10.190 --> 00:23:12.040
  • And there was a wife,
  • 00:23:12.040 --> 00:23:12.190
  • by the way, she turned
  • 00:23:12.190 --> 00:23:13.050
  • to her husband.
  • 00:23:13.050 --> 00:23:13.200
  • She said, "You know,
  • 00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:14.050
  • our new neighbor always kisses
  • 00:23:14.050 --> 00:23:14.250
  • his wife when he leaves
  • 00:23:14.250 --> 00:23:15.150
  • for work.
  • 00:23:15.150 --> 00:23:16.000
  • Why don't you do that?"
  • 00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:16.240
  • And he said,
  • 00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:17.090
  • "Well, I barely know her.
  • 00:23:17.090 --> 00:23:18.100
  • Why would I do that?
  • 00:23:18.100 --> 00:23:18.290
  • That's just--"
  • 00:23:18.290 --> 00:23:21.140
  • So anyways, okay.
  • 00:23:21.140 --> 00:23:21.290
  • So we need to clue in, guys.
  • 00:23:21.290 --> 00:23:24.280
  • We need to clue in.
  • 00:23:24.280 --> 00:23:25.180
  • So here's the deal.
  • 00:23:25.180 --> 00:23:26.170
  • One time my wife and I, I walk
  • 00:23:26.170 --> 00:23:29.030
  • over, we're in our bedroom,
  • 00:23:29.030 --> 00:23:30.030
  • this is, like, super personal,
  • 00:23:30.030 --> 00:23:31.070
  • but it's okay.
  • 00:23:31.070 --> 00:23:31.270
  • I walk over and I lock our door,
  • 00:23:31.270 --> 00:23:32.270
  • which is, like, universal sign
  • 00:23:32.270 --> 00:23:34.010
  • of, "You ain't gettin'
  • 00:23:34.010 --> 00:23:34.220
  • out of here," right?
  • 00:23:34.220 --> 00:23:35.180
  • You know, so I lock
  • 00:23:35.180 --> 00:23:36.030
  • the door, right?
  • 00:23:36.030 --> 00:23:37.130
  • I walk back over and I'm like,
  • 00:23:37.130 --> 00:23:38.180
  • "Hey," you know, "you wanna,
  • 00:23:38.180 --> 00:23:39.180
  • like, maybe do it?"
  • 00:23:39.180 --> 00:23:41.050
  • You know, "You wanna--"
  • 00:23:41.050 --> 00:23:41.200
  • You know, just start talkin'
  • 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:42.070
  • to her.
  • 00:23:42.070 --> 00:23:42.230
  • And she's like, "How--?"
  • 00:23:42.230 --> 00:23:43.150
  • This is really what happened.
  • 00:23:43.150 --> 00:23:44.030
  • She goes, "How can you
  • 00:23:44.030 --> 00:23:44.260
  • even think about sex
  • 00:23:44.260 --> 00:23:45.130
  • right now?"
  • 00:23:45.130 --> 00:23:46.000
  • I'm like, "What do you mean?"
  • 00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:46.180
  • She goes, "Look, we are
  • 00:23:46.180 --> 00:23:47.030
  • literally standing
  • 00:23:47.030 --> 00:23:48.010
  • right in front of dirty laundry,
  • 00:23:48.010 --> 00:23:49.140
  • on the floor, in our bedroom.
  • 00:23:49.140 --> 00:23:50.220
  • How can you think about sex?"
  • 00:23:50.220 --> 00:23:51.180
  • I was like, "Thinkin' about sex
  • 00:23:51.180 --> 00:23:52.070
  • because dirty laundry--?
  • 00:23:52.070 --> 00:23:53.010
  • I can have sex
  • 00:23:53.010 --> 00:23:53.230
  • in the dirty laundry with you
  • 00:23:53.230 --> 00:23:55.080
  • right now."
  • 00:23:55.080 --> 00:23:57.080
  • I'm tellin' you, we're
  • 00:23:57.080 --> 00:23:57.230
  • helicopters, man, let's go.
  • 00:23:57.230 --> 00:23:59.040
  • You know, there's
  • 00:23:59.040 --> 00:23:59.230
  • no problem here.
  • 00:23:59.230 --> 00:24:01.150
  • That's not how ladies are.
  • 00:24:01.150 --> 00:24:02.100
  • So the deal is, is that if you
  • 00:24:02.100 --> 00:24:03.240
  • will put
  • 00:24:03.240 --> 00:24:04.090
  • the other person's needs
  • 00:24:04.090 --> 00:24:05.020
  • above your own, great things
  • 00:24:05.020 --> 00:24:06.140
  • can happen.
  • 00:24:06.140 --> 00:24:07.010
  • One side note, need to say, it's
  • 00:24:07.010 --> 00:24:08.000
  • a big one, though.
  • 00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:09.010
  • It's a big one, okay?
  • 00:24:09.010 --> 00:24:09.260
  • Before we wrap it up, here's
  • 00:24:09.260 --> 00:24:10.130
  • the deal.
  • 00:24:10.130 --> 00:24:11.050
  • Now, a lot of people can work
  • 00:24:11.050 --> 00:24:12.030
  • through it on their own
  • 00:24:12.030 --> 00:24:12.260
  • and they're fine.
  • 00:24:12.260 --> 00:24:13.140
  • But if you cannot, listen,
  • 00:24:13.140 --> 00:24:14.290
  • listen very carefully.
  • 00:24:14.290 --> 00:24:15.250
  • And I don't mean to offend you.
  • 00:24:15.250 --> 00:24:16.250
  • I'm trying to help you
  • 00:24:16.250 --> 00:24:17.100
  • right now, okay?
  • 00:24:17.100 --> 00:24:18.020
  • If you are not able
  • 00:24:18.020 --> 00:24:18.220
  • to fully give yourself
  • 00:24:18.220 --> 00:24:19.160
  • to your spouse because something
  • 00:24:19.160 --> 00:24:20.100
  • was done to you, or even you
  • 00:24:20.100 --> 00:24:21.250
  • chose to be a part of something
  • 00:24:21.250 --> 00:24:22.230
  • that you regret greatly
  • 00:24:22.230 --> 00:24:23.210
  • now, okay?
  • 00:24:23.210 --> 00:24:25.010
  • Or someone did something to you
  • 00:24:25.010 --> 00:24:26.160
  • that you had no power over,
  • 00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:27.200
  • okay?
  • 00:24:27.200 --> 00:24:28.070
  • Either way, if you're unable
  • 00:24:28.070 --> 00:24:29.280
  • to freely give yourself
  • 00:24:29.280 --> 00:24:31.080
  • to your spouse, then you are
  • 00:24:31.080 --> 00:24:32.110
  • letting that victim
  • 00:24:32.110 --> 00:24:33.120
  • from your past victimize
  • 00:24:33.120 --> 00:24:35.020
  • your spouse now.
  • 00:24:35.020 --> 00:24:37.170
  • Did you hear that?
  • 00:24:37.170 --> 00:24:39.140
  • You must get help.
  • 00:24:39.140 --> 00:24:42.110
  • Forgive them.
  • 00:24:42.110 --> 00:24:43.030
  • Get some counseling,
  • 00:24:43.030 --> 00:24:44.010
  • and get past that.
  • 00:24:44.010 --> 00:24:45.020
  • Not just to get past that
  • 00:24:45.020 --> 00:24:46.180
  • because of what happened to you,
  • 00:24:46.180 --> 00:24:47.200
  • but because of what's happening
  • 00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:48.260
  • to you now, and to your spouse.
  • 00:24:48.280 --> 00:24:51.280
  • Does that make sense?
  • 00:24:51.280 --> 00:24:53.260
  • So we have got to learn
  • 00:24:53.260 --> 00:24:54.280
  • to freely give ourselves
  • 00:24:54.280 --> 00:24:56.220
  • to one another.
  • 00:24:56.220 --> 00:24:57.280
  • I heard a woman speaking
  • 00:24:57.280 --> 00:24:58.220
  • one time on this,
  • 00:24:58.220 --> 00:24:59.130
  • incredible teacher,
  • 00:24:59.130 --> 00:25:00.160
  • and she said, "Ladies, we need
  • 00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:01.250
  • to give ourselves to our men
  • 00:25:01.250 --> 00:25:02.270
  • even if we've been
  • 00:25:02.270 --> 00:25:03.200
  • through stuff."
  • 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:04.090
  • And this woman who was speaking
  • 00:25:04.090 --> 00:25:05.000
  • had been raped countless times.
  • 00:25:06.260 --> 00:25:09.260
  • The good news, it's possible.
  • 00:25:09.260 --> 00:25:12.150
  • And she's not tortured doing it
  • 00:25:12.150 --> 00:25:14.130
  • because she's free of that.
  • 00:25:14.130 --> 00:25:16.080
  • That's not who she is.
  • 00:25:16.080 --> 00:25:17.120
  • What was done to you,
  • 00:25:17.120 --> 00:25:18.010
  • it's not who you are.
  • 00:25:18.010 --> 00:25:20.140
  • You can be free of that.
  • 00:25:20.140 --> 00:25:22.260
  • It's so critical
  • 00:25:22.260 --> 00:25:24.080
  • that we understand
  • 00:25:24.080 --> 00:25:25.000
  • that Satan's greatest ploy
  • 00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:25.260
  • wasn't just to hurt you
  • 00:25:25.260 --> 00:25:26.220
  • as a child.
  • 00:25:26.220 --> 00:25:27.090
  • His greatest ploy was to hurt
  • 00:25:27.090 --> 00:25:28.000
  • your marriage.
  • 00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:29.170
  • Let's not let him win.
  • 00:25:29.170 --> 00:25:31.120
  • God has a better way.
  • 00:25:31.120 --> 00:25:32.170
  • God wants us to freely give
  • 00:25:32.170 --> 00:25:33.190
  • ourselves fully to each other
  • 00:25:33.190 --> 00:25:35.100
  • for life.
  • 00:25:35.100 --> 00:25:37.000
  • - Bil: Hey, thanks so much for
  • 00:25:46.080 --> 00:25:47.050
  • watching the program today.
  • 00:25:47.050 --> 00:25:48.160
  • I've got a question for you.
  • 00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:50.010
  • Have you asked Jesus Christ to
  • 00:25:50.010 --> 00:25:51.050
  • be your Lord and Savior?
  • 00:25:51.050 --> 00:25:53.000
  • Have you prayed a simple prayer
  • 00:25:53.000 --> 00:25:54.180
  • that guarantees that you will go
  • 00:25:54.180 --> 00:25:56.200
  • to heaven because
  • 00:25:56.200 --> 00:25:57.140
  • you know Jesus?
  • 00:25:57.140 --> 00:25:59.060
  • Would you pray this prayer
  • 00:25:59.060 --> 00:25:59.290
  • with me right now?
  • 00:25:59.290 --> 00:26:01.020
  • You can just say this out loud.
  • 00:26:01.020 --> 00:26:02.090
  • You can say, "Dear Jesus,
  • 00:26:02.090 --> 00:26:03.200
  • I realize I need you.
  • 00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:05.180
  • I believe you died on the cross
  • 00:26:05.180 --> 00:26:06.250
  • for me to pay the price
  • 00:26:06.250 --> 00:26:08.060
  • for my sins
  • 00:26:08.060 --> 00:26:09.120
  • and I believe you rose again.
  • 00:26:09.120 --> 00:26:10.230
  • Please come into my heart,
  • 00:26:10.230 --> 00:26:12.070
  • be my Lord and be my Savior.
  • 00:26:12.070 --> 00:26:14.220
  • Thank you, Jesus, for saving me.
  • 00:26:14.220 --> 00:26:17.030
  • In your name we pray, amen."
  • 00:26:18.170 --> 00:26:21.170
  • - female announcer: Could it be
  • 00:26:21.170 --> 00:26:22.110
  • that your breaking point is
  • 00:26:22.110 --> 00:26:23.210
  • actually a platform for victory?
  • 00:26:23.210 --> 00:26:25.020
  • In his new DVD message,
  • 00:26:25.020 --> 00:26:26.140
  • Pastor Bil shares on how
  • 00:26:26.140 --> 00:26:27.200
  • to rise above your circumstances
  • 00:26:27.200 --> 00:26:28.250
  • and follow the plan
  • 00:26:28.250 --> 00:26:29.100
  • - Bil Cornelius: God wants
  • 00:26:32.030 --> 00:26:32.200
  • to give you a great vision
  • 00:26:32.200 --> 00:26:33.070
  • for your life, but you know
  • 00:26:33.070 --> 00:26:33.280
  • what gets in the way of vision?
  • 00:26:33.280 --> 00:26:35.230
  • Sight.
  • 00:26:35.230 --> 00:26:37.210
  • Who you can see now gets in the
  • 00:26:37.210 --> 00:26:39.130
  • way of who you can't see yet.
  • 00:26:39.130 --> 00:26:41.170
  • Oh, all I see is a kid who is
  • 00:26:41.170 --> 00:26:42.100
  • just disobeying me.
  • 00:26:42.100 --> 00:26:43.060
  • No, I see a young man or a young
  • 00:26:43.060 --> 00:26:44.020
  • woman that turns into
  • 00:26:44.020 --> 00:26:45.030
  • a godly man that honors the Lord
  • 00:26:45.030 --> 00:26:46.100
  • with their life and changes
  • 00:26:46.100 --> 00:26:47.070
  • the next generation.
  • 00:26:47.070 --> 00:26:48.000
  • What are you seeing
  • 00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:48.220
  • in your kids?
  • 00:26:48.220 --> 00:26:49.080
  • Because what you see
  • 00:26:49.080 --> 00:26:49.230
  • - announcer: As a thank you
  • 00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:52.110
  • for your gift of any amount
  • 00:26:52.110 --> 00:26:52.280
  • to the Bil Cornelius Ministries,
  • 00:26:52.280 --> 00:26:54.040
  • we would like to send you a copy
  • 00:26:54.040 --> 00:26:55.000
  • of "Spy Stories:
  • 00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:56.120
  • Activating Your Faith
  • 00:26:56.120 --> 00:26:57.110
  • in the Face of Danger."
  • 00:26:57.110 --> 00:26:59.010
  • For a gift of $40 or more, you
  • 00:26:59.010 --> 00:27:00.160
  • can receive the complete series,
  • 00:27:00.160 --> 00:27:02.080
  • "Spy Stories," which includes
  • 00:27:02.080 --> 00:27:03.150
  • all 4 DVD messages.
  • 00:27:03.150 --> 00:27:05.180
  • To request your copy of
  • 00:27:05.180 --> 00:27:06.220
  • "Activating Your Faith
  • 00:27:06.220 --> 00:27:08.000
  • in the Face of Danger,"
  • 00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:09.000
  • or to request the entire
  • 00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:10.040
  • "Spy Stories" series,
  • 00:27:10.040 --> 00:27:11.150
  • call 855-357-4422,
  • 00:27:11.150 --> 00:27:14.140