Navigating Family Drama | Better Together | TBN

Navigating Family Drama | Better Together

Watch Navigating Family Drama | Better Together
August 15, 2019
25:31

Just because you are related to them doesn't mean you have to like them--right? Let's talk about it! | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

Closed captions

Navigating Family Drama | Better Together

Show timecode
Hide timecode
  • - Hurt, anger, and betrayal are devastating to any family.
  • 00:00:01.130 --> 00:00:04.180
  • How do we choose healing and hope?
  • 00:00:04.180 --> 00:00:06.190
  • Let's talk about it.
  • 00:00:06.190 --> 00:00:08.040
  • (joyful, confident music)
  • 00:00:08.040 --> 00:00:11.190
  • - Family, family, family, anybody ever witness family drama?
  • 00:00:34.150 --> 00:00:37.260
  • (women laugh) Raise your hand.
  • 00:00:37.260 --> 00:00:39.060
  • Raise your hand, any family drama?
  • 00:00:39.060 --> 00:00:40.230
  • - [Laurie] Actually, I could write a book.
  • 00:00:40.230 --> 00:00:42.070
  • - I don't think you can actually have family without drama.
  • 00:00:42.070 --> 00:00:43.260
  • - No.
  • 00:00:43.260 --> 00:00:44.210
  • - It's really real.
  • 00:00:44.210 --> 00:00:45.290
  • It's really painful, but I think, you know,
  • 00:00:45.290 --> 00:00:50.170
  • I always tell people, I think the Lord gives us children
  • 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:53.270
  • to deepen our prayer life, I think--
  • 00:00:53.270 --> 00:00:56.250
  • - [Laurie] Grow us up.
  • 00:00:56.250 --> 00:00:58.100
  • - I think marriage, I mean, it really helps you
  • 00:00:58.100 --> 00:01:00.290
  • to make up your mind if you're really gonna be saved or not.
  • 00:01:00.290 --> 00:01:05.030
  • (women laugh) - Yes, yes.
  • 00:01:05.030 --> 00:01:06.100
  • - I choose salvation to save your life.
  • 00:01:07.150 --> 00:01:09.190
  • - [CeCe] Marriage will make you saved or backslide.
  • 00:01:09.190 --> 00:01:11.020
  • - [Laurie] I choose to save your life.
  • 00:01:11.020 --> 00:01:12.080
  • - You know what I'm saying?
  • 00:01:12.080 --> 00:01:13.160
  • There's nothing in between--
  • 00:01:13.160 --> 00:01:14.140
  • - [Havilah] That's right.
  • 00:01:14.140 --> 00:01:15.210
  • - Your flesh has to die, you know?
  • 00:01:15.210 --> 00:01:17.070
  • But God has the cross, the blood of Jesus--
  • 00:01:18.190 --> 00:01:21.030
  • - Yeah, thank you, Jesus.
  • 00:01:21.030 --> 00:01:22.240
  • - [CeCe] Has provided everything we need.
  • 00:01:22.240 --> 00:01:24.130
  • - Amen.
  • 00:01:24.130 --> 00:01:25.190
  • - He's given us the wisdom we need.
  • 00:01:25.190 --> 00:01:27.150
  • All we have to do is ask.
  • 00:01:27.150 --> 00:01:29.060
  • But again, we have to do it his way, you know?
  • 00:01:29.060 --> 00:01:31.120
  • And I remember being betrayed by a family member,
  • 00:01:31.120 --> 00:01:35.070
  • and just broke my heart.
  • 00:01:35.070 --> 00:01:37.030
  • Broke my heart.
  • 00:01:37.030 --> 00:01:38.100
  • I remember, you know, it was one of those times
  • 00:01:38.100 --> 00:01:40.240
  • when you hear the Holy Spirit
  • 00:01:40.240 --> 00:01:42.280
  • but you didn't wanna hear him.
  • 00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:44.040
  • (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:01:44.040 --> 00:01:45.200
  • You wanted to act like you didn't know it was him.
  • 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:46.190
  • And basically he just said,
  • 00:01:46.190 --> 00:01:47.180
  • "Now what's more important,
  • 00:01:47.180 --> 00:01:48.280
  • "your feelings or my perfect will?"
  • 00:01:48.280 --> 00:01:51.010
  • - Wow.
  • 00:01:51.010 --> 00:01:52.080
  • - I was like, oh, I hate those, oh.
  • 00:01:53.150 --> 00:01:55.110
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:01:55.110 --> 00:01:56.180
  • - That's right.
  • 00:01:56.180 --> 00:01:57.270
  • - And I was like, "Lord, your will is your will."
  • 00:01:57.270 --> 00:02:01.020
  • "So if it's my will,
  • 00:02:01.020 --> 00:02:02.090
  • "then you have to humble yourself.
  • 00:02:02.090 --> 00:02:04.020
  • "And you still have to walk in love,
  • 00:02:04.020 --> 00:02:05.160
  • "and you have to love that person
  • 00:02:05.160 --> 00:02:07.220
  • "just like I love you."
  • 00:02:07.220 --> 00:02:09.260
  • How many times have we betrayed him, you know?
  • 00:02:09.260 --> 00:02:13.220
  • It's funny because it's easy to do it
  • 00:02:13.220 --> 00:02:16.190
  • for people you don't know because it's just not the same.
  • 00:02:16.190 --> 00:02:20.160
  • But somebody who you know know better,
  • 00:02:21.210 --> 00:02:24.190
  • you know was taught the way you were taught.
  • 00:02:24.190 --> 00:02:26.250
  • It'll knock the wind out of you.
  • 00:02:29.240 --> 00:02:32.210
  • - It does. - I know for me it will knock
  • 00:02:32.210 --> 00:02:33.260
  • the wind out of you.
  • 00:02:33.260 --> 00:02:35.010
  • For me, when the wind is knocked out of me,
  • 00:02:36.070 --> 00:02:40.270
  • I have to fall on my knees.
  • 00:02:40.270 --> 00:02:42.180
  • I have to cry out, and the Bible said
  • 00:02:43.240 --> 00:02:46.070
  • that "he hears the cries of the righteous."
  • 00:02:46.070 --> 00:02:48.240
  • It doesn't, (groans)
  • 00:02:50.130 --> 00:02:52.220
  • it doesn't make that person unlovable.
  • 00:02:54.010 --> 00:02:58.230
  • (laughs) (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:03:01.080 --> 00:03:02.200
  • Because God still loves that person.
  • 00:03:02.200 --> 00:03:05.200
  • - I think when we're in the middle of conflict,
  • 00:03:05.200 --> 00:03:07.120
  • the one thing we don't want to offer is love or acceptance
  • 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:10.210
  • because we want to punish them.
  • 00:03:10.210 --> 00:03:13.120
  • We want them to know that it's not acceptable,
  • 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:15.050
  • how they're acting, and we wanna feel removed
  • 00:03:15.050 --> 00:03:17.120
  • from the pain that they're inflicting.
  • 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:19.000
  • I love what CeCe said because the truth is, it's true,
  • 00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:22.060
  • we still have to love them.
  • 00:03:22.060 --> 00:03:23.140
  • Now, we don't love them because they're lovable.
  • 00:03:23.140 --> 00:03:25.130
  • We love them because that's who we are,
  • 00:03:25.130 --> 00:03:27.180
  • and we offer love to anybody.
  • 00:03:27.180 --> 00:03:29.170
  • And that's, I think, the way that I've been able
  • 00:03:29.170 --> 00:03:32.060
  • to navigate it in my own life, is I don't look
  • 00:03:32.060 --> 00:03:34.220
  • at somebody and see are they worthy of love and acceptance?
  • 00:03:34.220 --> 00:03:38.000
  • Are they worthy of forgiveness?
  • 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:39.130
  • Are they worthy of me being kind to them?
  • 00:03:39.130 --> 00:03:42.050
  • That's irrelevant.
  • 00:03:42.050 --> 00:03:43.210
  • How I choose to respond says everything about me,
  • 00:03:43.210 --> 00:03:46.160
  • and how I treat the world around me has everything
  • 00:03:46.160 --> 00:03:49.130
  • to do with what's on the inside of me.
  • 00:03:49.130 --> 00:03:51.120
  • So if I go in an atmosphere where somebody isn't accepting
  • 00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:54.050
  • of me, that doesn't matter because what they choose
  • 00:03:54.050 --> 00:03:57.000
  • to believe about me is secondary
  • 00:03:57.000 --> 00:03:59.060
  • to who I'm gonna be in the environment.
  • 00:03:59.060 --> 00:04:01.010
  • So you make a choice, how you're gonna show up.
  • 00:04:01.010 --> 00:04:03.100
  • Some people will love you.
  • 00:04:03.100 --> 00:04:04.230
  • Other people won't.
  • 00:04:04.230 --> 00:04:06.010
  • I think about Jesus.
  • 00:04:06.010 --> 00:04:07.090
  • One minute they're saying, "Hosanna!"
  • 00:04:07.090 --> 00:04:09.040
  • And the next minute they're saying, "Give us Barabbas!"
  • 00:04:09.040 --> 00:04:11.150
  • - [CeCe] What did you say about safe?
  • 00:04:11.150 --> 00:04:12.130
  • - Sometimes they're unsafe.
  • 00:04:12.130 --> 00:04:13.270
  • - Now, if you're unsafe, then you have to use wisdom.
  • 00:04:13.270 --> 00:04:16.080
  • - [Lisa] Right, right.
  • 00:04:16.080 --> 00:04:18.030
  • - If you're in a situation
  • 00:04:18.030 --> 00:04:19.090
  • and somebody's threatening your life,
  • 00:04:19.090 --> 00:04:21.120
  • somebody's abusing you, then you have to remove yourself
  • 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:25.020
  • from that situation,
  • 00:04:25.020 --> 00:04:26.020
  • and continue in prayer, continue in prayer
  • 00:04:27.100 --> 00:04:31.180
  • until God gives you clear direction.
  • 00:04:31.180 --> 00:04:33.230
  • But wisdom tells you get out.
  • 00:04:33.230 --> 00:04:37.160
  • Like, I heard a pastor say,
  • 00:04:37.160 --> 00:04:38.220
  • "If somebody said, 'I'm gonna kill you,'
  • 00:04:38.220 --> 00:04:39.240
  • "believe them the first time."
  • 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:40.270
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:04:40.270 --> 00:04:42.260
  • - 'Cause there might not be a second.
  • 00:04:42.260 --> 00:04:44.110
  • - Believe them the first time they said that, yeah.
  • 00:04:44.110 --> 00:04:45.180
  • You have to do that and go to a safe place.
  • 00:04:45.180 --> 00:04:49.200
  • So there's different types of--
  • 00:04:49.200 --> 00:04:51.050
  • - But there's even (CeCe talks over Lisa) emotional things.
  • 00:04:51.050 --> 00:04:52.210
  • Like, for example, if somebody is betraying,
  • 00:04:52.210 --> 00:04:55.020
  • betraying, betraying, you almost have to say,
  • 00:04:55.020 --> 00:04:57.240
  • I love you, but this is unhealthy.
  • 00:04:57.240 --> 00:05:00.260
  • I'm not playing this role anymore in your life.
  • 00:05:00.260 --> 00:05:03.210
  • I've had to do that with family members,
  • 00:05:03.210 --> 00:05:05.060
  • where I say, "I love you and I am here for you,
  • 00:05:05.060 --> 00:05:07.150
  • "but we're not interacting."
  • 00:05:07.150 --> 00:05:08.230
  • Like, you get in a pattern with them.
  • 00:05:08.230 --> 00:05:10.120
  • And you're like, this isn't healthy for you
  • 00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:12.150
  • and it's not healthy for me.
  • 00:05:12.150 --> 00:05:14.010
  • So I'm pulling back,
  • 00:05:14.010 --> 00:05:16.270
  • and we'll have to reassess it.
  • 00:05:16.270 --> 00:05:21.090
  • I love you and I forgive you.
  • 00:05:21.090 --> 00:05:23.160
  • I'm not angry.
  • 00:05:23.160 --> 00:05:24.230
  • Because a lot of times people think
  • 00:05:24.230 --> 00:05:26.000
  • that when they forgive somebody--
  • 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:27.230
  • - That you have to stay in it, no.
  • 00:05:27.230 --> 00:05:30.020
  • - That they have to be restored, or what.
  • 00:05:30.020 --> 00:05:31.130
  • But forgiveness is what we're commanded to do
  • 00:05:31.130 --> 00:05:33.220
  • Restoration is different.
  • 00:05:33.220 --> 00:05:35.180
  • Restoration requires repentance.
  • 00:05:35.180 --> 00:05:38.000
  • That's a revelation that I've been doing something wrong.
  • 00:05:38.000 --> 00:05:41.030
  • We were all forgiven from the cross,
  • 00:05:41.030 --> 00:05:43.030
  • but we're not saved until we repented and we said,
  • 00:05:43.030 --> 00:05:46.230
  • "I'm wrong.
  • 00:05:46.230 --> 00:05:48.020
  • "You're right."
  • 00:05:48.020 --> 00:05:49.080
  • And then there was a restoration.
  • 00:05:49.080 --> 00:05:50.210
  • A lot of times I think that Christians have blurred
  • 00:05:52.030 --> 00:05:54.160
  • that line and pushed people into unhealthy relationships.
  • 00:05:54.160 --> 00:05:57.080
  • - Unhealthy relationships.
  • 00:05:57.080 --> 00:05:58.190
  • - [Lisa] Unhealthy relationship patterns, too.
  • 00:05:58.190 --> 00:06:00.070
  • - Yeah, sometimes you have to redefine relationships.
  • 00:06:00.070 --> 00:06:03.030
  • - Restoration is hard work.
  • 00:06:03.030 --> 00:06:04.280
  • If somebody is saying, "I'm sorry for the consequences,"
  • 00:06:04.280 --> 00:06:07.290
  • but they actually don't really understand what's happened,
  • 00:06:07.290 --> 00:06:11.160
  • then they actually are not really in the position
  • 00:06:11.160 --> 00:06:14.180
  • to be safe or to do the hard work.
  • 00:06:14.180 --> 00:06:18.120
  • How I can kind of say this is when you have a restoration,
  • 00:06:18.120 --> 00:06:21.240
  • it actually gets modeled when we see Jesus.
  • 00:06:21.240 --> 00:06:24.210
  • Jesus forgave all of us from the cross.
  • 00:06:24.210 --> 00:06:27.090
  • He said, "Father, forgive them.
  • 00:06:27.090 --> 00:06:29.040
  • "They don't know what they're doing."
  • 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:30.090
  • That's forgiveness.
  • 00:06:30.090 --> 00:06:31.230
  • Often, when we are dealing with people, we think
  • 00:06:31.230 --> 00:06:33.270
  • that they know what they're doing.
  • 00:06:33.270 --> 00:06:35.110
  • Usually, they don't know how much they have hurt us.
  • 00:06:35.110 --> 00:06:37.110
  • No ways for them to understand the wounding
  • 00:06:37.110 --> 00:06:40.050
  • of what they've done.
  • 00:06:40.050 --> 00:06:41.190
  • So that's one of the best things we can ever do.
  • 00:06:41.190 --> 00:06:42.230
  • "Father, forgive them.
  • 00:06:42.230 --> 00:06:43.270
  • "They don't know what they did."
  • 00:06:43.270 --> 00:06:45.290
  • But we were not restored.
  • 00:06:45.290 --> 00:06:47.120
  • That restoration process did not begin
  • 00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:49.260
  • until I repented, till I said,
  • 00:06:49.260 --> 00:06:51.160
  • "You know what, God?
  • 00:06:51.160 --> 00:06:52.170
  • "I'm wrong.
  • 00:06:52.170 --> 00:06:53.130
  • "You're right."
  • 00:06:53.130 --> 00:06:54.280
  • I'm not saying that everybody needs to say "you're right!"
  • 00:06:54.280 --> 00:06:56.260
  • I'm saying there comes a place of humility,
  • 00:06:56.260 --> 00:06:59.070
  • and for us, it's not to each other
  • 00:06:59.070 --> 00:07:00.280
  • as much as to the Word of God.
  • 00:07:00.280 --> 00:07:02.180
  • You know what?
  • 00:07:02.180 --> 00:07:03.160
  • I could have been more loving.
  • 00:07:03.160 --> 00:07:04.140
  • I could have been more this.
  • 00:07:04.140 --> 00:07:05.120
  • I could have been more generous.
  • 00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:06.190
  • I could have been more understanding.
  • 00:07:06.190 --> 00:07:07.270
  • I could have been more sympathetic.
  • 00:07:07.270 --> 00:07:09.020
  • When you have a position of humility,
  • 00:07:09.020 --> 00:07:12.020
  • you can build off of that.
  • 00:07:12.020 --> 00:07:13.160
  • Pride is a very difficult thing to build off of.
  • 00:07:13.160 --> 00:07:16.160
  • Restoration begins with repentance,
  • 00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:19.180
  • and repentance is that foundation that I am going
  • 00:07:19.180 --> 00:07:22.220
  • to submit to the Word of God.
  • 00:07:22.220 --> 00:07:24.080
  • I am going to repent of my self-will, self-attitude,
  • 00:07:24.080 --> 00:07:27.170
  • whatever it is, selfishness, and I am going to lean
  • 00:07:27.170 --> 00:07:31.030
  • into what God says.
  • 00:07:31.030 --> 00:07:32.060
  • So restoration, it's hard work.
  • 00:07:32.060 --> 00:07:34.050
  • - You know, I had a situation
  • 00:07:34.050 --> 00:07:36.190
  • on the Orendorff side of my family,
  • 00:07:36.190 --> 00:07:39.090
  • and there was just misinformation and all that stuff
  • 00:07:39.090 --> 00:07:44.090
  • that comes with relationships.
  • 00:07:45.240 --> 00:07:48.040
  • You believing one thing and that's not what happened,
  • 00:07:48.040 --> 00:07:51.160
  • and then your perception and, oh, you know,
  • 00:07:51.160 --> 00:07:53.200
  • that whole bit.
  • 00:07:53.200 --> 00:07:55.040
  • I remember I was the one that tried
  • 00:07:55.040 --> 00:07:57.010
  • to stay in relationship, and I put forth a lot of effort
  • 00:07:57.010 --> 00:08:00.190
  • even to the detriment of some very close family members,
  • 00:08:00.190 --> 00:08:04.050
  • just saying, if I can be the bridge, I will.
  • 00:08:04.050 --> 00:08:07.210
  • I remember there was a point where that was just over.
  • 00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:13.000
  • I wrote a note and I just said, I felt
  • 00:08:15.030 --> 00:08:17.210
  • that the Lord just told me to say,
  • 00:08:17.210 --> 00:08:19.030
  • "My porch light is always on for you."
  • 00:08:19.030 --> 00:08:22.080
  • - When you're ready.
  • 00:08:22.080 --> 00:08:23.030
  • - When you're ready.
  • 00:08:23.030 --> 00:08:24.110
  • And my husband told me this morning, he said,
  • 00:08:24.110 --> 00:08:26.190
  • "You could have invested 10, 15 years trying to make
  • 00:08:26.190 --> 00:08:31.190
  • "that work, fix that with all of the energy and trying to,"
  • 00:08:33.030 --> 00:08:36.150
  • and he said, "Look what you've saved yourself
  • 00:08:36.150 --> 00:08:38.230
  • "because you followed the Spirit of the Lord,"
  • 00:08:38.230 --> 00:08:40.120
  • and said, "Look, my porch light is always on,
  • 00:08:40.120 --> 00:08:42.190
  • "whether it's 10 years, whether it's 50 years,
  • 00:08:42.190 --> 00:08:45.160
  • "I'm here."
  • 00:08:45.160 --> 00:08:47.070
  • Sometimes, I think we just have to do that, and I think
  • 00:08:47.070 --> 00:08:50.210
  • sometimes there is no reconciliation, sad to say.
  • 00:08:50.210 --> 00:08:54.030
  • - [Lisa] There's forgiveness.
  • 00:08:54.030 --> 00:08:55.100
  • - There's forgiveness, but not reconciliation.
  • 00:08:55.100 --> 00:08:56.180
  • - Absolutely, but maybe not ever reconciliation.
  • 00:08:56.180 --> 00:09:00.110
  • - Christian families are not perfect.
  • 00:09:00.110 --> 00:09:01.260
  • I haven't met one person who grew up in an incredible home
  • 00:09:01.260 --> 00:09:04.180
  • that didn't have issues.
  • 00:09:04.180 --> 00:09:05.140
  • Why?
  • 00:09:05.140 --> 00:09:06.120
  • Because the world is broken.
  • 00:09:06.120 --> 00:09:08.030
  • All of our lives are touched by difficulties
  • 00:09:08.030 --> 00:09:10.270
  • of relationship or miscommunication or areas of pain
  • 00:09:10.270 --> 00:09:15.100
  • that we didn't expect.
  • 00:09:15.100 --> 00:09:16.080
  • So no family is perfect.
  • 00:09:16.080 --> 00:09:18.140
  • You might as well just step off that and realize
  • 00:09:18.140 --> 00:09:20.190
  • that we wanna do our best.
  • 00:09:20.190 --> 00:09:22.200
  • We wanna show up as the best person
  • 00:09:22.200 --> 00:09:24.040
  • that God's called us to.
  • 00:09:24.040 --> 00:09:25.110
  • But, ultimately, we need a Savior, right?
  • 00:09:25.110 --> 00:09:27.210
  • And that's why Jesus came, is to help us.
  • 00:09:27.210 --> 00:09:29.280
  • So don't get stuck in the perfection cycle.
  • 00:09:29.280 --> 00:09:33.010
  • Be who God's called you to be and God will fill in the gaps
  • 00:09:33.010 --> 00:09:36.030
  • that you cannot do yourself.
  • 00:09:36.030 --> 00:09:37.260
  • - God is a God of restoration in
  • 00:09:37.260 --> 00:09:39.090
  • that you're never too far gone.
  • 00:09:39.090 --> 00:09:41.000
  • I mean, my own life,
  • 00:09:41.000 --> 00:09:42.070
  • where I experienced an extreme dysfunction.
  • 00:09:42.070 --> 00:09:45.130
  • I just kept holding on.
  • 00:09:46.120 --> 00:09:48.000
  • I kept praying.
  • 00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:49.150
  • I kept believing God, and he truly made all things new.
  • 00:09:49.150 --> 00:09:53.110
  • - We know that iron sharpens iron,
  • 00:09:53.110 --> 00:09:55.030
  • and in our Better Together community,
  • 00:09:55.030 --> 00:09:57.000
  • we are committed to building each other up
  • 00:09:57.000 --> 00:09:59.070
  • and supporting one another.
  • 00:09:59.070 --> 00:10:00.270
  • - So connect with us on social media.
  • 00:10:00.270 --> 00:10:02.230
  • Share your thoughts on today's conversation.
  • 00:10:02.230 --> 00:10:05.000
  • We can't wait for you to join us.
  • 00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:07.030
  • (joyful music)
  • 00:10:07.030 --> 00:10:09.210
  • - I know that in my life, the Enemy would take scripture
  • 00:10:13.090 --> 00:10:18.050
  • and twist it, so it kept me in that relationship.
  • 00:10:18.050 --> 00:10:20.090
  • - He did that to Jesus.
  • 00:10:20.090 --> 00:10:21.190
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:10:21.190 --> 00:10:22.140
  • - Exactly, exactly.
  • 00:10:22.140 --> 00:10:24.100
  • But he did.
  • 00:10:24.100 --> 00:10:25.170
  • I remember being in that relationship.
  • 00:10:25.170 --> 00:10:27.230
  • I knew I wasn't supposed to be in it.
  • 00:10:27.230 --> 00:10:30.120
  • Extremely unhealthy, but I remember over and over again,
  • 00:10:30.120 --> 00:10:33.100
  • "No, love is patient.
  • 00:10:33.100 --> 00:10:35.120
  • "Love is kind.
  • 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:37.010
  • "Love doesn't keep a record of wrongdoing.
  • 00:10:37.010 --> 00:10:38.270
  • "So, yeah, he can cheat on you over and over again.
  • 00:10:38.270 --> 00:10:41.010
  • "And you're still gonna be there
  • 00:10:41.010 --> 00:10:42.080
  • "'cause you're gonna show him Jesus."
  • 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:44.020
  • That kept me in this really, really bad,
  • 00:10:44.020 --> 00:10:46.150
  • dysfunctional relationship that would
  • 00:10:46.150 --> 00:10:48.200
  • ultimately lead me to death, honestly.
  • 00:10:48.200 --> 00:10:52.090
  • So I think that's one thing that you have to decipher,
  • 00:10:52.090 --> 00:10:54.260
  • that even the Enemy will take scripture and twist it.
  • 00:10:54.260 --> 00:10:57.160
  • But it's like, how do you know the voice of God?
  • 00:10:57.160 --> 00:10:59.100
  • How do you know when it's the Enemy?
  • 00:10:59.100 --> 00:11:00.200
  • That's what some people have asked.
  • 00:11:00.200 --> 00:11:01.180
  • How do you know the difference?
  • 00:11:01.180 --> 00:11:03.060
  • But I think when it comes to literally risking your life,
  • 00:11:03.060 --> 00:11:05.270
  • you know-- - [CeCe] You know.
  • 00:11:05.270 --> 00:11:06.250
  • - Deep down inside, you know.
  • 00:11:06.250 --> 00:11:08.040
  • There was always that Spirit deep in me
  • 00:11:08.040 --> 00:11:10.110
  • that was telling me.
  • 00:11:10.110 --> 00:11:11.190
  • - Something was not right.
  • 00:11:11.190 --> 00:11:12.140
  • - Something's not right.
  • 00:11:12.140 --> 00:11:13.290
  • - You know, and Taylor, something that I had to do
  • 00:11:13.290 --> 00:11:16.050
  • for myself was when you have been raised
  • 00:11:16.050 --> 00:11:18.230
  • in a dysfunctional family, you kinda go
  • 00:11:18.230 --> 00:11:21.220
  • to an abusive relationship to get affirmation.
  • 00:11:21.220 --> 00:11:24.130
  • That's what I did.
  • 00:11:24.130 --> 00:11:25.150
  • And God said to me,
  • 00:11:25.150 --> 00:11:26.240
  • "You're going to men who are like your father.
  • 00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:29.130
  • "You're going to men who are hard to please
  • 00:11:29.130 --> 00:11:33.020
  • "and hard to keep.
  • 00:11:33.020 --> 00:11:34.110
  • "And you're going for that."
  • 00:11:34.110 --> 00:11:37.030
  • He had to say me, "Is this what you would want
  • 00:11:37.030 --> 00:11:40.100
  • "for your daughter?"
  • 00:11:40.100 --> 00:11:41.260
  • Because I didn't have healthy for me, but I would think
  • 00:11:41.260 --> 00:11:45.010
  • if I had a daughter, I wouldn't want her treated like that.
  • 00:11:45.010 --> 00:11:48.250
  • I wouldn't want her cheated on.
  • 00:11:48.250 --> 00:11:50.030
  • I wouldn't tell her, "Yeah, you just stay.
  • 00:11:50.030 --> 00:11:51.210
  • "You just be patient with that."
  • 00:11:51.210 --> 00:11:52.290
  • I'd be like, "You beat him up.
  • 00:11:52.290 --> 00:11:54.050
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:11:54.050 --> 00:11:55.000
  • "You get out of there."
  • 00:11:55.000 --> 00:11:55.250
  • So I thought, no.
  • 00:11:55.250 --> 00:11:57.050
  • God said, "'Cause you are my daughter.
  • 00:11:57.050 --> 00:11:59.020
  • "So the things that you would do for your child,
  • 00:11:59.020 --> 00:12:01.250
  • "I want you to see that I would want that for you.
  • 00:12:01.250 --> 00:12:03.260
  • - [CeCe] That's good.
  • 00:12:03.260 --> 00:12:05.090
  • - "I would want to insulate and keep you healthy."
  • 00:12:05.090 --> 00:12:07.060
  • 'Cause I had to kinda come out of myself
  • 00:12:07.060 --> 00:12:09.080
  • to see what that would look like.
  • 00:12:09.080 --> 00:12:11.160
  • - It's interesting, you know, I haven't been
  • 00:12:11.160 --> 00:12:12.290
  • in a crisis, in a relationship like that,
  • 00:12:12.290 --> 00:12:14.270
  • but I do know the turmoil of a husband and wife
  • 00:12:14.270 --> 00:12:17.120
  • and what happens, and learning, like, how do I navigate
  • 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:20.190
  • all of this, and one thing I remember thinking is,
  • 00:12:20.190 --> 00:12:24.200
  • I need a game plan when I'm not in crisis,
  • 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:27.070
  • for when I'm not freaking out
  • 00:12:27.070 --> 00:12:29.020
  • because when I'm freaking out,
  • 00:12:29.020 --> 00:12:30.050
  • I say things I don't wanna say.
  • 00:12:30.050 --> 00:12:31.290
  • I'm making ultimatums.
  • 00:12:31.290 --> 00:12:33.120
  • I'm broadcasting.
  • 00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:34.180
  • I'm yelling in front of the kids.
  • 00:12:34.180 --> 00:12:36.080
  • So some of my game plans were, okay,
  • 00:12:36.080 --> 00:12:38.020
  • these are the top three people I'll call
  • 00:12:38.020 --> 00:12:40.060
  • if I'm in trouble, and I got his approval,
  • 00:12:40.060 --> 00:12:43.040
  • like, if I tell them your secrets, are you gonna,
  • 00:12:43.040 --> 00:12:46.020
  • this is okay, right?
  • 00:12:46.020 --> 00:12:47.150
  • 'Cause it can't just be, like, you don't tell anybody,
  • 00:12:47.150 --> 00:12:49.010
  • we're just gonna do it together.
  • 00:12:49.010 --> 00:12:50.150
  • But I needed some people,
  • 00:12:50.150 --> 00:12:51.240
  • so are these the three people you agree upon?
  • 00:12:51.240 --> 00:12:53.220
  • And number three, I'm not gonna ask permission
  • 00:12:53.220 --> 00:12:55.130
  • if I call them because I'm gonna be mad at you
  • 00:12:55.130 --> 00:12:57.050
  • so this is not like a conference call.
  • 00:12:57.050 --> 00:12:58.160
  • (women laugh) - Good deal.
  • 00:12:58.160 --> 00:12:59.250
  • - Like, I'm calling them and I'm gonna tell them.
  • 00:12:59.250 --> 00:13:01.260
  • Also, if we're in crisis, we're allowed
  • 00:13:01.260 --> 00:13:04.070
  • to go see these people.
  • 00:13:04.070 --> 00:13:06.050
  • We're gonna go run to their house and meet with them.
  • 00:13:06.050 --> 00:13:08.110
  • And I needed some ways out because
  • 00:13:08.110 --> 00:13:10.020
  • when you're a caged animal, you will do anything to get out.
  • 00:13:10.020 --> 00:13:13.200
  • I realized that I needed space.
  • 00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:16.140
  • I needed a time out, and I didn't wanna feel
  • 00:13:16.140 --> 00:13:18.170
  • like I was running from the conflict.
  • 00:13:18.170 --> 00:13:20.060
  • I needed space to think about it.
  • 00:13:20.060 --> 00:13:22.070
  • So we just allowed ourselves to have a time out,
  • 00:13:22.070 --> 00:13:25.000
  • and we said, okay, we're allowed to have time out
  • 00:13:25.000 --> 00:13:27.200
  • in our relationship, but you have to have a comeback time,
  • 00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:30.270
  • and that time has to be declared.
  • 00:13:30.270 --> 00:13:33.020
  • Like, we're gonna come back tomorrow morning at 10:00 a.m.
  • 00:13:33.020 --> 00:13:35.100
  • and talk about this, or we're gonna talk
  • 00:13:35.100 --> 00:13:36.200
  • about this in two hours.
  • 00:13:36.200 --> 00:13:38.030
  • You can't just say, "I don't wanna talk about it,"
  • 00:13:38.030 --> 00:13:39.100
  • and walk out of the room.
  • 00:13:39.100 --> 00:13:40.250
  • Once you have that time set, then you know, okay,
  • 00:13:40.250 --> 00:13:43.020
  • I can come back.
  • 00:13:43.020 --> 00:13:44.010
  • So I did that.
  • 00:13:44.010 --> 00:13:45.070
  • And then another thing, like, Ben and I got
  • 00:13:45.070 --> 00:13:46.220
  • in this really bad habit of yelling at each other
  • 00:13:46.220 --> 00:13:49.000
  • in the middle of it, like, chaotic.
  • 00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:50.150
  • I remember telling him, we have this thing, like,
  • 00:13:50.150 --> 00:13:54.170
  • "This is turning disrespectful."
  • 00:13:54.170 --> 00:13:56.030
  • Not, "You are disrespectful.
  • 00:13:56.030 --> 00:13:57.080
  • "What's wrong with you?
  • 00:13:57.080 --> 00:13:58.030
  • "Stop it right now."
  • 00:13:58.030 --> 00:13:59.020
  • This is turning respectful.
  • 00:13:59.020 --> 00:14:00.280
  • "I'm gonna go in the other room,
  • 00:14:00.280 --> 00:14:02.120
  • "and when we are respectful again, we'll talk."
  • 00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:06.010
  • Actually, backing that up, not saying, well, you know,
  • 00:14:06.010 --> 00:14:08.220
  • of course, whoever you're talking to,
  • 00:14:08.220 --> 00:14:09.290
  • if you do that to me, I'd be like,
  • 00:14:09.290 --> 00:14:11.000
  • "Well, you're just leaving.
  • 00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:12.210
  • "Of course you're gonna run out on me.
  • 00:14:12.210 --> 00:14:14.040
  • "Of course you don't wanna face it."
  • 00:14:14.040 --> 00:14:16.000
  • But instead of going, "Hey, this is turning disrespectful."
  • 00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:18.170
  • And so what you do is you start to rework the pattern
  • 00:14:18.170 --> 00:14:21.200
  • of what you got into, which is the 10 o'clock running
  • 00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:24.040
  • down the hall after each other
  • 00:14:24.040 --> 00:14:26.000
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:27.080
  • to like, "No, we're not gonna do this,"
  • 00:14:27.080 --> 00:14:28.060
  • and then, "I'll be in here.
  • 00:14:28.060 --> 00:14:29.170
  • "When you wanna be respectful, I'll be right here."
  • 00:14:29.170 --> 00:14:31.120
  • And then using phrases like, "I don't know,"
  • 00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:33.290
  • or "that could be," or "maybe so," or, you know,
  • 00:14:33.290 --> 00:14:37.010
  • and things that like really defuse it
  • 00:14:37.010 --> 00:14:39.060
  • but keeping that power in their court and in your court.
  • 00:14:39.060 --> 00:14:41.290
  • So, for us, I just find that having a game plan,
  • 00:14:41.290 --> 00:14:45.040
  • knowing how to deal,
  • 00:14:45.040 --> 00:14:46.190
  • and knowing what my go-tos are, which in a crisis,
  • 00:14:46.190 --> 00:14:49.140
  • are not always the best.
  • 00:14:49.140 --> 00:14:50.220
  • I don't show up as the best of me.
  • 00:14:50.220 --> 00:14:52.070
  • I show up as the worst of me, and then realize, like,
  • 00:14:52.070 --> 00:14:54.180
  • okay, being willing to walk out.
  • 00:14:54.180 --> 00:14:57.130
  • Being willing to say, 'cause this is what we hear
  • 00:14:57.130 --> 00:14:59.060
  • all the time, it's like, what am I gonna do?
  • 00:14:59.060 --> 00:15:01.000
  • I live with the person that's crazy.
  • 00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:02.290
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:15:02.290 --> 00:15:03.240
  • I don't know what to do.
  • 00:15:03.240 --> 00:15:04.190
  • I'm married to them.
  • 00:15:04.190 --> 00:15:05.140
  • We have babies together.
  • 00:15:05.140 --> 00:15:06.090
  • What do I do?
  • 00:15:06.090 --> 00:15:07.170
  • I do believe that you can be restored
  • 00:15:07.170 --> 00:15:10.030
  • in the middle of a marriage.
  • 00:15:10.030 --> 00:15:11.240
  • I think sometimes we all think,
  • 00:15:11.240 --> 00:15:12.290
  • "I need to leave to do this."
  • 00:15:12.290 --> 00:15:15.010
  • But you actually can begin to rework and retrain things
  • 00:15:15.010 --> 00:15:17.230
  • that were chaotic and not healthy.
  • 00:15:17.230 --> 00:15:20.180
  • There are things that I did early on that I'm like,
  • 00:15:20.180 --> 00:15:22.200
  • oh, Lord, I never wanna see a video of that again.
  • 00:15:22.200 --> 00:15:24.210
  • - [CeCe] But I love that having a plan before.
  • 00:15:24.210 --> 00:15:26.090
  • - Having a plan.
  • 00:15:26.090 --> 00:15:27.070
  • - [CeCe] I think that's awesome.
  • 00:15:27.070 --> 00:15:28.190
  • - 'Cause you keep control, maintain control.
  • 00:15:28.190 --> 00:15:30.110
  • - [Havilah] You do.
  • 00:15:30.110 --> 00:15:31.050
  • - Versus lose control.
  • 00:15:31.050 --> 00:15:32.030
  • That's what I tend to do a lot.
  • 00:15:32.030 --> 00:15:33.100
  • It's like, lose control, but it's the game pl--
  • 00:15:33.100 --> 00:15:34.110
  • - [Havilah] Antsier?
  • 00:15:34.110 --> 00:15:35.190
  • - Yes, 'cause all of that, oh, yeah.
  • 00:15:35.190 --> 00:15:37.030
  • - And I remember Ruth Grandma always said, someone said,
  • 00:15:37.030 --> 00:15:38.240
  • "Do you believe in divorce?"
  • 00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:39.280
  • And she said, "No."
  • 00:15:39.280 --> 00:15:40.230
  • She goes, "Murder? Yes."
  • 00:15:40.230 --> 00:15:41.210
  • - [Laurie] Murder, maybe?
  • 00:15:41.210 --> 00:15:42.130
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:15:42.130 --> 00:15:43.270
  • - [CeCe] But not divorce. - But divorce, never.
  • 00:15:43.270 --> 00:15:45.030
  • But, yeah, I always tell my husband,
  • 00:15:45.030 --> 00:15:46.030
  • "I might kill you.
  • 00:15:46.030 --> 00:15:47.010
  • I'm not gonna divorce you.
  • 00:15:47.010 --> 00:15:48.070
  • But I might kill you, so be careful."
  • 00:15:48.070 --> 00:15:48.270
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:15:48.270 --> 00:15:50.110
  • - For me, growing up, the way we handled things
  • 00:15:50.110 --> 00:15:52.150
  • in my household was we fought.
  • 00:15:52.150 --> 00:15:54.120
  • We literally, physically fought.
  • 00:15:54.120 --> 00:15:56.020
  • We literally screamed at the top of our lungs.
  • 00:15:56.020 --> 00:15:59.150
  • We threw things across the room. (laughs)
  • 00:15:59.150 --> 00:16:01.230
  • That shaped the way I thought you should handle an argument.
  • 00:16:01.230 --> 00:16:06.230
  • To be honest, going into marriage,
  • 00:16:07.260 --> 00:16:10.020
  • it was a quick wake-up call.
  • 00:16:10.020 --> 00:16:11.290
  • Oh, wow, I can't scream at the top of my lungs
  • 00:16:11.290 --> 00:16:14.110
  • at my husband?
  • 00:16:14.110 --> 00:16:15.090
  • That's not the healthy way.
  • 00:16:15.090 --> 00:16:16.100
  • I had to change it.
  • 00:16:21.140 --> 00:16:22.130
  • I had to fix it really quick.
  • 00:16:22.130 --> 00:16:23.270
  • My counselor's actually helped take me through that,
  • 00:16:23.270 --> 00:16:26.060
  • but I think the biggest thing was one time,
  • 00:16:26.060 --> 00:16:29.090
  • whenever I was screaming at my husband
  • 00:16:29.090 --> 00:16:31.160
  • in front of my children, I remember looking
  • 00:16:31.160 --> 00:16:34.120
  • over and seeing tears in their eyes,
  • 00:16:34.120 --> 00:16:36.100
  • and them not understanding, wow,
  • 00:16:36.100 --> 00:16:39.160
  • "Mommy, why are you yelling at daddy?"
  • 00:16:39.160 --> 00:16:42.110
  • And it hit me like a ton of bricks
  • 00:16:42.110 --> 00:16:44.030
  • because my momma heart wants to protect my children always.
  • 00:16:44.030 --> 00:16:47.030
  • I realized, firsthand seeing what that did to my children,
  • 00:16:47.030 --> 00:16:50.130
  • and so I made a decision right then and there.
  • 00:16:50.130 --> 00:16:52.180
  • I can continue this and carry this on into our family,
  • 00:16:52.180 --> 00:16:57.000
  • or I can stop it right now.
  • 00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:58.140
  • And so I really I just pray about it.
  • 00:16:58.140 --> 00:17:00.080
  • I pray.
  • 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:01.020
  • It's one of my prayers.
  • 00:17:01.020 --> 00:17:02.070
  • "God, help me control my tongue."
  • 00:17:02.070 --> 00:17:03.050
  • Because it's what I learned.
  • 00:17:03.050 --> 00:17:04.150
  • It's what I was taught.
  • 00:17:04.150 --> 00:17:05.200
  • It's not easy but it's something that I have
  • 00:17:07.100 --> 00:17:09.100
  • to lay down to the Lord on a daily basis.
  • 00:17:09.100 --> 00:17:12.030
  • What does it do?
  • 00:17:13.270 --> 00:17:15.120
  • What is that gonna do if I continue to yell and scream?
  • 00:17:15.120 --> 00:17:17.220
  • It causes nothing but more chaos
  • 00:17:17.220 --> 00:17:19.270
  • and more pain and more hurt.
  • 00:17:19.270 --> 00:17:21.290
  • Definitely, that was a lesson learned.
  • 00:17:21.290 --> 00:17:23.130
  • I hated that I had to learn it in front of my kids.
  • 00:17:23.130 --> 00:17:27.230
  • But it definitely changed everything.
  • 00:17:27.230 --> 00:17:30.060
  • - Nobody is exempt from family drama.
  • 00:17:30.060 --> 00:17:34.120
  • So we all experience it.
  • 00:17:34.120 --> 00:17:36.010
  • So we can expect it.
  • 00:17:36.010 --> 00:17:37.190
  • But also there's always an answer for it.
  • 00:17:37.190 --> 00:17:40.020
  • There's always a solution
  • 00:17:40.020 --> 00:17:43.030
  • for whatever you're going through.
  • 00:17:43.030 --> 00:17:45.090
  • Nothing is a hopeless situation.
  • 00:17:45.090 --> 00:17:47.210
  • - You can stream Better Together episodes on-the-go.
  • 00:17:47.210 --> 00:17:50.160
  • - [Lisa] Download the TBN app
  • 00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:52.020
  • to watch our latest conversations.
  • 00:17:52.020 --> 00:17:54.070
  • (upbeat, soft music)
  • 00:17:54.070 --> 00:17:57.010
  • - What I wanna do is show my voice,
  • 00:17:59.010 --> 00:18:01.090
  • that they don't have to run away when chaotic.
  • 00:18:01.090 --> 00:18:03.240
  • And they don't need to see mom and dad scream and yell
  • 00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:06.020
  • and leave, but they can actually see a powerful woman
  • 00:18:06.020 --> 00:18:09.220
  • and a powerful man say, "This is disrespectful.
  • 00:18:10.280 --> 00:18:13.270
  • "I'll be in the other room."
  • 00:18:13.270 --> 00:18:15.090
  • And then watch us work it out
  • 00:18:15.090 --> 00:18:16.230
  • because they're gonna be married one day.
  • 00:18:16.230 --> 00:18:18.000
  • - [CeCe] See real life.
  • 00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:19.070
  • - They need to see that it's possible.
  • 00:18:19.070 --> 00:18:21.020
  • - Modeling a healthy conflict is,
  • 00:18:21.020 --> 00:18:24.100
  • always having respect for each other,
  • 00:18:24.100 --> 00:18:26.170
  • always treating each other the way Christ would,
  • 00:18:26.170 --> 00:18:31.170
  • humbling ourselves.
  • 00:18:35.130 --> 00:18:37.000
  • Never arguing in front of the children.
  • 00:18:38.030 --> 00:18:40.020
  • I think that's a big one.
  • 00:18:41.100 --> 00:18:42.220
  • Just having honor for each other and love for one another.
  • 00:18:44.030 --> 00:18:47.270
  • We're not all gonna agree on everything.
  • 00:18:47.270 --> 00:18:50.040
  • As much as I wish Christian families were all perfect,
  • 00:18:52.030 --> 00:18:55.190
  • not all, not all.
  • 00:18:57.060 --> 00:18:58.230
  • We fail at that.
  • 00:19:01.060 --> 00:19:02.280
  • But we do what we can do, and we treat each other properly
  • 00:19:02.280 --> 00:19:07.030
  • and we love each other no matter what.
  • 00:19:07.030 --> 00:19:09.230
  • I think most of the time I'm very introspective.
  • 00:19:09.230 --> 00:19:13.080
  • So, normally I go to, okay, what's wrong with me, first,
  • 00:19:13.080 --> 00:19:16.140
  • which is kind of a blessing in most, not every case
  • 00:19:16.140 --> 00:19:19.040
  • (women laugh)
  • 00:19:19.040 --> 00:19:20.170
  • and I think a lot of cases before the Lord is a good thing.
  • 00:19:20.170 --> 00:19:23.290
  • Right, okay, okay, what do I need to change?
  • 00:19:23.290 --> 00:19:27.130
  • What do I need to do right now?
  • 00:19:27.130 --> 00:19:29.030
  • I think going back to then the forgiveness
  • 00:19:29.030 --> 00:19:32.120
  • and the peacemakers and reconciliation,
  • 00:19:32.120 --> 00:19:35.180
  • what's your final thoughts on that?
  • 00:19:35.180 --> 00:19:37.210
  • - Well, I do think that when a person has that,
  • 00:19:37.210 --> 00:19:41.130
  • sometimes you just need space.
  • 00:19:41.130 --> 00:19:43.050
  • Just need the space to where--
  • 00:19:43.050 --> 00:19:44.000
  • - [Laurie] (mumbles)
  • 00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:44.270
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:19:44.270 --> 00:19:46.130
  • So whether it's a husband and wife or a brother and sister,
  • 00:19:46.130 --> 00:19:48.150
  • brother and brother, whatever, I think sometimes
  • 00:19:48.150 --> 00:19:50.050
  • there's space where people aren't trying to ramp it up,
  • 00:19:50.050 --> 00:19:53.030
  • "I'm right, I'm right,"
  • 00:19:53.030 --> 00:19:54.110
  • you know, that kind of thing.
  • 00:19:54.110 --> 00:19:55.160
  • And the Holy Spirit can deal--
  • 00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:56.290
  • - Holy Spirit.
  • 00:19:56.290 --> 00:19:58.060
  • - With both of those people separately.
  • 00:19:58.060 --> 00:19:59.120
  • - There you go.
  • 00:19:59.120 --> 00:20:00.180
  • But in the interim, we sow kindness.
  • 00:20:00.180 --> 00:20:03.010
  • We're not cold.
  • 00:20:03.010 --> 00:20:04.000
  • We're not harsh.
  • 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:05.030
  • - Yeah, I love that.
  • 00:20:05.030 --> 00:20:06.180
  • - 'Cause the kindness of God is not an endorsement.
  • 00:20:06.180 --> 00:20:08.110
  • Kindness is what led us to repentance.
  • 00:20:08.110 --> 00:20:10.170
  • God was kind to me when I was awful.
  • 00:20:10.170 --> 00:20:14.040
  • But his kindness created an atmosphere for reconciliation.
  • 00:20:14.040 --> 00:20:19.040
  • - I don't care who you are, where you come from,
  • 00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:21.200
  • how nice you are.
  • 00:20:23.000 --> 00:20:24.070
  • You're gonna deal with conflict, okay?
  • 00:20:24.070 --> 00:20:27.010
  • Since we all know we're gonna deal with conflict,
  • 00:20:27.010 --> 00:20:29.290
  • probably numerous times in our lives,
  • 00:20:29.290 --> 00:20:32.240
  • we have to learn how to have healthy conflict resolutions.
  • 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:37.130
  • You just cannot avoid it.
  • 00:20:40.070 --> 00:20:41.180
  • You can't avoid it.
  • 00:20:41.180 --> 00:20:43.040
  • And the Word of God tells us, if someone offends you,
  • 00:20:43.040 --> 00:20:46.280
  • to go to that person.
  • 00:20:46.280 --> 00:20:48.270
  • So many people say, "Well, I don't wanna bother them.
  • 00:20:48.270 --> 00:20:51.010
  • "I don't wanna bother them."
  • 00:20:51.010 --> 00:20:52.090
  • And they think that it's gonna get better.
  • 00:20:52.090 --> 00:20:54.030
  • But it's not gonna get better until you confront it, okay?
  • 00:20:54.030 --> 00:20:57.130
  • So first, I would say to pray.
  • 00:20:57.130 --> 00:20:59.270
  • But then you have to communicate.
  • 00:20:59.270 --> 00:21:01.150
  • You have to talk to one another.
  • 00:21:01.150 --> 00:21:03.050
  • That's not always easy, but trust me,
  • 00:21:04.100 --> 00:21:06.090
  • the more you do it, the easier it will become.
  • 00:21:06.090 --> 00:21:11.060
  • - If we're gonna go for the health of that relationship,
  • 00:21:11.060 --> 00:21:14.220
  • we have to come with kindness.
  • 00:21:14.220 --> 00:21:16.010
  • We have to come with a gift.
  • 00:21:16.010 --> 00:21:17.120
  • We've gotta come creating an atmosphere,
  • 00:21:17.120 --> 00:21:19.080
  • not saying, "You really hurt me when you did this."
  • 00:21:19.080 --> 00:21:21.170
  • We actually have stepped aside and said,
  • 00:21:21.170 --> 00:21:24.020
  • "What did I do?
  • 00:21:24.020 --> 00:21:25.150
  • "What did I do?"
  • 00:21:25.150 --> 00:21:27.120
  • And maybe what you did was only 10% of the problem,
  • 00:21:27.120 --> 00:21:29.230
  • but when I am humble, when I humble myself,
  • 00:21:29.230 --> 00:21:33.060
  • and I go to somebody and I say,
  • 00:21:33.060 --> 00:21:34.210
  • "CeCe, I realize that what I said,
  • 00:21:34.210 --> 00:21:38.000
  • "that could come across this way.
  • 00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:39.110
  • "Will you forgive me?"
  • 00:21:39.110 --> 00:21:40.180
  • And then CeCe has a choice at this point.
  • 00:21:40.180 --> 00:21:43.050
  • She's either gonna be like, "Yeah, I forgive you."
  • 00:21:43.050 --> 00:21:44.260
  • Or she's gonna be like, "You know what?
  • 00:21:44.260 --> 00:21:47.180
  • "I also probably said something that."
  • 00:21:47.180 --> 00:21:49.230
  • Then we have this opportunity to have a conversation
  • 00:21:49.230 --> 00:21:53.000
  • where we both see each other hearts better
  • 00:21:53.000 --> 00:21:55.130
  • and there's not that confusion in the future
  • 00:21:55.130 --> 00:21:58.040
  • about our relationship.
  • 00:21:58.040 --> 00:21:59.150
  • We want to be like God.
  • 00:21:59.150 --> 00:22:01.100
  • - Forgiveness brings healing.
  • 00:22:01.100 --> 00:22:04.060
  • Healing brings restoration.
  • 00:22:04.060 --> 00:22:07.060
  • He is the God of restoration.
  • 00:22:07.060 --> 00:22:09.070
  • He will restore your family.
  • 00:22:09.070 --> 00:22:11.050
  • He will restore your relationships.
  • 00:22:11.050 --> 00:22:14.150
  • Not back to where they were, but back to better
  • 00:22:14.150 --> 00:22:17.210
  • than what they've ever been.
  • 00:22:17.210 --> 00:22:19.180
  • So let's pray.
  • 00:22:19.180 --> 00:22:20.220
  • God, I thank you
  • 00:22:20.220 --> 00:22:22.130
  • for the power of reconciliation.
  • 00:22:22.130 --> 00:22:24.270
  • I thank you for the power of your love.
  • 00:22:24.270 --> 00:22:27.000
  • Lord, you gave your only begotten Son,
  • 00:22:27.000 --> 00:22:29.150
  • that whosoever would believe in you would not perish
  • 00:22:29.150 --> 00:22:32.000
  • but have everlasting life.
  • 00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:34.140
  • And if you gave us your Son, Lord, there is nothing
  • 00:22:34.140 --> 00:22:37.070
  • that you won't do for us.
  • 00:22:37.070 --> 00:22:39.180
  • We thank you for the power
  • 00:22:39.180 --> 00:22:41.190
  • of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
  • 00:22:41.190 --> 00:22:43.230
  • We thank you, Father God, that you can resurrect
  • 00:22:43.230 --> 00:22:46.250
  • any dead situation.
  • 00:22:46.250 --> 00:22:48.110
  • You can bring healing and wholeness to every family
  • 00:22:48.110 --> 00:22:52.160
  • and every relationship.
  • 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:54.010
  • So Lord, I speak a blessing over families
  • 00:22:54.010 --> 00:22:57.040
  • and I speak healing over every situation.
  • 00:22:57.040 --> 00:23:00.030
  • I come against separation.
  • 00:23:00.030 --> 00:23:01.270
  • I come against hatred.
  • 00:23:01.270 --> 00:23:03.120
  • I come against brokenness, Father God.
  • 00:23:03.120 --> 00:23:05.250
  • And I thank you for giving them love for one another.
  • 00:23:05.250 --> 00:23:08.250
  • Teach them how to love one another.
  • 00:23:08.250 --> 00:23:11.120
  • I thank you for unity, Father God, over all these families
  • 00:23:11.120 --> 00:23:16.060
  • that hear me today.
  • 00:23:16.060 --> 00:23:17.260
  • In Jesus' name, we pray, amen.
  • 00:23:17.260 --> 00:23:20.250
  • - [Laurie] You can call the number on your screen right now
  • 00:23:20.250 --> 00:23:22.230
  • to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:23:22.230 --> 00:23:24.080
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:23:24.080 --> 00:23:27.230
  • We love you, and most importantly, God loves you.
  • 00:23:27.230 --> 00:23:30.130
  • (excited music)
  • 00:23:30.130 --> 00:23:33.060
  • - So Natalia wants to know how to be a family
  • 00:23:33.060 --> 00:23:36.010
  • when your divorced parents have new families?
  • 00:23:36.010 --> 00:23:38.210
  • That's a rough one
  • 00:23:40.190 --> 00:23:41.250
  • because I come from a divorced family.
  • 00:23:43.000 --> 00:23:45.120
  • When my dad remarried, I had a really, really hard time.
  • 00:23:45.120 --> 00:23:48.170
  • I just think it's important for the parent
  • 00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:53.120
  • to make sure that they're always inclusive of their children
  • 00:23:53.120 --> 00:23:57.160
  • in the new families, and you just make it work somehow,
  • 00:23:57.160 --> 00:24:00.200
  • by the grace of God.
  • 00:24:00.200 --> 00:24:02.080
  • I think for us it was time that helped heal wounds,
  • 00:24:02.080 --> 00:24:06.260
  • and God's faithfulness and his hand.
  • 00:24:06.260 --> 00:24:08.290
  • But it wasn't necessarily ever easy.
  • 00:24:08.290 --> 00:24:11.120
  • It was really challenging, yeah, so.
  • 00:24:11.120 --> 00:24:15.060
  • - Yeah, that's challenging.
  • 00:24:15.060 --> 00:24:16.240
  • I've seen my nieces and nephews go
  • 00:24:16.240 --> 00:24:19.090
  • through some challenging situations because of that.
  • 00:24:19.090 --> 00:24:23.260
  • But through prayer and never giving up, it's amazing
  • 00:24:25.080 --> 00:24:28.050
  • how God will create peace out of chaos, (laughs)
  • 00:24:28.050 --> 00:24:32.090
  • when you are willing and really trying
  • 00:24:32.090 --> 00:24:34.140
  • to do the right thing.
  • 00:24:34.140 --> 00:24:35.170
  • But it's a challenge.
  • 00:24:36.260 --> 00:24:38.070
  • - And having real conversations, like, there were times
  • 00:24:38.070 --> 00:24:40.120
  • where I had sit down my dad and just say,
  • 00:24:40.120 --> 00:24:42.180
  • "This is making me feel this way."
  • 00:24:42.180 --> 00:24:45.110
  • Sometimes, he's a man, he didn't realize, you know?
  • 00:24:46.250 --> 00:24:48.260
  • And I would just say, "I need you in this area
  • 00:24:48.260 --> 00:24:50.150
  • "of my life," and we would readjust.
  • 00:24:50.150 --> 00:24:53.030
  • But it is definitely a tricky situation.
  • 00:24:53.030 --> 00:24:55.190
  • But it's possible, and I'm a testimony of that,
  • 00:24:55.190 --> 00:24:57.290
  • that it's possible.
  • 00:24:57.290 --> 00:24:59.030
  • - Awesome, awesome.
  • 00:24:59.030 --> 00:25:00.200
  • - So you'd say the key is probably communication?
  • 00:25:00.200 --> 00:25:01.120
  • - Communication.
  • 00:25:01.120 --> 00:25:02.180
  • - Communication and hanging on in the midst.
  • 00:25:02.180 --> 00:25:04.290
  • Keep on praying.
  • 00:25:04.290 --> 00:25:05.240
  • Keep on fighting.
  • 00:25:05.240 --> 00:25:07.000
  • - [Laurie] Here's what's coming up next
  • 00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:08.190
  • on Better Together.
  • 00:25:08.190 --> 00:25:10.000
  • I love what Lisa posted the other day.
  • 00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:11.160
  • She said, "If he's not wearing diapers,
  • 00:25:11.160 --> 00:25:13.010
  • "you can't change him." (laughs)
  • 00:25:13.010 --> 00:25:14.060
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:25:14.060 --> 00:25:15.050
  • - [CeCe] I love that.
  • 00:25:15.050 --> 00:25:16.110
  • - It is so hard to change another person,
  • 00:25:16.110 --> 00:25:19.020
  • and it's so much pressure.
  • 00:25:19.020 --> 00:25:20.150
  • - [CeCe] You can't do it. - It's not our job.
  • 00:25:20.150 --> 00:25:21.180
  • - You're not in charge of them.
  • 00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:22.260
  • - [Havilah] You need to communicate, yeah.
  • 00:25:22.260 --> 00:25:24.030
  • - You're not in charge of them.
  • 00:25:24.030 --> 00:25:25.060
  • It's just an exercise in futility.
  • 00:25:25.060 --> 00:25:26.210
  • - [Laurie] Watch Better Together weekdays on TBN.
  • 00:25:26.210 --> 00:25:29.080