Pastor Rick shares biblical truth and practical tools for living the full life God desires for everyone.
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Rick Warren | Rick Warren - Who's Pushing Your Buttons (Part 1) | January 26, 2025
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- Pastor rick warren: you know, one of the amazing things about
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- The crazymakers in your life is how quickly they can flip you
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- From being happy to angry.
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- Have you noticed this?
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- I mean, you could be going through a typical day and you
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- Actually are having a pretty good day.
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- You're in a good mood, the birds are singing, the flowers are
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- Blooming, you feel great, and then this crazymaker walks into
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- Your life, and in about 1.2 seconds, all of a sudden you're
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- Frustrated, mad, and upset.
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- They can flip you so fast, they know how to push your buttons.
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- So if we're gonna deal with healthy relationships, we gotta
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- Learn how to deal with anger, how it shows up, how to deal
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- With it in our own lives, and how to diffuse it in the lives
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- Of others, particularly the crazymakers who push
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- Your buttons.
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- Let me give you some facts about anger that i found out.
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- The average woman loses her temper three times a week, the
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- Average man six times a week.
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- Women get angry more often at people, men get angry more often
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- At things: computers, mechanical problems, things like that.
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- Women are more verbal with their anger, men are more physical
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- With their anger, we know that.
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- This is interesting, single adults express anger twice as
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- Often as married adults, i wouldn't have known that.
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- The place you're most likely to express anger is home.
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- Yeah right, because we get angry more often and more intensely at
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- Those we love than strangers.
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- That's obvious, the people who make you the most angry are
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- Those you love the most because they have the greatest potential
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- To hurt you, or to offend you, or to irritate you, or to
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- Frustrate you.
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- Dr. s.i. mcmillen has identified 51 illnesses that can be
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- Directly attributed or caused by anger, 51 illnesses.
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- In fact, proctologists now know that anger can literally create
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- A pain in the rear.
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- Now you've heard me say many times, "to dwell above with
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- Those we love, that will be a glory, but to dwell below with
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- Those we know, that's another story."
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- Because we all have crazymakers in our life.
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- Now, i want you to know that anger is not always an
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- Inappropriate response, it's not always wrong.
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- Uncontrolled anger is always wrong, but anger is not
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- Always wrong.
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- In fact, there are many situations where anger is the
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- Only appropriate response.
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- Actually, anger can be an evidence of love.
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- Somebody tries to hurt my kids or grandkids or my wife, i'm
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- Gonna get angry.
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- That's an appropriate response.
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- If i don't get angry, it means i don't love, i'm apathetic.
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- And there are some things that you ought to get angry about.
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- I get angry about injustice in the world, i get angry about
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- Greed in the world, i get angry about racism in the world, and
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- You ought to too.
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- I get angry when people go to bed at night hungry while others
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- Have more than they could possibly--they feed their dog
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- Better than people are being fed today.
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- When people are raped, when people are abused, that ought to
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- Make you angry.
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- Anger is an evidence of love.
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- In fact, the only reason you are able to get angry is because you
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- Were made in god's image, and the bible says, "god
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- Gets angry."
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- God has emotions too, you know.
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- That's why you're an emotional person.
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- In fact, 375 times in the bible, it says, "god got angry" or
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- "jesus got angry," "the holy spirit got angry."
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- There are some things that are definitely wrong and you ought
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- To be angry about them.
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- There's a righteous anger, there's an unrighteous.
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- There's a right way and a wrong way.
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- There's an appropriate way, there's an inappropriate way.
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- In ephesians 4:26, in the bible, it says, "when you get angry, do
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- Not sin."
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- Which obviously implies there's a way to get angry and not sin,
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- That not all anger is sin.
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- Selfish anger is sinful, self-centered anger is sinful,
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- Uncontrolled anger is sinful.
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- But the bible says anger is sometimes an
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- Appropriate response.
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- Sometimes it's helpful, but most of the time in our lives
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- It's harmful.
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- Let me show you a few verses out of the book of proverbs.
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- Proverbs 25:28 says this.
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- "if you cannot control your anger
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- You are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack."
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- You are defenseless, people will manipulate your life.
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- Do you realize that when you say, "you make me so mad," you
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- Are admitting, at that point, those people are controlling
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- Your life.
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- You are admitting that they are stronger than you, that you
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- Are weak.
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- When you say, "you make me," in other words, "you have an
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- Ability to control my emotions."
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- That's what you're admitting.
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- You are defenseless, "you are without a wall, open to attack."
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- Proverbs 12, verse 16 says this.
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- "a fool is quick-tempered," that
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- Anytime i got--i'm a hair trigger temper, i'm a fool, i'm
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- Foolish, "but a wise person stays calm when insulted."
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- It's wise to just let it roll off your back.
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- "a wise person stays calm when insulted."
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- Proverbs 16:32, "it's better to be patient than powerful; it's
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- Better to have self-control than to conquer a city."
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- In other words, it's more important to be in control of
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- Your own emotions than to be the president of the united states
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- Or an outstanding entrepreneur.
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- Now, the fact is, anger is a learned response, you learned it
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- From other people.
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- Maybe bad examples, but you learned it from others.
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- You learned it from television, you learned it from movies, you
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- Learned it from your parents, from other people in your life.
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- And the good news is that, since it's learned, it can be
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- Unlearned, and you can learn appropriate ways to deal with
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- Your anger.
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- Now, what i want us to do this week--and it's two things.
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- First, i want you to understand the different ways that anger
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- Shows up, because it's not all just volcano mount vesuvius.
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- There are lots of different ways that anger shows up.
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- Not all of you are exploders, but you still have
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- Anger problems.
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- So there's different ways.
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- We're gonna look at that, and i want you to be able to identify
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- Them and what the bible says about it.
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- And then i want to share with you some biblical principles on
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- How you diffuse the angry crazymakers in your life and how
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- You disarm them.
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- Now the bible identifies four different ways that we express
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- Anger, and i want you to be aware of these so i've given
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- Them some kind of modern day names.
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- I want you to write these down if you're taking notes.
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- The first category of the way people express anger is what i
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- Call "the machine guns."
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- And "the machine guns" are people who--they just let you
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- Have it.
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- You know, they just mow you down.
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- There's no doubt that they're mad.
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- They're very expressive, they cuss, they yell, they throw
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- Things, they hit, they let it fly.
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- These people are the exploders, the mount vesuvius.
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- They're like the walking time bomb, and when you pull the
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- Hairpin trigger on the grenade, it goes off.
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- This is very obvious, this kind is the most obvious.
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- It just kind of, "blaah," explodes all over you.
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- Some of you are old enough to remember ohio state football
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- Coach woody hayes.
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- He had the machine gun type of anger.
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- In fact, he had a great career as a football coach, but he had
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- A known temper problem.
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- And one day in the gator bowl when a clemson opponent caught a
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- Interception, he got so mad he walked out onto the field and
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- Slugged the kid and immediately resigned.
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- It ended his career right there, one moment of anger ended
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- His career.
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- Now, these kind of people are in the paper all the time.
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- They are the machine guns, they just let 'er rip, they let
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- It fly.
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- Now, in the bible, an example of this first kind of anger, the
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- Exploder, would be cain.
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- Cain and abel were the sons of adam and eve, and cain committed
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- The first murder out of anger in genesis 4, verses 5 and 8.
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- It says this.
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- "cain became furious and he scowled in anger.
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- And while they were in the field, cain attacked his
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- Brother abel, and killed him."
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- Circle the word "attacked."
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- This is the response of the first form of anger.
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- It's the attacker, the machine guns.
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- Now this response is so obvious, the people who have this type of
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- Anger immediately regret it.
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- They regret the things they've said, they regret the things
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- They've done, and they're often embarrassed, ashamed, they
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- Want to apologize.
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- But that's not the only kind of anger.
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- The second kind of anger, besides the machine gun, is what
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- I call "the mutes."
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- Now, the mutes are the exact opposite.
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- They don't blow up, they clam up.
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- And mutes don't get violent, they get silent.
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- And they hold it in, and they live in denial, and they
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- Masquerade, and they pretend, and they always refuse to admit
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- It when they're angry.
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- "i can see you're angry, honey."
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- "no, i'm not." "yes, you are."
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- "no, i'm not." "you're angry."
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- "i am not angry." "yeah, you are."
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- It's real obvious, you're angry, but you're holding it in.
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- You're holding--now, this is not the exploding kind of anger.
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- This is what i call "crockpot anger."
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- It stews and it simmers and it's a slow burn, okay?
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- They don't just kind of spiritually vomit over you, but
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- They burn and it's a slow burn.
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- And the mutes swallow their anger.
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- Now here's the problem, every time you swallow your anger,
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- Your stomach keeps score.
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- If you don't talk it out, you're gonna take it out on your body.
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- And so people who are the mutes, who hold in all of their anger,
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- They get the high blood pressure, they get the chronic
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- Pain, they get the tension headaches, they get the ulcers,
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- And all these other anger-related effects to
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- Our body.
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- Good example of a mute would be the prophet jeremiah in
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- The bible.
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- The bible calls him "the weeping prophet" because he cried a lot.
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- He held in his anger, he was so ticked off at what was happening
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- In society around him, but he didn't explode.
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- He wasn't a machine gun, but he was one of these guys who held
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- It in.
- 00:11:04.947 --> 00:11:06.315
- In jeremiah 15 it says this.
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- "i stayed by myself," that's typical of a mute, "i stayed by
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- Myself and was filled with anger."
- 00:11:13.456 --> 00:11:16.959
- In other words, i'm just being silent, i'm holding it all in.
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- And then he asked, "why do i keep on suffering?
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- Why are my wounds incurable?"
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- I've got these terminal problems.
- 00:11:26.569 --> 00:11:28.871
- "why won't they heal?"
- 00:11:28.871 --> 00:11:30.239
- 'cause you're holding it in.
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- Are you holding on to unexpressed anger?
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- When people say "that burns me up," well, literally, it does.
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- Holding onto anger in your body--your body wasn't meant to
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- Hold onto anger.
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- And it's like taking fire, it's like swallowing poison.
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- ♪♪♪
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- 00:12:52.955 --> 00:13:01.730
- Pastor rick: now the third kind of anger response, and many of
- 00:13:01.730 --> 00:13:04.733
- You are this, is "the martyrs."
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- And the martyrs are pros at holding pity parties, and they
- 00:13:08.137 --> 00:13:12.908
- Announce a pity party and invite themselves to it.
- 00:13:12.908 --> 00:13:17.513
- And martyrs are always passive, and they tend to punish
- 00:13:17.513 --> 00:13:21.083
- Themselves, and when a crazymaker comes into their
- 00:13:21.083 --> 00:13:24.286
- Life, they don't think, "my mom's crazy," they think,
- 00:13:24.286 --> 00:13:27.289
- "what's wrong with me?
- 00:13:27.289 --> 00:13:29.859
- What's wrong with me? what did i do wrong?
- 00:13:29.859 --> 00:13:33.229
- It must all be my fault."
- 00:13:33.229 --> 00:13:36.131
- And if you walk around saying, "i should, i must, i have to, i
- 00:13:36.131 --> 00:13:39.635
- Ought," and you're always shooting yourself, then you're
- 00:13:39.635 --> 00:13:44.640
- Gonna be a martyr because you're going to blame yourself.
- 00:13:44.640 --> 00:13:47.943
- Maybe you just got a crazy coworker, and it's not really
- 00:13:47.943 --> 00:13:52.081
- You, it's just they're crazy, or a crazy relative, and they're a
- 00:13:52.081 --> 00:13:57.286
- Crazymaker, but you blame yourself.
- 00:13:57.286 --> 00:13:58.954
- You are the martyr.
- 00:13:58.954 --> 00:14:00.756
- Now, the number one sign that you have the martyr approach to
- 00:14:00.756 --> 00:14:04.760
- Anger is depression.
- 00:14:04.760 --> 00:14:08.931
- Depression is caused by many different things, but one of the
- 00:14:08.931 --> 00:14:12.334
- Primary causes of depression is frozen anger.
- 00:14:12.334 --> 00:14:18.040
- When you hold onto anger and you let it freeze in your life, and
- 00:14:18.040 --> 00:14:22.211
- You make yourself a martyr, you're going to get depressed.
- 00:14:22.211 --> 00:14:26.348
- I know this from personal experience.
- 00:14:26.348 --> 00:14:30.019
- Many of you don't know that when i was 21 years old, i was
- 00:14:30.019 --> 00:14:33.956
- Hospitalized for depression.
- 00:14:33.956 --> 00:14:38.394
- And i had no idea why i was depressed, i had only been
- 00:14:38.394 --> 00:14:41.263
- Married about four or five months, and i remember laying
- 00:14:41.263 --> 00:14:46.535
- In the hospital and they sent a psychiatrist in to see me and
- 00:14:46.535 --> 00:14:49.571
- I'm thinking, "i don't need a psychiatrist, i'm a
- 00:14:49.571 --> 00:14:51.407
- Youth pastor."
- 00:14:51.407 --> 00:14:53.075
- The psychiatrist looks at me and he says, "so what are you
- 00:14:53.075 --> 00:14:56.011
- Angry about?"
- 00:14:56.011 --> 00:14:57.813
- I said, "i'm not angry."
- 00:14:57.813 --> 00:14:59.181
- He said, "yeah, you are."
- 00:14:59.181 --> 00:15:00.516
- I said, "no, no, i'm depressed."
- 00:15:00.516 --> 00:15:01.884
- He said, "depression is frozen anger.
- 00:15:01.884 --> 00:15:04.987
- What are you angry about?"
- 00:15:04.987 --> 00:15:07.056
- What i was angry about was our marriage, because kay and i
- 00:15:07.056 --> 00:15:11.126
- Started fighting from day one.
- 00:15:11.126 --> 00:15:13.495
- We started fighting on the honeymoon, we just did not
- 00:15:13.495 --> 00:15:15.931
- Get along.
- 00:15:15.931 --> 00:15:17.266
- Now, we've been married 38 years, 36 happy years.
- 00:15:17.266 --> 00:15:25.274
- But the first two were hell on earth, okay, and we did not
- 00:15:25.274 --> 00:15:29.378
- Get along.
- 00:15:29.378 --> 00:15:30.746
- And within about six months, we were both so disappointed in
- 00:15:30.746 --> 00:15:33.716
- Our marriage, kay thought she was having a nervous breakdown,
- 00:15:33.716 --> 00:15:36.552
- And i ended up in the hospital with depression.
- 00:15:36.552 --> 00:15:40.756
- And i didn't know how to let it out and i just thought, as a
- 00:15:40.756 --> 00:15:43.258
- Pastor, i can't express--a youth pastor, how angry i am at
- 00:15:43.258 --> 00:15:47.229
- My new bride.
- 00:15:47.229 --> 00:15:48.931
- And i was just swallowing it and i was being the martyr.
- 00:15:48.931 --> 00:15:53.202
- Now that's maybe what's eating you up, but the martyrs do this.
- 00:15:53.202 --> 00:15:57.006
- Now a good example of the martyr in the bible would be
- 00:15:57.006 --> 00:16:00.209
- The older brother in the story of the prodigal son.
- 00:16:00.209 --> 00:16:04.346
- Remember, this man has two sons and one of them says, "dad, i
- 00:16:04.346 --> 00:16:08.584
- Want my half of the inheritance," and he goes off
- 00:16:08.584 --> 00:16:10.652
- And he wastes it on wine, women, and song, blows it all, wastes
- 00:16:10.652 --> 00:16:14.323
- Half the family inheritance, comes back home a total mess,
- 00:16:14.323 --> 00:16:18.560
- And the dad throws a party for him.
- 00:16:18.560 --> 00:16:21.430
- And unconditional love welcomes him back, and the older brother
- 00:16:21.430 --> 00:16:24.800
- Gets ticked off, he says, "wait a minute, i'm the
- 00:16:24.800 --> 00:16:26.201
- Good boy.
- 00:16:26.201 --> 00:16:27.536
- I have--you've never thrown a party for me.
- 00:16:27.536 --> 00:16:29.471
- And i've been here all along, and i didn't go off and blow
- 00:16:29.471 --> 00:16:31.707
- Half the family inheritance."
- 00:16:31.707 --> 00:16:33.042
- And he gets mad and he becomes a martyr and in luke 15:28, "the
- 00:16:33.042 --> 00:16:38.113
- Elder brother was so angry he would not go in (to the party).
- 00:16:38.113 --> 00:16:44.720
- So his father went out and pleaded with him."
- 00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:49.158
- You got anybody like this in your family?
- 00:16:49.158 --> 00:16:51.927
- They have to be coaxed, they have to be pleaded with, they
- 00:16:51.927 --> 00:16:54.830
- Have to be pampered, they make everybody else miserable.
- 00:16:54.830 --> 00:16:59.001
- If they're not happy, they don't want anybody else happy, they
- 00:16:59.001 --> 00:17:01.236
- Ruin all the family parties.
- 00:17:01.236 --> 00:17:03.672
- They're martyrs, they're martyrs.
- 00:17:03.672 --> 00:17:06.108
- And that's just as wrong as the machine gun person.
- 00:17:06.108 --> 00:17:10.679
- Now the fourth kind of anger is what i call "the
- 00:17:10.679 --> 00:17:13.649
- Manipulators," the manipulators.
- 00:17:13.649 --> 00:17:16.985
- And the motto of the manipulators is, "don't get mad,
- 00:17:16.985 --> 00:17:20.089
- Get even."
- 00:17:20.089 --> 00:17:21.757
- And a lot of movies and a lot of tv shows are built on this
- 00:17:21.757 --> 00:17:25.260
- Category of anger.
- 00:17:25.260 --> 00:17:27.062
- Now manipulators will never tell you to your face they're angry
- 00:17:27.062 --> 00:17:31.133
- With you, but they're gonna do it subtly, they're gonna do it
- 00:17:31.133 --> 00:17:35.104
- Slyly, they're gonna do it sarcastically, they're indirect
- 00:17:35.104 --> 00:17:38.373
- With jibes and cuts.
- 00:17:38.373 --> 00:17:40.843
- And they do things to sabotage you, and they do things to make
- 00:17:40.843 --> 00:17:44.780
- You look bad, but you never can catch them on it.
- 00:17:44.780 --> 00:17:48.617
- And they never will flat out own up to the fact that they're
- 00:17:48.617 --> 00:17:51.620
- Seething with anger.
- 00:17:51.620 --> 00:17:53.355
- And when they do say something to you that's hurtful or
- 00:17:53.355 --> 00:17:56.258
- Something, and mean, and you actually call them on it, they
- 00:17:56.258 --> 00:17:58.861
- Say, "can't you take a joke?"
- 00:17:58.861 --> 00:18:01.964
- They're not joking, they're a crazymaker, that's a crazymaker.
- 00:18:01.964 --> 00:18:07.269
- It is a manipulator that says, "can't you take a joke?"
- 00:18:07.269 --> 00:18:10.439
- Now religious people can be really good at this one because
- 00:18:10.439 --> 00:18:15.177
- They couch all of their anger in spiritual terms.
- 00:18:15.177 --> 00:18:18.113
- "i was grieved in my spirit."
- 00:18:18.113 --> 00:18:20.616
- What's that mean?
- 00:18:20.616 --> 00:18:21.950
- It means i was ticked off.
- 00:18:21.950 --> 00:18:23.285
- Just say it, i was ticked off.
- 00:18:23.285 --> 00:18:25.120
- And i don't wanna--now, in the south, in the bible belt, you
- 00:18:25.120 --> 00:18:28.957
- Can do almost any mean thing to another person as long as you
- 00:18:28.957 --> 00:18:31.927
- Say, "well, bless your heart."
- 00:18:31.927 --> 00:18:33.328
- That covers them.
- 00:18:36.298 --> 00:18:37.666
- What does, "well, bless your heart" mean?
- 00:18:37.666 --> 00:18:39.401
- Nothing, it means nothing.
- 00:18:39.401 --> 00:18:41.870
- And so they can stab you in the back and say, "well, bless
- 00:18:41.870 --> 00:18:44.640
- Your heart."
- 00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:45.974
- They're manipulators.
- 00:18:45.974 --> 00:18:47.609
- Now, an example of this in the bible would be the pharisees,
- 00:18:47.609 --> 00:18:50.846
- The religious leaders.
- 00:18:50.846 --> 00:18:52.181
- Luke 6, verse 10, they were so ticked off at jesus, 'cause
- 00:18:52.181 --> 00:18:55.918
- Jesus was popular and they weren't.
- 00:18:55.918 --> 00:18:58.353
- And it says in verse 11, "they were furious and began to plot,"
- 00:18:58.353 --> 00:19:03.892
- Circle that, they're manipulators, "they began to
- 00:19:03.892 --> 00:19:06.161
- Plot," they're gonna get even, "began to plot with each other
- 00:19:06.161 --> 00:19:09.565
- What they might do to jesus."
- 00:19:09.565 --> 00:19:12.067
- Now, all four of these ways, whether you are a machine gun or
- 00:19:12.067 --> 00:19:16.572
- You're a martyr or you're a manipulator or you're a mute,
- 00:19:16.572 --> 00:19:20.209
- You learned how to get angry that way.
- 00:19:20.209 --> 00:19:23.545
- And it's not very helpful, none of those ways are actually
- 00:19:23.545 --> 00:19:26.281
- Helpful at all, and you can unlearn them.
- 00:19:26.281 --> 00:19:29.685
- Now, what i wanna do today is spend most of our time on "how
- 00:19:29.685 --> 00:19:33.288
- Do you disarm the person who uses these against you?"
- 00:19:33.288 --> 00:19:38.060
- How do you deal with the crazymakers who push
- 00:19:38.060 --> 00:19:40.963
- Your buttons?
- 00:19:40.963 --> 00:19:42.598
- How do you deal with your own anger and not get angry back,
- 00:19:42.598 --> 00:19:46.001
- And how do you deal with their anger at you when they won't
- 00:19:46.001 --> 00:19:48.837
- Come out and admit that they're angry?
- 00:19:48.837 --> 00:19:51.440
- What do you do in disarming button pushers?
- 00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:54.376
- Well, the bible teaches us four or five really good practical
- 00:19:54.376 --> 00:19:57.813
- Things, and they're all in the book of proverbs.
- 00:19:57.813 --> 00:19:59.948
- Here they are, number one, the first thing the book of
- 00:19:59.948 --> 00:20:01.984
- Proverbs teaches us, and it says it over and over and over again
- 00:20:01.984 --> 00:20:04.853
- Is this, "calculate the cost of anger."
- 00:20:04.853 --> 00:20:11.126
- Before you allow yourself to get mad back, you calculate what
- 00:20:11.126 --> 00:20:15.197
- You're gonna lose, calculate the cost of anger.
- 00:20:15.197 --> 00:20:18.433
- You're less likely to get angry when somebody's pushing your
- 00:20:18.433 --> 00:20:21.803
- Buttons if you realize there's always a price tag to me getting
- 00:20:21.803 --> 00:20:25.841
- Angry back.
- 00:20:25.841 --> 00:20:27.542
- The bible is very, very specific about uncontrolled anger.
- 00:20:27.542 --> 00:20:30.946
- Let me show you some verses out of proverbs.
- 00:20:30.946 --> 00:20:33.448
- Proverbs 29:22, "an angry person causes trouble," circle that,
- 00:20:33.448 --> 00:20:39.054
- "causes trouble."
- 00:20:39.054 --> 00:20:40.422
- "and a person with a quick temper sins a lot," circle that.
- 00:20:40.422 --> 00:20:45.027
- You're gonna get in trouble more often and you're gonna sin more
- 00:20:45.027 --> 00:20:47.863
- Often if you get angry, so don't do it.
- 00:20:47.863 --> 00:20:51.033
- On the back of your outline, proverbs 15:18, "hot tempers
- 00:20:51.033 --> 00:20:55.437
- Cause," what?
- 00:20:55.437 --> 00:20:57.105
- "arguments."
- 00:20:57.105 --> 00:20:58.473
- Circle that, you don't want to get in arguments.
- 00:20:58.473 --> 00:20:59.875
- And when you get angry, what is--first, one way, pushing
- 00:20:59.875 --> 00:21:04.680
- Buttons is gonna become an argument.
- 00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:06.815
- Proverbs 14:29, "anger causes mistakes."
- 00:21:06.815 --> 00:21:10.385
- Circle that.
- 00:21:10.385 --> 00:21:12.154
- Proverbs 14:27, "people with hot tempers do foolish things."
- 00:21:12.154 --> 00:21:16.625
- Circle that.
- 00:21:16.625 --> 00:21:17.959
- So, if i get angry, here's the cost.
- 00:21:17.959 --> 00:21:19.995
- I'm gonna get in trouble, i'm gonna sin, i'm gonna cause
- 00:21:19.995 --> 00:21:23.532
- Arguments, i'm gonna make mistakes, and i'm gonna do
- 00:21:23.532 --> 00:21:25.500
- Foolish things.
- 00:21:25.500 --> 00:21:26.868
- Do i want to get angry when you're pushing my buttons?
- 00:21:26.868 --> 00:21:28.770
- Absolutely not, it's foolish.
- 00:21:28.770 --> 00:21:32.607
- I want you to write this down.
- 00:21:32.607 --> 00:21:34.643
- "i always lose when i lose my temper."
- 00:21:34.643 --> 00:21:38.246
- Write that down, i always lose when i lose my temper.
- 00:21:38.246 --> 00:21:44.252
- Now you can lose your respect, you can lose the respect of
- 00:21:44.252 --> 00:21:48.023
- Others, you can lose the love of your family, you could lose your
- 00:21:48.023 --> 00:21:51.893
- Job by losing your temper, you can lose your health by stuffing
- 00:21:51.893 --> 00:21:55.597
- It down.
- 00:21:55.597 --> 00:21:57.532
- Now, you may be a parent, or you may be a coach of a little
- 00:21:57.532 --> 00:22:01.536
- League team, or you may be a supervisor at work, or you may
- 00:22:01.536 --> 00:22:06.274
- Have some way that you will be tempted to use anger to motivate
- 00:22:06.274 --> 00:22:10.912
- People to do the right thing.
- 00:22:10.912 --> 00:22:13.548
- Don't, don't, don't do it.
- 00:22:13.548 --> 00:22:17.052
- Because in the short run, you may motivate people, "if you
- 00:22:17.052 --> 00:22:20.589
- Don't do this, i'm going to--" and you make a threat.
- 00:22:20.589 --> 00:22:23.892
- And in the short run, you may get, you know, the short-term
- 00:22:23.892 --> 00:22:27.229
- Payoff, but in the long run, anger always produces more
- 00:22:27.229 --> 00:22:31.133
- Anger, more apathy, and more alienation.
- 00:22:31.133 --> 00:22:35.170
- How many kids have become alienated from their dads or
- 00:22:35.170 --> 00:22:39.608
- Their moms because of anger out of control?
- 00:22:39.608 --> 00:22:44.012
- How many people have been alienated from a boyfriend, a
- 00:22:44.012 --> 00:22:47.382
- Girlfriend, a husband, a wife, or a friend, because somebody
- 00:22:47.382 --> 00:22:50.519
- Lost their cool?
- 00:22:50.519 --> 00:22:53.121
- Anger destroys relationships faster than anything else.
- 00:22:53.121 --> 00:22:58.960
- So, before--when somebody starts pushing your buttons,
- 00:22:58.960 --> 00:23:01.763
- And they're pushing your buttons, and they're pushing
- 00:23:01.763 --> 00:23:03.899
- Your buttons, before you retaliate, before you get angry
- 00:23:03.899 --> 00:23:08.170
- Back, you just realize, "do i really wanna do this?
- 00:23:08.170 --> 00:23:10.772
- Do i wanna make mistakes? do i wanna sin more?
- 00:23:10.772 --> 00:23:12.707
- Do i wanna act foolish? do i wanna lose?
- 00:23:12.707 --> 00:23:15.310
- Do i wanna cause arguments? do i wanna do foolish things?"
- 00:23:15.310 --> 00:23:18.180
- No, i don't, i don't. proverbs 14:29 says this.
- 00:23:18.180 --> 00:23:24.853
- "those who control their anger have great understanding," you
- 00:23:24.853 --> 00:23:29.524
- Have great understanding, "those with a hasty temper
- 00:23:29.524 --> 00:23:33.094
- Make mistakes."
- 00:23:33.094 --> 00:23:34.763
- So number one is "calculate the cost of anger."
- 00:23:34.763 --> 00:23:37.299
- When somebody starts pushing my buttons, i remind myself, "i do
- 00:23:37.299 --> 00:23:40.168
- Not want to get angry back."
- 00:23:40.168 --> 00:23:41.703
- Number two, "look past their words to their pain."
- 00:23:41.703 --> 00:23:47.342
- Now i mentioned this last week, i know that, and i'm coming back
- 00:23:47.342 --> 00:23:50.145
- Intentionally to mention it again, 'cause it's one of
- 00:23:50.145 --> 00:23:52.581
- The keys.
- 00:23:52.581 --> 00:23:53.915
- By the way, if you missed last week's message on the six ways
- 00:23:53.915 --> 00:23:56.818
- To be wise in relationships, you need to go and get that
- 00:23:56.818 --> 00:23:59.154
- Message and listen to it.
- 00:23:59.154 --> 00:24:00.489
- But you look past their words to their pain.
- 00:24:00.489 --> 00:24:04.392
- You don't respond to what they're saying, you look at why
- 00:24:04.392 --> 00:24:07.662
- They're saying what they're saying.
- 00:24:07.662 --> 00:24:09.397
- Proverbs 19, verse 11, "a man's wisdom gives him patience; it
- 00:24:09.397 --> 00:24:16.438
- Is to his glory," to his credit, "to overlook an offense."
- 00:24:16.438 --> 00:24:22.544
- See, you're wise if you don't listen to the words but you look
- 00:24:22.544 --> 00:24:25.914
- At the pain behind the words.
- 00:24:25.914 --> 00:24:27.749
- A man's wisdom gives us patience.
- 00:24:27.749 --> 00:24:30.285
- And i said this many times, "hurt people hurt people."
- 00:24:30.285 --> 00:24:35.657
- When somebody's hurting you, it's because they've been hurt
- 00:24:35.657 --> 00:24:38.693
- And they are still hurting.
- 00:24:38.693 --> 00:24:41.496
- Unkind people are people who've never felt kindness.
- 00:24:41.496 --> 00:24:46.301
- Unloving people are people who feel unloved.
- 00:24:46.301 --> 00:24:50.739
- When somebody is rude, bitter, unkind, sarcastic,
- 00:24:50.739 --> 00:24:56.811
- Mean-spirited, arrogant, attacking, they are shouting
- 00:24:56.811 --> 00:25:01.917
- With all of their behaviors, "i need massive doses of love.
- 00:25:01.917 --> 00:25:07.455
- I do not feel loved, i do not feel secure."
- 00:25:07.455 --> 00:25:12.294
- Because secure, loved, people don't act that way.
- 00:25:12.294 --> 00:25:16.298
- They're not rude, they're not judgmental, they're not unkind,
- 00:25:16.298 --> 00:25:20.835
- They're not attacking.
- 00:25:20.835 --> 00:25:22.203
- The person who feels deeply loved and deeply secure is
- 00:25:22.203 --> 00:25:26.508
- Generous and gracious to other people.
- 00:25:26.508 --> 00:25:28.944
- When somebody is mean and cranky, they are telegraphing in
- 00:25:28.944 --> 00:25:34.115
- As loud terms as possible, "i am in pain!"
- 00:25:34.115 --> 00:25:40.488
- And what they need is not what they deserve.
- 00:25:40.488 --> 00:25:45.293
- Now, you have to decide, "am i gonna overcome evil with good or
- 00:25:45.293 --> 00:25:49.698
- Am i gonna just retaliate on their level?"
- 00:25:49.698 --> 00:25:52.200
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