Red Flags in Relationships Part 1 | TBN

Red Flags in Relationships Part 1

Watch Red Flags in Relationships Part 1
June 4, 2019
27:32

Victory with Paul Daugherty

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Red Flags in Relationships Part 1

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  • - And so, what this series is about
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  • is just to open our eyes up to say
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  • there are some serious red flags out there in relationships
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  • that we need to pay attention to,
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  • and we need to be awakened to,
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  • so that we can make the right decisions
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  • in our relationships.
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  • How many of y'all think God's way for relationships
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  • is better than the world's way for relationships, right?
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  • Hi, I'm Paul, almost 10 years ago
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  • my dad, my hero, my pastor, passed away unexpectedly.
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  • He built a big church and left some pretty large shoes
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  • to fill.
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  • When he died, I didn't just lose my dad,
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  • I lost my faith, I lost my purpose, and my future.
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  • But God showed up and restored my faith,
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  • and he gave me a message of hope to share with you.
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  • You're here on purpose.
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  • God's not finished with you yet.
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  • Your best days are right in front of you
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  • and you have victory in your life
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  • because Jesus lives in you.
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  • A red flag is a signal of danger, right?
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  • A red flag is a warning sign, a heads up,
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  • of potential disaster.
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  • A sign that there's a problem that needs to be addressed.
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  • In auto racing, like NASCAR, when a red flag is waved
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  • it's a sign that there's dangerous conditions on the track,
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  • dangerous conditions with the weather.
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  • It's not a sign to keep going, it's a sign to stop the race.
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  • If you go to the ocean to go swimming out on a beach,
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  • if there's a red flag out on the beach,
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  • that's a sign that there's undercurrents you can't see,
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  • that it's not a safe time to go swimming in the ocean.
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  • There may be sharks right there in the water,
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  • they'll put up the red flag.
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  • When there's a double red flag on a beach
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  • that means they are shutting the beach down for that time.
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  • Not that you can you never swim on that beach,
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  • but for that moment right now,
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  • it is way too dangerous to be in the water.
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  • And in the same way, God gives us red flags, warnings,
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  • when it comes to the relationships that we have.
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  • If you have a Bible, I want you to go to
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  • Proverbs 27:12, you can make some noise.
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  • (scattered cheers) Come on!
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  • Proverbs 27:12, here we go.
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  • The prudents, your version might say the wise man,
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  • the wise woman, those who are wise, they see danger,
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  • in other words, they see the red flags,
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  • and they take refuge, but the simple,
  • 00:02:16.020 --> 00:02:19.090
  • and one version says the foolish man, the foolish girl,
  • 00:02:19.090 --> 00:02:22.150
  • the ignorant guy keeps going and pays the penalty.
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  • Now, I'm thankful for the grace of God.
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  • The grace of God covers a lot of mistakes in our life.
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  • However, there are consequences when we refuse
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  • to heed the warning signals that pop up in our life.
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  • It says the prudent man sees the danger, the prudent girl,
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  • the wise girl, she sees the red flags
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  • and she takes refuge in that relationship.
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  • In other words, she slows things down, she says,
  • 00:02:48.060 --> 00:02:50.100
  • hey, listen, this seems a little off.
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  • Like, you keep talking about wanting to kill your parents,
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  • this seems like a red flag.
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  • I don't know if we should keep going in this relationship,
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  • you keep talking about some crazy stuff, embezzlement,
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  • this feels like a red flag.
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  • But the simple girl, the simple guy is like, no big deal!
  • 00:03:04.160 --> 00:03:07.130
  • He's really hot, she's really hot,
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  • I just wanna move forward in the relationship.
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  • So we need to lean in to these red flags.
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  • We need to pay attention, we need to wake up
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  • to see what's going on around us.
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  • I grew up in a home with two older sisters, and my mom,
  • 00:03:19.140 --> 00:03:22.080
  • and we would have movie night every week,
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  • and we would take turns, who got to rent the movie,
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  • and often times, my older sisters,
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  • they would rent chick-flicks, right?
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  • They'd rent these romantic old movies
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  • about a guy and a girl and some other guy
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  • that's the wrong guy,
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  • and then there's one guy that's the right guy,
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  • or two girls and one girl's the wrong girl
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  • and one girl's the right girl for this guy.
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  • And I remember watching these movies
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  • and my mom, she would talk to the characters in the movie.
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  • We would watch Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail,
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  • we would watch Ever After and Cinderella Story,
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  • all these chick-flick movies,
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  • and so, my mom, she would stand up,
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  • she'd be like, "He's the wrong guy, he is the wrong guy,
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  • "don't you go out with that guy, that guy has issues!
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  • "He's crazy, she better not!"
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  • Or if it was the girl she'd be like,
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  • "That girl is a bad girl, she's so mean.
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  • "Do you see how she's treating over people.
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  • "Guys, we need to pray, right now,
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  • "that he does not go out with that girl!"
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  • I'm like, "Mom, it's a movie, we can't change the script.
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  • "They can't even hear you, sit down!"
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  • She'd start pacing in the living room, you know,
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  • just talking to the movie,
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  • and it's so easy for us to spot red flags in the movies,
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  • it's so easy for us to spot red flags in other people,
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  • and it is so hard, at times, to spot red flags in ourself
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  • and our relationship and our behavior,
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  • and our mindset and attitudes.
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  • Deception right now is at an all-time high in our society.
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  • There's a lot of deceiving going on,
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  • and deceiving is a scary thing, it's a dangerous thing,
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  • because it's deceptive.
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  • You don't really know who someone is.
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  • You don't really know how something is actually going
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  • because in this current society
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  • we put such an emphasis on the external, self-image,
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  • what we see when we're at church, the smile,
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  • the social media, and yet people can be hiding
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  • some very toxic things in their life.
  • 00:05:04.260 --> 00:05:08.030
  • But, you know, I even think about this,
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  • that last week I also came across this article
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  • about a documentary being made, about a guy named Ted Bundy.
  • 00:05:11.200 --> 00:05:15.150
  • Now, I was born in '85 so I didn't really know
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  • who is Ted Bundy, so I start Googling his name
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  • and find out that he potentially killed almost 100 people,
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  • but he was really nice, had a good looking family,
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  • he was a handsome guy, smiled,
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  • would go to church, shake people's hands,
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  • like he was running for the mayor or something,
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  • and he was always being sweet to people,
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  • but secretly he was developing these side relationships
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  • with other girls that ended up missing all the time.
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  • And what was so scary is no one was seeing the red flags
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  • in this guy's life.
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  • No one was paying attention to him.
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  • And so, what this series is about is just
  • 00:05:50.220 --> 00:05:52.130
  • to open our eyes up to say there are some serious red flags
  • 00:05:52.130 --> 00:05:55.240
  • out there in relationships that we need to pay attention to,
  • 00:05:55.240 --> 00:05:59.100
  • and we need to be awakened to,
  • 00:05:59.100 --> 00:06:01.060
  • so that we can make the right decisions
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  • in our relationships.
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  • Now, deception started at the very beginning,
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  • in Genesis 3:1,
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  • the serpent deceived the woman in the garden.
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  • Adam and Eve, the first guy, first girl in the Bible.
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  • The serpent shows up and says did God really say
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  • that you can't eat from this tree?
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  • Now, they had everything they needed,
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  • they had all the food they wanted.
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  • They had a luxurious lifestyle, they didn't have to work,
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  • they were walking around naked, and it was normal back then.
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  • They had a relationship with God, they had each other,
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  • they had everything they needed,
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  • but the serpent came in and said did God really say this?
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  • Are you sure that God said you can't have this?
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  • And what would happen if you did do
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  • what God told you not to do?
  • 00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:46.250
  • And immediately the woman listened to the serpent,
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  • she was deceived and then she tells her husband, Adam,
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  • and he's deceived, and from then on,
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  • all throughout the Bible,
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  • this is a story of so many relationships
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  • that had red flags.
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  • So many moments where people were deceived, good people,
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  • people that loved God, people that wanted
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  • to do something right with their life,
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  • and if it can happen to leaders in the Bible,
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  • it can happen to any of us.
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  • I mean, King Saul was a classic example.
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  • Chosen by God, meant to do something great
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  • for the nation of Israel, but over time,
  • 00:07:17.070 --> 00:07:19.090
  • some little red flags kept popping up
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  • that he never paid attention to.
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  • So this is a sermon for all of us, not just singles,
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  • but married people, divorced, widowed,
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  • whatever season of life you're in, this is a series for you.
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  • John 10:10 says that the thief
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  • comes to steal, kill and destroy.
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  • His purpose is to deceive you, to trick you,
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  • to steal years from your life, to ruin relationships,
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  • to kill marriages, to kill people's destinies,
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  • to steal people's purity, virginity,
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  • and yet Jesus said I've come to give you life
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  • and life to the fullest.
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  • I've come to make your marriages healthy,
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  • I've come to make your relationships satisfying
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  • from a so way type of way.
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  • Not just like what the world says is good,
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  • but God's way of good.
  • 00:08:01.010 --> 00:08:02.210
  • How many of y'all think God's way for relationships
  • 00:08:02.210 --> 00:08:04.150
  • is better than the world's way for relationships, right?
  • 00:08:04.150 --> 00:08:07.290
  • So in order for this message to stick,
  • 00:08:07.290 --> 00:08:10.060
  • in order for us to get as much as we can from this series,
  • 00:08:10.060 --> 00:08:13.010
  • I really think three things need to happen.
  • 00:08:13.010 --> 00:08:15.060
  • Number one, we've got to have ears to hear,
  • 00:08:15.060 --> 00:08:17.250
  • 'cause Jesus said there's people who have ears
  • 00:08:17.250 --> 00:08:19.240
  • but they're missing the message.
  • 00:08:19.240 --> 00:08:21.290
  • Religious people who will sit in services,
  • 00:08:21.290 --> 00:08:24.240
  • like it's a check list, I come to church 'cause I have to,
  • 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:28.050
  • and the whole time I'm playing games,
  • 00:08:28.050 --> 00:08:30.130
  • I'm doing my own thing, I'm checking ESPN,
  • 00:08:30.130 --> 00:08:33.100
  • I'm on social media, I'm not really listening to the sermon.
  • 00:08:33.100 --> 00:08:36.120
  • The scary thing is, I'm talking to people right now
  • 00:08:36.120 --> 00:08:39.000
  • that are missing this right now.
  • 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:40.260
  • But if you're going to get anything from this pulpit,
  • 00:08:40.260 --> 00:08:43.070
  • whether it's me up here, T.D. Jakes, Steven Furtick,
  • 00:08:43.070 --> 00:08:46.040
  • Larry Stockstill, Billy Wilson, whoever's up here,
  • 00:08:46.040 --> 00:08:48.190
  • you're going to have to have ears to hear.
  • 00:08:48.190 --> 00:08:50.110
  • In other words, you're gonna have to be inclined
  • 00:08:50.110 --> 00:08:52.090
  • to want to know what is God speaking to you today?
  • 00:08:52.090 --> 00:08:56.160
  • Or else you're gonna miss the message.
  • 00:08:56.160 --> 00:08:58.110
  • And if you're listening to hear what's wrong
  • 00:08:58.110 --> 00:09:00.150
  • with somebody else, you're gonna miss the message.
  • 00:09:00.150 --> 00:09:03.180
  • I'm not just listening for a witch hunt,
  • 00:09:03.180 --> 00:09:06.110
  • to find out what's wrong with everybody else,
  • 00:09:06.110 --> 00:09:08.180
  • I'm listening to find out what is God wanting me to grow in?
  • 00:09:08.180 --> 00:09:12.210
  • Ears to hear, secondly, we need eyes to see.
  • 00:09:12.210 --> 00:09:15.140
  • There's a lot of people that are walking around like this,
  • 00:09:15.140 --> 00:09:18.110
  • like, you know, every day is the Bird Box day,
  • 00:09:18.110 --> 00:09:21.170
  • and just like I don't want to see anything.
  • 00:09:21.170 --> 00:09:25.130
  • I don't even wanna know what's wrong with me
  • 00:09:25.130 --> 00:09:27.030
  • or what's wrong with him,
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  • I just wanna go blindly into these relationships,
  • 00:09:28.180 --> 00:09:30.080
  • blind dates, blind marriages, blind relationships,
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  • I don't even wanna face the truth.
  • 00:09:32.220 --> 00:09:34.050
  • I'd rather not see it.
  • 00:09:34.050 --> 00:09:36.030
  • I'd rather not address the red flags,
  • 00:09:36.030 --> 00:09:38.140
  • but we are in a time where we can't afford
  • 00:09:38.140 --> 00:09:41.150
  • to have our eyes covered.
  • 00:09:41.150 --> 00:09:42.220
  • We've got to wake up and see what's happening
  • 00:09:42.220 --> 00:09:45.090
  • so we can address the mess and move forward
  • 00:09:45.090 --> 00:09:47.280
  • from the situation that is very toxic, very dangerous.
  • 00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:51.240
  • Everybody say take off the blindfold.
  • 00:09:51.240 --> 00:09:53.180
  • - [Crowd] Take off the blindfold.
  • 00:09:53.180 --> 00:09:54.260
  • - We need eyes to see and thirdly,
  • 00:09:54.260 --> 00:09:56.160
  • we need a heart to receive.
  • 00:09:56.160 --> 00:09:57.270
  • We need a heart to receive.
  • 00:09:57.270 --> 00:09:59.190
  • I need to have my heart in a place that's moldable,
  • 00:09:59.190 --> 00:10:01.270
  • flexible, pliable.
  • 00:10:01.270 --> 00:10:03.220
  • In other words, if my heart is at a rock hard place,
  • 00:10:03.220 --> 00:10:06.130
  • you can't teach me anything, I know more than you, Paul,
  • 00:10:06.130 --> 00:10:09.150
  • I'm never gonna learn anything new,
  • 00:10:09.150 --> 00:10:11.170
  • I already got it all figured out,
  • 00:10:11.170 --> 00:10:13.020
  • my heart's already arrived at the best version it can be.
  • 00:10:13.020 --> 00:10:15.240
  • That's a red flag.
  • 00:10:15.240 --> 00:10:16.280
  • And I'm not even saying it 'cause I'm preaching,
  • 00:10:18.090 --> 00:10:19.190
  • I'm just saying if you're still breathing,
  • 00:10:19.190 --> 00:10:21.180
  • God's not finished with you yet.
  • 00:10:21.180 --> 00:10:23.230
  • And if you'll allow your heart to be moldable,
  • 00:10:23.230 --> 00:10:25.250
  • flexible, pliable, I believe you'll get something
  • 00:10:25.250 --> 00:10:28.090
  • out of this sermon, you'll get something out of this series.
  • 00:10:28.090 --> 00:10:30.230
  • So, I want to give you today 25 red flags,
  • 00:10:30.230 --> 00:10:35.030
  • specifically for singles.
  • 00:10:35.030 --> 00:10:36.190
  • I had 100 red flags this week that I wrote down
  • 00:10:36.190 --> 00:10:39.210
  • and I condensed it down to 25.
  • 00:10:39.210 --> 00:10:41.280
  • This is specifically for singles this week,
  • 00:10:41.280 --> 00:10:44.000
  • but married people, don't check out.
  • 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:45.260
  • Where's the singles at, if you're single raise your hand,
  • 00:10:45.260 --> 00:10:47.170
  • where's the singles at?
  • 00:10:47.170 --> 00:10:49.030
  • Come on, make some noise, look around,
  • 00:10:49.030 --> 00:10:51.170
  • scope out the territory.
  • 00:10:51.170 --> 00:10:53.050
  • All right, where's the married people at?
  • 00:10:54.100 --> 00:10:56.080
  • (cheering)
  • 00:10:56.080 --> 00:10:58.000
  • Yes, I'm actually very pleased to hear such a loud shout
  • 00:10:58.000 --> 00:11:02.090
  • from the married people,
  • 00:11:02.090 --> 00:11:03.160
  • 'cause other services it was like, yeah.
  • 00:11:03.160 --> 00:11:06.110
  • Ha! What?
  • 00:11:06.110 --> 00:11:07.050
  • It's supposed to be a happy thing.
  • 00:11:08.110 --> 00:11:10.090
  • So, we're going to talk today,
  • 00:11:10.090 --> 00:11:12.050
  • whether you're single or married, divorced, widowed,
  • 00:11:12.050 --> 00:11:13.290
  • whatever, this is something that can help all of us,
  • 00:11:13.290 --> 00:11:17.000
  • so I wanna get right into it.
  • 00:11:17.000 --> 00:11:18.160
  • Number one, the first red flag for singles
  • 00:11:18.160 --> 00:11:21.010
  • is they act really embarrassed around you in public.
  • 00:11:21.010 --> 00:11:23.240
  • If you are dating someone that's embarrassed
  • 00:11:23.240 --> 00:11:26.240
  • to be in a relationship with you,
  • 00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:28.100
  • they're like let's just keep it secret.
  • 00:11:28.100 --> 00:11:30.170
  • I'm not gonna post you on any of my pictures
  • 00:11:30.170 --> 00:11:32.140
  • on social media,
  • 00:11:32.140 --> 00:11:33.200
  • let's not tell anyone we're dating,
  • 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:36.110
  • let's keep it our little secret.
  • 00:11:36.110 --> 00:11:38.020
  • That's a red flag.
  • 00:11:38.020 --> 00:11:39.260
  • If they won't tell anyone about you
  • 00:11:39.260 --> 00:11:43.140
  • and you're telling everyone about them
  • 00:11:43.140 --> 00:11:44.210
  • but they're like don't tell anyone else.
  • 00:11:44.210 --> 00:11:46.220
  • That's a red flag.
  • 00:11:46.220 --> 00:11:48.260
  • If they can't admit they're in a relationship with you.
  • 00:11:48.260 --> 00:11:51.040
  • Number two, when they treat you extra sweet
  • 00:11:51.040 --> 00:11:54.010
  • but everyone else totally different.
  • 00:11:54.010 --> 00:11:57.070
  • Now, this happens in relationships.
  • 00:11:57.070 --> 00:11:59.110
  • And we get so focused on how they're treating us
  • 00:11:59.110 --> 00:12:01.290
  • that we're missing what they're doing to everyone else.
  • 00:12:01.290 --> 00:12:05.090
  • Well, Paul, he is so nice to me.
  • 00:12:05.090 --> 00:12:07.190
  • Yeah, he did punch his mom in the face
  • 00:12:07.190 --> 00:12:09.160
  • but he is so sweet to me.
  • 00:12:09.160 --> 00:12:11.290
  • Yeah, he cussed out the waitress,
  • 00:12:11.290 --> 00:12:14.000
  • yeah, I guess he did do some other things to other people.
  • 00:12:14.000 --> 00:12:17.270
  • Listen, he's gonna punch you in six years,
  • 00:12:17.270 --> 00:12:20.010
  • he's just trying to impress you right now,
  • 00:12:20.010 --> 00:12:22.050
  • but I'm telling you watch how he treats
  • 00:12:22.050 --> 00:12:24.080
  • everyone else besides you.
  • 00:12:24.080 --> 00:12:26.000
  • Watch how she treats everyone else besides you.
  • 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:28.100
  • She might be sweet to you but she is somebody else
  • 00:12:28.100 --> 00:12:31.160
  • to everybody else.
  • 00:12:31.160 --> 00:12:33.190
  • And we've got to pay attention to that.
  • 00:12:33.190 --> 00:12:34.250
  • Everybody say, that's a red flag.
  • 00:12:34.250 --> 00:12:37.080
  • If the pride in them, if the ego in them
  • 00:12:37.080 --> 00:12:39.220
  • won't let them say they're sorry,
  • 00:12:39.220 --> 00:12:41.220
  • that's a red flag to pay attention to.
  • 00:12:41.220 --> 00:12:44.110
  • That's like the opposite of humility.
  • 00:12:45.140 --> 00:12:47.070
  • If people can't say I was wrong, I'm sorry I did that,
  • 00:12:47.070 --> 00:12:52.050
  • I'm just saying right now, these are red flags
  • 00:12:52.050 --> 00:12:54.240
  • to have a conversation with this person.
  • 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:57.210
  • - [Narrator] Now you can watch Pastor Paul's message
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  • from anywhere, at victory.com.
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  • 00:13:56.110 --> 00:13:59.270
  • - Number three, when they are emotionally reckless
  • 00:14:01.130 --> 00:14:04.200
  • on a regular basis.
  • 00:14:04.200 --> 00:14:05.290
  • Now, I'm not talking like once a year,
  • 00:14:05.290 --> 00:14:08.060
  • I'm saying like every single week there's an
  • 00:14:08.060 --> 00:14:10.290
  • emotionally reckless breakdown that happens in their life.
  • 00:14:10.290 --> 00:14:15.120
  • Like my dad used to say, watch how she acts
  • 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:18.220
  • when you're playing her in ping-pong.
  • 00:14:18.220 --> 00:14:21.060
  • Watch how she acts when you play board games with her,
  • 00:14:21.060 --> 00:14:23.250
  • Monopoly or Scrabble or whatever games.
  • 00:14:23.250 --> 00:14:26.140
  • Just watch how she acts during church softball league,
  • 00:14:26.140 --> 00:14:29.100
  • basketball games.
  • 00:14:29.100 --> 00:14:30.220
  • Is she going crazy all the time?
  • 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:33.130
  • Is he turning into Bobby Knight,
  • 00:14:33.130 --> 00:14:35.020
  • throwing chairs out on the court,
  • 00:14:35.020 --> 00:14:36.280
  • slamming the basketball down?
  • 00:14:36.280 --> 00:14:38.120
  • Happy Gilmore, throwing his golf clubs down the golf course.
  • 00:14:38.120 --> 00:14:41.270
  • And you're like, it's not a big deal,
  • 00:14:41.270 --> 00:14:43.150
  • he won't do that to me.
  • 00:14:43.150 --> 00:14:45.000
  • I'm telling you, if he punches the wall every single week,
  • 00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:48.010
  • at some point you're going to turn into the wall.
  • 00:14:48.010 --> 00:14:50.230
  • Is he emotionally reckless on a regular basis?
  • 00:14:50.230 --> 00:14:55.000
  • Now, if you are married to this person right now,
  • 00:14:55.000 --> 00:14:57.130
  • you're like, Paul, are you trying
  • 00:14:59.190 --> 00:15:00.210
  • to break us all up right now?
  • 00:15:00.210 --> 00:15:03.030
  • No, I'm trying to give yo warnings, heads up.
  • 00:15:03.030 --> 00:15:05.120
  • I'm just trying to say, listen, this is something
  • 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:07.000
  • that needs to be talked about.
  • 00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:09.060
  • Have a conversation before there's an incarceration.
  • 00:15:09.060 --> 00:15:12.120
  • Come on, I'm gonna rhyme the snap out of this series.
  • 00:15:14.040 --> 00:15:17.150
  • (cheering and applauding)
  • 00:15:17.150 --> 00:15:19.170
  • Have a conversation before there's an incarceration
  • 00:15:19.170 --> 00:15:24.120
  • because, eventually, this guy, this girl,
  • 00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:26.140
  • if she is always blowing up, flying off the handle,
  • 00:15:26.140 --> 00:15:30.250
  • just going wild on a regular basis,
  • 00:15:30.250 --> 00:15:33.230
  • that short fuse is going to, eventually,
  • 00:15:33.230 --> 00:15:36.220
  • get the best of him or her.
  • 00:15:36.220 --> 00:15:39.010
  • I'm not saying that you can never swim in this ocean,
  • 00:15:39.010 --> 00:15:41.190
  • I'm just saying right now there's a red flag on the beach.
  • 00:15:41.190 --> 00:15:43.220
  • There's undercurrents that you don't even know
  • 00:15:43.220 --> 00:15:46.000
  • could pull you out further than you wanna go.
  • 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:48.160
  • So address the mess.
  • 00:15:48.160 --> 00:15:50.170
  • Number four, when they tell you, immediately,
  • 00:15:50.170 --> 00:15:53.160
  • that they love you and want to marry you,
  • 00:15:53.160 --> 00:15:55.230
  • and start acting like you're married after the first date,
  • 00:15:55.230 --> 00:15:59.100
  • that is a red flag.
  • 00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:01.290
  • You're like, Paul, it's so romantic.
  • 00:16:01.290 --> 00:16:03.230
  • They're already calling me Sugar,
  • 00:16:04.280 --> 00:16:06.130
  • Sugar Baby and Honey Bun and oh, Love, don't say that.
  • 00:16:06.130 --> 00:16:10.040
  • Like, you've known them 24 hours,
  • 00:16:10.040 --> 00:16:11.270
  • they cannot say, oh, Love, don't say that after 24 hours.
  • 00:16:11.270 --> 00:16:14.240
  • That takes at least 24 days, I'm just saying,
  • 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:18.080
  • that's my thought right there.
  • 00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:20.000
  • If it's only been one week,
  • 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:21.170
  • slow down on all the marriage talk.
  • 00:16:21.170 --> 00:16:23.190
  • If she's already planning the wedding on Pinterest
  • 00:16:23.190 --> 00:16:25.280
  • after the first date, you just need to say,
  • 00:16:25.280 --> 00:16:28.180
  • hey, chill out, let's take this easy,
  • 00:16:28.180 --> 00:16:30.070
  • let's pace ourselves through this relationship.
  • 00:16:30.070 --> 00:16:33.060
  • Am I being too intense for this church today?
  • 00:16:33.060 --> 00:16:35.150
  • Can I tell it like it is?
  • 00:16:35.150 --> 00:16:37.110
  • I'm moving from a preacher to a teacher this week, so.
  • 00:16:37.110 --> 00:16:40.080
  • All right, number five, if they cut off
  • 00:16:40.080 --> 00:16:42.110
  • all their good, close Godly friends
  • 00:16:42.110 --> 00:16:45.000
  • to only always be with you and expect you to do the same,
  • 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:48.260
  • that's a red flag.
  • 00:16:48.260 --> 00:16:50.030
  • No, Paul, it's just us, we're gonna isolate ourselves,
  • 00:16:51.140 --> 00:16:54.090
  • we're not gonna hang out with any
  • 00:16:54.090 --> 00:16:55.160
  • of our close, Godly friends.
  • 00:16:55.160 --> 00:16:56.250
  • We've stopped going to our Connect Groups,
  • 00:16:56.250 --> 00:16:58.180
  • we've stopped going to church, it's just me and him forever.
  • 00:16:58.180 --> 00:17:01.240
  • That's not healthy.
  • 00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:03.190
  • My wife has Godly friends in her life,
  • 00:17:03.190 --> 00:17:06.140
  • I have Godly friends in my life.
  • 00:17:06.140 --> 00:17:08.010
  • When we started dating we did not tell each other
  • 00:17:08.010 --> 00:17:10.140
  • to cut off all our Godly, close friends.
  • 00:17:10.140 --> 00:17:12.170
  • We needed our Connect Group, we needed our community.
  • 00:17:12.170 --> 00:17:15.140
  • A healthy relationship respects Godly friendships
  • 00:17:15.140 --> 00:17:19.070
  • in the other person's life.
  • 00:17:19.070 --> 00:17:21.080
  • Number six, if they are always blaming others
  • 00:17:21.080 --> 00:17:25.070
  • for their mistakes, that is a red flag.
  • 00:17:25.070 --> 00:17:28.260
  • I remember sitting down with this guy
  • 00:17:28.260 --> 00:17:30.230
  • and he was telling me about all of his past relationships,
  • 00:17:30.230 --> 00:17:33.180
  • and he had been through like eight or nine,
  • 00:17:33.180 --> 00:17:35.120
  • he was telling me about the last marriage
  • 00:17:35.120 --> 00:17:36.190
  • he just divorced from,
  • 00:17:36.190 --> 00:17:38.030
  • and he was like, dude, this girl was so controlling.
  • 00:17:38.030 --> 00:17:40.290
  • Oh, yeah, that girl, her mom was so controlling.
  • 00:17:40.290 --> 00:17:43.210
  • Oh, that girl, her dad was so controlling.
  • 00:17:43.210 --> 00:17:46.140
  • And every relationship was about her this, she this,
  • 00:17:46.140 --> 00:17:50.060
  • she that, and finally,
  • 00:17:50.060 --> 00:17:51.220
  • after hearing about the eighth relationship I said,
  • 00:17:51.220 --> 00:17:54.210
  • bro, did you have anything to do with the reason
  • 00:17:54.210 --> 00:17:58.270
  • that the relationship didn't work out?
  • 00:17:58.270 --> 00:18:00.060
  • No, it was all them, it was all them,
  • 00:18:00.060 --> 00:18:03.040
  • it's always been all them.
  • 00:18:03.040 --> 00:18:05.020
  • That's a red flag, if someone does not own
  • 00:18:05.020 --> 00:18:07.270
  • that they had something to do with the mistake
  • 00:18:07.270 --> 00:18:10.070
  • or the problem, that is a red flag.
  • 00:18:10.070 --> 00:18:12.290
  • Number seven, if they never listen to you.
  • 00:18:12.290 --> 00:18:17.270
  • If they never ask about your heart.
  • 00:18:17.270 --> 00:18:20.230
  • If the conversation is always about them.
  • 00:18:20.230 --> 00:18:23.190
  • If they never listen to your feelings.
  • 00:18:23.190 --> 00:18:25.250
  • Never want to know about the things you like.
  • 00:18:25.250 --> 00:18:28.120
  • That's a red flag.
  • 00:18:28.120 --> 00:18:29.280
  • That is a red flag, that is not a healthy relationship.
  • 00:18:29.280 --> 00:18:32.140
  • Well, he's really, really good looking
  • 00:18:32.140 --> 00:18:34.040
  • and, you know, he likes to talk a lot,
  • 00:18:34.040 --> 00:18:36.050
  • he doesn't ever ask me anything about myself,
  • 00:18:36.050 --> 00:18:38.250
  • he really has a lot to say about himself,
  • 00:18:38.250 --> 00:18:41.020
  • and our conversations are always about him,
  • 00:18:41.020 --> 00:18:42.290
  • but he's really good looking,
  • 00:18:42.290 --> 00:18:44.070
  • and I'm sure after 30 years of marriage,
  • 00:18:44.070 --> 00:18:46.160
  • I'll still enjoy only hearing all about him
  • 00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:49.050
  • and never him asking, no you won't!
  • 00:18:49.050 --> 00:18:51.170
  • If you're dating him right now, have a conversation.
  • 00:18:51.170 --> 00:18:54.090
  • Listen, the relationship is meant to be balanced,
  • 00:18:54.090 --> 00:18:57.080
  • it's not meant to be all about someone else.
  • 00:18:57.080 --> 00:19:00.150
  • All right, I could preach a sermon on each of these points.
  • 00:19:00.150 --> 00:19:04.040
  • Number eight, they worship the narcissistic trinity,
  • 00:19:04.040 --> 00:19:08.090
  • me, myself and I.
  • 00:19:08.090 --> 00:19:10.060
  • (cheering and laughing)
  • 00:19:10.060 --> 00:19:11.280
  • They come to church and they mix up the worship song.
  • 00:19:11.280 --> 00:19:14.170
  • It's all about me, Jesus
  • 00:19:14.170 --> 00:19:18.010
  • All this is for me
  • 00:19:18.010 --> 00:19:20.090
  • Me at the center of it all
  • 00:19:20.090 --> 00:19:23.060
  • Me myself and I are the center of it all
  • 00:19:23.060 --> 00:19:25.180
  • You think this is funny,
  • 00:19:25.180 --> 00:19:27.020
  • there are people that are literally all about themselves
  • 00:19:27.020 --> 00:19:30.240
  • and this is toxic, this is a red flag.
  • 00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:33.040
  • Don't sweep it under the rug,
  • 00:19:33.040 --> 00:19:34.150
  • don't think it's gonna magically disappear
  • 00:19:34.150 --> 00:19:36.050
  • when you get married, address the mess.
  • 00:19:36.050 --> 00:19:38.270
  • You've got to look at these things,
  • 00:19:38.270 --> 00:19:40.100
  • you've got to stop being blind to it.
  • 00:19:40.100 --> 00:19:41.290
  • You've got to stop closing your ears.
  • 00:19:41.290 --> 00:19:43.150
  • You've got to see the red flags
  • 00:19:43.150 --> 00:19:45.060
  • and you've got to do something about it.
  • 00:19:45.060 --> 00:19:46.240
  • Number nine, when they put you,
  • 00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:49.080
  • so now this is the opposite of number eight,
  • 00:19:49.080 --> 00:19:50.290
  • when they put you on a pedestal of perfection.
  • 00:19:50.290 --> 00:19:53.230
  • So now, they're not worshiping themselves,
  • 00:19:53.230 --> 00:19:55.130
  • they're worshiping you.
  • 00:19:55.130 --> 00:19:56.220
  • And they think you are the greatest.
  • 00:19:56.220 --> 00:19:59.220
  • You are perfect in all of your ways.
  • 00:19:59.220 --> 00:20:02.030
  • You're a good good man
  • 00:20:02.030 --> 00:20:04.180
  • You're perfect in all of your ways
  • 00:20:04.180 --> 00:20:06.070
  • No you're not.
  • 00:20:06.070 --> 00:20:08.050
  • Like, wow, Paul, thanks for telling me that.
  • 00:20:08.050 --> 00:20:09.270
  • It's Sunday morning, you're supposed to make me feel good.
  • 00:20:09.270 --> 00:20:12.160
  • Listen dude, you are not an angel.
  • 00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:15.040
  • I'm not saying you're a demon,
  • 00:20:15.040 --> 00:20:16.180
  • I'm just saying you're a dude, and dudes have flaws.
  • 00:20:16.180 --> 00:20:20.220
  • Don't growl at me, listen.
  • 00:20:20.220 --> 00:20:22.120
  • It doesn't help anyone to put someone on a pedestal.
  • 00:20:23.260 --> 00:20:27.100
  • If they're putting you on a pedestal
  • 00:20:27.100 --> 00:20:28.250
  • you need to say hey, listen, do not think I'm perfect.
  • 00:20:28.250 --> 00:20:31.140
  • 'Cause at some point I'm gonna disappoint you
  • 00:20:31.140 --> 00:20:33.070
  • and you'll realize I am not the idol that you should've,
  • 00:20:33.070 --> 00:20:36.030
  • I'm not supposed to be your idol,
  • 00:20:36.030 --> 00:20:37.180
  • I'm not supposed to be your savior, that's Jesus' job,
  • 00:20:37.180 --> 00:20:40.100
  • that's not your boyfriend's job,
  • 00:20:40.100 --> 00:20:41.200
  • that's not your girlfriend's job.
  • 00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:43.060
  • If they have built a shrine on their social media
  • 00:20:43.060 --> 00:20:45.280
  • all about you, if every single picture is of you,
  • 00:20:45.280 --> 00:20:49.110
  • your face this way, your face that way.
  • 00:20:49.110 --> 00:20:51.180
  • You're like, it's so romantic I'm every single picture.
  • 00:20:51.180 --> 00:20:54.110
  • No, that's creepy.
  • 00:20:54.110 --> 00:20:55.260
  • They need to have some more life outside of you.
  • 00:20:55.260 --> 00:20:58.260
  • They need to stop just worshiping you, you, you, you, you.
  • 00:20:58.260 --> 00:21:02.010
  • 'Cause at some point you're gonna disappoint them
  • 00:21:02.010 --> 00:21:04.010
  • and it's going to be a disastrous situation.
  • 00:21:04.010 --> 00:21:07.120
  • Everybody say that's a red fag.
  • 00:21:07.120 --> 00:21:09.210
  • Number 10, they want to meet your parents
  • 00:21:09.210 --> 00:21:12.270
  • and be part of your family ASAP.
  • 00:21:12.270 --> 00:21:15.280
  • I'm talking like after the first date or two.
  • 00:21:15.280 --> 00:21:18.190
  • I had this one girl that I went on a date with in ORU,
  • 00:21:18.190 --> 00:21:21.040
  • not my wife, I'm so glad for my wife,
  • 00:21:21.040 --> 00:21:23.020
  • I married the right girl,
  • 00:21:23.020 --> 00:21:24.160
  • but there was this one girl that I dated at ORU.
  • 00:21:24.160 --> 00:21:26.160
  • I say I dated, I went on one date with her,
  • 00:21:27.220 --> 00:21:30.190
  • and on this very first date she goes,
  • 00:21:30.190 --> 00:21:32.150
  • "When am I gonna get to meet Billy Joe and Sharon Daugherty,
  • 00:21:32.150 --> 00:21:35.130
  • "your parents."
  • 00:21:35.130 --> 00:21:36.270
  • I said "You can meet them at church this Sunday,
  • 00:21:36.270 --> 00:21:39.030
  • "they'll be there, they shake hands in the back."
  • 00:21:39.030 --> 00:21:40.190
  • She goes, "I mean when are you gonna have me over
  • 00:21:40.190 --> 00:21:42.210
  • "to your house for Sunday lunch?"
  • 00:21:42.210 --> 00:21:45.160
  • And I said, "Well I think we need to go on a few more dates.
  • 00:21:45.160 --> 00:21:48.060
  • "That's, in my opinion, that's an intimate thing."
  • 00:21:48.060 --> 00:21:51.140
  • She's like "I really just wanna go on your family vacation."
  • 00:21:51.140 --> 00:21:54.230
  • Huh? (laughing)
  • 00:21:54.230 --> 00:21:57.190
  • Number 11, If they never apologize or admit they're wrong.
  • 00:21:57.190 --> 00:22:02.200
  • This is a big one.
  • 00:22:03.220 --> 00:22:05.070
  • If he can't say he's sorry for talking to you like that,
  • 00:22:05.070 --> 00:22:09.190
  • if she won't say, it's not a big deal, just let it go,
  • 00:22:09.190 --> 00:22:12.100
  • you're so sensitive, you are so overly sensitive,
  • 00:22:12.100 --> 00:22:14.260
  • just get over it.
  • 00:22:14.260 --> 00:22:16.290
  • Guys, I'm just saying, like, if the pride in them,
  • 00:22:16.290 --> 00:22:20.020
  • if the ego in them won't let them say they're sorry,
  • 00:22:20.020 --> 00:22:23.050
  • that's a red flag to pay attention to.
  • 00:22:23.050 --> 00:22:26.090
  • That's like the opposite of humility.
  • 00:22:26.090 --> 00:22:28.210
  • If people can't say I was wrong, I am sorry,
  • 00:22:28.210 --> 00:22:32.270
  • I should not have interrupted you,
  • 00:22:32.270 --> 00:22:35.290
  • I should not have said that about you,
  • 00:22:35.290 --> 00:22:37.150
  • I should not have called you that name, I was wrong,
  • 00:22:37.150 --> 00:22:40.120
  • I'm sorry I did that.
  • 00:22:40.120 --> 00:22:42.010
  • I'm just saying right now, these are red flags
  • 00:22:42.010 --> 00:22:44.190
  • to have a conversation with this person.
  • 00:22:44.190 --> 00:22:47.140
  • Number 12, if you can't be yourself around this person
  • 00:22:47.140 --> 00:22:51.100
  • and you feel very uncomfortable, that's a red flag.
  • 00:22:51.100 --> 00:22:55.100
  • Now, it's one thing if they're calling you out
  • 00:22:55.100 --> 00:22:57.000
  • for bad behavior, if they're like, hey, listen,
  • 00:22:57.000 --> 00:22:58.210
  • you should stop cussing at people.
  • 00:22:58.210 --> 00:23:00.100
  • Pf, they won't let me cuss anymore, Paul,
  • 00:23:00.100 --> 00:23:02.160
  • they won't let me be myself.
  • 00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.030
  • They won't let me throw my golf clubs at people.
  • 00:23:04.030 --> 00:23:06.060
  • They won't let me punch anybody.
  • 00:23:06.060 --> 00:23:07.220
  • That's good, you need to stop punching people in the face.
  • 00:23:07.220 --> 00:23:10.210
  • You need to stop cussing out your mom.
  • 00:23:10.210 --> 00:23:12.160
  • They're calling you out for things that you need to grow on,
  • 00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:14.290
  • but if they're like, I don't like the way you laugh.
  • 00:23:14.290 --> 00:23:18.110
  • The way you laugh, it's so embarrassing.
  • 00:23:18.110 --> 00:23:20.100
  • I don't like your taste in food.
  • 00:23:20.100 --> 00:23:22.290
  • You need to start liking seafood like me.
  • 00:23:22.290 --> 00:23:24.230
  • I don't like that you don't like what I like.
  • 00:23:24.230 --> 00:23:27.040
  • You need to stop having these hobbies, basketball,
  • 00:23:27.040 --> 00:23:29.090
  • I just hate that, I hate that about you.
  • 00:23:29.090 --> 00:23:31.190
  • You need to like what I like.
  • 00:23:31.190 --> 00:23:32.190
  • I wish you read books like me,
  • 00:23:32.190 --> 00:23:34.030
  • I wish you watched chick-flicks like me.
  • 00:23:34.030 --> 00:23:36.020
  • Listen, God did not give you a unique personality
  • 00:23:36.020 --> 00:23:38.220
  • so some 16-year-old boy that likes you
  • 00:23:38.220 --> 00:23:41.040
  • could change you into his image.
  • 00:23:41.040 --> 00:23:42.200
  • You are made in the image of God
  • 00:23:42.200 --> 00:23:44.130
  • and it is so much better than trying to fit into
  • 00:23:44.130 --> 00:23:47.010
  • someone else's personality, frustrations, with you.
  • 00:23:47.010 --> 00:23:51.000
  • Hey, maybe you've been in a relationship
  • 00:23:52.040 --> 00:23:53.240
  • where there's been some red flags.
  • 00:23:53.240 --> 00:23:55.130
  • Maybe as you were listening to the sermon,
  • 00:23:55.130 --> 00:23:57.050
  • you were laughing and also thinking to yourself
  • 00:23:57.050 --> 00:23:59.180
  • my goodness, that's been me before, I've had those red flags
  • 00:23:59.180 --> 00:24:03.200
  • or I've dated someone with those red flags.
  • 00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:06.040
  • I wanna encourage you with this,
  • 00:24:06.040 --> 00:24:07.200
  • that no matter what kind of stuff
  • 00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:09.060
  • you've walked through in your past,
  • 00:24:09.060 --> 00:24:10.190
  • no matter what relationships haven't worked out,
  • 00:24:10.190 --> 00:24:13.040
  • God still has a plan for your life, God has a purpose.
  • 00:24:13.040 --> 00:24:15.190
  • Whether you're single or married or divorced,
  • 00:24:15.190 --> 00:24:17.290
  • God wants you to have a healthy relationship
  • 00:24:17.290 --> 00:24:20.120
  • with the person that you love.
  • 00:24:20.120 --> 00:24:21.270
  • God wants you to have a healthy marriage someday.
  • 00:24:21.270 --> 00:24:24.100
  • God wants you to be able to prosper in you relationships,
  • 00:24:24.100 --> 00:24:26.240
  • to thrive and not just survive, not just barely get by.
  • 00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:30.170
  • God wants you to be able to move past suspicion
  • 00:24:30.170 --> 00:24:33.110
  • and into a place of trust.
  • 00:24:33.110 --> 00:24:34.260
  • To move past jealousy, to move past bitterness,
  • 00:24:34.260 --> 00:24:37.190
  • hurts, offense, anger, pride,
  • 00:24:37.190 --> 00:24:40.120
  • God wants our hearts to get out of the red flag zone
  • 00:24:40.120 --> 00:24:43.160
  • and to come into a place of peace,
  • 00:24:43.160 --> 00:24:45.130
  • that we would be healthy on the inside.
  • 00:24:45.130 --> 00:24:47.140
  • So pray this prayer with me right now.
  • 00:24:47.140 --> 00:24:48.290
  • Just say, Jesus, start with me, start with my heart,
  • 00:24:48.290 --> 00:24:53.110
  • Lord, help me to grow into who you've called me to be,
  • 00:24:53.110 --> 00:24:56.250
  • so that I can be a healthy person from the inside out.
  • 00:24:56.250 --> 00:25:00.070
  • Spiritually healthy, in Jesus name, Amen.
  • 00:25:00.070 --> 00:25:03.130
  • I believe God's gonna help you with that.
  • 00:25:03.130 --> 00:25:05.120
  • Just like you heard in the sermon, that often times,
  • 00:25:05.120 --> 00:25:07.230
  • we try to close our eyes or we're more concerned
  • 00:25:07.230 --> 00:25:10.080
  • with fixing someone else, let's start with us first.
  • 00:25:10.080 --> 00:25:12.260
  • Every single day, just ask God to help you grow
  • 00:25:12.260 --> 00:25:15.190
  • into who he's called you to be.
  • 00:25:15.190 --> 00:25:17.120
  • Hey, we're here for you, this whole series is online
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  • at victory.com.
  • 00:25:20.070 --> 00:25:21.150
  • If you wanna watch this message again
  • 00:25:21.150 --> 00:25:23.010
  • or share it with friends, or watch the other parts,
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  • you can go to victory.com today and check that out.
  • 00:25:25.100 --> 00:25:28.070
  • Also, if there's anyway we can prayer for you
  • 00:25:28.070 --> 00:25:30.100
  • or celebrate your praise report,
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  • make sure that you email us at info@victory.com,
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  • tell us about it or you could call the number
  • 00:25:34.250 --> 00:25:36.190
  • at the bottom of the screen and we'll pray for you today.
  • 00:25:36.190 --> 00:25:39.240
  • We love you, if you're ever in Tulsa,
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  • come to Victory, come experience a service right here,
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  • We will make you feel right at home.
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  • Again, never forget your best days
  • 00:25:47.030 --> 00:25:49.050
  • are right in front of you.
  • 00:25:49.050 --> 00:25:50.140
  • - [Narrator] Now you can watch Pastor Paul's message
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