Red Flags in Marriage Part 1 | TBN

Red Flags in Marriage Part 1

Watch Red Flags in Marriage Part 1
June 18, 2019
27:32

Victory with Paul Daugherty

Closed captions

Red Flags in Marriage Part 1

Show timecode
Hide timecode
  • There's a lot of spiritual abuse
  • 00:00:03.260 --> 00:00:05.050
  • where someone will just shove it down
  • 00:00:05.050 --> 00:00:07.000
  • someone's throat preaching at them,
  • 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:08.140
  • hitting them with scriptures.
  • 00:00:08.140 --> 00:00:09.230
  • And the Bible said in Ephesians 5
  • 00:00:09.230 --> 00:00:11.150
  • that a wife should submit to her husband,
  • 00:00:11.150 --> 00:00:13.250
  • and my Mom said, "Are you loving her
  • 00:00:13.250 --> 00:00:16.250
  • because Ephesians 5 also says that the husband should love
  • 00:00:16.250 --> 00:00:19.270
  • the wife as Christ loves the church
  • 00:00:19.270 --> 00:00:22.030
  • and that he should lay down his life for her.
  • 00:00:22.030 --> 00:00:25.170
  • Hi, I'm Paul.
  • 00:00:25.170 --> 00:00:27.090
  • Almost 10 years ago my dad, my hero,
  • 00:00:27.090 --> 00:00:31.070
  • my pastor passed away unexpectedly.
  • 00:00:31.070 --> 00:00:34.140
  • He built a big church
  • 00:00:34.140 --> 00:00:36.080
  • and that's some pretty large shoes to fill.
  • 00:00:36.080 --> 00:00:38.170
  • When he died I didn't just lose my dad,
  • 00:00:38.170 --> 00:00:41.050
  • I lost my faith, I lost my purpose and my future.
  • 00:00:41.050 --> 00:00:45.070
  • But God showed up and restored my faith
  • 00:00:45.070 --> 00:00:48.140
  • and he gave me a message of hope to share with you.
  • 00:00:48.140 --> 00:00:51.100
  • (congregation applauding)
  • 00:00:51.100 --> 00:00:52.260
  • You're here on purpose.
  • 00:00:52.260 --> 00:00:54.180
  • God's not finished with you yet.
  • 00:00:54.180 --> 00:00:56.270
  • Your best days are right in front of you
  • 00:00:56.270 --> 00:00:59.170
  • and you have victory in your life
  • 00:00:59.170 --> 00:01:01.270
  • because Jesus lives in you.
  • 00:01:01.270 --> 00:01:04.120
  • (congregation applauding)
  • 00:01:04.120 --> 00:01:06.040
  • Proverbs 27:12, are you guys there y'all?
  • 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:08.140
  • Make some noise Proverbs 27 verse 12.
  • 00:01:08.140 --> 00:01:10.090
  • All right this is what the translation says.
  • 00:01:10.090 --> 00:01:12.250
  • Say the prudent see danger and take refuge.
  • 00:01:12.250 --> 00:01:16.140
  • The wise man, the wise woman sees danger
  • 00:01:16.140 --> 00:01:19.100
  • and take refuge but the simpleton, the foolish person
  • 00:01:19.100 --> 00:01:23.150
  • keeps going and pays the penalty.
  • 00:01:23.150 --> 00:01:26.110
  • Now this is what this version says
  • 00:01:26.110 --> 00:01:28.210
  • specifically in relationships.
  • 00:01:28.210 --> 00:01:30.120
  • When you see something that is a warning sign
  • 00:01:30.120 --> 00:01:33.050
  • do something about it.
  • 00:01:33.050 --> 00:01:34.200
  • Don't wait until there is a fire if there's smoke
  • 00:01:34.200 --> 00:01:37.120
  • go and look into that situation.
  • 00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:39.130
  • The prudent see danger and they take refuge
  • 00:01:39.130 --> 00:01:41.290
  • but the simpleton, the foolish people,
  • 00:01:41.290 --> 00:01:43.210
  • the foolish girl, the foolish guy says it's not a big deal.
  • 00:01:43.210 --> 00:01:47.090
  • It's all gonna work itself out.
  • 00:01:47.090 --> 00:01:48.270
  • Let's not even pay attention to it
  • 00:01:48.270 --> 00:01:50.200
  • and they keep going and suffer the consequences.
  • 00:01:50.200 --> 00:01:53.050
  • This is a time to leaning to pay attention to open our eyes.
  • 00:01:53.050 --> 00:01:57.030
  • So many people are going through life with a blindfold on.
  • 00:01:57.030 --> 00:02:00.220
  • Blind dates, blind relationships, blind marriages
  • 00:02:00.220 --> 00:02:03.280
  • and we've got to take it off
  • 00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:05.140
  • to pay attention to what's happening.
  • 00:02:05.140 --> 00:02:06.260
  • So today is the truth message.
  • 00:02:06.260 --> 00:02:08.060
  • Y'all want the truth today?
  • 00:02:08.060 --> 00:02:09.150
  • - [Congregation] Yeah.
  • 00:02:09.150 --> 00:02:10.220
  • - Come on, you can handle the truth
  • 00:02:10.220 --> 00:02:11.200
  • No, you can handle the truth.
  • 00:02:11.200 --> 00:02:13.120
  • The truth, the Bible says you will know the truth
  • 00:02:13.120 --> 00:02:15.170
  • and the truth will set you free
  • 00:02:15.170 --> 00:02:16.260
  • but sometimes the truth hurts.
  • 00:02:16.260 --> 00:02:18.190
  • So are you guys okay if I bring a challenging message today?
  • 00:02:18.190 --> 00:02:21.220
  • And even if you're not, I'm gonna bring it
  • 00:02:21.220 --> 00:02:23.100
  • 'cause I feel like God's calling me to do it.
  • 00:02:23.100 --> 00:02:25.210
  • All right, so let's talk about the red flags in marriage.
  • 00:02:25.210 --> 00:02:28.170
  • Now when you got married, you were at your wedding
  • 00:02:28.170 --> 00:02:32.060
  • and it was beautiful, right?
  • 00:02:32.060 --> 00:02:33.260
  • The bride was coming down the aisle
  • 00:02:33.260 --> 00:02:36.280
  • and you were goo-goo eyes.
  • 00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:38.230
  • You were watching her come down.
  • 00:02:38.230 --> 00:02:40.210
  • Looking at her down the aisle saying those vows,
  • 00:02:40.210 --> 00:02:44.110
  • and then the wedding was over and the marriage began.
  • 00:02:44.110 --> 00:02:48.260
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:02:48.260 --> 00:02:50.040
  • And all the red flags you thought were gone
  • 00:02:50.040 --> 00:02:52.100
  • all of a sudden starts popping up again.
  • 00:02:52.100 --> 00:02:54.170
  • What do you do when you see red flags in a marriage?
  • 00:02:54.170 --> 00:02:57.150
  • I'm glad you asked 'cause we're gonna talk about it today
  • 00:02:57.150 --> 00:03:00.130
  • and I wanna give you 25 red flags.
  • 00:03:00.130 --> 00:03:03.100
  • 25, you're like, oh my goodness.
  • 00:03:03.100 --> 00:03:05.070
  • He's doing it again.
  • 00:03:05.070 --> 00:03:06.220
  • We are going to go through these 25 red flags
  • 00:03:06.220 --> 00:03:09.190
  • and we're gonna get through them.
  • 00:03:09.190 --> 00:03:10.260
  • Now before we do, let me just say this
  • 00:03:10.260 --> 00:03:12.180
  • every marriage takes work, right.
  • 00:03:12.180 --> 00:03:14.130
  • Any marriage you see today that looks good
  • 00:03:14.130 --> 00:03:16.200
  • that looks good that looks like their having fun
  • 00:03:16.200 --> 00:03:18.040
  • that looks like they're surviving and it's all good.
  • 00:03:18.040 --> 00:03:20.110
  • It's because they are working on their marriage.
  • 00:03:20.110 --> 00:03:22.170
  • No marriage is good on accident.
  • 00:03:22.170 --> 00:03:24.210
  • It requires intentional work.
  • 00:03:24.210 --> 00:03:26.270
  • I heard of this joke, this story actually
  • 00:03:26.270 --> 00:03:29.100
  • that God was really, really pleased with this guy.
  • 00:03:29.100 --> 00:03:31.170
  • This guy was working really hard to just obey God
  • 00:03:31.170 --> 00:03:34.290
  • and do the right things.
  • 00:03:34.290 --> 00:03:36.090
  • And so God said,
  • 00:03:36.090 --> 00:03:37.170
  • "I'm gonna grant you anything you want."
  • 00:03:37.170 --> 00:03:39.210
  • And the man said, "Okay, I would really like to have
  • 00:03:39.210 --> 00:03:42.080
  • "a highway that connect all the continents together.
  • 00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:45.030
  • "I want a highway that stretches across the oceans
  • 00:03:45.030 --> 00:03:47.130
  • "and connect all the continents."
  • 00:03:47.130 --> 00:03:48.190
  • He said, "That's kind of a big request,
  • 00:03:48.190 --> 00:03:50.220
  • "you got any other ones?"
  • 00:03:50.220 --> 00:03:52.090
  • He said, "Yeah, I've always wanted to understand my wife
  • 00:03:52.090 --> 00:03:56.050
  • "and understand women."
  • 00:03:56.050 --> 00:03:57.230
  • And God said, "Do you want that a five lane
  • 00:03:57.230 --> 00:03:59.280
  • "or a seven lane highway?"
  • 00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:02.000
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:03.110
  • In other words, understanding one another.
  • 00:04:03.110 --> 00:04:05.110
  • Getting along with each other takes work.
  • 00:04:05.110 --> 00:04:07.030
  • It takes work.
  • 00:04:07.030 --> 00:04:08.190
  • There was another couple that went to a counselor's office.
  • 00:04:08.190 --> 00:04:10.030
  • They had been having issues, getting in fights,
  • 00:04:10.030 --> 00:04:11.290
  • not getting along with each other.
  • 00:04:11.290 --> 00:04:13.130
  • And so the wife convince the husband,
  • 00:04:13.130 --> 00:04:15.110
  • "We're gonna go see this counselor."
  • 00:04:15.110 --> 00:04:16.230
  • This counselor was twice their age.
  • 00:04:16.230 --> 00:04:18.060
  • He was an older man and he sat down with them
  • 00:04:18.060 --> 00:04:20.140
  • and they're sitting on his couch and he says,
  • 00:04:20.140 --> 00:04:22.250
  • "Okay, tell me what's going on in the marriage."
  • 00:04:22.250 --> 00:04:24.240
  • Well they start talking and it turns into World War III.
  • 00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:27.140
  • Just an all out fight.
  • 00:04:27.140 --> 00:04:28.260
  • They're screaming, shouting, name-calling.
  • 00:04:28.260 --> 00:04:31.070
  • "You're evil, just like your mother.
  • 00:04:31.070 --> 00:04:33.090
  • Just saying crazy stuff to each other
  • 00:04:33.090 --> 00:04:35.210
  • and finally the counselor says,
  • 00:04:35.210 --> 00:04:36.280
  • "Okay, I want you to watch something."
  • 00:04:36.280 --> 00:04:38.270
  • And he asked the wife to get up off the couch
  • 00:04:38.270 --> 00:04:41.210
  • and he looked at the husband and he said, "Watch this."
  • 00:04:41.210 --> 00:04:43.270
  • And he gave the wife a hug, and he said,
  • 00:04:43.270 --> 00:04:46.030
  • "This is what your wife needs every single day."
  • 00:04:46.030 --> 00:04:49.160
  • And the husband said,
  • 00:04:49.160 --> 00:04:50.240
  • "When should I bring her back tomorrow?"
  • 00:04:50.240 --> 00:04:52.250
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:04:52.250 --> 00:04:54.180
  • In other words, this guy didn't wanna work on his marriage.
  • 00:04:54.180 --> 00:04:57.230
  • He wanted the counselor to do it all.
  • 00:04:57.230 --> 00:05:00.120
  • So if we're gonna have good marriage, we gotta do the work.
  • 00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:03.020
  • Everybody say, do the work.
  • 00:05:03.020 --> 00:05:04.100
  • - [Congregation] Do the work.
  • 00:05:04.100 --> 00:05:05.140
  • - So as you're watching this message,
  • 00:05:05.140 --> 00:05:06.280
  • listening to this message, we need ears to hear,
  • 00:05:06.280 --> 00:05:09.030
  • not just what's wrong with our spouse
  • 00:05:09.030 --> 00:05:10.190
  • but what does God wanna speak to me.
  • 00:05:10.190 --> 00:05:12.260
  • What does God wanna speak to me?
  • 00:05:12.260 --> 00:05:14.180
  • I need ears to hear.
  • 00:05:14.180 --> 00:05:15.220
  • Ears of humility.
  • 00:05:15.220 --> 00:05:17.070
  • I need eyes to see what is God trying to show me right now
  • 00:05:17.070 --> 00:05:22.030
  • that I need to focus on and I need a heart to receive.
  • 00:05:23.160 --> 00:05:24.240
  • Everybody say ears to hear.
  • 00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:26.100
  • - [Congregation] Ears to hear.
  • 00:05:26.100 --> 00:05:27.050
  • - Eyes to see.
  • 00:05:27.050 --> 00:05:28.030
  • - [Congregation] Eyes to see.
  • 00:05:28.030 --> 00:05:29.010
  • - And a heart to receive.
  • 00:05:29.010 --> 00:05:30.090
  • - [Congregation] A heart to receive.
  • 00:05:30.090 --> 00:05:31.230
  • - All right, you guys ready for these 25 red flags?
  • 00:05:31.230 --> 00:05:33.070
  • Ready or not, here it comes.
  • 00:05:33.070 --> 00:05:34.210
  • Number one, when there hasn't been any physical intimacy
  • 00:05:34.210 --> 00:05:38.250
  • in a long, long time.
  • 00:05:38.250 --> 00:05:41.190
  • Physical intimacy is a must in marriage
  • 00:05:43.020 --> 00:05:45.230
  • and all the men said amen.
  • 00:05:45.230 --> 00:05:48.290
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:05:48.290 --> 00:05:49.240
  • Sex is good.
  • 00:05:49.240 --> 00:05:51.090
  • It is God's creation and sex is important in marriage.
  • 00:05:51.090 --> 00:05:55.110
  • There's got to be healthy, physical intimacy
  • 00:05:55.110 --> 00:05:59.050
  • on a frequent basis.
  • 00:05:59.050 --> 00:06:00.250
  • If it's happening once a year,
  • 00:06:00.250 --> 00:06:02.140
  • it's time to stir up the fire again
  • 00:06:02.140 --> 00:06:04.250
  • and bring that physical intimacy back in the marriage
  • 00:06:04.250 --> 00:06:08.030
  • and these red flags are not a means for divorce.
  • 00:06:08.030 --> 00:06:10.230
  • So don't be sitting here going
  • 00:06:10.230 --> 00:06:11.250
  • that's it, it's over, I'm done.
  • 00:06:11.250 --> 00:06:13.190
  • No, this is a time to have a conversation.
  • 00:06:13.190 --> 00:06:17.020
  • These red flags, all of the red flags
  • 00:06:17.020 --> 00:06:18.290
  • I'm gonna share today are not a means for divorce.
  • 00:06:18.290 --> 00:06:20.200
  • They are a means to say, we need to talk about this.
  • 00:06:20.200 --> 00:06:22.260
  • Is this God's will for our marriage to be like this?
  • 00:06:22.260 --> 00:06:25.240
  • Because this sounds like a red flag,
  • 00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:27.100
  • this feels like a red flag
  • 00:06:27.100 --> 00:06:28.290
  • and let's figure out what causing it, what's stirring it
  • 00:06:28.290 --> 00:06:31.200
  • and let's bring a resolution.
  • 00:06:31.200 --> 00:06:33.040
  • Number two, when they stop apologizing for bad behavior.
  • 00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:37.220
  • When he won't say I'm sorry like he used to.
  • 00:06:37.220 --> 00:06:40.170
  • When she won't say I'm sorry like she once did.
  • 00:06:40.170 --> 00:06:43.140
  • When the marriage get so cold
  • 00:06:43.140 --> 00:06:45.290
  • that bad behavior is no longer apologized for.
  • 00:06:45.290 --> 00:06:49.110
  • We just treat each other.
  • 00:06:49.110 --> 00:06:50.090
  • This is as good as it gets.
  • 00:06:50.090 --> 00:06:51.140
  • You're stuck with me now
  • 00:06:51.140 --> 00:06:53.150
  • so you're just gonna have to put up with this.
  • 00:06:53.150 --> 00:06:56.110
  • And if we lose that soft touch, that humble heart
  • 00:06:56.110 --> 00:06:59.290
  • to say I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry.
  • 00:06:59.290 --> 00:07:02.080
  • There's gonna be times where you hurt each other feelings
  • 00:07:02.080 --> 00:07:05.050
  • but there's gotta be a repentance.
  • 00:07:05.050 --> 00:07:06.260
  • There's gotta be a willingness to say I'm sorry.
  • 00:07:06.260 --> 00:07:09.130
  • Let's just practice it today say I'm sorry.
  • 00:07:09.130 --> 00:07:12.050
  • - [Congregation] I'm sorry.
  • 00:07:12.050 --> 00:07:13.200
  • - Come on, we're bringing healing to marriages today.
  • 00:07:13.200 --> 00:07:15.110
  • Right here, right now.
  • 00:07:15.110 --> 00:07:16.260
  • Number three, when they pick and choose certain scriptures
  • 00:07:16.260 --> 00:07:20.050
  • to fit what benefits them even if it hurts you.
  • 00:07:20.050 --> 00:07:24.020
  • Now I remember growing up my mom told this story
  • 00:07:25.140 --> 00:07:27.180
  • about this man who showed up at our house.
  • 00:07:27.180 --> 00:07:29.110
  • He found our family's address shows up.
  • 00:07:29.110 --> 00:07:31.150
  • This happens a few times growing up and
  • 00:07:31.150 --> 00:07:34.030
  • I need to speak to Pastor Sharon and Pastor Bill Joel.
  • 00:07:34.030 --> 00:07:37.120
  • I need to talk to the pastor right now.
  • 00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:39.050
  • Banging on the door, so my mom opens the door,
  • 00:07:39.050 --> 00:07:41.120
  • keeps the glass door closed.
  • 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:43.060
  • And what can I do for you sir?
  • 00:07:43.060 --> 00:07:44.290
  • And he said, "Listen, you need to tell my wife
  • 00:07:44.290 --> 00:07:47.120
  • "she needs to submit to me.
  • 00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:48.260
  • "She's not submitting to me and the Bible says
  • 00:07:48.260 --> 00:07:51.120
  • "in Ephesians 5 that a wife
  • 00:07:51.120 --> 00:07:52.230
  • "should submit to her husband."
  • 00:07:52.230 --> 00:07:54.220
  • And my mom said, "Are you loving her?
  • 00:07:54.220 --> 00:07:57.190
  • "Because Ephesians 5 also says that the husband
  • 00:07:57.190 --> 00:08:00.050
  • "should love the wife as Christ loves the church
  • 00:08:00.050 --> 00:08:02.290
  • "and that he should lay down his life for her,
  • 00:08:02.290 --> 00:08:05.250
  • "and there should be mutual",
  • 00:08:05.250 --> 00:08:07.040
  • my mom was preaching to this guy and he did not
  • 00:08:07.040 --> 00:08:09.150
  • like he was growling.
  • 00:08:09.150 --> 00:08:10.290
  • Some of y'all doing this right now as I'm preaching.
  • 00:08:10.290 --> 00:08:13.030
  • We're gonna cast some demons out today.
  • 00:08:13.030 --> 00:08:15.020
  • Come on in the name of Jesus.
  • 00:08:15.020 --> 00:08:16.170
  • Deliverance is happening at Victory.
  • 00:08:16.170 --> 00:08:18.270
  • (congregation applauding)
  • 00:08:18.270 --> 00:08:20.110
  • Don't take a bathroom break during this sermon.
  • 00:08:20.110 --> 00:08:21.070
  • I need this.
  • 00:08:21.070 --> 00:08:22.020
  • You need this.
  • 00:08:22.020 --> 00:08:22.270
  • We all need this.
  • 00:08:22.270 --> 00:08:24.110
  • I'm preaching to me too but there's got to be a willingness
  • 00:08:24.110 --> 00:08:28.150
  • to accept all the scriptures.
  • 00:08:28.150 --> 00:08:30.190
  • Not just the ones that benefit you
  • 00:08:30.190 --> 00:08:32.230
  • and challenge the other person
  • 00:08:32.230 --> 00:08:34.150
  • but the ones that challenge you as well.
  • 00:08:34.150 --> 00:08:36.000
  • The Bible says that there should be mutual submission,
  • 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:38.200
  • mutual respect for one another.
  • 00:08:38.200 --> 00:08:40.170
  • Mutual love and there's a lot of spiritual abuse
  • 00:08:40.170 --> 00:08:43.110
  • that happens in the church.
  • 00:08:43.110 --> 00:08:44.250
  • There's a lot of spiritual abuse
  • 00:08:44.250 --> 00:08:46.090
  • where someone will just shove it down someone's throat.
  • 00:08:46.090 --> 00:08:48.210
  • Preaching at them and hitting them with scriptures
  • 00:08:48.210 --> 00:08:50.260
  • and yet not accepting the scriptures
  • 00:08:50.260 --> 00:08:52.240
  • that are calling their behavior to make a change as well.
  • 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.050
  • Number four, when there are no boundaries with the in laws.
  • 00:08:56.050 --> 00:08:59.160
  • Holy Spirit, you are welcome here.
  • 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:03.080
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:09:03.080 --> 00:09:06.010
  • The atmosphere is changing now.
  • 00:09:06.010 --> 00:09:07.230
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:09:07.230 --> 00:09:09.220
  • Listen, I love my in-laws.
  • 00:09:09.220 --> 00:09:11.200
  • Today is my father-in-law's birthday.
  • 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:13.120
  • Happy birthday.
  • 00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:14.170
  • (congregation applauding)
  • 00:09:14.170 --> 00:09:16.030
  • But let me say this in-laws are not meant to be involved
  • 00:09:16.030 --> 00:09:19.280
  • in every single disagreement
  • 00:09:19.280 --> 00:09:22.010
  • and every single decision that is made.
  • 00:09:22.010 --> 00:09:24.040
  • When there is an in-law that is controlling every decision,
  • 00:09:24.040 --> 00:09:27.170
  • when there is an in-law that is trying to come
  • 00:09:27.170 --> 00:09:30.210
  • into every disagreement
  • 00:09:30.210 --> 00:09:31.270
  • and trying to resolve every situation
  • 00:09:31.270 --> 00:09:33.250
  • and not letting the kids grow up and be adults.
  • 00:09:33.250 --> 00:09:36.190
  • Not letting the man grow up and be a man.
  • 00:09:36.190 --> 00:09:38.220
  • The woman grow up and be, there needs to be an empowerment
  • 00:09:38.220 --> 00:09:42.080
  • and the Bible says that the two shall become one.
  • 00:09:42.080 --> 00:09:44.130
  • They shall leave their mother and father
  • 00:09:44.130 --> 00:09:46.230
  • and cleave to each other.
  • 00:09:46.230 --> 00:09:48.050
  • How can the two become one when the in-laws
  • 00:09:48.050 --> 00:09:50.220
  • are all in the middle of all their stuff.
  • 00:09:50.220 --> 00:09:53.010
  • There's gotta be boundaries.
  • 00:09:53.010 --> 00:09:54.070
  • Everybody say boundaries.
  • 00:09:54.070 --> 00:09:55.140
  • - [Congregation] Boundaries.
  • 00:09:55.140 --> 00:09:56.220
  • - Don't give me the death stare y'all.
  • 00:09:56.220 --> 00:09:58.090
  • Don't give me the death like we're gonna talk about this.
  • 00:09:58.090 --> 00:10:00.060
  • There's gotta be boundaries.
  • 00:10:00.060 --> 00:10:01.200
  • Ashley and I went to a "Before you say I do" class,
  • 00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:03.260
  • a 12 week course before we got married
  • 00:10:03.260 --> 00:10:06.100
  • taught by some of our friends, Carl and Charity Taylor
  • 00:10:06.100 --> 00:10:08.170
  • and they shared this story that was so funny.
  • 00:10:08.170 --> 00:10:10.150
  • They said, when we first got married in Queens, New York.
  • 00:10:10.150 --> 00:10:13.210
  • We moved into an apartment complex,
  • 00:10:13.210 --> 00:10:16.040
  • and one of the parents was on one side of the apartment
  • 00:10:16.040 --> 00:10:20.190
  • on the other side and the other set of parents
  • 00:10:20.190 --> 00:10:22.200
  • was on the other side.
  • 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:24.010
  • So they rented an apartment that was literally
  • 00:10:24.010 --> 00:10:26.110
  • between both of their parents and all their brothers
  • 00:10:26.110 --> 00:10:29.070
  • and sisters were on the same floor.
  • 00:10:29.070 --> 00:10:31.020
  • They said it was it was H-E double, like it was bad.
  • 00:10:31.020 --> 00:10:35.060
  • It was really, really hard to leave and cleave.
  • 00:10:35.060 --> 00:10:37.270
  • There was so much stuff that everyone
  • 00:10:37.270 --> 00:10:41.010
  • was listening to each other.
  • 00:10:41.010 --> 00:10:42.160
  • Everyone was you couldn't have an intimate moment
  • 00:10:42.160 --> 00:10:45.140
  • without the other people hearing on the,
  • 00:10:45.140 --> 00:10:47.270
  • I'm gonna stop going that deep into this specific point
  • 00:10:47.270 --> 00:10:51.130
  • but the main thing is boundaries.
  • 00:10:51.130 --> 00:10:53.190
  • When are we gonna own and be responsible for our behavior
  • 00:10:53.190 --> 00:10:57.030
  • and our actions and our language.
  • 00:10:57.030 --> 00:10:59.060
  • The buck stops with me.
  • 00:10:59.060 --> 00:11:02.290
  • One of the greatest revelations
  • 00:11:02.290 --> 00:11:04.150
  • that can happen in this series is to own what's happening
  • 00:11:04.150 --> 00:11:07.260
  • in our life and to stop blaming it on everyone else.
  • 00:11:07.260 --> 00:11:12.100
  • - [Announcer] Now you can watch Pastor Paul's message
  • 00:11:14.000 --> 00:11:16.050
  • from anywhere at Victory.com.
  • 00:11:16.050 --> 00:11:19.080
  • With hours of streaming content and several viewing options
  • 00:11:19.080 --> 00:11:22.140
  • right at your fingertips.
  • 00:11:22.140 --> 00:11:23.270
  • You can watch archived messages
  • 00:11:23.270 --> 00:11:25.170
  • from his most inspirational sermons.
  • 00:11:25.170 --> 00:11:28.030
  • Messages on popular topics like faith, forgiveness,
  • 00:11:28.030 --> 00:11:31.070
  • love and relationships.
  • 00:11:31.070 --> 00:11:33.050
  • You can also find Pastor Paul's unique teachings
  • 00:11:33.050 --> 00:11:35.220
  • on biblical heroes like David, Daniel,
  • 00:11:35.220 --> 00:11:38.210
  • Nehemiah and St. Paul.
  • 00:11:38.210 --> 00:11:40.250
  • You will also be able to watch live services
  • 00:11:42.010 --> 00:11:44.060
  • and interact with one of our pastors.
  • 00:11:44.060 --> 00:11:46.230
  • There are so many new ways to connect with us now online.
  • 00:11:46.230 --> 00:11:50.140
  • Sign up for Pastor Paul's daily devotional
  • 00:11:50.140 --> 00:11:53.030
  • "Victory for today".
  • 00:11:53.030 --> 00:11:54.240
  • A special word from God and note from Pastor Paul
  • 00:11:54.240 --> 00:11:58.020
  • delivered right to your inbox every day.
  • 00:11:58.020 --> 00:12:01.020
  • You don't have to wait for Pastor Paul's messages
  • 00:12:01.020 --> 00:12:03.070
  • to be broadcast on TV before you see them.
  • 00:12:03.070 --> 00:12:05.230
  • Go online and watch all
  • 00:12:05.230 --> 00:12:07.170
  • of the life changing content anytime.
  • 00:12:07.170 --> 00:12:10.130
  • Go right now to check it out, Victory.com.
  • 00:12:10.130 --> 00:12:13.290
  • - Number five, when they refuse to get counseling.
  • 00:12:15.120 --> 00:12:17.150
  • After there's been multiple conversations
  • 00:12:17.150 --> 00:12:19.110
  • that counseling would be helpful.
  • 00:12:19.110 --> 00:12:21.190
  • Now Ashley and I since we've gotten married,
  • 00:12:21.190 --> 00:12:23.290
  • we've gone and seen some good, Godly, Christian counselors.
  • 00:12:23.290 --> 00:12:27.210
  • And the reason we've done that is not
  • 00:12:27.210 --> 00:12:29.130
  • because our marriage was on the rocks
  • 00:12:29.130 --> 00:12:31.040
  • but because we wanted our marriage to stay
  • 00:12:31.040 --> 00:12:32.240
  • on the rock of Jesus Christ.
  • 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:34.210
  • We wanted our marriage to be strong
  • 00:12:34.210 --> 00:12:36.130
  • and we knew we need tools.
  • 00:12:36.130 --> 00:12:38.010
  • We need someone to help sharpen us
  • 00:12:38.010 --> 00:12:39.170
  • to just help us navigate different decisions.
  • 00:12:39.170 --> 00:12:41.290
  • And the reason we felt comfortable to go to these counselors
  • 00:12:41.290 --> 00:12:45.000
  • is 'cause we had healthy, older married couples.
  • 00:12:45.000 --> 00:12:47.170
  • Pastors that we admire that said,
  • 00:12:47.170 --> 00:12:49.050
  • hey listen, going and seeing a counselor is not a bad thing.
  • 00:12:49.050 --> 00:12:52.070
  • It's a healthy thing.
  • 00:12:52.070 --> 00:12:53.110
  • It's a good thing.
  • 00:12:53.110 --> 00:12:54.100
  • It's not a red flag.
  • 00:12:54.100 --> 00:12:55.240
  • It's actually a green flag that you care about your marriage
  • 00:12:55.240 --> 00:12:58.000
  • and you're willing and humble enough to go
  • 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:00.080
  • and submit yourself to some counsel and advice
  • 00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:02.180
  • from an outside person that's Godly
  • 00:13:02.180 --> 00:13:04.290
  • that has studied marriage so we have done that.
  • 00:13:04.290 --> 00:13:07.290
  • Now, the funny thing is when people hear that we've gone
  • 00:13:07.290 --> 00:13:10.230
  • and done it, they're like what's wrong?
  • 00:13:10.230 --> 00:13:12.080
  • Is everything okay?
  • 00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:13.230
  • Are you guys getting a divorce?
  • 00:13:13.230 --> 00:13:15.070
  • No, it's because we care about strengthening our marriage
  • 00:13:15.070 --> 00:13:18.140
  • so if you're here today and you reject the idea
  • 00:13:18.140 --> 00:13:20.160
  • of getting counsel from Godly people,
  • 00:13:20.160 --> 00:13:23.080
  • I'm telling you it is not a bad thing.
  • 00:13:23.080 --> 00:13:25.060
  • You are not messed up.
  • 00:13:25.060 --> 00:13:26.270
  • You're not broken.
  • 00:13:26.270 --> 00:13:27.290
  • This is actually a healthy thing.
  • 00:13:27.290 --> 00:13:30.070
  • Number six, when they stop wanting to be around family
  • 00:13:30.070 --> 00:13:33.290
  • or Godly friends or any support system.
  • 00:13:33.290 --> 00:13:36.210
  • When there's a refusal.
  • 00:13:36.210 --> 00:13:37.280
  • I don't wanna hang around them anymore.
  • 00:13:37.280 --> 00:13:39.050
  • So now it's the opposite instead of the in-laws
  • 00:13:39.050 --> 00:13:41.030
  • being overly involved, it's just a complete push out.
  • 00:13:41.030 --> 00:13:44.050
  • I don't want your dad around.
  • 00:13:44.050 --> 00:13:45.060
  • I don't want your mom.
  • 00:13:45.060 --> 00:13:46.120
  • I don't wanna be around any of your family.
  • 00:13:46.120 --> 00:13:47.100
  • I don't wanna be around family.
  • 00:13:47.100 --> 00:13:48.230
  • I don't wanna be around the church anymore.
  • 00:13:48.230 --> 00:13:50.070
  • I don't wanna be around any support system.
  • 00:13:50.070 --> 00:13:52.230
  • In order for marriages to function in a healthy way
  • 00:13:52.230 --> 00:13:55.110
  • there has to be good support system around them.
  • 00:13:55.110 --> 00:13:58.210
  • And if you just moved to Tulsa and you've moved away
  • 00:13:58.210 --> 00:14:01.250
  • from all your family that lives in another state
  • 00:14:01.250 --> 00:14:04.060
  • and your old church,
  • 00:14:04.060 --> 00:14:05.200
  • get connected in Godly community right here.
  • 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:08.090
  • There are Godly, spiritual moms and dads in this church
  • 00:14:08.090 --> 00:14:11.090
  • that would love to help you grow in your marriage.
  • 00:14:11.090 --> 00:14:16.090
  • I feel like it's getting quiet in this charismatic church.
  • 00:14:17.220 --> 00:14:19.230
  • All right, here we go number seven.
  • 00:14:19.230 --> 00:14:21.200
  • When they stop serving
  • 00:14:21.200 --> 00:14:23.060
  • and they start worshiping the narcissistic trinity,
  • 00:14:23.060 --> 00:14:25.280
  • me, myself and I.
  • 00:14:25.280 --> 00:14:27.120
  • Now, I talked about this with singles last week
  • 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:29.260
  • but this becomes even more intense in marriage.
  • 00:14:29.260 --> 00:14:33.100
  • Listen the Bible says that marriage can only work
  • 00:14:34.220 --> 00:14:37.030
  • when the head of the home is flowing
  • 00:14:37.030 --> 00:14:39.270
  • as the servant of Christ.
  • 00:14:39.270 --> 00:14:41.090
  • Jesus said, "I came to serve not to be served."
  • 00:14:41.090 --> 00:14:43.220
  • And the husband is to imitate Christ in the marriage
  • 00:14:43.220 --> 00:14:46.200
  • taking on the same mindset, the same attitude as a servant.
  • 00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:50.170
  • Our marriage can only be as strong as our servanthood.
  • 00:14:50.170 --> 00:14:53.290
  • When servanthood goes out the window,
  • 00:14:53.290 --> 00:14:56.000
  • marriage starts to crumble.
  • 00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:57.140
  • It's a red flag when no one wants to serve.
  • 00:14:57.140 --> 00:15:00.140
  • When it's all about me, myself and I.
  • 00:15:00.140 --> 00:15:03.120
  • I'm not here for serving you, you're here to serve me.
  • 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:05.270
  • I married you so that you would wash the dishes
  • 00:15:05.270 --> 00:15:08.130
  • and clean the house and do everything for me.
  • 00:15:08.130 --> 00:15:10.100
  • That's not healthy when there's not a mutual servanthood.
  • 00:15:10.100 --> 00:15:14.270
  • Don't shoot the messenger.
  • 00:15:14.270 --> 00:15:16.130
  • I see people just aiming at me right now.
  • 00:15:16.130 --> 00:15:18.150
  • God bless you in Jesus' name.
  • 00:15:18.150 --> 00:15:20.080
  • Number eight, when you stop making an effort
  • 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:22.290
  • to spend quality time together.
  • 00:15:22.290 --> 00:15:25.070
  • When there's no longer an effort to go on dates,
  • 00:15:25.070 --> 00:15:27.290
  • to hang out together, to go to a breakfast,
  • 00:15:27.290 --> 00:15:30.120
  • to go on a little getaway.
  • 00:15:30.120 --> 00:15:32.100
  • And listen it doesn't have to be fancy,
  • 00:15:32.100 --> 00:15:34.050
  • it doesn't have to be expensive
  • 00:15:34.050 --> 00:15:35.140
  • but make time for your honey boo boo.
  • 00:15:35.140 --> 00:15:37.200
  • Make time for each other.
  • 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:39.070
  • Make time to get away.
  • 00:15:39.070 --> 00:15:41.030
  • Ashley and I made a decision early on in our marriage
  • 00:15:41.030 --> 00:15:43.050
  • that we were gonna do a date night every week that we could.
  • 00:15:43.050 --> 00:15:45.280
  • We were gonna make a commitment to do it.
  • 00:15:45.280 --> 00:15:47.210
  • Now we have three kids and by the grace of God,
  • 00:15:47.210 --> 00:15:50.260
  • we are still doing it today,
  • 00:15:50.260 --> 00:15:53.140
  • having a date night every single,
  • 00:15:53.140 --> 00:15:55.070
  • now it takes work.
  • 00:15:55.070 --> 00:15:56.130
  • We gotta get babysitters.
  • 00:15:56.130 --> 00:15:57.150
  • We gotta call up the in-laws,
  • 00:15:57.150 --> 00:15:59.070
  • my mom to see if they'll babysit for free.
  • 00:15:59.070 --> 00:16:02.030
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:16:02.030 --> 00:16:03.180
  • So that way we can do it for free but it takes work
  • 00:16:03.180 --> 00:16:05.170
  • and if you're here right now and you say,
  • 00:16:05.170 --> 00:16:07.000
  • man, it's been years since we had a date night.
  • 00:16:07.000 --> 00:16:08.290
  • Make a decision today to heed this message.
  • 00:16:08.290 --> 00:16:12.050
  • To say, you know what, we need to go on a date night again.
  • 00:16:12.050 --> 00:16:14.290
  • All right, number nine.
  • 00:16:14.290 --> 00:16:16.120
  • When one spouse wants to control everything.
  • 00:16:16.120 --> 00:16:21.080
  • When one spouse is controlling everything.
  • 00:16:21.080 --> 00:16:24.210
  • You don't get to decide.
  • 00:16:24.210 --> 00:16:26.010
  • I'm gonna decide what's best for this house
  • 00:16:26.010 --> 00:16:28.050
  • 'cause I'm the head of the home.
  • 00:16:28.050 --> 00:16:30.080
  • You don't even get a say.
  • 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:31.130
  • I'm gonna decide what's best for our kids.
  • 00:16:31.130 --> 00:16:33.160
  • We're all gonna become vegan, vegetarians
  • 00:16:33.160 --> 00:16:35.110
  • because I'm a vegan so we're gonna do farm to table.
  • 00:16:35.110 --> 00:16:37.170
  • You don't even get to decide what kind of milk we're having
  • 00:16:37.170 --> 00:16:39.260
  • or what's going on in this.
  • 00:16:39.260 --> 00:16:41.030
  • I'm in charge and I'm buying a motorcycle.
  • 00:16:41.030 --> 00:16:43.080
  • I'm doing this.
  • 00:16:43.080 --> 00:16:44.060
  • I'm putting the kids in here.
  • 00:16:44.060 --> 00:16:45.200
  • When there is intense OCD, over the top control going on
  • 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:49.030
  • in a marriage, it is a red flag.
  • 00:16:49.030 --> 00:16:50.290
  • It is not meant to be that way.
  • 00:16:50.290 --> 00:16:52.170
  • There is meant to be submission to God
  • 00:16:52.170 --> 00:16:55.010
  • and equal balance of love and respect and listening
  • 00:16:55.010 --> 00:16:58.290
  • to each others needs and wants and working together.
  • 00:16:58.290 --> 00:17:01.230
  • Philippians 2:2-4 says,
  • 00:17:01.230 --> 00:17:04.040
  • "Put away selfish and vain ambition."
  • 00:17:04.040 --> 00:17:07.230
  • If it is selfish and it is vain, put it away
  • 00:17:07.230 --> 00:17:11.000
  • and it says put on the same attitude
  • 00:17:11.000 --> 00:17:13.180
  • that Christ had as a servant.
  • 00:17:13.180 --> 00:17:15.280
  • This is how we deal with controlling spirits.
  • 00:17:15.280 --> 00:17:18.080
  • We bring it back under the cross in Jesus name.
  • 00:17:18.080 --> 00:17:21.270
  • Number ten, when the daily tone changes
  • 00:17:21.270 --> 00:17:26.050
  • to increased complaining, sarcasms,
  • 00:17:26.050 --> 00:17:28.240
  • put-downs and descends into name-calling.
  • 00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:32.080
  • Now there are some people who think this is absolutely
  • 00:17:32.080 --> 00:17:34.010
  • a way to motivate people.
  • 00:17:34.010 --> 00:17:35.180
  • The more I make fun of them,
  • 00:17:35.180 --> 00:17:37.030
  • the more motivated he's gonna be to be the husband
  • 00:17:37.030 --> 00:17:39.240
  • I've called them to be.
  • 00:17:39.240 --> 00:17:40.220
  • No, no name-calling and sarcasm
  • 00:17:40.220 --> 00:17:43.210
  • and put-downs does not motivate anyone to become better.
  • 00:17:43.210 --> 00:17:47.160
  • I had a coach that was a parent volunteer coach.
  • 00:17:47.160 --> 00:17:50.200
  • He was a parent of one of the other players
  • 00:17:50.200 --> 00:17:52.110
  • when I playing football in seventh grade.
  • 00:17:52.110 --> 00:17:54.160
  • And he would show up to our practices
  • 00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:56.050
  • and this is how he talked
  • 00:17:56.050 --> 00:17:57.160
  • to all of us 12 and 13 year old boys.
  • 00:17:57.160 --> 00:18:00.120
  • You little sissy.
  • 00:18:00.120 --> 00:18:01.140
  • My grandma runs faster than you.
  • 00:18:01.140 --> 00:18:03.200
  • What are you doing out here you little,
  • 00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:05.160
  • and just always name-calling putting us down.
  • 00:18:05.160 --> 00:18:08.030
  • Sarcasm, making fun of us and it did not make any of us
  • 00:18:08.030 --> 00:18:11.280
  • wanna play better at football.
  • 00:18:11.280 --> 00:18:13.240
  • In fact, it made us wanna quit football.
  • 00:18:13.240 --> 00:18:16.030
  • I went to my Dad and said, "I just wanna quite.
  • 00:18:16.030 --> 00:18:17.210
  • "I'm not having fun anymore."
  • 00:18:17.210 --> 00:18:19.100
  • This is becoming and you might be going,
  • 00:18:19.100 --> 00:18:21.260
  • well, you just need to grow up Paul
  • 00:18:21.260 --> 00:18:23.020
  • and get some thick skin and handle put-downs
  • 00:18:23.020 --> 00:18:25.020
  • and name-calling.
  • 00:18:25.020 --> 00:18:26.170
  • No, that's bullying and bullying does not reflect
  • 00:18:26.170 --> 00:18:29.190
  • God's nature in the marriage.
  • 00:18:29.190 --> 00:18:31.150
  • (congregation applauding)
  • 00:18:31.150 --> 00:18:33.000
  • If you're stirring up a spirit of bullying in your marriage
  • 00:18:33.000 --> 00:18:34.260
  • and you think it's gonna motivate your spouse,
  • 00:18:34.260 --> 00:18:36.260
  • your husband, your wife to become better.
  • 00:18:36.260 --> 00:18:38.280
  • I'm telling you today, in Jesus name stop that bullying.
  • 00:18:38.280 --> 00:18:43.050
  • Stop that sarcasm, stop those name-calling, put-downs
  • 00:18:43.050 --> 00:18:46.230
  • with no apologies behind the behavior.
  • 00:18:46.230 --> 00:18:48.250
  • It's not nice.
  • 00:18:48.250 --> 00:18:50.110
  • It's not Christ like and it's not healthy for your marriage.
  • 00:18:50.110 --> 00:18:54.070
  • Don't shoot the messenger.
  • 00:18:54.070 --> 00:18:55.150
  • I'm just bringing God's word to you.
  • 00:18:55.150 --> 00:18:57.090
  • Number eleven, when they go out all the time without you.
  • 00:18:57.090 --> 00:19:02.110
  • I'm going out, gonna go shoot some pool.
  • 00:19:03.270 --> 00:19:07.020
  • Can I come?
  • 00:19:07.020 --> 00:19:08.000
  • No, it's just me and the boys.
  • 00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:09.230
  • The next night, I'm going out.
  • 00:19:09.230 --> 00:19:11.180
  • Gonna go play some golf.
  • 00:19:11.180 --> 00:19:13.040
  • Can I come?
  • 00:19:13.040 --> 00:19:13.290
  • No, it's just me.
  • 00:19:13.290 --> 00:19:15.130
  • The next night.
  • 00:19:15.130 --> 00:19:16.200
  • I'm going out, gonna play some bowling.
  • 00:19:16.200 --> 00:19:18.190
  • Do you play bowling or do you use a bowl?
  • 00:19:18.190 --> 00:19:20.210
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:19:20.210 --> 00:19:21.160
  • Can I come?
  • 00:19:21.160 --> 00:19:22.230
  • No, it's just me and the bowling ball.
  • 00:19:22.230 --> 00:19:24.070
  • Every single night, it's just him all by himself or her.
  • 00:19:24.070 --> 00:19:27.120
  • If you're going out all the time by yourself
  • 00:19:27.120 --> 00:19:29.120
  • without them and they're never invited.
  • 00:19:29.120 --> 00:19:31.080
  • Do not think that that is health for your marriage.
  • 00:19:31.080 --> 00:19:34.060
  • Today, make a change.
  • 00:19:34.060 --> 00:19:35.120
  • You know what, I'm gonna start inviting them
  • 00:19:35.120 --> 00:19:36.160
  • to be apart of some of these.
  • 00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:37.250
  • There's nothing wrong with the hobbies
  • 00:19:37.250 --> 00:19:39.150
  • but you keep leaving out your spouse
  • 00:19:39.150 --> 00:19:41.020
  • every single day all the time.
  • 00:19:41.020 --> 00:19:43.090
  • Going to the bar, going to the club.
  • 00:19:43.090 --> 00:19:44.240
  • Listen, you are married, be married.
  • 00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:47.140
  • Live in that marriage.
  • 00:19:47.140 --> 00:19:48.170
  • Make the most of it.
  • 00:19:48.170 --> 00:19:50.030
  • The only reason the grass is greener on the other side
  • 00:19:50.030 --> 00:19:52.040
  • is 'cause you're not watering your yard.
  • 00:19:52.040 --> 00:19:54.090
  • Bring them into your activities.
  • 00:19:54.090 --> 00:19:57.000
  • Number twelve,
  • 00:19:57.000 --> 00:19:58.150
  • when they become very angry about little things.
  • 00:19:58.150 --> 00:20:02.030
  • And this might even be happening right now
  • 00:20:03.150 --> 00:20:05.050
  • as I'm preaching.
  • 00:20:05.050 --> 00:20:06.090
  • I'm getting out of here.
  • 00:20:06.090 --> 00:20:07.080
  • I don't like this preacher.
  • 00:20:07.080 --> 00:20:08.160
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:09.280
  • Anytime there is a relationship series,
  • 00:20:09.280 --> 00:20:11.240
  • the ladies are like, this is so good for us,
  • 00:20:11.240 --> 00:20:13.130
  • and the men are like, I was just starting to like this guy.
  • 00:20:13.130 --> 00:20:16.070
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:20:16.070 --> 00:20:17.130
  • And now he's gotta do this to me.
  • 00:20:17.130 --> 00:20:19.120
  • Gotta bring this stuff to me
  • 00:20:19.120 --> 00:20:20.200
  • but listen this is healthy for us.
  • 00:20:20.200 --> 00:20:22.140
  • I'm preaching to me too.
  • 00:20:22.140 --> 00:20:23.280
  • How many of y'all are still a work in progress?
  • 00:20:23.280 --> 00:20:26.050
  • Most of us in the room haven't arrived yet.
  • 00:20:26.050 --> 00:20:28.020
  • We're not perfect.
  • 00:20:28.020 --> 00:20:29.180
  • A few of you are, we wanna be like you, we love you.
  • 00:20:29.180 --> 00:20:31.230
  • You're awesome, you are perfect
  • 00:20:31.230 --> 00:20:33.230
  • but the rest of us, we're still growing.
  • 00:20:33.230 --> 00:20:36.100
  • And so it is okay to take a sermon
  • 00:20:36.100 --> 00:20:38.010
  • and say I need to grow in this.
  • 00:20:38.010 --> 00:20:39.150
  • I've been easily irritated about a lot of stuff.
  • 00:20:39.150 --> 00:20:41.070
  • If you're getting easily upset,
  • 00:20:41.070 --> 00:20:43.230
  • what does this have to do with my walk with God?
  • 00:20:43.230 --> 00:20:46.060
  • Everything, this Bible is full of stories
  • 00:20:46.060 --> 00:20:50.010
  • about angry people.
  • 00:20:50.010 --> 00:20:51.160
  • In fact, the second sin in the Bible
  • 00:20:51.160 --> 00:20:53.250
  • is about an angry brother named Cain,
  • 00:20:53.250 --> 00:20:56.240
  • who just couldn't control his anger against Abel.
  • 00:20:56.240 --> 00:20:59.150
  • And the ultimate act of anger is murder,
  • 00:20:59.150 --> 00:21:02.250
  • and we're seeing this happening right now in 2019.
  • 00:21:02.250 --> 00:21:05.110
  • This is the State of the Union Address.
  • 00:21:05.110 --> 00:21:07.180
  • Marriage is under attack.
  • 00:21:07.180 --> 00:21:09.210
  • There are more and more insane situations
  • 00:21:09.210 --> 00:21:13.150
  • flying up in the news right now between married people
  • 00:21:13.150 --> 00:21:16.150
  • than there ever have been.
  • 00:21:16.150 --> 00:21:17.230
  • The enemy wants to destroy the union.
  • 00:21:17.230 --> 00:21:20.080
  • The enemy wants to destroy the covenant that God instituted
  • 00:21:20.080 --> 00:21:23.230
  • between a man and a woman for life,
  • 00:21:23.230 --> 00:21:26.270
  • and the church is gonna fight back.
  • 00:21:26.270 --> 00:21:28.150
  • As for me and my house,
  • 00:21:28.150 --> 00:21:29.220
  • we're gonna stand on God's word for marriage.
  • 00:21:29.220 --> 00:21:32.250
  • (congregation applauding)
  • 00:21:32.250 --> 00:21:34.030
  • Which means that I gotta preach truth
  • 00:21:34.030 --> 00:21:35.230
  • and the Bible says, "It's better to receive a rebuke
  • 00:21:35.230 --> 00:21:38.250
  • "from a friend than hidden love."
  • 00:21:38.250 --> 00:21:41.110
  • When a friend comes to me and says,
  • 00:21:41.110 --> 00:21:42.120
  • Paul, this is not good.
  • 00:21:42.120 --> 00:21:44.270
  • I love you too much to let you operate in this behavior
  • 00:21:44.270 --> 00:21:48.260
  • and you think it's okay.
  • 00:21:48.260 --> 00:21:51.010
  • Who in your life can call you out?
  • 00:21:51.010 --> 00:21:52.180
  • Who in your life can say hey listen,
  • 00:21:52.180 --> 00:21:53.260
  • you've had a real short fuse lately.
  • 00:21:53.260 --> 00:21:55.220
  • You've been easily offended.
  • 00:21:55.220 --> 00:21:57.150
  • You've been offended about every little thing.
  • 00:21:57.150 --> 00:21:59.030
  • And right now our nation is just getting easily
  • 00:21:59.030 --> 00:22:01.120
  • offended about a whole lot of stuff every single day.
  • 00:22:01.120 --> 00:22:03.260
  • I'm offended about this.
  • 00:22:03.260 --> 00:22:04.230
  • I'm offended about that.
  • 00:22:04.230 --> 00:22:06.100
  • What if we made a decision, you know what I'm gonna stop
  • 00:22:06.100 --> 00:22:08.170
  • getting easily irritated and offended
  • 00:22:08.170 --> 00:22:10.190
  • and feel constantly picked on in every little way.
  • 00:22:10.190 --> 00:22:13.290
  • We've got to rise up and choose.
  • 00:22:13.290 --> 00:22:15.220
  • I'm going to control my anger.
  • 00:22:15.220 --> 00:22:17.290
  • I'm gonna control those areas.
  • 00:22:17.290 --> 00:22:19.080
  • The Bible says, "You will get angry."
  • 00:22:19.080 --> 00:22:21.010
  • Anger is part of life
  • 00:22:21.010 --> 00:22:22.110
  • and it's not a bad thing to feel anger.
  • 00:22:22.110 --> 00:22:24.030
  • It is a bad thing to stay angry.
  • 00:22:24.030 --> 00:22:26.020
  • To carry it into the next day and the next day
  • 00:22:26.020 --> 00:22:28.070
  • and to take it out in violent ways
  • 00:22:28.070 --> 00:22:30.170
  • or verbally abusive ways.
  • 00:22:30.170 --> 00:22:32.260
  • All right, next point.
  • 00:22:32.260 --> 00:22:34.120
  • Number thirteen, when blaming becomes the regular response.
  • 00:22:34.120 --> 00:22:37.250
  • When anytime there's something called out
  • 00:22:39.010 --> 00:22:40.240
  • and it's always someone else's fault.
  • 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:43.110
  • Why did you say that?
  • 00:22:43.110 --> 00:22:44.090
  • Well, it's the dog's fault.
  • 00:22:44.090 --> 00:22:46.110
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:22:46.110 --> 00:22:47.230
  • This started in the beginning too with Adam and Eve.
  • 00:22:47.230 --> 00:22:50.040
  • Marriage was created by God
  • 00:22:50.040 --> 00:22:51.210
  • before there was any sin and any darkness.
  • 00:22:51.210 --> 00:22:53.150
  • He created Adam and he created Eve
  • 00:22:53.150 --> 00:22:55.140
  • and he said, "The two shall become one."
  • 00:22:55.140 --> 00:22:57.110
  • Marriage was God's idea.
  • 00:22:57.110 --> 00:22:59.030
  • Then the serpent crept in, deceived Eve.
  • 00:22:59.030 --> 00:23:02.010
  • Eve then convinced Adam to take from the tree
  • 00:23:02.010 --> 00:23:04.140
  • that God said, "Don't eat from."
  • 00:23:04.140 --> 00:23:06.020
  • Then God shows up and says, "What happened?"
  • 00:23:06.020 --> 00:23:08.080
  • And Adam says, "It wasn't me."
  • 00:23:08.080 --> 00:23:10.160
  • (congregation laughing)
  • 00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:11.230
  • It wasn't me and now we got songs about it.
  • 00:23:11.230 --> 00:23:13.050
  • It wasn't me.
  • 00:23:13.050 --> 00:23:14.180
  • It was her.
  • 00:23:14.180 --> 00:23:15.260
  • It wasn't me, it was her.
  • 00:23:15.260 --> 00:23:17.020
  • And she goes, "It wasn't me, it was him.
  • 00:23:17.020 --> 00:23:18.210
  • "It was the serpent.
  • 00:23:18.210 --> 00:23:19.160
  • "It was the snake."
  • 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:21.000
  • And now today, it's always someone else's fault.
  • 00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:23.110
  • It's the dog's fault.
  • 00:23:23.110 --> 00:23:24.210
  • Well, if we wouldn't have bought this house,
  • 00:23:24.210 --> 00:23:26.050
  • I wouldn't be like this.
  • 00:23:26.050 --> 00:23:27.110
  • If you wouldn't have bought that car,
  • 00:23:27.110 --> 00:23:28.260
  • I wouldn't be like this.
  • 00:23:28.260 --> 00:23:30.040
  • If you wouldn't have put the kids in that school,
  • 00:23:30.040 --> 00:23:31.060
  • I wouldn't be like this.
  • 00:23:31.060 --> 00:23:32.070
  • If you would have done that
  • 00:23:32.070 --> 00:23:33.110
  • and if your Dad wouldn't have said that
  • 00:23:33.110 --> 00:23:34.160
  • and if your Mom wouldn't have done that
  • 00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:36.000
  • and if your mother-in-law and blah, blah, blah.
  • 00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:37.240
  • When are we gonna own and be responsible
  • 00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:40.010
  • for our behavior and our actions and our language?
  • 00:23:40.010 --> 00:23:43.110
  • The buck stops with me.
  • 00:23:43.110 --> 00:23:45.290
  • (congregation applauding)
  • 00:23:45.290 --> 00:23:47.010
  • One of the greatest revelations
  • 00:23:47.010 --> 00:23:48.200
  • that can happen in this series is to own
  • 00:23:48.200 --> 00:23:51.030
  • what's happening in our life
  • 00:23:51.030 --> 00:23:52.230
  • and to stop blaming it on everyone else.
  • 00:23:52.230 --> 00:23:56.220
  • Hey, I pray that message spoke to you,
  • 00:23:56.220 --> 00:23:58.130
  • encouraged you and reminded you that God has a plan
  • 00:23:58.130 --> 00:24:01.180
  • for your relationships, for your marriage.
  • 00:24:01.180 --> 00:24:04.040
  • Whether you're single or married or divorced or widowed,
  • 00:24:04.040 --> 00:24:07.040
  • God wants to use the words you heard today
  • 00:24:07.040 --> 00:24:09.190
  • to strength the relationships that you have.
  • 00:24:09.190 --> 00:24:12.080
  • The relationship that you have
  • 00:24:12.080 --> 00:24:14.030
  • with the person that you love.
  • 00:24:14.030 --> 00:24:15.190
  • That there would be no red flags
  • 00:24:15.190 --> 00:24:17.040
  • that you would be able to have trust and peace
  • 00:24:17.040 --> 00:24:19.150
  • and conversations about the tough things
  • 00:24:19.150 --> 00:24:22.020
  • that you would be able to work through things
  • 00:24:22.020 --> 00:24:23.280
  • and not throw in the towel and quit.
  • 00:24:23.280 --> 00:24:26.070
  • God wants to give us a heart of mercy, a heart of love.
  • 00:24:26.070 --> 00:24:29.050
  • To be able to forgive the people who've hurt us.
  • 00:24:29.050 --> 00:24:31.130
  • Maybe you've walked through pain
  • 00:24:31.130 --> 00:24:32.200
  • and you feel betrayed and you're wondering
  • 00:24:32.200 --> 00:24:34.150
  • could I even trust another person again.
  • 00:24:34.150 --> 00:24:37.130
  • I wanna encourage you with this.
  • 00:24:37.130 --> 00:24:38.190
  • God's love is big enough to heal your heart,
  • 00:24:38.190 --> 00:24:41.030
  • to change your heart
  • 00:24:41.030 --> 00:24:42.100
  • and to give you that ability to love again,
  • 00:24:42.100 --> 00:24:44.140
  • to trust again.
  • 00:24:44.140 --> 00:24:45.280
  • Why don't you say this prayer with me right now.
  • 00:24:45.280 --> 00:24:47.130
  • Just say Jesus, I choose to trust you.
  • 00:24:47.130 --> 00:24:51.080
  • I choose to receive your love
  • 00:24:51.080 --> 00:24:53.260
  • and your forgiveness in my life.
  • 00:24:53.260 --> 00:24:56.070
  • And Lord, I choose to forgive those who have hurt me,
  • 00:24:56.070 --> 00:24:59.250
  • those who have betrayed me.
  • 00:24:59.250 --> 00:25:01.230
  • Lord, my future is in your hands
  • 00:25:01.230 --> 00:25:03.240
  • in Jesus name, amen.
  • 00:25:03.240 --> 00:25:06.050
  • Hey, we wanna be here for you.
  • 00:25:06.050 --> 00:25:07.160
  • If there is anything we can do, let us know.
  • 00:25:07.160 --> 00:25:09.160
  • Call the number at the bottom of the screen.
  • 00:25:09.160 --> 00:25:11.180
  • Email us at info@victory.com.
  • 00:25:11.180 --> 00:25:14.010
  • We'll get back to you whether it's a prayer request
  • 00:25:14.010 --> 00:25:16.050
  • or praise report.
  • 00:25:16.050 --> 00:25:17.190
  • Whether it's something going on in your marriage
  • 00:25:17.190 --> 00:25:19.060
  • that we can help give some counsel
  • 00:25:19.060 --> 00:25:20.280
  • or just prayers to we wanna do that.
  • 00:25:20.280 --> 00:25:23.110
  • You could find this sermon online
  • 00:25:23.110 --> 00:25:25.050
  • and all the whole series and all of the sermons I preach
  • 00:25:25.050 --> 00:25:28.030
  • right at victory.com.
  • 00:25:28.030 --> 00:25:29.220
  • You can also find guest speaker messages right there.
  • 00:25:29.220 --> 00:25:32.110
  • We wanna be a resource for you to help you grow spiritually.
  • 00:25:32.110 --> 00:25:35.120
  • If you're ever in Tulsa,
  • 00:25:35.120 --> 00:25:36.190
  • come experience a live service at Victory.
  • 00:25:36.190 --> 00:25:39.080
  • We'll make you feel right at home.
  • 00:25:39.080 --> 00:25:40.240
  • You can also stream our services every week.
  • 00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:43.050
  • We have our live services on Sunday, Saturday
  • 00:25:43.050 --> 00:25:45.120
  • and Wednesday at victory.com.
  • 00:25:45.120 --> 00:25:47.200
  • If this message impacted you
  • 00:25:47.200 --> 00:25:49.050
  • or this ministry has impacted you in some way,
  • 00:25:49.050 --> 00:25:51.230
  • consider sowing a seed financially into Victory
  • 00:25:51.230 --> 00:25:55.020
  • and help us reach more people with God's love.
  • 00:25:55.020 --> 00:25:57.180
  • This ministry is touching lives around the world
  • 00:25:57.180 --> 00:25:59.290
  • and we can't do it without your support.
  • 00:25:59.290 --> 00:26:02.150
  • So for those who have given, we just wanna say thank you.
  • 00:26:02.150 --> 00:26:05.070
  • And to everyone out there, never forget your best days
  • 00:26:05.070 --> 00:26:08.010
  • are right in front of you.
  • 00:26:08.010 --> 00:26:09.110
  • - [Announcer] Did you enjoy Pastor Paul's message today?
  • 00:26:10.250 --> 00:26:12.250
  • You can listen to Pastor Paul's message
  • 00:26:12.250 --> 00:26:14.270
  • and experience victory anytime
  • 00:26:14.270 --> 00:26:17.120
  • through our mobile victory app in the app store.
  • 00:26:17.120 --> 00:26:19.280
  • You'll be able to hear and watch all of Pastor Paul's
  • 00:26:19.280 --> 00:26:22.280
  • most popular messages and series on topics
  • 00:26:22.280 --> 00:26:25.220
  • like faith, forgiveness, love and relationships.
  • 00:26:25.220 --> 00:26:29.120
  • You don't have to wait for Pastor Paul's messages
  • 00:26:29.120 --> 00:26:31.200
  • to broadcast on TV before you can see them.
  • 00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:34.030
  • When you have the app, you can listen to Victory every day.
  • 00:26:34.030 --> 00:26:37.180
  • When you're working out, traveling to work
  • 00:26:37.180 --> 00:26:39.280
  • or just hanging out.
  • 00:26:39.280 --> 00:26:41.110
  • You can just go to the app store and type in Victory Tulsa.
  • 00:26:41.110 --> 00:26:45.150
  • It will pop right up.
  • 00:26:45.150 --> 00:26:47.000
  • When you download it, you'll be able to watch or listen
  • 00:26:47.000 --> 00:26:49.280
  • to the most current messages or the messages
  • 00:26:49.280 --> 00:26:52.140
  • from the very beginning.
  • 00:26:52.140 --> 00:26:53.240
  • You can also follow our daily Bible reading plan
  • 00:26:53.240 --> 00:26:56.160
  • where you can read God's word every day
  • 00:26:56.160 --> 00:26:59.090
  • or you can watch us live anywhere in the world.
  • 00:26:59.090 --> 00:27:02.090
  • Go online from your computer
  • 00:27:02.090 --> 00:27:03.250
  • or phone right now to download it.
  • 00:27:03.250 --> 00:27:06.080
  • Get the app now.
  • 00:27:06.080 --> 00:27:07.150
  • Victory app is available in the app store.
  • 00:27:07.150 --> 00:27:10.000
  • - [Announcer] Thank you for watching.
  • 00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:13.080
  • This program is made possible by the generous donations
  • 00:27:13.080 --> 00:27:16.020
  • of our television partners and friends.
  • 00:27:16.020 --> 00:27:18.110
  • (uptempo piano music)
  • 00:27:18.110 --> 00:27:21.180