Praise | February 12, 2018 | TBN

Praise | February 12, 2018

Watch Praise | February 12, 2018
February 12, 2018
57:41

Matt & Laurie Crouch host The Spark Conference in Houston Texas with Joel & Victoria Osteen, John & Aventer Gray, Clayton & Ashlee Hurst and Les & Leslie Parrott.

Closed captions

Praise | February 12, 2018

Show timecode
Hide timecode
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:00:00.180 --> 00:00:02.010
  • - FEMALE ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON PRAISE ...
  • 00:00:02.030 --> 00:00:03.140
  • - MATT CROUCH: IT'S SPARK CONFERENCE, LAKEWOOD CHURCH.
  • 00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:05.240
  • - DR. LESLIE PARROTT: I WAS MAD.
  • 00:00:05.260 --> 00:00:07.000
  • WHAT AM I DOING HIS LAUNDRY FOR?
  • 00:00:07.020 --> 00:00:08.060
  • HE SHOULD BE DOING MY LAUNDRY RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:10.020
  • I WORK JUST AS HARD AS I AM.
  • 00:00:10.040 --> 00:00:11.160
  • - DR. LES PARROTT: WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE?
  • 00:00:11.180 --> 00:00:13.100
  • - ANNOUNCER: IT'S THE BATTLE OF THE SPOUSES.
  • 00:00:13.120 --> 00:00:15.000
  • - WE HAVE ALL KINDS OF FIGHTS.
  • 00:00:15.020 --> 00:00:16.040
  • - YES.
  • 00:00:16.060 --> 00:00:16.280
  • - WE HAVE GOOD FIGHTS.
  • 00:00:17.000 --> 00:00:18.090
  • - AVENTER GRAY: SOMETIMES JOHN GETS ON MY NERVES A LOT.
  • 00:00:18.110 --> 00:00:20.040
  • - JOHN GRAY: BUT YOU CAN'T STAY MAD AT ME BECAUSE
  • 00:00:20.060 --> 00:00:21.120
  • I MAKE YOU LAUGH.
  • 00:00:21.140 --> 00:00:22.140
  • - BUT I CAN'T STAY MAD TOO LONG.
  • 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:23.130
  • - WE HAVE BAD FIGHTS.
  • 00:00:23.150 --> 00:00:25.090
  • - THE OTHER DAY I NOTICED THAT HAD SHE PUT THIS RACK THING --
  • 00:00:25.110 --> 00:00:28.160
  • - LAURIE CROUCH: HERE WE GO.
  • 00:00:28.180 --> 00:00:29.160
  • - AND THEN WE HAVE DUMB FIGHTS.
  • 00:00:29.180 --> 00:00:30.280
  • - JOEL OSTEEN: VICTORIA DRIVES DIFFERENTLY THAN I DRIVE.
  • 00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:33.020
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:00:33.040 --> 00:00:35.000
  • - WHY IN THE WORLD DO WE FIGHT WITH THE PERSON
  • 00:00:35.020 --> 00:00:37.070
  • THAT WE LOVE THE MOST ON THIS PLANET?
  • 00:00:37.090 --> 00:00:39.020
  • - ANNOUNCER: FIND OUT HOW TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT
  • 00:00:39.040 --> 00:00:41.210
  • IN YOUR MARRIAGE WITH DOCTOR LES AND LESLIE PARROT.
  • 00:00:41.230 --> 00:00:43.170
  • - I'M LESLIE, AND SHE'S LESLIE, AND IT'S JUST THE
  • 00:00:43.190 --> 00:00:46.170
  • WAY GOD PLANNED IT FOR US.
  • 00:00:46.190 --> 00:00:48.080
  • - ANNOUNCER: AN ALL NEW PRAISE STARTS RIGHT NOW!
  • 00:00:48.100 --> 00:00:50.230
  • [ FIGHT BELL RINGS ]
  • 00:00:50.250 --> 00:00:51.230
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:00:51.250 --> 00:01:05.090
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:01:05.090 --> 00:01:14.050
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:01:14.070 --> 00:01:18.120
  • - MATT CROUCH: FIRST OF ALL, WE WANT TO WELCOME YOU.
  • 00:01:18.140 --> 00:01:21.190
  • WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE TODAY.
  • 00:01:21.210 --> 00:01:24.050
  • WE HAVE A WHOLE BUNCH OF THE LAKEWOOD FOLK.
  • 00:01:24.070 --> 00:01:27.160
  • JOHN AND AVENTER, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:01:27.180 --> 00:01:30.260
  • HOW DOES IT WORK FOR YOU GUYS?
  • 00:01:30.280 --> 00:01:32.230
  • - JOHN GRAY: YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I WAS DOING WELL
  • 00:01:32.250 --> 00:01:34.160
  • BEING SINGLE.
  • 00:01:34.180 --> 00:01:36.050
  • 37 YEARS IN SINGLENESS, BUT THERE WAS A SCRIPTURE
  • 00:01:36.070 --> 00:01:39.270
  • THAT SAID, "HE THAT FIND A WIFE FIND A GOOD THING
  • 00:01:39.290 --> 00:01:42.030
  • AND OBTAINS FAVOR FROM THE LORD."
  • 00:01:42.050 --> 00:01:44.210
  • I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD BY MYSELF, BUT WHEN
  • 00:01:44.230 --> 00:01:46.150
  • I FOUND MY FAVOR SIX AND A HALF YEARS AGO --
  • 00:01:46.170 --> 00:01:49.090
  • - MATT CROUCH: COME ON NOW!
  • 00:01:49.110 --> 00:01:50.140
  • - MY LIFE WENT TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL.
  • 00:01:50.160 --> 00:01:52.040
  • [ APPLAUSE ] GOD BLESSED ME WITH WITH A WOMAN WITH SO MANY
  • 00:01:52.060 --> 00:01:54.210
  • GIFTS, SO MANY TALENTS, SUCH AN AMAZING HEART, AND WHO
  • 00:01:54.230 --> 00:01:57.250
  • I WAS AS AN INDIVIDUAL, HER GIFTS ALLOWED ME TO
  • 00:01:57.270 --> 00:02:01.230
  • BECOME FAR MORE IMPACTING AND FAR MORE LAYERED THAN
  • 00:02:01.250 --> 00:02:06.080
  • I EVER WAS BEFORE.
  • 00:02:06.100 --> 00:02:07.180
  • I'M A BETTER MAN BECAUSE I CHOSE THE RIGHT ONE,
  • 00:02:07.200 --> 00:02:10.050
  • AND I GOT FAVOR WHEN I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION.
  • 00:02:10.070 --> 00:02:12.140
  • MARRIAGE CHANGED EVERYTHING, AND THERE'S
  • 00:02:12.160 --> 00:02:13.290
  • NOTHING MORE POWERFUL IN THE EARTH THAN A
  • 00:02:14.010 --> 00:02:16.030
  • BIBLE-BASED, CHRIST- CENTERED MARRIAGE.
  • 00:02:16.050 --> 00:02:18.080
  • THE DEVIL IS AFRAID OF IT AND THE EARTH IS IN NEED
  • 00:02:18.100 --> 00:02:20.010
  • OF IT.
  • 00:02:20.030 --> 00:02:21.010
  • - MATT CROUCH: COME ON!
  • 00:02:21.030 --> 00:02:21.220
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:24.090
  • JOEL OSTEEN, COME ON.
  • 00:02:24.110 --> 00:02:25.120
  • TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE FOR A SECOND.
  • 00:02:25.140 --> 00:02:27.030
  • - JOEL OSTEEN: WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:02:27.050 --> 00:02:28.260
  • I CAN SAY LIKE JOHN, TOGETHER WE'RE STRONGER.
  • 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:30.160
  • THE SCRIPTURE SAYS, YOU KNOW, ONE CAN CHASE A
  • 00:02:30.180 --> 00:02:33.190
  • THOUSAND, TWO CAN PUT 10.000 TO FLIGHT, AND I
  • 00:02:33.210 --> 00:02:35.170
  • JUST BELIEVE TOGETHER WE'RE TEN TIMES STRONGER,
  • 00:02:35.190 --> 00:02:38.090
  • SO WE JUST BELIEVE IN STRENGTHENING OUR
  • 00:02:38.110 --> 00:02:40.010
  • MARRIAGE AND NOT LETTING THINGS TEAR US APART, BIG
  • 00:02:40.030 --> 00:02:41.280
  • THINGS, LITTLE THINGS.
  • 00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:43.140
  • GOD HAS US IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND, AND WHEN WE
  • 00:02:43.160 --> 00:02:45.240
  • HONOR HIM AND HONOR THE PERSON GOD'S PUT IN OUR
  • 00:02:45.260 --> 00:02:48.150
  • LIF, LIFE E GOES BETTER, AND THAT'S HOW YOU REACH THE
  • 00:02:48.170 --> 00:02:50.120
  • FULLNESS OF YOUR DESTINY TOGETHER.
  • 00:02:50.140 --> 00:02:53.060
  • - CLAYTON, JUST A THOUGHT ON THE MARRIAGE
  • 00:02:53.080 --> 00:02:55.020
  • [ APPLAUSE ] AND THE IMPORTANCE OF WHAT WE'RE
  • 00:02:55.040 --> 00:02:57.000
  • DOING WITH SPARK CONFERENCE.
  • 00:02:57.020 --> 00:02:58.220
  • - CLAYTON HURST: WELL, WE STARTED PLANNING FOR
  • 00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:01.130
  • SPARK OVER TWO YEARS, AND WE WANTED TO BRING THE
  • 00:03:01.150 --> 00:03:03.150
  • BEST OF THE BEST, GREATEST COMMUNICATORS,
  • 00:03:03.170 --> 00:03:05.180
  • GREATEST MARRIAGE EXPERTS TOGETHER BECAUSE IT'S
  • 00:03:05.200 --> 00:03:08.000
  • SOMETHING THAT WE WISH WE COULD HAVE GLEANED FROM
  • 00:03:08.020 --> 00:03:10.030
  • EARLY ON IN OUR MARRIAGE, BUT THE ONE THING THAT WE
  • 00:03:10.050 --> 00:03:11.280
  • DID DECIDE EARLY ON WAS THAT WE WERE IN IT
  • 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:15.070
  • UNTIL THE END.
  • 00:03:15.090 --> 00:03:16.200
  • WE WERE IN IT UNTIL ONE OF US TOOK OUR LAST
  • 00:03:16.220 --> 00:03:17.290
  • BREATH, SO EVEN THOUGH THINGS MIGHT HAVE BEEN
  • 00:03:18.010 --> 00:03:20.060
  • CHALLENGING THROUGH OUR MARRIAGE, WE KNEW THAT WE
  • 00:03:20.080 --> 00:03:22.250
  • WERE GOING TO STAY WITH EACH OTHER ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
  • 00:03:22.270 --> 00:03:24.230
  • - ASHLEE CLAYTON: THAT'S RIGHT IS, AND THERE'S THE
  • 00:03:24.250 --> 00:03:26.080
  • SONG ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE, LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.
  • 00:03:26.100 --> 00:03:27.240
  • I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE.
  • 00:03:27.260 --> 00:03:28.250
  • I THINK YOU NEED KNOWLEDGE, TOO.
  • 00:03:28.270 --> 00:03:30.020
  • THERE'S A SCRIPTURE, PROVERBS 24: 3 THAT SAYS
  • 00:03:30.040 --> 00:03:32.290
  • WISDOM BUILDS A HOUSE.
  • 00:03:33.010 --> 00:03:35.050
  • A GOOD HOUSE IS BUILT ON WISDOM, AND KNOWLEDGE
  • 00:03:35.070 --> 00:03:38.110
  • FILLS THE ROOMS WITH JEWELS AND TREASURES, AND
  • 00:03:38.130 --> 00:03:41.150
  • THAT'S WHAT WE WANT TO DO AT SPARK CONFERENCE.
  • 00:03:41.170 --> 00:03:43.230
  • WE WANT TO GIVE YOU MORE KNOWLEDGE.
  • 00:03:43.250 --> 00:03:45.070
  • WE WANT TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND THE
  • 00:03:45.090 --> 00:03:46.250
  • DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN, SO WE WANT TO
  • 00:03:46.270 --> 00:03:49.020
  • GIVE COUPLES ALL THESE TOOLS TO MAKE THEIR
  • 00:03:49.040 --> 00:03:51.170
  • MARRIAGE BETTER AND STRONGER, AND WHAT GOD
  • 00:03:51.190 --> 00:03:54.140
  • INTENDED IT TO BE.
  • 00:03:54.160 --> 00:03:56.060
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:03:56.080 --> 00:03:57.180
  • - IN THE AUDIENCE HERE, FIRST OF ALL, SMILE AND
  • 00:03:57.200 --> 00:03:58.270
  • WAVE TO YOUR AUNTIES AND TO YOUR UNCLES.
  • 00:03:58.290 --> 00:04:00.270
  • THERE'S CAMERAS ALL OVER THIS STUDIO, SO SMILE
  • 00:04:00.290 --> 00:04:03.240
  • WHETHER YOU HAVE TEETH OR NOT.
  • 00:04:03.260 --> 00:04:06.060
  • COME ON, REAL BIG SMILE.
  • 00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:07.120
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:07.140 --> 00:04:08.230
  • AND WE ARE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:04:08.250 --> 00:04:12.060
  • WE'RE TALKING ABOUT -- IF YOU'RE SINGLE, IF YOU'RE
  • 00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:14.130
  • MARRIED, THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, THE
  • 00:04:14.150 --> 00:04:16.120
  • SUBJECT MATTER OF MARRIAGE IS SUPER IMPORTANT.
  • 00:04:16.140 --> 00:04:19.040
  • IT'S SPARK CONFERENCE LAKEWOOD CHURCH.
  • 00:04:19.060 --> 00:04:21.110
  • WATCH THIS.
  • 00:04:21.130 --> 00:04:22.250
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:04:22.270 --> 00:04:25.050
  • - WHY ARE WE ATTENDING SPARK?
  • 00:04:25.070 --> 00:04:26.130
  • - I DON'T KNOW.
  • 00:04:26.150 --> 00:04:27.110
  • WHY ARE WE ATTENDING SPARK?
  • 00:04:27.130 --> 00:04:28.170
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:28.190 --> 00:04:32.120
  • - SO THAT HE CAN BE EVEN BETTER AS A HUSBAND.
  • 00:04:32.140 --> 00:04:34.180
  • THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
  • 00:04:34.200 --> 00:04:36.020
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:36.040 --> 00:04:37.030
  • - I'M NOT -I'M SWEATING.
  • 00:04:37.050 --> 00:04:39.080
  • - I THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE MORE SEXUAL ONE IN
  • 00:04:39.100 --> 00:04:41.270
  • THE RELATIONSHIP, BUT AS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS EVOLVED --
  • 00:04:41.290 --> 00:04:45.160
  • - A LOT OF PRESSURE IN THIS ROOM.
  • 00:04:45.180 --> 00:04:47.270
  • THESE LIGHTS ARE GETTING HOT.
  • 00:04:47.290 --> 00:04:49.030
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:49.050 --> 00:04:50.160
  • - I THINK I'M FINDING THAT WE'RE PRETTY EQUAL
  • 00:04:50.180 --> 00:04:53.050
  • WHEN IT COMES TO BEING SEXUAL.
  • 00:04:53.070 --> 00:04:54.280
  • - WOW!
  • 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:56.050
  • I EVEN FORGOT THE QUESTION.
  • 00:04:56.070 --> 00:04:57.110
  • WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?
  • 00:04:57.130 --> 00:04:58.200
  • - SO WHAT DID YOU TELL ME I COULD SAY?
  • 00:04:58.220 --> 00:05:00.140
  • - WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?
  • 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:03.010
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:03.030 --> 00:05:04.090
  • - WHO DOESN'T HAVE AN END TABLE IN YOUR BEDROOM?
  • 00:05:04.110 --> 00:05:06.170
  • LIKE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP YOUR LAMP?
  • 00:05:06.190 --> 00:05:09.010
  • - YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
  • 00:05:09.030 --> 00:05:10.140
  • - ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:05:10.160 --> 00:05:11.100
  • WE'LL SEE HOW THAT GOES.
  • 00:05:11.120 --> 00:05:16.020
  • - HE FARTS EVERY MORNING BEFORE HE GETS OUT OF BED.
  • 00:05:16.040 --> 00:05:17.290
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:18.010 --> 00:05:20.080
  • - IT WAS SUCH A SILLY ARGUMENT.
  • 00:05:20.100 --> 00:05:23.130
  • I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE THAT YOU REMEMBER IT.
  • 00:05:23.150 --> 00:05:26.110
  • - THAT ONE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE IT, BUT THAT WAS
  • 00:05:26.130 --> 00:05:28.110
  • THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF.
  • 00:05:28.130 --> 00:05:30.180
  • SO INAPPROPRIATE, BUT WHATEVER.
  • 00:05:30.200 --> 00:05:32.040
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:32.060 --> 00:05:34.050
  • - YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE
  • 00:05:34.070 --> 00:05:35.170
  • SEX ON DEMAND.
  • 00:05:35.190 --> 00:05:37.010
  • THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT YOU THOUGHT.
  • 00:05:37.030 --> 00:05:38.200
  • - YOU CAN'T TELL THEM THAT.
  • 00:05:38.220 --> 00:05:40.140
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:40.160 --> 00:05:41.230
  • - THE ONE THING I REALLY LIKED ABOUT VALERIE WAS
  • 00:05:41.250 --> 00:05:42.270
  • HER FORTHRIGHTNESS.
  • 00:05:42.290 --> 00:05:45.130
  • SHE WAS VERY BLUNT.
  • 00:05:45.150 --> 00:05:47.110
  • AND IN CONVERSATION SHE WOULD JUST SPEAK HER MIND
  • 00:05:47.130 --> 00:05:49.040
  • AND THAT WAS GREAT.
  • 00:05:49.060 --> 00:05:49.260
  • LOVED IT.
  • 00:05:49.280 --> 00:05:51.190
  • - WHICH WAY ARE YOU GOING?
  • 00:05:51.210 --> 00:05:52.210
  • - THIS WAY.
  • 00:05:52.230 --> 00:05:53.170
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:53.190 --> 00:05:55.030
  • - WELL, NOT NECESSARILY ON DEMAND, BUT I DIDN'T
  • 00:05:55.050 --> 00:05:58.260
  • THINK I'D HAVE TO WORK SO HARD.
  • 00:05:58.280 --> 00:06:00.020
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:01.220
  • DO NOT USE THAT.
  • 00:06:01.240 --> 00:06:03.010
  • THAT SHOULD END UP IN THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR.
  • 00:06:03.030 --> 00:06:05.210
  • - THEN WE GOT MARRIED, AND SHE SPOKE HER MIND
  • 00:06:05.230 --> 00:06:07.100
  • AND TYPICALLY IT WAS DIRECTED TOWARD ME.
  • 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:09.190
  • - I MIGHT NEED A RIDE HOME.
  • 00:06:09.210 --> 00:06:11.050
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:06:11.070 --> 00:06:13.200
  • - IF YOU DON'T FEED YOUR MARRIAGE BY GOING TO
  • 00:06:13.220 --> 00:06:15.190
  • THINGS LIKE SPARK, GOING TO MARRIAGE CLASSES, YOU
  • 00:06:15.210 --> 00:06:18.160
  • KNOW, READING THE BOOKS AND STUFF, YOU STARVE
  • 00:06:18.180 --> 00:06:20.040
  • YOUR MARRIAGE, AND YOUR MARRIAGE JUST WITHERS
  • 00:06:20.060 --> 00:06:22.100
  • ON THE VINE.
  • 00:06:22.120 --> 00:06:23.180
  • - IN MARRIAGE YOU GOT TO CONSISTENTLY DIE TO
  • 00:06:23.200 --> 00:06:25.040
  • YOURSELF AND LOOK AFTER THE OTHER PERSON.
  • 00:06:25.060 --> 00:06:27.140
  • - HE'S THE ONE WITH THE GOOD ANSWERS.
  • 00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:30.060
  • - THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO JUST FEED MORE AND
  • 00:06:30.080 --> 00:06:32.160
  • MORE INTO OUR MARRIAGE AND HAVE THE TOOLS AND
  • 00:06:32.180 --> 00:06:35.020
  • RESOURCES WE NEED TO CREATE A
  • 00:06:35.040 --> 00:06:37.030
  • MIRACULOUS MARRIAGE.
  • 00:06:37.050 --> 00:06:39.030
  • - I'M NOT EVEN SURE WE WOULD BE MARRIED STILL TO
  • 00:06:39.050 --> 00:06:41.150
  • BE HONEST WITH YOU, AND SO I'M VERY THANKFUL THAT
  • 00:06:41.170 --> 00:06:45.180
  • WE HAVE THIS AVAILABLE, AND I BELIEVE EVERYBODY
  • 00:06:45.200 --> 00:06:47.290
  • SHOULD BE HERE REALLY.
  • 00:06:48.010 --> 00:06:50.140
  • WE ALL NEED HELP.
  • 00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:51.230
  • WE'RE GOING ON 40 YEARS, AND WE STILL NEED HELP.
  • 00:06:51.250 --> 00:06:54.050
  • - NEED LOTS OF HELP.
  • 00:06:54.070 --> 00:06:56.290
  • - THIS HUSBAND AND WIFE TEAM HAS SO MUCH WISDOM,
  • 00:06:59.140 --> 00:07:01.100
  • SO MUCH KNOWLEDGE.
  • 00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:02.190
  • THEY'RE GOING TO REVOLUTIONIZE THE WAY YOU
  • 00:07:02.210 --> 00:07:04.180
  • SEE ONE ANOTHER.
  • 00:07:04.200 --> 00:07:05.270
  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE PLATFORM
  • 00:07:05.290 --> 00:07:08.030
  • DOCTORS LES AND LESLIE PARROTT.
  • 00:07:08.050 --> 00:07:10.090
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:07:10.110 --> 00:07:12.000
  • - DOCTOR LES PARROTT: HOW ABOUT LIKE NEWLYWEDS,
  • 00:07:12.020 --> 00:07:13.230
  • YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED LIKE LESS THAN A YEAR?
  • 00:07:13.250 --> 00:07:15.180
  • STAND UP IN IF YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED LESS THAN A YEAR.
  • 00:07:15.200 --> 00:07:17.170
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:07:17.190 --> 00:07:19.150
  • - DOCTOR LESLIE PARROTT: THAT'S GREAT.
  • 00:07:19.170 --> 00:07:20.100
  • LOOK AT THAT.
  • 00:07:20.120 --> 00:07:22.140
  • - KEEP STANDING FOR A SECOND.
  • 00:07:22.160 --> 00:07:25.140
  • IF YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED LESS THAN SIX MONTHS,
  • 00:07:25.160 --> 00:07:27.170
  • KEEP STANDING.
  • 00:07:27.190 --> 00:07:30.070
  • I KNOW YOU'RE DOING THE MATH.
  • 00:07:30.090 --> 00:07:31.120
  • HOW ABOUT LESS THAN THREE MONTHS?
  • 00:07:31.140 --> 00:07:33.290
  • LESS THAN A MONTH?
  • 00:07:34.010 --> 00:07:36.030
  • - OH MY GOODNESS.
  • 00:07:36.050 --> 00:07:37.070
  • LOOK AT THESE NEWBIES.
  • 00:07:37.090 --> 00:07:38.120
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:07:38.140 --> 00:07:40.180
  • - HOW ABOUT -- HELP ME -- HOW ABOUT LESS THAN -- YOU
  • 00:07:40.200 --> 00:07:42.260
  • GUYS LOOK LIKE YOU'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT.
  • 00:07:42.280 --> 00:07:45.250
  • YOU SURE YOU'RE MARRIED?
  • 00:07:45.270 --> 00:07:46.270
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:07:46.290 --> 00:07:48.050
  • ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:07:48.070 --> 00:07:49.170
  • HOW ABOUT LESS THAN TWO WEEKS?
  • 00:07:49.190 --> 00:07:52.000
  • - LOOK AT THAT!
  • 00:07:52.020 --> 00:07:53.180
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:07:53.200 --> 00:07:54.230
  • - HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN MARRIED?
  • 00:07:54.250 --> 00:07:56.270
  • - TWO WEEKS TODAY.
  • 00:07:56.290 --> 00:07:58.020
  • - TWO WEEKS TODAY?
  • 00:07:58.040 --> 00:07:59.090
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:07:59.110 --> 00:08:01.290
  • - THAT IS CLAP WORTHY.
  • 00:08:02.010 --> 00:08:06.040
  • - SHOULD YOU GUYS BE HERE?
  • 00:08:06.060 --> 00:08:08.030
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:08:08.050 --> 00:08:10.060
  • - THAT'S GREAT.
  • 00:08:10.080 --> 00:08:13.030
  • - BEEN MARRIED LESS THAN TWO WEEKS, YOU SAID LET'S
  • 00:08:13.050 --> 00:08:15.040
  • GO TO THAT MARRIAGE THING THEY'RE HAVING AT CHURCH.
  • 00:08:15.060 --> 00:08:16.170
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:08:16.190 --> 00:08:18.010
  • FANTASTIC.
  • 00:08:18.030 --> 00:08:20.040
  • GIVE THEM ANOTHER HAND.
  • 00:08:20.060 --> 00:08:21.020
  • THAT'S INCREDIBLE. WOW.
  • 00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:22.090
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:08:22.110 --> 00:08:24.170
  • - BY THE WAY, WE DO HAVE THE SAME NAME IN CASE YOU
  • 00:08:24.190 --> 00:08:26.260
  • SHOULD CONFUSED.
  • 00:08:26.280 --> 00:08:28.180
  • I'M LESLIE, AND SHE'S LESLIE, AND IT'S JUST THE
  • 00:08:28.200 --> 00:08:30.250
  • WAY GOT PLANNED IT FOR US, AND IT'S EVEN MORE
  • 00:08:30.270 --> 00:08:34.100
  • COMPLICATED BECAUSE I'M THE THIRD.
  • 00:08:34.120 --> 00:08:36.160
  • MY DAD'S NAME IS LESLIE.
  • 00:08:36.180 --> 00:08:38.050
  • MY GRANDFATHER'S NAME IS LESLIE.
  • 00:08:38.070 --> 00:08:41.250
  • I MARRIED A LESLIE.
  • 00:08:41.270 --> 00:08:43.130
  • I'M LESLIE.
  • 00:08:43.150 --> 00:08:45.010
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:08:45.030 --> 00:08:47.060
  • SO WHEN WE HAD OUR FIRST SON [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:08:47.080 --> 00:08:53.110
  • WE NAMED HIM JOHN.
  • 00:08:53.130 --> 00:08:54.210
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:08:54.230 --> 00:08:58.200
  • - JOHN LESLIE.
  • 00:08:58.220 --> 00:08:59.290
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:09:00.030 --> 00:09:03.140
  • WE'RE GOING TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE TASTE OF A BIGGER
  • 00:09:03.160 --> 00:09:06.090
  • EVENT WE DO CALLED FIGHT NIGHT.
  • 00:09:06.110 --> 00:09:08.040
  • - RIGHT.
  • 00:09:08.060 --> 00:09:09.140
  • - IT HAS TWO ROUNDS, CORRECT?
  • 00:09:09.160 --> 00:09:10.200
  • - YES.
  • 00:09:10.220 --> 00:09:12.250
  • - AND THE FIRST ROUND HAS TO DO WITH WHY, WHY
  • 00:09:12.270 --> 00:09:14.030
  • IN THE WORLD DO WE FIGHT WITH THE PERSON WE LOVE
  • 00:09:14.050 --> 00:09:15.190
  • THE MOST ON THIS PLANET?
  • 00:09:15.210 --> 00:09:17.070
  • WHY DOES THAT HAPPEN?
  • 00:09:17.090 --> 00:09:18.160
  • - YEAH, SO MYSTIFYING, AND WE START WITH THAT
  • 00:09:18.180 --> 00:09:19.290
  • WHY BECAUSE WE KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE HUMAN
  • 00:09:20.010 --> 00:09:23.120
  • SPIRIT BECAUSE IT'S NOT UNTIL YOU GET THAT AH-HA
  • 00:09:23.140 --> 00:09:26.260
  • MOMENT OF INSIGHT, I GET WHY THIS HAPPENS TO US,
  • 00:09:26.280 --> 00:09:30.120
  • THAT YOU FIND YOU'RE SORT OF FREED UP IN YOUR
  • 00:09:30.140 --> 00:09:33.020
  • SPIRIT TO MOVE IN A NEW DIRECTION AND REALLY
  • 00:09:33.040 --> 00:09:35.270
  • LEVERAGE THAT MOMENT.
  • 00:09:35.290 --> 00:09:37.060
  • - RIGHT.
  • 00:09:37.080 --> 00:09:38.140
  • WHEN YOU CAN ANSWER WHY, IT LEADS TO A BETTER HOW.
  • 00:09:38.160 --> 00:09:40.050
  • AND THAT'S WHAT ROUND TWO IS ALL ABOUT, HOW TO
  • 00:09:40.070 --> 00:09:42.050
  • FIGHT WITH THE PERSON YOU LOVE.
  • 00:09:42.070 --> 00:09:44.210
  • AND WE'RE GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME BRAND-NEW TOOLS,
  • 00:09:44.230 --> 00:09:46.250
  • SOME NEW THINGS YOU CAN PUT IN YOUR TOOLBOX THAT
  • 00:09:46.270 --> 00:09:48.220
  • WILL LITERALLY INCREASE YOUR LEVEL OF INTIMACY
  • 00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:51.070
  • STARTING THIS VERY DAY IF YOU PUT THEM INTO PRACTICE.
  • 00:09:51.090 --> 00:09:52.230
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:09:52.250 --> 00:09:54.190
  • - SO ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR ROUND ONE?
  • 00:09:54.210 --> 00:09:55.230
  • [ AUDIENCE RESPONDS ]
  • 00:09:55.250 --> 00:09:56.260
  • - ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:09:56.280 --> 00:09:58.100
  • AND JUST TO MAKE SURE Y'ALL HAVE THE RIGHT
  • 00:09:58.120 --> 00:10:00.130
  • ATTITUDE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TURN TO YOUR PARTNER
  • 00:10:00.150 --> 00:10:02.290
  • AS WE THINK ABOUT TALKING ABOUT CONFLICT THIS
  • 00:10:03.010 --> 00:10:05.150
  • MORNING, JUST TURN TO YOUR PARTNER AND SAY
  • 00:10:05.170 --> 00:10:07.140
  • THESE WORDS, YOU REALLY NEED THIS.
  • 00:10:07.160 --> 00:10:10.280
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:10:11.000 --> 00:10:14.030
  • LET ME JUST KIND OF GET YOUR WHEELS TURNING
  • 00:10:14.050 --> 00:10:16.140
  • AROUND ON CONFLICT A LITTLE BIT BECAUSE WE
  • 00:10:16.160 --> 00:10:19.190
  • HAVE ALL KINDS OF FIGHTS.
  • 00:10:19.210 --> 00:10:20.240
  • - YES.
  • 00:10:20.260 --> 00:10:21.270
  • - WE HAVE GOOD FIGHTS.
  • 00:10:21.290 --> 00:10:23.070
  • THOSE ARE FIGHTS THAT ACTUALLY BRING US
  • 00:10:23.090 --> 00:10:24.060
  • CLOSER TOGETHER.
  • 00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:25.040
  • - RIGHT.
  • 00:10:25.060 --> 00:10:26.100
  • - AND WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW TO LEVERAGE
  • 00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:27.140
  • THOSE FOR SURE.
  • 00:10:27.160 --> 00:10:28.220
  • WE HAVE BAD FIGHTS THAT JUST KIND OF TEAR AT THE
  • 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:30.070
  • FABRIC OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND THEN WE
  • 00:10:30.090 --> 00:10:32.020
  • HAVE DUMB FIGHTS, DON'T WE?
  • 00:10:32.040 --> 00:10:33.100
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:34.160
  • - JUST DUMB FIGHTS.
  • 00:10:34.180 --> 00:10:35.100
  • - JUST DUMB.
  • 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:36.220
  • - JUST LIKE -WHY ARE WE FIGHTING -- WE HAD A COUPLE
  • 00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:37.230
  • IN OUR OFFICE A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
  • 00:10:37.250 --> 00:10:39.010
  • THEY WERE FIGHTING OVER WHETHER OR NOT THEIR CAT
  • 00:10:39.030 --> 00:10:41.180
  • WAS FAT OR NOT.
  • 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:44.030
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:10:44.050 --> 00:10:45.100
  • - ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:46.080
  • THAT'S A DUMB FIGHT.
  • 00:10:46.100 --> 00:10:47.050
  • - YES.
  • 00:10:47.070 --> 00:10:48.150
  • - WE HAD -- I'M THINKING OF THE PASTOR COUPLE.
  • 00:10:48.170 --> 00:10:50.170
  • - OH, OVER THE LIGHTS, YES.
  • 00:10:50.190 --> 00:10:51.260
  • - THEY TOLD US THIS A LITTLE WHILE AGO,
  • 00:10:51.280 --> 00:10:55.050
  • PASTOR FRIENDS.
  • 00:10:55.070 --> 00:10:56.150
  • YOU KNOW HOW THE LAST PERSON IN BED SHOULD FLIP
  • 00:10:56.170 --> 00:10:57.280
  • OFF THE LIGHT SWITCH BEFORE THEY GET INTO BED,
  • 00:10:58.000 --> 00:10:59.160
  • YOU KNOW?
  • 00:10:59.180 --> 00:11:01.010
  • FOR WHATEVER REASON NEITHER OF THEM WANTED TO
  • 00:11:01.030 --> 00:11:02.200
  • BE THE LAST PERSON TO BED, AND SO THEY WERE
  • 00:11:02.220 --> 00:11:05.080
  • RACING DOWN THE HALLWAY TO THEIR BEDROOM AND BOTH
  • 00:11:05.100 --> 00:11:10.100
  • DIVED ON THE BED AND THEY WERE BOTH SAYING THE
  • 00:11:10.120 --> 00:11:12.120
  • OTHER PERSON WAS -AND THEY REALLY DUG IN, LIKE
  • 00:11:12.140 --> 00:11:14.020
  • FOR SOME REASON IT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT TO BOTH
  • 00:11:14.040 --> 00:11:15.190
  • OF THEM THAT THE OTHER PERSON WAS THE LAST
  • 00:11:15.210 --> 00:11:17.240
  • PERSON, SO THEY WENT TO BED WITH THE LIGHTS ON.
  • 00:11:17.260 --> 00:11:19.070
  • - YEP.
  • 00:11:19.090 --> 00:11:20.110
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:11:20.130 --> 00:11:21.240
  • - WOKE UP AT THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING
  • 00:11:21.260 --> 00:11:23.120
  • WITH THE LIGHTS STILL ON, SO BUT WE HAVE -- ALL OF US
  • 00:11:23.140 --> 00:11:25.060
  • HAVE DUMB FIGHTS.
  • 00:11:25.080 --> 00:11:26.080
  • WE HAVE DUMB FIGHTS, THAT'S FOR SURE.
  • 00:11:26.100 --> 00:11:27.150
  • - YEAH, I MEAN, RECENTLY WE HAD JUST COME HOME
  • 00:11:27.170 --> 00:11:29.040
  • FROM A TRIP, AND WE'RE A LITTLE ROAD WEARY, AND I
  • 00:11:29.060 --> 00:11:32.000
  • COULD LOOK AT LES AND KNOW THIS WAS A MOMENT I
  • 00:11:32.020 --> 00:11:34.100
  • REALLY COULD LOVE HIM, SO I FIXED HIM A REALLY
  • 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:37.020
  • WONDERFUL NOURISHING BREAKFAST.
  • 00:11:37.040 --> 00:11:39.030
  • LIKE, I KNEW IT WOULD CATCH HIM OFF GUARD
  • 00:11:39.050 --> 00:11:40.220
  • BECAUSE I KNEW HOW TIRED I WAS, SO I MADE HIM, YOU
  • 00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:43.240
  • KNOW, HEALTHY HOMEMADE STEAL CUT OATS, ALL KINDS
  • 00:11:43.260 --> 00:11:46.220
  • OF FRUITS, SERVED HIM ON THIS BEAUTIFUL PLATTER
  • 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:49.090
  • WITH CREAM, AND AS I SERVED IT TO HIM HE JUST
  • 00:11:49.110 --> 00:11:52.190
  • RESPONDED WITH AMAZEMENT, LIKE HE LOVED IT.
  • 00:11:52.210 --> 00:11:57.010
  • - DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.
  • 00:11:57.030 --> 00:11:58.030
  • - NO.
  • 00:11:58.050 --> 00:11:59.100
  • - SHE TOTALLY BLESSED ME, AND IT WAS JUST LIKE
  • 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:00.250
  • IN THE TIME THAT I WOULD NOT EXPECT IT.
  • 00:12:00.270 --> 00:12:02.250
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:12:02.270 --> 00:12:05.020
  • I COULD SEE HOW MUCH IT HAD BLESSED HIM,
  • 00:12:05.040 --> 00:12:06.040
  • AND I THOUGHT WOW!
  • 00:12:06.060 --> 00:12:07.060
  • WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
  • 00:12:07.080 --> 00:12:08.150
  • THIS WAS AWESOME, SO AS HE WAS BUSY EATING AT THE
  • 00:12:08.170 --> 00:12:10.210
  • KITCHEN ISLAND, I GOT THIS BIG IDEA WITH ALL
  • 00:12:10.230 --> 00:12:13.290
  • KINDS OF ENERGY.
  • 00:12:14.010 --> 00:12:15.070
  • I ROUNDED THE ISLAND ON MY WAY TO EXECUTE MY
  • 00:12:15.090 --> 00:12:17.180
  • IDEA, I SAID, I'M GOING TO GO GET ALL YOUR
  • 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:19.080
  • LAUNDRY DONE RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:12:19.100 --> 00:12:21.190
  • AND I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF, AND AS I ROUNDED
  • 00:12:21.210 --> 00:12:24.140
  • THAT ISLAND ON MY WAY TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM, THIS IS
  • 00:12:24.160 --> 00:12:27.260
  • THE REACTION LES GAVE ME.
  • 00:12:27.280 --> 00:12:29.100
  • [ LIMPLY APPLAUDING ]
  • 00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:32.210
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:12:32.230 --> 00:12:34.020
  • - THAT'S NOT WHAT I DID BUT GO AHEAD WITH YOUR STORY.
  • 00:12:34.040 --> 00:12:35.230
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:12:35.250 --> 00:12:37.160
  • - SO I'M HEADED BACK TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM, AND I
  • 00:12:37.180 --> 00:12:39.080
  • WAS EXPECTING GREAT JOY AND I GOT THIS
  • 00:12:39.100 --> 00:12:40.240
  • [ LIMPLY APPLAUDS ] AND I WAS TRYING TO PROCESS THAT.
  • 00:12:40.260 --> 00:12:43.210
  • I WAS A LITTLE SURPRISED, SO I'M HEADING BACK THERE
  • 00:12:43.230 --> 00:12:48.030
  • AND I'M STARTING TO GET REACTIVE TO THAT.
  • 00:12:48.050 --> 00:12:49.130
  • BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM, I WAS MAD,
  • 00:12:49.150 --> 00:12:50.290
  • AND I WAS SAYING TO MYSELF, WHAT AM I DOING
  • 00:12:51.010 --> 00:12:53.230
  • HIS LAUNDRY FOR?
  • 00:12:53.250 --> 00:12:54.280
  • WHY DID HE GIVE ME THAT SARCASTIC CLAP?
  • 00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:56.210
  • HE SHOULD BE DOING MY LAUNDRY RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:12:56.230 --> 00:12:58.000
  • HE WORKED AS HARD AS HIM, AND YOU KNOW HOW YOU CAN
  • 00:12:58.020 --> 00:13:02.010
  • DO MANUAL LABOR WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY, AND I HAD
  • 00:13:02.030 --> 00:13:04.050
  • LOTS OF ENERGY BACK THERE, BUT ALSO I WAS
  • 00:13:04.070 --> 00:13:07.090
  • TIRED, AND PRETTY SOON AS HAPPENS TO ME, MAYBE
  • 00:13:07.110 --> 00:13:10.150
  • WOMEN UNDERSTAND, THE TEARS STARTED TO ROLL,
  • 00:13:10.170 --> 00:13:13.060
  • AND I MEAN I HAD A BREAKDOWN BACK THERE.
  • 00:13:13.080 --> 00:13:15.050
  • SO BY THE TIME I GOT EVERYTHING ROLLING AND
  • 00:13:15.070 --> 00:13:18.130
  • KIND OF PULLED MYSELF TOGETHER, I HEADED BACK
  • 00:13:18.150 --> 00:13:20.110
  • OUT, YOU WERE JUST FINISHING THAT
  • 00:13:20.130 --> 00:13:21.240
  • BEAUTIFUL BREAKFAST.
  • 00:13:21.260 --> 00:13:23.060
  • - AND I COULD IMMEDIATELY TELL SHE'D
  • 00:13:23.080 --> 00:13:24.240
  • BEEN CRYING.
  • 00:13:24.260 --> 00:13:26.040
  • GUYS, YOU CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE WOMAN HAS BEEN
  • 00:13:26.060 --> 00:13:27.000
  • CRYING, RIGHT?
  • 00:13:27.020 --> 00:13:28.180
  • AND I SAID HEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
  • 00:13:28.200 --> 00:13:31.020
  • AND SHE SAID -- NOTHING.
  • 00:13:31.040 --> 00:13:34.240
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:13:34.260 --> 00:13:37.140
  • I SAID, WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN CRYING.
  • 00:13:37.160 --> 00:13:39.040
  • SHE SAID, WELL, I HAVE.
  • 00:13:39.060 --> 00:13:40.140
  • I SAID, WELL, WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE?
  • 00:13:40.160 --> 00:13:42.170
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:13:42.190 --> 00:13:50.200
  • SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN I LEFT YOU GAVE ME THAT
  • 00:13:50.220 --> 00:13:52.110
  • SARCASTIC CLAP.
  • 00:13:52.130 --> 00:13:55.010
  • I SAID, I DIDN'T GIVE YOU A SARCASTIC CLAP.
  • 00:13:55.030 --> 00:13:57.060
  • SHE SAID, YES, YOU DID.
  • 00:13:57.080 --> 00:13:58.040
  • YOU CLAPPED LIKE THIS.
  • 00:13:58.060 --> 00:14:00.210
  • I SAID, I DON'T CLAP LIKE THAT.
  • 00:14:00.230 --> 00:14:02.110
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:14:02.130 --> 00:14:04.150
  • SHE SAID, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
  • 00:14:04.170 --> 00:14:06.210
  • I SAID, I -- YOU WERE MOVING SO QUICKLY, I COULD NOT
  • 00:14:06.230 --> 00:14:09.140
  • BELIEVE THAT YOU HAD ENERGY TO GO DO OUR
  • 00:14:09.160 --> 00:14:11.050
  • LAUNDRY, AND I WAS SO APPRECIATIVE MY MOUTH WAS
  • 00:14:11.070 --> 00:14:14.050
  • FILLED WITH OATMEAL AND YOU WERE MOVING SO
  • 00:14:14.070 --> 00:14:16.190
  • QUICKLY I WANTED YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH I
  • 00:14:16.210 --> 00:14:17.210
  • APPRECIATED IT.
  • 00:14:17.230 --> 00:14:18.290
  • I COULDN'T SPEAK BECAUSE MY MOUTH WAS FULL, SO I
  • 00:14:19.010 --> 00:14:20.100
  • APPLAUDED YOU AS YOU WERE LEAVING THE ROOM.
  • 00:14:20.120 --> 00:14:23.270
  • SHE SAID, WELL, IT CAME OFF AS SARCASTIC.
  • 00:14:23.290 --> 00:14:26.020
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:14:26.040 --> 00:14:29.270
  • SO THEN WE PROCEEDED TO HAVE A DISCUSSION ON
  • 00:14:29.290 --> 00:14:31.120
  • APPARENTLY HOW I DON'T CLAP RIGHT.
  • 00:14:31.140 --> 00:14:33.210
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:14:33.230 --> 00:14:37.020
  • - THAT'S RIGHT.
  • 00:14:37.040 --> 00:14:38.270
  • - THAT'S A DUMB FIGHT, RIGHT?
  • 00:14:38.290 --> 00:14:40.240
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:14:40.260 --> 00:14:42.100
  • BECAUSE TRUTHFULLY I WAS FILLED WITH APPRECIATION
  • 00:14:42.120 --> 00:14:44.070
  • AND LOVE, AND SHE WAS LOVING ME AND BLESSING
  • 00:14:44.090 --> 00:14:46.110
  • ME, AND HERE WE WERE -- AND NOW WE WERE HAVING A
  • 00:14:46.130 --> 00:14:47.250
  • FIGHT ABOUT THAT, RIGHT?
  • 00:14:47.270 --> 00:14:49.100
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:50.100
  • - HOW IN THE WORLD?
  • 00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:51.030
  • WHY?
  • 00:14:51.050 --> 00:14:52.120
  • WHY WOULD WE -- THAT'S A DUMB FIGHT.
  • 00:14:52.140 --> 00:14:53.220
  • WELL, WE ALL HAVE DUMB FIGHTS, RIGHT?
  • 00:14:53.240 --> 00:14:57.020
  • AND WE HAD -- HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED THIS THAT
  • 00:14:57.040 --> 00:14:59.000
  • SOMETIMES YOUR DUMBEST FIGHTS HAPPENED IN LIKE
  • 00:14:59.020 --> 00:15:03.010
  • THE MOST ROMANTIC TIMES?
  • 00:15:03.030 --> 00:15:04.260
  • WE HAD THIS HAPPEN VERY LONG AGO, RIGHT?
  • 00:15:04.280 --> 00:15:06.120
  • - YEAH, THAT'S WHAT CAN ACTUALLY MAKE A FIGHT A
  • 00:15:06.140 --> 00:15:08.260
  • REALLY DUMB FIGHT WHEN IT INTERRUPTS WHAT OTHERWISE
  • 00:15:08.280 --> 00:15:12.060
  • WOULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF YOUR BEST MOMENTS THAT
  • 00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:14.250
  • YOU COULD POSSIBLY SHARE AS A COUPLE.
  • 00:15:14.270 --> 00:15:16.180
  • AND WE HAD THIS HAPPEN.
  • 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:18.010
  • WE'D BEEN INVITED TO SPEAK A CONFERENCE IN
  • 00:15:18.030 --> 00:15:19.140
  • LONDON, ENGLAND WHICH WAS A WONDERFUL INVITATION.
  • 00:15:19.160 --> 00:15:21.240
  • WE WERE HONORED.
  • 00:15:21.260 --> 00:15:23.180
  • - I REMEMBER WHEN THAT INVITE CAME IN, AND THEY
  • 00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:25.150
  • CALLED AND SAID, WOULD YOU COME OVER TO LONDON
  • 00:15:25.170 --> 00:15:27.060
  • AND SPEAK, SO I WENT INTO LESLIE, AND SHE WAS
  • 00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:29.180
  • IN THE KITCHEN.
  • 00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:31.170
  • I SAID HEY, WITH YOU JUST GOT AN INVITE TO SPEAK IN
  • 00:15:31.190 --> 00:15:32.130
  • LONDON, ENGLAND.
  • 00:15:32.150 --> 00:15:33.180
  • I SAID, DO YOU NEED TO PRAY ABOUT THIS
  • 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:34.070
  • BECAUSE I DON'T.
  • 00:15:34.090 --> 00:15:35.010
  • LET'S GO, RIGHT?
  • 00:15:35.030 --> 00:15:36.040
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:15:36.060 --> 00:15:37.170
  • - HERE WAS THE BEAUTIFUL THING.
  • 00:15:37.190 --> 00:15:38.240
  • IT WAS PERFECTLY TIMED TO END ON THE WEEKEND OF
  • 00:15:38.260 --> 00:15:41.060
  • OUR ANNIVERSARY.
  • 00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:42.090
  • HOW GRACE-FILLED IS THAT?
  • 00:15:42.110 --> 00:15:44.130
  • SO NOW WE FINISH OUR WORK.
  • 00:15:44.150 --> 00:15:46.120
  • WE'RE IN THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY, AND WE HAVE AN EPIC
  • 00:15:46.140 --> 00:15:50.060
  • ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND, JUST THE TWO OF US, 48 HOURS,
  • 00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:52.200
  • NO KIDS, NO WORK, JUST US.
  • 00:15:52.220 --> 00:15:55.060
  • AMAZING.
  • 00:15:55.080 --> 00:15:56.190
  • AND WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING, ALL THE
  • 00:15:56.210 --> 00:15:57.270
  • ICONIC SITES.
  • 00:15:57.290 --> 00:15:59.160
  • WE HAD THE ABSOLUTE ROMANTIC HIGH TEA
  • 00:15:59.180 --> 00:16:03.060
  • ANNIVERSARY EXPERIENCE THAT I KNOW LES HAD ON
  • 00:16:03.080 --> 00:16:05.270
  • HIS BUCKET LIST FOR YEARS BEFORE THAT BECAUSE --
  • 00:16:05.290 --> 00:16:09.280
  • - WHAT?
  • 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:11.030
  • - YOU LOVED THE HIGH TEA.
  • 00:16:11.050 --> 00:16:12.180
  • - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
  • 00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:13.220
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:15.260
  • - EVERYTHING ABOUT IT WAS SO ROMANTIC, AND WE
  • 00:16:15.280 --> 00:16:18.100
  • WERE HAVING A GREAT TIME, AND THEN --
  • 00:16:18.120 --> 00:16:21.050
  • - THIS IS ONE FOR THE RECORD BOOKS.
  • 00:16:21.070 --> 00:16:22.140
  • KIDS HOME WITH MOM AND DAD.
  • 00:16:22.160 --> 00:16:23.190
  • - REALLY.
  • 00:16:23.210 --> 00:16:24.260
  • - WITH THE GRANDPARENTS, AND HERE WE ARE WITH
  • 00:16:24.280 --> 00:16:27.150
  • NO SCHEDULE, JUST ENJOYED -WE JUST HAD A LOVELY
  • 00:16:27.170 --> 00:16:28.260
  • MEAL, SO I SAID LET'S WALK AROUND IN THE EVENING.
  • 00:16:28.280 --> 00:16:31.000
  • I KNOW IT'S LIKE TEN O'CLOCK AT NIGHT, BUT
  • 00:16:31.020 --> 00:16:32.210
  • LET'S WALK AROUND THE CITY ONE MORE TIME, SO
  • 00:16:32.230 --> 00:16:34.270
  • WE'RE WALKING ACROSS THE BRIDGE.
  • 00:16:34.290 --> 00:16:36.080
  • YOU CAN SEE PARLIAMENT BACK THERE AND BIG BEN,
  • 00:16:36.100 --> 00:16:38.160
  • AND A FELLOW TOURIST WALKS BY, HEY, CAN I
  • 00:16:38.180 --> 00:16:41.190
  • TAKE YOUR PICTURE?
  • 00:16:41.210 --> 00:16:42.270
  • AND SURE ENOUGH HANDED US THE CAMERA BACK, AND YOU
  • 00:16:42.290 --> 00:16:44.170
  • WOULDN'T THINK OF IT LOOKING AT THAT PICTURE
  • 00:16:44.190 --> 00:16:47.000
  • -- YOU WOULDN'T THINK THAT WITHIN LESS THAN FIVE
  • 00:16:47.020 --> 00:16:50.130
  • SECONDS AFTER THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN THAT THAT
  • 00:16:50.150 --> 00:16:52.120
  • COUPLE COULD BE EMBROILED IN CONFLICT, BUT THAT'S
  • 00:16:52.140 --> 00:16:56.050
  • EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE HE GAVE ME THE
  • 00:16:56.070 --> 00:16:58.020
  • CAMERA BACK, AND LESLIE SAID, HEY, WE NEVER DID
  • 00:16:58.040 --> 00:17:00.250
  • GET THOSE SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:17:00.270 --> 00:17:02.030
  • I SAID, WHAT SWEATSHIRTS?
  • 00:17:02.050 --> 00:17:04.200
  • SHE SAID, WHAT SWEAT SHIRTS?
  • 00:17:04.220 --> 00:17:06.000
  • THE ONES I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT FOR THE
  • 00:17:06.020 --> 00:17:07.160
  • LAST THREE DAYS, THE SWEATSHIRTS FOR THE BOYS.
  • 00:17:07.180 --> 00:17:09.080
  • I SAID, OH, YES.
  • 00:17:09.100 --> 00:17:11.000
  • YES, OF COURSE, THE SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:17:11.020 --> 00:17:12.230
  • - RIGHT.
  • 00:17:12.250 --> 00:17:14.020
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:17:14.040 --> 00:17:15.210
  • - SHE SAID MAYBE THAT SHOP IS STILL OPEN.
  • 00:17:15.230 --> 00:17:17.130
  • LET'S GO SEE IF IT'S OPEN LATE FOR TOURISTS.
  • 00:17:17.150 --> 00:17:19.030
  • WE WENT DOWN THERE.
  • 00:17:19.050 --> 00:17:20.100
  • SURE ENOUGH IT WAS OPEN, AND SO LESLIE IS SHOPPING
  • 00:17:20.120 --> 00:17:22.190
  • AROUND A LITTLE BIT FOR THE SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:17:22.210 --> 00:17:24.120
  • I'M STANDING BY THE CASH REGISTER.
  • 00:17:24.140 --> 00:17:25.240
  • I'M LOOKING AT MY PHONE OR A MAP OR SOMETHING.
  • 00:17:25.260 --> 00:17:27.260
  • LESLIE COMES IN A MOMENT OR TWO, SHE COMES BACK
  • 00:17:27.280 --> 00:17:29.280
  • WITH TWO SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:31.060
  • SHE SAID, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THESE TWO?
  • 00:17:31.080 --> 00:17:32.140
  • I'M WONDERING IF WE SHOULD GET THEM MATCHING
  • 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.130
  • OR DIFFERENT COLORS FOR THE BOYS, AND I SAID HEY,
  • 00:17:34.150 --> 00:17:36.260
  • YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS.
  • 00:17:36.280 --> 00:17:39.250
  • DO THE BOYS EVEN REALLY NEED SWEATSHIRTS RIGHT NOW?
  • 00:17:39.270 --> 00:17:42.070
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:17:42.090 --> 00:17:46.030
  • SHE SAID, YES, THEY NEED SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:17:46.050 --> 00:17:48.000
  • SHE SAID, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT.
  • 00:17:48.020 --> 00:17:50.070
  • THEY WEAR THEM EVERY DAY TO SCHOOL.
  • 00:17:50.090 --> 00:17:51.160
  • THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE HAVING SWEATSHIRTS
  • 00:17:51.180 --> 00:17:52.090
  • FROM LONDON.
  • 00:17:52.110 --> 00:17:53.020
  • I SAID, ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:17:53.040 --> 00:17:54.100
  • SHE SAID, THESE AREN'T THE RIGHT ONES ANYWAY,
  • 00:17:54.120 --> 00:17:55.190
  • AND SHE WENT BACK DID A LITTLE MORE SHOPPING,
  • 00:17:55.210 --> 00:17:56.190
  • CAME BACK A MOMENT LATER.
  • 00:17:56.210 --> 00:17:58.020
  • SHE SAID, HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
  • 00:17:58.040 --> 00:17:59.290
  • TWO RED SWEATSHIRTS?
  • 00:18:00.030 --> 00:18:01.140
  • I'M JUST WONDERING LIKE THIS, BUT DO THEY NEED
  • 00:18:01.160 --> 00:18:03.140
  • HOODS OR NOT?
  • 00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:04.220
  • AND I SAID, HEY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS ALSO.
  • 00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:06.220
  • YOU KNOW, WE DID CARRY-ON LUGGAGE, AND I DON'T EVEN
  • 00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:09.220
  • KNOW IF WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ROOM IN OUR CARRY ON
  • 00:18:09.240 --> 00:18:11.280
  • FOR TWO BIG FLUFFY SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:14.040
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:14.060 --> 00:18:16.120
  • SHE SAID, DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SWEATSHIRTS?
  • 00:18:16.140 --> 00:18:18.030
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:18.050 --> 00:18:21.100
  • I SAID, NO, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM
  • 00:18:21.120 --> 00:18:23.110
  • WITH THE SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:18:23.130 --> 00:18:24.150
  • JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.
  • 00:18:24.170 --> 00:18:25.290
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:26.010 --> 00:18:27.280
  • SHE SAID -- SHE SAID, WELL, IT'S NOT COMING OFF AS
  • 00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:30.080
  • VERY HELPFUL, AND SHE SAID, I'M GOING TO GET A
  • 00:18:30.100 --> 00:18:33.080
  • DIFFERENT COLOR ANYWAY.
  • 00:18:33.100 --> 00:18:34.250
  • SO SHE GOES, THIRD TIME SHE COMES BACK TO ME, SHE
  • 00:18:34.270 --> 00:18:37.020
  • SAID, THIS IS IT.
  • 00:18:37.040 --> 00:18:38.110
  • I WANT THESE TWO SWEATSHIRTS FOR THE BOYS.
  • 00:18:38.130 --> 00:18:39.280
  • I SAID, ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:40.190
  • LET'S GET THEM.
  • 00:18:40.210 --> 00:18:41.250
  • I REACHED DOWN AND I GRAB THE SLEEVE OF
  • 00:18:41.270 --> 00:18:42.260
  • ONE OF THEM,
  • 00:18:42.280 --> 00:18:44.040
  • PULLED IT UP TO LOOK AT THE PRICE TAG AND I JUST
  • 00:18:44.060 --> 00:18:45.040
  • SAID, GOOD NIGHT!
  • 00:18:45.060 --> 00:18:47.070
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:47.090 --> 00:18:49.190
  • I SAID, LOOK AT HOW EXPENSIVE THESE THINGS ARE.
  • 00:18:49.210 --> 00:18:52.230
  • THEY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ME AT THIS POINT.
  • 00:18:52.250 --> 00:18:54.050
  • SHE JUST TOOK THE TWO SWEATSHIRTS, THREW THEM AT
  • 00:18:54.070 --> 00:18:56.130
  • ME, AND BY THE WAY THEY HAD HANGERS IN THEM STILL
  • 00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:58.240
  • [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN SHE JUST WALKED OUT OF THE STORE.
  • 00:18:58.260 --> 00:19:02.170
  • AND THE GUY AT THE CASH REGISTER LOOKS AT ME LIKE
  • 00:19:02.190 --> 00:19:06.040
  • [ SHRUGS ] I SAID, I KNOW.
  • 00:19:06.060 --> 00:19:10.010
  • WHAT DID I SAY, RIGHT?
  • 00:19:10.030 --> 00:19:13.010
  • SO I HAND OFF THE SWEATSHIRTS TO HIM.
  • 00:19:13.030 --> 00:19:14.210
  • I WALK OUT OF THE STORE THINKING SHE'S WAITING
  • 00:19:14.230 --> 00:19:16.260
  • FOR ME JUST OUTSIDE, BUT SHE'S NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
  • 00:19:16.280 --> 00:19:19.020
  • I LOOK DOWN THE STREET; SHE'S WAY DOWN THE STREET.
  • 00:19:19.040 --> 00:19:22.000
  • SO NOW I'M HUSTLING TO CATCH UP WITH HER, AND
  • 00:19:22.020 --> 00:19:24.020
  • I'M LIKE FIVE PACES BEHIND HER, AND I SAID
  • 00:19:24.040 --> 00:19:26.250
  • "HEY! WHY ARE YOU WALKING SO FAST?"
  • 00:19:26.270 --> 00:19:31.170
  • SHE SAID SOMETHING BACK TO ME THAT ONLY A
  • 00:19:31.190 --> 00:19:33.000
  • MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST SAYS TO HER
  • 00:19:33.020 --> 00:19:34.150
  • HUSBAND. SHE SAID-- REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID?
  • 00:19:34.170 --> 00:19:36.140
  • - OH, YEAH.
  • 00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:37.190
  • - SHE SAID "ANGRY ENERGY."
  • 00:19:37.210 --> 00:19:41.230
  • YEAH, I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TOO.
  • 00:19:41.250 --> 00:19:43.080
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:19:43.100 --> 00:19:46.060
  • BUT I DIDN'T LAUGH OUT LOUD BECAUSE
  • 00:19:46.080 --> 00:19:47.110
  • I'M NOT AN IDIOT. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:19:47.130 --> 00:19:51.070
  • AND SO SHE'S WAITING AT THE CURB FOR THE LIGHT TO
  • 00:19:51.090 --> 00:19:54.120
  • CHANGE. AND SO I FINALLY CATCH UP WITH HER, AND WE'RE
  • 00:19:54.140 --> 00:19:56.150
  • BOTH STANDING THERE WAITING FOR THE LIGHT, NOT
  • 00:19:56.170 --> 00:19:58.110
  • LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, JUST STRAIGHT AHEAD,
  • 00:19:58.130 --> 00:20:00.150
  • BUT YOU COULD KIND OF FEEL THE ICY TENSION.
  • 00:20:00.170 --> 00:20:03.160
  • HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THERE BEFORE? JUST PALPABLE.
  • 00:20:03.180 --> 00:20:06.080
  • YOU CAN FEEL THE ICY TENSION.
  • 00:20:06.100 --> 00:20:08.090
  • SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING?
  • 00:20:08.110 --> 00:20:09.210
  • I KIND OF LOOK AT HER OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE
  • 00:20:09.230 --> 00:20:11.070
  • THINKING THIS IS NOT A GOOD-- I SHOULDN'T SAY
  • 00:20:11.090 --> 00:20:13.140
  • ANYTHING RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK.
  • 00:20:13.160 --> 00:20:15.120
  • AND THE LIGHT CHANGES, WE WALK, AND I DON'T KNOW,
  • 00:20:15.140 --> 00:20:18.050
  • WE WALKED A COUPLE OF BLOCKS AND STILL ICY TENSION.
  • 00:20:18.070 --> 00:20:21.220
  • THEN IN AN ATTEMPT TO KIND OF THAW THE ICE, WE
  • 00:20:21.240 --> 00:20:24.180
  • WALK BY THIS BUILDING, AND ON THE SIDE OF IT
  • 00:20:24.200 --> 00:20:26.240
  • THERE'S THIS PLACARD THAT SAYS
  • 00:20:26.260 --> 00:20:28.100
  • "CHURCHILL'S WAR ROOMS."
  • 00:20:28.120 --> 00:20:30.080
  • AND LESLIE, IN AN ATTEMPT TO KIND OF THAW THE ICE,
  • 00:20:30.100 --> 00:20:33.000
  • SHE SAID "WELL MAYBE WE NEED TO STOP IN THERE."
  • 00:20:33.020 --> 00:20:35.270
  • AND HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION WHERE
  • 00:20:35.290 --> 00:20:37.180
  • YOU'RE SO EAGER TO REPAIR IT THAT YOU OVER REACT?
  • 00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:40.010
  • AND I DID ONE OF THOSE "THAT'S HILARIOUS!"
  • 00:20:40.030 --> 00:20:41.260
  • AND IT'S LIKE, IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY, RELAX.
  • 00:20:41.280 --> 00:20:45.060
  • AND SO WE WEREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE.
  • 00:20:45.080 --> 00:20:48.110
  • WE WALKED ANOTHER COUPLE OF BLOCKS WAITING FOR THE
  • 00:20:48.130 --> 00:20:50.100
  • LIGHT TO CHANGE, AND I THOUGHT I'M GONNA RISK IT
  • 00:20:50.120 --> 00:20:52.020
  • RIGHT NOW, SO I REACHED DOWN AND GRABBED HER HAND
  • 00:20:52.040 --> 00:20:55.160
  • AND I GAVE HER THREE SQUEEZES.
  • 00:20:55.180 --> 00:20:57.170
  • THAT'S OUR LITTLE SIGNAL LIKE, HEY, WE OKAY?
  • 00:20:57.190 --> 00:21:00.230
  • AND I KNOW WE'RE OKAY IF SHE GIVES ME
  • 00:21:00.250 --> 00:21:02.130
  • THE THREE SQUEEZES BACK. SO WE STOOD THERE
  • 00:21:02.150 --> 00:21:06.080
  • UNTIL I GOT THE SQUEEZE BACK
  • 00:21:06.100 --> 00:21:07.290
  • MAYBE 45 MINUTES OR SO.
  • 00:21:08.010 --> 00:21:10.000
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:21:10.020 --> 00:21:12.250
  • NO, I GOT THE SQUEEZES BACK RIGHT AWAY.
  • 00:21:12.270 --> 00:21:15.240
  • AND I TELL YOU THIS TO LET YOU KNOW THAT IN
  • 00:21:15.260 --> 00:21:18.110
  • YEARS GONE BY, IT WOULDN'T BE THAT WAY.
  • 00:21:18.130 --> 00:21:20.210
  • IN YEARS GONE BY, THAT ICY TENSION WOULD HAVE
  • 00:21:20.230 --> 00:21:22.200
  • FOLLOWED US MAYBE ONTO THE AIRPLANE THE NEXT DAY
  • 00:21:22.220 --> 00:21:25.190
  • OVER SWEATSHIRTS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, RIGHT?
  • 00:21:25.210 --> 00:21:28.170
  • THAT'S A DUMB FIGHT!
  • 00:21:28.190 --> 00:21:30.180
  • BUT INSTEAD WE TURNED IT AROUND JUST THAT QUICKLY.
  • 00:21:30.200 --> 00:21:33.090
  • BY THE WAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE WERE DOING
  • 00:21:33.110 --> 00:21:34.160
  • LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AFTER THAT?
  • 00:21:34.180 --> 00:21:37.090
  • WE WERE GETTING RIPPED OFF AT THAT SWEATSHIRT
  • 00:21:37.110 --> 00:21:38.280
  • SHOP SO-- RIGHT? BUT THE QUESTION REMAINS WHY?
  • 00:21:39.000 --> 00:21:44.050
  • WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD WE HAVE A FIGHT ABOUT
  • 00:21:44.070 --> 00:21:47.150
  • SWEATSHIRTS ON TRULY ONE OF THE MOST ROMANTIC
  • 00:21:47.170 --> 00:21:49.290
  • WEEKENDS OF OUR MARRIED LIFE TOGETHER?
  • 00:21:50.010 --> 00:21:52.080
  • WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?
  • 00:21:52.100 --> 00:21:54.030
  • SO MANY OF OUR CONFLICTS COME DOWN TO A SINGLE
  • 00:21:54.050 --> 00:21:57.150
  • WORD, AND THAT WORD IS PERCEPTION.
  • 00:21:57.170 --> 00:22:00.160
  • IF YOU'RE TAKING NOTES, WRITE IT DOWN.
  • 00:22:00.180 --> 00:22:02.110
  • PERCEPTION.
  • 00:22:02.130 --> 00:22:03.280
  • SO MANY OF OUR CONFLICTS ARE DUE TO THIS.
  • 00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:06.250
  • "OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING THROUGH THAT."
  • 00:22:06.270 --> 00:22:09.060
  • "OH, IF I'D KNOWN", RIGHT? PERCEPTION.
  • 00:22:09.080 --> 00:22:12.250
  • - IT'S EVERYTHING.
  • 00:22:12.270 --> 00:22:14.050
  • AND WHEN YOU'RE IN LIFE TOGETHER AND IN CONFLICT,
  • 00:22:14.070 --> 00:22:17.210
  • SO OFTEN YOU FEEL UNLOVED BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE
  • 00:22:17.230 --> 00:22:20.100
  • YOUR SPOUSE DOESN'T SEE YOU; LIKE, IF THEY REALLY
  • 00:22:20.120 --> 00:22:23.070
  • WERE LOOKING, YOU CAN'T LOOK AND MISS ME AND YET
  • 00:22:23.090 --> 00:22:26.110
  • UNTIL YOU'VE RECEIVED IT, IT'S INVISIBLE.
  • 00:22:26.130 --> 00:22:29.180
  • - RIGHT. IT ALL COMES DOWN TO PERCEPTION.
  • 00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:31.230
  • IT'S A HUGE REASON BEHIND WHY WE HAVE SO MANY
  • 00:22:31.250 --> 00:22:35.090
  • FIGHTS IN MARRIAGE AND WHY WE HAVE ANY FIGHTS IN
  • 00:22:35.110 --> 00:22:37.260
  • MARRIAGE. NOW, THIS ISN'T JUST ARMCHAIR
  • 00:22:37.280 --> 00:22:39.200
  • PSYCHOLOGY. WE KNOW THIS FROM RESEARCH.
  • 00:22:39.220 --> 00:22:41.270
  • - LANDMARK STUDY, DONE AT BAYLOR, ON THE POWER
  • 00:22:41.290 --> 00:22:44.220
  • OF PERCEPTION, WHEN IT COMES TO CONFLICT FOR
  • 00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:47.100
  • MARRIED COUPLES, HERE'S WHAT THEY DISCOVERED.
  • 00:22:47.120 --> 00:22:49.130
  • IN THE MIDST OF A CONVERSATION, THERE ARE
  • 00:22:49.150 --> 00:22:51.170
  • TWO NEGATIVE PERCEPTIONS WHEN THEY HAPPEN,
  • 00:22:51.190 --> 00:22:54.290
  • CONFLICT ALWAYS ERUPTS.
  • 00:22:55.010 --> 00:22:58.020
  • THE FIRST IS PERCEIVED THREAT, AND THE SECOND IS
  • 00:22:58.040 --> 00:23:01.160
  • PERCEIVED NEGLECT. WHAT DO WE MEAN BY THAT?
  • 00:23:01.180 --> 00:23:04.010
  • THREAT IS THAT MOMENT YOU'RE HAVING A
  • 00:23:04.030 --> 00:23:06.130
  • CONVERSATION, SUDDENLY YOU FEEL LIKE WOW!
  • 00:23:06.150 --> 00:23:08.260
  • YOU JUST GOT CRITICAL OF ME.
  • 00:23:08.280 --> 00:23:11.160
  • OR I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE BEING CONTROLLING RIGHT
  • 00:23:11.180 --> 00:23:13.250
  • NOW, OR DEMANDING SOMETHING THAT'S JUST
  • 00:23:13.270 --> 00:23:16.080
  • WAY TOO MUCH. THAT'S WHAT THREAT IS.
  • 00:23:16.100 --> 00:23:19.160
  • NEGLECT IS MORE THIS MOMENT WHERE YOU JUST
  • 00:23:19.180 --> 00:23:22.100
  • HAVE THIS DAUNTING REALITY, WOW, WE'RE
  • 00:23:22.120 --> 00:23:24.260
  • TALKING BUT I'M FEELING LIKE YOU DON'T REALLY
  • 00:23:24.280 --> 00:23:26.270
  • CARE ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW, LIKE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE
  • 00:23:26.290 --> 00:23:29.040
  • NOT CONSIDERING MY NEEDS OR PRIORITIZING ME, OR
  • 00:23:29.060 --> 00:23:32.140
  • YOU'RE SO DISTRACTED, YOU'RE NOT EVEN REALLY
  • 00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:34.220
  • AWARE OF ME RIGHT NOW. I FEEL NEGLECTED.
  • 00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:37.220
  • - YOU CAN WRITE IT DOWN.
  • 00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:39.020
  • EVERY CONFLICT WE HAVE IS THE RESULT OF PERCEIVED
  • 00:23:39.040 --> 00:23:42.000
  • THREAT OR PERCEIVED NEGLECT.
  • 00:23:42.020 --> 00:23:44.050
  • AND THIS WAS A STUDY INVOLVING HOW MANY COUPLES?
  • 00:23:44.070 --> 00:23:46.000
  • - OVER 3.500 MARRIED COUPLES ALL ALONG THE SPECTRUM.
  • 00:23:46.020 --> 00:23:49.160
  • - RIGHT. MASSIVE STUDY.
  • 00:23:49.180 --> 00:23:51.080
  • THIS WASN'T A SIDE PROJECT. HUGE.
  • 00:23:51.100 --> 00:23:53.070
  • EVERY CONFLICT WE HAVE IS A RESULT OF ONE OF THESE
  • 00:23:53.090 --> 00:23:56.220
  • TWO REASONS OR SOMETIMES THE COMBINATION OF BOTH
  • 00:23:56.240 --> 00:23:59.010
  • OF THESE REASONS.
  • 00:23:59.030 --> 00:24:00.270
  • NOW, IT CAN SOUND A LITTLE DAUNTING, LIKE
  • 00:24:00.290 --> 00:24:02.220
  • PERCEIVED THREAT, WOW, THAT'S SOUNDS INTENSE,
  • 00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:05.070
  • BUT IT'S MORE COMMON THAN YOU MIGHT GUESS.
  • 00:24:05.090 --> 00:24:07.280
  • IN FACT, LET ME ILLUSTRATE THIS A LITTLE BIT.
  • 00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:10.000
  • I'M IN A SMALL GROUP THAT I HAVE BEEN IN
  • 00:24:10.020 --> 00:24:11.270
  • MORE THAN NINE YEARS.
  • 00:24:11.290 --> 00:24:13.240
  • I THINK WE JUST FINISHED OUR NINTH YEAR TOGETHER.
  • 00:24:13.260 --> 00:24:16.000
  • SEVEN OTHER GUYS.
  • 00:24:16.020 --> 00:24:17.210
  • WE MEET EVERY OTHER TUESDAY FOR LUNCH FOR TWO
  • 00:24:17.230 --> 00:24:20.120
  • HOURS. WE CALL IT THE FIVE PERCENT CLUB.
  • 00:24:20.140 --> 00:24:23.130
  • AND THESE ARE ALL BUSY, HARD-CHARGING BUSINESS
  • 00:24:23.150 --> 00:24:26.120
  • GUYS, AND YET WE CARVE OUT THIS TIME.
  • 00:24:26.140 --> 00:24:28.210
  • WE CALL IT THE FIVE PERCENT CLUB BECAUSE IT'S
  • 00:24:28.230 --> 00:24:31.010
  • DEVOTED TO TALKING ABOUT THE FIVE PERCENT OF OUR
  • 00:24:31.030 --> 00:24:33.080
  • LIFE THAT WE DON'T NECESSARILY BROADCAST
  • 00:24:33.100 --> 00:24:35.040
  • TO EVERYBODY ELSE.
  • 00:24:35.060 --> 00:24:37.050
  • IT CAN BE THE TOP FIVE PERCENT OR THE BOTTOM
  • 00:24:37.070 --> 00:24:38.270
  • FIVE PERCENT, BUT IT'S A SAFE PLACE.
  • 00:24:38.290 --> 00:24:40.280
  • WE ONLY HAVE TWO RULES.
  • 00:24:41.000 --> 00:24:42.130
  • NUMBER ONE IS THAT WE NEVER EVER GIVE ADVICE.
  • 00:24:42.150 --> 00:24:45.250
  • UNLESS SOMEBODY ASKS FOR IT, WE NEVER GIVE ANYBODY
  • 00:24:45.270 --> 00:24:47.270
  • IN THAT ROOM ADVICE.
  • 00:24:47.290 --> 00:24:49.150
  • AND NUMBER TWO IS THAT WHAT WE TALK ABOUT IN
  • 00:24:49.170 --> 00:24:52.070
  • THAT ROOM STAYS IN THAT ROOM.
  • 00:24:52.090 --> 00:24:54.060
  • COMPLETE CONFIDENTIALITY.
  • 00:24:54.080 --> 00:24:55.290
  • IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE THAT KIND OF
  • 00:24:56.010 --> 00:24:57.140
  • SECURITY AND SAFETY.
  • 00:24:57.160 --> 00:24:58.270
  • SO WE NEVER TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS IN THERE.
  • 00:24:58.290 --> 00:25:01.120
  • A FEW MONTHS AGO, JOHN MENTIONED SOMETHING IN THAT--
  • 00:25:01.140 --> 00:25:05.080
  • [LAUGHTER] GROUP.
  • 00:25:05.100 --> 00:25:08.140
  • AND I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT BECAUSE
  • 00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:12.080
  • HE GAVE ME SPECIAL PERMISSION.
  • 00:25:12.100 --> 00:25:13.230
  • I ASKED HIM AND I ASKED HIS WIFE LEILA IF I COULD
  • 00:25:13.250 --> 00:25:15.260
  • TELL THIS STORY BECAUSE WHEN HE TOLD IT, I SAID
  • 00:25:15.280 --> 00:25:17.130
  • THAT'S A PERFECT ILLUSTRATION OF THIS
  • 00:25:17.150 --> 00:25:19.040
  • PERCEIVED THREAT.
  • 00:25:19.060 --> 00:25:20.280
  • IT WAS A SATURDAY, AND THEY'RE DOING A LITTLE
  • 00:25:21.000 --> 00:25:23.010
  • REDECORATING IN THEIR HOME, AND THEY'RE IN
  • 00:25:23.030 --> 00:25:24.270
  • THEIR MASTER BEDROOM.
  • 00:25:24.290 --> 00:25:26.090
  • AND THEY HAVE THIS BIG KIND OF PAINTING THAT
  • 00:25:26.110 --> 00:25:28.190
  • THEY WANT TO PUT ABOVE THEIR HEADBOARD,
  • 00:25:28.210 --> 00:25:30.210
  • AND IT'S KIND OF A UNYIELDING THING TO
  • 00:25:30.230 --> 00:25:34.080
  • MANAGE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE.
  • 00:25:34.100 --> 00:25:36.010
  • SO LEILA, THIS SLIGHT LITTLE WOMAN IS STANDING,
  • 00:25:36.030 --> 00:25:38.280
  • SHE'S KIND OF ON THE PILLOWS BY THE HEADBOARD
  • 00:25:39.000 --> 00:25:40.290
  • TRYING TO HOLD THIS THING.
  • 00:25:41.010 --> 00:25:42.200
  • AND JOHN IS AT THE FOOT OF THE BED, AND HE'S
  • 00:25:42.220 --> 00:25:44.220
  • DIRECTING HER, AND HE'S GOING LEILA, NO, NO,
  • 00:25:44.240 --> 00:25:47.050
  • NO, LITTLE BIT LOWER.
  • 00:25:47.070 --> 00:25:48.140
  • THAT'S GOOD, YEAH, MORE TO THE RIGHT.
  • 00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:50.060
  • I'M TRYING, JOHN, BUT IT'S NOT EASY.
  • 00:25:50.080 --> 00:25:52.090
  • THIS THING IS PRETTY HEAVY.
  • 00:25:52.110 --> 00:25:53.160
  • I KNOW, BUT IF YOU'LL DO IT FOR A SECOND,
  • 00:25:53.180 --> 00:25:55.050
  • I'LL COME UP THERE AND MARK IT AND THEN--
  • 00:25:55.070 --> 00:25:57.260
  • I KNOW BUT I CAN'T DO THIS, IT'S TOO HEAVY.
  • 00:25:57.280 --> 00:25:59.290
  • LEILA, JUST FOR ANOTHER SECOND, HOLD IT UP THERE.
  • 00:26:00.030 --> 00:26:02.150
  • A LITTLE HIGHER. THAT'S IT. NO, THAT'S TOO HIGH.
  • 00:26:02.170 --> 00:26:04.230
  • YOU EVER BEEN THERE?
  • 00:26:04.250 --> 00:26:08.040
  • SHE SAYS I'M DONE, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
  • 00:26:08.060 --> 00:26:10.170
  • AND HE SAYS I GOT AN IDEA. HE SAID WHY DON'T
  • 00:26:10.190 --> 00:26:12.160
  • YOU JUST STEP OVER ON TO THE NIGHTSTAND.
  • 00:26:12.180 --> 00:26:15.150
  • HE SAID IT WON'T BE AS, GET OFF THOSE PILLOWS,
  • 00:26:15.170 --> 00:26:18.020
  • BE MORE STABLE.
  • 00:26:18.040 --> 00:26:19.210
  • STEP ON THE NIGHTSTAND, AND THEN YOU CAN JUST
  • 00:26:19.230 --> 00:26:21.150
  • LEAN IN AND BRACE YOUR BODY UP AGAINST THE WALL
  • 00:26:21.170 --> 00:26:23.260
  • AND HOLD IT UP THERE.
  • 00:26:23.280 --> 00:26:25.200
  • AND SHE SAID, SHE'S REALLY FRUSTRATED RIGHT
  • 00:26:25.220 --> 00:26:27.280
  • NOW, AND SHE SAID THERE'S NO ROOM
  • 00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:29.260
  • ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
  • 00:26:29.280 --> 00:26:31.190
  • AND HE SAID, HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
  • 00:26:31.210 --> 00:26:33.130
  • THERE'S THREE BOOKS AND A LAMP.
  • 00:26:33.150 --> 00:26:35.050
  • THIS IS THE NEXT THING SHE SAID.
  • 00:26:35.070 --> 00:26:37.080
  • SHE SAID WELL, I HATE YOUR BOOKS!
  • 00:26:37.100 --> 00:26:39.210
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:26:39.230 --> 00:26:48.050
  • THEN SHE KICKED THEM OFF THE NIGHTSTAND.
  • 00:26:48.070 --> 00:26:50.030
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:26:50.050 --> 00:26:53.080
  • NOW IF YOU KNEW LEILA, YOU WOULD GO THIS
  • 00:26:53.100 --> 00:26:55.020
  • DOES NOT COMPUTE. SHE'S THE SWEETEST WOMAN!
  • 00:26:55.040 --> 00:26:57.100
  • ON TOP OF THAT, THEY LOVE READING, BOTH OF THEM.
  • 00:26:57.120 --> 00:26:59.220
  • - THAT'S ONE OF HER FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT JOHN.
  • 00:26:59.240 --> 00:27:02.040
  • - YET SHE WAS SO PERCEIVED THREAT.
  • 00:27:02.060 --> 00:27:06.060
  • SHE WAS FEELING SO THREATENED.
  • 00:27:06.080 --> 00:27:07.170
  • HE WAS BEING DEMANDING, SHE FELT, AND CONTROLLING.
  • 00:27:07.190 --> 00:27:09.250
  • - AND YOU CAN'T HELP BUT REACT, RIGHT?
  • 00:27:09.270 --> 00:27:12.020
  • EMOTIONALLY, WHEN YOU FEEL THREATENED, SHE
  • 00:27:12.040 --> 00:27:13.290
  • DIDN'T HAVE HER HANDS SO SHE HAD TO KICK.
  • 00:27:14.010 --> 00:27:15.250
  • THAT'S ALL SHE HAD LEFT.
  • 00:27:15.270 --> 00:27:17.050
  • BUT WHEN IT COMES TO NEGLECT, WHAT
  • 00:27:17.070 --> 00:27:18.200
  • DO WE MEAN BY THAT?
  • 00:27:18.220 --> 00:27:20.100
  • HONESTLY, I CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER EXAMPLE THAN
  • 00:27:20.120 --> 00:27:22.160
  • THE TWO HOODIE SWEATSHIRTS THAT WE NEEDED TO BRING
  • 00:27:22.180 --> 00:27:25.180
  • HOME FROM LONDON, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY,
  • 00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:27.140
  • BECAUSE ACTUALLY EVERY MOM IN HERE GETS IT, WHEN
  • 00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:29.260
  • YOU'VE BEEN AWAY FROM YOUR KIDS, YOU WANT TO
  • 00:27:29.280 --> 00:27:31.120
  • BRING HOME A SYMBOL THAT YOU LOVED AND MISSED
  • 00:27:31.140 --> 00:27:33.080
  • THEM, SO YOU GET THAT.
  • 00:27:33.100 --> 00:27:34.220
  • BUT HONESTLY, IT WASN'T EVEN ABOUT THAT.
  • 00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:37.060
  • IT WAS THAT THE BEST PART OF THAT EPIC WEEKEND WITH
  • 00:27:37.080 --> 00:27:41.120
  • LES WAS THAT WE HAD 48 HOURS OF UNINTERRUPTED
  • 00:27:41.140 --> 00:27:44.110
  • TIME TOGETHER. AND I HAD BEEN FEELING SO HEARD
  • 00:27:44.130 --> 00:27:47.160
  • AND LISTENED TO AND LOVED IN THAT.
  • 00:27:47.180 --> 00:27:50.120
  • AND THEN WE GOT TO THE END OF THAT TIME, AND I
  • 00:27:50.140 --> 00:27:53.050
  • HAD TOLD HIM MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW, FIVE OR TEN
  • 00:27:53.070 --> 00:27:56.150
  • TIMES HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS TO ME TO
  • 00:27:56.170 --> 00:27:58.110
  • GET THOSE SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:27:58.130 --> 00:27:59.260
  • AND WHEN IT CAME TO THE END AND HE ACTED LIKE HE
  • 00:27:59.280 --> 00:28:02.040
  • NEVER EVEN HEARD ME SAY THAT, WELL, I FELT
  • 00:28:02.060 --> 00:28:05.130
  • NEGLECT, RIGHT?
  • 00:28:05.150 --> 00:28:07.110
  • WOMEN, YOU GET IT.
  • 00:28:07.130 --> 00:28:09.130
  • THAT'S WHAT ALL THAT ANGRY ENERGY WAS ABOUT.
  • 00:28:09.150 --> 00:28:12.060
  • NEGLECT. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:28:12.080 --> 00:28:19.230
  • - NOW I KNOW THAT. - YES, YOU DO.
  • 00:28:19.250 --> 00:28:22.270
  • - THAT'S WHY WE BOUGHT THE SWEATSHIRTS.
  • 00:28:22.290 --> 00:28:24.270
  • SO PERCEPTION, THAT'S A BIG ONE, RIGHT?
  • 00:28:24.290 --> 00:28:27.280
  • WE HAVE SO MUCH CONFLICT BECAUSE OF MISSED
  • 00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:31.020
  • PERCEPTION AND BUYING INTO OUR OWN VIEW OF IT,
  • 00:28:31.040 --> 00:28:33.240
  • BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY REASON.
  • 00:28:33.260 --> 00:28:35.010
  • THERE'S ANOTHER ONE THAT CERTAINLY IS IMPORTANT
  • 00:28:35.030 --> 00:28:37.210
  • AND THAT HAS TO DO WITH JUST OUR PERSONALITIES,
  • 00:28:37.230 --> 00:28:39.210
  • OUR UNIQUE-- - HOW WE'RE HARDWIRED.
  • 00:28:39.230 --> 00:28:41.280
  • - HOW GOD DESIGNED EACH ONE OF US TO MANAGE
  • 00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:44.190
  • CONFLICT, BECAUSE THE WAY YOU MANAGE CONFLICT AND
  • 00:28:44.210 --> 00:28:46.290
  • COPE WITH CONFLICT MAY BE DIFFERENT THAN THE
  • 00:28:47.010 --> 00:28:48.170
  • WAY YOUR SPOUSE DOES.
  • 00:28:48.190 --> 00:28:50.000
  • WE CAN HELP YOU IDENTIFY WHAT WE CALL YOUR "FIGHT
  • 00:28:50.020 --> 00:28:52.220
  • TYPE" PRETTY QUICKLY BY ANSWERING TWO QUESTIONS,
  • 00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:56.050
  • AND THE FIRST ONE HAS TO DO WITH HOW EXPRESSIVE
  • 00:28:56.070 --> 00:28:58.290
  • YOU ARE. SOME OF US ARE HIGHLY EXPRESSIVE,
  • 00:28:59.010 --> 00:29:01.210
  • SOME OF US NOT SO MUCH.
  • 00:29:01.230 --> 00:29:03.150
  • - YEAH, FOR SOME OF US WHEN WE HAVE A PROBLEM,
  • 00:29:03.170 --> 00:29:05.090
  • THE FIRST THING WE NEED TO DO IS PROCESS IT, TALK
  • 00:29:05.110 --> 00:29:07.130
  • ABOUT IT, GET IT OUT, AND SO WE'RE EXPRESSIVE.
  • 00:29:07.150 --> 00:29:10.120
  • OTHERS OF US, THE SECOND WE HAVE A PROBLEM, WE
  • 00:29:10.140 --> 00:29:12.190
  • TAKE A STEP BACK.
  • 00:29:12.210 --> 00:29:14.050
  • WE HOLD IT CLOSELY, AND WE WANT TO MULL IT OVER
  • 00:29:14.070 --> 00:29:16.000
  • AND GET INNER CLARITY, AND AFTER WE'VE GONE
  • 00:29:16.020 --> 00:29:19.020
  • THROUGH THE REFLECTIVE PROCESS, WE MAY TELL YOU
  • 00:29:19.040 --> 00:29:22.030
  • OR WE MAY NEVER NEED TO.
  • 00:29:22.050 --> 00:29:23.220
  • WE JUST THOUGHT ABOUT IT INSIDE AND THAT WAS GOOD.
  • 00:29:23.240 --> 00:29:25.250
  • - RIGHT. SO EXPRESSIVENESS.
  • 00:29:25.270 --> 00:29:27.150
  • THEN THE OTHER ONE HAS TO DO WITH FLEXIBILITY.
  • 00:29:27.170 --> 00:29:30.230
  • HOW FLEXIBLE WE ARE JUST IN OUR ATTITUDE AND OUR
  • 00:29:30.250 --> 00:29:33.170
  • SPIRIT ABOUT THINGS.
  • 00:29:33.190 --> 00:29:35.070
  • SOME OF US ARE VERY OPINIONATED ON CERTAIN
  • 00:29:35.090 --> 00:29:37.270
  • ISSUES. WE KNOW HOW WE WANT SOMETHING DONE, AND SO
  • 00:29:37.290 --> 00:29:41.020
  • WE'RE KIND OF INFLEXIBLE BECAUSE WE THINK I KNOW
  • 00:29:41.040 --> 00:29:44.040
  • HOW THAT SHOULD BE DONE AND YOU'RE NOT
  • 00:29:44.060 --> 00:29:45.160
  • DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY.
  • 00:29:45.180 --> 00:29:46.240
  • - IF YOU CARE ABOUT SOMETHING THERE'S A BEST
  • 00:29:46.260 --> 00:29:48.160
  • WAY, AND YOU'RE GONNA BE FEROCIOUS ABOUT
  • 00:29:48.180 --> 00:29:51.000
  • DEFENDING THE BEST WAY.
  • 00:29:51.020 --> 00:29:52.180
  • OTHERS OF US, WE COULD CARE DEEPLY ABOUT
  • 00:29:52.200 --> 00:29:54.170
  • SOMETHING BUT WE COULD SEE, WOW, YOU COULD DO
  • 00:29:54.190 --> 00:29:57.030
  • THAT MANY DIFFERENT WAYS.
  • 00:29:57.050 --> 00:29:59.020
  • SURE, LET'S ADAPT, LET'S TRY IT A NEW WAY.
  • 00:29:59.040 --> 00:30:01.010
  • IT'S IN OUR DNA.
  • 00:30:01.030 --> 00:30:02.230
  • - YOU ASK SOMEBODY THAT'S HIGH ON FLEXIBILITY
  • 00:30:02.250 --> 00:30:05.150
  • WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR DINNER TONIGHT?
  • 00:30:05.170 --> 00:30:07.140
  • WHAT DO THEY TELL YOU?
  • 00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:09.070
  • WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO. IT'S GOOD WITH ME.
  • 00:30:09.090 --> 00:30:12.220
  • RIGHT? I'LL GO ANYWHERE.
  • 00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:14.110
  • NOT TO THAT ONE PLACE BUT ANY OTHER PLACE.
  • 00:30:14.130 --> 00:30:16.100
  • [LAUGHTER] PRETTY FLEXIBLE.
  • 00:30:16.120 --> 00:30:20.150
  • YOU ASK SOMEBODY THAT'S LOW ON FLEXIBILITY, WHERE
  • 00:30:20.170 --> 00:30:22.110
  • DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR DINNER TONIGHT?
  • 00:30:22.130 --> 00:30:24.010
  • SEAFOOD. GET IN THE CAR. LET'S GO.
  • 00:30:24.030 --> 00:30:27.000
  • THEY'VE GOT AN OPINION ON IT.
  • 00:30:27.020 --> 00:30:28.200
  • SO AS YOU CAN TELL, THIS GIVES US FOUR DIFFERENT
  • 00:30:28.220 --> 00:30:30.150
  • GROUPS OF PEOPLE.
  • 00:30:30.170 --> 00:30:32.240
  • SOME PEOPLE ARE LOW ON FLEXIBILITY AND HIGH ON
  • 00:30:32.260 --> 00:30:36.010
  • EXPRESSIVENESS AND SO FORTH GOING AROUND.
  • 00:30:36.030 --> 00:30:38.250
  • IN FACT, HOW MANY WOULD SAY, EVEN IN HEARING YOU
  • 00:30:38.270 --> 00:30:42.000
  • TALK ABOUT THIS LES, I WOULD SAY YEAH, MY HOME
  • 00:30:42.020 --> 00:30:44.090
  • IS PROBABLY HIGH ON EXPRESSIVENESS BECAUSE IF
  • 00:30:44.110 --> 00:30:47.050
  • I HAVE A PROBLEM, I DON'T MIND TALKING ABOUT IT,
  • 00:30:47.070 --> 00:30:50.170
  • AND SECONDLY I'M KIND OF LOW ON FLEXIBILITY.
  • 00:30:50.190 --> 00:30:53.000
  • I'M PRETTY OPINIONATED ON CERTAIN THINGS THAT
  • 00:30:53.020 --> 00:30:54.110
  • REALLY MATTER TO ME.
  • 00:30:54.130 --> 00:30:55.210
  • HOW MANY SAY YEP, THAT'S PROBABLY ME.
  • 00:30:55.230 --> 00:30:56.280
  • RAISE YOUR HANDS.
  • 00:30:57.000 --> 00:30:58.140
  • ALL RIGHT, SO WE CALL YOU FOLKS COMPETITIVE
  • 00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:01.280
  • FIGHTERS. COMPETITIVE FIGHTERS.
  • 00:31:02.000 --> 00:31:07.140
  • AND I SHOULD KNOW BECAUSE THIS IS MY QUADRANT AS WELL.
  • 00:31:07.160 --> 00:31:10.020
  • I'M A COMPETITIVE FIGHTER, RIGHT?
  • 00:31:10.040 --> 00:31:11.230
  • - YES. THAT IS RIGHT.
  • 00:31:11.250 --> 00:31:13.080
  • - SO LOW ON FLEXIBILITY, HIGH ON EXPRESSION.
  • 00:31:13.100 --> 00:31:15.060
  • THESE PEOPLE DON'T TIPTOE AROUND ON EGG SHELLS.
  • 00:31:15.080 --> 00:31:18.110
  • YOU'RE GONNA KNOW IF SOMETHING'S BOTHERING
  • 00:31:18.130 --> 00:31:20.150
  • THEM, THEY'RE GONNA TELL YOU.
  • 00:31:20.170 --> 00:31:22.130
  • - AND OFTEN SOMETHING IS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT THAT
  • 00:31:22.150 --> 00:31:24.290
  • FLEXIBLE SO THEY'RE GONNA DEFEND IT.
  • 00:31:25.010 --> 00:31:27.060
  • AND THEY DON'T WORRY ABOUT CONFLICT.
  • 00:31:27.080 --> 00:31:28.180
  • LET'S BRING IT ON.
  • 00:31:28.200 --> 00:31:29.270
  • - SO WE'RE READY FOR A FIGHT.
  • 00:31:29.290 --> 00:31:31.100
  • YOU GOT A PROBLEM, LET'S GO, RIGHT?
  • 00:31:31.120 --> 00:31:34.010
  • AND SO BUT IT'S ALSO INTERESTING BECAUSE THESE
  • 00:31:34.030 --> 00:31:37.140
  • PEOPLE ARE QUICK TO GET OVER FIGHTS MOST OF THE
  • 00:31:37.160 --> 00:31:39.080
  • TIME TOO. IT'S LIKE LET'S GET THAT BEHIND US SO WE
  • 00:31:39.100 --> 00:31:41.240
  • CAN MOVE ON. BUT THEY DON'T MIND TALKING ABOUT IT.
  • 00:31:41.260 --> 00:31:45.090
  • LIKE I SAID, THIS IS MY QUADRANT.
  • 00:31:45.110 --> 00:31:47.140
  • I HAVE NOT DONE THE RESEARCH ON THIS
  • 00:31:47.160 --> 00:31:49.100
  • PARTICULAR ASPECT OF IT YET, BUT JUST AS A
  • 00:31:49.120 --> 00:31:52.020
  • PSYCHOLOGIST I WOULD TELL YOU THAT PROBABLY THESE
  • 00:31:52.040 --> 00:31:54.130
  • ARE THE PEOPLE, THE COMPETITIVE FIGHTERS ARE
  • 00:31:54.150 --> 00:31:57.170
  • THE PEOPLE YOU'LL FIND ARE PROBABLY HAVE THE
  • 00:31:57.190 --> 00:32:00.130
  • HIGHEST IQ'S, THAT ARE THE NICEST PEOPLE TO BE
  • 00:32:00.150 --> 00:32:02.160
  • AROUND-- [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:32:02.180 --> 00:32:06.100
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:32:06.120 --> 00:32:12.060
  • NOT AT ALL ACTUALLY. SORRY TO SAY IT.
  • 00:32:12.080 --> 00:32:15.070
  • WE MIGHT FEEL LIKE OUR QUADRANT IS THE BEST.
  • 00:32:15.090 --> 00:32:18.060
  • THIS IS DESCRIPTIVE NOT PRESCRIPTIVE.
  • 00:32:18.080 --> 00:32:20.230
  • ONE OF THESE IS NOT NECESSARILY BETTER THAN
  • 00:32:20.250 --> 00:32:22.120
  • THE OTHER. IT HAS TO DO, LIKE LESLIE SAID,
  • 00:32:22.140 --> 00:32:24.170
  • WITH OUR HARDWIRING, HOW GOD MADE US.
  • 00:32:24.190 --> 00:32:27.090
  • NOW, HOW ABOUT PEOPLE THAT ARE HIGH ON
  • 00:32:27.110 --> 00:32:29.060
  • EXPRESSIVENESS AND HIGH ON FLEXIBILITY.
  • 00:32:29.080 --> 00:32:32.110
  • RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU THINK THAT MIGHT BE YOUR
  • 00:32:32.130 --> 00:32:34.010
  • HOME? ALL RIGHT, SO WE CALL YOU FOLKS...
  • 00:32:34.030 --> 00:32:37.010
  • - YEAH, THESE ARE COLLABORATORS BECAUSE WE
  • 00:32:37.030 --> 00:32:38.290
  • DO WANT TO PROCESS EVERYTHING AND TALK ABOUT
  • 00:32:39.010 --> 00:32:41.290
  • OUR FEELINGS, WANT TO HAVE THAT ENGAGED MOMENT,
  • 00:32:42.010 --> 00:32:44.280
  • BUT THE SECOND THAT MOMENT TURNS INTO
  • 00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:46.230
  • CONFLICT, WE'RE MORE LIKELY TO BE FLEXIBLE AND
  • 00:32:46.250 --> 00:32:50.000
  • GET COLLABORATIVE AND TRY TO WORK OUR
  • 00:32:50.020 --> 00:32:51.240
  • WAY AROUND THE CONFLICT.
  • 00:32:51.260 --> 00:32:53.160
  • - RIGHT. SO PRETTY EASY TO LIVE WITH BECAUSE THEY CAN
  • 00:32:53.180 --> 00:32:55.240
  • KIND OF PUT IT OUT THERE, BUT THEY'RE NOT
  • 00:32:55.260 --> 00:32:57.170
  • LOOKING FOR A FIGHT.
  • 00:32:57.190 --> 00:32:58.250
  • - NO, BUT WE ARE LOOKING TO TALK.
  • 00:32:58.270 --> 00:33:00.140
  • - ABSOLUTELY. THEN WE HAVE PEOPLE THAT ARE LOW ON
  • 00:33:00.160 --> 00:33:04.040
  • EXPRESSIVENESS, JUST THE OPPOSITE, BUT STILL
  • 00:33:04.060 --> 00:33:07.000
  • HIGH ON FLEXIBILITY.
  • 00:33:07.020 --> 00:33:09.090
  • HOW MANY THINK YEAH, THAT MIGHT BE ME? OKAY.
  • 00:33:09.110 --> 00:33:11.260
  • WE CALL YOU FOLKS CONCILIATORY FIGHTERS.
  • 00:33:11.280 --> 00:33:15.280
  • CONCILIATORY FIGHTERS.
  • 00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:17.200
  • - NOW THESE PEOPLE, FIGHTER DOESN'T EVEN
  • 00:33:17.220 --> 00:33:19.180
  • REALLY FIT FOR YOU IF YOU'RE IN THIS BECAUSE
  • 00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:21.290
  • YOU'D RATHER BE FLEXIBLE THAN EVER HOLD ON TO
  • 00:33:22.010 --> 00:33:25.160
  • SOMETHING, BUT YOU ALSO DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO
  • 00:33:25.180 --> 00:33:28.130
  • PROCESS EVERYTHING. SO YOU DON'T HAVE FIGHTS.
  • 00:33:28.150 --> 00:33:31.220
  • FIGHTING, YOU'RE GROWING EDGE IS ACTUALLY TO
  • 00:33:31.240 --> 00:33:34.100
  • REALLY BE HONEST AND AUTHENTIC IN THE MOMENT
  • 00:33:34.120 --> 00:33:36.180
  • WHEN YOU DEEPLY DO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT
  • 00:33:36.200 --> 00:33:39.080
  • SOMETHING AND SHOULDN'T FLEX ON THAT ISSUE.
  • 00:33:39.100 --> 00:33:41.180
  • - SO FIGHTER IS KIND OF A MISNOMER.
  • 00:33:41.200 --> 00:33:43.140
  • THEY'RE JUST CONCILIATORY.
  • 00:33:43.160 --> 00:33:45.070
  • THEN FINALLY WE HAVE PEOPLE THAT ARE LOW ON
  • 00:33:45.090 --> 00:33:46.260
  • FLEXIBILITY AND LOW ON EXPRESSIVENESS.
  • 00:33:46.280 --> 00:33:49.260
  • HOW MANY SAY THAT'S ME?
  • 00:33:49.280 --> 00:33:51.190
  • ALL RIGHT. WE CALL YOU FOLKS CAUTIOUS FIGHTERS.
  • 00:33:51.210 --> 00:33:55.260
  • CAUTIOUS FIGHTERS.
  • 00:33:55.280 --> 00:33:57.140
  • - AND I LOVE BEING AROUND CAUTIOUS FIGHTERS.
  • 00:33:57.160 --> 00:33:59.180
  • THERE IS A BRILLIANCE IN ACTION WHEN THEY GET IN
  • 00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:02.210
  • THE CONFLICT BECAUSE, LET ME JUST TELL YOU,
  • 00:34:02.230 --> 00:34:05.000
  • CAUTIOUS FIGHTERS DO NOT HAVE A FIGHT UNTIL THEY
  • 00:34:05.020 --> 00:34:07.230
  • ARE FULLY ARMED AND READY FOR THAT CONVERSATION.
  • 00:34:07.250 --> 00:34:10.130
  • THEY ARE PREPARED.
  • 00:34:10.150 --> 00:34:12.250
  • THEY HAVE THOUGHT IT THROUGH FROM EVERY ANGLE.
  • 00:34:12.270 --> 00:34:14.240
  • THEY HAVE EXAMPLES AND RECOMMENDATIONS AND
  • 00:34:14.260 --> 00:34:17.120
  • SUPPORTING DOCUMENTS.
  • 00:34:17.140 --> 00:34:19.170
  • - RIGHT. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:34:19.190 --> 00:34:22.190
  • THESE ARE, I'VE GOT A WITNESS RIGHT THERE. OKAY.
  • 00:34:22.210 --> 00:34:26.080
  • IT'S A LITTLE BIT LIKE BEING MARRIED TO AN
  • 00:34:26.100 --> 00:34:29.000
  • ATTORNEY IF YOU'RE MARRIED TO THIS PERSON
  • 00:34:29.020 --> 00:34:31.170
  • BECAUSE THEY WILL EVEN GIVE YOU A VERBATIM.
  • 00:34:31.190 --> 00:34:34.110
  • THEY CAN COME AND SAY DID YOU NOT SIT IN THAT VERY
  • 00:34:34.130 --> 00:34:37.090
  • CHAIR ON TUESDAY NIGHT AND TELL ME THAT-- RIGHT?
  • 00:34:37.110 --> 00:34:41.200
  • SO I WANT TO FIND OUT SOMETHING, HOW MANY ARE
  • 00:34:41.220 --> 00:34:44.250
  • MARRIED TO THE SAME TYPE, LIKE YOU HAD THE SAME
  • 00:34:44.270 --> 00:34:46.270
  • FIGHT TYPE, RISE YOUR HANDS?
  • 00:34:46.290 --> 00:34:50.090
  • HOW MANY ARE LIKE BOTH COMPETITIVE FIGHTERS?
  • 00:34:50.110 --> 00:34:53.150
  • RAISE YOUR HANDS IF YOU'RE BOTH
  • 00:34:53.170 --> 00:34:54.170
  • COMPETITIVE FIGHTERS.
  • 00:34:54.190 --> 00:34:55.290
  • OH, WOW. WE GOTTA STOP AND HAVE PRAYER MEETING
  • 00:34:56.010 --> 00:34:57.210
  • FOR THESE COUPLES RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:34:57.230 --> 00:34:59.110
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:34:59.130 --> 00:35:02.160
  • HOW ABOUT TWO CONCILIATORY MARRIED TOGETHER?
  • 00:35:02.180 --> 00:35:08.110
  • SO YOU GUYS THAT ARE RAISING YOUR HAND BACK
  • 00:35:08.130 --> 00:35:09.210
  • THERE. BOTH TWO CONCILIATORY?
  • 00:35:09.230 --> 00:35:11.180
  • WHEN WAS THE LAST FIGHT THE TWO OF YOU HAD?
  • 00:35:11.200 --> 00:35:14.210
  • CAN'T REMEMBER.
  • 00:35:14.230 --> 00:35:16.210
  • WHY ARE YOU HERE? [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:35:16.230 --> 00:35:20.090
  • IT USED TO FRUSTRATE ME SO MUCH WHEN WE'D TALK
  • 00:35:20.110 --> 00:35:23.000
  • ABOUT CONFLICT, AND I'D ALWAYS HAVE A COUPLE COME
  • 00:35:23.020 --> 00:35:25.030
  • UP AND SAY WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 40 YEARS AND
  • 00:35:25.050 --> 00:35:27.000
  • WE'VE NEVER HAD A FIGHT.
  • 00:35:27.020 --> 00:35:28.240
  • AND I JUST WANTED TO PUNCH THEM IN THE JAW.
  • 00:35:28.260 --> 00:35:30.210
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:35:30.230 --> 00:35:33.110
  • AND I WOULD GET SO, LIKE, COME ON!
  • 00:35:33.130 --> 00:35:35.270
  • AND IT WASN'T UNTIL WE DID THIS RESEARCH FOR
  • 00:35:35.290 --> 00:35:38.060
  • THIS BOOK, THE GOOD FIGHT, THAT WE UNDERSTOOD
  • 00:35:38.080 --> 00:35:39.270
  • THAT'S REALLY THE CASE.
  • 00:35:39.290 --> 00:35:41.200
  • THERE'S SOME COUPLES THAT JUST DON'T FIGHT BECAUSE
  • 00:35:41.220 --> 00:35:43.160
  • THEY'RE TWO CONCILIATORY.
  • 00:35:43.180 --> 00:35:45.240
  • HOW ABOUT A COMPETITIVE MARRIED TO A CONCILIATORY?
  • 00:35:45.260 --> 00:35:50.210
  • HOW MANY MARRIAGES DO WE HAVE LIKE THAT?
  • 00:35:50.230 --> 00:35:52.070
  • - LOOK AT THAT.
  • 00:35:52.090 --> 00:35:53.210
  • I LOVE THE STORIES THAT COUPLES IN YOUR SITUATION
  • 00:35:53.230 --> 00:35:56.080
  • GIVE US BECAUSE THE POOR CONCILIATORY IS ALWAYS
  • 00:35:56.100 --> 00:35:59.080
  • SAYING MY SPOUSE FOLLOWS ME AROUND THE HOUSE, AND
  • 00:35:59.100 --> 00:36:02.050
  • I'M TRYING TO HIDE, AND I'M FINALLY LEAVING THE
  • 00:36:02.070 --> 00:36:05.170
  • ROOM AND THEY'RE FOLLOWING ME, AND FINALLY
  • 00:36:05.190 --> 00:36:07.110
  • I GET IN THE BATHROOM AND SLAM THE DOOR,
  • 00:36:07.130 --> 00:36:09.060
  • AND THEY JUST WAIT ON THE OTHER SIDE.
  • 00:36:09.080 --> 00:36:11.140
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:36:11.160 --> 00:36:15.210
  • - THAT MAN'S GIVING US A STANDING OVATION
  • 00:36:15.230 --> 00:36:17.070
  • FOR SOME REASON.
  • 00:36:17.090 --> 00:36:18.270
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:36:18.290 --> 00:36:22.030
  • WE TOUCHED A NERVE IN THAT HOME. YEAH.
  • 00:36:22.050 --> 00:36:27.100
  • SO THAT COMPETITIVE STANDS OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM,
  • 00:36:27.120 --> 00:36:28.280
  • YOU'VE GOT TO COME OUT OF THERE SOMEDAY.
  • 00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:31.260
  • - MATT CROUCH: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:36:33.140 --> 00:36:35.120
  • SO THINK OF NOW A FIGHT OVER WHAT RESTAURANT, OR
  • 00:36:35.140 --> 00:36:39.270
  • YOU DIDN'T DO SOMETHING, OR YOU KNOW-- SHE-- THE
  • 00:36:39.290 --> 00:36:44.290
  • OTHER DAY I NOTICED THAT SHE PUT THIS RACK THING--
  • 00:36:45.010 --> 00:36:49.090
  • - LAURIE CROUCH: HERE WE GO.
  • 00:36:49.110 --> 00:36:50.200
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:36:50.220 --> 00:36:52.280
  • - IT WAS A RACK THAT APPARENTLY I WAS SUPPOSED
  • 00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:57.040
  • TO INSTALL UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK, RIGHT?
  • 00:36:57.060 --> 00:37:01.050
  • SO YOU PUT THE RACK THERE, LIKE, I HAD TO
  • 00:37:01.070 --> 00:37:02.260
  • TRIP OVER IT AS A HINT TO GET THAT.
  • 00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:05.080
  • - I REMEMBER THAT.
  • 00:37:05.100 --> 00:37:06.260
  • - SO THEN I DIDN'T DO IT, AND THEN I SAW THAT
  • 00:37:06.280 --> 00:37:09.290
  • YOU HAD PUT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE HOUSE, AND I
  • 00:37:10.010 --> 00:37:12.020
  • FORGOT TO DO IT, AND THEN I CAME BACK AND SOMEBODY
  • 00:37:12.040 --> 00:37:14.240
  • ELSE HAD DONE IT.
  • 00:37:14.260 --> 00:37:17.030
  • AND SO THE IDEA THAT-- DID YOU ACTUALLY DO THAT?
  • 00:37:17.050 --> 00:37:20.270
  • - BUT THE TRACK IS IN THE CORNER STILL WAITING
  • 00:37:20.290 --> 00:37:23.220
  • FOR YOU TO PUT THE TRACK IN.
  • 00:37:23.240 --> 00:37:25.020
  • - YOU JUST PUT THE THING IN THERE.
  • 00:37:25.040 --> 00:37:26.210
  • - IT'S NOT DONE YET.
  • 00:37:26.230 --> 00:37:28.030
  • - SO THE IDEA OF THE LITTLE THINGS YOU MIGHT
  • 00:37:28.050 --> 00:37:30.270
  • GET IRRITATED OR FIGHT OVER IN CONNECTION TO MY
  • 00:37:30.290 --> 00:37:34.150
  • DESTINY IS NOT ABOUT ME, IT'S ABOUT US.
  • 00:37:34.170 --> 00:37:37.170
  • SEE, EVERYTHING PALES WHEN IT COMPARES ALL OF A
  • 00:37:37.190 --> 00:37:41.110
  • SUDDEN. AND IF I WAS GONNA DIVORCE HER, I WOULDN'T
  • 00:37:41.130 --> 00:37:44.180
  • BE DIVORCING HERE, I'D BE DIVORCING MY DESTINY,
  • 00:37:44.200 --> 00:37:47.250
  • SEE? SO THAT IS WHAT GOD THINKS ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:37:47.270 --> 00:37:50.270
  • YOU'RE NODDING, JOEL, SO I GUESS YOU'RE
  • 00:37:50.290 --> 00:37:52.140
  • AGREEING WITH ME.
  • 00:37:52.160 --> 00:37:53.220
  • - JOEL OSTEEN: I AM BECAUSE I THINK IT'S SO
  • 00:37:53.240 --> 00:37:55.150
  • EASY TO FOCUS ON THE LITTLE THINGS AND YOU
  • 00:37:55.170 --> 00:37:57.080
  • FORGET WHY YOU FELL IN LOVE.
  • 00:37:57.100 --> 00:37:58.270
  • I JUST REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE FIRST MARRIED OR
  • 00:37:58.290 --> 00:38:01.020
  • FIRST FIVE YEARS, VICTORIA DRIVES
  • 00:38:01.040 --> 00:38:03.070
  • DIFFERENTLY THAN I DRIVE. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:38:03.090 --> 00:38:06.250
  • WHEN I WOULD RIDE WITH HER AND LET HER DRIVE,
  • 00:38:06.270 --> 00:38:11.180
  • SHE LIKES TO PUT HER TIRE ON THE PASSENGER SIDE ON
  • 00:38:11.200 --> 00:38:14.170
  • THE LINE ON THE FREEWAY.
  • 00:38:14.190 --> 00:38:20.090
  • AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:38:20.110 --> 00:38:22.010
  • THAT LINE -- YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STAY INSIDE THAT LINE
  • 00:38:22.030 --> 00:38:24.150
  • BECAUSE THE TRUCK IS RIGHT HERE.
  • 00:38:24.170 --> 00:38:26.090
  • IT WAS RIGHT BY ME, AND I USED TO THINK, YOU KNOW, FOREVER, I
  • 00:38:26.110 --> 00:38:28.140
  • SAID, VICTORIA, DRIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LANE, DON'T
  • 00:38:28.160 --> 00:38:30.150
  • DRIVE OVER ON THIS SIDE OF THE LANE.
  • 00:38:30.170 --> 00:38:31.270
  • ONE DAY I REALIZED SHE'S NEVER HAD A WRECK.
  • 00:38:31.290 --> 00:38:34.080
  • SHE'S NEVER HAD AN ACCIDENT.
  • 00:38:34.100 --> 00:38:35.230
  • SHE'S DRIVEN BETTER THAN ME.
  • 00:38:35.250 --> 00:38:37.160
  • YOU JUST KIND OF LET GO OF THOSE LITTLE THINGS, AND NOW I
  • 00:38:37.180 --> 00:38:39.090
  • JUST PUT ON MY HELMET, AND WE GO WHEREVER WE GO.
  • 00:38:39.110 --> 00:38:41.060
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:38:41.080 --> 00:38:44.290
  • SERIOUSLY, I TELL YOU...
  • 00:38:45.010 --> 00:38:46.230
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:38:46.250 --> 00:38:49.060
  • BETWEEN THAT AND AGAIN I'M JUST SAYING, SERIOUSLY,
  • 00:38:49.080 --> 00:38:51.230
  • JUST THOSE LITTLE THINGS.
  • 00:38:51.250 --> 00:38:54.010
  • WHEN VICTORIA, WE'D GET READY TO GO TO CHURCH OR SOMEWHERE,
  • 00:38:54.030 --> 00:38:57.090
  • I'D SAY, I'M READY. YOU READY?
  • 00:38:57.110 --> 00:38:59.060
  • SHE'D SAY, YES, I'M READY. LET'S GO.
  • 00:38:59.080 --> 00:39:01.150
  • WELL, HER READY IS NOT THE SAME AS MY READY, AND I DON'T
  • 00:39:01.170 --> 00:39:04.210
  • MEAN THAT WRONG, BUT YOU JUST HAD TO LEARN TO
  • 00:39:04.230 --> 00:39:06.180
  • SAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:39:06.200 --> 00:39:08.100
  • OKAY, I'LL MAKE AN ADJUSTMENT. SHE SAID SHE'S READY.
  • 00:39:08.120 --> 00:39:10.040
  • GO RELAX FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
  • 00:39:10.060 --> 00:39:12.000
  • DON'T MAKE BIG THINGS OUT OF LITTLE THINGS.
  • 00:39:12.020 --> 00:39:14.130
  • THERE ARE TOO MANY BIG THINGS TO DEAL WITH TO FIGHT
  • 00:39:14.150 --> 00:39:17.000
  • OVER LITTLE BITTY THINGS.
  • 00:39:17.020 --> 00:39:18.200
  • - I KNOW THAT'S TRUE.
  • 00:39:18.220 --> 00:39:20.170
  • - BECAUSE REALLY TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE.
  • 00:39:20.190 --> 00:39:22.140
  • WHEN THERE'S UNITY IN THE HOUSE, WHEN THERE'S UNITY WITH
  • 00:39:22.160 --> 00:39:24.150
  • YOUR SPOUSE, YOU KNOW, THE SCRIPTURE SAYS ONE
  • 00:39:24.170 --> 00:39:26.240
  • CAN PLACE A THOUSAND.
  • 00:39:26.260 --> 00:39:28.180
  • TEN CAN PUT TEN THOUSAND TO FLIGHT.
  • 00:39:28.200 --> 00:39:30.240
  • I THINK ABOUT I REMIND MYSELF IF I'M TEMPTED TO GET UPSET
  • 00:39:30.260 --> 00:39:32.260
  • ABOUT ANYTHING, YOU SAY, YOU KNOW WHAT IN I'M TEN TIMES
  • 00:39:32.280 --> 00:39:35.110
  • STRONGER WHEN I'M IN UNITY WITH HER.
  • 00:39:35.130 --> 00:39:38.000
  • CAN I OVERLOOK SOMETHING TO BE TEN TIMES MORE STRONG?
  • 00:39:38.020 --> 00:39:40.260
  • LIKE YOU SAID, TO NOT RUN AWAY FROM YOUR DESTINY.
  • 00:39:40.280 --> 00:39:43.120
  • SO I DO THINK I SEE IT SO MANY TIMES.
  • 00:39:43.140 --> 00:39:45.230
  • I SEE GOOD PEOPLE LETTING SMALL THINGS IRRITATE THEM.
  • 00:39:45.250 --> 00:39:50.070
  • AN EAGLE RISES ABOVE IT.
  • 00:39:50.090 --> 00:39:51.280
  • YOU MAKE ALLOWANCES.
  • 00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:53.210
  • I LOVE THIS PERSON, AND JOHN OR WHOEVER WAS SAYING A
  • 00:39:53.230 --> 00:39:55.180
  • WHILE AGO, YOU LET THEM BE WHO THEY ARE.
  • 00:39:55.200 --> 00:39:59.140
  • GOD DIDN'T CALL ME TO CHANGE VICTORIA.
  • 00:39:59.160 --> 00:40:02.070
  • HE CALLED ME TO LOVE VICTORIA. I'M NOT THE HOLY SPIRIT.
  • 00:40:02.090 --> 00:40:05.130
  • THE HOLY SPIRIT IS THE ONE THAT DOES THE CHANGING, BUT I
  • 00:40:05.150 --> 00:40:08.090
  • THINK THE OTHER THING, TOO, IS ANY TIME YOU PRAY FOR GOD
  • 00:40:08.110 --> 00:40:11.280
  • CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE, ASK FOR HIM TO CHANGE YOU, AS WELL.
  • 00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:15.010
  • GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:40:15.030 --> 00:40:16.280
  • I'M ASKING YOU TO CHANGE HER, BUT CHANGE ME FIRST.
  • 00:40:17.000 --> 00:40:18.180
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:40:18.200 --> 00:40:22.040
  • I THINK ANOTHER THING -- I'M HOGGING ALL THE TIME NOW --
  • 00:40:22.060 --> 00:40:24.220
  • BUT IF NOT, JOHN WILL GET IT.
  • 00:40:24.240 --> 00:40:27.140
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:40:27.160 --> 00:40:29.080
  • I'M KIDDING, BUT YOU KNOW ANOTHER THING, I SAY THIS.
  • 00:40:29.100 --> 00:40:31.030
  • I CAN SAY IT TRUTHFULLY.
  • 00:40:31.050 --> 00:40:33.060
  • I WOULDN'T BE HALF OF WHO I AM WITHOUT VICTORIA BECAUSE SHE
  • 00:40:33.080 --> 00:40:35.210
  • HAS SPOKEN SO MANY SEEDS INTO MY LIFE.
  • 00:40:35.230 --> 00:40:38.000
  • SEEDS INTO MY DESTINY. I'LL SAY THIS.
  • 00:40:38.020 --> 00:40:40.030
  • TEN YEARS BEFORE MY FATHER WENT TO BE WITH THE LORD, WE
  • 00:40:40.050 --> 00:40:43.210
  • WOULD SIT ON THE FRONT ROW ON SUNDAY NIGHTS WHEN WE WEREN'T
  • 00:40:43.230 --> 00:40:46.050
  • TAPING OR WHATNOT, UP IN THE TV BOOTH LIKE YOU, AND WE'D BE
  • 00:40:46.070 --> 00:40:49.020
  • SITTING THERE WATCHING MY DAD UP THERE MINISTERING.
  • 00:40:49.040 --> 00:40:51.140
  • VICTORIA WOULD NUDGE ME AND SAY, JOEL, ONE DAY YOU'RE
  • 00:40:51.160 --> 00:40:53.180
  • GOING TO PASTOR THE CHURCH, AND THAT WOULD MAKE ME MAD
  • 00:40:53.200 --> 00:40:56.160
  • BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PREACH OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
  • 00:40:56.180 --> 00:40:59.050
  • BUT SHE SAW THINGS IN ME THAT I DIDN'T SEE.
  • 00:40:59.070 --> 00:41:02.230
  • I MEAN, I RAN CAMERA MY WHOLE LIFE AT THAT TIME,
  • 00:41:02.250 --> 00:41:05.270
  • AND I LOVED DOING IT.
  • 00:41:05.290 --> 00:41:07.270
  • I THINK THAT'S WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THEN, BUT
  • 00:41:07.290 --> 00:41:09.270
  • I WAS ALWAYS HEARING HER TELL ME THAT I COULD DO THINGS THAT
  • 00:41:09.290 --> 00:41:12.280
  • I DIDN'T THINK I COULD DO.
  • 00:41:13.000 --> 00:41:14.200
  • SHE SAW THINGS IN ME THAT I DIDN'T SEE IN MYSELF, AND I
  • 00:41:14.220 --> 00:41:16.150
  • THINK IT TAKES A -- IT'S A PRINCIPLE WE SHOULD ALL LEARN
  • 00:41:16.170 --> 00:41:21.200
  • IS TO CALL OUT THE SEEDS OF GREATNESS IN YOUR SPOUSE.
  • 00:41:21.220 --> 00:41:24.250
  • CALL OUT THE THINGS THAT THEY CAN'T SEE IN THEMSELVES.
  • 00:41:24.270 --> 00:41:27.130
  • SO WHEN MY DAD WENT TO BE WITH THE LORD IN 1999, AND I HAD
  • 00:41:27.150 --> 00:41:30.110
  • NEVER MINISTERED BEFORE EXCEPT ONE TIME, I KNEW I WAS
  • 00:41:30.130 --> 00:41:33.110
  • SUPPOSED TO, AND YET I HAD ALL OF THOSE INTERIOR VOICES
  • 00:41:33.130 --> 00:41:37.060
  • SAYING, YOU CAN'T DO IT, JOEL. YOU'RE A FOOL.
  • 00:41:37.080 --> 00:41:39.120
  • YOU CAN'T GET UP IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.
  • 00:41:39.140 --> 00:41:41.070
  • BUT I COULD HEAR VICTORIA REMINDING ME, YOU KNOW?
  • 00:41:41.090 --> 00:41:43.090
  • SHE'D TOLD ME SO MANY TIMES THAT I COULD BECOME A PASTOR.
  • 00:41:43.110 --> 00:41:46.090
  • I THINK THAT'S ONE REASON I COULD STEP UP AND BECOME
  • 00:41:46.110 --> 00:41:49.020
  • WHAT GOD'S HELPED ME TO BECOME TODAY.
  • 00:41:49.040 --> 00:41:51.260
  • BUT IT ALL STARTED BACK FROM SEEDS THAT VICTORIA HAD SOWN.
  • 00:41:51.280 --> 00:41:55.250
  • AND I THINK A LOT OF TIMES, YOU CAN SOW THE NEGATIVE
  • 00:41:55.270 --> 00:41:58.120
  • SEEDS. YOU CAN'T DO THIS. YOU'RE ALWAYS LATE.
  • 00:41:58.140 --> 00:42:00.150
  • WHY CAN'T YOU BE ON TIME? IT'S EASY TO PUSH PEOPLE DOWN.
  • 00:42:00.170 --> 00:42:02.210
  • THEY GOT ENOUGH PEOPLE PUSHING THEM DOWN.
  • 00:42:02.230 --> 00:42:04.200
  • I'D ENCOURAGE US TO LET'S BE PEOPLE THAT LIFT PEOPLE UP,
  • 00:42:04.220 --> 00:42:07.000
  • ESPECIALLY OUR SPOUSE, ON OUR SHOULDERS.
  • 00:42:07.020 --> 00:42:09.190
  • ONE MORE THING.
  • 00:42:09.210 --> 00:42:11.170
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:42:11.190 --> 00:42:14.190
  • I'M ON A ROLL. LAST THING.
  • 00:42:14.210 --> 00:42:17.070
  • YOU KNOW, I'VE SEEN PEOPLE THAT TREAT STRANGERS BETTER
  • 00:42:17.090 --> 00:42:21.220
  • THAN THEY TREAT THEIR OWN SPOUSE.
  • 00:42:21.240 --> 00:42:23.230
  • WE'VE ALL SEEN IT, MAN, OUT IN PUBLIC.
  • 00:42:23.250 --> 00:42:25.190
  • WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
  • 00:42:25.210 --> 00:42:27.080
  • AND GO HOME, AND IT'S A DIFFERENT STORY.
  • 00:42:27.100 --> 00:42:29.020
  • I THINK IF ANYBODY WE OUGHT TO TREAT THE BEST, IT OUGHT
  • 00:42:29.040 --> 00:42:31.230
  • TO BE OUR OWN FAMILY.
  • 00:42:31.250 --> 00:42:33.290
  • TRY TO TREAT EVERYBODY, BUT, MAN, START WITH YOUR OWN
  • 00:42:34.010 --> 00:42:36.120
  • FAMILY; TO HONOR, TO UPLIFT, TO COMPLIMENT, YOU KNOW?
  • 00:42:36.140 --> 00:42:40.100
  • DON'T TREAT SOMEBODY AT WORK BETTER THAN YOU
  • 00:42:40.120 --> 00:42:42.010
  • TREAT YOUR SPOUSE.
  • 00:42:42.030 --> 00:42:43.190
  • TREAT EVERYBODY GOOD, BUT LET'S START AT HOME.
  • 00:42:43.210 --> 00:42:45.010
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:42:45.030 --> 00:42:50.160
  • - WE'VE SEEN MAYBE IN OUR OWN FAMILIES WHERE THERE'S SUCH
  • 00:42:50.180 --> 00:42:54.170
  • POTENTIAL IN SOMEONE, AND EVERYBODY ELSE SEES IT, BUT
  • 00:42:54.190 --> 00:42:57.140
  • MAYBE THEY'RE MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO SQUASHES THAT.
  • 00:42:57.160 --> 00:43:02.030
  • AND YOU THINK, MAN, THEY COULD BE SO WONDERFUL AND HAVE SUCH
  • 00:43:02.050 --> 00:43:07.230
  • GOOD SUCCESS IF THEIR WIFE OR THEIR HUSBAND WOULD
  • 00:43:07.250 --> 00:43:11.160
  • SEE THAT AND VALUE THAT.
  • 00:43:11.180 --> 00:43:13.110
  • I THINK THAT'S SO IMPORTANT.
  • 00:43:13.130 --> 00:43:14.290
  • - YOU KNOW, I THINK OF THAT SCRIPTURE, LAURIE -- I DON'T
  • 00:43:15.010 --> 00:43:16.200
  • KNOW IF I CAN QUOTE IF EXACTLY -- BUT IT SAYS BASICALLY THE
  • 00:43:16.220 --> 00:43:19.010
  • WIFE IS THE HUSBAND'S GLORY. IS THAT RIGHT?
  • 00:43:19.030 --> 00:43:21.140
  • THE WIFE IS THE HUSBAND'S GLORY.
  • 00:43:21.160 --> 00:43:24.130
  • I MIGHT BE SAYING IT BACKWARDS, BUT HERE'S THE POINT.
  • 00:43:24.150 --> 00:43:26.210
  • I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T GO TO SEMINARY, BUT HERE'S THE POINT.
  • 00:43:26.230 --> 00:43:29.120
  • IF VICTORIA'S NOT SHINING, IT'S MY FAULT.
  • 00:43:29.140 --> 00:43:33.140
  • NOW, I KNOW THERE CAN BE OTHER ISSUES, BUT MY POINT IS I
  • 00:43:33.160 --> 00:43:36.040
  • RELATE TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, LAURIE BECAUSE THERE'S
  • 00:43:36.060 --> 00:43:40.100
  • HUSBANDS THAT PUSH THEIR WIVES DOWN; I DON'T WANT YOU TO
  • 00:43:40.120 --> 00:43:42.270
  • SHINE, DO THIS, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:43:42.290 --> 00:43:44.090
  • I SEE JUST THE OPPOSITE.
  • 00:43:44.110 --> 00:43:45.280
  • THE BRIGHTER VICTORIA SHINES, THE MORE BEAUTIFUL SHE IS, THE
  • 00:43:46.000 --> 00:43:48.120
  • MORE HAPPY SHE IS, THE SCRIPTURE SAYS THE BETTER IT
  • 00:43:48.140 --> 00:43:51.200
  • MAKES THE HUSBAND LOOK. AND I THINK IT GOES BOTH WAYS.
  • 00:43:51.220 --> 00:43:54.200
  • BUT I JUST THINK THAT, MAN ALIVE, I THINK THAT THERE
  • 00:43:54.220 --> 00:43:58.070
  • ARE RELATIONSHIPS SOMETIMES WHERE THERE'S COMPETITION,
  • 00:43:58.090 --> 00:44:00.060
  • BUT, MAN, I'D RATHER VICTORIA SHINE.
  • 00:44:00.080 --> 00:44:01.240
  • IT JUST MAKES THE MAN LOOK BETTER.
  • 00:44:01.260 --> 00:44:03.170
  • AND YOU FLIP IT AROUND AND SAY, YOU KNOW, IF YOUR WIFE IS
  • 00:44:03.190 --> 00:44:06.230
  • DEPRESSED, DISCOURAGED, NOT ACCOMPLISHING DREAMS, LET'S
  • 00:44:06.250 --> 00:44:09.190
  • TURN IT AROUND, MEN, AND LET'S DO BETTER.
  • 00:44:09.210 --> 00:44:11.090
  • LET'S DO WHAT WE CAN.
  • 00:44:11.110 --> 00:44:13.030
  • I KNOW WE CAN'T MAKE EVERYBODY BE HAPPY, BUT I WOULD WANT TO
  • 00:44:13.050 --> 00:44:16.030
  • -- I THINK WHEN WE GET -- JIMMY EVANS SAYS IT SO GOOD.
  • 00:44:16.050 --> 00:44:20.170
  • I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE SAYING IT, BUT JIMMY EVANS SAYS, YOU KNOW
  • 00:44:20.190 --> 00:44:22.180
  • WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN, GOD'S GOING SAY WHAT DID YOU DO WITH
  • 00:44:22.200 --> 00:44:24.190
  • THE GIFT I GAVE YOU? YOUR SPOUSE.
  • 00:44:24.210 --> 00:44:26.220
  • DID YOU MAKE THEM BETTER?
  • 00:44:26.240 --> 00:44:28.100
  • DID YOU HELP THEM ACCOMPLISH THEIR GOALS?
  • 00:44:28.120 --> 00:44:30.040
  • OR DID YOU JUST KIND OF NOT TAKE TIME FOR THEM OR PUSH
  • 00:44:30.060 --> 00:44:32.090
  • THEM DOWN? SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
  • 00:44:32.110 --> 00:44:34.000
  • - VICTORIA?
  • 00:44:34.020 --> 00:44:35.150
  • - YEAH, I THINK THAT'S GREAT.
  • 00:44:35.170 --> 00:44:37.060
  • YOU KNOW, IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE THE THINGS THAT JOEL
  • 00:44:37.080 --> 00:44:39.280
  • IS STRONG, HIS STRENGTHS, ARE MY WEAKNESSES.
  • 00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:43.270
  • MY STRENGTHS ARE HIS WEAKNESSES, AND I THINK
  • 00:44:43.290 --> 00:44:47.030
  • SOMETIMES, WHEN WE LOOK AT OUR SPOUSE, AND WE SEE OUR OWN
  • 00:44:47.050 --> 00:44:51.060
  • WEAKNESS BECAUSE THEY'RE STRONG, IT DOES SOMETHING TO
  • 00:44:51.080 --> 00:44:54.110
  • THE INSIDE OF US.
  • 00:44:54.130 --> 00:44:56.050
  • WHEN WE SHOULD BE SAYING, YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME,
  • 00:44:56.070 --> 00:45:00.250
  • SOMETIMES WE GET MAD AT OURSELVES BECAUSE WE'RE NOT
  • 00:45:00.270 --> 00:45:03.140
  • THAT PERSON, AND WE BEGIN TO CRITICIZE THAT ABOUT THEM.
  • 00:45:03.160 --> 00:45:06.120
  • BUT IF WE CAN LOOK AT THAT AND REALIZE, YOU KNOW, WE
  • 00:45:06.140 --> 00:45:09.260
  • CAN JUST SAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:45:09.280 --> 00:45:11.230
  • I WANT TO BE MORE LAKE THAT, AND BRING OUT THE
  • 00:45:11.250 --> 00:45:13.220
  • BEST IN EACH OTHER.
  • 00:45:13.240 --> 00:45:15.110
  • I KNOW THAT AREAS THAT JOEL HAS HELPED ME IN
  • 00:45:15.130 --> 00:45:17.230
  • SO MUCH IN MY LIFE.
  • 00:45:17.250 --> 00:45:20.130
  • NOW, HAVE I ALWAYS LIKED THAT I HAD TO WORK ON THOSE AREAS?
  • 00:45:20.150 --> 00:45:24.010
  • NO, BUT WHEN I RESPECT THE FACT OF WHO HE IS, AND I VALUE
  • 00:45:24.030 --> 00:45:29.160
  • THAT, HOW IT CAN MAKE ME BETTER SO WE CAN BECOME --
  • 00:45:29.180 --> 00:45:33.030
  • BECAUSE THE TRUTH IS IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE
  • 00:45:33.050 --> 00:45:35.060
  • MARRIED OR IF YOU'RE SINGLE.
  • 00:45:35.080 --> 00:45:37.090
  • IF YOU'RE NOT GETTING BETTER IN YOUR LIFE,
  • 00:45:37.110 --> 00:45:39.160
  • YOU'RE JUST STAGNANT.
  • 00:45:39.180 --> 00:45:42.140
  • SO ALL OF LIFE IS ABOUT GETTING BETTER.
  • 00:45:42.160 --> 00:45:45.090
  • IT'S ABOUT GETTING BETTER IN EVERY SINGLE AREA.
  • 00:45:45.110 --> 00:45:47.210
  • IT'S JUST MORE CHALLENGING WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO
  • 00:45:47.230 --> 00:45:49.210
  • DO IT WITH SOMEONE.
  • 00:45:49.230 --> 00:45:51.220
  • SO I JUST THINK THAT WHEN WE REALIZE THAT'S WHERE
  • 00:45:51.240 --> 00:45:54.030
  • WE SHOULD BE GOING. WE SHOULD ALWAYS BE MOVING FORWARD.
  • 00:45:54.050 --> 00:45:57.030
  • IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE IN MARRIAGE, IT'S A LITTLE MORE
  • 00:45:57.050 --> 00:45:59.160
  • OF A STRUGGLE SOMETIMES.
  • 00:45:59.180 --> 00:46:01.190
  • BUT I ALWAYS JUST VALUE JOEL BECAUSE I SEE THE BEST IN HIM.
  • 00:46:01.210 --> 00:46:05.190
  • I REALLY DO. I'VE TRAINED MYSELF TO SEE THE BEST IN HIM.
  • 00:46:05.210 --> 00:46:09.220
  • - SPARK CONFERENCE AT LAKEWOOD CHURCH, WATCH THIS.
  • 00:46:09.240 --> 00:46:13.040
  • - SO WE HAVE FIGHTS BECAUSE OF PERCEPTION.
  • 00:46:13.060 --> 00:46:16.080
  • WE HAVE FIGHTS BECAUSE OF JUST OUR FIGHT TYPE.
  • 00:46:16.100 --> 00:46:19.100
  • WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?
  • 00:46:19.120 --> 00:46:20.270
  • LET'S GET INTO ROUND TWO ON HOW TO FIGHT A GOOD FIGHT, A
  • 00:46:20.290 --> 00:46:25.150
  • LITTLE EXERCISE THAT WE CALL SHARING WITHHOLD,
  • 00:46:25.170 --> 00:46:28.020
  • SHARING WITHHOLD.
  • 00:46:28.040 --> 00:46:30.110
  • AND FOR SO MANY OF YOU, THIS IS GOING TO BE SOMETHING THAT
  • 00:46:30.130 --> 00:46:33.170
  • YOU'LL TAKE AWAY FROM OUR TIME THAT REALLY WILL BE A PIVOT
  • 00:46:33.190 --> 00:46:36.150
  • POINT IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:46:36.170 --> 00:46:38.250
  • I PROMISE YOU THIS BECAUSE WE'VE TAUGHT IT TO SO
  • 00:46:38.270 --> 00:46:41.030
  • MANY COUPLES WE KNOW.
  • 00:46:41.050 --> 00:46:43.030
  • EVERY DAY, IN EVERY MARRIAGE, THERE'S INFORMATION THAT WE
  • 00:46:43.050 --> 00:46:47.070
  • WITHHOLD FROM ONE ANOTHER, NOT BECAUSE WE'RE
  • 00:46:47.090 --> 00:46:49.180
  • SECRETIVE OR PRIVATE.
  • 00:46:49.200 --> 00:46:51.130
  • IT'S JUST THAT WE'RE TRAVELING AT THE SPEED OF LIFE.
  • 00:46:51.150 --> 00:46:53.150
  • WE DON'T GET TO SHARE EVERYTHING THAT POPS INTO OUR
  • 00:46:53.170 --> 00:46:55.240
  • HEAD. AND SO WE HAVE POSITIVE WITHHOLDS.
  • 00:46:55.260 --> 00:46:58.160
  • WE HAVE NEGATIVE WITHHOLDS.
  • 00:46:58.180 --> 00:47:00.230
  • - YEAH, I MEAN, THE OTHER DAY, SOMETHING HAPPENED THAT
  • 00:47:00.250 --> 00:47:03.230
  • BECAME A POSITIVE WITHHOLD FOR ME BECAUSE I HAPPENED TO WALK
  • 00:47:03.250 --> 00:47:05.260
  • IN THE ROOM RIGHT AS LES WAS HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH OUR
  • 00:47:05.280 --> 00:47:09.210
  • SON WHO'S GETTING READY TO GO TO COLLEGE, AND I JUST
  • 00:47:09.230 --> 00:47:12.170
  • HAPPENED TO OVERHEAR IT, BUT IT WAS ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS.
  • 00:47:12.190 --> 00:47:15.190
  • AND IT WAS A PARENTING ISSUE I'D BEEN PRAYING ABOUT
  • 00:47:15.210 --> 00:47:17.250
  • EARLIER THAT DAY, HAD NO IDEA HOW TO ADDRESS.
  • 00:47:17.270 --> 00:47:20.200
  • I WALK INTO, AND THERE IS LES JUST DOING IT,
  • 00:47:20.220 --> 00:47:23.130
  • LIKE THE BEST FATHER EVER.
  • 00:47:23.150 --> 00:47:25.110
  • BUT I WASN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING IN FRONT
  • 00:47:25.130 --> 00:47:27.020
  • OF OUR SON, RIGHT?
  • 00:47:27.040 --> 00:47:28.230
  • BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE, TAKE AWAY
  • 00:47:28.250 --> 00:47:30.170
  • FROM THAT, AND I JUST THOUGHT, I ADMIRE THAT SO MUCH. WOW.
  • 00:47:30.190 --> 00:47:33.160
  • AND I'LL NEVER FORGET TO TELL HIM THAT, BUT OF COURSE, THE
  • 00:47:33.180 --> 00:47:37.220
  • DAY GOT BUSY, AND TIME WENT ON, AND I COMPLETELY FORGOT.
  • 00:47:37.240 --> 00:47:40.130
  • - SO IT WAS A POSITIVE WITHHOLD.
  • 00:47:40.150 --> 00:47:42.110
  • IT WAS LIKE A COMPLIMENT THAT REGISTERED IN YOUR MIND ABOUT
  • 00:47:42.130 --> 00:47:44.250
  • ME, BUT YOU DIDN'T SHARE IT WITH ME JUST BECAUSE.
  • 00:47:44.270 --> 00:47:47.010
  • - TOTALLY.
  • 00:47:47.030 --> 00:47:48.210
  • - RIGHT, AND I'M GUESSING THAT HAPPENS A LOT.
  • 00:47:48.230 --> 00:47:50.110
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:47:50.130 --> 00:47:54.010
  • ALL THE TIME.
  • 00:47:54.030 --> 00:47:55.170
  • - ENDLESSLY.
  • 00:47:55.190 --> 00:47:57.020
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:47:57.040 --> 00:47:58.290
  • - THE TRUTH IS IT DOES HAPPEN A LOT FOR HER AND FOR ME
  • 00:47:59.010 --> 00:48:01.110
  • AND FOR THE TWO OF YOU.
  • 00:48:01.130 --> 00:48:03.080
  • THERE'S POSITIVE THINGS THAT REGISTER IN OUR MIND ABOUT OUR
  • 00:48:03.100 --> 00:48:06.040
  • PARTNER THAT WE NEVER DO SHARE WITH EACH OTHER JUST
  • 00:48:06.060 --> 00:48:08.150
  • BECAUSE OF LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES.
  • 00:48:08.170 --> 00:48:10.130
  • - IT JUST HAPPENS.
  • 00:48:10.150 --> 00:48:12.040
  • - AND THEN WE HAVE NEGATIVE WITHHOLDS, NEGATIVE WITHHOLDS.
  • 00:48:12.060 --> 00:48:16.010
  • MAYBE WE'RE OUT TO DINNER WITH FRIENDS, AND WE'RE HAVING A
  • 00:48:16.030 --> 00:48:19.140
  • GOOD TIME, AND EVERYBODY'S LAUGHING AND JOKING AROUND
  • 00:48:19.160 --> 00:48:21.260
  • THE TABLE AND SO FORTH.
  • 00:48:21.280 --> 00:48:23.190
  • I SAY SOMETHING I THINK IS PRETTY FUNNY.
  • 00:48:23.210 --> 00:48:25.090
  • EVERYBODY SEEMS TO LAUGH, AND THEN LESLIE'S KIND OF
  • 00:48:25.110 --> 00:48:27.130
  • LAUGHING, BUT THEN SHE THINKS TO HERSELF, WAIT A SECOND.
  • 00:48:27.150 --> 00:48:29.120
  • WAS THAT KIND OF A JAB?
  • 00:48:29.140 --> 00:48:31.040
  • WAS HE SENDING ME A MESSAGE THERE?
  • 00:48:31.060 --> 00:48:32.270
  • WAS THAT A LITTLE BIT OF A JAB, YOU KNOW?
  • 00:48:32.290 --> 00:48:34.200
  • AND SHE'S NOT GOING TO CON FRONT ME THERE IN
  • 00:48:34.220 --> 00:48:36.180
  • FRONT OF OUR FRIENDS.
  • 00:48:36.200 --> 00:48:38.120
  • THAT WOULD BE EMBARRASSING, SO SHE'S GOING TO WAIT
  • 00:48:38.140 --> 00:48:40.060
  • UNTIL WE GET HOME. WELL, IT'S MIDNIGHT.
  • 00:48:40.080 --> 00:48:42.020
  • SHE'S THINKING, OH, I DON'T WANT TO BRING THIS UP AND STIR
  • 00:48:42.040 --> 00:48:43.230
  • SOMETHING UP RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:48:43.250 --> 00:48:45.170
  • I'LL WAIT AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING.
  • 00:48:45.190 --> 00:48:47.090
  • IN THE MORNING, I'M OFF TO WORK, OR SHE'S OFF TO WORK OR
  • 00:48:47.110 --> 00:48:49.020
  • WHATEVER, AND BY THE TIME WE RECONNECT AT THE END OF NEXT
  • 00:48:49.040 --> 00:48:50.280
  • DAY, THAT NEGATIVE FEELING HAS JUST KIND OF
  • 00:48:51.000 --> 00:48:53.010
  • BEEN BURIED, RIGHT?
  • 00:48:53.030 --> 00:48:55.020
  • AND WHAT HAPPENS TO NEGATIVE FEELINGS THAT WE BURY?
  • 00:48:55.040 --> 00:48:57.160
  • [AUDIENCE TALKING AMONG THEMSELVES] EXACTLY.
  • 00:48:57.180 --> 00:49:00.280
  • THEY HAVE A HIGH RATE OF RESURRECTION.
  • 00:49:01.000 --> 00:49:03.180
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:49:03.200 --> 00:49:09.190
  • AND WE GO, WHOA, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM, RIGHT?
  • 00:49:09.210 --> 00:49:12.170
  • AND YOU EVER FELT LIKE I STEPPED ON A LAND MINE IN YOUR
  • 00:49:12.190 --> 00:49:15.180
  • MARRIAGE?
  • 00:49:15.200 --> 00:49:17.120
  • IT'S JUST LIKE, WOW, THAT IS WAY OVERBOARD AND EMOTIONAL
  • 00:49:17.140 --> 00:49:20.060
  • FOR WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE.
  • 00:49:20.080 --> 00:49:22.010
  • IT'S BECAUSE SOMETHING IS WOUNDED DOWN THERE.
  • 00:49:22.030 --> 00:49:23.290
  • YOU JUST STEPPED ON A WOUND, RIGHT?
  • 00:49:24.010 --> 00:49:25.270
  • AND SO THIS LITTLE EXERCISE, SHARING WITHHOLD, ALLOWS YOU
  • 00:49:25.290 --> 00:49:30.010
  • TO KIND OF TAKE THE LAND MINES OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE AND GET
  • 00:49:30.030 --> 00:49:32.230
  • TO HEAR SOME OF THESE POSITIVE WITHHOLDS THAT
  • 00:49:32.250 --> 00:49:35.240
  • YOU'VE BEEN MISSING OUT ON. HERE'S HOW IT GOES.
  • 00:49:35.260 --> 00:49:37.280
  • ONE OF US WILL JUST SIMPLY SAY, HEY, WOULD YOU LIKE
  • 00:49:38.000 --> 00:49:40.130
  • TO SHARE WITHHOLDS?
  • 00:49:40.150 --> 00:49:42.100
  • IF THE OTHER PERSON AGREES, WE GET OUT A LITTLE PIECE OF
  • 00:49:42.120 --> 00:49:44.150
  • SCRATCH PAPER, AND WE WRITE DOWN THREE WITHHOLDS, TWO
  • 00:49:44.170 --> 00:49:48.080
  • POSITIVE AND ONE NEGATIVE.
  • 00:49:48.100 --> 00:49:50.180
  • AND THESE HAVE ALL HAPPENED WITHIN THE LAST 48 HOURS.
  • 00:49:50.200 --> 00:49:53.150
  • - THEY'RE CURRENT.
  • 00:49:53.170 --> 00:49:55.100
  • THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT, REALLY CURRENT STUFF.
  • 00:49:55.120 --> 00:49:57.070
  • - WE'RE NOT DREDGING STUFF UP AND IT'S NOT LIKE "IN 2009,
  • 00:49:57.090 --> 00:50:00.000
  • YOU DID THIS." IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF STUFF.
  • 00:50:00.020 --> 00:50:02.210
  • IT'S CURRENT STUFF, LAST 48 HOURS.
  • 00:50:02.230 --> 00:50:05.150
  • AND EVEN THINK RIGHT NOW, SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU SAY, HEY,
  • 00:50:05.170 --> 00:50:08.120
  • DO YOU WANT TO SHARE WITHHOLD?
  • 00:50:08.140 --> 00:50:10.070
  • - YOU GET A BLANK LOOK ON YOUR FACE.
  • 00:50:10.090 --> 00:50:12.030
  • - WE'VE TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING.
  • 00:50:12.050 --> 00:50:14.060
  • AND THEN GIVE ME LIKE THREE MINUTES AND A LITTLE PIECE OF
  • 00:50:14.080 --> 00:50:16.190
  • SCRATCH PAPER, AND THEN I REALIZE AFTER A COUPLE OF
  • 00:50:16.210 --> 00:50:18.270
  • MINUTES, OH, I HAVE TO LIMIT IT TO JUST THREE.
  • 00:50:18.290 --> 00:50:20.240
  • BECAUSE IT JUST TAKES A LITTLE WHILE FOR
  • 00:50:20.260 --> 00:50:22.230
  • THE WHEELS TO TURN.
  • 00:50:22.250 --> 00:50:24.180
  • THINK RIGHT NOW, WHAT'S A POSITIVE WITHHOLD THAT YOU
  • 00:50:24.200 --> 00:50:26.260
  • HAVEN'T SHARED WITH YOUR SPOUSE IN THE LAST 48 HOURS?
  • 00:50:26.280 --> 00:50:29.160
  • IT TAKES A LITTLE WHILE FOR THAT TO KIND OF KICK IN.
  • 00:50:29.180 --> 00:50:32.050
  • BUT ONCE BOTH OF US HAVE AGREED TO DO THIS, SHALL WE
  • 00:50:32.070 --> 00:50:36.040
  • DEMONSTRATE THIS A LITTLE BIT?
  • 00:50:36.060 --> 00:50:38.000
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:50:38.020 --> 00:50:39.220
  • - IF WE'VE BOTH WRITTEN DOWN OR THREE WITHHOLDS,
  • 00:50:39.240 --> 00:50:41.130
  • THEN WE WOULD SIMPLY SHARE OUR WITHHOLDS.
  • 00:50:41.150 --> 00:50:42.230
  • DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THIS OR DO YOU WANT TO DO IT?
  • 00:50:42.250 --> 00:50:44.050
  • - I CAN SHARE.
  • 00:50:44.070 --> 00:50:45.250
  • ACTUALLY, I HAVEN'T HAD A CHANCE TO TELL YOU THIS
  • 00:50:45.270 --> 00:50:47.140
  • BECAUSE YESTERDAY WAS SUCH A HECTIC TRAVEL DAY, AND I
  • 00:50:47.160 --> 00:50:49.190
  • COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
  • 00:50:49.210 --> 00:50:51.230
  • I WOKE UP FEELING PRESSURED WITH EVERYTHING I HAD TO DO TO
  • 00:50:51.250 --> 00:50:54.100
  • GET US OUT OF THE HOUSE AND THE BOYS SET, AND I WALKED
  • 00:50:54.120 --> 00:50:57.170
  • INTO THE KITCHEN, WHICH HAD BEEN A MESS, AND I REALIZED
  • 00:50:57.190 --> 00:51:00.210
  • YOU HAD ACTUALLY LOADED THE DISHWASHER, WIPED DOWN THE
  • 00:51:00.230 --> 00:51:04.040
  • COUNTERS, AND IT WAS ALL SET FOR US TO ACTUALLY LEAVE, AND
  • 00:51:04.060 --> 00:51:07.250
  • IT WAS IN GREAT SHAPE, AND I DIDN'T HAVE A
  • 00:51:07.270 --> 00:51:09.150
  • CHANCE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT.
  • 00:51:09.170 --> 00:51:10.290
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:51:11.010 --> 00:51:16.230
  • - ALL RIGHT, SO IN THIS EXERCISE -- BY THE WAY, I JUST
  • 00:51:16.250 --> 00:51:20.000
  • HAVE TO TELL YOU. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
  • 00:51:20.020 --> 00:51:21.120
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:21.140 --> 00:51:29.120
  • I'M GETTING A MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR UP HERE.
  • 00:51:29.140 --> 00:51:31.080
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:31.100 --> 00:51:36.250
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:36.250 --> 00:51:44.110
  • SOMETIMES LESLIE DOES HER OWN LITTLE SEMINAR RIGHT HERE.
  • 00:51:44.130 --> 00:51:46.100
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:46.120 --> 00:51:50.000
  • NICELY PLAYED.
  • 00:51:50.020 --> 00:51:51.210
  • - EVERY TIME.
  • 00:51:51.230 --> 00:51:53.150
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:53.170 --> 00:51:57.110
  • - VERY GOOD.
  • 00:51:57.130 --> 00:51:59.010
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:59.030 --> 00:52:03.160
  • IF IT HAD HAPPENED --
  • 00:52:03.180 --> 00:52:04.290
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:52:05.010 --> 00:52:07.090
  • I WOULD SIMPLY RESPOND WITH TWO WORDS, AND THOSE TWO WORDS
  • 00:52:07.110 --> 00:52:09.180
  • ARE "THANK YOU." RIGHT?
  • 00:52:09.200 --> 00:52:12.280
  • - JUST RECEIVE IT. - RIGHT.
  • 00:52:13.000 --> 00:52:14.220
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:52:14.240 --> 00:52:17.060
  • OH, I RECEIVED IT, YEAH.
  • 00:52:17.080 --> 00:52:18.270
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:52:18.290 --> 00:52:22.050
  • IN OTHER WORDS, THANK YOU FOR SHARING THE INFORMATION.
  • 00:52:22.070 --> 00:52:24.120
  • THAT'S ALL THIS IS, OKAY?
  • 00:52:24.140 --> 00:52:27.040
  • ALL RIGHT, AND THEN SHE WOULD SHARE A NEGATIVE WITHHOLD...
  • 00:52:27.060 --> 00:52:30.020
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:52:30.040 --> 00:52:33.210
  • BUT DO YOU REALLY NEED TO AT THIS POINT?
  • 00:52:33.230 --> 00:52:35.210
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:52:35.230 --> 00:52:39.190
  • - WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE SURPRISED BY THIS I DON'T
  • 00:52:39.210 --> 00:52:41.200
  • THINK AT ALL BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE.
  • 00:52:41.220 --> 00:52:45.110
  • - WELL, I WAS ON THE LAST ONE, SO...
  • 00:52:45.130 --> 00:52:47.080
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:52:47.100 --> 00:52:49.190
  • - IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE, AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN JUST
  • 00:52:49.210 --> 00:52:51.090
  • RECENTLY.
  • 00:52:51.110 --> 00:52:53.010
  • YOU LITERALLY TOOK OUR VISA BILL, AND YOU HAD TAKEN THE
  • 00:52:53.030 --> 00:52:56.020
  • TIME WITH A RED SHARPIE TO GO THROUGH AND CIRCLE EVERY ONE
  • 00:52:56.040 --> 00:52:58.130
  • OF MY STARBUCKS CHARGES FOR THE MONTH, AND THEN YOU PUT IT
  • 00:52:58.150 --> 00:53:01.290
  • ON MY DESK.
  • 00:53:02.010 --> 00:53:03.250
  • AND AT THE TOP, YOU HAD WRITTEN A GIANT QUESTION MARK
  • 00:53:03.270 --> 00:53:06.080
  • AND THE WORD "REALLY?"
  • 00:53:06.100 --> 00:53:10.200
  • SO I WOKE YOU EARLY, CAME OUT FOR MY COFFEE, AND THERE WAS
  • 00:53:10.220 --> 00:53:13.080
  • THIS WAITING FOR ME, AND I SAT DOWN WITH IT.
  • 00:53:13.100 --> 00:53:17.010
  • I WAS LIKE, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AGAIN?
  • 00:53:17.030 --> 00:53:19.120
  • HE KNOWS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS.
  • 00:53:19.140 --> 00:53:21.180
  • AND I LOOKED AT IT, AND I MEAN, I WENT THROUGH EVERY
  • 00:53:21.200 --> 00:53:23.280
  • CHARGE, AND EVERY ONE OF THEM WAS SO LEGIT.
  • 00:53:24.000 --> 00:53:26.190
  • I WAS THERE WITH MY COLLEGE GIRLS I MENTOR.
  • 00:53:26.210 --> 00:53:30.160
  • I WAS WRITING. I TOOK THE KIDS. I HAD MY MOM AND AUNT.
  • 00:53:30.180 --> 00:53:33.100
  • I WENT DOWN THE LIST.
  • 00:53:33.120 --> 00:53:34.290
  • THEY WERE ACTUALLY MINISTRY MOMENTS.
  • 00:53:35.010 --> 00:53:36.180
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:53:36.200 --> 00:53:39.190
  • - OKAY.
  • 00:53:39.210 --> 00:53:41.090
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:53:41.110 --> 00:53:44.180
  • FIRST OF ALL, THIS DID HAPPEN. HOW CONVENIENT.
  • 00:53:44.200 --> 00:53:49.250
  • AND IN THIS EXERCISE, I SIMPLY RESPOND WITH TWO WORDS,
  • 00:53:49.270 --> 00:53:53.210
  • AND THE TWO WORDS ARE...
  • 00:53:53.230 --> 00:53:55.060
  • [CONGREGATION RESPONDING]
  • 00:53:55.080 --> 00:53:56.280
  • NOT "I'M SORRY" BECAUSE I MAY NOT BE SORRY YET.
  • 00:53:57.000 --> 00:53:59.070
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:53:59.090 --> 00:54:00.290
  • THE TWO WORDS ARE "THANK YOU." IN OTHER WORDS, THANK YOU FOR
  • 00:54:01.010 --> 00:54:04.050
  • SHARING THE INFORMATION.
  • 00:54:04.070 --> 00:54:05.260
  • THAT'S ALL THIS IS IS AN EXERCISE IN
  • 00:54:05.280 --> 00:54:07.090
  • SHARING THE INFORMATION.
  • 00:54:07.110 --> 00:54:09.010
  • - YEAH, JUST BEING THERE.
  • 00:54:09.030 --> 00:54:10.210
  • - SO JUST THANK YOU.
  • 00:54:10.230 --> 00:54:12.110
  • NOW, THEN SHE WOULD SHARE ANOTHER POSITIVE WITHHOLD.
  • 00:54:12.130 --> 00:54:14.130
  • THANK GOODNESS WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS RIGHT NOW, BUT...
  • 00:54:14.150 --> 00:54:16.060
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:54:16.080 --> 00:54:18.010
  • SHE WOULD SHARE ANOTHER POSITIVE WITHHOLD, AND THEN IT
  • 00:54:18.030 --> 00:54:20.270
  • WOULD BE MY TURN TO SHARE MY THREE WITHHOLDS, OKAY?
  • 00:54:20.290 --> 00:54:24.080
  • NOW, ONE OF THE THINGS WE'VE LEARNED THROUGH THE YEARS OF
  • 00:54:24.100 --> 00:54:26.220
  • DOING THIS, THE PERSON THAT GOES SECOND NEEDS TO
  • 00:54:26.240 --> 00:54:29.060
  • STICK WITH THEIR THREE ORIGINAL WITHHOLDS.
  • 00:54:29.080 --> 00:54:32.020
  • - THAT'S RIGHT. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:54:32.040 --> 00:54:35.060
  • - YOU UNDERSTAND, RIGHT?
  • 00:54:35.080 --> 00:54:38.280
  • THEN I WOULD SHARE MY THREE WITHHOLDS.
  • 00:54:39.000 --> 00:54:40.120
  • SHE WOULD SAY, THANK YOU.
  • 00:54:40.140 --> 00:54:42.020
  • AND THEN HERE'S THE REAL CAVEAT FOR THIS WHOLE THING
  • 00:54:42.040 --> 00:54:43.200
  • THAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.
  • 00:54:43.220 --> 00:54:45.180
  • FOR THE FIRST 30 MINUTES, FOR THE NEXT HALF HOUR,
  • 00:54:45.200 --> 00:54:49.000
  • THOSE NEGATIVE WITHHOLDS ARE OFF LIMITS.
  • 00:54:49.020 --> 00:54:51.090
  • FOR THE NEXT HALF HOUR, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THOSE NEGATIVE.
  • 00:54:51.110 --> 00:54:54.100
  • IT'S NOT LIKE WE SIT THERE FOR 30 MINUTES SAYING, ALL RIGHT,
  • 00:54:54.120 --> 00:54:56.160
  • TEN MORE MINUTES. YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT, YOU KNOW?
  • 00:54:56.180 --> 00:54:58.170
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:54:58.190 --> 00:55:00.120
  • WE JUST GO ON WITH LIFE, OKAY?
  • 00:55:00.140 --> 00:55:02.270
  • AND THE VAST MAJORITY, 9O% OF THE TIME, WE DON'T
  • 00:55:02.290 --> 00:55:05.140
  • EVEN COME BACK TO THEM.
  • 00:55:05.160 --> 00:55:07.070
  • - AND THAT'S SO TRUE. IT WAS ENOUGH TO BE HEARD.
  • 00:55:07.090 --> 00:55:08.240
  • - EXACTLY.
  • 00:55:08.260 --> 00:55:10.120
  • - BUT WHEN WE DO COME BACK, THAT CONVERSATION IS A TOTALLY
  • 00:55:10.140 --> 00:55:13.080
  • DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE THAN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WHEN
  • 00:55:13.100 --> 00:55:15.250
  • IT WAS FRESH AND WE WERE FEELING DEFENSIVE.
  • 00:55:15.270 --> 00:55:17.190
  • - IT'S A SOFT ONSET.
  • 00:55:17.210 --> 00:55:19.080
  • YOU GO FROM REACTING TO RESPONDING, A LITTLE SANITY
  • 00:55:19.100 --> 00:55:21.100
  • SEEPS DOWN INTO THE CORTEX OF YOUR BRAIN, AND MAYBE THE HOLY
  • 00:55:21.120 --> 00:55:24.190
  • SPIRIT BEGINS TO WORK THROUGH YOU, AND YOU BEGIN TO BE
  • 00:55:24.210 --> 00:55:26.200
  • ABLE TO PROCESS THIS.
  • 00:55:26.220 --> 00:55:28.200
  • CAN YOU SEE HOW THIS CAN WORK?
  • 00:55:28.220 --> 00:55:32.000
  • I'M TELLING YOU, YOU KNOW WE OFTEN TELL NEWLYWEDS CHOOSE
  • 00:55:32.020 --> 00:55:34.220
  • YOUR RUTS CAREFULLY BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN
  • 00:55:34.240 --> 00:55:36.160
  • THEM FOR A LONG TIME.
  • 00:55:36.180 --> 00:55:38.270
  • THIS IS THE WAY TO CARVE A NEW GROOVE INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP,
  • 00:55:38.290 --> 00:55:42.110
  • NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED.
  • 00:55:42.130 --> 00:55:44.280
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:55:45.000 --> 00:55:46.290
  • - PASTOR JOEL, KIND OF FINAL THOUGHTS ON THIS, AND PRAY FOR
  • 00:55:47.010 --> 00:55:50.020
  • THE FOLKS THAT ARE KIND OF THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY
  • 00:55:50.040 --> 00:55:53.180
  • THINK THEY'RE SEEING.
  • 00:55:53.200 --> 00:55:55.100
  • WE ALL HAVE -- WE'RE ALL MARRIED, SO THE FOUR OF US
  • 00:55:55.120 --> 00:55:58.090
  • ALL HAVE ISSUES, BUT FOR SOME REASON, THEY THINK THAT
  • 00:55:58.110 --> 00:56:01.270
  • PEOPLE ON TELEVISION DON'T EVER HAVE ANY ISSUES.
  • 00:56:01.290 --> 00:56:04.050
  • THAT KIND OF THING.
  • 00:56:04.070 --> 00:56:05.200
  • SO YOU JUST PRAY FOR THE FOLKS.
  • 00:56:05.220 --> 00:56:06.290
  • - YEAH, I WOULD LOVE TO. LET'S JUST PRAY AGAIN.
  • 00:56:07.010 --> 00:56:08.140
  • LORD, THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE HERE
  • 00:56:08.160 --> 00:56:10.290
  • TONIGHT, AND LORD, WE KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT ARE
  • 00:56:11.010 --> 00:56:13.170
  • WATCHING THAT ARE STRUGGLING IN THEIR MARRIAGE AND THEIR
  • 00:56:13.190 --> 00:56:15.130
  • RELATIONSHIPS, AND I JUST PRAY TONIGHT THAT IT WOULD BE A NEW
  • 00:56:15.150 --> 00:56:17.120
  • BEGINNING, THAT HOPE WOULD BEGIN TO FILL THEIR HEARTS,
  • 00:56:17.140 --> 00:56:20.290
  • FATHER, THAT YOU WOULD HEAL THE HURTS OF THE PAST.
  • 00:56:21.010 --> 00:56:23.280
  • WE'VE ALL BEEN THROUGH THINGS THAT ARE WRONG, BUT, LORD, YOU
  • 00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:26.100
  • KNOW YOU SAID YOU WOULD GIVE BEAUTY FOR ASHES.
  • 00:56:26.120 --> 00:56:28.260
  • SO I JUST PRAY TONIGHT THAT HEALING AND HOPE AND JUST
  • 00:56:28.280 --> 00:56:32.090
  • FRESH VISION FOR THEIR MARRIAGE, LORD, THAT THEY'D
  • 00:56:32.110 --> 00:56:35.120
  • FALL BACK IN LOVE, THAT THEY'D REMEMBER THE REASON THEY FELL
  • 00:56:35.140 --> 00:56:38.020
  • IN LOVE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
  • 00:56:38.040 --> 00:56:40.080
  • AND, LORD, I JUST PRAY THAT YOU WOULD GIVE THEM THE
  • 00:56:40.100 --> 00:56:42.120
  • STRENGTH TO LET GO OF THE OLD AND, FATHER, JUST RECEIVE THIS
  • 00:56:42.140 --> 00:56:45.040
  • AS A NEW BEGINNING IN THEIR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:56:45.060 --> 00:56:47.000
  • WE DO SPEAK LIFE AND STRENGTH AND PEACE AND HARMONY AND
  • 00:56:47.020 --> 00:56:50.000
  • JOY AND LAUGHTER IN YOUR HOME ONCE AGAIN.
  • 00:56:50.020 --> 00:56:53.090
  • IN THE NAME OF JESUS WE PRAY. AMEN.
  • 00:56:53.110 --> 00:56:55.290
  • - AMEN, WOW. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:56:56.010 --> 00:56:58.150
  • JOHN, FINAL THOUGHTS, 20 SECONDS.
  • 00:56:58.170 --> 00:57:01.000
  • - I'M TELLING YOU THIS IS THE MOMENT THAT THE CHURCH NEEDS
  • 00:57:01.020 --> 00:57:04.030
  • TO RISE UP, AND OUR MARRIAGES CAN BE STRENGTHENED.
  • 00:57:04.050 --> 00:57:07.090
  • WE CAN BE BLESSED. WE CAN BE RESTORED. THIS IS THE MOMENT.
  • 00:57:07.110 --> 00:57:09.260
  • COVER YOUR SPOUSE.
  • 00:57:09.280 --> 00:57:11.140
  • LOVE EACH OTHER, AND LIVE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW.
  • 00:57:11.160 --> 00:57:14.070
  • GOD BLESS.
  • 00:57:14.090 --> 00:57:15.210
  • - THANK YOU, BYE BYE.
  • 00:57:15.230 --> 00:57:17.110
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:57:17.130 --> 00:57:20.030
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:57:20.050 --> 00:57:27.000
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:57:27.000 --> 00:57:34.170