Rules of Communication in Marriage Part 2 | TBN

Rules of Communication in Marriage Part 2

Watch Rules of Communication in Marriage  Part 2
March 2, 2017
28:29

Living by Faith with Mike & DeeDee Freeman

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Rules of Communication in Marriage Part 2

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  • That was the most profound thing that anybody married
  • 00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:02.200
  • had ever said to me because what she was saying was
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  • when I took my vows, I included the dark days.
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  • I included the rough patch in my I do,
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  • and if he ran--
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  • - And we take the dark days even out of our vows.
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  • - Right, and even when it started to get rough
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  • and he was unfaithful, she was ready to go through
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  • that because she believed in the other side.
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  • And so that, it was early in our marriage,
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  • Today, on Living by Faith...
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  • I know what she likes.
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  • - Like, I love the theater.
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  • I come from the theater, I went to NYU.
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  • I studied acting, classically trained.
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  • I wanted to like, you know, be on Broadway all the time,
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  • and he could care less about a play.
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  • But he always, we go to New York, he always finds
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  • the tickets to the show that I wanna see--
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  • - [Mike] You've seen Hamilton already?
  • 00:01:25.250 --> 00:01:27.050
  • - No, we haven't seen Hamilton yet.
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  • Yeah, we're going to see it.
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  • - You gotta step up your game.
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  • (audience laughing)
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  • I already been.
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  • - No way.
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  • (audience laughing)
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  • Not yet, I'm workin' on it.
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  • We're gonna get there before Jesus get back.
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  • (laughing)
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  • - Does anyone want to ask us any questions?
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  • 'Cause you know, we talkin' a lot.
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  • (talking over each other)
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  • - It goes both ways because I know what she likes.
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  • And I know how I can put a smile on her face.
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  • She said, theater was her love, so whenever we go
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  • to New York we go to the theater.
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  • And it's not like I don't like it.
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  • I enjoy it, but she loves the theater,
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  • and when she performed, she was on Broadway,
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  • she performed in Streetcar Named Desire,
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  • she was the first African American to play Blanche DuBois
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  • on Broadway.
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  • (cheering)
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  • That's right, in history!
  • 00:02:24.230 --> 00:02:26.250
  • And then two years later she played Cleopatra
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  • in Anthony and Cleopatra.
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  • At the McCarter Theatre in Princeton.
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  • So, she was there for six weeks during the summer.
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  • So I took the kids and I rented a house in Princeton
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  • and we were there for six weeks.
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  • - [Mike] Come on.
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  • - Because we knew it was important.
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  • And she had the best time and she loved it,
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  • and we loved it,
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  • so it goes both ways.
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  • And it never stops.
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  • Figure out ways how to put a smile on your woman's face.
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  • - It goes both ways and it never stops.
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  • - [Boris] And guess what, when you do that,
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  • that when you do that, she steps up her game.
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  • Which makes you step up your game,
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  • which makes her step up her game again.
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  • And you keep growing.
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  • - And then there's no time for shadiness.
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  • There's no time, there's no room, like he's trying
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  • to get home to lasagna.
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  • - That's right.
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  • And outfit.
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  • - And if you're eating good at home,
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  • you never have to eat out.
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  • - [Boris] That's right.
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  • (cheering)
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  • 'Cause a man's gotta eat.
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  • - Man gotta eat.
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  • - [Boris] Man gotta eat.
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  • - Brother gotta eat.
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  • - [Boris] Brother gotta eat.
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  • - Must eat.
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  • - [Boris] Must eat.
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  • (audience laughing)
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  • - You said you took her off the market, one way.
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  • I ran this statement about your staying a certain
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  • weight, a size, you took her off the market.
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  • - You got in so much trouble,
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  • that was taken out of context--
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  • - [Mike] Yeah, I heard that and so, talk about that.
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  • - Well what I was--
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  • - [Mike] What did you mean?
  • 00:03:58.220 --> 00:03:59.290
  • - Listen, what I meant was, what I said was
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  • I took her off the market.
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  • Which means that I have to satisfy all of her needs,
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  • right, I have to cater to who she is,
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  • and I have to show appreciation, I have to cherish her.
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  • And appreciate her.
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  • - Absolutely.
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  • - And, I also can't slip.
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  • And I mean that spiritually.
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  • - [Mike] Come on, man.
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  • - I mean that mentally and physically.
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  • Because just because you're getting married,
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  • doesn't mean you should start coasting.
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  • What it means actually, is that now you should be
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  • even more inspired to be a better version of who
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  • you were yesterday.
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  • So, this right here, it's not a shackle.
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  • This is not a jail.
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  • This is supposed to be, this is like a ring of empowerment.
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  • Right?
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  • This should give you wings to fly.
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  • And be better every single day while you're with her.
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  • - It makes you 10.000 times more powerful than you were.
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  • That's what the scripture says, one can chase a 1.000.
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  • Two can put 10.000 in flight.
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  • That's where the empowerment comes from.
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  • And so, what was your point?
  • 00:05:14.090 --> 00:05:17.010
  • That's what you--
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  • - Somebody asked him, "Well if Nicole gained 100 pounds,
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  • "would you be upset?"
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  • - [Mike] Right, and what did you say?
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  • - Okay (audience laughing).
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  • I said yes I would be upset.
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  • And it's not about the weight.
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  • It's about her losing herself.
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  • I would be just as upset if she stopped being a
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  • spiritual person, right?
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  • If she lost her faith.
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  • - Come on, we'll take about that.
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  • - If she stopped reading books.
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  • And sat at home on the couch watching TV all day.
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  • I would be just as upset, and I would try to figure out
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  • a way how to inspire her, how to motivate her,
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  • how to help her out to get her back to who she was.
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  • - I've been trying to get my lady to the gym.
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  • And I've been failing miserably, what--
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  • (audience laughing)
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  • - You have to be the initiator.
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  • I got that answer.
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  • You go, I go.
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  • I follow.
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  • - Hold on a second, you want her to go,
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  • but you're not going?
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  • Is that what's going on?
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  • (audience laughing)
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  • Are you serious?
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  • - I'm going.
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  • (laughing)
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  • - what kind of hypocrisy is that?
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  • What is that?
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  • (audience laughing)
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  • Go ahead, go to the gym (talking over each other).
  • 00:06:36.030 --> 00:06:40.190
  • - Let me shift for a moment, 'cause I do want to open
  • 00:06:40.190 --> 00:06:43.070
  • it up, but your daughter.
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  • - Yes?
  • 00:06:47.060 --> 00:06:48.010
  • - What are their names, your children?
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  • - Sophie is 11 and Nicolas is nine.
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  • - Okay, the kids are there.
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  • - [Boris] There they are.
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  • - Now Sophie has a physical challenge.
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  • - Yes, she has a birth defect.
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  • - If you don't mind speaking about that.
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  • - No problem--
  • 00:07:06.120 --> 00:07:07.200
  • - Because you're married and you have a child--
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  • - With special needs.
  • 00:07:11.130 --> 00:07:13.000
  • - With special needs, what kind of strain is that on
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  • the relationship?
  • 00:07:15.190 --> 00:07:17.010
  • I mean, talk about--
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  • - [Nicole] Can I say something?
  • 00:07:19.260 --> 00:07:20.260
  • - [Boris] Sure, please.
  • 00:07:20.260 --> 00:07:23.090
  • - We were enjoying each other.
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  • We were going to yes, get married and have kids,
  • 00:07:26.110 --> 00:07:29.290
  • but the minute we committed to each other it was like
  • 00:07:29.290 --> 00:07:32.200
  • sexy, Hollywood couple, we were ready to enjoy that time
  • 00:07:32.200 --> 00:07:36.060
  • period and then we got married and had kids,
  • 00:07:36.060 --> 00:07:39.070
  • and not only did we have a child right away,
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  • but we had a child with special needs.
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  • And that moment, Boris, we heard that number one
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  • breakup in a marriage is not necessarily infidelity,
  • 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:52.170
  • but it's finances, money, fightin' over money.
  • 00:07:52.170 --> 00:07:55.020
  • And the strain of special needs children.
  • 00:07:55.020 --> 00:07:58.160
  • The husband can't deal with it, or the wife breaks down
  • 00:07:58.160 --> 00:08:01.060
  • and there's no spiritual support and no therapy support.
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  • And, an interesting thing happened.
  • 00:08:05.030 --> 00:08:08.200
  • The challenge of that diagnosis...
  • 00:08:08.200 --> 00:08:11.150
  • Put this marriage in like focus.
  • 00:08:13.190 --> 00:08:16.070
  • Like, it was like there was no chance that we could
  • 00:08:17.190 --> 00:08:20.280
  • let this fall apart.
  • 00:08:20.280 --> 00:08:22.240
  • 'Cause Sophie needed us, so everything for the first
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  • five years of her life, you know,
  • 00:08:26.020 --> 00:08:28.120
  • spina bifida manifests differently in every child.
  • 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:31.090
  • It's everything below the belly button, the nerve function.
  • 00:08:31.090 --> 00:08:35.100
  • So a lot of kids can't walk, can't go number one
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  • or number two, there's fluid in the brain,
  • 00:08:37.110 --> 00:08:39.270
  • and the stent and you gotta get a hole, all
  • 00:08:39.270 --> 00:08:41.250
  • neurological but it affects the lower region.
  • 00:08:41.250 --> 00:08:45.230
  • And we saw specialists and it was a very, very hard
  • 00:08:45.230 --> 00:08:49.280
  • five years for Sophie and for us.
  • 00:08:51.020 --> 00:08:54.120
  • But, we had this renewed faith and this renewed,
  • 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:58.120
  • like it jump started, I mean it kick,
  • 00:09:00.110 --> 00:09:02.010
  • God kicked in, kicked all the way in.
  • 00:09:02.010 --> 00:09:05.030
  • And, it fast-tracked us all the stuff that people
  • 00:09:07.060 --> 00:09:11.090
  • luxuriously can fight and be mad for two weeks,
  • 00:09:12.210 --> 00:09:15.020
  • we had to fix that overnight.
  • 00:09:15.020 --> 00:09:16.280
  • Any kind of you know, serious conflict we had to fix
  • 00:09:16.280 --> 00:09:21.250
  • it because we had to keep each other strong,
  • 00:09:21.250 --> 00:09:25.050
  • so these empowerment muscles that we're talking about
  • 00:09:25.050 --> 00:09:27.230
  • Sophie's kind of responsible for that.
  • 00:09:27.230 --> 00:09:30.100
  • She made, she presented us with a new normal.
  • 00:09:30.100 --> 00:09:34.020
  • So everything had to change, how we ate,
  • 00:09:35.100 --> 00:09:37.210
  • how we slept, how we fought, how we made up,
  • 00:09:37.210 --> 00:09:40.180
  • how we time managed.
  • 00:09:40.180 --> 00:09:42.260
  • And, so she's 11 years old now.
  • 00:09:42.260 --> 00:09:45.160
  • She's graduating from the fifth grade.
  • 00:09:45.160 --> 00:09:47.150
  • - [Mike] Oh, wonderful.
  • 00:09:47.150 --> 00:09:49.030
  • (applause)
  • 00:09:49.030 --> 00:09:51.100
  • - And, I know she was sent.
  • 00:09:52.280 --> 00:09:55.050
  • I know she was sent from God.
  • 00:09:56.030 --> 00:09:57.290
  • I know it, and Nicolas is nine, and she bosses him around.
  • 00:09:57.290 --> 00:10:02.040
  • - I think it's remarkable because I agree.
  • 00:10:04.200 --> 00:10:07.180
  • I think God put her in our lap for a reason,
  • 00:10:07.180 --> 00:10:11.040
  • and I think it also represents something that
  • 00:10:11.040 --> 00:10:14.240
  • everybody can relate to.
  • 00:10:17.040 --> 00:10:18.090
  • That's her.
  • 00:10:18.090 --> 00:10:19.070
  • Is that far too often,
  • 00:10:21.020 --> 00:10:22.270
  • people in relationships,
  • 00:10:27.070 --> 00:10:29.180
  • don't give each other the opportunity to go through
  • 00:10:29.180 --> 00:10:33.050
  • adversity together.
  • 00:10:33.050 --> 00:10:35.030
  • - [DeeDee] That's good, say that again.
  • 00:10:35.030 --> 00:10:37.050
  • - [Mike] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
  • 00:10:37.050 --> 00:10:38.190
  • - Far too often, people in relationships do not give each
  • 00:10:38.190 --> 00:10:41.260
  • other the opportunity to go through adversity together.
  • 00:10:41.260 --> 00:10:45.150
  • Face challenges together.
  • 00:10:45.150 --> 00:10:48.060
  • Struggle together.
  • 00:10:48.060 --> 00:10:49.210
  • - [Mike] Together.
  • 00:10:49.210 --> 00:10:51.170
  • - A lot of people when they see,
  • 00:10:51.170 --> 00:10:54.070
  • you know the rain clouds forming,
  • 00:10:55.130 --> 00:10:58.080
  • they run for the hills.
  • 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:00.070
  • And it's really really sad and disappointing because
  • 00:11:01.230 --> 00:11:05.280
  • you're missing out on so much.
  • 00:11:07.040 --> 00:11:09.260
  • You're missing out on opportunities to grow,
  • 00:11:09.260 --> 00:11:12.280
  • you're missing out on opportunities to know yourself better.
  • 00:11:12.280 --> 00:11:16.000
  • To get to know your partner better.
  • 00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:18.000
  • You're missing out to get to the other side together.
  • 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:22.030
  • And therefore be tremendously empowered together.
  • 00:11:22.030 --> 00:11:26.080
  • - I love it.
  • 00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:27.150
  • - And to have your relationship be
  • 00:11:27.150 --> 00:11:29.050
  • strengthened through that, and Sophie taught us that.
  • 00:11:29.050 --> 00:11:33.100
  • The first five years of her life, she taught us that
  • 00:11:34.220 --> 00:11:37.270
  • it's a tremendous blessing to go through and incredibly hard
  • 00:11:37.270 --> 00:11:42.270
  • time together, without letting go of each other's hand.
  • 00:11:42.270 --> 00:11:47.020
  • And coming out on the other side.
  • 00:11:48.260 --> 00:11:50.070
  • - [Mike] Come on.
  • 00:11:50.070 --> 00:11:51.230
  • - Because now (applause)
  • 00:11:51.230 --> 00:11:54.230
  • we truly feel like there's nothing that can
  • 00:11:54.230 --> 00:11:58.100
  • destroy this because we have been so,
  • 00:12:00.130 --> 00:12:03.150
  • we've been battle tested.
  • 00:12:05.280 --> 00:12:07.290
  • You know, our faith has been tested 'cause when your
  • 00:12:07.290 --> 00:12:10.140
  • baby is hit with such a serious birth defect,
  • 00:12:10.140 --> 00:12:14.050
  • you question things.
  • 00:12:15.230 --> 00:12:17.260
  • Every single day.
  • 00:12:17.260 --> 00:12:19.150
  • You ask questions, and you want them answered,
  • 00:12:19.150 --> 00:12:22.030
  • and there's no answer.
  • 00:12:22.030 --> 00:12:23.100
  • So you have to hold on to your faith.
  • 00:12:23.100 --> 00:12:26.110
  • So your faith is tested, your trust in each other is tested.
  • 00:12:28.090 --> 00:12:33.080
  • There's guilt, there's fears about the future.
  • 00:12:33.080 --> 00:12:37.230
  • All these things are tremendous challenge to her.
  • 00:12:37.230 --> 00:12:40.230
  • We had been married for three months
  • 00:12:40.230 --> 00:12:43.230
  • when we got the diagnosis.
  • 00:12:46.050 --> 00:12:48.110
  • We were supposed to go on our honeymoon.
  • 00:12:48.110 --> 00:12:50.200
  • We have yet to go on our honeymoon.
  • 00:12:50.200 --> 00:12:52.170
  • It's been 11 years.
  • 00:12:52.170 --> 00:12:53.210
  • (chuckles)
  • 00:12:53.210 --> 00:12:55.070
  • So, but it is a tremendous blessing because now we feel
  • 00:12:55.070 --> 00:12:59.000
  • like we're Iron Man and Iron Woman.
  • 00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:02.040
  • You know, Spartacus.
  • 00:13:02.040 --> 00:13:03.230
  • (applause)
  • 00:13:03.230 --> 00:13:04.210
  • - I love it, I love it.
  • 00:13:04.210 --> 00:13:06.190
  • Anything you'd like to add, before we open it up?
  • 00:13:08.010 --> 00:13:11.270
  • - I think he said it all.
  • 00:13:11.270 --> 00:13:14.030
  • - I think that's good, you know,
  • 00:13:14.030 --> 00:13:15.170
  • I was thinkin' about that when they was talking
  • 00:13:15.170 --> 00:13:17.030
  • because so many couples when they have challenges
  • 00:13:17.030 --> 00:13:20.040
  • they run away from each other.
  • 00:13:20.040 --> 00:13:22.060
  • You know because they aren't mature enough really
  • 00:13:22.060 --> 00:13:24.220
  • to fight together, we wanna go and fight individually.
  • 00:13:24.220 --> 00:13:28.120
  • You know, it's like okay, I'm mad at you,
  • 00:13:28.120 --> 00:13:30.050
  • you mad at me, this isn't working.
  • 00:13:30.050 --> 00:13:32.160
  • You did this to me, you hurt me.
  • 00:13:32.160 --> 00:13:34.130
  • - Yes, forgiveness is huge.
  • 00:13:34.130 --> 00:13:36.290
  • - It's huge and so we retreat, we retreat to our corners,
  • 00:13:36.290 --> 00:13:40.170
  • you know, and we never come out sometimes.
  • 00:13:40.170 --> 00:13:43.240
  • - [Nicole] We never come out sometimes.
  • 00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:45.150
  • - Sometimes we never come out, you know,
  • 00:13:45.150 --> 00:13:47.150
  • and sometimes you do come out, thank God for those
  • 00:13:47.150 --> 00:13:49.170
  • of you who do come out of your corners,
  • 00:13:49.170 --> 00:13:51.170
  • but I remember when we used to have challenges
  • 00:13:51.170 --> 00:13:53.180
  • in the beginning of our relationship,
  • 00:13:53.180 --> 00:13:55.190
  • how we would retreat from each other.
  • 00:13:55.190 --> 00:13:57.270
  • You know, we would get so mad, well at least me.
  • 00:13:57.270 --> 00:13:59.280
  • I know I could stay mad for oooh,
  • 00:13:59.280 --> 00:14:02.230
  • I stop countin' maybe a month or so.
  • 00:14:05.130 --> 00:14:08.240
  • What-choo think?
  • 00:14:08.240 --> 00:14:10.010
  • - But what people don't realize sometimes that
  • 00:14:10.010 --> 00:14:11.180
  • forgiveness is really about letting yourself be okay again.
  • 00:14:11.180 --> 00:14:15.230
  • Yes, I forgive you, but this is really for my own
  • 00:14:17.060 --> 00:14:19.250
  • benefit because hatred--
  • 00:14:19.250 --> 00:14:21.260
  • - I can't walk around with all this stuff inside of me--
  • 00:14:21.260 --> 00:14:23.240
  • - And your hatred--
  • 00:14:23.240 --> 00:14:25.060
  • - Feel any of this, I'm the one walkin' around
  • 00:14:25.060 --> 00:14:27.040
  • with the vinegar.
  • 00:14:27.040 --> 00:14:28.050
  • You don't even feel it.
  • 00:14:28.050 --> 00:14:29.230
  • - And I believed you had a word concerning forgiveness?
  • 00:14:29.230 --> 00:14:32.040
  • Would you care to elaborate on the importance of,
  • 00:14:32.040 --> 00:14:37.010
  • you said forgiveness is huge.
  • 00:14:37.010 --> 00:14:40.010
  • - Yes, I'm a tell a quick story about his mom in Germany.
  • 00:14:40.010 --> 00:14:43.280
  • We were sittin' down in her kitchen,
  • 00:14:43.280 --> 00:14:45.260
  • and I was sharing with her something we were going
  • 00:14:45.260 --> 00:14:48.230
  • through about communication or something
  • 00:14:48.230 --> 00:14:50.210
  • and I said, "Ursula, what did you and Eric do
  • 00:14:50.210 --> 00:14:54.130
  • "when you went through a rough patch?"
  • 00:14:55.180 --> 00:14:58.130
  • And she said to me, "Nikki," she's a very strong,
  • 00:14:58.130 --> 00:15:01.160
  • German woman, she said, "Eric never gave me the luxury
  • 00:15:01.160 --> 00:15:04.210
  • "of a rough patch."
  • 00:15:04.210 --> 00:15:06.080
  • That was the most profound thing that anybody married
  • 00:15:07.230 --> 00:15:10.210
  • had ever said to me because what she was saying was
  • 00:15:10.210 --> 00:15:13.030
  • when I took my vows, I included the dark days.
  • 00:15:13.030 --> 00:15:17.190
  • I included the rough patch in my I do,
  • 00:15:17.190 --> 00:15:21.010
  • and if he ran--
  • 00:15:21.010 --> 00:15:22.150
  • - And we take the dark days even out of our vows.
  • 00:15:22.150 --> 00:15:25.020
  • - Right, and even when it started to get rough
  • 00:15:25.020 --> 00:15:25.240
  • - Right, and even when it started to get rough
  • 00:15:26.010 --> 00:15:28.200
  • and he was unfaithful, she was ready to go through
  • 00:15:28.200 --> 00:15:32.100
  • that because she believed in the other side.
  • 00:15:32.100 --> 00:15:35.260
  • And so that, it was early in our marriage,
  • 00:15:35.260 --> 00:15:36.080
  • And so that, it was early in our marriage,
  • 00:15:36.250 --> 00:15:38.110
  • and it turned me around to think, oh you don't have to
  • 00:15:38.110 --> 00:15:41.010
  • slam the door and drive away and throw a pillow
  • 00:15:41.010 --> 00:15:44.040
  • and forget you and you don't have to do that.
  • 00:15:44.040 --> 00:15:46.150
  • This is part of the process.
  • 00:15:46.150 --> 00:15:48.200
  • - [Mike] That's strong, that's strong.
  • 00:15:48.200 --> 00:15:50.000
  • - This is the whole fabric of a marriage.
  • 00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:52.050
  • - [Mike] That's strong, Nikki, that is strong.
  • 00:15:52.050 --> 00:15:55.010
  • - One thing that I heard somebody say one time
  • 00:15:55.010 --> 00:15:57.280
  • which really sort of hit me in regards to
  • 00:15:57.280 --> 00:16:01.130
  • fights, challenges, disagreements.
  • 00:16:03.110 --> 00:16:06.050
  • When you have a fight with your spouse,
  • 00:16:06.050 --> 00:16:09.120
  • with your boyfriend or girlfriend,
  • 00:16:10.160 --> 00:16:12.200
  • what helps sometimes is--
  • 00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:14.160
  • - [Mike] That's what you call your spouse?
  • 00:16:14.160 --> 00:16:16.210
  • - I call her girlfriend.
  • 00:16:16.210 --> 00:16:17.240
  • - [Mike] That's your girlfriend?
  • 00:16:17.240 --> 00:16:19.000
  • - That's my girl, that's my girlfriend.
  • 00:16:19.000 --> 00:16:20.090
  • - [Mike] Are ya'll best friends?
  • 00:16:20.090 --> 00:16:21.140
  • - Absolutely.
  • 00:16:21.140 --> 00:16:22.140
  • - [Mike] She's your best friend?
  • 00:16:22.140 --> 00:16:24.000
  • - Absolutely.
  • 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:25.100
  • (audience snickering)
  • 00:16:25.100 --> 00:16:26.230
  • - [Mike] And your her best friend?
  • 00:16:26.230 --> 00:16:28.250
  • - [Boris] Absolutely.
  • 00:16:28.250 --> 00:16:29.290
  • - Go right ahead, I just--
  • 00:16:29.290 --> 00:16:31.230
  • (audience snickering)
  • 00:16:31.230 --> 00:16:34.000
  • - [Nicole] He's got his boys.
  • 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:35.240
  • - This is so funny.
  • 00:16:35.240 --> 00:16:37.180
  • Moving right along.
  • 00:16:37.180 --> 00:16:39.000
  • (audience laughing)
  • 00:16:39.000 --> 00:16:41.030
  • - Well, let's get back to that.
  • 00:16:41.030 --> 00:16:43.030
  • What I wanted to say was that,
  • 00:16:43.030 --> 00:16:45.180
  • when you're in a fight, when you're disagreeing,
  • 00:16:47.150 --> 00:16:50.180
  • about something try to go to a place
  • 00:16:50.180 --> 00:16:53.180
  • or to something that you both agreed on.
  • 00:16:54.240 --> 00:16:57.290
  • And then work your way up from there.
  • 00:16:59.290 --> 00:17:03.170
  • Sometimes that helps you regain perspective.
  • 00:17:03.170 --> 00:17:06.170
  • Before you get too mad, start throwing things.
  • 00:17:06.170 --> 00:17:08.170
  • - [Mike] I love it.
  • 00:17:08.170 --> 00:17:10.020
  • - That you do remember that you agreed on something
  • 00:17:10.020 --> 00:17:13.000
  • very specific.
  • 00:17:13.000 --> 00:17:14.040
  • We had a discussion, or argument, recently about
  • 00:17:15.100 --> 00:17:18.170
  • the choice of schools for my daughter.
  • 00:17:18.170 --> 00:17:21.030
  • - Oh, that was big.
  • 00:17:21.030 --> 00:17:22.110
  • - It was a big deal.
  • 00:17:22.110 --> 00:17:23.230
  • Because my daughter was tested, she took a gifted test,
  • 00:17:23.230 --> 00:17:27.250
  • and she tested through the roof.
  • 00:17:29.270 --> 00:17:32.170
  • Top one percentile in the country,
  • 00:17:35.100 --> 00:17:38.080
  • and she's super, super smart.
  • 00:17:38.080 --> 00:17:40.270
  • And we moved to an area in southern California
  • 00:17:40.270 --> 00:17:44.280
  • that had the best public schools, top three in the nation.
  • 00:17:44.280 --> 00:17:49.030
  • And we moved there for a purpose.
  • 00:17:50.070 --> 00:17:52.040
  • - [Mike] For that, right.
  • 00:17:52.040 --> 00:17:53.170
  • - Because private schools are super expensive,
  • 00:17:53.170 --> 00:17:56.110
  • and so we moved to this place because the school's
  • 00:17:56.110 --> 00:17:59.240
  • were excellent and they were public.
  • 00:17:59.240 --> 00:18:01.160
  • So then my wife proceeds to tell me that now we
  • 00:18:01.160 --> 00:18:03.110
  • have to put Sophie in a private school
  • 00:18:03.110 --> 00:18:05.270
  • because she's so gifted and so we had this argument
  • 00:18:05.270 --> 00:18:08.150
  • because I was like, "We moved here because of the schools!"
  • 00:18:08.150 --> 00:18:10.190
  • (audience laughing)
  • 00:18:10.190 --> 00:18:13.100
  • And she thought I was insane to put a limit on
  • 00:18:13.100 --> 00:18:17.040
  • our education for our kids.
  • 00:18:17.040 --> 00:18:19.010
  • Which of course, that's not what I want,
  • 00:18:19.010 --> 00:18:22.240
  • I want my kids to have the best education.
  • 00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:25.170
  • It's just a different choice, so we had to retract,
  • 00:18:25.170 --> 00:18:27.270
  • or we had to go back to where we both agreed,
  • 00:18:27.270 --> 00:18:30.140
  • and we both agreed on the fact that we wanted Sophie--
  • 00:18:30.140 --> 00:18:32.160
  • - [Nicole] Pulled it back.
  • 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:33.140
  • - [Mike] You pulled back.
  • 00:18:33.140 --> 00:18:34.200
  • Okay, let's try that, all together.
  • 00:18:34.200 --> 00:18:36.130
  • Come on (audience laughing).
  • 00:18:36.130 --> 00:18:38.220
  • - [All] Pull it back.
  • 00:18:38.220 --> 00:18:40.150
  • (laughing)
  • 00:18:40.150 --> 00:18:42.250
  • - And I listened, but ladies, I knew I was right,
  • 00:18:42.250 --> 00:18:46.210
  • but I didn't just fill the air with I'm right,
  • 00:18:46.210 --> 00:18:49.090
  • I'm right, I'm right.
  • 00:18:49.090 --> 00:18:50.250
  • I pulled back, and like he said, we started with the
  • 00:18:50.250 --> 00:18:53.030
  • basics of we both want our children to have the best
  • 00:18:53.030 --> 00:18:56.100
  • education possible, and we worked our way back
  • 00:18:56.100 --> 00:18:59.160
  • to through the disagreement and ended up on my side
  • 00:18:59.160 --> 00:19:02.150
  • of the table (laughing).
  • 00:19:02.150 --> 00:19:05.280
  • - Hold on a second, the school was 30 minutes away,
  • 00:19:05.280 --> 00:19:09.170
  • and I said, no look, I paid for it, but you drive.
  • 00:19:09.170 --> 00:19:13.270
  • (audience laughing)
  • 00:19:13.270 --> 00:19:15.160
  • - No, but I wanna go back because you said I really like
  • 00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:17.280
  • that how you come to the place of something where you
  • 00:19:17.280 --> 00:19:20.220
  • agree, and then you work your way back.
  • 00:19:20.220 --> 00:19:23.180
  • - I hope they're hearing these nuggets inside of here.
  • 00:19:23.180 --> 00:19:25.280
  • - Really that's why I wanted to pull that out
  • 00:19:25.280 --> 00:19:27.090
  • because a lot of times we start from where we
  • 00:19:27.090 --> 00:19:30.000
  • don't agree, and try to work up to a place of agreement.
  • 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:33.250
  • But you started at the end, really which is the beginning.
  • 00:19:33.250 --> 00:19:37.080
  • - Come on, all together, all together.
  • 00:19:37.080 --> 00:19:38.210
  • Lean forward everybody, lean forward.
  • 00:19:38.210 --> 00:19:40.210
  • Now, pull it back.
  • 00:19:40.210 --> 00:19:42.060
  • All right, there ya go.
  • 00:19:43.040 --> 00:19:45.160
  • - No, that's powerful, that really is.
  • 00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:47.240
  • That's a real good nugget.
  • 00:19:47.240 --> 00:19:49.020
  • - Let's do this--
  • 00:19:49.020 --> 00:19:50.150
  • - Also be careful, I'm sorry, you gotta be careful
  • 00:19:50.150 --> 00:19:51.230
  • about who you get your advice from.
  • 00:19:51.230 --> 00:19:54.170
  • - Ooh.
  • 00:19:54.170 --> 00:19:55.290
  • (applause)
  • 00:19:55.290 --> 00:19:58.060
  • - 'Cause, even if my girlfriend calls me and her husband
  • 00:19:59.280 --> 00:20:04.060
  • did something really, really wrong,
  • 00:20:04.060 --> 00:20:07.080
  • I am gonna start at the place of forgiveness.
  • 00:20:07.080 --> 00:20:11.150
  • I'm gonna start at the place of healing that moment.
  • 00:20:11.150 --> 00:20:13.280
  • I'm a start at the place of supporting that marriage.
  • 00:20:13.280 --> 00:20:16.240
  • - [Mike] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
  • 00:20:16.240 --> 00:20:18.020
  • - And you gotta have friends around you.
  • 00:20:18.020 --> 00:20:20.130
  • - Opposed to getting on her side about something.
  • 00:20:20.130 --> 00:20:23.280
  • - That is having her side, that's remembering how much
  • 00:20:23.280 --> 00:20:27.120
  • she loves this man, and--
  • 00:20:27.120 --> 00:20:29.060
  • - That's where you take her back to.
  • 00:20:29.060 --> 00:20:30.230
  • - Take her back there, and then she can have her own
  • 00:20:30.230 --> 00:20:33.200
  • fresh un-argumentative perspective on what her next
  • 00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:37.250
  • steps really are.
  • 00:20:38.260 --> 00:20:40.020
  • Yeah, and let me tell you something.
  • 00:20:40.020 --> 00:20:41.270
  • Everybody wants to talk about him and women
  • 00:20:41.270 --> 00:20:45.020
  • and women loving him and all that.
  • 00:20:45.020 --> 00:20:47.230
  • I'm gonna tell you something.
  • 00:20:47.230 --> 00:20:49.240
  • Everybody has always respected our marriage.
  • 00:20:49.240 --> 00:20:53.070
  • And I wanna thank you, and thank everybody who's ever
  • 00:20:53.070 --> 00:20:56.110
  • it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a
  • 00:20:56.110 --> 00:20:59.080
  • village to save a marriage, too.
  • 00:20:59.080 --> 00:21:01.250
  • - Absolutely.
  • 00:21:01.250 --> 00:21:03.100
  • - And people love, I can't go anywhere without somebody
  • 00:21:03.100 --> 00:21:07.080
  • asking me how is my husband and my kids.
  • 00:21:07.080 --> 00:21:09.290
  • And how are ya'll doing?
  • 00:21:09.290 --> 00:21:11.090
  • For real, I have--
  • 00:21:11.090 --> 00:21:12.210
  • - That's what I was attracted to, your marriage.
  • 00:21:12.210 --> 00:21:15.090
  • Really, it's strong.
  • 00:21:15.090 --> 00:21:16.260
  • And here's my motto, I hang with those who have my
  • 00:21:16.260 --> 00:21:20.190
  • answer, and I get away from those who have my problem.
  • 00:21:20.190 --> 00:21:25.030
  • If you don't have a strong marriage,
  • 00:21:25.030 --> 00:21:27.020
  • I'm not hanging with you.
  • 00:21:27.020 --> 00:21:29.050
  • I could hang with you guys.
  • 00:21:31.170 --> 00:21:34.120
  • That's why you're here, because of the strength of
  • 00:21:34.120 --> 00:21:36.100
  • your marriage.
  • 00:21:36.100 --> 00:21:37.230
  • - You know a funny, somebody told me when we first
  • 00:21:37.230 --> 00:21:40.040
  • got married, to go to Barnes and Noble,
  • 00:21:40.040 --> 00:21:42.120
  • and read a book in the divorce section.
  • 00:21:42.120 --> 00:21:45.000
  • (audience snickering)
  • 00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:47.190
  • And they were like, trust me on this one.
  • 00:21:47.190 --> 00:21:50.260
  • I went to the Barnes and Noble, I opened whatever
  • 00:21:50.260 --> 00:21:53.260
  • book it was, So Sad to Say Goodbye, whatever
  • 00:21:53.260 --> 00:21:57.160
  • the name of the book was.
  • 00:21:57.160 --> 00:21:59.170
  • It has come to this.
  • 00:21:59.170 --> 00:22:01.030
  • - Sounds like a title (mumbles).
  • 00:22:01.030 --> 00:22:02.170
  • (laughing)
  • 00:22:02.170 --> 00:22:04.280
  • - So, we, I opened the book, and it was everything
  • 00:22:04.280 --> 00:22:09.150
  • that they should have done.
  • 00:22:09.150 --> 00:22:11.240
  • It was the best education.
  • 00:22:11.240 --> 00:22:13.260
  • I should'a not walked out.
  • 00:22:13.260 --> 00:22:15.180
  • I should'a stayed and talked.
  • 00:22:15.180 --> 00:22:17.080
  • I should'a have been more intimate.
  • 00:22:17.080 --> 00:22:19.020
  • I should'a learned about my body and made my husband happy
  • 00:22:19.020 --> 00:22:21.200
  • and he should'a made me happy.
  • 00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:23.120
  • We should've laughed more.
  • 00:22:23.120 --> 00:22:25.000
  • We should've gone out more.
  • 00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:26.250
  • We should've had staycations when we didn't have money
  • 00:22:26.250 --> 00:22:28.270
  • to fly to Hawaii.
  • 00:22:28.270 --> 00:22:30.060
  • I mean it--
  • 00:22:30.060 --> 00:22:31.050
  • - So you saw what not to do.
  • 00:22:31.050 --> 00:22:33.100
  • - I saw what not to do.
  • 00:22:33.100 --> 00:22:34.180
  • And I recommend that to people.
  • 00:22:34.180 --> 00:22:36.160
  • It's a great inexpensive quick therapy.
  • 00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:39.150
  • - Right, and you can take your marriage to another level
  • 00:22:39.150 --> 00:22:42.070
  • by looking at someone's failures.
  • 00:22:42.070 --> 00:22:44.160
  • Yeah, because sometimes you win
  • 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:46.220
  • and sometimes you learn.
  • 00:22:46.220 --> 00:22:48.220
  • You don't have to lose if you learn from someone
  • 00:22:50.040 --> 00:22:51.270
  • else's loss.
  • 00:22:51.270 --> 00:22:53.140
  • We got, yeah, give them a great big round of applause.
  • 00:22:53.140 --> 00:22:58.020
  • (applause) (cheering)
  • 00:22:58.020 --> 00:23:00.090
  • (hollering) (applause)
  • 00:23:00.090 --> 00:23:04.140
  • We got, we got another clip from Dr. Know Nothing.
  • 00:23:08.010 --> 00:23:12.060
  • Nolittle, and then if you have a few questions
  • 00:23:14.150 --> 00:23:18.210
  • we'll take a few questions because I don't want
  • 00:23:18.210 --> 00:23:21.120
  • to work them all night.
  • 00:23:21.120 --> 00:23:24.010
  • But I want some microphones in the aisles, please,
  • 00:23:24.010 --> 00:23:26.260
  • gentleman and you have to come, please get permission
  • 00:23:26.260 --> 00:23:31.080
  • from your spouse.
  • 00:23:31.080 --> 00:23:33.030
  • Let them in on what you may be asking.
  • 00:23:33.030 --> 00:23:36.110
  • You know because we want you to go home inspired.
  • 00:23:36.110 --> 00:23:40.150
  • And enriched.
  • 00:23:40.150 --> 00:23:42.050
  • And encouraged.
  • 00:23:42.050 --> 00:23:43.050
  • So, you have to come to the mic,
  • 00:23:43.050 --> 00:23:45.040
  • and we'll take maybe about five or six questions.
  • 00:23:45.040 --> 00:23:49.190
  • Because we have a plane to catch and we don't want that
  • 00:23:49.190 --> 00:23:53.070
  • plane to leave us.
  • 00:23:53.070 --> 00:23:54.220
  • Dr. Know Nothing, Dr.--
  • 00:23:56.290 --> 00:23:58.270
  • - Good afternoon, Dr. Know Good.
  • 00:24:00.110 --> 00:24:02.170
  • I just got married, right,
  • 00:24:02.170 --> 00:24:04.160
  • and I've had a child before marriage
  • 00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:06.150
  • and she had a child before marriage, as well.
  • 00:24:06.150 --> 00:24:09.120
  • I would like to know,
  • 00:24:09.120 --> 00:24:11.200
  • how am I supposed to discipline?
  • 00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:14.100
  • - Now you know, I'm a mother.
  • 00:24:20.030 --> 00:24:22.160
  • Let me ask you something.
  • 00:24:23.120 --> 00:24:25.120
  • How old's this child?
  • 00:24:25.120 --> 00:24:26.270
  • - [Man In Video Clip] 13.
  • 00:24:26.270 --> 00:24:28.290
  • - You married to a black woman?
  • 00:24:30.270 --> 00:24:33.040
  • - Yeah, why you ask that?
  • 00:24:33.040 --> 00:24:35.020
  • - I don't know why you (mumbles).
  • 00:24:35.020 --> 00:24:36.250
  • You don't mess with nobody's child.
  • 00:24:36.250 --> 00:24:39.120
  • Especially a black, get out, get out my office.
  • 00:24:39.120 --> 00:24:43.090
  • Just get out of my office before you get whooped.
  • 00:24:44.220 --> 00:24:48.140
  • Don't do what I tell you, you gonna get whooped.
  • 00:24:48.140 --> 00:24:50.000
  • Get out my office.
  • 00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:51.150
  • - [Mike] I don't know how long we can keep up with this.
  • 00:24:53.090 --> 00:24:56.150
  • Whatever.
  • 00:24:56.150 --> 00:24:57.100
  • You seem to really enjoy Dr.
  • 00:24:58.210 --> 00:25:01.080
  • - That girl is crazy.
  • 00:25:01.080 --> 00:25:03.020
  • - Yes sir, question?
  • 00:25:03.020 --> 00:25:05.030
  • - I could barely wait to get to the mic and ask you about
  • 00:25:05.030 --> 00:25:07.100
  • this, I've probably been maybe to 40 or 50 of these
  • 00:25:07.100 --> 00:25:10.200
  • I'm guessing, plus or minus.
  • 00:25:10.200 --> 00:25:13.040
  • Oh, I'm sorry.
  • 00:25:13.040 --> 00:25:14.170
  • I said I've probably been to 40 or 50 of these
  • 00:25:14.170 --> 00:25:16.040
  • over 10 or 11 years.
  • 00:25:16.040 --> 00:25:17.220
  • And this was outstanding.
  • 00:25:17.220 --> 00:25:19.250
  • Intelligent, articulate, thoughtful.
  • 00:25:20.250 --> 00:25:23.170
  • And I didn't know you guys as actors or actresses.
  • 00:25:23.170 --> 00:25:25.240
  • I mean, I'm sure I've probably seen something you did,
  • 00:25:25.240 --> 00:25:28.160
  • but I didn't make a connection.
  • 00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:30.050
  • (audience laughing)
  • 00:25:30.050 --> 00:25:31.190
  • Well, I'm saying, you know (audience laughing).
  • 00:25:31.190 --> 00:25:34.140
  • Soul Food would clearly not be my probably go to
  • 00:25:34.140 --> 00:25:37.020
  • you know, I'm sayin'.
  • 00:25:37.020 --> 00:25:38.240
  • Voiceover: Thank you for viewing Living By Faith.
  • 00:25:41.200 --> 00:25:44.030
  • If you'd like to obtain a copy of today's lesson,
  • 00:25:44.030 --> 00:25:46.170
  • or any other featured item,
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  • please give us a call at 1-888-630-4540.
  • 00:25:48.100 --> 00:25:55.150
  • Voiceover: If you are ever in the Washington
  • 00:25:56.060 --> 00:25:57.170
  • - What an awesome time it is to be a woman
  • 00:26:07.180 --> 00:26:10.040
  • in the body of Christ.
  • 00:26:10.040 --> 00:26:11.240
  • Why?
  • 00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:13.010
  • Because I have something planned just for you.
  • 00:26:13.010 --> 00:26:16.100
  • Something so invigorating, something so exciting,
  • 00:26:16.100 --> 00:26:20.220
  • something that's gonna be so amazing
  • 00:26:20.220 --> 00:26:23.150
  • that you will not want to miss.
  • 00:26:23.150 --> 00:26:26.000
  • God's Glamorous Girls is coming
  • 00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:28.120
  • July the 11th through the 13th.
  • 00:26:28.120 --> 00:26:31.060
  • You want to be in Baltimore, because it is going down.
  • 00:26:31.060 --> 00:26:35.110
  • The Fellowship presents God's Glamorous Girls.
  • 00:26:36.190 --> 00:26:39.230
  • I'm inviting all of you to come and be a part of it.
  • 00:26:39.230 --> 00:26:42.220
  • We have some amazing artists that are gonna be there.
  • 00:26:42.220 --> 00:26:45.110
  • We have some awesome speakers that are gonna be there,
  • 00:26:45.110 --> 00:26:48.000
  • ministering to you.
  • 00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:49.110
  • And I want to see you there.
  • 00:26:49.110 --> 00:26:50.210
  • I want to touch you. I want to feel you.
  • 00:26:50.210 --> 00:26:53.050
  • I want you to know that I care about you.
  • 00:26:53.050 --> 00:26:55.210
  • So I need to see you, so I can communicate that with you.
  • 00:26:55.210 --> 00:26:59.110
  • See you there, July the 11th through the 13th in Baltimore.
  • 00:26:59.110 --> 00:27:03.180
  • (dramatic music)
  • 00:27:04.150 --> 00:27:07.060
  • And we are going to experience a move of God
  • 00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:13.200
  • like never before.
  • 00:27:14.170 --> 00:27:16.020
  • God's decree, yes indeed.
  • 00:27:17.080 --> 00:27:19.110
  • Things are gonna happen so fast,
  • 00:27:20.160 --> 00:27:23.060
  • it's gonna make your head swim.
  • 00:27:24.060 --> 00:27:26.240
  • It says that you're not gonna be able to keep up.
  • 00:27:29.070 --> 00:27:33.190
  • And I am expecting God to do a quick working here.
  • 00:27:33.190 --> 00:27:37.270
  • Some of you came in here, you need healing,
  • 00:27:37.270 --> 00:27:40.140
  • you need deliverance, you need salvation,
  • 00:27:40.140 --> 00:27:43.170
  • you need a friend, you need love,
  • 00:27:43.170 --> 00:27:46.100
  • you just need to know that the mercy of God exists for you.
  • 00:27:46.100 --> 00:27:50.170
  • Whatever you need in this place this week,
  • 00:27:50.170 --> 00:27:53.150
  • I guarantee you that you won't leave here the same way
  • 00:27:53.150 --> 00:27:58.010
  • that you have come in, in the name of Jesus.
  • 00:27:58.010 --> 00:28:01.230