Praise | Spark Marriage Conference | 10/5/18 | TBN

Praise | Spark Marriage Conference | 10/5/18

Watch Praise | Spark Marriage Conference | 10/5/18
October 5, 2018
56:35

Nick Nilson hosts Joel & Victoria Osteen and Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott at Spark Conference 2018.

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Praise | Spark Marriage Conference | 10/5/18

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  • - VICTORIA OSTEEN: YOU'RE WATCHING THE SPARK
  • 00:00:01.060 --> 00:00:02.120
  • MARRIAGE CONFERENCE FROM LAKEWOOD CHURCH ON TBN.
  • 00:00:02.140 --> 00:00:04.120
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:00:04.140 --> 00:00:10.250
  • - ANNOUNCER: TONIGHT ON PRAISE, FROM HOUSTON,
  • 00:00:10.270 --> 00:00:13.230
  • TEXAS, DOCTORS LES AND LESLIE PARROTT, PASTORS
  • 00:00:13.250 --> 00:00:17.270
  • JOEL AND VICTORIA OSTEEN.
  • 00:00:17.290 --> 00:00:20.110
  • WE HEAR FROM THEIR JOURNEY OF MARRIAGE.
  • 00:00:20.130 --> 00:00:21.280
  • GET READY TO ADD SOME SPARK TO YOUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:27.000
  • - SPARK 2018.
  • 00:00:27.020 --> 00:00:28.200
  • HOW Y'ALL DOING?
  • 00:00:28.220 --> 00:00:29.290
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:00:30.010 --> 00:00:37.120
  • - WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID?
  • 00:00:37.140 --> 00:00:39.020
  • - WE NEVER GO OUT.
  • 00:00:39.040 --> 00:00:40.050
  • - WE NEVER GO OUT ON A DATE.
  • 00:00:40.070 --> 00:00:41.160
  • - IF YOU'RE JUST MEETING ME, YOU'RE NOT REALLY
  • 00:00:41.180 --> 00:00:43.140
  • MEETING THE BEST PART.
  • 00:00:43.160 --> 00:00:45.260
  • OH, POINTS.
  • 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:46.240
  • - I'LL WRITE THAT DOWN.
  • 00:00:46.260 --> 00:00:47.290
  • - SUPER OLD.
  • 00:00:48.010 --> 00:00:49.250
  • TEETH IN A GLASS.
  • 00:00:49.270 --> 00:00:52.010
  • PICK THEM UP PUT THEM IN, ROCKING CHAIRS.
  • 00:00:52.030 --> 00:00:53.120
  • YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE THING.
  • 00:00:53.140 --> 00:00:56.260
  • - LET'S SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.
  • 00:00:56.280 --> 00:00:58.130
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:00:58.150 --> 00:00:59.210
  • I'M A HELPER WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR SEX LIFE.
  • 00:00:59.230 --> 00:01:01.100
  • THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO DO SO -GUYS DON'T CALL UP
  • 00:01:01.120 --> 00:01:03.190
  • OTHER GUYS AND GO HEY, YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER
  • 00:01:03.210 --> 00:01:05.120
  • AND TALK?
  • 00:01:05.140 --> 00:01:07.050
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:01:07.070 --> 00:01:09.190
  • - I'M TIRED OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES LOOKING GOOFY
  • 00:01:09.210 --> 00:01:12.150
  • AND CORNY AND NON ROMANTIC.
  • 00:01:12.170 --> 00:01:15.120
  • WE NEED TO BE THE ONES LEADING IN LOVE AND
  • 00:01:15.140 --> 00:01:17.270
  • ROMANCE AND PASSION.
  • 00:01:17.290 --> 00:01:19.110
  • - DON'T EXPECT YOUR SPOUSE TO DO ANYTHING OR
  • 00:01:19.130 --> 00:01:21.250
  • BE ANYTHING THAT YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO DO AND
  • 00:01:21.270 --> 00:01:23.080
  • BE YOURSELF.
  • 00:01:23.100 --> 00:01:24.280
  • - IF SHE'D DO THIS, THEN I WOULD DO THAT.
  • 00:01:25.000 --> 00:01:26.180
  • NO, WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN TO MAKE THE
  • 00:01:26.200 --> 00:01:28.040
  • MARRIAGE BETTER?
  • 00:01:28.060 --> 00:01:29.250
  • - LOVE WHO YOU GOT IN YOUR HOUSE LIKE YOU GOT
  • 00:01:29.270 --> 00:01:32.060
  • ONE DAY LEFT.
  • 00:01:32.080 --> 00:01:34.190
  • LOVE HER LIKE CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH.
  • 00:01:34.210 --> 00:01:39.070
  • - AND I ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO START
  • 00:01:39.090 --> 00:01:41.120
  • INVESTING IN THEIR MARRIAGE DAILY AND START
  • 00:01:41.140 --> 00:01:43.250
  • RIGHT NOW.
  • 00:01:43.270 --> 00:01:45.200
  • - MORE INTIMACY, LESS CONFLICT, LESS NAGGING,
  • 00:01:45.220 --> 00:01:47.070
  • MORE CONNECTION.
  • 00:01:47.090 --> 00:01:48.290
  • WHO DOESN'T WANT THAT?
  • 00:01:49.010 --> 00:01:50.200
  • AND I'M GUARANTYING IT'S GOING TO CHANGE A
  • 00:01:50.220 --> 00:01:52.060
  • COUPLE'S LIFE THAT WHEN THEY'LL DO THIS.
  • 00:01:52.080 --> 00:01:53.130
  • - SPARK 2018.
  • 00:01:53.150 --> 00:01:55.110
  • OH!
  • 00:01:55.130 --> 00:01:56.230
  • HERE WE GO.
  • 00:01:56.250 --> 00:01:58.250
  • - AND NOW LEAD PASTORS OF LAKEWOOD CHURCH,
  • 00:01:58.270 --> 00:02:01.000
  • PASTORS JOEL AND VICTORIA OSTEEN.
  • 00:02:01.020 --> 00:02:03.040
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:02:03.060 --> 00:02:07.270
  • 31 YEARS YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN MARRIED.
  • 00:02:07.290 --> 00:02:09.240
  • 31 YEARS.
  • 00:02:09.260 --> 00:02:11.010
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:02:11.030 --> 00:02:13.070
  • - CONGRATULATIONS.
  • 00:02:13.090 --> 00:02:14.210
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:02:14.230 --> 00:02:17.150
  • - I LOVE THE STORY OF YOUR FIRST DATE.
  • 00:02:17.170 --> 00:02:20.120
  • AND MANY PEOPLE AT LAKE WOOD HAVE HEARD IT BUT
  • 00:02:20.140 --> 00:02:23.050
  • THERE'S OBVIOUSLY A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE THAT ARE
  • 00:02:23.070 --> 00:02:25.140
  • NOT FROM LAKEWOOD.
  • 00:02:25.160 --> 00:02:27.230
  • CAN YOU SHARE THAT STORY OF THAT FIRST EXPERIENCE
  • 00:02:27.250 --> 00:02:29.040
  • AND WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR YOU, JUST PLAY BY PLAY?
  • 00:02:29.060 --> 00:02:30.250
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:02:30.270 --> 00:02:32.110
  • THAT'S EASY.
  • 00:02:32.130 --> 00:02:32.280
  • ALL RIGHT.
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  • I WAS IN MY EARLY 20'S, NICK, AND I GREW UP
  • 00:02:34.080 --> 00:02:36.280
  • PLAYING SPORTS AND I WAS PLAYING BASEBALL EVERY
  • 00:02:37.000 --> 00:02:40.100
  • NIGHT OF THE WEEK EVEN IN MY EARLY 20'S AND
  • 00:02:40.120 --> 00:02:42.210
  • TOURNAMENTS ON THE WEEKEND.
  • 00:02:42.230 --> 00:02:44.170
  • AND I THOUGHT GOD, I'M TIRED OF HANGING OUT WITH
  • 00:02:44.190 --> 00:02:46.180
  • ALL THESE GUYS.
  • 00:02:46.200 --> 00:02:48.010
  • I'D NEVER REALLY DATED ANYBODY BEFORE.
  • 00:02:48.030 --> 00:02:49.290
  • BUT MY BATTERY FOR MY WATCH DIED.
  • 00:02:50.010 --> 00:02:51.230
  • I WALKED INTO A JEWELRY STORE TO BUY A NEW
  • 00:02:51.250 --> 00:02:55.000
  • BATTERY AND OUT WALKED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL
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  • I'D EVER SEEN TO WAIT ON ME.
  • 00:02:57.060 --> 00:02:59.010
  • IT WAS VICTORIA.
  • 00:02:59.030 --> 00:03:00.220
  • SHE WORKED AT HER MOM'S JEWELRY STORE.
  • 00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:02.270
  • AND I TELL PEOPLE I WENT IN THERE TO BUY A BATTERY
  • 00:03:02.290 --> 00:03:05.190
  • FOR MY WATCH AND SHE ENDED UP SELLING ME A
  • 00:03:05.210 --> 00:03:07.270
  • WHOLE NEW WATCH AND SHE'S BEEN TAKING MY MONEY EVER
  • 00:03:07.290 --> 00:03:10.000
  • SINCE THEN.
  • 00:03:10.020 --> 00:03:11.170
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:03:11.190 --> 00:03:13.240
  • SO I MET VICTORIA AND I WAS SO NERVOUS,
  • 00:03:13.260 --> 00:03:16.140
  • BUT SHE WAS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL AND A COUPLE
  • 00:03:16.160 --> 00:03:18.180
  • WEEKS LATER I GOT MY NERVE UP AND I ASKED HER
  • 00:03:18.200 --> 00:03:20.170
  • TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME.
  • 00:03:20.190 --> 00:03:21.240
  • IT'S KIND OF GOING TO BE MY FIRST DATE, YOU KNOW.
  • 00:03:21.260 --> 00:03:25.000
  • AND SHE SAID YES.
  • 00:03:25.020 --> 00:03:26.250
  • AND I INVITED HER TO COME TO A ROCKETS BASKETBALL
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  • GAME HERE AT THE COMPAQ CENTER.
  • 00:03:28.150 --> 00:03:30.040
  • SO I HAD SEASON TICKETS RIGHT BACK ON THE 4TH ROW
  • 00:03:30.060 --> 00:03:32.170
  • IN SECTION 104.
  • 00:03:32.190 --> 00:03:35.030
  • AND THE DAY OF THE DATE I GOT MY CAR WASHED.
  • 00:03:35.050 --> 00:03:40.110
  • I WENT BOUGHT ME A NEW SHIRT.
  • 00:03:40.130 --> 00:03:43.030
  • I WANTED TO LOOK REALLY REALLY GOOD.
  • 00:03:43.050 --> 00:03:45.020
  • I WANTED EVERYTHING TO GO PERFECT.
  • 00:03:45.040 --> 00:03:46.220
  • WELL, A COUPLE HOURS BEFORE I WENT TO PICK HER
  • 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:49.100
  • UP I LOOKED IN MY DRAWER FOR THE TICKETS, AND I
  • 00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:51.260
  • COULD FIND EVERY TICKET EXCEPT THAT NIGHT THAT I
  • 00:03:51.280 --> 00:03:54.010
  • INVITED HER TO.
  • 00:03:54.030 --> 00:03:55.230
  • IT WAS A ROCKETS PLAY OFF GAME AGAINST THE LAKERS.
  • 00:03:55.250 --> 00:03:58.010
  • I REALIZED I HAD GIVEN THOSE TICKETS AWAY TO
  • 00:03:58.030 --> 00:04:00.050
  • SOME FRIENDS OF MINE MONTHS BEFORE.
  • 00:04:00.070 --> 00:04:02.090
  • SO NOW I DIDN'T HAVE THE TICKETS TO GO TO THE GAME
  • 00:04:02.110 --> 00:04:04.180
  • I INVITED HER TO.
  • 00:04:04.200 --> 00:04:06.130
  • AND I THOUGHT OH, MAN.
  • 00:04:06.150 --> 00:04:08.100
  • SO I WENT AND PICKED HER UP AND I SAID WELL, YOU
  • 00:04:08.120 --> 00:04:10.140
  • KNOW, I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T HAVE MY SEASON
  • 00:04:10.160 --> 00:04:12.190
  • TICKETS BUT WE CAN BUY TICKETS FROM THE SCALPERS
  • 00:04:12.210 --> 00:04:13.220
  • OUT FRONT.
  • 00:04:13.240 --> 00:04:15.160
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:04:15.180 --> 00:04:17.030
  • AND THAT'S WHEN IT WAS LEGAL.
  • 00:04:17.050 --> 00:04:18.160
  • IT'S NOT LEGAL NOW, SO WE CAME AND WE BOUGHT SOME
  • 00:04:18.180 --> 00:04:21.240
  • TICKETS OUT THERE AND PAID A LOT OF MONEY
  • 00:04:21.260 --> 00:04:23.020
  • FOR THEM.
  • 00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:24.120
  • THE GUY SAID THESE ARE GREAT SEATS AND I WAS
  • 00:04:24.140 --> 00:04:26.000
  • ALREADY KIND OF EMBARRASSED THAT I HAD TO
  • 00:04:26.020 --> 00:04:27.050
  • DO THAT.
  • 00:04:27.070 --> 00:04:28.270
  • SO SHE CAME THROUGH THE TURNSTILE WITH HER TICKET
  • 00:04:28.290 --> 00:04:30.270
  • AND I WENT TO GO THROUGH THE TURNSTILE WITH MINE,
  • 00:04:30.290 --> 00:04:33.020
  • AND THE LADY STOPPED ME AND SAID I'M SORRY, THIS
  • 00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:35.060
  • TICKET IS FOR TOMORROW NIGHT'S GAME.
  • 00:04:35.080 --> 00:04:37.020
  • SO VICTORIA WAS INSIDE.
  • 00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:39.010
  • I WAS OUTSIDE.
  • 00:04:39.030 --> 00:04:40.120
  • I DIDN'T EVEN HARDLY KNOW HER.
  • 00:04:40.140 --> 00:04:42.040
  • AND ALL I COULD DO IS WAVE TO HER THROUGH THOSE
  • 00:04:42.060 --> 00:04:43.190
  • GLASS WINDOWS.
  • 00:04:43.210 --> 00:04:45.290
  • I WAS SO EMBARRASSED.
  • 00:04:46.010 --> 00:04:47.090
  • ANYWAY, I WENT BACK.
  • 00:04:47.110 --> 00:04:48.260
  • I TOLD THE GUY THESE ARE FOR THE WRONG NIGHT.
  • 00:04:48.280 --> 00:04:50.160
  • HE SAID OKAY.
  • 00:04:50.180 --> 00:04:52.040
  • I'LL GIVE YOU SOME MORE.
  • 00:04:52.060 --> 00:04:53.150
  • HE GAVE ME SOME TICKETS.
  • 00:04:53.170 --> 00:04:55.030
  • HE SAID THESE ARE GOOD SEATS.
  • 00:04:55.050 --> 00:04:56.160
  • THEY WERE TERRIBLE.
  • 00:04:56.180 --> 00:04:58.050
  • THEY WERE ON THE ROW RIGHT UP NEXT TO THE FLAG
  • 00:04:58.070 --> 00:04:59.260
  • UP THERE.
  • 00:04:59.280 --> 00:05:01.120
  • THE TOP SECTION.
  • 00:05:01.140 --> 00:05:02.270
  • I COULDN'T EVEN SEE THE BASKETBALL GAME DOWN
  • 00:05:02.290 --> 00:05:04.050
  • HERE, SO FAR.
  • 00:05:04.070 --> 00:05:05.230
  • ANYWAY AT HALF TIME AT THAT TIME THEY PICKED
  • 00:05:05.250 --> 00:05:07.160
  • SOMEBODY FROM THE CROWD TO SHOOT A SHOT FROM HALF
  • 00:05:07.180 --> 00:05:10.000
  • COURT AND IF YOU MADE IT YOU WON A CARD.
  • 00:05:10.020 --> 00:05:12.060
  • WELL, THEY CHOSE SOMEBODY FROM OUR SECTION.
  • 00:05:12.080 --> 00:05:15.150
  • HALF-TIME ROLLED AROUND.
  • 00:05:15.170 --> 00:05:17.170
  • THE GUY GOES OUT TO HALF COURT.
  • 00:05:17.190 --> 00:05:20.050
  • HE SHOOTS THE BASKET AND HE SWISHES IT.
  • 00:05:20.070 --> 00:05:22.010
  • HE WINS A CAR.
  • 00:05:22.030 --> 00:05:23.280
  • WELL, ALL OF HIS FRIENDS WERE SITTING AROUND US.
  • 00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:25.280
  • WHEN THEY SAW HIM WIN, THEY JUMPED UP, THREW
  • 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:27.220
  • THEIR HANDS IN THE AIR.
  • 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:30.180
  • THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS THEY WERE ALL HOLDING CUPS OF
  • 00:05:30.200 --> 00:05:32.210
  • BEER WITH NO LIDS ON THEM.
  • 00:05:32.230 --> 00:05:35.070
  • THAT BEER WENT UP IN THE AIR.
  • 00:05:35.090 --> 00:05:37.260
  • IT WAS LIKE SLOW MOTION.
  • 00:05:37.280 --> 00:05:39.070
  • AND I HAD TIME TO PRAY.
  • 00:05:39.090 --> 00:05:40.230
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:40.250 --> 00:05:42.130
  • I SAID GOD, PLEASE DO NOT LET THAT BEER COME DOWN
  • 00:05:42.150 --> 00:05:44.100
  • ON VICTORIA.
  • 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:46.000
  • I SAID GOD, I'LL GO TO INDIA, BE A MISSIONARY.
  • 00:05:46.020 --> 00:05:47.270
  • GOD, I'LL DO ANYTHING, BUT GOD HAS A SENSE OF
  • 00:05:47.290 --> 00:05:51.160
  • HUMOR BECAUSE IT MISSED EVERYBODY BUT IT TOTALLY
  • 00:05:51.180 --> 00:05:53.140
  • DRENCHED VICTORIA.
  • 00:05:53.160 --> 00:05:55.040
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:05:55.060 --> 00:05:57.050
  • I'LL NEVER SEEING THAT BEER RUNNING DOWN HER
  • 00:05:57.070 --> 00:05:59.010
  • FOREHEAD DOWN ON HER LEATHER JACKET.
  • 00:05:59.030 --> 00:06:01.090
  • I THOUGHT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE HER HOME TO
  • 00:06:01.110 --> 00:06:03.100
  • HER PARENTS, A GOOD PREACHER'S KID, SHE'S
  • 00:06:03.120 --> 00:06:05.020
  • GONNA SMELL LIKE BEER.
  • 00:06:05.040 --> 00:06:06.290
  • BUT WE MADE IT THROUGH OUR FIRST DATE.
  • 00:06:07.010 --> 00:06:09.030
  • DATED FOR A YEAR AND A HALF.
  • 00:06:09.050 --> 00:06:10.290
  • GOT MARRIED.
  • 00:06:11.010 --> 00:06:12.090
  • AND ALL IS GOOD.
  • 00:06:12.110 --> 00:06:14.230
  • ALL IS GOOD.
  • 00:06:14.250 --> 00:06:16.200
  • I'M AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.
  • 00:06:16.220 --> 00:06:18.050
  • I LOVE HER.
  • 00:06:18.070 --> 00:06:19.120
  • MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
  • 00:06:19.140 --> 00:06:21.120
  • - YOU WANT ME TO TELL MY SIDE?
  • 00:06:21.140 --> 00:06:22.230
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:06:22.250 --> 00:06:24.270
  • WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME.
  • 00:06:24.290 --> 00:06:26.010
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:06:26.030 --> 00:06:27.210
  • - SO HERE'S A QUESTION, SO 31 YEARS OF BEING
  • 00:06:27.230 --> 00:06:29.120
  • MARRIED NOW.
  • 00:06:29.140 --> 00:06:31.120
  • IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE
  • 00:06:31.140 --> 00:06:33.260
  • TOLD YOU WHILE YOU WERE DATING OR WHILE YOU WERE
  • 00:06:33.280 --> 00:06:37.010
  • ENGAGED THAT YOU'VE LEARNED OVER THE YEARS?
  • 00:06:37.030 --> 00:06:39.090
  • - GO AHEAD, VICTORIA.
  • 00:06:39.110 --> 00:06:40.250
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:06:40.270 --> 00:06:44.080
  • - EVERYTHING DOCTOR LES AND LESLIE JUST SAID I
  • 00:06:44.100 --> 00:06:45.250
  • WISH I'D KNOWN THEN.
  • 00:06:45.270 --> 00:06:47.210
  • I DON'T KNOW.
  • 00:06:47.230 --> 00:06:49.130
  • GO AHEAD VICTORIA.
  • 00:06:49.150 --> 00:06:50.230
  • - NO, I'M LISTENING TO YOU.
  • 00:06:50.250 --> 00:06:52.120
  • - YOU KNOW, I WAS 24.
  • 00:06:52.140 --> 00:06:54.140
  • I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING.
  • 00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:56.140
  • I GUESS THAT THERE ARE SEASONS IN MARRIAGE AND
  • 00:06:56.160 --> 00:06:59.040
  • LOVE IS A COMMITMENT, BUT I DON'T KNOW, NICK.
  • 00:06:59.060 --> 00:07:02.130
  • WE KIND OF GREW THROUGH IT.
  • 00:07:02.150 --> 00:07:04.080
  • I SAW MY PARENTS MODELED MARRIAGE.
  • 00:07:04.100 --> 00:07:06.260
  • THEY WERE THE SAME AT HOME AS THEY WERE IN
  • 00:07:06.280 --> 00:07:08.140
  • THE PULPIT.
  • 00:07:08.160 --> 00:07:10.170
  • THEY LOVED EACH OTHER.
  • 00:07:10.190 --> 00:07:12.070
  • THERE WAS RESPECT IN OUR HOME, SO I DON'T KNOW IF
  • 00:07:12.090 --> 00:07:14.100
  • THERE WAS ANY BIG THING.
  • 00:07:14.120 --> 00:07:16.140
  • I THINK HAVING IT TO DO AGAIN WE'D GO THROUGH
  • 00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:18.120
  • SOME CLASSES BEFORE, KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.
  • 00:07:18.140 --> 00:07:20.150
  • BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING.
  • 00:07:20.170 --> 00:07:23.000
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:07:23.020 --> 00:07:24.190
  • YOU CAN ALWAYS LEARN.
  • 00:07:24.210 --> 00:07:26.270
  • THE THING IS YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT SO
  • 00:07:26.290 --> 00:07:30.270
  • YOU'VE GOT TO JUST GROW TOGETHER.
  • 00:07:30.290 --> 00:07:34.180
  • I MEAN, IT'S LIKE DOCTOR PARROTTS SAID, YOUR
  • 00:07:34.200 --> 00:07:38.190
  • RELATIONSHIP IS UNIQUE.
  • 00:07:38.210 --> 00:07:40.070
  • THE APOSTLE PAUL SAID I PRAY THAT YOUR LOVE WOULD
  • 00:07:40.090 --> 00:07:43.010
  • GROW AND ABOUND IN KNOWLEDGE AND DEPTH OF
  • 00:07:43.030 --> 00:07:45.270
  • INSIGHT.
  • 00:07:45.290 --> 00:07:47.240
  • SO I BELIEVE THAT REALLY MEANS THAT YOU CAN'T KNOW
  • 00:07:47.260 --> 00:07:50.130
  • YOUR LOVE UNTIL YOU GROW IN THAT LOVE, UNTIL YOU
  • 00:07:50.150 --> 00:07:53.020
  • STUDY YOUR PARTNER, UNTIL YOU ARE AWARE OF WHAT
  • 00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:56.030
  • THEY LIKE AND WHAT THEY DON'T LIKE AND WHAT AGGRAVATES
  • 00:07:56.050 --> 00:07:59.230
  • THEM AND WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY.
  • 00:07:59.250 --> 00:08:02.020
  • I THINK TOO OFTEN WE DON'T DO THAT FOR ONE
  • 00:08:02.040 --> 00:08:04.100
  • ANOTHER BECAUSE WE ARE CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT
  • 00:08:04.120 --> 00:08:09.080
  • MAKES US HAPPY AND MAKES US TICK.
  • 00:08:09.100 --> 00:08:11.210
  • BUT IN OUR MARRIAGE ONE THING THAT I REALLY
  • 00:08:11.230 --> 00:08:14.110
  • WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH WAS TO KNOW HIM, TO
  • 00:08:14.130 --> 00:08:17.180
  • UNDERSTAND HIM, TO STUDY HIM, AND THROUGH THE
  • 00:08:17.200 --> 00:08:20.040
  • DIFFERENT SEASONS OF LIFE I THINK THAT'S HELPED ME
  • 00:08:20.060 --> 00:08:22.160
  • SO MUCH BECAUSE I'VE BEEN ABLE TO NOT GET UPSET
  • 00:08:22.180 --> 00:08:25.210
  • WHEN HE ACTS A CERTAIN WAY OR WHEN HE DOES A
  • 00:08:25.230 --> 00:08:28.280
  • CERTAIN THING BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND OKAY, HE'S
  • 00:08:29.000 --> 00:08:30.220
  • UNDER STRESS.
  • 00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:33.030
  • HE DOESN'T LIKE TO DO THIS AT THAT TIME.
  • 00:08:33.050 --> 00:08:35.120
  • SO I CAN BACK OFF AND I CAN GO OKAY, THAT'S JUST
  • 00:08:35.140 --> 00:08:38.200
  • WHO HE IS, AND I MADE A DECISION THAT I WANT TO
  • 00:08:38.220 --> 00:08:41.010
  • ACCEPT WHO HE IS AND HIS PERSONALITY.
  • 00:08:41.030 --> 00:08:43.110
  • SO I THINK YOU CAN'T KNOW SO MUCH.
  • 00:08:43.130 --> 00:08:46.280
  • YOU JUST GOT TO BE WILLING TO GET IN THERE
  • 00:08:47.000 --> 00:08:49.030
  • AND DO THE WORK.
  • 00:08:49.050 --> 00:08:51.040
  • AND FOR ALL THOSE WHO ARE JUST MARRIED I HATE TO
  • 00:08:51.060 --> 00:08:52.290
  • SAY THAT IT'S WORK.
  • 00:08:53.010 --> 00:08:54.110
  • IT'S GOOD WORK.
  • 00:08:54.130 --> 00:08:56.000
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:08:56.020 --> 00:08:58.000
  • - THAT'S GOOD.
  • 00:08:58.020 --> 00:08:59.250
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:08:59.270 --> 00:09:03.110
  • - OH.
  • 00:09:03.130 --> 00:09:04.180
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:09:04.200 --> 00:09:08.080
  • - UM, HOW DO WE MANAGE EACH OTHER DIFFERENCES?
  • 00:09:08.100 --> 00:09:11.060
  • - HOW DO WE MANAGE EACH OTHER BECAUSE HE
  • 00:09:11.080 --> 00:09:13.290
  • ALWAYS AGREES WITH EVERYTHING I SAY.
  • 00:09:14.010 --> 00:09:15.180
  • - ABSOLUTELY.
  • 00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:16.240
  • I'VE LEARNED THAT.
  • 00:09:16.260 --> 00:09:18.050
  • - THAT'S NOT TRUE.
  • 00:09:18.070 --> 00:09:19.130
  • - HE LOVES TO TALK.
  • 00:09:19.150 --> 00:09:20.210
  • I CAN TALK TOO, BUT HE LOVES TO TALK.
  • 00:09:20.230 --> 00:09:21.270
  • - OH.
  • 00:09:21.290 --> 00:09:23.230
  • - I REALLY FELT THAT I COULD INTERRUPT HIM AT
  • 00:09:23.250 --> 00:09:26.050
  • ANY POINT BECAUSE I CAN BE INTERRUPTED.
  • 00:09:26.070 --> 00:09:27.150
  • I'M ALL ABOUT PEOPLE.
  • 00:09:27.170 --> 00:09:29.070
  • - WE KIND OF JUST MAKE FUN OF EACH OTHER.
  • 00:09:29.090 --> 00:09:31.250
  • - AND HE STOPPED BLOWING HIS NOSE IN OUR TOWELS.
  • 00:09:31.270 --> 00:09:35.030
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:09:35.050 --> 00:09:37.010
  • - DON'T TELL THEM THAT STORY.
  • 00:09:37.030 --> 00:09:39.100
  • - YEAH, THAT'S TRUE BUT YOU LOVE TO TALK AND YOU
  • 00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:41.150
  • LOVE TO TALK AT 2: 43 IN THE MORNING AND YOU WANT
  • 00:09:41.170 --> 00:09:45.190
  • TO SHARE HER WHOLE HEART AND IT'S FINE BECAUSE
  • 00:09:45.210 --> 00:09:48.240
  • THAT'S WHEN THERE'S NORMALLY NO CHILDREN AND
  • 00:09:48.260 --> 00:09:50.280
  • THERE ARE NO DISTRACTIONS.
  • 00:09:51.000 --> 00:09:52.080
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:09:52.100 --> 00:09:54.140
  • - I'M ALL ABOUT PEOPLE, AND YOU HAVE TO GET A
  • 00:09:54.160 --> 00:09:56.090
  • TASK DONE.
  • 00:09:56.110 --> 00:09:57.240
  • - I'M TASK ORIENTED.
  • 00:09:57.260 --> 00:09:59.010
  • SHE'S PEOPLE ORIENTED.
  • 00:09:59.030 --> 00:10:00.250
  • - IT WAS PRETTY SHOCKING TO ME THAT I WASN'T HIS
  • 00:10:00.270 --> 00:10:02.050
  • ONLY TASK IN LIFE.
  • 00:10:02.070 --> 00:10:04.020
  • - ULTIMATELY WE LOVE EACH OTHER, SO IF SOMEONE
  • 00:10:04.040 --> 00:10:06.280
  • IS BEING PARTICULARLY ANNOYING, WE JUST CALL
  • 00:10:07.000 --> 00:10:09.040
  • THEM OUT ON IT.
  • 00:10:09.060 --> 00:10:10.200
  • - YEP.
  • 00:10:10.220 --> 00:10:12.250
  • - HE THOUGHT THE TISSUE WAS TOO ROUGH ON HIS NOSE
  • 00:10:12.270 --> 00:10:14.140
  • SO HE WOULD BLOW HIS NOSE IN OUR TOWELS.
  • 00:10:14.160 --> 00:10:16.130
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:10:16.150 --> 00:10:18.020
  • - THE DAY IS CALM AT 2: 43 AM.
  • 00:10:18.040 --> 00:10:19.240
  • - IT'S ALSO TIME TO GO TO SLEEP OR OTHER THINGS.
  • 00:10:19.260 --> 00:10:22.290
  • [ PURRING ]
  • 00:10:23.010 --> 00:10:24.090
  • - OH.
  • 00:10:24.110 --> 00:10:25.260
  • - I THINK WE FINALLY STARTED SEEING EACH
  • 00:10:25.280 --> 00:10:28.030
  • OTHER'S DIFFERENCES AS STRENGTHS AND REALIZED IF
  • 00:10:28.050 --> 00:10:30.000
  • WE'RE ONE THEN THE THINGS THAT USED TO GET ON MY
  • 00:10:30.020 --> 00:10:32.020
  • NERVES ABOUT HER ACTUALLY I LOVE ABOUT HER NOW.
  • 00:10:32.040 --> 00:10:34.010
  • IT'S JUST A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE.
  • 00:10:34.030 --> 00:10:36.060
  • SHE IS VERY STRATEGIC IN HER THINKING AND I'M
  • 00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:38.210
  • EXTREMELY POSITIVE IN MY THINKING SO SOMETIMES
  • 00:10:38.230 --> 00:10:41.180
  • THOSE 2 CAN CLASH.
  • 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:44.080
  • AND I THINK NOW WE REALIZE HEY, WE'RE ON THE
  • 00:10:44.100 --> 00:10:47.070
  • SAME TEAM.
  • 00:10:47.090 --> 00:10:49.040
  • - SO WE HAD TO DO A DANCE TO FIGURE THAT
  • 00:10:49.060 --> 00:10:51.060
  • ONE OUT.
  • 00:10:51.080 --> 00:10:52.290
  • - AS EVERY COUPLE DOES BECAUSE WE HAVE TO
  • 00:10:53.010 --> 00:10:54.250
  • UNCOVER THESE DIFFERENCES AND AVOID STEPPING ON
  • 00:10:54.270 --> 00:10:56.270
  • EACH OTHER'S TOES IN THE DANCE OF MARRIAGE.
  • 00:10:56.290 --> 00:10:58.180
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:10:58.200 --> 00:11:01.190
  • - THAT'S GOOD.
  • 00:11:01.210 --> 00:11:03.110
  • - JUST FOR YOU GUYS, HOW IMPORTANT IS HONOR?
  • 00:11:03.130 --> 00:11:05.130
  • HONORING EACH OTHER AND EVEN JUST THE BIBLICAL
  • 00:11:05.150 --> 00:11:08.060
  • POWER OF HONORING AND WHAT THAT DOES TO YOUR
  • 00:11:08.080 --> 00:11:10.140
  • PRAYER LIFE AND EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE.
  • 00:11:10.160 --> 00:11:12.000
  • CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HONOR FOR A MINUTE?
  • 00:11:12.020 --> 00:11:14.070
  • - I THINK ONE WAY YOU CAN HONOR SOMEONE IS TO
  • 00:11:14.090 --> 00:11:16.190
  • RECOGNIZE WHAT THEY HIKE TO DO AND TO RECOGNIZE
  • 00:11:16.210 --> 00:11:19.080
  • WHAT FEEDS THEM, RECOGNIZE WHAT GIVES THEM
  • 00:11:19.100 --> 00:11:22.040
  • STRENGTH AND DO IT WITH THEM.
  • 00:11:22.060 --> 00:11:23.240
  • I LOVE WHAT THE PARROTTS SAID.
  • 00:11:23.260 --> 00:11:26.100
  • THEY SAID LIKE A GUY WANTS TO DO SOME KIND
  • 00:11:26.120 --> 00:11:29.200
  • OF RECREATION.
  • 00:11:29.220 --> 00:11:31.000
  • HE WANTS TO DO ACTIVITY.
  • 00:11:31.020 --> 00:11:32.290
  • A WOMAN USUALLY WANTS TO SIT AROUND AND TALK.
  • 00:11:33.010 --> 00:11:35.140
  • AND SO KNOWING THAT YOU HONOR YOUR SPOUSE, I
  • 00:11:35.160 --> 00:11:37.270
  • MEAN, ONE THING THAT JOEL AND I DO A LOT OF AND THE
  • 00:11:37.290 --> 00:11:40.190
  • REASON I DO IT IS BECAUSE I WANT TO HONOR IS WE GO
  • 00:11:40.210 --> 00:11:42.250
  • BIKE RIDING.
  • 00:11:42.270 --> 00:11:45.150
  • AND I'LL GO BIKE RIDING EVEN WHEN I DON'T FEEL
  • 00:11:45.170 --> 00:11:49.070
  • LIKE GOING BIKE RIDING SOMETIMES BECAUSE I WANT
  • 00:11:49.090 --> 00:11:51.030
  • TO HONOR HIM.
  • 00:11:51.050 --> 00:11:52.190
  • AND IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE REALLY IT'S FUNNY
  • 00:11:52.210 --> 00:11:55.100
  • THEY SAID THAT, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT BUT MAN, I
  • 00:11:55.120 --> 00:11:57.200
  • GET TO DO ALL KINDS OF TALKING WHEN I'M
  • 00:11:57.220 --> 00:11:59.280
  • BIKE RIDING.
  • 00:12:00.020 --> 00:12:01.120
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:12:01.140 --> 00:12:03.040
  • I JUST JAB, JAB, JAB AND HE CAN'T GETAWAY FROM ME.
  • 00:12:03.060 --> 00:12:06.120
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:12:06.140 --> 00:12:07.260
  • - WE RUN A LOT OF PEOPLE OFF THE ROAD, TOO.
  • 00:12:07.280 --> 00:12:09.220
  • - BUT YOU KNOW, JUST CERTAIN THINGS THAT I
  • 00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:11.210
  • KNOW HE LIKES TO DO FOR RECREATION.
  • 00:12:11.230 --> 00:12:13.120
  • IT CAN BE AS SIMPLE AS DRIVING AROUND NOWHERE,
  • 00:12:13.140 --> 00:12:16.120
  • JUST DRIVING AROUND REMINISCING, GOING TO
  • 00:12:16.140 --> 00:12:18.060
  • LOOK AT AN OLD PLACE WE LIVED OR THE OLD CHURCH
  • 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:20.120
  • OR THINGS LIKE THAT.
  • 00:12:20.140 --> 00:12:22.170
  • I MEAN, AS SIMPLE AS THAT THAT'S HONOR.
  • 00:12:22.190 --> 00:12:24.150
  • THAT'S HONORING WHAT SOMEONE ELSE LIKE TO DO,
  • 00:12:24.170 --> 00:12:26.230
  • AND I THINK WHEN I DO THAT I SEE THAT YOU'LL
  • 00:12:26.250 --> 00:12:28.270
  • HONOR ME BACK AND BEGIN TO DO THE THINGS THAT I
  • 00:12:28.290 --> 00:12:31.040
  • LIKE TO DO.
  • 00:12:31.060 --> 00:12:33.050
  • AS FAR AS JUST HONORING WITH OUR WORDS I THINK
  • 00:12:33.070 --> 00:12:35.240
  • THAT'S HUGE.
  • 00:12:35.260 --> 00:12:38.060
  • I THINK THAT'S IMPORTANT.
  • 00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:40.010
  • I GREW UP IN A FAMILY THAT WOULD VERY
  • 00:12:40.030 --> 00:12:41.200
  • MUCH ENCOURAGE.
  • 00:12:41.220 --> 00:12:43.090
  • MY MOTHER WOULD ENCOURAGE ME.
  • 00:12:43.110 --> 00:12:45.120
  • I WATCHED HER ENCOURAGE OTHERS AND FIND THE GOOD
  • 00:12:45.140 --> 00:12:47.190
  • IN OTHERS, SO IT'S EASY FOR ME TO ENCOURAGE AND
  • 00:12:47.210 --> 00:12:50.090
  • TELL JOEL THAT HE CAN DO THIS AND THAT HE DID
  • 00:12:50.110 --> 00:12:52.140
  • THAT GREAT.
  • 00:12:52.160 --> 00:12:55.020
  • AND IT'S JUST EASY FOR ME, SO I THINK HONORING
  • 00:12:55.040 --> 00:13:00.150
  • WITH YOUR WORDS IS SO IMPORTANT AND HONORING
  • 00:13:00.170 --> 00:13:03.270
  • WITH YOUR ACTIONS AS WELL.
  • 00:13:03.290 --> 00:13:06.020
  • SO WE DON'T ALWAYS AGREE.
  • 00:13:06.040 --> 00:13:08.180
  • WE DON'T.
  • 00:13:08.200 --> 00:13:10.140
  • WE AGREE ON MORE THAN WE DISAGREE ON BUT WE'RE
  • 00:13:10.160 --> 00:13:13.020
  • BOTH VERY STRONG PEOPLE.
  • 00:13:13.040 --> 00:13:15.060
  • WE BOTH HAVE STRONG OPINIONS AND SO WE DO
  • 00:13:15.080 --> 00:13:17.240
  • MANY TIMES COME TO THIS PLACE WHERE IT'S LIKE
  • 00:13:17.260 --> 00:13:20.150
  • YOU'RE IDEA AND MY IDEA ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT,
  • 00:13:20.170 --> 00:13:24.170
  • AND SO WE'VE GOT TO LEARN TO AGREE TO DISAGREE.
  • 00:13:24.190 --> 00:13:28.050
  • AND THROUGH THE YEARS WE'VE LEARNED TO DO IT
  • 00:13:28.070 --> 00:13:30.130
  • RESPECTFULLY AND LEARNED TO DO IT RESPECTFULLY.
  • 00:13:30.150 --> 00:13:33.170
  • WE HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN PERFECT IN THE WAY WE DID
  • 00:13:33.190 --> 00:13:35.260
  • IT BUT WE'VE LEARNED SO MUCH.
  • 00:13:35.280 --> 00:13:38.250
  • IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME, YOU KNOW, BEFORE
  • 00:13:38.270 --> 00:13:42.130
  • THE THINGS WORKS OUT, BUT YOU CAN'T JUST GET MAD AT
  • 00:13:42.150 --> 00:13:45.150
  • EACH OTHER AND GIVE EACH OTHER COLD SHOULDER AND
  • 00:13:45.170 --> 00:13:47.190
  • NOT TALK TO EACH OTHER FOR 2 DAYS BECAUSE YOU
  • 00:13:47.210 --> 00:13:50.010
  • WANT YOUR WAY.
  • 00:13:50.030 --> 00:13:52.090
  • AND THAT'S USUALLY WHAT DISAGREEMENTS ARE.
  • 00:13:52.110 --> 00:13:54.110
  • IT'S THE OTHER PERSON WANTS THEIR WAY, SO WE'VE
  • 00:13:54.130 --> 00:13:56.110
  • JUST LEARNED TO AGREE TO DISAGREE WITH RESPECT AND
  • 00:13:56.130 --> 00:13:58.190
  • WHAT I THINK ABOUT WHEN I THINK ABOUT RESPECTING
  • 00:13:58.210 --> 00:14:03.010
  • HIM I THINK ABOUT VALUE BECAUSE WHEN YOU VALUE
  • 00:14:03.030 --> 00:14:05.160
  • SOMETHING, YOU PLACE GREAT RESPECT ON IT.
  • 00:14:05.180 --> 00:14:08.270
  • IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT'S PRECIOUS TO YOU,
  • 00:14:08.290 --> 00:14:11.200
  • YOU'RE GOING TO TREAT IT WITH GREAT RESPECT.
  • 00:14:11.220 --> 00:14:14.280
  • IF IT'S VALUABLE YOU'RE GOING TO PUT IT IN A
  • 00:14:15.000 --> 00:14:16.250
  • SPECIAL PLACE.
  • 00:14:16.270 --> 00:14:18.250
  • YOU'RE NOT JUST GOING TO THROW IT IN THE JUNK
  • 00:14:18.270 --> 00:14:20.190
  • DRAWERS AND THROW YOUR KEYS AND EVERYTHING ELSE
  • 00:14:20.210 --> 00:14:22.210
  • IN THAT DRAWER.
  • 00:14:22.230 --> 00:14:24.260
  • IT'S GOING TO HAVE VALUE SO YOU'RE GOING TO
  • 00:14:24.280 --> 00:14:26.060
  • RESPECT IT.
  • 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:27.290
  • SO I REMIND MYSELF, HOW MUCH DO I VALUE HIM?
  • 00:14:28.010 --> 00:14:29.130
  • I VALUE WHAT GOD GAVE ME.
  • 00:14:29.150 --> 00:14:31.180
  • I VALUE THAT HE'S A HARD WORKER.
  • 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:33.190
  • AND THEN I GO DOWN TO THE LIST.
  • 00:14:33.210 --> 00:14:36.070
  • I VALUE HE'S A GOOD FATHER.
  • 00:14:36.090 --> 00:14:38.010
  • I VALUE THAT HE'S GOOD TO ME.
  • 00:14:38.030 --> 00:14:39.260
  • SO WHEN YOU START LOOKING AT IT LIKE THAT, SOMEHOW
  • 00:14:39.280 --> 00:14:42.240
  • THOSE DISAGREEMENTS THEY JUST BECOME SO MUCH
  • 00:14:42.260 --> 00:14:45.230
  • SMALLER AND THEY END UP WORKING OUT IN THE
  • 00:14:45.250 --> 00:14:48.040
  • END ANYWAY.
  • 00:14:48.060 --> 00:14:50.200
  • HE ALWAYS COMES TO MY SIDE IN THE END.
  • 00:14:50.220 --> 00:14:53.240
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:14:53.260 --> 00:14:57.200
  • BUT ANYWAY, SO THAT'S WHAT I WOULD SAY
  • 00:14:57.220 --> 00:15:00.210
  • ABOUT HONOR.
  • 00:15:00.230 --> 00:15:02.180
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:15:02.200 --> 00:15:04.000
  • I THINK HONOR AND RESPECT GO HAND IN HAND, NICK.
  • 00:15:04.020 --> 00:15:05.280
  • AND I THINK THAT'S ONE THING PEOPLE ASK, I'VE
  • 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:08.190
  • BEEN ASKED WHAT'S THE SECRET OF A GOOD MARRIAGE
  • 00:15:08.210 --> 00:15:10.190
  • FOR US?
  • 00:15:10.210 --> 00:15:12.020
  • I'M NOT THE EXPERT BUT I WOULD SAY KEEPING RESPECT
  • 00:15:12.040 --> 00:15:14.100
  • IN THE HOME BECAUSE IT'S EASY TO BE DISRESPECTFUL
  • 00:15:14.120 --> 00:15:18.130
  • AND THROW WORDS AROUND AND SAY THINGS YOU
  • 00:15:18.150 --> 00:15:20.220
  • DON'T MEAN.
  • 00:15:20.240 --> 00:15:22.210
  • BUT I LIKE THAT SCRIPTURES, IT SAYS
  • 00:15:22.230 --> 00:15:25.100
  • AVOIDING A FIGHT IS A MARK OF HONOR.
  • 00:15:25.120 --> 00:15:28.170
  • YOU KNOW, NOT WINNING A FIGHT.
  • 00:15:28.190 --> 00:15:31.120
  • SOMETIMES WE THINK HEY, I WANT TO -- BUT THE REAL KEY
  • 00:15:31.140 --> 00:15:33.240
  • IS CAN YOU AVOID THE FIGHT.
  • 00:15:33.260 --> 00:15:35.280
  • THE AMPLIFIED SAYS BLESSED ON THE PEACE
  • 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:38.150
  • MAKERS, THE MAKERS AND MAINTAINERS OF PEACE.
  • 00:15:38.170 --> 00:15:42.260
  • SO I THINK A BIG THING IS TO KEEP THE PEACE IN THE
  • 00:15:42.280 --> 00:15:45.130
  • HOME AND THE WAY YOU DO THAT I BELIEVE, ONE WAY
  • 00:15:45.150 --> 00:15:47.230
  • IS TREATING EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT.
  • 00:15:47.250 --> 00:15:50.160
  • IT'S EASY TO SAY HURTFUL THINGS WHEN YOU'RE
  • 00:15:50.180 --> 00:15:53.010
  • AGGRAVATED, BUT YOU JUST NEED TO WALK AWAY AND
  • 00:15:53.030 --> 00:15:55.270
  • KEEP YOUR COOL AND KEEP THINGS RESPECTFUL.
  • 00:15:55.290 --> 00:15:58.240
  • I WANT TO TELL A QUICK STORY.
  • 00:15:58.260 --> 00:16:00.250
  • A FRIEND OF MINE, YOU MAY HAVE HEARD THIS BUT HE'S
  • 00:16:00.270 --> 00:16:04.200
  • A MINISTER, AND THIS WAS YEARS AGO, BUT HE AND HIS
  • 00:16:04.220 --> 00:16:07.110
  • WIFE HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR MAYBE A HALF DOZEN YEARS
  • 00:16:07.130 --> 00:16:09.230
  • OR SO.
  • 00:16:09.250 --> 00:16:11.190
  • MAYBE A LITTLE MORE.
  • 00:16:11.210 --> 00:16:13.110
  • BUT THEY'D BEEN TRYING TO HAVE A BABY.
  • 00:16:13.130 --> 00:16:15.180
  • THEY WENT THROUGH ALL THE FERTILITY TREATMENTS.
  • 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:17.120
  • THEY DID ALL THIS STUFF, AND HE'S A GOOD MAN.
  • 00:16:17.140 --> 00:16:18.240
  • HE COULDN'T HAVE A CHILD.
  • 00:16:18.260 --> 00:16:20.140
  • HE TRAVELED OVERSEAS TO INDIA, TEACHING, DOING
  • 00:16:20.160 --> 00:16:22.150
  • MISSIONARY WORK.
  • 00:16:22.170 --> 00:16:24.050
  • COMING BACK HOME ON THE PLANE HE WAS
  • 00:16:24.070 --> 00:16:25.280
  • REAL FRUSTRATED.
  • 00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:27.030
  • HE SAID GOD, IT'S NOT FAIR.
  • 00:16:27.050 --> 00:16:28.170
  • HE SAID, I TRAVEL ALL OVER THE WORLD TO HELP
  • 00:16:28.190 --> 00:16:30.240
  • OTHER PEOPLE BUT WE'RE PRAYING TO HAVE THIS BABY
  • 00:16:30.260 --> 00:16:33.120
  • BUT WE CAN'T HAVE A CHILD.
  • 00:16:33.140 --> 00:16:35.090
  • HE SAID HE FELT LIKE GOD SPOKE TO HIM DOWN IN
  • 00:16:35.110 --> 00:16:38.070
  • HIS HEART.
  • 00:16:38.090 --> 00:16:40.030
  • HE SAID THE REASON YOU CAN'T HAVE A CHILD IS
  • 00:16:40.050 --> 00:16:42.020
  • BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT TREATING YOUR WIFE RIGHT.
  • 00:16:42.040 --> 00:16:44.060
  • AND LIKE I SAID HE'S A GOOD MAN, A FRIEND
  • 00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:47.250
  • OF MINE.
  • 00:16:47.270 --> 00:16:50.020
  • IT WASN'T LIKE THERE WAS ABUSE OR SOMETHING.
  • 00:16:50.040 --> 00:16:52.000
  • BUT HE JUST SAID DOWN IN HIS HEART, HE SAID I KNEW
  • 00:16:52.020 --> 00:16:54.040
  • I WAS JUST GETTING SLOPPY, NOT RESPECTING
  • 00:16:54.060 --> 00:16:55.280
  • HER, SAYING THINGS THAT I SHOULDN'T, JUST THESE
  • 00:16:56.000 --> 00:16:57.090
  • LITTLE THINGS.
  • 00:16:57.110 --> 00:16:59.020
  • WELL LONG STORY SHORT HE MADE THOSE CHANGES.
  • 00:16:59.040 --> 00:17:00.240
  • IT WASN'T A YEAR OR 2 THAT THEY CONCEIVED AND
  • 00:17:00.260 --> 00:17:02.240
  • HAD THAT BABY, BUT I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT
  • 00:17:02.260 --> 00:17:04.280
  • SCRIPTURE THAT SAYS, I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED IT UP,
  • 00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:07.130
  • BUT BASICALLY IT SAYS IF YOU DON'T TREAT YOUR
  • 00:17:07.150 --> 00:17:09.220
  • SPOUSE RIGHT AND PEOPLE RIGHT, IT CAN HINDER YOUR
  • 00:17:09.240 --> 00:17:11.290
  • PRAYERS FROM BECOMING ANSWERED.
  • 00:17:12.010 --> 00:17:14.050
  • WHAT STRUCK ME IS THERE'S ONE THING WHEN THERE'S
  • 00:17:14.070 --> 00:17:17.010
  • ABUSE AND ALL THIS GOING ON, BUT THESE WHY JUST
  • 00:17:17.030 --> 00:17:19.280
  • LITTLE THINGS.
  • 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:21.220
  • SO I THINK IF WE'LL DEAL WITH THESE LITTLE THINGS
  • 00:17:21.240 --> 00:17:23.190
  • AND SAY YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:17:23.210 --> 00:17:25.040
  • I'M GOING TO BE A PERSON OF RESPECT AND HONOR.
  • 00:17:25.060 --> 00:17:27.050
  • I MAY NOT GET MY WAY ALL THE TIME AND BUT I'M NOT
  • 00:17:27.070 --> 00:17:29.000
  • GOING TO SAY THINGS.
  • 00:17:29.020 --> 00:17:30.080
  • I THINK WE ALL KNOW INDIVIDUALLY WHEN WE'RE
  • 00:17:30.100 --> 00:17:32.290
  • LOWERING THE STANDARD, BUT IF WE'LL RAISE IT
  • 00:17:33.010 --> 00:17:35.100
  • BACK UP, I THINK THE DISRESPECT THE SCRIPTURE
  • 00:17:35.120 --> 00:17:38.100
  • TALKS ABOUT HOW IT CAN KEEP OUR PRAYERS FROM
  • 00:17:38.120 --> 00:17:41.140
  • BEING ANSWERED.
  • 00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:43.040
  • - AND THEY HAD A BABY?
  • 00:17:43.060 --> 00:17:44.120
  • - THEY HAD A BABY.
  • 00:17:44.140 --> 00:17:45.210
  • THEY'RE HAPPILY BABIED NOW.
  • 00:17:45.230 --> 00:17:46.270
  • WHATEVER THAT'S CALLED.
  • 00:17:46.290 --> 00:17:48.120
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:17:48.140 --> 00:17:50.130
  • THAT'S A NEW ONE.
  • 00:17:50.150 --> 00:17:51.070
  • WE'LL COIN THAT PHRASE.
  • 00:17:51.090 --> 00:17:52.000
  • WE'RE HAPPILY BABIED NOW.
  • 00:17:52.020 --> 00:17:55.000
  • - THAT'S THE TWEAK TONIGHT.
  • 00:17:55.020 --> 00:17:56.240
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:17:56.260 --> 00:17:59.180
  • - LAUGHTER, LAUGHTER IS SO IMPORTANT IN
  • 00:17:59.200 --> 00:18:01.240
  • THE MARRIAGE.
  • 00:18:01.260 --> 00:18:03.090
  • - ANY KEYS THAT YOU HAVE?
  • 00:18:03.110 --> 00:18:04.110
  • - IT IS.
  • 00:18:04.130 --> 00:18:05.190
  • I'M JUMPING IN VICTORIA.
  • 00:18:05.210 --> 00:18:07.170
  • I'M TAKING ALL THE TIME.
  • 00:18:07.190 --> 00:18:09.130
  • IT'S MY PLATFORM.
  • 00:18:09.150 --> 00:18:10.190
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:10.210 --> 00:18:14.200
  • - HUH?
  • 00:18:14.220 --> 00:18:15.130
  • HUH?
  • 00:18:15.150 --> 00:18:17.100
  • - YOU KNOW, I THINK -- - WE CAN GET BOXING
  • 00:18:17.120 --> 00:18:20.090
  • GLOVES OUT HERE.
  • 00:18:20.110 --> 00:18:21.190
  • SET UP A RING.
  • 00:18:21.210 --> 00:18:23.140
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:18:23.160 --> 00:18:25.030
  • - YOU KNOW, REALLY WE GROW UP AND WE LAUGH ALL
  • 00:18:25.050 --> 00:18:27.150
  • THE TIME GROWING UP AND WHEN WE GOT MARRIED,
  • 00:18:27.170 --> 00:18:29.100
  • DIDN'T HAVE A CARE IN THE WORLD.
  • 00:18:29.120 --> 00:18:31.010
  • YOU KNOW HOW THIS IS, BUT THERE'S PRESSURES OF
  • 00:18:31.030 --> 00:18:33.070
  • LIFE, RAISING KIDS AND RAISING BUDGETS AND DOING
  • 00:18:33.090 --> 00:18:35.220
  • WORK AND ALL THAT.
  • 00:18:35.240 --> 00:18:38.190
  • I'VE SEEN IN MY OWN AND WITH OTHER PEOPLE IT'S
  • 00:18:38.210 --> 00:18:40.120
  • JUST EASY TO KIND OF BECOME MORE SOLEMN,
  • 00:18:40.140 --> 00:18:43.120
  • MORE SOUR.
  • 00:18:43.140 --> 00:18:45.290
  • YOU LOSE YOUR JOY.
  • 00:18:46.010 --> 00:18:47.210
  • BUT WING THING, WE'RE NOT PERFECT AT IT BUT ONE
  • 00:18:47.230 --> 00:18:49.100
  • THING WE'VE TRIED TO DO IS KEEP LAUGHTER IN THE
  • 00:18:49.120 --> 00:18:51.000
  • HOME, AT LEAST A SPIRIT OF JOY IN THE HOME.
  • 00:18:51.020 --> 00:18:53.110
  • I ALWAYS HEAR VICTORIA ALL THROUGH THE DAY
  • 00:18:53.130 --> 00:18:56.000
  • LAUGHING IN ANOTHER ROOM WITH SOMEBODY.
  • 00:18:56.020 --> 00:18:58.270
  • THAT LAUGHTER WOULD JUST ECHO DOWN THROUGH THE
  • 00:18:58.290 --> 00:19:01.000
  • HALLWAYS IN THE HOUSE AND I THOUGHT WHAT BETTER
  • 00:19:01.020 --> 00:19:03.160
  • THING TO HAVE A HOUSE FILLED WITH JOY.
  • 00:19:03.180 --> 00:19:06.200
  • I THINK MANY TIMES I BELIEVE VICTORIA SETS
  • 00:19:06.220 --> 00:19:09.160
  • THAT TONE BECAUSE SHE'S FULL OF JOY.
  • 00:19:09.180 --> 00:19:11.100
  • HE LOVES TO LAUGH.
  • 00:19:11.120 --> 00:19:13.000
  • AND LIFE GETS STRESSFUL.
  • 00:19:13.020 --> 00:19:15.050
  • IT GETS BUSY.
  • 00:19:15.070 --> 00:19:17.020
  • YOU GOT ALL KINDS OF THINGS HAPPENING, BUT I
  • 00:19:17.040 --> 00:19:19.150
  • THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU GOT TO TURN THINGS
  • 00:19:19.170 --> 00:19:22.220
  • OVER TO GOD AND SAY GOD, YOU'RE IN CONTROL OF MY
  • 00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:25.010
  • LIFE AND I'M GOING TO KEEP MY JOY AND TAKE TIME
  • 00:19:25.030 --> 00:19:27.160
  • TO LAUGH AND HAVE RECREATION AND I DRAG
  • 00:19:27.180 --> 00:19:29.170
  • VICTORIA ALL OVER THE CITY RIDING BIKES AND SHE
  • 00:19:29.190 --> 00:19:31.200
  • JUST COMES AND WE LAUGH AND HAVE FUN.
  • 00:19:31.220 --> 00:19:33.220
  • BUT I THINK KEEPING THAT LAUGHTER IN THE HOME IS
  • 00:19:33.240 --> 00:19:35.190
  • SO IMPORTANT.
  • 00:19:35.210 --> 00:19:37.200
  • - SOMETIMES WE TAKE OURSELVES SO SERIOUSLY
  • 00:19:37.220 --> 00:19:39.190
  • AND EVERYTHING IS SO SERIOUS.
  • 00:19:39.210 --> 00:19:41.290
  • I THINK SOMETIMES WHEN YOU JUST LAUGH IN FAITH
  • 00:19:42.010 --> 00:19:43.190
  • IT JUST BREAKS SOMETHING IN THE ATMOSPHERE AND I
  • 00:19:43.210 --> 00:19:45.230
  • THINK THAT'S WHAT WE NEED SOMETIMES.
  • 00:19:45.250 --> 00:19:48.070
  • JUST TRY IT.
  • 00:19:48.090 --> 00:19:49.280
  • JUST LAUGH IN FAITH AND WHATEVER THAT THING IS,
  • 00:19:50.000 --> 00:19:51.210
  • THAT STRONGHOLD THAT'S TRYING TO TAKE HOLD YOU
  • 00:19:51.230 --> 00:19:53.090
  • CAN JUST BREAK IT WITH LAUGHTER.
  • 00:19:53.110 --> 00:19:57.010
  • - YOU TALKED ABOUT COMPROMISE A LITTLE BIT
  • 00:19:57.030 --> 00:20:00.010
  • AND DIFFERENT THINGS YOU'VE CHOSEN TO DO TO
  • 00:20:00.030 --> 00:20:02.140
  • COMPROMISE FOR HIM AND VICE VERSA.
  • 00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:04.170
  • IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU SEE THAT HELPS
  • 00:20:04.190 --> 00:20:07.060
  • YOU WHEN YOU FACE CONFLICT OR YOU
  • 00:20:07.080 --> 00:20:09.190
  • FACE DIFFERENCES?
  • 00:20:09.210 --> 00:20:12.000
  • OF OPINIONS OR IDEAS?
  • 00:20:12.020 --> 00:20:14.210
  • ANYTHING THAT COULD HELP OTHER COUPLES TONIGHT
  • 00:20:14.230 --> 00:20:16.130
  • THAT HAS WORKED FOR YOU GUYS?
  • 00:20:16.150 --> 00:20:19.000
  • - THERE ARE THINGS THAT HE PASSIONATELY CARES
  • 00:20:19.020 --> 00:20:21.050
  • ABOUT THAT I'M NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT.
  • 00:20:21.070 --> 00:20:23.120
  • THERE'S THINGS THAT I'M VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT
  • 00:20:23.140 --> 00:20:26.080
  • THAT HE'S NOT AS PASSIONATE ABOUT.
  • 00:20:26.100 --> 00:20:29.130
  • AND IF WE'LL JUST KIND OF ADJUST TO THAT AND PICK
  • 00:20:29.150 --> 00:20:31.160
  • YOUR BATTLES, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE RIGHT
  • 00:20:31.180 --> 00:20:34.240
  • ON EVERYTHING.
  • 00:20:34.260 --> 00:20:37.110
  • YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PASSIONATE
  • 00:20:37.130 --> 00:20:38.230
  • ABOUT EVERYTHING.
  • 00:20:38.250 --> 00:20:40.250
  • IF IT'S WHATEVER, JUST LET IT BE WHATEVER.
  • 00:20:40.270 --> 00:20:42.070
  • I THINK WE'VE DONE SO MANY THINGS TOGETHER
  • 00:20:42.090 --> 00:20:45.220
  • THROUGH THIS LAST 31 YEARS, PROJECTS TOGETHER.
  • 00:20:45.240 --> 00:20:49.000
  • WE'VE HAD TO LEARN TO WORK TOGETHER.
  • 00:20:49.020 --> 00:20:51.290
  • IT SEEMED LIKE FROM THE VERY START WHEN WE GOT
  • 00:20:52.010 --> 00:20:55.050
  • MARRIED WE STARTED DOING THINGS TOGETHER.
  • 00:20:55.070 --> 00:20:57.290
  • WE'D BUY OLD HOUSES AND FIX THEM UP.
  • 00:20:58.010 --> 00:21:00.220
  • YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOES.
  • 00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:03.150
  • WE HAD TO COMPROMISE A LOT.
  • 00:21:03.170 --> 00:21:05.040
  • JUST LEARNED TO DO THAT.
  • 00:21:05.060 --> 00:21:06.280
  • I THINK GOD WAS JUST TRAINING US UP FOR WHAT
  • 00:21:07.000 --> 00:21:08.180
  • WE'RE DOING TODAY.
  • 00:21:08.200 --> 00:21:10.030
  • BUT ONE MORE THING I THINK IS REALLY IMPORTANT
  • 00:21:10.050 --> 00:21:11.110
  • AND WE KIND OF TOUCHED ON IT, BUT I HEAR PEOPLE SAY
  • 00:21:11.130 --> 00:21:13.130
  • ALL THE TIME WE'VE JUST GROWN APART.
  • 00:21:13.150 --> 00:21:15.220
  • SOMEBODY GOES TO WORK AND SOMEBODY HAS ANOTHER JOB
  • 00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:18.020
  • OVER HERE AND THEY GET IN THEIR LITTLE WORLDS AND
  • 00:21:18.040 --> 00:21:20.230
  • HAVE THEIR LITTLE FRIENDS.
  • 00:21:20.250 --> 00:21:22.220
  • I THINK IT'S JUST SO IMPORTANT IN A MARRIAGE
  • 00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:25.110
  • THAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS KEEP SOME SORT OF PROJECT
  • 00:21:25.130 --> 00:21:28.160
  • OR SOME TYPE OF HOBBY TOGETHER.
  • 00:21:28.180 --> 00:21:31.130
  • WE RIDE BIKES A LOT BUT WE DO OTHER
  • 00:21:31.150 --> 00:21:33.070
  • THINGS TOGETHER.
  • 00:21:33.090 --> 00:21:34.200
  • WE HAVE HOBBIES AND THINGS, BUT IT'S SO
  • 00:21:34.220 --> 00:21:36.200
  • IMPORTANT TO KEEP THE CONNECTION IN
  • 00:21:36.220 --> 00:21:39.060
  • YOUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:21:39.080 --> 00:21:40.230
  • FIND THINGS THAT YOU LIKE TO DO TOGETHER AND FIND
  • 00:21:40.250 --> 00:21:42.210
  • PROJECTS, WHATEVER IT IS, BUT HAVE THAT THING WHERE
  • 00:21:42.230 --> 00:21:45.280
  • IT KEEPS YOU COMING BACK TOGETHER AND CENTERED AND
  • 00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:48.290
  • SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN REALLY ENJOY.
  • 00:21:49.010 --> 00:21:51.040
  • I THINK THAT'S HELPED US A LOT.
  • 00:21:51.060 --> 00:21:53.020
  • WE ALWAYS JUST GRAVITATE BACK TOGETHER.
  • 00:21:53.040 --> 00:21:56.010
  • - ANY OTHER LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE WE PRAY
  • 00:21:56.030 --> 00:22:00.070
  • OR ANYTHING THAT'S ON YOUR HEART THAT YOU'D
  • 00:22:00.090 --> 00:22:02.130
  • LIKE TO SHARE OR TO ENCOURAGE COUPLES?
  • 00:22:02.150 --> 00:22:04.120
  • - JUST SOME DIFFERENT QUALITIES.
  • 00:22:04.140 --> 00:22:06.200
  • I THINK ONE THING THAT VICTORIA HAS THAT'S A
  • 00:22:06.220 --> 00:22:08.150
  • GREAT QUALITY IS TEN YEARS BEFORE MY FATHER
  • 00:22:08.170 --> 00:22:11.010
  • DIED, SHE WOULD TELL ME AT THE OLD CHURCH, WE'D
  • 00:22:11.030 --> 00:22:13.260
  • SIT ON THE FRONT ROW ON SUNDAY NIGHTS.
  • 00:22:13.280 --> 00:22:16.020
  • SHE WOULD TELL ME, JOEL, ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING TO
  • 00:22:16.040 --> 00:22:17.230
  • PASTOR THE CHURCH.
  • 00:22:17.250 --> 00:22:19.180
  • AND THAT WAS AS FAR OUT AS SAYING ONE DAY I'M
  • 00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:21.150
  • GOING TO GO TO THE MOON.
  • 00:22:21.170 --> 00:22:22.260
  • I NO MORE BELIEVED THAT, BUT SHE SAW THINGS IN ME
  • 00:22:22.280 --> 00:22:26.070
  • THAT I DIDN'T SEE IN MYSELF.
  • 00:22:26.090 --> 00:22:28.070
  • AND SHE VERBALIZED IT.
  • 00:22:28.090 --> 00:22:30.040
  • SHE SPOKE IT OVER ME ALL THOSE YEARS AND REALLY IT
  • 00:22:30.060 --> 00:22:31.290
  • WOULD MAKE ME MAD.
  • 00:22:32.010 --> 00:22:33.220
  • I WOULD SAY VICTORIA, I AM NOT GOING TO PASTOR
  • 00:22:33.240 --> 00:22:35.150
  • THE CHURCH.
  • 00:22:35.170 --> 00:22:36.250
  • I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PREACH.
  • 00:22:36.270 --> 00:22:37.290
  • SHE'D SAY OH, YOU YEAH.
  • 00:22:38.010 --> 00:22:39.110
  • JUST PREACH TO THEM LIKE YOU PREACH TO ME.
  • 00:22:39.130 --> 00:22:40.250
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:22:40.270 --> 00:22:42.270
  • BUT SERIOUSLY, I MEAN THAT.
  • 00:22:42.290 --> 00:22:44.190
  • SHE TOLD ME THAT SO MANY TIMES THAT ONE DAY I WAS
  • 00:22:44.210 --> 00:22:46.260
  • GOING TO PASTOR THE CHURCH THAT WHEN MY
  • 00:22:46.280 --> 00:22:48.210
  • FATHER SUDDENLY DIED I BELIEVE THAT'S ONE REASON
  • 00:22:48.230 --> 00:22:50.190
  • WHY I COULD STEP UP IS BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME THAT.
  • 00:22:50.210 --> 00:22:52.180
  • SO SOMETHING WE SHOULD ALL LEARN IS HE GOT TO
  • 00:22:52.200 --> 00:22:54.270
  • CALL OUT THE SEEDS OF GREATNESS IN THE PEOPLE
  • 00:22:54.290 --> 00:22:58.030
  • THAT GOD HAS PUT IN YOUR LIFE.
  • 00:22:58.050 --> 00:23:00.050
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:23:00.070 --> 00:23:02.080
  • YOU KNOW, MANY TIMES YOU CAN SEE THINGS IN PEOPLE
  • 00:23:02.100 --> 00:23:04.220
  • THEY CAN'T SEE IN THEMSELVES.
  • 00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:06.290
  • I NO MORE SAW THAT IN ME.
  • 00:23:07.010 --> 00:23:09.100
  • I WAS QUIET AND RESERVED, BUT SHE SAW IT.
  • 00:23:09.120 --> 00:23:11.110
  • YOU KNOW, A THOUGHT DOESN'T DO ANYBODY
  • 00:23:11.130 --> 00:23:13.180
  • ANY GOOD.
  • 00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:15.060
  • A BLESSING IS NOT A BLESSING UNTIL
  • 00:23:15.080 --> 00:23:17.010
  • IT'S SPOKEN.
  • 00:23:17.030 --> 00:23:18.290
  • SO YOU OUGHT TO SPEAK BLESSINGS OVER YOUR
  • 00:23:19.010 --> 00:23:20.270
  • SPOUSE AND CHILDREN AND THE PEOPLE GOD HAS PUT IN
  • 00:23:20.290 --> 00:23:22.150
  • YOUR LIFE.
  • 00:23:22.170 --> 00:23:25.210
  • TAG ONTO THAT, EVEN COMPLIMENTS, YOU KNOW,
  • 00:23:25.230 --> 00:23:28.140
  • TELLING SOMEBODY WHAT YOU THINK IN THE GOOD SENSE.
  • 00:23:28.160 --> 00:23:31.180
  • [ LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:33.050
  • LISTEN, I CAN LOOK AT VICTORIA AND THINK SHE
  • 00:23:33.070 --> 00:23:35.010
  • KNOWS SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
  • 00:23:35.030 --> 00:23:37.250
  • SHE'S BEEN BEAUTIFUL HER WHOLE LIFE BUT I TELL HER
  • 00:23:37.270 --> 00:23:39.100
  • ALL THE TIME MAN, VICTORIA YOU ARE
  • 00:23:39.120 --> 00:23:40.140
  • SO BEAUTIFUL.
  • 00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:41.210
  • BUT AGAIN, JUST BLESSING PEOPLE WITH YOUR WORDS
  • 00:23:41.230 --> 00:23:45.010
  • AND CALLING OUT THOSE SEEDS OF GREATNESS.
  • 00:23:45.030 --> 00:23:47.160
  • LISTEN, YOUR SPOUSE, YOUR LOVED ONES THEY GOT
  • 00:23:47.180 --> 00:23:50.030
  • ENOUGH PEOPLE PUSHING THEM DOWN TELLING THEM
  • 00:23:50.050 --> 00:23:51.190
  • WHAT THEY CAN'T BECOME.
  • 00:23:51.210 --> 00:23:53.140
  • WHY DON'T YOU BE THE ONE TO PUSH THEM UP AND TELL
  • 00:23:53.160 --> 00:23:55.100
  • THEM WHAT THEY CAN BECOME?
  • 00:23:55.120 --> 00:23:57.060
  • YOU CAN SEE THINGS IN THEM THEY CAN'T SEE
  • 00:23:57.080 --> 00:23:58.150
  • IN THEMSELVES.
  • 00:23:58.170 --> 00:24:00.140
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:02.220
  • - YOU KNOW, ONE THING I WANT TO SAY IS WHEN
  • 00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:05.020
  • YOU'RE ASKING YOUR SPOUSE TO DO SOMETHING OR
  • 00:24:05.040 --> 00:24:07.110
  • TELLING THEM YOU SHOULD DO THIS, YOU SHOULD DO
  • 00:24:07.130 --> 00:24:09.070
  • THAT, WE SHOULDN'T TELL SOMEONE THEY SHOULD DO IF
  • 00:24:09.090 --> 00:24:11.160
  • WE'RE NOT WILLING TO DO IT OURSELF.
  • 00:24:11.180 --> 00:24:14.090
  • SO WHATEVER THAT IS I JUST THINK IF YOU'RE NOT
  • 00:24:14.110 --> 00:24:19.130
  • WILLING TO DO IT YOURSELF, THEN IT'S JUST
  • 00:24:19.150 --> 00:24:21.180
  • NOT GOING TO BE AS EFFECTIVE BECAUSE I KNOW
  • 00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:23.270
  • IN OUR RELATIONSHIP I NEVER TOLD JOEL TO DO
  • 00:24:23.290 --> 00:24:26.180
  • SOMETHING THAT I WASN'T WILLING TO DO MYSELF,
  • 00:24:26.200 --> 00:24:29.080
  • THAT I WASN'T WILLING TO ROLL MY SLEEVES UP AND
  • 00:24:29.100 --> 00:24:31.140
  • JUST GET IN THERE AND WORK AT IT AS HARD AS I
  • 00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:33.160
  • EXPECTED THEM TO DO.
  • 00:24:33.180 --> 00:24:36.000
  • AND I THINK THAT'S REAL IMPORTANT BECAUSE REALLY
  • 00:24:36.020 --> 00:24:38.110
  • IRON SHARPENS IRON THE BIBLE SAYS AS ONE MAN
  • 00:24:38.130 --> 00:24:40.210
  • SHARPENS ANOTHER.
  • 00:24:40.230 --> 00:24:42.150
  • AND YOU CAN'T JUST SIT THERE AND TELL SOMEBODY
  • 00:24:42.170 --> 00:24:44.030
  • WHAT THEY SHOULD BE DOING AND THEY NEED TO GO DO
  • 00:24:44.050 --> 00:24:45.210
  • THIS AND THAT WITHOUT YOU DOING IT BECAUSE I KNOW
  • 00:24:45.230 --> 00:24:47.150
  • WHEN I PUT MY HAND TO THE PLOW, IT JUST GIVES HIM
  • 00:24:47.170 --> 00:24:49.130
  • MORE STRENGTH AND VICE VERSA.
  • 00:24:49.150 --> 00:24:52.240
  • SO THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE MY ENDING THOUGHT IS
  • 00:24:52.260 --> 00:24:55.090
  • DON'T EXPECT YOUR SPOUSE TO DO ANYTHING OR BE
  • 00:24:55.110 --> 00:24:57.270
  • ANYTHING THAT YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO DO AND
  • 00:24:57.290 --> 00:24:59.170
  • BE YOURSELF.
  • 00:24:59.190 --> 00:25:01.050
  • - THAT'S GOOD, VICTORIA.
  • 00:25:01.070 --> 00:25:02.180
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:04.030
  • I LIKE THIS.
  • 00:25:04.050 --> 00:25:05.220
  • ANOTHER THOUGHT ON THAT IS DON'T PRAY FOR GOD TO
  • 00:25:05.240 --> 00:25:08.030
  • CHANGE SOMEBODY ELSE WITHOUT SAYING GOD,
  • 00:25:08.050 --> 00:25:10.060
  • CHANGE ME.
  • 00:25:10.080 --> 00:25:12.040
  • MAYBE A BETTER WAY IS, YOU KNOW, HOW DO I
  • 00:25:12.060 --> 00:25:15.080
  • SAY IT?
  • 00:25:15.100 --> 00:25:18.190
  • MAYBE SAY, WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE THE
  • 00:25:18.210 --> 00:25:19.250
  • MARRIAGE BETTER?
  • 00:25:19.270 --> 00:25:21.110
  • BECAUSE A LOT OF TIMES IT'S WHAT CAN THEY DO TO
  • 00:25:21.130 --> 00:25:24.060
  • MAKE THE MARRIAGE BETTER.
  • 00:25:24.080 --> 00:25:25.240
  • IF SHE'D DO THIS, THEN I WOULD DO THAT.
  • 00:25:25.260 --> 00:25:27.250
  • NO, WHY DON'T YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN TO MAKE THE
  • 00:25:27.270 --> 00:25:31.220
  • MARRIAGE BETTER?
  • 00:25:31.240 --> 00:25:33.060
  • I NEVER PRAY GOD, CHANGE HER.
  • 00:25:33.080 --> 00:25:34.130
  • GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:25:34.150 --> 00:25:35.220
  • CHANGE US BOTH.
  • 00:25:35.240 --> 00:25:37.070
  • GOD MAKE VICTORIA, BUT GOD, MAKE ME, MOLD ME,
  • 00:25:37.090 --> 00:25:38.210
  • HELP ME BE A BETTER HUSBAND AND FATHER.
  • 00:25:38.230 --> 00:25:40.040
  • AND I REALLY LIKE THAT BECAUSE I THINK WE CAN
  • 00:25:40.060 --> 00:25:41.190
  • ALL SIT BACK AND SAY WHEN THEY DO THIS, WHEN THEY
  • 00:25:41.210 --> 00:25:43.090
  • DO RIGHT, WHEN THEY DO X, Y, Z, BUT THE BIGGER
  • 00:25:43.110 --> 00:25:45.250
  • PERSON IS THE ONE WHO SAYS OKAY, GOD, I'M GOING
  • 00:25:45.270 --> 00:25:48.250
  • TO DO WHAT I CAN TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP BETTER.
  • 00:25:48.270 --> 00:25:51.090
  • GOD WILL HONOR THAT.
  • 00:25:51.110 --> 00:25:53.100
  • I THINK IT GOES BACK TO PART OF THAT IS TREATING
  • 00:25:53.120 --> 00:25:56.110
  • YOUR SPOUSE THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO BE, MAYBE
  • 00:25:56.130 --> 00:26:00.050
  • NOT THE WAY THEY ARE RIGHT NOW, TREATING THEM
  • 00:26:00.070 --> 00:26:02.140
  • WITH HONOR AND RESPECT.
  • 00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:04.250
  • I SAY THIS IN THE RIGHT SENSE IS MAYBE THEY DON'T
  • 00:26:04.270 --> 00:26:07.060
  • DESERVE IT IN SOME AREAS, BUT I BELIEVE YOU'RE
  • 00:26:07.080 --> 00:26:09.250
  • SOWING A SEED THAT THEY WILL RISE TO YOUR LEVEL
  • 00:26:09.270 --> 00:26:12.090
  • OF HOW YOU'RE TREATING THEM.
  • 00:26:12.110 --> 00:26:14.230
  • SO THAT'S MY 2 CENTS, Y'ALL.
  • 00:26:14.250 --> 00:26:17.010
  • THANK Y'ALL.
  • 00:26:17.030 --> 00:26:18.230
  • - CAN WE SHOW SHOULD LOVE TO PASTORS JOEL AND
  • 00:26:18.250 --> 00:26:20.100
  • VICTORIA OSTEEN?
  • 00:26:20.120 --> 00:26:21.200
  • AWESOME.
  • 00:26:21.220 --> 00:26:23.030
  • [ APPLAUSE ]
  • 00:26:23.050 --> 00:26:25.010
  • [ MUSIC ]
  • 00:26:25.030 --> 00:26:27.040
  • - WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS CONFERENCE AND THE NAME
  • 00:26:27.060 --> 00:26:29.230
  • BEING SPARK IS IT'S A TIME FOR US TO COME BACK
  • 00:26:29.250 --> 00:26:33.150
  • TOGETHER AND RE IGNITE AND SHARPEN EACH OTHER AND
  • 00:26:33.170 --> 00:26:36.040
  • GET STRONGER AS A UNIT.
  • 00:26:36.060 --> 00:26:39.210
  • - TO HAVE A SPARK, YOU HAVE TO HAVE FRICTION,
  • 00:26:39.230 --> 00:26:42.050
  • AND SOMETIMES IT DOES TAKE BAD SITUATIONS OR
  • 00:26:42.070 --> 00:26:47.180
  • MAYBE A TRYING TIME IN YOUR MARRIAGE TO
  • 00:26:47.200 --> 00:26:51.250
  • RE IGNITE, AND WE DON'T REALLY LIKE THAT
  • 00:26:51.270 --> 00:26:55.290
  • UNFORTUNATELY , BUT SOMETIMES GOD USES THOSE
  • 00:26:56.010 --> 00:26:59.130
  • SITUATIONS WE GO THROUGH TO JUST BRING US BACK
  • 00:26:59.150 --> 00:27:02.110
  • TOGETHER AND MAKE US STRONGER THAN WE'VE
  • 00:27:02.130 --> 00:27:03.270
  • EVER BEEN.
  • 00:27:03.290 --> 00:27:05.150
  • - SO WE NAMED IT SPARK JUST TO SAY IF THERE WAS
  • 00:27:05.170 --> 00:27:08.020
  • ONE LITTLE THING THAT SOMEONE COULD TAKE OUT OF
  • 00:27:08.040 --> 00:27:10.020
  • THIS CONFERENCE AND BEGIN TO APPLY IT TO THEIR
  • 00:27:10.040 --> 00:27:13.210
  • LIVES AND TO THEIR MARRIAGE, WE'VE SEEN IT
  • 00:27:13.230 --> 00:27:16.030
  • WORK FOR US.
  • 00:27:16.050 --> 00:27:17.270
  • - SPARK IS THE PLACE WHERE YOU GET THE BEST OF
  • 00:27:17.290 --> 00:27:20.090
  • ALL WORLDS SO YOU'VE PEOPLE WHO ARE LEARNING,
  • 00:27:20.110 --> 00:27:22.260
  • PEOPLE WHO ARE FIGURING IT OUT, PEOPLE WHO ARE
  • 00:27:22.280 --> 00:27:25.030
  • FIRMLY ESTABLISHED.
  • 00:27:25.050 --> 00:27:27.130
  • YOU'VE GOT TIME TESTED PROVEN PRINCIPLES,
  • 00:27:27.150 --> 00:27:29.090
  • PRACTICAL APPLICATION, AND SPIRITUAL REVELATION.
  • 00:27:29.110 --> 00:27:31.180
  • THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED IN A TIME OF GREAT HOSTILITY
  • 00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:36.200
  • TOWARDS TENETS OF OUR FAITH, THE PRINCIPLES OF
  • 00:27:36.220 --> 00:27:41.060
  • MARRIAGE BASED ON THE BIBLICAL NARRATIVE, WE
  • 00:27:41.080 --> 00:27:44.080
  • NEED SOMETHING THAT CELEBRATES, HONORS AND
  • 00:27:44.100 --> 00:27:46.230
  • SPEAKS LIFE TO THE BIBLICAL REPRESENTATION
  • 00:27:46.250 --> 00:27:48.130
  • OF MARRIAGE, AND SPARK IS NECESSARY FOR THAT.
  • 00:27:48.150 --> 00:27:51.000
  • - WHEN WE HAVE CONFLICTS, WHEN WE GET
  • 00:27:51.020 --> 00:27:53.020
  • CONFUSED IT KIND OF BURNS THAT UP.
  • 00:27:53.040 --> 00:27:55.270
  • - YEAH.
  • 00:27:55.290 --> 00:27:57.230
  • - BUT THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.
  • 00:27:57.250 --> 00:27:59.250
  • - YEAH, THAT'S WHY WE LOVE THE NAME SPARK.
  • 00:27:59.270 --> 00:28:01.150
  • IT'S FANTASTIC.
  • 00:28:01.170 --> 00:28:03.010
  • - YOU KNOW, WE HAVE ONE OF THOSE STORIES.
  • 00:28:03.030 --> 00:28:05.040
  • WE MET AS KIDS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
  • 00:28:05.060 --> 00:28:06.030
  • WE DATED ALL THROUGH HIGH
  • 00:28:06.050 --> 00:28:07.090
  • SCHOOL, THEN ALL THROUGH COLLEGE, GOT MARRIED
  • 00:28:07.110 --> 00:28:08.210
  • AFTER SCHOOL, WENT TO GRADUATE SCHOOL TOGETHER.
  • 00:28:08.230 --> 00:28:11.180
  • - RIGHT. SO WE'VE BEEN MARRIED 33 YEARS,
  • 00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:14.100
  • BUT WE'VE BEEN IN LOVE FOR 40 YEARS, SO IT SOUNDS LIKE
  • 00:28:14.120 --> 00:28:19.100
  • OH, MY WORD, WHAT HAPPENED!
  • 00:28:19.120 --> 00:28:21.120
  • - THAT DOESN'T SEEM POSSIBLE.
  • 00:28:21.140 --> 00:28:22.220
  • THAT'S TRUE, ISN'T IT?
  • 00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:24.000
  • - YEAH. AND WHAT'S SO FUN ABOUT OUR WORK IS
  • 00:28:24.020 --> 00:28:27.180
  • WE'RE PILGRIMS. WE ARE A MARRIED COUPLE.
  • 00:28:27.200 --> 00:28:30.050
  • WE'RE NOT JUST PROFESSIONALS.
  • 00:28:30.070 --> 00:28:32.020
  • YOU'RE A PSYCHOLOGIST, I'M A THERAPIST,
  • 00:28:32.040 --> 00:28:33.240
  • BUT WE'RE PILGRIMS.
  • 00:28:33.260 --> 00:28:36.230
  • - NOT PROCLAIMERS.
  • 00:28:36.250 --> 00:28:38.010
  • EVERYBODY SAYS "YOU MUST HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE,
  • 00:28:38.030 --> 00:28:39.190
  • TWO PSYCHOLOGISTS MARRIED TOGETHER", AND WE HAVE
  • 00:28:39.210 --> 00:28:41.240
  • ALL THE SAME PROBLEMS EVERYBODY ELSE DOES, IT'S
  • 00:28:41.260 --> 00:28:43.200
  • JUST THAT WE STAND UP ON A PLATFORM AND TALK ABOUT
  • 00:28:43.220 --> 00:28:45.180
  • THOSE PROBLEMS AND HOW WE LEARNED TO COPE WITH
  • 00:28:45.200 --> 00:28:47.190
  • THEM, AND HOPEFULLY THAT WILL HELP YOU TOO.
  • 00:28:47.210 --> 00:28:50.070
  • SO HERE'S ONE REVOLUTIONARY THING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:28:50.090 --> 00:28:54.140
  • THE MORE YOU UNDERSTAND HOW UNIQUE SHE IS AND
  • 00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:57.290
  • I AM IN THIS RELATIONSHIP AND VICE VERSA, THE MORE
  • 00:28:58.010 --> 00:29:02.120
  • EMPATHY WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER, BECAUSE WE ARE
  • 00:29:02.140 --> 00:29:04.170
  • UNIQUE. IT DOESN'T MATTER-- WE HAVE THIS SAYING THAT
  • 00:29:04.190 --> 00:29:06.290
  • EVERYBODY LIKES TO QUOTE THAT "OPPOSITES ATTRACT".
  • 00:29:07.010 --> 00:29:09.170
  • THAT IS NOT TRUE.
  • 00:29:09.190 --> 00:29:11.130
  • OPPOSITES, WE LIKE TO SAY OPPOSITES ATTRACT AND
  • 00:29:11.150 --> 00:29:13.280
  • THEN THEY ATTACK BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
  • 00:29:14.000 --> 00:29:16.280
  • DIFFERENCES. IT DOESN'T MATTER.
  • 00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:18.200
  • - AND EVEN WHEN YOU'RE REALLY SIMILAR IN VALUES
  • 00:29:18.220 --> 00:29:22.040
  • AND ENERGY LEVEL AND THINGS, IT STARTS TO FEEL
  • 00:29:22.060 --> 00:29:24.280
  • LIKE YOU'RE REALLY OPPOSITE BECAUSE YOU'RE
  • 00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:26.140
  • IN MARRIAGE AND YOU COMPARE EACH OTHER
  • 00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:28.080
  • WITH YOUR DIFFERENCES.
  • 00:29:28.100 --> 00:29:29.080
  • - SO HERE'S THE DEAL.
  • 00:29:29.100 --> 00:29:30.160
  • ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS A COUPLE CAN EVER
  • 00:29:30.180 --> 00:29:31.240
  • DO IS TAKE A PERSONALITY ASSESSMENT TOGETHER; AND
  • 00:29:31.260 --> 00:29:35.150
  • IN FACT, WE BELIEVE IN THIS SO HEARTILY, ONCE WE
  • 00:29:35.170 --> 00:29:38.170
  • WERE WITH E-HARMONY FOR THE FIRST TEN YEARS
  • 00:29:38.190 --> 00:29:40.150
  • BUILDING THAT APPARATUS AND MATCHING MECHANISM
  • 00:29:40.170 --> 00:29:43.050
  • WITH AN INCREDIBLE TEAM.
  • 00:29:43.070 --> 00:29:44.240
  • WE'VE DONE THE SAME THING FOR COUPLES THAT ARE
  • 00:29:44.260 --> 00:29:46.140
  • ALREADY MARRIED IN THIS ASSESSMENT WE CALL
  • 00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:49.080
  • DEEP LOVE, AND WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT TONIGHT
  • 00:29:49.100 --> 00:29:51.210
  • BECAUSE THIS TOOL WILL HELP YOU SEE HOW GOD
  • 00:29:51.230 --> 00:29:54.070
  • CREATED YOU IN A UNIQUE WAY AND ME IN A UNIQUE
  • 00:29:54.090 --> 00:29:56.290
  • WAY, AND WHEN WE DO THAT, WE STEP INTO EACH OTHER'S
  • 00:29:57.010 --> 00:29:59.240
  • SHOES AND ACCURATELY SEE THE WORLD FROM EACH OTHER'S
  • 00:29:59.260 --> 00:30:01.240
  • PERSPECTIVE, AND NOTHING IS MORE REVOLUTIONARY
  • 00:30:01.260 --> 00:30:03.270
  • IN LOVE THAN EMPATHY.
  • 00:30:03.290 --> 00:30:05.210
  • - SO INSIGHT IS HUGE BECAUSE IT JUST OPENS A
  • 00:30:05.230 --> 00:30:10.160
  • NEW WINDOW OF GRACE, AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
  • 00:30:10.180 --> 00:30:12.220
  • YOU LEARN TOGETHER.
  • 00:30:12.240 --> 00:30:14.140
  • - WE PSYCHOLOGISTS OFTEN SAY AWARENESS IS CURATIVE.
  • 00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:16.280
  • ONCE YOU BECOME AWARE OF SOMETHING THEN YOU CAN
  • 00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:18.170
  • DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
  • 00:30:18.190 --> 00:30:19.250
  • SO ATTENDING AN EVENT OR WATCHING AN EVENT LIKE
  • 00:30:19.270 --> 00:30:22.090
  • THIS TOGETHER IS REALLY LIKE HOLDING UP THE
  • 00:30:22.110 --> 00:30:24.100
  • MIRROR TO OUR MARRIAGE AND GOING "OH, I NEVER
  • 00:30:24.120 --> 00:30:26.180
  • RECOGNIZED THAT BEFORE.
  • 00:30:26.200 --> 00:30:28.100
  • LET'S DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT."
  • 00:30:28.120 --> 00:30:29.260
  • AND IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A GUILT TRIP.
  • 00:30:29.280 --> 00:30:31.060
  • THIS IS SOMETHING THAT'S POSITIVE.
  • 00:30:31.080 --> 00:30:32.200
  • IT'S TAKING YOU TO A HIGHER LEVEL, MORE
  • 00:30:32.220 --> 00:30:34.170
  • INTIMACY, LESS CONFLICT, LESS NAGGING, MORE
  • 00:30:34.190 --> 00:30:37.210
  • CONNECTION. WHO DOESN'T WANT THAT?
  • 00:30:37.230 --> 00:30:39.220
  • - RIGHT, THE FEAR IS OH, BOY IT'S ALL GONNA EITHER
  • 00:30:39.240 --> 00:30:43.060
  • END UP BEING MY FAULT, OR MY SPOUSE ISN'T GONNA BE
  • 00:30:43.080 --> 00:30:46.100
  • LISTENING AND IT'S REALLY ALL FOR THEM.
  • 00:30:46.120 --> 00:30:48.270
  • BUT WHAT HAPPENS IS YOU START TO RELAX, AND YOU
  • 00:30:48.290 --> 00:30:51.160
  • START TO IDENTIFY WITH OH, MY GOODNESS, THIS
  • 00:30:51.180 --> 00:30:54.030
  • ISN'T JUST OUR STORY, THIS IS THE STORY OF
  • 00:30:54.050 --> 00:30:56.120
  • LOVE, THIS IS WHAT MARRIAGE IS, AND THEN IT
  • 00:30:56.140 --> 00:31:00.170
  • JUST REALLY FREES YOU UP TO CHANGE.
  • 00:31:00.190 --> 00:31:03.030
  • - AND THERE'S SO MUCH THAT WE NEED TO
  • 00:31:03.050 --> 00:31:05.260
  • UNDERSTAND ABOUT LOVE AND SO MANY THINGS WE
  • 00:31:05.280 --> 00:31:07.170
  • MISUNDERSTAND ABOUT IT.
  • 00:31:07.190 --> 00:31:09.060
  • - WELL, THERE'S SO MUCH MYSTERY IN LOVE, RIGHT?
  • 00:31:09.080 --> 00:31:11.080
  • WE WANT TO UNPACK THAT SO COUPLES CAN RELAX AND LOVE.
  • 00:31:11.100 --> 00:31:14.090
  • - WE'RE GONNA LOOK AT A DEFINITION OF ROMANTIC
  • 00:31:14.110 --> 00:31:17.200
  • LOVE THAT IS THE MOST PRACTICAL DEFINITION
  • 00:31:17.220 --> 00:31:20.060
  • YOU'VE EVER HEARD BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA ZERO IN ON
  • 00:31:20.080 --> 00:31:21.280
  • THREE INGREDIENTS AND THEN TALK ABOUT HOW TO
  • 00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:24.020
  • CULTIVATE THOSE, AND I'M GUARANTEEING IT'S GONNA
  • 00:31:24.040 --> 00:31:26.230
  • CHANGE A COUPLE'S LOVE LIFE IF THEY'LL TUNE INTO THIS.
  • 00:31:26.250 --> 00:31:30.070
  • - ANNOUNCER: AND NOW, RELATIONSHIP EXPERTS
  • 00:31:30.090 --> 00:31:33.020
  • DOCTORS LES AND LESLIE PARROTT.
  • 00:31:33.040 --> 00:31:36.130
  • [APPLAUSE] - THANK YOU GUYS.
  • 00:31:36.150 --> 00:31:39.040
  • THANK YOU SO MUCH!
  • 00:31:39.060 --> 00:31:41.080
  • HEY, HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO IMPROVE
  • 00:31:41.100 --> 00:31:43.090
  • YOUR LOVE LIFE, RAISE YOUR HANDS.
  • 00:31:43.110 --> 00:31:46.170
  • KEEP YOUR HANDS UP.
  • 00:31:46.190 --> 00:31:48.020
  • I WANT YOU TO LOOK AROUND THE ROOM.
  • 00:31:48.040 --> 00:31:50.030
  • YOU SEE THE PEOPLE THAT DON'T HAVE THEIR HANDS UP?
  • 00:31:50.050 --> 00:31:52.190
  • WHAT DO WE CALL THOSE COUPLES?
  • 00:31:52.210 --> 00:31:54.060
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:31:54.080 --> 00:31:56.060
  • LIARS, THAT'S RIGHT.
  • 00:31:56.080 --> 00:31:57.170
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:31:57.190 --> 00:31:59.160
  • AND THEY'RE IN CHURCH.
  • 00:31:59.180 --> 00:32:00.270
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:32:00.290 --> 00:32:02.240
  • LESLIE AND I HAVE THE EXACT SAME NAME WHICH IS
  • 00:32:02.260 --> 00:32:04.230
  • A LITTLE CONFUSING.
  • 00:32:04.250 --> 00:32:06.060
  • I'M LESLIE AND SHE'S LESLIE, AND IT'S JUST THE
  • 00:32:06.080 --> 00:32:08.170
  • WAY GOD PLANNED IT FOR US.
  • 00:32:08.190 --> 00:32:10.120
  • TO MAKE IT EVEN A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPLEX,
  • 00:32:10.140 --> 00:32:12.280
  • I'M THE THIRD.
  • 00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:14.130
  • THAT MEANS MY DAD'S NAME IS LESLIE,
  • 00:32:14.150 --> 00:32:18.040
  • MY GRANDFATHER'S NAME IS LESLIE, I'M LESLIE,
  • 00:32:18.060 --> 00:32:21.110
  • AND I MARRIED A LESLIE.
  • 00:32:21.130 --> 00:32:23.030
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:32:23.050 --> 00:32:25.040
  • SO WHEN WE HAD OUR FIRST SON-- [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:32:25.060 --> 00:32:30.270
  • WE NAMED HIM JOHN.
  • 00:32:30.290 --> 00:32:32.070
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:32:32.090 --> 00:32:35.110
  • JOHN LESLIE.
  • 00:32:35.130 --> 00:32:36.220
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:40.130
  • FIFTEEN YEARS AGO AT YALE UNIVERSITY, A RESEARCHER
  • 00:32:40.150 --> 00:32:43.100
  • BY THE NAME OF ROBERT STERNBERG CAME ALONG AND
  • 00:32:43.120 --> 00:32:45.200
  • DID THIS MASSIVE STUDY, BIG LONGITUDINAL STUDY ON
  • 00:32:45.220 --> 00:32:49.050
  • ROMANTIC LOVE, AND OUT OF THAT CAME A DEFINITION OF
  • 00:32:49.070 --> 00:32:53.080
  • ROMANTIC LOVE THAT I WANT TO GIVE YOU BECAUSE
  • 00:32:53.100 --> 00:32:54.230
  • I THINK IT'S ONE OF THE MOST PRACTICAL
  • 00:32:54.250 --> 00:32:56.160
  • DEFINITIONS OF ROMANTIC LOVE THAT YOU WILL EVER
  • 00:32:56.180 --> 00:32:58.280
  • FIND. HE CALLS IT THE TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE.
  • 00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:03.190
  • DOESN'T THAT BLESS YOU?
  • 00:33:03.210 --> 00:33:05.090
  • I KNOW HALF OF YOU JUST FELL ASLEEP RIGHT THERE,
  • 00:33:05.110 --> 00:33:07.040
  • RIGHT? THE TRIANGULAR, BUT IT REALLY IS PRACTICAL.
  • 00:33:07.060 --> 00:33:10.010
  • HE SAID AFTER ALL THIS RESEARCH HE CAN BASICALLY
  • 00:33:10.030 --> 00:33:11.280
  • BOIL LOVE DOWN TO THREE INGREDIENTS.
  • 00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:14.080
  • PASSION. AND PASSION, HE SAID, IS REALLY THE
  • 00:33:14.100 --> 00:33:17.270
  • BIOLOGICAL SIDE OF LOVE.
  • 00:33:17.290 --> 00:33:20.000
  • THERE'S NOTHING PARTICULARLY NOBLE ABOUT
  • 00:33:20.020 --> 00:33:21.160
  • PASSION BECAUSE IT JUST KICKS IN.
  • 00:33:21.180 --> 00:33:24.090
  • IT'S WHAT GOT THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER IN THE FIRST
  • 00:33:24.110 --> 00:33:26.140
  • PLACE AND THERE'S A LITTLE CHEMISTRY THERE.
  • 00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:28.030
  • PASSION. SOMEBODY SAID THAT PASSION, THOUGH A BAD
  • 00:33:28.050 --> 00:33:30.210
  • REGULATOR, IS A GOOD SPRING.
  • 00:33:30.230 --> 00:33:34.080
  • PASSION IS GOOD AT GETTING LOVE GOING,
  • 00:33:34.100 --> 00:33:36.000
  • NOT SO GOOD AT KEEPING LOVE GOING.
  • 00:33:36.020 --> 00:33:39.010
  • SOME TIME AGO I DID A LECTURE SERIES AT PERDUE
  • 00:33:39.030 --> 00:33:41.090
  • UNIVERSITY IN INDIANA, AND AT THE END OF MY
  • 00:33:41.110 --> 00:33:44.030
  • REMARKS THEY SAID WE WANT TO GIVE YOU A TOUR
  • 00:33:44.050 --> 00:33:46.120
  • THROUGH OUR NEW RESEARCH FACILITIES, THIS MARRIAGE
  • 00:33:46.140 --> 00:33:48.230
  • AND FAMILY PROGRAM, ONE OF THE BEST IN THE COUNTRY.
  • 00:33:48.250 --> 00:33:50.280
  • SO WE DID THAT, AND AT THE END OF IT I SAID
  • 00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:52.280
  • IT'S SPECTACULAR, TELL ME ABOUT SOME OF THE
  • 00:33:53.000 --> 00:33:54.250
  • RESEARCH THAT'S GOING ON.
  • 00:33:54.270 --> 00:33:56.080
  • AND THEY SAID WELL WE'RE JUST CONCLUDING A PRETTY
  • 00:33:56.100 --> 00:33:58.160
  • SIGNIFICANT STUDY ON PASSION IN MARRIAGE.
  • 00:33:58.180 --> 00:34:01.250
  • I SAID WELL WHAT SURPRISED YOU?
  • 00:34:01.270 --> 00:34:03.240
  • BECAUSE THAT'S ALWAYS THE MOST INTERESTING THING
  • 00:34:03.260 --> 00:34:05.150
  • ABOUT RESEARCH. WHAT SURPRISED YOU?
  • 00:34:05.170 --> 00:34:07.060
  • THEY SAID WELL WE KNEW THERE WOULD BE A GENDER
  • 00:34:07.080 --> 00:34:09.020
  • DIFFERENCE, WE JUST DIDN'T KNOW HOW SPECIFIC
  • 00:34:09.040 --> 00:34:10.260
  • IT WOULD BE. I SAID WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
  • 00:34:10.280 --> 00:34:12.240
  • HE SAID WELL, THEY DISCOVERED THAT MARRIED
  • 00:34:12.260 --> 00:34:16.050
  • MEN, THIS IS SO FASCINATING, MARRIED MEN
  • 00:34:16.070 --> 00:34:18.270
  • PREFER TO HAVE SEX ON DAYS OF THE WEEK THAT
  • 00:34:18.290 --> 00:34:21.270
  • BEGIN WITH THE LETTER "T".
  • 00:34:21.290 --> 00:34:24.040
  • ISN'T THAT STRANGE?
  • 00:34:24.060 --> 00:34:26.010
  • TUESDAY AND THURSDAY SEEMS TO TOP THE LIST.
  • 00:34:26.030 --> 00:34:29.210
  • AS WELL AS "THATURDAY" AND "THUNDAY".
  • 00:34:29.230 --> 00:34:32.060
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:34:32.080 --> 00:34:42.210
  • TODAY, TOMORROW, THANKSGIVING,
  • 00:34:42.230 --> 00:34:44.050
  • YOU KNOW JUST THE T'S.
  • 00:34:44.070 --> 00:34:46.070
  • [LAUGHTER] VERY SPECIFIC.
  • 00:34:46.090 --> 00:34:48.230
  • WE DON'T NEED A RESEARCH STUDY TO TELL US THAT
  • 00:34:48.250 --> 00:34:54.030
  • THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PASSION BETWEEN
  • 00:34:54.050 --> 00:34:57.060
  • THE GENDERS, RIGHT? THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF--
  • 00:34:57.080 --> 00:34:59.080
  • LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION IF YOU'RE MARRIED.
  • 00:34:59.100 --> 00:35:00.260
  • HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE PASSION OUT OF TEN OUT OF
  • 00:35:00.280 --> 00:35:03.090
  • TEN EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK, EVERY WEEK OUT OF
  • 00:35:03.110 --> 00:35:04.280
  • THE YEAR, ALL YOUR MARRIED LIFE?
  • 00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:06.270
  • CAN I GET A WITNESS? RIGHT?
  • 00:35:06.290 --> 00:35:08.290
  • WE WERE NEVER DESIGNED TO HAVE PASSION AT THAT
  • 00:35:09.010 --> 00:35:10.260
  • LEVEL ALL THE TIME.
  • 00:35:10.280 --> 00:35:13.040
  • YET I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I'VE HAD
  • 00:35:13.060 --> 00:35:14.140
  • SOMEBODY COME INTO OUR COUNSELING OFFICE AND SAY
  • 00:35:14.160 --> 00:35:16.240
  • HEY, HEY DOC, WE'VE LOST THAT LOVING FEELING.
  • 00:35:16.260 --> 00:35:19.170
  • WHAT THEY MEAN IS WE DON'T HAVE PASSION
  • 00:35:19.190 --> 00:35:21.150
  • AT A TEN OUT OF TEN.
  • 00:35:21.170 --> 00:35:23.000
  • STERNBERG IN HIS RESEARCH SAID HEY, THAT'S OKAY,
  • 00:35:23.020 --> 00:35:24.250
  • IT'S JUST A THIRD OF WHAT LOVE IS,
  • 00:35:24.270 --> 00:35:28.000
  • BUT THERE'S OTHER INGREDIENTS.
  • 00:35:28.020 --> 00:35:29.260
  • - THAT'S RIGHT. SO PASSION IS THE BIOLOGICAL SIDE OF LOVE.
  • 00:35:29.280 --> 00:35:33.050
  • ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT TRIANGLE, YOU CAN WRITE
  • 00:35:33.070 --> 00:35:35.020
  • ANOTHER WORD, AND THAT WORD IS INTIMACY.
  • 00:35:35.040 --> 00:35:38.030
  • INTIMACY. AND THIS IS THE EMOTIONAL SIDE OF LOVE.
  • 00:35:38.050 --> 00:35:41.070
  • THIS IS THAT PART OF LOVE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL
  • 00:35:41.090 --> 00:35:43.170
  • COMPLETELY AT HOME WITH THAT PERSON.
  • 00:35:43.190 --> 00:35:45.150
  • LIKE, I FEEL MORE MYSELF WITH YOU THAN
  • 00:35:45.170 --> 00:35:47.210
  • ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD.
  • 00:35:47.230 --> 00:35:49.040
  • IN FACT, YOU CAN OFTEN GET THAT FEELING NOT JUST
  • 00:35:49.060 --> 00:35:52.140
  • WHEN YOU'RE ALONE TOGETHER BUT WHEN
  • 00:35:52.160 --> 00:35:54.010
  • YOU'RE TOGETHER IN A SOCIAL SETTING.
  • 00:35:54.030 --> 00:35:56.120
  • EVER HAVE THIS EXPERIENCE WITH YOUR SPOUSE, YOU GO
  • 00:35:56.140 --> 00:35:58.220
  • TO A PARTY OR SOMETHING AND EVERYONE'S INTERACTING,
  • 00:35:58.240 --> 00:36:02.040
  • SOMETHING HAPPENS AND YOU DIE LAUGHING.
  • 00:36:02.060 --> 00:36:04.240
  • IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
  • 00:36:04.260 --> 00:36:06.250
  • AND YOU LOOK OVER AND YOUR SPOUSE FOUND IT
  • 00:36:06.270 --> 00:36:08.190
  • FUNNY, THEN YOU LOOK AROUND THE ROOM AND
  • 00:36:08.210 --> 00:36:10.070
  • NOBODY ELSE AT THE WHOLE PARTY LAUGHED. RIGHT?
  • 00:36:10.090 --> 00:36:12.190
  • THAT'S THE BEST MOMENT EVER BECAUSE YOU GO YOU
  • 00:36:12.210 --> 00:36:15.150
  • GET ME, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE, WHAT WOULD I EVER
  • 00:36:15.170 --> 00:36:18.050
  • DO WITHOUT YOU, I COULDN'T MAKE IT THROUGH LIFE.
  • 00:36:18.070 --> 00:36:20.120
  • AND IT'S ALSO THAT DEEP BONDING THAT HAPPENS AS
  • 00:36:20.140 --> 00:36:23.290
  • YOU SHARE LIFE TOGETHER, AND IT'S YOUR STORY
  • 00:36:24.010 --> 00:36:26.270
  • NO ONE ELSE KNOWS.
  • 00:36:26.290 --> 00:36:28.170
  • THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SHARE LIFE.
  • 00:36:28.190 --> 00:36:30.180
  • - RIGHT. WE SHARE THAT NARRATIVE, THAT STORY.
  • 00:36:30.200 --> 00:36:33.060
  • YOU GET ME, I GET YOU LIKE NOBODY ELSE ON THE
  • 00:36:33.080 --> 00:36:35.260
  • PLANET. WE'RE READING OFF THE SAME SHEET OF MUSIC.
  • 00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:39.000
  • WE'RE IN STEP. WE'RE IN SYNC. THAT'S INTIMACY.
  • 00:36:39.020 --> 00:36:42.170
  • BUT LET ME ASK THE QUESTION AGAIN IF YOU'RE MARRIED.
  • 00:36:42.190 --> 00:36:44.070
  • HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE INTIMACY AT A TEN OUT OF
  • 00:36:44.090 --> 00:36:46.150
  • TEN EVERY DAY OUT OF THE WEEK, EVERY WEEK OUT OF
  • 00:36:46.170 --> 00:36:48.090
  • THE YEAR, ALL YOUR MARRIED LIFE LONG?
  • 00:36:48.110 --> 00:36:51.060
  • AGAIN, NOT IF YOU'RE LIKE MOST PEOPLE, RIGHT?
  • 00:36:51.080 --> 00:36:53.260
  • LESLIE AND I HAVE, WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.
  • 00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:55.280
  • WE HAVE SIMILAR HERITAGE AND VALUES AND DREAMS AND
  • 00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:59.040
  • SAME NAME. I MEAN WE'VE GOT A LOT IN COMMON.
  • 00:36:59.060 --> 00:37:02.140
  • AND THERE'S TIMES I WONDER DOES SHE EVEN KNOW ME?
  • 00:37:02.160 --> 00:37:05.140
  • HOW COULD YOU HAVE THOUGHT THAT?
  • 00:37:05.160 --> 00:37:06.220
  • HOW COULD YOU HAVE SAID THIS, RIGHT?
  • 00:37:06.240 --> 00:37:08.250
  • ONCE AGAIN, STERNBERG SAID HEY, IT'S JUST A
  • 00:37:08.270 --> 00:37:11.030
  • THIRD OF WHAT LOVE IS. IT'S NOT ALL OF LOVE.
  • 00:37:11.050 --> 00:37:15.020
  • ON THE BASE OF THIS TRIANGLE, COMMITMENT.
  • 00:37:15.040 --> 00:37:18.030
  • COMMITMENT. PASSION, INTIMACY AND COMMITMENT.
  • 00:37:18.050 --> 00:37:22.030
  • THESE ARE THE THREE INGREDIENTS.
  • 00:37:22.050 --> 00:37:23.180
  • YOU CAN KIND OF THINK OF THEM AS THE HOT, WARM AND
  • 00:37:23.200 --> 00:37:25.200
  • COLD INGREDIENTS OF ROMANTIC LOVE.
  • 00:37:25.220 --> 00:37:29.100
  • PASSION IS THE BIOLOGICAL SIDE OF LOVE.
  • 00:37:29.120 --> 00:37:31.260
  • INTIMACY, IT'S THE EMOTIONAL SIDE OF LOVE.
  • 00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:34.090
  • AND THEN COMMITMENT, WELL THAT'S THE WILLFUL SIDE
  • 00:37:34.110 --> 00:37:37.120
  • OF LOVE. THAT'S THE PART OF LOVE THAT TRULY
  • 00:37:37.140 --> 00:37:39.050
  • IS A DECISION, RIGHT?
  • 00:37:39.070 --> 00:37:41.250
  • THIS IS THE PART OF LOVE THAT SAYS IN SPITE OF ALL
  • 00:37:41.270 --> 00:37:44.030
  • THE UNCERTAINTY IN MY LIFE, AND IN SPITE OF ALL
  • 00:37:44.050 --> 00:37:46.280
  • THE STUFF I CAN'T SEEM TO PIN DOWN, IN SPITE OF ALL
  • 00:37:47.000 --> 00:37:50.160
  • THE STUFF THAT JUST IS SWIRLING ABOUT ME, I'M
  • 00:37:50.180 --> 00:37:52.160
  • GONNA MAKE ONE THING ROCK SOLID IN MY RELATIONSHIP,
  • 00:37:52.180 --> 00:37:55.120
  • IN MY LIFE AND THAT'S MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
  • 00:37:55.140 --> 00:37:58.290
  • AND WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM?
  • 00:37:59.010 --> 00:38:00.240
  • YOUR HORMONES? YOUR EMOTIONS? NO.
  • 00:38:00.260 --> 00:38:03.250
  • IT COMES FROM YOUR WILL.
  • 00:38:03.270 --> 00:38:05.070
  • THIS IS TRULY THE PART OF LOVE THAT IS A DECISION.
  • 00:38:05.090 --> 00:38:08.060
  • IN FACT, THE BOTTOM LINE OF ALL THIS RESEARCH AT
  • 00:38:08.080 --> 00:38:10.220
  • YALE WAS TO SAY THAT LOVE, ROMANTIC LOVE IS
  • 00:38:10.240 --> 00:38:14.190
  • VERY VERY FLUID. IT'S NOT A STATIC THING
  • 00:38:14.210 --> 00:38:18.130
  • THAT YOU FALL INTO AND YOU FALL OUT OF. IT CHANGES.
  • 00:38:18.150 --> 00:38:21.250
  • THERE'S AN EBB AND FLOW TO ROMANTIC LOVE.
  • 00:38:21.270 --> 00:38:24.070
  • AND THE KIND OF LOVE THAT YOU HAVE TONIGHT IS NOT
  • 00:38:24.090 --> 00:38:26.070
  • THE KIND OF LOVE THAT YOU HAD A FEW MONTHS AGO.
  • 00:38:26.090 --> 00:38:29.010
  • AND IT'S NOT THE KIND OF LOVE YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A
  • 00:38:29.030 --> 00:38:30.100
  • FEW WEEKS FROM NOW BECAUSE LOVE CHANGES.
  • 00:38:30.120 --> 00:38:33.220
  • IN FACT, IF YOU WERE TO LOOK AT LOVE OVER THE
  • 00:38:33.240 --> 00:38:36.110
  • LIFE SPAN, YOU WOULD SEE SOME PRETTY PREDICTABLE
  • 00:38:36.130 --> 00:38:39.200
  • CHANGES. IN FACT, TO ILLUSTRATE THIS, HOW MANY
  • 00:38:39.220 --> 00:38:43.080
  • OF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN ON A WHITE WATER RAFTING TRIP?
  • 00:38:43.100 --> 00:38:45.250
  • ANYBODY IN HERE DONE THAT?
  • 00:38:45.270 --> 00:38:47.040
  • LOTS OF YOU. OKAY.
  • 00:38:47.060 --> 00:38:48.130
  • I DID THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
  • 00:38:48.150 --> 00:38:50.220
  • HAD NEVER DONE THIS AND HAD SOME BUDDIES,
  • 00:38:50.240 --> 00:38:53.080
  • COLLEAGUES AT THE UNIVERSITY, WE ALL WANTED
  • 00:38:53.100 --> 00:38:55.000
  • TO GO WHITE WATER RAFTING.
  • 00:38:55.020 --> 00:38:56.130
  • WE LIVED IN SEATTLE AND THERE'S LOTS OF
  • 00:38:56.150 --> 00:38:58.000
  • OPPORTUNITY TO DO THAT, SO NONE OF US HAD DONE IT.
  • 00:38:58.020 --> 00:39:01.080
  • AND WE HAD BROCHURES WE'RE LOOKING AT TRYING
  • 00:39:01.100 --> 00:39:03.180
  • TO FIND THE RIGHT OUTFITTER, YOU KNOW,
  • 00:39:03.200 --> 00:39:05.060
  • AND LOOKING AT THIS ONE AND "OH, I LIKE THE
  • 00:39:05.080 --> 00:39:07.270
  • COLOR OF THOSE BOATS, THAT'S COOL!"
  • 00:39:07.290 --> 00:39:09.120
  • "MAYBE WE SHOULD DO THIS ONE."
  • 00:39:09.140 --> 00:39:10.250
  • THEN WE'RE LOOKING AT THIS ONE, "I LIKE THAT."
  • 00:39:10.270 --> 00:39:12.060
  • THEN WE DISCOVER THIS ONE COMES WITH
  • 00:39:12.080 --> 00:39:14.090
  • A BARBECUE DINNER. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:39:14.110 --> 00:39:16.270
  • ENOUGH SAID. THAT'S THE ONE WE'RE DOING.
  • 00:39:16.290 --> 00:39:18.160
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:39:18.180 --> 00:39:19.260
  • - LESLIE: SOLD.
  • 00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:21.010
  • - YEAH, SOLD.
  • 00:39:21.030 --> 00:39:22.080
  • SO WE SIGN UP FOR THAT ONE, AND WE'RE LIKE
  • 00:39:22.100 --> 00:39:23.170
  • LITTLE KIDS GETTING READY FOR THIS TRIP.
  • 00:39:23.190 --> 00:39:25.160
  • IT'S A FEW WEEKS OUT, BUT WE'RE HAVING MEETINGS
  • 00:39:25.180 --> 00:39:27.260
  • LIKE ABOUT THE KIND OF CANDY BARS THAT WE'RE
  • 00:39:27.280 --> 00:39:29.280
  • GONNA BRING, I MEAN THAT LEVEL OF EXCITEMENT.
  • 00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:31.290
  • "PUT REESE'S ON THE LIST."
  • 00:39:32.010 --> 00:39:33.120
  • "OH, YEAH THAT'S A GOOD ONE."
  • 00:39:33.140 --> 00:39:35.040
  • IT'S LIKE THAT KIND OF, ALL GROWN MEN
  • 00:39:35.060 --> 00:39:36.150
  • PLANNING THIS TRIP.
  • 00:39:36.170 --> 00:39:37.260
  • AND SO FINALLY THE DAY ROLLS AROUND THE
  • 00:39:37.280 --> 00:39:40.090
  • CALENDAR, WE DRIVE OUT TO EASTERN WASHINGTON, AND
  • 00:39:40.110 --> 00:39:43.050
  • WE MEET THE GUIDE THAT'S GONNA TAKE US DOWN THIS
  • 00:39:43.070 --> 00:39:45.250
  • RIVER. AND WE'RE ALL PUMPED UP AND KIND OF ROWDY,
  • 00:39:45.270 --> 00:39:48.130
  • AND WE'RE LIKE "COME ON, LET'S GO MAN."
  • 00:39:48.150 --> 00:39:50.040
  • WE START TO JUMP INTO THE BOAT, AND HE GOES "WHOA,
  • 00:39:50.060 --> 00:39:52.080
  • WHOA, WHOA, GUYS, BEFORE WE GET IN THE BOAT, A FEW
  • 00:39:52.100 --> 00:39:53.240
  • THING WE'VE GOTTA GO OVER HERE."
  • 00:39:53.260 --> 00:39:55.090
  • I SAID "YEAH, LIKE WHAT?"
  • 00:39:55.110 --> 00:39:57.130
  • HE GOES "OH, WELL A LOT OF STUFF."
  • 00:39:57.150 --> 00:39:59.230
  • HE SAID "FIRST OF ALL", HE SAID "THIS TIME OF
  • 00:39:59.250 --> 00:40:01.260
  • YEAR" HE SAID "IT'S SPRINGTIME.
  • 00:40:01.280 --> 00:40:03.170
  • YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO WEAR THESE WETSUITS."
  • 00:40:03.190 --> 00:40:05.170
  • SO HE GAVE US EACH A WETSUIT.
  • 00:40:05.190 --> 00:40:07.250
  • AND WE DIDN'T EXPECT TO BE WEARING THESE, SO
  • 00:40:07.270 --> 00:40:09.090
  • WE'RE ZIPPING ON THE WETSUITS AND KIND OF
  • 00:40:09.110 --> 00:40:10.230
  • MAKING FUN OF EACH OTHER AND STUFF.
  • 00:40:10.250 --> 00:40:12.080
  • AND THEN HE HANDS EACH ONE OF US A HELMET.
  • 00:40:12.100 --> 00:40:14.200
  • AND WE'RE STARTING TO STRAP THE HELMETS ON,
  • 00:40:14.220 --> 00:40:16.100
  • AND IT SUDDENLY DAWNS ON ALL OF US LIKE HEY,
  • 00:40:16.120 --> 00:40:19.190
  • WHY ARE WE WEARING HELMETS?
  • 00:40:19.210 --> 00:40:21.090
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:40:21.110 --> 00:40:26.190
  • HE SAID "WELL, THIS KIND OF RIVER, IT'S JUST
  • 00:40:26.210 --> 00:40:30.000
  • REQUIRED FOR INSURANCE PURPOSES, YOU HAVE TO
  • 00:40:30.020 --> 00:40:31.200
  • WEAR A HELMET."
  • 00:40:31.220 --> 00:40:32.280
  • WE SAID "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS KIND OF A RIVER?"
  • 00:40:33.000 --> 00:40:36.050
  • HE SAID WELL, THIS IS A STAGE BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
  • 00:40:36.070 --> 00:40:38.090
  • RIVER. AND WE'RE LIKE "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"
  • 00:40:38.110 --> 00:40:39.180
  • THAT WAS THE FIRST WE ALL LEARNED THAT THEY RANK
  • 00:40:39.200 --> 00:40:41.070
  • THE DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THESE RIVERS.
  • 00:40:41.090 --> 00:40:44.090
  • AND THIS ONE HAPPENED TO BE NEAR THE TOP.
  • 00:40:44.110 --> 00:40:46.070
  • IT HAD LIKE PORTIONS OF THE RIVER WERE CALLED
  • 00:40:46.090 --> 00:40:47.270
  • LIKE THE "MEAT GRINDER" AND
  • 00:40:47.290 --> 00:40:49.260
  • [LAUGHTER] YOU KNOW...
  • 00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:51.220
  • "DEAD MAN'S TURN." STUFF LIKE THAT.
  • 00:40:51.240 --> 00:40:53.270
  • AND SO NOW THIS GUY, HE'S GOT OUR ATTENTION, RIGHT?
  • 00:40:53.290 --> 00:40:58.280
  • AND HE'S GOING THROUGH THE REST OF HIS SPIEL,
  • 00:40:59.000 --> 00:41:00.260
  • AND HE SAYS "NOW WHEN YOU FALL OUT OF THE BOAT,"
  • 00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:02.260
  • HE SAID-- [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:41:02.280 --> 00:41:05.210
  • YEAH. HE DIDN'T SAY IF,
  • 00:41:05.230 --> 00:41:07.090
  • HE SAID WHEN YOU FALL OUT OF THE BOAT.
  • 00:41:07.110 --> 00:41:10.060
  • AND HE SAID "THE OTHER THING IS YOU'RE GONNA
  • 00:41:10.080 --> 00:41:11.290
  • NEED A PARTNER, A BUDDY BECAUSE GETTING BACK IN
  • 00:41:12.010 --> 00:41:15.080
  • TO THE BOAT CAN BE A CHALLENGE WITH ALL THE
  • 00:41:15.100 --> 00:41:17.100
  • TURMOIL AND STUFF, SO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A BUDDY."
  • 00:41:17.120 --> 00:41:21.020
  • SO NOW WE'RE MAKING ALLIANCES LIKE
  • 00:41:21.040 --> 00:41:22.100
  • YOU WANT TO BE MY PARTNER?
  • 00:41:22.120 --> 00:41:24.130
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:41:24.150 --> 00:41:26.040
  • AND ALL THIS ANXIETY, YOU KNOW, SO FINALLY
  • 00:41:26.060 --> 00:41:28.240
  • WE GET IN THE BOAT AND NOBODY'S TALKING NOW.
  • 00:41:28.260 --> 00:41:31.220
  • NOBODY'S MESSING AROUND.
  • 00:41:31.240 --> 00:41:33.080
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:41:33.100 --> 00:41:34.230
  • NOBODY'S FEELING ANY ROWDY.
  • 00:41:34.250 --> 00:41:36.100
  • SO ANYWAY, WE TAKE OFF AND IT'S JUST NUTS.
  • 00:41:36.120 --> 00:41:40.070
  • WE'RE GOING THROUGH THE RAPIDS AND ALL THIS,
  • 00:41:40.090 --> 00:41:42.080
  • AND MIDWAY THROUGH THIS I REMEMBER I HAD
  • 00:41:42.100 --> 00:41:43.270
  • THIS BUZZING HEADACHE.
  • 00:41:43.290 --> 00:41:45.200
  • I MEAN, IT WAS JUST NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING AT
  • 00:41:45.220 --> 00:41:47.250
  • ALL, AND YET WE HAD FALLEN OUT OF THE BOAT A
  • 00:41:47.270 --> 00:41:50.090
  • FEW TIMES. AND BY THE WAY, THAT THING ABOUT FIND
  • 00:41:50.110 --> 00:41:52.050
  • YOUR PARTNER, FORGET THAT.
  • 00:41:52.070 --> 00:41:53.160
  • IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.
  • 00:41:53.180 --> 00:41:55.010
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:41:55.030 --> 00:42:00.050
  • I HAD A BUZZING HEADACHE.
  • 00:42:00.070 --> 00:42:01.180
  • MY FACE WAS SUNBURNED YET MY BODY WAS FREEZING
  • 00:42:01.200 --> 00:42:04.040
  • COLD, AND MY MUSCLES ARE ALREADY ACHING SORE FROM
  • 00:42:04.060 --> 00:42:07.210
  • USING MUSCLE I HAVEN'T USED IN YEARS, AND I'M
  • 00:42:07.230 --> 00:42:09.290
  • THINKING HOW CAN I GET OUT OF THIS, YOU KNOW?
  • 00:42:10.010 --> 00:42:14.090
  • LIKE, I WOULD PAY DOUBLE THE MONEY...
  • 00:42:14.110 --> 00:42:16.070
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:42:16.090 --> 00:42:18.030
  • ...TO GET OUT OF THIS THING.
  • 00:42:18.050 --> 00:42:20.120
  • AND YOU CAN'T. THERE'S NO EXIT.
  • 00:42:20.140 --> 00:42:22.130
  • YOU'RE ON A RIVER; YOU CAN'T PULL OFF,
  • 00:42:22.150 --> 00:42:24.010
  • SO YOU CARRY ON.
  • 00:42:24.030 --> 00:42:26.000
  • AND WE FINALLY, WE GOT TO THE CAMP SITE AND TOOK
  • 00:42:26.020 --> 00:42:29.050
  • OFF THOSE WET CLOTHES, ALL THE STUFF, AND
  • 00:42:29.070 --> 00:42:31.200
  • HUDDLED AROUND THE CAMPFIRE, AND SURE ENOUGH
  • 00:42:31.220 --> 00:42:33.250
  • THEY BROUGHT OUT THAT BARBECUE DINNER.
  • 00:42:33.270 --> 00:42:35.140
  • IT WAS FANTASTIC.
  • 00:42:35.160 --> 00:42:36.290
  • AND WE'RE ALL SITTING AROUND THE CAMPFIRE,
  • 00:42:37.010 --> 00:42:38.230
  • AND THEN THEY BROUGHT OUT THREE INGREDIENTS THAT
  • 00:42:38.250 --> 00:42:40.290
  • YOU JUST, MAN, IT'S JUST THE GREATEST THING, RIGHT?
  • 00:42:41.010 --> 00:42:43.120
  • CHOCOLATE BARS, GRAHAM CRACKERS, MARSHMALLOWS
  • 00:42:43.140 --> 00:42:45.210
  • AND WE HAD...
  • 00:42:45.230 --> 00:42:47.020
  • - CONGREGATION: S'MORES.
  • 00:42:47.040 --> 00:42:48.130
  • - AND IS THERE ANYTHING BETTER? RIGHT?
  • 00:42:48.150 --> 00:42:50.150
  • WE COULDN'T MAKE THEM FAST ENOUGH.
  • 00:42:50.170 --> 00:42:51.290
  • I MEAN WE HAD A LITTLE ASSEMBLY LINE GOING,
  • 00:42:52.010 --> 00:42:53.200
  • WE'RE POUNDING THESE THINGS DOWN, AND I THINK
  • 00:42:53.220 --> 00:42:55.190
  • I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO SAY IT AND I SAID "GUYS,
  • 00:42:55.210 --> 00:42:58.080
  • IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS.
  • 00:42:58.100 --> 00:43:00.230
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:43:00.250 --> 00:43:03.020
  • I MEAN WASN'T THIS INCREDIBLE?
  • 00:43:03.040 --> 00:43:04.080
  • THAT WAS SUCH A DAY!
  • 00:43:04.100 --> 00:43:05.180
  • MAN, REMEMBER WHEN I FELL OUT OF THE BOAT AND
  • 00:43:05.200 --> 00:43:06.270
  • YOU GUYS WOULDN'T LET ME BACK IN?
  • 00:43:06.290 --> 00:43:07.290
  • THAT WAS HILARIOUS!"
  • 00:43:08.010 --> 00:43:10.020
  • HERE I WAS LITERALLY ROMANTICIZING THIS TRIP
  • 00:43:10.040 --> 00:43:13.230
  • THAT HOURS EARLIER I WOULD PAY CRAZY AMOUNTS
  • 00:43:13.250 --> 00:43:16.280
  • OF MONEY JUST TO GET OUT OF THE THING BECAUSE IT
  • 00:43:17.000 --> 00:43:18.220
  • WAS SO NERVE-RACKING OR FRUSTRATING.
  • 00:43:18.240 --> 00:43:21.090
  • I DON'T WANT TO STRETCH THE ANALOGY TOO FAR, BUT
  • 00:43:21.110 --> 00:43:24.210
  • MARRIED LIFE IS A LITTLE BIT LIKE THAT WHITE WATER
  • 00:43:24.230 --> 00:43:27.110
  • RAFTING TRIP. WHY?
  • 00:43:27.130 --> 00:43:29.240
  • BECAUSE WE KNOW THIS FROM RESEARCH WHEN YOU BEGIN
  • 00:43:29.260 --> 00:43:31.170
  • TO LOOK AND LOOK AT THIS CHART.
  • 00:43:31.190 --> 00:43:33.030
  • WHEN YOU BEGIN TO LOOK AT ROMANTIC LOVE OVER THE
  • 00:43:33.050 --> 00:43:36.040
  • COURSE OF TIME, SOMETHING PRETTY PREDICTABLE HAPPENS.
  • 00:43:36.060 --> 00:43:40.100
  • NOW YOU ASK A COUPLE, THEY'VE JUST GOTTEN
  • 00:43:40.120 --> 00:43:41.270
  • MARRIED, HOW MANY PEOPLE IN HERE BY THE WAY HAVE
  • 00:43:41.290 --> 00:43:44.110
  • JUST LIKE YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED LESS THAN THREE
  • 00:43:44.130 --> 00:43:46.130
  • MONTHS? JUST STAND UP REAL FAST.
  • 00:43:46.150 --> 00:43:49.080
  • I WANT TO SEE THESE PEOPLE.
  • 00:43:49.100 --> 00:43:50.120
  • LOOK AT THEM.
  • 00:43:50.140 --> 00:43:51.170
  • - LESLIE: LOOK AT THESE CUTE COUPLES.
  • 00:43:51.190 --> 00:43:52.240
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:43:52.260 --> 00:43:54.280
  • - LES: THEY JUST HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON.
  • 00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:57.060
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:43:57.080 --> 00:43:59.240
  • IT'S SO GREAT YOU GUYS ARE HERE.
  • 00:43:59.260 --> 00:44:04.100
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:44:04.120 --> 00:44:08.120
  • YOU ASK A COUPLE LIKE THIS THAT JUST STOOD UP,
  • 00:44:08.140 --> 00:44:10.130
  • ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
  • 00:44:10.150 --> 00:44:12.120
  • WHAT ARE THEY GONNA TELL YOU?
  • 00:44:12.140 --> 00:44:14.090
  • IT'S A TEN!
  • 00:44:14.110 --> 00:44:16.120
  • DOES THE SCALE GO TO ELEVEN BECAUSE
  • 00:44:16.140 --> 00:44:17.180
  • THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
  • 00:44:17.200 --> 00:44:19.080
  • [LAUGHTER] RIGHT?
  • 00:44:19.100 --> 00:44:21.180
  • YOU COME BACK TO A COUPLE THAT'S BEEN MARRIED FOR
  • 00:44:21.200 --> 00:44:24.080
  • LET'S SAY THREE, FOUR, FIVE YEARS, HOW IS YOUR
  • 00:44:24.100 --> 00:44:27.100
  • LOVE LIFE, SCALE OF ONE TO TEN?
  • 00:44:27.120 --> 00:44:28.210
  • WHAT DO THEY TELL YOU?
  • 00:44:28.230 --> 00:44:30.190
  • IT'S TAKEN A LITTLE BIT OF A DIP.
  • 00:44:30.210 --> 00:44:32.060
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:44:32.080 --> 00:44:35.180
  • YOU COME BACK TO THAT COUPLE, YOU COME BACK TO
  • 00:44:35.200 --> 00:44:39.280
  • THEM ANOTHER FOUR OR FIVE YEARS.
  • 00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:42.050
  • A LITTLE BIT MORE OF A DIP. RIGHT?
  • 00:44:42.070 --> 00:44:46.020
  • EIGHTEEN YEARS LATER, RIGHT?
  • 00:44:46.040 --> 00:44:48.270
  • TWENTY YEARS LATER.
  • 00:44:48.290 --> 00:44:50.180
  • ONE OF THE THINGS WE KNOW ABOUT A COUPLE'S LOVE
  • 00:44:50.200 --> 00:44:53.050
  • LIFE IS IT REACHES AN ALL-TIME LOW ABOUT THE
  • 00:44:53.070 --> 00:44:55.250
  • TIME THEY HAVE TEENAGERS IN THEIR HOME.
  • 00:44:55.270 --> 00:44:59.020
  • CAN I GET A WITNESS NOW?
  • 00:44:59.040 --> 00:45:02.140
  • WE ALSO KNOW THE VAST MAJORITY OF BREAKUPS
  • 00:45:02.160 --> 00:45:04.150
  • HAPPEN AT THAT PLACE JUST BEFORE THE EMPTY NEST
  • 00:45:04.170 --> 00:45:07.170
  • AND A FEW YEARS INTO IT BECAUSE THE
  • 00:45:07.190 --> 00:45:09.230
  • STATE OF DISILLUSIONMENT.
  • 00:45:09.250 --> 00:45:11.100
  • - RIGHT. EARLY ON WHEN THAT DIP STARTS.
  • 00:45:11.120 --> 00:45:13.150
  • - THE FIRST SEVEN YEARS.
  • 00:45:13.170 --> 00:45:15.030
  • - BUT THE SECOND BIGGEST PLACE IS AT THE EMPTY NEST.
  • 00:45:15.050 --> 00:45:17.270
  • - AND THAT'S SAD, OBVIOUSLY FOR A LOT OF
  • 00:45:17.290 --> 00:45:19.290
  • REASONS, BUT ONE OF THE THEM IS DO YOU REALIZE
  • 00:45:20.010 --> 00:45:22.180
  • THESE COUPLES ARE MISSING OUT ON THE VERY BEST
  • 00:45:22.200 --> 00:45:24.160
  • PART OF MARRIED LIFE?
  • 00:45:24.180 --> 00:45:26.240
  • BECAUSE HERE'S WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT THE SECOND
  • 00:45:26.260 --> 00:45:27.280
  • HALF OF MARRIAGE.
  • 00:45:28.000 --> 00:45:29.080
  • THE LEVEL OF SATISFACTION, LOOK AT
  • 00:45:29.100 --> 00:45:30.150
  • THIS, BEGINS TO CLIMB.
  • 00:45:30.170 --> 00:45:32.270
  • IN FACT, IT BEGINS TO CLIMB DRAMATICALLY.
  • 00:45:32.290 --> 00:45:35.030
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:45:35.050 --> 00:45:37.140
  • HERE'S SOME REALLY GOOD NEWS, SOCIAL SCIENTISTS
  • 00:45:37.160 --> 00:45:39.150
  • DON'T EVEN HAVE INSTRUMENTS TO MEASURE
  • 00:45:39.170 --> 00:45:41.190
  • HOW HAPPY AND SATISFIED THESE COUPLES ARE.
  • 00:45:41.210 --> 00:45:44.270
  • LITERALLY, IT'S HIGHER THAN IT WAS WHEN THEY
  • 00:45:44.290 --> 00:45:47.180
  • FIRST GOT MARRIED. ISN'T THAT GOOD NEWS?
  • 00:45:47.200 --> 00:45:50.020
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:45:50.040 --> 00:45:55.140
  • THESE COUPLES THAT JUST GOT MARRIED GO
  • 00:45:55.160 --> 00:45:56.220
  • "IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE GOOD NEWS TO ME."
  • 00:45:56.240 --> 00:45:58.200
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:45:58.220 --> 00:46:03.050
  • BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT IF YOU KNOW
  • 00:46:03.070 --> 00:46:05.270
  • HOW TO CULTIVATE THESE THREE INGREDIENTS.
  • 00:46:05.290 --> 00:46:07.170
  • THE QUESTION THEN OF COURSE IS HOW DO YOU DO THIS?
  • 00:46:07.190 --> 00:46:10.140
  • - YEAH, AND THE GOOD NEWS IS IT IS NOT A
  • 00:46:10.160 --> 00:46:12.200
  • DIFFICULT THING TO CULTIVATE THESE
  • 00:46:12.220 --> 00:46:14.220
  • INGREDIENTS THAT ARE SO MASSIVELY IMPORTANT
  • 00:46:14.240 --> 00:46:17.120
  • WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE.
  • 00:46:17.140 --> 00:46:18.180
  • THERE'S A SIMPLE CONVERSATION THE TWO OF
  • 00:46:18.200 --> 00:46:20.150
  • YOU CAN HAVE, SO SIMPLE THAT WILL HAVE A PROFOUND
  • 00:46:20.170 --> 00:46:23.070
  • IMPACT ON HOW MUCH YOU ENJOY THE FULLNESS OF ALL
  • 00:46:23.090 --> 00:46:27.090
  • OF THESE INGREDIENTS ALL THE WAY ALONG THE
  • 00:46:27.110 --> 00:46:29.290
  • JOURNEY, AND IT'S JUST A SIMPLE CONVERSATION
  • 00:46:30.010 --> 00:46:31.290
  • WE CALL HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
  • 00:46:32.010 --> 00:46:33.270
  • ALL IT TAKES IS FOR YOU TO TAKE A MINDFUL MOMENT,
  • 00:46:33.290 --> 00:46:36.230
  • STOP AND JUST INITIATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE, HEY HOW
  • 00:46:36.250 --> 00:46:39.070
  • IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
  • 00:46:39.090 --> 00:46:40.150
  • AND WHEN YOU ASK THEM THAT QUESTION, LIKE WE
  • 00:46:40.170 --> 00:46:42.090
  • MIGHT DO THIS OVER BREAKFAST ON A SATURDAY
  • 00:46:42.110 --> 00:46:44.020
  • MORNING OR WHATEVER.
  • 00:46:44.040 --> 00:46:45.170
  • THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT THOSE THREE INGREDIENTS:
  • 00:46:45.190 --> 00:46:48.280
  • PASSION, INTIMACY AND COMMITMENT. MAYBE YOU
  • 00:46:49.000 --> 00:46:51.150
  • GRAB A PIECE OF SCRATCH PAPER OR WHATEVER IT IS.
  • 00:46:51.170 --> 00:46:54.180
  • - PAPER NAPKIN, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
  • 00:46:54.200 --> 00:46:56.200
  • - YEAH, AND YOU THINK INTERNALLY JUST DO A
  • 00:46:56.220 --> 00:46:59.040
  • LITTLE TEMPERATURE READING, HOW AM I DOING
  • 00:46:59.060 --> 00:47:01.100
  • RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT, NOT THE TRAJECTORY OF MY
  • 00:47:01.120 --> 00:47:05.010
  • LIFE, JUST RIGHT NOW WHEN IT COMES TO PASSION,
  • 00:47:05.030 --> 00:47:07.130
  • INTIMACY AND COMMITMENT.
  • 00:47:07.150 --> 00:47:09.030
  • YOU'RE THINKING LIKE A ONE TO TEN SCALE.
  • 00:47:09.050 --> 00:47:11.050
  • LIKE WHERE AM I AT ONE TO TEN ON PASSION RIGHT NOW?
  • 00:47:11.070 --> 00:47:14.030
  • YOU'RE NOT DIAGNOSING THE MARRIAGE, YOU'RE NOT EVEN
  • 00:47:14.050 --> 00:47:17.070
  • THINKING WHAT YOUR SPOUSE'S ANSWER IS.
  • 00:47:17.090 --> 00:47:19.030
  • YOU'RE LOOKING INSIDE.
  • 00:47:19.050 --> 00:47:20.190
  • YOU'RE BEING HONEST ABOUT WHAT'S MY EXPERIENCE
  • 00:47:20.210 --> 00:47:22.220
  • RIGHT NOW, AND YOU JUST GET IT OUT JUST ON
  • 00:47:22.240 --> 00:47:24.270
  • THAT ONE TO TEN SCALE.
  • 00:47:24.290 --> 00:47:26.100
  • IT'S A SIMPLE MEASURE, WHERE AM I AT WITH INTIMACY?
  • 00:47:26.120 --> 00:47:28.230
  • HOW CONNECTED AM I FEELING RIGHT NOW TO YOU?
  • 00:47:28.250 --> 00:47:31.020
  • WHERE AM I AT WITH COMMITMENT?
  • 00:47:31.040 --> 00:47:32.240
  • HAVE I HAD TIME TO FOCUS ON US?
  • 00:47:32.260 --> 00:47:34.220
  • - THIS IS A TAKEAWAY.
  • 00:47:34.240 --> 00:47:36.200
  • THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN DO STARTING
  • 00:47:36.220 --> 00:47:38.220
  • TOMORROW, YOU CAN PUT THIS INTO PRACTICE, DO
  • 00:47:38.240 --> 00:47:40.250
  • THIS ONCE EVEN TWICE A WEEK, AND WE DO THIS AT
  • 00:47:40.270 --> 00:47:43.220
  • LEAST ONCE A WEEK IN OUR OWN RELATIONSHIP.
  • 00:47:43.240 --> 00:47:45.190
  • AND LIKE LESLIE SAID, WE MIGHT BE OUT TO BREAKFAST
  • 00:47:45.210 --> 00:47:47.170
  • OR SOMETHING ON A SATURDAY MORNING, AND ONE
  • 00:47:47.190 --> 00:47:49.120
  • OF US WILL SAY HEY, HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE?
  • 00:47:49.140 --> 00:47:51.000
  • WE KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
  • 00:47:51.020 --> 00:47:52.070
  • WE GET OUT A PIECE OF SCRATCH PAPER, PAPER
  • 00:47:52.090 --> 00:47:53.290
  • NAPKIN, WE DRAW THIS LITTLE DIAGRAM HERE,
  • 00:47:54.010 --> 00:47:56.090
  • PASSION, INTIMACY, COMMITMENT ON A SCALE OF
  • 00:47:56.110 --> 00:47:58.090
  • ONE TO TEN, AND ON MY SIDE OF THE TABLE ON MY
  • 00:47:58.110 --> 00:48:01.070
  • NAPKIN I'M THINKING TO MYSELF PASSION FOR ME IS
  • 00:48:01.090 --> 00:48:04.010
  • PRETTY GOOD, BUT I'LL GIVE THAT A LITTLE ROOM
  • 00:48:04.030 --> 00:48:05.250
  • FOR IMPROVEMENT. I'M GONNA GIVE THAT A SOLID NINE.
  • 00:48:05.270 --> 00:48:09.200
  • INTIMACY, I FEEL VERY CONNECTED TO LESLIE,
  • 00:48:09.220 --> 00:48:12.110
  • WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE, A LITTLE ROOM FOR
  • 00:48:12.130 --> 00:48:14.000
  • IMPROVEMENT, I'LL GIVE THAT A SOLID NINE.
  • 00:48:14.020 --> 00:48:16.070
  • AND COMMITMENT, NEVER BEEN MORE FOCUSED AND
  • 00:48:16.090 --> 00:48:18.160
  • COMMITTED TO THIS RELATIONSHIP,
  • 00:48:18.180 --> 00:48:19.280
  • I'M GIVING THAT A SOLID TEN.
  • 00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:21.260
  • OKAY, NOW LESLIE IS DOING THE SAME THING ON HER
  • 00:48:21.280 --> 00:48:23.220
  • SIDE OF THE TABLE, AND SHE'S SAYING TO HERSELF
  • 00:48:23.240 --> 00:48:26.100
  • SOMETHING LIKE PASSION FOR ME IS PRETTY GOOD,
  • 00:48:26.120 --> 00:48:28.230
  • A LITTLE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT, I'LL GIVE
  • 00:48:28.250 --> 00:48:29.280
  • THAT A SOLID TWO.
  • 00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:31.210
  • [LAUGHTER] TWO.
  • 00:48:31.230 --> 00:48:35.030
  • AND I'M STILL COMMITTED TO HIM, I'M NOT SURE WHY.
  • 00:48:35.050 --> 00:48:37.020
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:48:37.040 --> 00:48:40.080
  • UNFORTUNATELY YOU THINK WE'RE JOKING AROUND.
  • 00:48:40.100 --> 00:48:43.050
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:48:43.070 --> 00:48:46.140
  • SO SHE DOES THAT ON HER SIDE OF THE TABLE, I DO
  • 00:48:46.160 --> 00:48:48.040
  • THAT ON MY SIDE OF THE TABLE, AND THEN WE SIMPLY
  • 00:48:48.060 --> 00:48:51.100
  • SLIDE THESE ACROSS TO EACH OTHER SO THE OTHER
  • 00:48:51.120 --> 00:48:53.100
  • PERSON CAN SEE IT, AND WHAT HAPPENS?
  • 00:48:53.120 --> 00:48:56.250
  • THAT'S RIGHT, SHE CRIES AND I STORM OFF.
  • 00:48:56.270 --> 00:48:58.180
  • [LAUGHTER] NO. WHAT HAPPENS?
  • 00:48:58.200 --> 00:49:01.170
  • WE START TO TALK ABOUT IT.
  • 00:49:01.190 --> 00:49:03.170
  • IN FACT, THIS IS THE WORLD'S GREATEST SHORTCUT
  • 00:49:03.190 --> 00:49:05.270
  • TO A MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
  • 00:49:05.290 --> 00:49:10.000
  • WE TALK TO HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF COUPLES, I
  • 00:49:10.020 --> 00:49:11.210
  • CAN TELL YOU YOU PUT THIS INTO YOUR KIND OF HABITS
  • 00:49:11.230 --> 00:49:15.030
  • OF WHAT YOU DO AS A COUPLE, AND YOU WILL LOOK
  • 00:49:15.050 --> 00:49:17.120
  • FORWARD TO THESE INCREDIBLE CONVERSATIONS
  • 00:49:17.140 --> 00:49:19.240
  • BECAUSE IT'S NOT, LIKE LESLIE SAID, IT NOT EVALUATIVE.
  • 00:49:19.260 --> 00:49:22.180
  • WE'RE NOT JUDGING ANYTHING.
  • 00:49:22.200 --> 00:49:24.010
  • - NO. IN FACT IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY GUILT ASSOCIATED
  • 00:49:24.030 --> 00:49:27.150
  • WITH IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW THERE'S A NATURAL EBB AND
  • 00:49:27.170 --> 00:49:29.140
  • FLOW TO ALL OF THESE INGREDIENTS.
  • 00:49:29.160 --> 00:49:31.050
  • THERE'S NO ANXIETY.
  • 00:49:31.070 --> 00:49:32.290
  • YOU DON'T HAVE TO WONDER WHERE ARE WE AT?
  • 00:49:33.010 --> 00:49:35.020
  • WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE.
  • 00:49:35.040 --> 00:49:36.270
  • NOW YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT.
  • 00:49:36.290 --> 00:49:38.240
  • I CAN SO VIVIDLY REMEMBER ONE PARTICULAR TIME WE
  • 00:49:38.260 --> 00:49:42.080
  • WERE JUST HAVING A CONVERSATION, AND HERE
  • 00:49:42.100 --> 00:49:44.170
  • WAS THE THING, IT WAS HONESTLY-- PASSION FOR ME
  • 00:49:44.190 --> 00:49:48.000
  • WAS LIKE AT A 2 AND LES WAS LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON?
  • 00:49:48.020 --> 00:49:51.040
  • I WOULD LOVE FOR THAT TO BE DIFFERENT FOR YOU.
  • 00:49:51.060 --> 00:49:53.030
  • - IT'S NOT TOO LONG AFTER OUR BABY HAD BEEN BORN.
  • 00:49:53.050 --> 00:49:55.160
  • - ABSOLUTELY.
  • 00:49:55.180 --> 00:49:56.220
  • SO EVERY MOM IN HERE WHO HAS AN INFANT CAN RELATE
  • 00:49:56.240 --> 00:49:59.260
  • TO THE SLEEPLESSNESS, EXHAUSTION.
  • 00:49:59.280 --> 00:50:02.020
  • PASSION IS NOT HIGH ON YOUR LIST.
  • 00:50:02.040 --> 00:50:04.020
  • BUT I GOT A LITTLE FARTHER IN LIFE AND HE
  • 00:50:04.040 --> 00:50:07.190
  • WAS GETTING A LITTLE MORE STABILITY, SO HE WANTED
  • 00:50:07.210 --> 00:50:10.070
  • TO REALLY UNDERSTAND IT.
  • 00:50:10.090 --> 00:50:11.240
  • AND I SAID I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON FOR ME.
  • 00:50:11.260 --> 00:50:13.210
  • I HONESTLY DO.
  • 00:50:13.230 --> 00:50:14.270
  • LIKE RIGHT WHEN WE STARTED THE CONVERSATION,
  • 00:50:14.290 --> 00:50:16.190
  • IT HIT ME, I HAVE NOT BEEN SLEEPING AT ALL
  • 00:50:16.210 --> 00:50:19.270
  • BECAUSE I WOKE UP THE OTHER NIGHT, IN THE
  • 00:50:19.290 --> 00:50:21.270
  • MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT OUR LITTLE GUY HAD ESCAPED
  • 00:50:21.290 --> 00:50:23.280
  • OUT OF HIS CRIB.
  • 00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:25.080
  • HE COULDN'T EVEN WALK YET, AND HE WAS CRAWLING
  • 00:50:25.100 --> 00:50:27.000
  • AROUND IN THE DARK HOUSE ALONE IN THE
  • 00:50:27.020 --> 00:50:28.180
  • MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
  • 00:50:28.200 --> 00:50:30.020
  • SO ONCE THAT HAPPENED, I COULDN'T EVEN PROCESS IT.
  • 00:50:30.040 --> 00:50:32.200
  • I WAS NOT SLEEPING.
  • 00:50:32.220 --> 00:50:34.100
  • I WAS UP CHECKING ON HIM ALL NIGHT LONG.
  • 00:50:34.120 --> 00:50:36.030
  • AND I HAD TOLD LES ABOUT IT WHEN IT HAPPENED, BUT
  • 00:50:36.050 --> 00:50:39.090
  • IT SURE WASN'T KEEPING HIM UP ANY NIGHTS.
  • 00:50:39.110 --> 00:50:41.200
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:50:41.220 --> 00:50:43.100
  • - I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY COOL.
  • 00:50:43.120 --> 00:50:44.180
  • HE WAS GOING ON AN ADVENTURE HAVING FUN.
  • 00:50:44.200 --> 00:50:46.060
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:50:46.080 --> 00:50:48.050
  • - HOWEVER, THAT ALL CHANGED WHEN I TOLD HIM
  • 00:50:48.070 --> 00:50:51.010
  • HOW THAT WAS SO CONNECTED FOR ME WITH REST AND
  • 00:50:51.030 --> 00:50:54.070
  • PASSION AND VIBRANCY.
  • 00:50:54.090 --> 00:50:55.230
  • AS SOON AS HE GOT THAT CONNECTION, HE WAS
  • 00:50:55.250 --> 00:50:58.030
  • TOTALLY ON BOARD WITH LET'S SOLVE THIS PROBLEM. SO--
  • 00:50:58.050 --> 00:51:01.230
  • - I'M A HELPER WHEN IT COMES TO HER SEX LIFE AND
  • 00:51:01.250 --> 00:51:03.260
  • THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO DO SO--
  • 00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:05.190
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:05.210 --> 00:51:07.180
  • - I MEAN, I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING.
  • 00:51:07.200 --> 00:51:08.260
  • WE HAD FINISHED TALKING ABOUT IT AND HE SAID
  • 00:51:08.280 --> 00:51:10.110
  • LET'S GO SHOPPING.
  • 00:51:10.130 --> 00:51:11.200
  • WE WENT OUT TO, IT WAS LIKE A BABIES R US, AND
  • 00:51:11.220 --> 00:51:14.080
  • WE TALKED TO THE MANAGER AND IT TURNS OUT THERE IS
  • 00:51:14.100 --> 00:51:17.130
  • A TENT YOU CAN LITERALLY BUY THAT SNAPS ONTO THE
  • 00:51:17.150 --> 00:51:20.180
  • TOP OF YOUR CHILD'S CRIB AND THEN ZIPS SHUT AT
  • 00:51:20.200 --> 00:51:23.170
  • NIGHT AND THERE WAS NO ESCAPE FOR THE BABY.
  • 00:51:23.190 --> 00:51:26.210
  • - IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MESH TENT.
  • 00:51:26.230 --> 00:51:28.060
  • THEY CAN STILL SEE THROUGH BUT IT'S.
  • 00:51:28.080 --> 00:51:29.150
  • - IT'S NOT A BAD THING.
  • 00:51:29.170 --> 00:51:30.270
  • - NO, IT'S STILL LIKE, YOU KNOW, NO.
  • 00:51:30.290 --> 00:51:32.200
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:32.220 --> 00:51:34.000
  • IT'S NOT A BAD THING, NO.
  • 00:51:34.020 --> 00:51:36.180
  • IT'S JUST LIKE BABY PRISON, THAT'S ALL.
  • 00:51:36.200 --> 00:51:38.140
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:51:38.160 --> 00:51:41.090
  • - BUT IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL THING, AND WE WENT HOME
  • 00:51:41.110 --> 00:51:43.250
  • WITH ACTUALLY MORE THAN ONE.
  • 00:51:43.270 --> 00:51:45.030
  • WE BOUGHT TWO.
  • 00:51:45.050 --> 00:51:46.210
  • IT WAS SO WONDERFUL, NOT ONLY BECAUSE THAT WAS A
  • 00:51:46.230 --> 00:51:50.160
  • PRAGMATIC SOLUTION BUT ALSO BECAUSE HOW DO YOU
  • 00:51:50.180 --> 00:51:54.100
  • THINK I FELT AFTER THAT CONVERSATION AND HIS
  • 00:51:54.120 --> 00:51:57.160
  • RESPONSE? HE TOOK ME SERIOUSLY.
  • 00:51:57.180 --> 00:51:59.230
  • I FELT LIKE HE HEARD WHAT IT MEANT TO ME, HE CARED
  • 00:51:59.250 --> 00:52:02.050
  • ABOUT ME, AND SO I FELT KNOWN, I FELT CONNECTED,
  • 00:52:02.070 --> 00:52:05.180
  • I FELT LIKE HE WAS ALL IN, HE WAS TOTALLY
  • 00:52:05.200 --> 00:52:08.030
  • COMMITTED, AND THE PASSION TOO BECAUSE
  • 00:52:08.050 --> 00:52:10.040
  • ALL THAT FLOWS.
  • 00:52:10.060 --> 00:52:11.260
  • ALL IT TOOK WAS A SIMPLE CONVERSATION, REALLY, TO
  • 00:52:11.280 --> 00:52:15.250
  • GET US IN TOUCH WITH WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
  • 00:52:15.270 --> 00:52:17.180
  • - THERE'S A SCHOOL OF THOUGHT IN PSYCHOLOGY
  • 00:52:17.200 --> 00:52:19.040
  • THAT SAYS AWARENESS IS CURATIVE. AWARENESS IS--
  • 00:52:19.060 --> 00:52:22.190
  • ONCE YOU BECOME AWARE OF SOMETHING, THEN YOU CAN
  • 00:52:22.210 --> 00:52:24.250
  • DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AND THIS IS A PRIME EXAMPLE
  • 00:52:24.270 --> 00:52:28.010
  • OF THAT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.
  • 00:52:28.030 --> 00:52:29.200
  • THAT'S WHY WE SAY IT'S THE WORLD'S GREATEST
  • 00:52:29.220 --> 00:52:31.090
  • SHORTCUT TO A MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION ABOUT YOUR
  • 00:52:31.110 --> 00:52:33.290
  • LOVE LIFE. PASSION, INTIMACY AND COMMITMENT.
  • 00:52:34.010 --> 00:52:37.240
  • BY THE WAY, IF YOU'RE LOW ON INTIMACY, I WANT TO
  • 00:52:37.260 --> 00:52:39.230
  • JUST THROW IN A LITTLE SIDEBAR HERE REALLY
  • 00:52:39.250 --> 00:52:41.100
  • QUICKLY BECAUSE IT'S SO IMPORTANT FOR I THINK
  • 00:52:41.120 --> 00:52:44.020
  • WOMEN TO UNDERSTAND THIS ABOUT YOUR MAN, BECAUSE
  • 00:52:44.040 --> 00:52:46.240
  • SO MANY TIMES IN OUR COUNSELING WE HEAR THINGS
  • 00:52:46.260 --> 00:52:49.030
  • LIKE WE GO OUT TO A RESTAURANT TO EAT,
  • 00:52:49.050 --> 00:52:52.110
  • AND HE JUST SITS THERE. HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING.
  • 00:52:52.130 --> 00:52:54.110
  • OR WE GO TO STARBUCKS AND I SAY LET'S JUST GO OUT
  • 00:52:54.130 --> 00:52:56.110
  • AND TALK, AND HE'S LIKE OKAY, AND WE JUST SIT THERE.
  • 00:52:56.130 --> 00:53:00.260
  • NOTHING HAPPENS. AND I'LL SAY HOW ARE YOU DOING?
  • 00:53:00.280 --> 00:53:04.080
  • HE'LL GO GOOD.
  • 00:53:04.100 --> 00:53:06.170
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:53:06.190 --> 00:53:09.000
  • NOT HUNGRY, I'M OKAY.
  • 00:53:09.020 --> 00:53:11.110
  • A LITTLE EXAGGERATION, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
  • 00:53:11.130 --> 00:53:13.200
  • RIGHT? WE'VE BEEN THERE TOO.
  • 00:53:13.220 --> 00:53:15.200
  • BECAUSE THERE IS THIS GENDER DIFFERENCE
  • 00:53:15.220 --> 00:53:17.030
  • WHEN IT COMES TO INTIMACY.
  • 00:53:17.050 --> 00:53:19.000
  • - WHAT TOTALLY STUNNED ME WAS TO DISCOVER IN THE
  • 00:53:19.020 --> 00:53:21.280
  • MIDST OF MY RESEARCH AS A THERAPIST THAT MEN AND
  • 00:53:22.000 --> 00:53:26.000
  • INTIMACY IS SO CONNECTED WITH SHARED ACTIVITY.
  • 00:53:26.020 --> 00:53:30.030
  • I HAD NO IDEA THAT THEY DON'T NECESSARILY
  • 00:53:30.050 --> 00:53:33.120
  • CONSIDER GETTING TOGETHER TO TALK AN ACTIVITY
  • 00:53:33.140 --> 00:53:36.020
  • THAT THEY'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO.
  • 00:53:36.040 --> 00:53:38.280
  • - DUH!
  • 00:53:39.000 --> 00:53:40.080
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:53:40.100 --> 00:53:42.010
  • - FOR ME, THAT'S MY FAVORITE ACTIVITY OF ALL,
  • 00:53:42.030 --> 00:53:44.030
  • ESPECIALLY TO THE PERSON I LOVE THE MOST IN THE
  • 00:53:44.050 --> 00:53:46.030
  • WORLD. BUT ONCE I UNDERSTOOD THE POWER THAT WHEN
  • 00:53:46.050 --> 00:53:49.160
  • A MAN WANTS TO CONNECT EMOTIONALLY WITH SOMEONE,
  • 00:53:49.180 --> 00:53:53.040
  • HE NEEDS TO GO DO SOMETHING ACTIVE WITH THEM.
  • 00:53:53.060 --> 00:53:55.100
  • THAT UNLOCKS THEIR SPIRIT IN THE CONTEXT OF SHARING
  • 00:53:55.120 --> 00:53:59.020
  • THAT FUN, THEY START TALKING. THEY DON'T EVEN
  • 00:53:59.040 --> 00:54:01.230
  • KNOW THEY'RE TALKING BUT THEY ARE.
  • 00:54:01.250 --> 00:54:03.130
  • AND THEY START LISTENING.
  • 00:54:03.150 --> 00:54:04.290
  • - EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS TAKING A
  • 00:54:05.010 --> 00:54:06.090
  • WALK, AND THIS IS FROM RESEARCH. WE KNOW THIS.
  • 00:54:06.110 --> 00:54:09.000
  • SO WOMEN, IF YOU'RE FEELING FRUSTRATED,
  • 00:54:09.020 --> 00:54:10.070
  • YOU CAN JUST INITIATE A LITTLE WALK.
  • 00:54:10.090 --> 00:54:12.070
  • BUT SEE, GUYS DON'T CALL UP OTHER GUYS AND GO
  • 00:54:12.090 --> 00:54:14.150
  • HEY, YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER AND TALK?
  • 00:54:14.170 --> 00:54:17.000
  • [LAUGHTER] RIGHT?
  • 00:54:17.020 --> 00:54:19.230
  • WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE GAME, WE'RE GONNA FISH,
  • 00:54:19.250 --> 00:54:21.230
  • WE'RE GONNA HUNT, WE'RE GONNA PLAY TENNIS, WE'RE
  • 00:54:21.250 --> 00:54:23.090
  • GONNA DO SOME ACTIVITY.
  • 00:54:23.110 --> 00:54:25.010
  • IT'S IN THE CONTEXT OF THAT ACTIVITY LIKE
  • 00:54:25.030 --> 00:54:26.210
  • LESLIE SAID THAT YOUR SPIRIT WILL OPEN UP.
  • 00:54:26.230 --> 00:54:29.030
  • SO BY THE WAY, THIS RESEARCH THAT WAS DONE
  • 00:54:29.050 --> 00:54:31.050
  • AT YALE UNIVERSITY, WE THOUGHT, MAN,
  • 00:54:31.070 --> 00:54:33.180
  • GROUNDBREAKING, INCREDIBLE.
  • 00:54:33.200 --> 00:54:36.020
  • NOBODY'S EVER COME UP WITH THIS PASSION,
  • 00:54:36.040 --> 00:54:37.220
  • INTIMACY AND COMMITMENT, THIS TRIANGLE THING BEFORE.
  • 00:54:37.240 --> 00:54:40.120
  • I WAS ACTUALLY ON AN AIRPLANE, I WAS READING
  • 00:54:40.140 --> 00:54:42.030
  • ALONG IN 1 CORINTHIANS AND I CAME UPON THIS
  • 00:54:42.050 --> 00:54:45.170
  • PASSAGE OF SCRIPTURE. LOOK AT THIS.
  • 00:54:45.190 --> 00:54:47.110
  • THIS IS FROM THE MESSAGE.
  • 00:54:47.130 --> 00:54:48.230
  • IT SAYS THERE'S MORE TO SEX THAN MERE SKIN ON SKIN.
  • 00:54:48.250 --> 00:54:51.220
  • SEX IS AS MUCH SPIRITUAL MYSTERY AS PHYSICAL FACT.
  • 00:54:51.240 --> 00:54:55.250
  • WE MUST NOT PURSUE THE KIND OF SEX OR PASSION
  • 00:54:55.270 --> 00:54:59.110
  • THAT AVOIDS COMMITMENT AND INTIMACY LEAVING US
  • 00:54:59.130 --> 00:55:02.250
  • MORE LONELY THAN EVER.
  • 00:55:02.270 --> 00:55:04.240
  • ISN'T THAT INCREDIBLE?
  • 00:55:04.260 --> 00:55:06.020
  • LONG BEFORE ANY RESEARCHERS AT YALE OR
  • 00:55:06.040 --> 00:55:08.040
  • ANYWHERE ELSE DID ANY STUDIES, THE APOSTLE PAUL
  • 00:55:08.060 --> 00:55:10.130
  • HAD ALREADY NAILED IT DOWN.
  • 00:55:10.150 --> 00:55:11.280
  • PASSION, INTIMACY AND COMMITMENT.
  • 00:55:12.000 --> 00:55:14.250
  • BY THE WAY, AS A SOCIAL SCIENTIST, I DISCOVER
  • 00:55:14.270 --> 00:55:16.290
  • THAT ALL THE TIME.
  • 00:55:17.010 --> 00:55:18.080
  • WE THINK WE'VE HAD SOME BREAKTHROUGH, AND THEN
  • 00:55:18.100 --> 00:55:19.180
  • WHEN WE OPEN UP THE BIBLE, OH... I GUESS IT...
  • 00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:22.130
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:55:22.150 --> 00:55:23.260
  • PETER GOT THERE BEFORE WE DID.
  • 00:55:23.280 --> 00:55:25.140
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:55:25.160 --> 00:55:26.280
  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
  • 00:55:27.000 --> 00:55:28.110
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:55:28.130 --> 00:55:31.050
  • - ANNOUNCER: LOOK OUT FOR MORE SPARK MARRIAGE
  • 00:55:31.070 --> 00:55:32.230
  • CONFERENCE FEATURING PASTOR JOHN GRAY.
  • 00:55:32.250 --> 00:55:35.040
  • - JOHN GRAY: THE CURSE OF COMMON IS WHEN YOU ARE
  • 00:55:35.060 --> 00:55:37.060
  • SITTING NEXT TO THE PERSON GOD HAD IN MIND
  • 00:55:37.080 --> 00:55:38.290
  • FOR ALL OF ETERNITY AND YOU TREAT THEM REGULARLY.
  • 00:55:39.010 --> 00:55:42.210
  • MAN OF GOD, THAT WOMAN IS YOUR FAVOR, SHE IS THE
  • 00:55:42.230 --> 00:55:45.010
  • FAVOR FACTOR IN YOUR LIFE, AND DON'T THINK
  • 00:55:45.030 --> 00:55:47.130
  • THAT IT'S BETTER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE
  • 00:55:47.150 --> 00:55:49.180
  • BECAUSE THE GRASS MIGHT LOOK GREENER BUT
  • 00:55:49.200 --> 00:55:52.150
  • THE DOG IS ALSO MEANER.
  • 00:55:52.170 --> 00:55:54.290
  • - ANNOUNCER: AS WELL AS FOUR-TIME GRAMMY
  • 00:55:55.010 --> 00:55:56.150
  • NOMINATED ARTIST, TAUREN WELLS.
  • 00:55:56.170 --> 00:55:58.210
  • - TAUREN WELLS: I THINK WORSHIPPING TOGETHER
  • 00:55:58.230 --> 00:56:00.120
  • IS ESSENTIAL.
  • 00:56:00.140 --> 00:56:02.010
  • [SINGING] I'M FULLY ON AND LOVED BY YOU...
  • 00:56:02.030 --> 00:56:06.060
  • - JOHN GRAY: WE'RE GETTING READY TO PULL UP
  • 00:56:06.080 --> 00:56:07.100
  • RIGHT NOW TO THE SPARK CONFERENCE.
  • 00:56:07.120 --> 00:56:09.160
  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LIVE FROM SPARK CONFERENCE...
  • 00:56:09.180 --> 00:56:13.050
  • - HOUSTON TEXAS, LAKEWOOD CHURCH!
  • 00:56:13.070 --> 00:56:15.150
  • - ANNOUNCER: ONLY HERE ON PRAISE.
  • 00:56:15.170 --> 00:56:18.070
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:56:18.090 --> 00:56:26.140