Rhythms | TBN

Rhythms

Watch Rhythms
November 21, 2017
27:31

Doing Life with Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke

Closed captions

Rhythms

Show timecode
Hide timecode
  • (gentle music)
  • 00:00:00.200 --> 00:00:03.020
  • We came we saw and we conquered
  • 00:00:12.070 --> 00:00:16.100
  • Felt the world beneath our feet
  • 00:00:18.150 --> 00:00:22.180
  • It was hopes it was dreams
  • 00:00:24.060 --> 00:00:27.050
  • But above everything
  • 00:00:27.070 --> 00:00:30.010
  • It was you
  • 00:00:30.030 --> 00:00:33.050
  • Right here with me
  • 00:00:33.070 --> 00:00:36.070
  • - Welcome to Doing Life, I'm Jeff, this is my wife Alyssa.
  • 00:00:50.050 --> 00:00:52.290
  • Now we're very excited about today's topic.
  • 00:00:53.010 --> 00:00:54.210
  • We're gonna be talking about rhythms.
  • 00:00:54.230 --> 00:00:56.040
  • Now I think the reason we're most excited
  • 00:00:56.060 --> 00:00:57.200
  • is I would honestly say this is probably one of the been
  • 00:00:57.220 --> 00:00:59.270
  • the most life changing topics in our marriage.
  • 00:00:59.290 --> 00:01:02.040
  • Would you say that?
  • 00:01:02.060 --> 00:01:03.020
  • - Not many people talk about.
  • 00:01:03.040 --> 00:01:04.130
  • - Yeah, and not many people talk about it
  • 00:01:04.150 --> 00:01:06.070
  • and what we mean by rhythms is
  • 00:01:06.090 --> 00:01:08.020
  • to have a healthy marriage you have to kind of set
  • 00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:10.170
  • these cadences, or you kinda have to set these rhythms,
  • 00:01:10.190 --> 00:01:13.120
  • or these ways of going about the day.
  • 00:01:13.140 --> 00:01:15.290
  • And the story I like to think of
  • 00:01:16.010 --> 00:01:17.150
  • that hopefully illustrates this
  • 00:01:17.170 --> 00:01:18.230
  • is I was one of those middle school band guys.
  • 00:01:18.250 --> 00:01:21.180
  • You know I was in the band. - You were?
  • 00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:23.030
  • - Yeah, I was in the band in middle school.
  • 00:01:23.050 --> 00:01:24.160
  • I played the trombone, not very long.
  • 00:01:24.180 --> 00:01:26.010
  • - Right right, okay, right.
  • 00:01:26.030 --> 00:01:27.110
  • - So it wasn't really a part of our story,
  • 00:01:27.130 --> 00:01:27.290
  • I never told ya.
  • 00:01:28.010 --> 00:01:28.290
  • I'm ashamed of that part.
  • 00:01:29.010 --> 00:01:30.170
  • But really realistically, what I wanna say to you guys
  • 00:01:30.190 --> 00:01:31.270
  • is I would play the trombone
  • 00:01:31.290 --> 00:01:33.210
  • and I remember learning in middle school
  • 00:01:33.230 --> 00:01:34.290
  • how to play that instrument.
  • 00:01:35.010 --> 00:01:36.150
  • And if you've learned to play an instrument
  • 00:01:36.170 --> 00:01:38.040
  • you know the beginning is not very good.
  • 00:01:38.060 --> 00:01:40.120
  • Right?
  • 00:01:40.140 --> 00:01:41.210
  • I would play and it'd be terrible.
  • 00:01:41.230 --> 00:01:42.130
  • It would not sound good.
  • 00:01:42.150 --> 00:01:43.210
  • I did not know how to play songs.
  • 00:01:43.230 --> 00:01:44.130
  • Or any particular music.
  • 00:01:44.150 --> 00:01:46.030
  • And let's just say my mom wasn't in the other room,
  • 00:01:46.050 --> 00:01:48.210
  • you know my mom wasn't really the cheer cheer mom
  • 00:01:48.230 --> 00:01:50.200
  • of like she didn't know how to lie.
  • 00:01:50.220 --> 00:01:52.070
  • So, which is a good thing.
  • 00:01:52.090 --> 00:01:53.070
  • - She totally cheered you on.
  • 00:01:53.090 --> 00:01:55.030
  • - Best cheerleading mom ever.
  • 00:01:55.050 --> 00:01:57.060
  • Encouraged me and was incredible.
  • 00:01:57.080 --> 00:01:58.280
  • But she didn't really fake it to me in a good way.
  • 00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:01.180
  • - Right. - And so when I was playing
  • 00:02:01.200 --> 00:02:02.200
  • and learning to play music
  • 00:02:02.220 --> 00:02:03.290
  • she didn't say oh great job honey.
  • 00:02:04.010 --> 00:02:05.190
  • Because it wasn't.
  • 00:02:05.210 --> 00:02:06.140
  • It sounded terrible
  • 00:02:06.160 --> 00:02:07.250
  • and she probably wanted to run outta the house.
  • 00:02:07.270 --> 00:02:09.000
  • Now she still would encourage me.
  • 00:02:09.020 --> 00:02:10.120
  • - She's gracious for letting you learn that.
  • 00:02:10.140 --> 00:02:11.050
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:02:11.070 --> 00:02:12.030
  • She would still encourage me.
  • 00:02:12.050 --> 00:02:13.210
  • And say hey that's really good,
  • 00:02:13.230 --> 00:02:15.200
  • or you need to keep getting better.
  • 00:02:15.220 --> 00:02:17.220
  • And what I mean by that is this,
  • 00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:19.080
  • there's rhythms and there's music in the universe.
  • 00:02:19.100 --> 00:02:21.170
  • God set this earth and the cosmos into existence
  • 00:02:21.190 --> 00:02:25.170
  • with a cadence.
  • 00:02:26.160 --> 00:02:27.170
  • With a rhythm.
  • 00:02:27.190 --> 00:02:28.260
  • And a lot of us live in that broken music way,
  • 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:31.270
  • where we don't submit to the rhythms
  • 00:02:31.290 --> 00:02:33.050
  • or the music God's created.
  • 00:02:33.070 --> 00:02:34.250
  • And I think a lot of times we just expect
  • 00:02:34.270 --> 00:02:36.150
  • other people to say, oh yeah, that's good
  • 00:02:36.170 --> 00:02:37.280
  • or that's awesome.
  • 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:39.060
  • No, you're not playing the right music.
  • 00:02:39.080 --> 00:02:40.110
  • Now of course, not to shame the person,
  • 00:02:40.130 --> 00:02:43.010
  • but it's like hey, keep growing, keep learning.
  • 00:02:43.030 --> 00:02:45.100
  • Try to fall in line with the music,
  • 00:02:45.120 --> 00:02:46.280
  • try to play the right notes.
  • 00:02:47.000 --> 00:02:48.140
  • And I think that has a lot to do
  • 00:02:48.160 --> 00:02:50.280
  • with our autonomy as humans.
  • 00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:52.070
  • We aren't the ones creating the music.
  • 00:02:52.090 --> 00:02:53.120
  • The music is playing,
  • 00:02:53.140 --> 00:02:54.120
  • there's rhythms in the universe,
  • 00:02:54.140 --> 00:02:56.020
  • and we are to submit to that.
  • 00:02:56.040 --> 00:02:57.170
  • What would you say to that? - And I think too,
  • 00:02:57.190 --> 00:02:58.250
  • learning that God is a rhythmic God.
  • 00:02:58.270 --> 00:03:02.010
  • In the Old Testament, there are so many rhythms.
  • 00:03:02.030 --> 00:03:04.180
  • - So many traditions of rhythms and things.
  • 00:03:04.200 --> 00:03:06.260
  • - There was sabbath that they took.
  • 00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:08.080
  • There was all these holidays.
  • 00:03:08.100 --> 00:03:09.260
  • There were these rests that he commanded.
  • 00:03:09.280 --> 00:03:11.140
  • - Remember, remember.
  • 00:03:11.160 --> 00:03:12.230
  • - Right, because he knew that's how
  • 00:03:12.250 --> 00:03:14.170
  • humans were created and that was the best for them.
  • 00:03:14.190 --> 00:03:16.190
  • Like vacations and all these things you need.
  • 00:03:16.210 --> 00:03:18.250
  • And I think in the Christian culture we often hear,
  • 00:03:18.270 --> 00:03:21.200
  • "Oh, this is just a season.".
  • 00:03:21.220 --> 00:03:23.100
  • And it is, and there's different seasons that
  • 00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:25.240
  • God takes us through and different rhythms and
  • 00:03:25.260 --> 00:03:28.170
  • cadences throughout life.
  • 00:03:28.190 --> 00:03:30.110
  • And then learning to do that
  • 00:03:30.130 --> 00:03:32.000
  • within your family is really important.
  • 00:03:32.020 --> 00:03:33.150
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:03:33.170 --> 00:03:34.230
  • And honestly, I think I like to say that
  • 00:03:34.250 --> 00:03:36.090
  • that rhythm's almost the secret sauce to a healthy marriage.
  • 00:03:36.110 --> 00:03:37.170
  • That if you're understanding what that means,
  • 00:03:37.190 --> 00:03:40.190
  • that if you're actually building that into your marriage,
  • 00:03:40.210 --> 00:03:42.250
  • it goes really, really well for you.
  • 00:03:42.270 --> 00:03:45.050
  • So we want to show you guys a video.
  • 00:03:45.070 --> 00:03:46.200
  • This is from Chip and Joanna Gaines, we love them,
  • 00:03:46.220 --> 00:03:48.190
  • we are fan girls and fan boys of them.
  • 00:03:48.210 --> 00:03:50.090
  • They are amazing.
  • 00:03:50.110 --> 00:03:51.270
  • We're specifically gonna talk about home and hospitality,
  • 00:03:51.290 --> 00:03:54.270
  • because I believe and we believe that's where rhythms start.
  • 00:03:54.290 --> 00:03:58.140
  • So take a look.
  • 00:03:58.160 --> 00:04:00.060
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:04:00.080 --> 00:04:02.240
  • - [Joanna] You know, there's nothing sweeter to me than
  • 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:19.170
  • home and hospitality.
  • 00:04:19.190 --> 00:04:21.060
  • I love opening up our home to our friends and
  • 00:04:21.080 --> 00:04:23.140
  • even just when it's just as simple as setting the
  • 00:04:23.160 --> 00:04:26.040
  • table for my children.
  • 00:04:26.060 --> 00:04:27.290
  • Just really letting them understand the
  • 00:04:28.010 --> 00:04:29.240
  • meaning of home, and that's where we're intentional.
  • 00:04:29.260 --> 00:04:33.050
  • Whether it's with dinner or when we wake up in the
  • 00:04:33.070 --> 00:04:35.240
  • morning for breakfast, I want home to be a sweet place,
  • 00:04:35.260 --> 00:04:38.090
  • not only for my family, but friends, and for us.
  • 00:04:38.110 --> 00:04:42.010
  • I mean, this is what we get to do for a living,
  • 00:04:42.030 --> 00:04:44.010
  • we get to create homes for our clients.
  • 00:04:44.030 --> 00:04:45.290
  • And so it's really a dream come true for us.
  • 00:04:46.010 --> 00:04:47.240
  • - Sure.
  • 00:04:47.260 --> 00:04:49.110
  • You know, the irony of this all is I started in the
  • 00:04:49.130 --> 00:04:51.030
  • lawn care business.
  • 00:04:51.050 --> 00:04:52.250
  • I just had a little lawn care company here
  • 00:04:52.270 --> 00:04:55.030
  • in Waco, Texas and got into landscaping and irrigation.
  • 00:04:55.050 --> 00:04:57.150
  • And as that little business grew, I saved up some money and
  • 00:04:57.170 --> 00:05:01.100
  • essentially bought my first property.
  • 00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:03.230
  • And then back in the day, and still,
  • 00:05:03.250 --> 00:05:05.180
  • I have a bit of a problem referring to houses or
  • 00:05:05.200 --> 00:05:09.130
  • homes as units or properties,
  • 00:05:09.150 --> 00:05:12.220
  • because they were kind of investments to me.
  • 00:05:12.240 --> 00:05:15.090
  • Just like a car dealership might have cars as inventories,
  • 00:05:15.110 --> 00:05:18.260
  • I happen to have homes.
  • 00:05:18.280 --> 00:05:20.260
  • But the further I've gotten in my career,
  • 00:05:20.280 --> 00:05:23.050
  • I think that was not an accident.
  • 00:05:23.070 --> 00:05:26.020
  • I feel like, what are the chances that
  • 00:05:26.040 --> 00:05:28.070
  • I got into the home business?
  • 00:05:28.090 --> 00:05:30.020
  • We renovated homes, we built homes from the ground up,
  • 00:05:30.040 --> 00:05:33.150
  • and the fact that we have become so passionate about
  • 00:05:33.170 --> 00:05:35.270
  • how life really happens in our home.
  • 00:05:35.290 --> 00:05:39.010
  • Everybody loves their car,
  • 00:05:39.030 --> 00:05:40.250
  • but I don't think you'd ever see the
  • 00:05:40.270 --> 00:05:43.000
  • argument that life happens in your car.
  • 00:05:43.020 --> 00:05:45.060
  • But the home is really where your heart is,
  • 00:05:45.080 --> 00:05:48.140
  • and the fact that we have the opportunity to
  • 00:05:48.160 --> 00:05:50.080
  • serve our clients through that industry is really an honor.
  • 00:05:50.100 --> 00:05:54.290
  • - [Alyssa] I love what Chip and Jo say about how
  • 00:05:55.010 --> 00:05:57.270
  • rhythms really start within your family and at home,
  • 00:05:57.290 --> 00:06:00.170
  • and with hospitality.
  • 00:06:00.190 --> 00:06:02.090
  • And I know, for me, I remember when we were first married.
  • 00:06:02.110 --> 00:06:05.280
  • - Yeah, I was really passionate about this.
  • 00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:07.170
  • - You were really passionate, you were going to seminary,
  • 00:06:07.190 --> 00:06:09.130
  • you were studying the Old Testament.
  • 00:06:09.150 --> 00:06:10.280
  • We went to Israel, and you were really passionate about
  • 00:06:11.000 --> 00:06:12.260
  • sabbath and rhythms in our family,
  • 00:06:12.280 --> 00:06:15.120
  • and starting out our family and
  • 00:06:15.140 --> 00:06:16.280
  • developing the vision for us.
  • 00:06:17.000 --> 00:06:18.170
  • And I was really excited for that,
  • 00:06:18.190 --> 00:06:20.150
  • I loved that you were doing that, but at the same time,
  • 00:06:20.170 --> 00:06:22.190
  • I kind of didn't have a clue what you were talking about.
  • 00:06:22.210 --> 00:06:24.210
  • I was like, "The sabbath, that's like old school.".
  • 00:06:24.230 --> 00:06:27.040
  • You live in the New Covenant now,
  • 00:06:27.060 --> 00:06:28.200
  • and I don't understand what you're talking about.
  • 00:06:28.220 --> 00:06:30.090
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:06:30.110 --> 00:06:31.260
  • - And I remember you saying, "Alyssa, I really want to
  • 00:06:31.280 --> 00:06:33.060
  • "develop sabbath in our family,
  • 00:06:33.080 --> 00:06:34.160
  • "I think this is really important.",
  • 00:06:34.180 --> 00:06:36.000
  • and I just was like, "Sure.".
  • 00:06:36.020 --> 00:06:37.140
  • But I really drug my foot a lot.
  • 00:06:37.160 --> 00:06:40.070
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:06:40.090 --> 00:06:41.240
  • - And so we would plan a day once a week to set aside,
  • 00:06:41.260 --> 00:06:43.200
  • you'd turned off your phone, we would rest, we would read.
  • 00:06:43.220 --> 00:06:47.190
  • But I kind of just felt like, if I'm honest,
  • 00:06:47.210 --> 00:06:50.210
  • I kind of felt like, "Oh this is just like Jeff's day.".
  • 00:06:50.230 --> 00:06:53.060
  • - [Jeff] You never kind of bought in.
  • 00:06:53.080 --> 00:06:54.180
  • - I never bought in.
  • 00:06:54.200 --> 00:06:56.060
  • I was kinda like, "Jeff's got to do whatever he wanted to
  • 00:06:56.080 --> 00:06:57.140
  • "do, but I'm still a mom, so I still have to
  • 00:06:57.160 --> 00:06:59.020
  • "like cook and clean and all these things.".
  • 00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:00.230
  • - Yeah, yeah.
  • 00:07:00.250 --> 00:07:02.100
  • - So I felt like it was really hard for me, if I'm honest.
  • 00:07:02.120 --> 00:07:03.210
  • And then we kind of reinstated it and
  • 00:07:03.230 --> 00:07:05.190
  • into our family after our son was born.
  • 00:07:05.210 --> 00:07:07.200
  • And all of a sudden now, it's like I love sabbath.
  • 00:07:07.220 --> 00:07:11.130
  • - You almost start craving it.
  • 00:07:11.150 --> 00:07:12.250
  • - I crave it, I look forward to it so much.
  • 00:07:12.270 --> 00:07:14.160
  • - Because it's a rhythm.
  • 00:07:14.180 --> 00:07:15.250
  • - And so this is a big rhythm for
  • 00:07:15.270 --> 00:07:17.170
  • us and our family, a practical way.
  • 00:07:17.190 --> 00:07:19.030
  • We set aside 24 hours, it starts at dinner,
  • 00:07:19.050 --> 00:07:20.210
  • ends the dinner the next day.
  • 00:07:20.230 --> 00:07:22.150
  • We have a special dinner.
  • 00:07:22.170 --> 00:07:24.230
  • I try to do all my laundry, all my errands,
  • 00:07:24.250 --> 00:07:26.120
  • all the cleaning before so I can totally rest.
  • 00:07:26.140 --> 00:07:28.210
  • And I love it.
  • 00:07:28.230 --> 00:07:30.060
  • I feel like we're just intentional with each other,
  • 00:07:30.080 --> 00:07:31.270
  • we get good family time.
  • 00:07:31.290 --> 00:07:33.220
  • And you actually do nothing and then within the
  • 00:07:33.240 --> 00:07:36.090
  • 24 hours when it's done, I actually feel rested and
  • 00:07:36.110 --> 00:07:38.140
  • ready to go for the rest of the week.
  • 00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:40.160
  • - Totally.
  • 00:07:40.180 --> 00:07:41.230
  • - So practical.
  • 00:07:41.250 --> 00:07:43.050
  • We have set sabbath as a rhythm.
  • 00:07:43.070 --> 00:07:45.020
  • We also have really set date night.
  • 00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:47.130
  • Which I think before kids, we thought that was kind of like,
  • 00:07:47.150 --> 00:07:50.280
  • "Oh I don't understand why that's so important.".
  • 00:07:51.000 --> 00:07:52.290
  • - [Jeff] Yeah. Yeah.
  • 00:07:53.010 --> 00:07:54.030
  • - But now with kids, it's like-
  • 00:07:54.050 --> 00:07:55.220
  • - [Jeff] You really gotta schedule it.
  • 00:07:55.240 --> 00:07:56.280
  • - We really need it.
  • 00:07:57.000 --> 00:07:58.080
  • And it really gives life to our marriage,
  • 00:07:58.100 --> 00:07:59.230
  • vitality to our marriage, because we can talk and
  • 00:07:59.250 --> 00:08:01.110
  • not be interrupted and have this special time together.
  • 00:08:01.130 --> 00:08:03.240
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:08:03.260 --> 00:08:05.110
  • - And then traditions, having holidays and having those
  • 00:08:05.130 --> 00:08:06.230
  • special things that we love.
  • 00:08:06.250 --> 00:08:08.140
  • And I think it just kind of gives the cadence to our family.
  • 00:08:08.160 --> 00:08:10.290
  • Things we look forward to getting through the week,
  • 00:08:11.010 --> 00:08:14.040
  • and it's really life-giving for us.
  • 00:08:14.060 --> 00:08:16.100
  • - Yeah, and we want to make sure you're not
  • 00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:18.110
  • hearing us say that this is an absolute rule.
  • 00:08:18.130 --> 00:08:20.050
  • If you do this, then you're sinning.
  • 00:08:20.070 --> 00:08:21.150
  • But I think rhythms is a rule,
  • 00:08:21.170 --> 00:08:23.000
  • but you gotta figure that our for your family,
  • 00:08:23.020 --> 00:08:25.030
  • you gotta figure that out for your marriage.
  • 00:08:25.050 --> 00:08:26.260
  • - Yeah, what gives life to your family?
  • 00:08:26.280 --> 00:08:28.060
  • What do you need?
  • 00:08:28.080 --> 00:08:29.140
  • What's healthy for you guys individually?
  • 00:08:29.160 --> 00:08:30.290
  • - And for us, we've set those pillars.
  • 00:08:31.010 --> 00:08:32.260
  • Sabbath, the day of rest and celebrating once a week,
  • 00:08:32.280 --> 00:08:34.270
  • date night, and also big traditions.
  • 00:08:34.290 --> 00:08:36.290
  • Those are the lenses in which we see rhythms.
  • 00:08:37.010 --> 00:08:39.070
  • - And we don't always do sabbath.
  • 00:08:39.090 --> 00:08:41.010
  • - [Jeff] Totally.
  • 00:08:41.030 --> 00:08:42.180
  • - It's kind of like, there's so much grace there, too.
  • 00:08:42.200 --> 00:08:43.270
  • - [Jeff] Exactly.
  • 00:08:43.290 --> 00:08:45.140
  • I think of traditions with family friends of ours.
  • 00:08:45.160 --> 00:08:47.020
  • There's a Pastor friend of our back in Washington,
  • 00:08:47.040 --> 00:08:49.070
  • where we used to live, and one thing that they do is
  • 00:08:49.090 --> 00:08:50.220
  • every birthday for their kids,
  • 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:52.260
  • they kind of call it the 'hot seat'.
  • 00:08:52.280 --> 00:08:54.120
  • And they take their kid and they put him in a seat,
  • 00:08:54.140 --> 00:08:56.020
  • they put him in the center of the room,
  • 00:08:56.040 --> 00:08:57.170
  • and then they basically just kind of,
  • 00:08:57.190 --> 00:08:58.290
  • without raising their hand or anything,
  • 00:08:59.010 --> 00:09:00.120
  • the rest of the family just
  • 00:09:00.140 --> 00:09:02.000
  • starts saying things they love about that person.
  • 00:09:02.020 --> 00:09:03.150
  • Things they saw that week that were encouraging or
  • 00:09:03.170 --> 00:09:05.200
  • that year and how much they grew since last birthday.
  • 00:09:05.220 --> 00:09:08.250
  • - I love that.
  • 00:09:08.270 --> 00:09:09.250
  • - And on and on and on.
  • 00:09:09.270 --> 00:09:11.090
  • And that's them developing those traditions.
  • 00:09:11.110 --> 00:09:13.080
  • And here's what it comes down to.
  • 00:09:13.100 --> 00:09:14.200
  • I think in the western world, we see time as linear,
  • 00:09:14.220 --> 00:09:17.130
  • and in some degree it is, of course,
  • 00:09:17.150 --> 00:09:19.000
  • but also I think in the Bible,
  • 00:09:19.020 --> 00:09:21.020
  • we say it's cyclical, right?
  • 00:09:21.040 --> 00:09:23.000
  • It kind of is almost like this forward moving spiral.
  • 00:09:23.020 --> 00:09:25.290
  • I think when you do that, it brings anchor to your days,
  • 00:09:26.010 --> 00:09:28.120
  • it brings anchor to your weeks,
  • 00:09:28.140 --> 00:09:30.060
  • and it brings anchors to your years.
  • 00:09:30.080 --> 00:09:32.220
  • - And things that your family, your kids remember,
  • 00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:34.280
  • and it's kind of like their lineage that they bring on.
  • 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:37.070
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:09:37.090 --> 00:09:38.120
  • And personally, I know for us,
  • 00:09:38.140 --> 00:09:39.290
  • it was actually a really fun part in our marriage,
  • 00:09:40.010 --> 00:09:41.110
  • of kind of hitting the drawing board and saying,
  • 00:09:41.130 --> 00:09:43.030
  • "What are those gonna be?
  • 00:09:43.050 --> 00:09:44.070
  • "What are we gonna do?
  • 00:09:44.090 --> 00:09:45.110
  • "Let's make some rhythms.".
  • 00:09:45.130 --> 00:09:47.000
  • And it really comes down to what fills you up the most,
  • 00:09:47.020 --> 00:09:48.130
  • and what brings you closer to the Lord the most.
  • 00:09:48.150 --> 00:09:51.010
  • So think about that, ask your spouse that,
  • 00:09:51.030 --> 00:09:53.060
  • and be encouraged that it is for your joy to set rhythms.
  • 00:09:53.080 --> 00:09:56.160
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:09:56.180 --> 00:09:59.140
  • We're so excited to tell you about these
  • 00:09:59.160 --> 00:10:01.000
  • two guides books and also our main book, Love That Lasts.
  • 00:10:01.020 --> 00:10:03.190
  • Now, what this is is these are books that we wrote,
  • 00:10:03.210 --> 00:10:06.000
  • they came from our story.
  • 00:10:06.020 --> 00:10:07.170
  • Two of them are guide books, so they have exercises and
  • 00:10:07.190 --> 00:10:08.290
  • kind of fill in the blanks.
  • 00:10:09.010 --> 00:10:10.140
  • - [Alyssa] A him and a her.
  • 00:10:10.160 --> 00:10:11.150
  • - Yeah, things of that nature.
  • 00:10:11.170 --> 00:10:13.070
  • And then a main book that's our story,
  • 00:10:13.090 --> 00:10:15.160
  • that's our journey of dating, breaking up,
  • 00:10:15.180 --> 00:10:17.060
  • getting engaged, getting married, having kids.
  • 00:10:17.080 --> 00:10:19.010
  • And what these three books in total are trying to
  • 00:10:19.030 --> 00:10:21.080
  • do is answer the question of, "What's God's vision for
  • 00:10:21.100 --> 00:10:23.210
  • "marriage, for sexuality, for the journey we're on in
  • 00:10:23.230 --> 00:10:27.250
  • "dating and engagement and romance?".
  • 00:10:27.270 --> 00:10:29.230
  • - And the workbooks are just things we've learned on
  • 00:10:29.250 --> 00:10:31.160
  • the 12 main topics in marriage.
  • 00:10:31.180 --> 00:10:33.050
  • Communication, conflict, and the mentors that have
  • 00:10:33.070 --> 00:10:35.160
  • poured into us and given us so much wisdom on those topics.
  • 00:10:35.180 --> 00:10:38.220
  • - [Narrator] Receive your copy of Love That Lasts as
  • 00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:41.060
  • TBN's thank you for any gift of support today.
  • 00:10:41.080 --> 00:10:44.060
  • And with a gift of $70 or more, we'll also include the
  • 00:10:44.080 --> 00:10:47.210
  • his and hers interactive workbooks.
  • 00:10:47.230 --> 00:10:50.120
  • Call or click now to share a gift and request yours,
  • 00:10:50.140 --> 00:10:53.090
  • and start building a love that lasts.
  • 00:10:53.110 --> 00:10:56.110
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:10:57.190 --> 00:11:00.070
  • - [Alyssa] You know, there are a lot of things that
  • 00:11:06.140 --> 00:11:08.020
  • can be harmful to your relationship or
  • 00:11:08.040 --> 00:11:09.210
  • hurtful to your relationship.
  • 00:11:09.230 --> 00:11:11.160
  • But I think we really saw this right after our son was born,
  • 00:11:11.180 --> 00:11:14.130
  • that there is a big thing-
  • 00:11:14.150 --> 00:11:16.190
  • - [Jeff] That's not very obvious.
  • 00:11:16.210 --> 00:11:18.060
  • - That's not very obvious that a lot of
  • 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:19.280
  • people don't really talk about that
  • 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:21.090
  • is actually really harmful to a relationship.
  • 00:11:21.110 --> 00:11:23.120
  • So we have a video for you guys, take a look.
  • 00:11:23.140 --> 00:11:27.160
  • - The thing that we believe actually gives life to
  • 00:11:27.180 --> 00:11:29.040
  • a relationship, meaning like when
  • 00:11:29.060 --> 00:11:30.220
  • I feel like we're doing our best,
  • 00:11:30.240 --> 00:11:32.090
  • it's usually because we are being the most proactive that
  • 00:11:32.110 --> 00:11:33.230
  • week or that month in our relationship.
  • 00:11:33.250 --> 00:11:35.210
  • We weren't ships in the night,
  • 00:11:35.230 --> 00:11:37.090
  • we weren't just passing each other, we were saying,
  • 00:11:37.110 --> 00:11:38.210
  • "How are you doing, how are you doing,
  • 00:11:38.230 --> 00:11:40.030
  • "how can we encourage, how can I encourage you?".
  • 00:11:40.050 --> 00:11:41.170
  • Not to give an illustration from gardening,
  • 00:11:41.190 --> 00:11:43.020
  • but I guess I have to because I've been gardening lately.
  • 00:11:43.040 --> 00:11:44.160
  • And you didn't think I was gonna stay with it, but I did.
  • 00:11:44.180 --> 00:11:47.150
  • - You did.
  • 00:11:47.170 --> 00:11:48.250
  • - Did you think I was gonna stay with it?
  • 00:11:48.270 --> 00:11:49.280
  • No, she had ample reason to not think I was
  • 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:51.180
  • gonna stick with it because of my personality.
  • 00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:52.280
  • - That's what I was gonna say.
  • 00:11:53.000 --> 00:11:54.200
  • - (mumbles) I'm the guy, and let me know fellas if
  • 00:11:54.220 --> 00:11:56.250
  • this is you, but I'm the guy that starts something and
  • 00:11:56.270 --> 00:11:59.100
  • then I'm like, "Eh, moving onto the next thing.".
  • 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:01.020
  • It's totally ADHD.
  • 00:12:01.040 --> 00:12:02.120
  • But gardening, I've been crushing it,
  • 00:12:02.140 --> 00:12:03.120
  • I'm not gonna lie.
  • 00:12:03.140 --> 00:12:04.290
  • It's been awesome, we've been yielding fruit and herbs and
  • 00:12:05.010 --> 00:12:06.060
  • all these things, and I've stayed with it.
  • 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:07.030
  • But back to my main point.
  • 00:12:07.050 --> 00:12:08.070
  • With gardening I've realized,
  • 00:12:08.090 --> 00:12:09.240
  • and I was just telling you this a few minutes ago,
  • 00:12:09.260 --> 00:12:11.100
  • tomatoes and basil, all the different things we have,
  • 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:14.010
  • they start to come and then show fruit or
  • 00:12:14.030 --> 00:12:15.160
  • kind of show that they're growing well,
  • 00:12:15.180 --> 00:12:16.240
  • and then that's usually when I start going,
  • 00:12:16.260 --> 00:12:18.070
  • "Oh, I've been taking so much care of it and
  • 00:12:18.090 --> 00:12:20.030
  • "they're doing good, I guess I can
  • 00:12:20.050 --> 00:12:21.170
  • "just leave them for a little bit.
  • 00:12:21.190 --> 00:12:23.020
  • "I don't need to concentrate on it anymore,
  • 00:12:23.040 --> 00:12:24.200
  • "I don't need to take care of it as much anymore.".
  • 00:12:24.220 --> 00:12:26.030
  • And what happens in the moment I do that,
  • 00:12:26.050 --> 00:12:27.150
  • the moment I get complacent is actually when
  • 00:12:27.170 --> 00:12:28.290
  • it starts to die.
  • 00:12:29.010 --> 00:12:30.150
  • And I think relationships are just like that.
  • 00:12:30.170 --> 00:12:31.290
  • We usually get complacent when we think we're doing okay,
  • 00:12:32.010 --> 00:12:33.130
  • not always, but usually,
  • 00:12:33.150 --> 00:12:34.270
  • and that's when a lot of stuff can sneak in.
  • 00:12:34.290 --> 00:12:36.110
  • So be on guard against that.
  • 00:12:36.130 --> 00:12:38.110
  • And we also believe that if you want the
  • 00:12:38.130 --> 00:12:39.200
  • most joy filled marriage or
  • 00:12:39.220 --> 00:12:41.080
  • joy filled dating relationship on your way to marriage,
  • 00:12:41.100 --> 00:12:42.260
  • it's by not being complacent.
  • 00:12:42.280 --> 00:12:44.150
  • And so I think that's all I had.
  • 00:12:44.170 --> 00:12:46.010
  • I wanted to mention one thing in dating,
  • 00:12:46.030 --> 00:12:47.140
  • and you were gonna talk about
  • 00:12:47.160 --> 00:12:48.260
  • it in a marriage context, right?
  • 00:12:48.280 --> 00:12:50.170
  • - I was, but I was thinking, as you were talking in dating,
  • 00:12:50.190 --> 00:12:53.050
  • I think maybe complacency can happen more if
  • 00:12:53.070 --> 00:12:55.290
  • you've been together for a longer bit of time.
  • 00:12:56.010 --> 00:12:57.280
  • - Yeah, the butterflies can wear off.
  • 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:00.050
  • - And I think that's why it's so important that
  • 00:13:00.070 --> 00:13:02.110
  • in a dating relationship, really any relationship,
  • 00:13:02.130 --> 00:13:05.020
  • the foundation should be a friendship.
  • 00:13:05.040 --> 00:13:07.090
  • - Yeah, yeah, that's good way to put it.
  • 00:13:07.110 --> 00:13:08.270
  • - Because if it is just attraction-
  • 00:13:08.290 --> 00:13:10.150
  • - Yeah, if you're just making out all the time,
  • 00:13:10.170 --> 00:13:12.060
  • and then all of a sudden, you know-
  • 00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:13.150
  • (laughs)
  • 00:13:13.170 --> 00:13:14.240
  • Don't lie, I know that's you, I know. (laughs)
  • 00:13:14.260 --> 00:13:18.080
  • - That can reign, that reign?
  • 00:13:18.100 --> 00:13:19.290
  • - Yeah, if they're attraction reigns, yeah.
  • 00:13:20.010 --> 00:13:21.170
  • - It can reign and so then you can be more complacent and
  • 00:13:21.190 --> 00:13:24.120
  • like more checked out.
  • 00:13:24.140 --> 00:13:26.240
  • - That's a good point.
  • 00:13:26.260 --> 00:13:28.010
  • - More on your phone, not pursuing each other.
  • 00:13:28.030 --> 00:13:29.160
  • If it's a friendship, which is the foundation that
  • 00:13:29.180 --> 00:13:33.000
  • goes into marriage, then I think it is more like
  • 00:13:33.020 --> 00:13:35.200
  • knowing each other's heart, what you're thinking and
  • 00:13:35.220 --> 00:13:37.290
  • what you're dreaming about and really pursuing each other.
  • 00:13:38.010 --> 00:13:40.110
  • It's a lot more fun than just attraction.
  • 00:13:40.130 --> 00:13:42.170
  • - That's a really good point, yeah.
  • 00:13:42.190 --> 00:13:44.030
  • Complacency will show you what your relationship is
  • 00:13:44.050 --> 00:13:45.220
  • truly made of and it'll show you what the foundation is.
  • 00:13:45.240 --> 00:13:47.220
  • Either you were making out all the time and
  • 00:13:47.240 --> 00:13:49.140
  • you actually don't like each other,
  • 00:13:49.160 --> 00:13:50.220
  • you just like making out with each other,
  • 00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:52.020
  • or you're actually friends and
  • 00:13:52.040 --> 00:13:53.180
  • that is a great foundation for a relationship.
  • 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:55.040
  • - I, sorry. - Go ahead.
  • 00:13:55.060 --> 00:13:56.140
  • - And then in marriage, I think it's easy to be
  • 00:13:56.160 --> 00:13:58.000
  • complacent because once you start having kids,
  • 00:13:58.020 --> 00:13:59.240
  • and you get your job and your house-
  • 00:13:59.260 --> 00:14:01.170
  • - And you kind of just pass.
  • 00:14:01.190 --> 00:14:02.290
  • - You just have a lot of responsibilities and
  • 00:14:03.010 --> 00:14:04.110
  • so you're husband or wife can get more on like
  • 00:14:04.130 --> 00:14:06.180
  • not being number one anymore, they can be number five.
  • 00:14:06.200 --> 00:14:09.190
  • And I've really struggled with that and
  • 00:14:09.210 --> 00:14:12.110
  • having to fight to put Jeff first above anything else,
  • 00:14:12.130 --> 00:14:15.170
  • because we don't want a child-centered home.
  • 00:14:15.190 --> 00:14:17.050
  • We want our marriage to be-
  • 00:14:17.070 --> 00:14:18.170
  • - A marriage-centered home.
  • 00:14:18.190 --> 00:14:20.180
  • - Yeah, our marriage to be strong and firm and
  • 00:14:20.200 --> 00:14:22.110
  • that brings life and that brings security to
  • 00:14:22.130 --> 00:14:23.290
  • the kids and all that.
  • 00:14:24.010 --> 00:14:25.100
  • And so really wanting to fight for that and
  • 00:14:25.120 --> 00:14:28.240
  • to pursue him and still have that friendship deepened and
  • 00:14:30.110 --> 00:14:33.280
  • to still have that spark in our marriage,
  • 00:14:34.000 --> 00:14:36.040
  • instead of just being roommates and doing all the
  • 00:14:36.060 --> 00:14:37.210
  • things that we need to do.
  • 00:14:37.230 --> 00:14:39.080
  • I think when you first start dating or
  • 00:14:39.100 --> 00:14:41.250
  • when you're first married, you have all the puppy love,
  • 00:14:41.270 --> 00:14:44.170
  • emotions, and you're super excited.
  • 00:14:44.190 --> 00:14:46.270
  • And I think especially as a new wife,
  • 00:14:46.290 --> 00:14:48.240
  • you're really excited to serve your husband and
  • 00:14:48.260 --> 00:14:50.130
  • to be home and make the meals and
  • 00:14:50.150 --> 00:14:51.270
  • serve him in a lot of ways.
  • 00:14:51.290 --> 00:14:53.200
  • And it can be really exciting, but then after the
  • 00:14:53.220 --> 00:14:55.050
  • first year goes by or-
  • 00:14:55.070 --> 00:14:56.130
  • - [Jeff] You start having kids.
  • 00:14:56.150 --> 00:14:57.280
  • - You start having kids.
  • 00:14:58.000 --> 00:14:59.040
  • - Bills start stacking up.
  • 00:14:59.060 --> 00:15:00.170
  • - It gets kind of hard.
  • 00:15:00.190 --> 00:15:01.220
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:15:01.240 --> 00:15:02.290
  • - And I think especially with having kids,
  • 00:15:03.010 --> 00:15:04.170
  • you kind of lose track of your husband sometimes.
  • 00:15:04.190 --> 00:15:05.230
  • It can be really easy,
  • 00:15:05.250 --> 00:15:07.020
  • whether it's just you're loaded down by
  • 00:15:07.040 --> 00:15:08.170
  • the meals or the laundry or the kid's needs.
  • 00:15:08.190 --> 00:15:11.210
  • Like, kids have a whole lot of needs.
  • 00:15:11.230 --> 00:15:13.110
  • And sometimes, you kind of forget about
  • 00:15:13.130 --> 00:15:15.130
  • your husband a little bit.
  • 00:15:15.150 --> 00:15:16.240
  • And it can be really detrimental to your relationship,
  • 00:15:16.260 --> 00:15:19.000
  • where you kind of, we've struggled with this,
  • 00:15:19.020 --> 00:15:21.160
  • where you sometimes feel a little like,
  • 00:15:21.180 --> 00:15:23.070
  • I'm not thinking of you, you feel left out.
  • 00:15:23.090 --> 00:15:25.010
  • - We're just ships in the night.
  • 00:15:25.030 --> 00:15:26.200
  • We go to bed, we wake up. - We're like roommates.
  • 00:15:26.220 --> 00:15:28.000
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:15:28.020 --> 00:15:29.050
  • - And so it's interesting,
  • 00:15:29.070 --> 00:15:30.260
  • it's just all the little things.
  • 00:15:30.280 --> 00:15:32.160
  • And I think the main thing is thinking of
  • 00:15:32.180 --> 00:15:34.200
  • your spouse first, thinking about what he likes,
  • 00:15:34.220 --> 00:15:37.160
  • what he needs, how can you serve him?
  • 00:15:37.180 --> 00:15:39.260
  • And it can be so, so simple.
  • 00:15:39.280 --> 00:15:42.130
  • Like, I remember right after we had our son and
  • 00:15:42.150 --> 00:15:44.170
  • I wanted to serve you in some way to know that
  • 00:15:44.190 --> 00:15:47.070
  • you are important to me and so I wrote on the
  • 00:15:47.090 --> 00:15:50.020
  • bathroom mirror-
  • 00:15:50.040 --> 00:15:51.270
  • - [Jeff] Yeah, with a dry erase marker.
  • 00:15:51.290 --> 00:15:53.210
  • - Yeah, 10 little things that I was really thankful for
  • 00:15:53.230 --> 00:15:55.180
  • that I saw in you.
  • 00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:56.250
  • And I made a total difference.
  • 00:15:56.270 --> 00:15:58.160
  • Not only did it encourage you,
  • 00:15:58.180 --> 00:16:00.030
  • but I felt like for me it was like,
  • 00:16:00.050 --> 00:16:01.230
  • "Oh yeah, the reason why we have kids is because
  • 00:16:01.250 --> 00:16:04.090
  • "we love each other.".
  • 00:16:04.110 --> 00:16:05.150
  • - Yeah exactly.
  • 00:16:05.170 --> 00:16:07.030
  • They're a symbol, icon of our love and our marriage, yes.
  • 00:16:07.050 --> 00:16:08.090
  • - That's right, it starts with us.
  • 00:16:08.110 --> 00:16:11.030
  • And so not getting complacent, which you know,
  • 00:16:11.050 --> 00:16:13.060
  • there's rhythms and sometimes you get complacent, totally.
  • 00:16:13.080 --> 00:16:15.040
  • Whether you're tired or it's a season,
  • 00:16:15.060 --> 00:16:17.280
  • but just thinking of what little ways you can serve them and
  • 00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:21.200
  • show them that you really care and
  • 00:16:21.220 --> 00:16:23.110
  • that you really love them.
  • 00:16:23.130 --> 00:16:24.260
  • - Yeah, and I think to your point, too,
  • 00:16:24.280 --> 00:16:26.090
  • sometimes I think we overdo it and say it's gotta be
  • 00:16:26.110 --> 00:16:29.050
  • some huge, big thing, to fight against complacency.
  • 00:16:29.070 --> 00:16:31.290
  • But what you wrote on the
  • 00:16:32.010 --> 00:16:33.160
  • mirror probably took two minutes, you know?
  • 00:16:33.180 --> 00:16:36.240
  • - That was like with a baby on my hip and
  • 00:16:36.260 --> 00:16:38.130
  • a toddler on the bathroom sink.
  • 00:16:38.150 --> 00:16:40.040
  • - Exactly, and be okay with it being small,
  • 00:16:40.060 --> 00:16:41.260
  • because those are sometimes even bigger than you think.
  • 00:16:41.280 --> 00:16:44.070
  • And then another thing I wanna say is it's not just
  • 00:16:44.090 --> 00:16:46.210
  • necessarily you can get complacent when you're tired,
  • 00:16:46.230 --> 00:16:48.220
  • but I think we also get really complacent when things are
  • 00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:50.270
  • going really well, when things are going really good.
  • 00:16:50.290 --> 00:16:53.040
  • And so the example I think of, which you know this,
  • 00:16:53.060 --> 00:16:55.180
  • is again, I love gardening, I've talked about this before.
  • 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:58.070
  • I got all the supplies, I got the garden box,
  • 00:16:58.090 --> 00:17:00.140
  • I got the soil, I the seed, I got new hoses,
  • 00:17:00.160 --> 00:17:02.120
  • and all this stuff.
  • 00:17:02.140 --> 00:17:04.020
  • And I started gardening really good and
  • 00:17:04.040 --> 00:17:06.070
  • really faithful every single day.
  • 00:17:06.090 --> 00:17:07.250
  • I'd water it, I'd make sure it was okay.
  • 00:17:07.270 --> 00:17:09.170
  • - I was really impressed.
  • 00:17:09.190 --> 00:17:11.100
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:17:11.120 --> 00:17:12.280
  • - And then once I actually kind of started seeing the
  • 00:17:13.000 --> 00:17:14.110
  • fruit, so for example, I think we had basil,
  • 00:17:14.130 --> 00:17:15.210
  • and I would get that and make pesto.
  • 00:17:15.230 --> 00:17:17.060
  • We had tomatoes, I'd put that in some of
  • 00:17:17.080 --> 00:17:18.160
  • our lunches and salads.
  • 00:17:18.180 --> 00:17:19.250
  • Once I started bearing a lot of fruit,
  • 00:17:19.270 --> 00:17:21.070
  • I noticed I got a lot lazier,
  • 00:17:21.090 --> 00:17:23.020
  • I didn't water it every single day as much,
  • 00:17:23.040 --> 00:17:25.000
  • I didn't take care of it every single day as much.
  • 00:17:25.020 --> 00:17:27.020
  • That's because, for me, I was putting in the hard work,
  • 00:17:27.040 --> 00:17:29.140
  • and then once I started receiving from that,
  • 00:17:29.160 --> 00:17:31.280
  • or once I started getting the result I wanted, I stopped.
  • 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:35.130
  • When in reality, the reason I got that result is
  • 00:17:35.150 --> 00:17:37.210
  • because of the faithfulness and because of the
  • 00:17:37.230 --> 00:17:40.040
  • daily watering and the daily faithfulness.
  • 00:17:40.060 --> 00:17:42.240
  • - So it's just the really small things.
  • 00:17:42.260 --> 00:17:44.130
  • - Exactly, and that is like watering and elements,
  • 00:17:44.150 --> 00:17:46.080
  • and all these things.
  • 00:17:46.100 --> 00:17:47.250
  • So that's one thing I want to encourage you guys out there
  • 00:17:47.270 --> 00:17:48.290
  • with, is when it's going really well for you,
  • 00:17:49.010 --> 00:17:52.170
  • don't get complacent.
  • 00:17:52.190 --> 00:17:54.090
  • We're talking about rhythms today,
  • 00:17:54.110 --> 00:17:56.000
  • that's the best way not to get complacent.
  • 00:17:56.020 --> 00:17:57.220
  • If you know you've gotta do something tomorrow or
  • 00:17:57.240 --> 00:17:59.240
  • you have to take a date night or
  • 00:17:59.260 --> 00:18:01.200
  • you're gonna take a sabbath,
  • 00:18:01.220 --> 00:18:03.070
  • or someone's big tradition is next,
  • 00:18:03.090 --> 00:18:04.220
  • that's a way to not get complacent,
  • 00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:06.070
  • because those rhythms are just
  • 00:18:06.090 --> 00:18:08.000
  • natural markers throughout the week-
  • 00:18:08.020 --> 00:18:09.070
  • - Right. - Throughout the month.
  • 00:18:09.090 --> 00:18:10.230
  • So we love rhythms, we are big believers in rhythms.
  • 00:18:10.250 --> 00:18:13.160
  • Make those rhythms, have those conversations,
  • 00:18:13.180 --> 00:18:16.170
  • and be faithful.
  • 00:18:16.190 --> 00:18:18.120
  • And complacency, in my opinion, when you do that,
  • 00:18:18.140 --> 00:18:20.140
  • will fall by the wayside.
  • 00:18:20.160 --> 00:18:22.160
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:18:22.180 --> 00:18:25.050
  • We are so excited for our new book, Love That Lasts,
  • 00:18:26.220 --> 00:18:29.030
  • because it is a book with our story, about our story,
  • 00:18:29.050 --> 00:18:31.200
  • primarily on why God's heart and vision for
  • 00:18:31.220 --> 00:18:34.250
  • sexuality, marriage, and love is better than ours.
  • 00:18:34.270 --> 00:18:38.130
  • These are books that we wrote, that came from our story.
  • 00:18:38.150 --> 00:18:40.240
  • Two of them are guide books, so they have exercises and
  • 00:18:40.260 --> 00:18:42.260
  • kind of fill in the blanks.
  • 00:18:42.280 --> 00:18:44.080
  • - [Alyssa] A him and a her.
  • 00:18:44.100 --> 00:18:45.160
  • - [Jeff] Yeah, things of that nature.
  • 00:18:45.180 --> 00:18:46.250
  • And then a main book that's our story,
  • 00:18:46.270 --> 00:18:48.090
  • it's our journey of dating, breaking up,
  • 00:18:48.110 --> 00:18:49.260
  • getting engaged, getting married, having kids.
  • 00:18:49.280 --> 00:18:52.080
  • - [Alyssa] And then the workbooks are
  • 00:18:52.100 --> 00:18:53.240
  • just things we've learned on the 12 main topics of marriage.
  • 00:18:53.260 --> 00:18:55.270
  • Communication, conflict, and the mentors that have
  • 00:18:55.290 --> 00:18:58.160
  • poured into us and given us so much wisdom on those topics.
  • 00:18:58.180 --> 00:19:01.120
  • - [Narrator] If you appreciate programs like this,
  • 00:19:01.140 --> 00:19:03.210
  • we hope you'll help TBN keep them coming to
  • 00:19:03.230 --> 00:19:06.020
  • you by sharing a gift of support.
  • 00:19:06.040 --> 00:19:07.270
  • As you do, we'll say thank you by sending you their
  • 00:19:07.290 --> 00:19:10.000
  • eye-opening new book, Love That Lasts.
  • 00:19:10.020 --> 00:19:12.210
  • And with a gift of $70 or more,
  • 00:19:12.230 --> 00:19:15.040
  • we'll also include the his and hers interactive workbooks.
  • 00:19:15.060 --> 00:19:18.280
  • Call or click now to share a gift and request yours,
  • 00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:21.290
  • and start building a love that lasts.
  • 00:19:22.010 --> 00:19:25.200
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:19:25.220 --> 00:19:28.080
  • - Now we're at the segment in the show where
  • 00:19:36.020 --> 00:19:37.170
  • we give the tip of the week, I love this part.
  • 00:19:37.190 --> 00:19:39.160
  • - Yes.
  • 00:19:39.180 --> 00:19:41.020
  • - So for you ladies out there, and I think this one episode,
  • 00:19:41.040 --> 00:19:43.020
  • I really want to speak to all the moms out there.
  • 00:19:43.040 --> 00:19:45.030
  • - Older, younger, you've got toddlers, you've got teenagers.
  • 00:19:45.050 --> 00:19:48.050
  • - (laughs) Yep.
  • 00:19:48.070 --> 00:19:49.220
  • As we're talking about rhythms and what gives you life and
  • 00:19:49.240 --> 00:19:52.150
  • what gives you joy within your family,
  • 00:19:52.170 --> 00:19:54.180
  • I think for moms too I'm realizing,
  • 00:19:54.200 --> 00:19:56.190
  • developing a rhythm in your own life and having self-care.
  • 00:19:56.210 --> 00:20:00.290
  • And sometimes, self-care, we don't want to talk about
  • 00:20:01.010 --> 00:20:03.140
  • that in the Christian culture, because it's selfish or
  • 00:20:03.160 --> 00:20:05.110
  • you want to give yourself and as a mom,
  • 00:20:05.130 --> 00:20:08.000
  • you're always, constantly giving yourself and
  • 00:20:08.020 --> 00:20:10.050
  • pouring yourself out.
  • 00:20:10.070 --> 00:20:11.220
  • But as a newer mom, I'm really learning that
  • 00:20:11.240 --> 00:20:14.100
  • if I am filling myself up, doing things that care for
  • 00:20:14.120 --> 00:20:17.210
  • myself, that fill me up, then I can
  • 00:20:17.230 --> 00:20:21.050
  • pour myself out better and I can be a better mom.
  • 00:20:21.070 --> 00:20:23.100
  • So I think a rhythm, not only rhythm in a family,
  • 00:20:23.120 --> 00:20:26.020
  • but rhythm in your own life.
  • 00:20:26.040 --> 00:20:28.070
  • What gives you joy, what gives you energy?
  • 00:20:28.090 --> 00:20:30.180
  • What refuels you?
  • 00:20:30.200 --> 00:20:32.110
  • Because you can't just constantly spend yourself.
  • 00:20:32.130 --> 00:20:35.020
  • And so for me, I love spending time in
  • 00:20:35.040 --> 00:20:38.090
  • God's word every morning with my coffee.
  • 00:20:38.110 --> 00:20:40.070
  • And not that I get to every morning at all,
  • 00:20:40.090 --> 00:20:42.130
  • especially with babies waking up really early.
  • 00:20:42.150 --> 00:20:44.180
  • And then also I love going for walks,
  • 00:20:44.200 --> 00:20:46.130
  • that's kind of when I process things,
  • 00:20:46.150 --> 00:20:48.040
  • that's when I talk to the Lord.
  • 00:20:48.060 --> 00:20:50.080
  • And it's not everyday, but if I can get it in two to three-
  • 00:20:50.100 --> 00:20:52.000
  • - It's rhythmic.
  • 00:20:52.020 --> 00:20:53.110
  • - It's rhythmic.
  • 00:20:53.130 --> 00:20:54.220
  • If I can get it in two or three times a week,
  • 00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:56.050
  • it really gives me a lot of joy.
  • 00:20:56.070 --> 00:20:57.180
  • And then also I've found reading before bed.
  • 00:20:57.200 --> 00:21:00.090
  • If I can shut off my phone and not be on TV,
  • 00:21:00.110 --> 00:21:03.180
  • not that those things are bad at all,
  • 00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:05.220
  • but it's just having that time to just kind of
  • 00:21:05.240 --> 00:21:07.270
  • relax my mind and think and enjoy.
  • 00:21:07.290 --> 00:21:09.230
  • I really like fiction books,
  • 00:21:09.250 --> 00:21:11.200
  • so enjoying a book that just is really fun and
  • 00:21:11.220 --> 00:21:13.160
  • lighthearted, those are things that
  • 00:21:13.180 --> 00:21:15.130
  • give me life, and that I can kind of refresh myself,
  • 00:21:15.150 --> 00:21:18.250
  • so that I can pour myself out better.
  • 00:21:18.270 --> 00:21:20.270
  • And another side note, another big tip for the week is
  • 00:21:20.290 --> 00:21:24.090
  • that if your husband-
  • 00:21:24.110 --> 00:21:26.050
  • - [Jeff] We're giving the bonus tip?
  • 00:21:26.070 --> 00:21:27.130
  • - You're getting the bonus, bonus tips.
  • 00:21:27.150 --> 00:21:28.110
  • - [Jeff] Two tips.
  • 00:21:28.130 --> 00:21:29.280
  • - So if your husband comes to you with an idea or
  • 00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:32.020
  • a vision or a rhythm he wants to implement in the family,
  • 00:21:32.040 --> 00:21:34.170
  • I think supporting him in it and being excited that
  • 00:21:34.190 --> 00:21:38.130
  • he is leading in this way, that he has a vision,
  • 00:21:38.150 --> 00:21:40.240
  • and just jumping right in and going with it.
  • 00:21:40.260 --> 00:21:44.170
  • And really applauding him for, "Wow, thanks for wanting to
  • 00:21:44.190 --> 00:21:48.010
  • "develop this rhythm in our family.".
  • 00:21:48.030 --> 00:21:50.090
  • I think it shows him, it encourages him as a leader,
  • 00:21:50.110 --> 00:21:52.260
  • and it shows that you believe in him and
  • 00:21:52.280 --> 00:21:55.040
  • that you are his biggest cheerleader.
  • 00:21:55.060 --> 00:21:57.030
  • So those are my big things for this week.
  • 00:21:57.050 --> 00:21:59.020
  • - Those are good.
  • 00:21:59.040 --> 00:22:00.080
  • And guys, I have a tip for you.
  • 00:22:00.100 --> 00:22:01.260
  • It's funny because I'm starting to realize this is
  • 00:22:01.280 --> 00:22:03.150
  • almost my tip every single week, but it's taking initiative,
  • 00:22:03.170 --> 00:22:06.290
  • but in this particular topic, what does that look like?
  • 00:22:07.010 --> 00:22:09.090
  • And so take initiative, lead, what does that look like?
  • 00:22:09.110 --> 00:22:12.070
  • Again, so we tossed out some ideas.
  • 00:22:12.090 --> 00:22:13.270
  • There's more than this, but you got a sabbath,
  • 00:22:13.290 --> 00:22:15.270
  • you've got date night, you've got traditions.
  • 00:22:15.290 --> 00:22:17.170
  • Lead with that.
  • 00:22:17.190 --> 00:22:19.050
  • Again, take some time, don't be reactive, be proactive.
  • 00:22:19.070 --> 00:22:22.170
  • Wake up before the kids, wake up before your wife,
  • 00:22:22.190 --> 00:22:24.080
  • spend 30 minutes and say,
  • 00:22:24.100 --> 00:22:25.280
  • "What are some really fun things I can
  • 00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:27.220
  • "institute in our family or
  • 00:22:27.240 --> 00:22:29.100
  • "in our marriage, rhythmically,
  • 00:22:29.120 --> 00:22:31.030
  • "that will breathe life into our relationship?".
  • 00:22:31.050 --> 00:22:33.040
  • I think back to the sabbath one, specifically,
  • 00:22:33.060 --> 00:22:34.280
  • with some mentors of ours.
  • 00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:36.160
  • The way that he did that and the way that he led is
  • 00:22:36.180 --> 00:22:38.050
  • he had some really creative ways to do that.
  • 00:22:38.070 --> 00:22:39.280
  • So they take one day off a week, they celebrate, they party,
  • 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:42.050
  • they eat a good meal.
  • 00:22:42.070 --> 00:22:43.210
  • But he had some really particular things with that,
  • 00:22:43.230 --> 00:22:45.180
  • because of his creativity where he made sure he
  • 00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:47.160
  • went to a candle store, because he likes lighting the
  • 00:22:47.180 --> 00:22:50.000
  • candle during sabbath to signify that,
  • 00:22:50.020 --> 00:22:51.220
  • and he said, "Hey, what's the one scent that
  • 00:22:51.240 --> 00:22:53.280
  • "you have never discontinued?
  • 00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:55.220
  • "Basically since you opened,
  • 00:22:55.240 --> 00:22:57.070
  • "what's the scent you've never not had?".
  • 00:22:57.090 --> 00:22:59.180
  • And they said it, and I don't know if
  • 00:22:59.200 --> 00:23:01.050
  • he even thought it smelled amazing, but he got it.
  • 00:23:01.070 --> 00:23:03.050
  • Because, he said, he goes, "I want to be intentional,
  • 00:23:03.070 --> 00:23:05.090
  • "and I wanted that smell to be the smell of sabbath for
  • 00:23:05.110 --> 00:23:08.040
  • "our kids and our family forever,
  • 00:23:08.060 --> 00:23:09.250
  • "and that would have given us the best shot to
  • 00:23:09.270 --> 00:23:11.170
  • "keep the same scent all the way throughout.".
  • 00:23:11.190 --> 00:23:14.170
  • I think of another guy friend of
  • 00:23:14.190 --> 00:23:16.020
  • mine in regards to date night.
  • 00:23:16.040 --> 00:23:17.190
  • They write down a journal and they ask each other these
  • 00:23:17.210 --> 00:23:19.030
  • questions every single week,
  • 00:23:19.050 --> 00:23:21.040
  • about taking the pulse of their marriage.
  • 00:23:21.060 --> 00:23:23.130
  • I think about us.
  • 00:23:23.150 --> 00:23:24.230
  • One thing fun we do on date night is
  • 00:23:24.250 --> 00:23:26.000
  • we've made a bucket list,
  • 00:23:26.020 --> 00:23:27.100
  • where we just spend one date saying,
  • 00:23:27.120 --> 00:23:29.190
  • "What are the things we want to do this year?".
  • 00:23:29.210 --> 00:23:31.090
  • Fun stuff, we want to cook a meal together,
  • 00:23:31.110 --> 00:23:32.260
  • we want to bungee jump, that wasn't on there,
  • 00:23:32.280 --> 00:23:35.070
  • because I don't want to bungee jump.
  • 00:23:35.090 --> 00:23:36.200
  • - That was definitely not on there.
  • 00:23:36.220 --> 00:23:38.040
  • - We want to go swim with the whales or whatever it is.
  • 00:23:38.060 --> 00:23:39.200
  • - Swim with whales?
  • 00:23:39.220 --> 00:23:40.240
  • - I'd love that, right?
  • 00:23:40.260 --> 00:23:41.280
  • I'm making things up. - And die.
  • 00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:43.170
  • - Because we've done a lot on our
  • 00:23:43.190 --> 00:23:44.220
  • bucket list already for the year.
  • 00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:46.120
  • But what I'm saying with that is, we made a bucket list,
  • 00:23:46.140 --> 00:23:48.140
  • and then a fun thing we do is when we go do that
  • 00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:50.140
  • bucket list, we have a Polaroid camera, super retro, right?
  • 00:23:50.160 --> 00:23:54.120
  • Remember, parents out there, when that was actually the
  • 00:23:54.140 --> 00:23:56.120
  • really cutting edge technology?
  • 00:23:56.140 --> 00:23:58.000
  • And we take a picture of ourselves doing that
  • 00:23:58.020 --> 00:23:59.220
  • bucket list item, and we put those in a journal and
  • 00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:02.010
  • we put those in a notebook.
  • 00:24:02.030 --> 00:24:03.180
  • And how fun will that be to look back on those traditions,
  • 00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:05.070
  • to look back on those things,
  • 00:24:05.090 --> 00:24:06.260
  • and look back on that bucket list.
  • 00:24:06.280 --> 00:24:08.240
  • And that comes down to rhythm, it comes down to initiative.
  • 00:24:08.260 --> 00:24:11.210
  • So guys, take initiative, lead,
  • 00:24:11.230 --> 00:24:13.170
  • be okay trying to be creative, be fun.
  • 00:24:13.190 --> 00:24:17.120
  • And again, don't forget to ask your wife,
  • 00:24:17.140 --> 00:24:19.100
  • because you don't want to think of
  • 00:24:19.120 --> 00:24:20.250
  • things that she actually hates.
  • 00:24:20.270 --> 00:24:22.120
  • So feel free to say, "Hey, what would fill you up?
  • 00:24:22.140 --> 00:24:23.190
  • "What would you enjoy, what would you like?
  • 00:24:23.210 --> 00:24:26.130
  • "What do you think the kids would like?".
  • 00:24:26.150 --> 00:24:28.080
  • And then get creative, think of things, come back to her,
  • 00:24:28.100 --> 00:24:30.040
  • and say, "I've got a plan, I want to do this.".
  • 00:24:30.060 --> 00:24:33.010
  • - And I think we mentioned it in another episode maybe,
  • 00:24:33.030 --> 00:24:36.040
  • if you have older kids, our friends,
  • 00:24:36.060 --> 00:24:38.160
  • once a year they kind of do a family summit.
  • 00:24:38.180 --> 00:24:40.160
  • So they'll go to a cabin or a hotel with the whole family.
  • 00:24:40.180 --> 00:24:43.130
  • - [Jeff] Recap the year.
  • 00:24:43.150 --> 00:24:45.130
  • - [Alyssa] Recap the year, ask them their highs and lows.
  • 00:24:45.150 --> 00:24:47.060
  • - [Jeff] Set goals.
  • 00:24:47.080 --> 00:24:48.230
  • - [Alyssa] And then their goals for the next year.
  • 00:24:48.250 --> 00:24:50.090
  • Which I think is super cool when you have older kids and
  • 00:24:50.110 --> 00:24:51.170
  • you want to include them in family rhythms.
  • 00:24:51.190 --> 00:24:53.040
  • - Totally, totally.
  • 00:24:53.060 --> 00:24:54.130
  • So make it appropriate to your way of life,
  • 00:24:54.150 --> 00:24:55.270
  • to your marriage, to your kids, and all of that.
  • 00:24:55.290 --> 00:24:57.110
  • - Be creative, and it's okay if it doesn't work out,
  • 00:24:57.130 --> 00:24:59.020
  • just keep working through it.
  • 00:24:59.040 --> 00:25:00.110
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:25:00.130 --> 00:25:01.270
  • - In closing, I mean, I think a lot of people maybe just
  • 00:25:01.290 --> 00:25:03.170
  • want some wisdom on this.
  • 00:25:03.190 --> 00:25:05.000
  • They're hearing this and saying, "How?
  • 00:25:05.020 --> 00:25:06.110
  • "How or why?".
  • 00:25:06.130 --> 00:25:07.180
  • - This is new.
  • 00:25:07.200 --> 00:25:08.210
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:25:08.230 --> 00:25:10.010
  • And so maybe just pray for them or offer that
  • 00:25:10.030 --> 00:25:11.090
  • guidance to say, "Hey, take it to the spirit,
  • 00:25:11.110 --> 00:25:12.240
  • "take it to the Lord, and he gives you those things.".
  • 00:25:12.260 --> 00:25:13.250
  • - Okay, so let's pray.
  • 00:25:13.270 --> 00:25:15.060
  • God, thank you that you are a good God,
  • 00:25:15.080 --> 00:25:16.270
  • that you are creative, that you have set within us and
  • 00:25:16.290 --> 00:25:20.020
  • within the world rhythms and seasons,
  • 00:25:20.040 --> 00:25:22.080
  • and just like Ecclesiastes talks about, God.
  • 00:25:22.100 --> 00:25:25.020
  • And I pray that you would give these families and
  • 00:25:25.040 --> 00:25:27.230
  • these couples and these men wisdom, Lord,
  • 00:25:27.250 --> 00:25:30.010
  • of rhythms to instill in their family,
  • 00:25:30.030 --> 00:25:32.000
  • of what gives them life, what gives them joy,
  • 00:25:32.020 --> 00:25:34.080
  • what fills them up, what refuels them.
  • 00:25:34.100 --> 00:25:36.070
  • What are creative things to pass down to their kids that
  • 00:25:36.090 --> 00:25:38.280
  • they can pass down to their kids and their kids and
  • 00:25:39.000 --> 00:25:40.220
  • be like, "Oh, this is a smith thing that we do.",
  • 00:25:40.240 --> 00:25:43.040
  • and it's super fun?
  • 00:25:43.060 --> 00:25:44.240
  • God, I just pray that you would give them wisdom in this.
  • 00:25:44.260 --> 00:25:48.000
  • Thank you that you are for our joy and for life,
  • 00:25:48.020 --> 00:25:51.180
  • and we love you so much.
  • 00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:53.100
  • In Jesus' name, amen.
  • 00:25:53.120 --> 00:25:54.250
  • - Amen, amen.
  • 00:25:54.270 --> 00:25:56.040
  • So we just want to close this out,
  • 00:25:56.060 --> 00:25:57.190
  • but I thought of again, one fun, creative example.
  • 00:25:57.210 --> 00:25:59.080
  • Again, our friends of ours, they have this rhythm and
  • 00:25:59.100 --> 00:26:01.100
  • this tradition where every time they go out to eat,
  • 00:26:01.120 --> 00:26:03.180
  • the kids are allowed to guess the check,
  • 00:26:03.200 --> 00:26:06.240
  • meaning like- - Like down to the cent.
  • 00:26:06.260 --> 00:26:08.200
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:26:08.220 --> 00:26:10.000
  • The parent will hold the receipt and say,
  • 00:26:10.020 --> 00:26:11.080
  • "Kids, guess.".
  • 00:26:11.100 --> 00:26:12.230
  • They have to guess the exact total, and if they do,
  • 00:26:12.250 --> 00:26:14.290
  • they get kind of however much money is left in the bank,
  • 00:26:15.010 --> 00:26:17.140
  • and it goes up $100 per year until someone guesses it.
  • 00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:20.150
  • So I think the kids have never guessed it,
  • 00:26:20.170 --> 00:26:22.130
  • so it's upwards of like $800, $900, whatever.
  • 00:26:22.150 --> 00:26:24.100
  • And if the kids guess it, sooner or later,
  • 00:26:24.120 --> 00:26:26.100
  • to the exact cent, they get that money.
  • 00:26:26.120 --> 00:26:28.050
  • It's fun, it's awesome, and then the
  • 00:26:28.070 --> 00:26:29.230
  • tradition restarts back to zero and they can keep guessing.
  • 00:26:29.250 --> 00:26:32.130
  • So we love you guys.
  • 00:26:32.150 --> 00:26:33.270
  • Make sure to say 'Hi' to us on social media.
  • 00:26:33.290 --> 00:26:35.230
  • We love making this a conversation and a two-way street,
  • 00:26:35.250 --> 00:26:38.040
  • so we'll so you guys next week.
  • 00:26:38.060 --> 00:26:40.150
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:26:40.170 --> 00:26:43.040
  • Coming up next week, we are talking about conflict.
  • 00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:48.220
  • - My favorite subject.
  • 00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:50.060
  • - That's right, everyone's favorite subject.
  • 00:26:50.080 --> 00:26:51.200
  • But it is one of those things that we like to avoid.
  • 00:26:51.220 --> 00:26:53.220
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:26:53.240 --> 00:26:54.270
  • - If you really center in on it,
  • 00:26:54.290 --> 00:26:56.150
  • it can bring huge benefits to your relationship if
  • 00:26:56.170 --> 00:26:59.010
  • you really walk through how to do it well.
  • 00:26:59.030 --> 00:27:01.110
  • So tune in.
  • 00:27:01.130 --> 00:27:02.200
  • We also have some special guests. Who?
  • 00:27:02.220 --> 00:27:04.060
  • - [Alyssa] We'll be having Chip and Joanna Gaines,
  • 00:27:04.080 --> 00:27:05.070
  • two of my favorite people,
  • 00:27:05.090 --> 00:27:06.180
  • talk about how they have worked together.
  • 00:27:06.200 --> 00:27:08.030
  • - [Jeff] Yeah, so you guys next week.
  • 00:27:08.050 --> 00:27:10.180
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:13.140
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:27:13.160 --> 00:27:16.030
  • - One of our favorite things is connecting with
  • 00:27:18.090 --> 00:27:19.210
  • you on social media.
  • 00:27:19.230 --> 00:27:21.090
  • We have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter,
  • 00:27:21.110 --> 00:27:23.020
  • we love hearing from you.
  • 00:27:23.040 --> 00:27:25.040
  • - [Jeff] So we can't wait to do Live with you guys.
  • 00:27:25.060 --> 00:27:26.190
  • Come say 'Hi'.
  • 00:27:26.210 --> 00:27:27.280