Faith | TBN

Faith

Watch Faith
December 5, 2017
27:31

Doing Life with Jefferson & Alyssa Bethke

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Faith

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  • We came, we saw, and we conquered
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  • Felt the world beneath our feet
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  • It was hopes, it was dreams, but above everything
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  • It was you, right here with e
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  • - Welcome you guys to Doing Life.
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  • We are so excited for you to join us today.
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  • We will be talking about faith,
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  • which I think is so important in a relationship
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  • because having the shared values, the same beliefs
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  • is really important because then you're on the same page.
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  • When you don't have that, it can be real tricky,
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  • there can be a lot of conflict, especially if
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  • maybe one believes that and the other doesn't,
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  • and then leading and all of that.
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  • - Well you guys can both love football,
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  • or you can both love cooking, or whatever,
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  • and there's the priority list,
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  • and at the top of the priority list
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  • I would say is shared faith,
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  • meaning the similar beliefs about who Jesus is,
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  • what he asks of our lives.
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  • - Well, especially because as a believer
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  • that's the most important thing in our lives.
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  • And so you want to be joined with another person
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  • who believes the same things, and so,
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  • why don't you tell us a little bit more about faith,
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  • and why you think it's so important.
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  • - Yeah, well I think exactly what you said,
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  • there's a priority list in every marriage, right?
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  • And we like to call that in society, compatibility, right?
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  • And I think a lot of times we buy the lie
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  • that we must be overly compatible with each other
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  • or else the relationship won't succeed, right?
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  • And I think we make it too trivial.
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  • Like, does he like to do x, y, and z?
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  • And is he this type of personality,
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  • or is he not this type of personality?
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  • - INJF doesn't match with mine.
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  • - Yeah exactly with the enneagrams and the strength finders,
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  • now we actually do believe in those things,
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  • love those things,
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  • but that's not at the top of the priority list.
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  • That's not what defines the relationship.
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  • And again, when you get to kind of climb that
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  • ladder of priorities, I think faith is deeply important.
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  • Because here's the thing, if you do love Jesus,
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  • which, if you're watching, you might love Jesus,
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  • you might not, but if you do,
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  • then that's the central thing about you.
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  • The Bible says if you're a follower of Jesus,
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  • then your identity is not the fact that you're
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  • a doctor, or a lawyer, or you play a sport,
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  • or you have these type of grades at school,
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  • or whatever it is.
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  • Your identity is that you're a follower of Jesus,
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  • which means the central thing about you
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  • that identifies you, is your faith, according to scripture.
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  • And so you have to be on the same
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  • wavelength with your spouse in regards to that,
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  • and like you said, if you disagree on big faith issues,
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  • that's much bigger than disagreeing
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  • on what favorite football team you have,
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  • or something like that.
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  • So, but what would you add to that?
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  • - And I think it's so important when you're dating
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  • to find someone that doesn't just go to church,
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  • but who actually really loves Jesus.
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  • I think a lot of Christian girls get into that like,
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  • oh he goes to church every Thursday.
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  • I want to marry him.
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  • - Yeah, the best way I've heard it put is
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  • don't just look for good Christian boys,
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  • but find actually people and men who love Jesus.
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  • - Right, are they reading the word, do they pray,
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  • do they bring up spiritual topics to talk about,
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  • because when you get married and he leads you,
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  • you want someone that will lead you
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  • in those things that you're not leading,
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  • and trying to push him to do those things.
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  • - Totally, and I know maybe there's not
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  • a ton of people watching who are dating or engaged.
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  • I know we maybe have some people who are older,
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  • married for a long time or whatever.
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  • But just for the few that maybe are dating or engaged,
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  • I want to add this one thought to you,
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  • especially in regards to faith.
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  • The best thing I've ever heard is,
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  • before you make that promise for life,
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  • ask yourself, especially women, ask yourself
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  • what would you feel if your husband, or if your sons
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  • turned out to be like your husband?
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  • Is that a good thought?
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  • Meaning like if that makes you cringe
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  • to have little mini-mes of your husband--
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  • - You mean the boyfriend?
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  • - Yeah, or the boyfriend, but if he turns into your husband
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  • then that probably isn't the best relationship.
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  • And I think a lot of that centers on,
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  • does he really follow Jesus, or does he just play a game?
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  • We want to toss to a video real quick.
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  • This is Does God Really Love You?
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  • Because I think central to faith
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  • is understanding the narrative of the Christian story,
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  • which is that before you did anything, God loved you.
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  • Take a look.
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  • Imagine if, when you were born,
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  • you had to earn your parents' love.
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  • If you eat well, if you sleep well,
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  • if you don't cause trouble, then you get their love.
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  • But if you cry, or if you make a mess,
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  • or if you keep your parents up all night,
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  • then they withhold their love for you until you get better.
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  • That's crazy, right?
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  • I mean, any parent that operated that way
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  • would be seen as a monster.
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  • But the thing is, it's not that crazy.
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  • We might not believe this about our parents,
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  • but it's how we believe the world actually works.
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  • We have to perform in school,
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  • or our life won't amount to anything.
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  • We have to be cool for people to like us.
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  • And we have to pour ourselves into our jobs
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  • to prove our worth to ourselves.
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  • And we hear these messages from so early on.
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  • So it totally makes sense that we think
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  • this is how God works, too.
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  • It makes sense that God would only like you
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  • if you do this.
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  • Or God will only listen, if you do this.
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  • Or God will only bring you success if you do this.
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  • If we're good, if we do all the right things,
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  • and don't do the wrong things, if, then God will love us.
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  • This might be the way the world works,
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  • but it's not the way God works.
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  • See God doesn't love you "if",
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  • it's actually that God loves you "so".
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  • God loves you, and adopted you
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  • into his family through Jesus,
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  • so you never have to earn anything from him.
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  • You have the freedom to work, not to earn approval,
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  • but because work is just inherently good and purposeful.
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  • See, God loves you and created you
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  • so you never have to worry about
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  • where your worth comes from.
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  • You can engage in family and friendships and romance,
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  • not to fill a hole, but just because
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  • relationships make life better.
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  • See God loves you, and he sent his son Jesus
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  • to die on the cross, to rescue you from sin and death
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  • so that you never have to try to save yourself.
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  • You don't have to strive to be good,
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  • because Jesus makes you good.
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  • I love that video, and especially in regards to that
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  • imagery of kind of a parent and a kid.
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  • And that's the best question we can ask ourself
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  • is does God really love us?
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  • Because here's the truth of the matter.
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  • If you don't believe God truly loves you for who you are,
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  • then a lot of times--
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  • - And in spite of all you've done.
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  • - In spite of all you've done,
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  • in spite of all your frailties, all your shortcomings,
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  • then what happens is you bleed that out then to your spouse.
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  • - Totally.
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  • - So whatever you believe about God
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  • is usually what you, in turn, live out with your spouse.
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  • I think of a sponge, right?
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  • Like whatever the sponge soaks up,
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  • then when there's actually like a hard time
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  • and the sponge gets squeezed,
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  • the same thing that got put in, is what comes out.
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  • And so if you think God doesn't like you,
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  • if you think God is just begrudgingly maybe
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  • saying he's okay with you, but you're not that awesome,
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  • or whatever, that he doesn't love you.
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  • - Or he's performance-based.
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  • - Or you have to earn his approval.
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  • - Yeah.
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  • - Then you're going to play that our in your marriage.
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  • But what would you say?
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  • Talk about faith, in a marriage,
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  • and does God really love you?
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  • - Yeah well I think, going along with that idea,
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  • I think as a woman sometimes there's a lot of wives I know
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  • who are more maybe spiritually, love the Lord a little more.
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  • - Yes, they could be a little bit farther ahead
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  • in their journey than the husband.
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  • - Yes, than the husbands.
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  • And so I think faith in this segment we're talking about
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  • is so important in the relationship,
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  • and knowing that first and foremost
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  • it starts with you and the Lord.
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  • And that doesn't change when you get married,
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  • so it's so important, if you're not married,
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  • to really build that foundation of loving the Lord,
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  • and seeking him, and being in his word, and being in prayer.
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  • And then when you get married to continue that in.
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  • Like, continue being with the Lord,
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  • continue having those quiet moments, those prayer times,
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  • and praying for your husband.
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  • And also, if maybe you feel like maybe
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  • you're more the spiritual leader in the family,
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  • to get away with the Lord, to have faith
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  • that he is working, that he is moving
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  • in your husband's life.
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  • To pray for him, and I think the more that you
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  • focus on you being with the Lord,
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  • and you soaking up the Lord,
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  • and pouring that out to your husband, loving him,
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  • showing him a lot of grace.
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  • Just talking about like hey,
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  • this is what God told me this morning.
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  • Or this is what I read.
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  • I think that will minister to your husband,
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  • and in a way, it'll show so much grace as you do it.
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  • Because it's not like you're holier than thou
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  • or like you should really be leading me on this,
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  • or why don't you read the Bible more,
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  • or why don't you pray for us?
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  • But just like, you just focusing on your
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  • relationship with the Lord,
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  • and letting that pour out to your
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  • relationship with your husband.
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  • - And the Lord is the one that changes your husband's heart.
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  • - Yeah, so having faith in God,
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  • and then having faith in your husband.
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  • - Exactly.
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  • I just want to close with this little thought
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  • on this segment.
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  • And that is that look at the prodigal son's story, Luke 15.
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  • This is the best way to understand
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  • the character and nature of God,
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  • and how the Father truly loves us.
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  • Now if you know that story, it's very famous in
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  • Christian circles, non-Christian circles even.
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  • The prodigal son makes a bunch of poor decisions,
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  • leaves the family, takes the inheritance,
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  • and then squanders it all.
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  • It seems to me from the story it only takes a couple days,
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  • or a couple weeks, before all that stuff he just took--
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  • - All the money's gone.
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  • - All the money's gone.
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  • - He drank, he ate, he was happy.
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  • - But then it started not going well for him.
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  • And this is where it gets crazy.
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  • This is where the story gets really interesting.
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  • The son starts coming home, right?
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  • And in that moment it says the father sees him,
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  • runs to him, and embraces him.
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  • Now in the first century, patriarchal culture,
  • 00:09:15.270 --> 00:09:18.010
  • first of all, adult Hebrew men didn't run, right?
  • 00:09:18.030 --> 00:09:21.050
  • That was a thing for only kids to do,
  • 00:09:21.070 --> 00:09:22.210
  • and it was kind of shameless for the patriarch to run.
  • 00:09:22.230 --> 00:09:24.060
  • And also, the way the kid left,
  • 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:26.160
  • it was his job to come back and apologize and say
  • 00:09:26.180 --> 00:09:29.050
  • I'm sorry, and make it up to him.
  • 00:09:29.070 --> 00:09:30.230
  • But the father said no, no, no.
  • 00:09:30.250 --> 00:09:32.040
  • I'm not even going to mess with that.
  • 00:09:32.060 --> 00:09:33.030
  • I'm going to go to him.
  • 00:09:33.050 --> 00:09:35.020
  • And that's truly what it's about.
  • 00:09:35.040 --> 00:09:36.210
  • Again, and that's what we get to model in a marriage.
  • 00:09:36.230 --> 00:09:38.270
  • If you're in a marriage, where maybe you
  • 00:09:38.290 --> 00:09:40.230
  • are farther along in your journey with Jesus
  • 00:09:40.250 --> 00:09:42.100
  • than the other spouse,
  • 00:09:42.120 --> 00:09:43.270
  • understand you get to model the father to that spouse.
  • 00:09:43.290 --> 00:09:46.220
  • You get to run to them.
  • 00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:48.060
  • You get to show them the love and the grace.
  • 00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:50.210
  • And if you know the story, go check it out Luke 15,
  • 00:09:50.230 --> 00:09:52.270
  • that's the thing that transforms the other person.
  • 00:09:52.290 --> 00:09:55.140
  • That radical grace, and that radical running
  • 00:09:55.160 --> 00:09:57.190
  • of who Jesus is, and how much he loves you.
  • 00:09:57.210 --> 00:10:01.060
  • We're so excited to tell you about these two guidebooks,
  • 00:10:05.240 --> 00:10:07.190
  • and also our main book, Love That Lasts.
  • 00:10:07.210 --> 00:10:10.090
  • Now, what this is is these are books that we wrote,
  • 00:10:10.110 --> 00:10:12.140
  • that came from our story.
  • 00:10:12.160 --> 00:10:13.290
  • Two of them are guidebooks, so they have exercises
  • 00:10:14.010 --> 00:10:15.230
  • and kind of fill-in-the-blanks.
  • 00:10:15.250 --> 00:10:16.270
  • - A him and a her.
  • 00:10:16.290 --> 00:10:17.210
  • - Things of that nature.
  • 00:10:17.230 --> 00:10:19.090
  • And then a main book, that's our story, that's our journey.
  • 00:10:19.110 --> 00:10:20.270
  • Of dating, breaking up, getting engaged,
  • 00:10:20.290 --> 00:10:23.160
  • getting married, having kids.
  • 00:10:23.180 --> 00:10:25.050
  • And what these three books in total are trying to do
  • 00:10:25.070 --> 00:10:27.220
  • is answer the question of what's God's vision for marriage?
  • 00:10:27.240 --> 00:10:31.180
  • For sexuality?
  • 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:32.280
  • For the journey we're on in dating
  • 00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:34.140
  • and engagement and romance?
  • 00:10:34.160 --> 00:10:36.200
  • - And then the workbooks are just things we've learned
  • 00:10:36.220 --> 00:10:38.150
  • on the twelve main topics in marriage.
  • 00:10:38.170 --> 00:10:39.250
  • You know, communication, conflict,
  • 00:10:39.270 --> 00:10:41.100
  • and the mentors have poured into us
  • 00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:43.010
  • and given us so much wisdom on those topics.
  • 00:10:43.030 --> 00:10:45.090
  • - [Voiceover] Receive your copy of Love That Lasts
  • 00:10:45.110 --> 00:10:47.140
  • as TBN's thank you for any gift of support today.
  • 00:10:47.160 --> 00:10:50.250
  • And, with a gift of $70 or more,
  • 00:10:50.270 --> 00:10:53.090
  • we'll also include the his and hers interactive workbooks.
  • 00:10:53.110 --> 00:10:57.010
  • Call or click now to share your gift and request yours.
  • 00:10:57.030 --> 00:11:00.050
  • And start building a Love That Lasts.
  • 00:11:00.070 --> 00:11:03.060
  • (light guitar music)
  • 00:11:04.250 --> 00:11:07.250
  • - One of our favorite things is
  • 00:11:09.030 --> 00:11:10.090
  • connecting with you on social media.
  • 00:11:10.110 --> 00:11:12.070
  • We have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
  • 00:11:12.090 --> 00:11:14.060
  • We love hearing from you.
  • 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:15.220
  • - So, we can't wait to do life with you guys come say hi.
  • 00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:20.020
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:11:20.040 --> 00:11:22.210
  • One of the most important things,
  • 00:11:27.030 --> 00:11:28.020
  • specifically, to do with faith,
  • 00:11:28.040 --> 00:11:29.190
  • is understanding the true character and nature of grace.
  • 00:11:29.210 --> 00:11:33.010
  • - Yes.
  • 00:11:33.030 --> 00:11:34.120
  • - I think that's what separates Christianity
  • 00:11:34.140 --> 00:11:35.190
  • from every other world religion, right?
  • 00:11:35.210 --> 00:11:38.110
  • I think sometimes, to summarize other religions,
  • 00:11:38.130 --> 00:11:40.230
  • it's kind of like climbing this ladder to heaven,
  • 00:11:40.250 --> 00:11:42.180
  • or eat this way, pray this way, talk this way.
  • 00:11:42.200 --> 00:11:45.260
  • And if you kind of bundle up these things,
  • 00:11:45.280 --> 00:11:47.260
  • and offer them up to God,
  • 00:11:47.280 --> 00:11:49.110
  • then maybe at the end of time he'll say,
  • 00:11:49.130 --> 00:11:51.100
  • yes that's okay, or no that's not good enough
  • 00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:53.220
  • and you're out.
  • 00:11:53.240 --> 00:11:55.020
  • When in reality, the Christian narrative
  • 00:11:55.040 --> 00:11:56.110
  • is so polar opposite of that.
  • 00:11:56.130 --> 00:11:58.140
  • The Christian narrative is actually
  • 00:11:58.160 --> 00:12:00.040
  • not us climbing the ladder to heaven.
  • 00:12:00.060 --> 00:12:02.140
  • The Christian narrative is the scandal of grace,
  • 00:12:02.160 --> 00:12:05.060
  • which we'll show a video on that later.
  • 00:12:05.080 --> 00:12:06.150
  • Of about God coming down the ladder to us.
  • 00:12:06.170 --> 00:12:10.030
  • I think it was even in Romans chapter 5.
  • 00:12:10.050 --> 00:12:11.100
  • - That's scandalous.
  • 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:12.050
  • - It is scandalous.
  • 00:12:12.070 --> 00:12:13.120
  • - Because he's God, he's creator, he's amazing,
  • 00:12:13.140 --> 00:12:14.200
  • and yet he's coming to his creation.
  • 00:12:14.220 --> 00:12:16.040
  • - Exactly, who don't deserve it.
  • 00:12:16.060 --> 00:12:17.250
  • - Right.
  • 00:12:17.270 --> 00:12:19.110
  • - It's unmerited, and he climbs down that ladder to us.
  • 00:12:19.130 --> 00:12:21.120
  • He comes on our turf.
  • 00:12:21.140 --> 00:12:22.220
  • I mean, think about John chapter one,
  • 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:24.080
  • you know where it says that the word became flesh,
  • 00:12:24.100 --> 00:12:27.240
  • and dwelt among us.
  • 00:12:27.260 --> 00:12:29.050
  • I mean, that's insane, right?
  • 00:12:29.070 --> 00:12:30.230
  • The infinite became finite.
  • 00:12:30.250 --> 00:12:32.270
  • That the Lord himself pitched a tent in our backyard
  • 00:12:32.290 --> 00:12:36.050
  • and dwelled among us, to walk among us,
  • 00:12:36.070 --> 00:12:38.200
  • to show us his love and show us his grace.
  • 00:12:38.220 --> 00:12:40.160
  • And this is deeply personal and pivotal in a marriage
  • 00:12:40.180 --> 00:12:43.140
  • because when you understand true faith,
  • 00:12:43.160 --> 00:12:45.250
  • you get to play that out in a marriage.
  • 00:12:45.270 --> 00:12:47.190
  • I want to just break down a big concept for you guys
  • 00:12:47.210 --> 00:12:49.070
  • that I know is really helpful to me.
  • 00:12:49.090 --> 00:12:51.260
  • And I remember the first time I heard it
  • 00:12:51.280 --> 00:12:53.020
  • it was very weighty, but then to me,
  • 00:12:53.040 --> 00:12:55.020
  • it's so life changing in our marriage.
  • 00:12:55.040 --> 00:12:56.150
  • And that's the understanding that a true marriage,
  • 00:12:56.170 --> 00:12:58.290
  • and true grace, is about covenant, not contract.
  • 00:12:59.010 --> 00:13:02.240
  • Now what do I mean by that?
  • 00:13:02.260 --> 00:13:04.160
  • There's only two types of relationships
  • 00:13:04.180 --> 00:13:05.270
  • in all of human life, right?
  • 00:13:05.290 --> 00:13:07.190
  • Either you have a relationship
  • 00:13:07.210 --> 00:13:09.130
  • that's a contract relationship,
  • 00:13:09.150 --> 00:13:10.200
  • or you have one that's a covenant relationship.
  • 00:13:10.220 --> 00:13:12.240
  • Now what that means is a covenant relationship
  • 00:13:12.260 --> 00:13:14.140
  • is where there's two parties, but the promise
  • 00:13:14.160 --> 00:13:17.280
  • is stronger than any behavior
  • 00:13:18.000 --> 00:13:19.260
  • that those two parties might do, right?
  • 00:13:19.280 --> 00:13:21.190
  • - It's like a mom and a son.
  • 00:13:21.210 --> 00:13:24.120
  • - Yes, or a marriage.
  • 00:13:24.140 --> 00:13:25.130
  • - Right.
  • 00:13:25.150 --> 00:13:27.010
  • - But then there's the flip side of a contract relationship
  • 00:13:27.030 --> 00:13:28.130
  • and the glue of that relationship is not the promise
  • 00:13:28.150 --> 00:13:30.210
  • that they made to each other.
  • 00:13:30.230 --> 00:13:31.270
  • The glue of that relationship
  • 00:13:31.290 --> 00:13:33.060
  • is the piece of paper and the behavior.
  • 00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:35.240
  • So, for example, at a job, if you do something bad enough,
  • 00:13:35.260 --> 00:13:39.100
  • what happens?
  • 00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:40.010
  • - You get fired.
  • 00:13:40.030 --> 00:13:41.090
  • - You get fired, you're gone because--
  • 00:13:41.110 --> 00:13:42.170
  • - Of if you steal a piece of licorice
  • 00:13:42.190 --> 00:13:43.150
  • from your middle school locker.
  • 00:13:43.170 --> 00:13:44.200
  • - Oh, is that a personal story for me?
  • 00:13:44.220 --> 00:13:45.270
  • - You get kicked out of school. (laughing)
  • 00:13:45.290 --> 00:13:47.060
  • - TMI right there, buy yes, and no it is true.
  • 00:13:47.080 --> 00:13:49.100
  • That is a true story where I didn't hold up
  • 00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:51.180
  • my end of the contract, right?
  • 00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:53.230
  • And this is before my Jesus days,
  • 00:13:53.250 --> 00:13:55.010
  • please forgive me everyone,
  • 00:13:55.030 --> 00:13:56.100
  • and so I got kicked out of the school.
  • 00:13:56.120 --> 00:13:57.230
  • - The licorice was the last straw.
  • 00:13:57.250 --> 00:13:58.280
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:00.070
  • But that's a contract relationship,
  • 00:14:00.090 --> 00:14:02.100
  • meaning the behavior is what holds that together.
  • 00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:03.240
  • Over here on a covenant,
  • 00:14:03.260 --> 00:14:05.050
  • the promise is what holds it together.
  • 00:14:05.070 --> 00:14:07.030
  • And I would like to say, especially in a marriage, you guys,
  • 00:14:07.050 --> 00:14:09.230
  • you can't get to the true depths of grace
  • 00:14:09.250 --> 00:14:12.030
  • unless you understand it's a covenant, right?
  • 00:14:12.050 --> 00:14:14.010
  • And here's why this matters.
  • 00:14:14.030 --> 00:14:15.150
  • Here's why this matters, right?
  • 00:14:15.170 --> 00:14:16.260
  • If something gets bad enough in a marriage,
  • 00:14:16.280 --> 00:14:19.050
  • you gotta understand, that you don't just get to
  • 00:14:19.070 --> 00:14:21.070
  • rip the contract up and leave, right?
  • 00:14:21.090 --> 00:14:23.130
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:14:23.150 --> 00:14:24.280
  • - Because here's the truth, if I truly believe
  • 00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:26.140
  • that at the end of the day I did something bad enough
  • 00:14:26.160 --> 00:14:27.210
  • where you could just say bye, I'm gone,
  • 00:14:27.230 --> 00:14:29.090
  • then I would never be as honest with you.
  • 00:14:29.110 --> 00:14:30.190
  • - Right.
  • 00:14:30.210 --> 00:14:32.040
  • - I'd never be as transparent with you, why?
  • 00:14:32.060 --> 00:14:33.120
  • Because if I do, you're going to say see ya.
  • 00:14:33.140 --> 00:14:35.080
  • - Right.
  • 00:14:35.100 --> 00:14:36.160
  • - But if we both know it's a covenant,
  • 00:14:36.180 --> 00:14:38.020
  • meaning it's actually about the promise, not the behavior,
  • 00:14:38.040 --> 00:14:41.170
  • then I can be vulnerable, then I can take off the mask.
  • 00:14:41.190 --> 00:14:44.080
  • And you say I still love you, I still see you.
  • 00:14:44.100 --> 00:14:47.000
  • But what what would you say to that, or add to that?
  • 00:14:47.020 --> 00:14:48.230
  • - Well, it just makes me remember
  • 00:14:48.250 --> 00:14:49.190
  • our first year of marriage.
  • 00:14:49.210 --> 00:14:50.160
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:14:50.180 --> 00:14:51.140
  • - And I remember it was--
  • 00:14:51.160 --> 00:14:52.120
  • - Where you learn it firsthand.
  • 00:14:52.140 --> 00:14:53.210
  • - Yeah, the first year of marriage
  • 00:14:53.230 --> 00:14:55.050
  • can be really, really sweet, and it also can be,
  • 00:14:55.070 --> 00:14:56.040
  • for us, it was pretty hard.
  • 00:14:56.060 --> 00:14:57.170
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:14:57.190 --> 00:14:59.040
  • - I remember it was one of our first really big fights
  • 00:14:59.060 --> 00:15:00.140
  • that included, ended up with me in the bathroom,
  • 00:15:00.160 --> 00:15:03.050
  • on the floor, bawling, and you were probably in your office
  • 00:15:03.070 --> 00:15:05.280
  • trying to figure out what just happened.
  • 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:07.200
  • - Like what just happened, yeah.
  • 00:15:07.220 --> 00:15:09.080
  • - And I remember I had just like, all of a sudden my--
  • 00:15:09.100 --> 00:15:11.260
  • - Marriage is awesome, it's incredible.
  • 00:15:11.280 --> 00:15:13.060
  • - My junior high self had come out,
  • 00:15:13.080 --> 00:15:14.200
  • and I had yelled at you and was bawling,
  • 00:15:14.220 --> 00:15:16.150
  • and we got back together after that,
  • 00:15:16.170 --> 00:15:19.140
  • and you just said, "Alyssa, I'm not going anywhere.
  • 00:15:19.160 --> 00:15:23.100
  • This doesn't change anything, I love you.
  • 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:26.110
  • I'm so thankful for you.
  • 00:15:26.130 --> 00:15:28.000
  • We're going to work this out, we're going to get through it.
  • 00:15:28.020 --> 00:15:31.000
  • And I think it was so, like, mind-blowing.
  • 00:15:31.020 --> 00:15:32.250
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:15:32.270 --> 00:15:34.100
  • - Because in no other relationship have I ever felt
  • 00:15:34.120 --> 00:15:36.100
  • so loved, that you actually saw the true me,
  • 00:15:36.120 --> 00:15:39.240
  • my sinful, messy really emotional side,
  • 00:15:39.260 --> 00:15:43.150
  • and yet, I knew that that didn't change anything.
  • 00:15:43.170 --> 00:15:46.160
  • That you loved me, that you even entered in more.
  • 00:15:46.180 --> 00:15:49.080
  • You came closer, and you showered me with grace.
  • 00:15:49.100 --> 00:15:52.140
  • And I think that's so sweet.
  • 00:15:52.160 --> 00:15:54.060
  • - Yeah, and the cool part again you guys, about marriage,
  • 00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:56.180
  • is we get to play dress up.
  • 00:15:56.200 --> 00:15:58.260
  • That's what I like to say, right?
  • 00:16:00.050 --> 00:16:01.180
  • You get to, marriage is pretty much telling a bigger story.
  • 00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:03.120
  • - Right.
  • 00:16:03.140 --> 00:16:04.080
  • - And you get to--
  • 00:16:04.100 --> 00:16:05.020
  • - Of God and his church.
  • 00:16:05.040 --> 00:16:05.280
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:07.070
  • And the way the Lord shows us grace
  • 00:16:07.090 --> 00:16:08.250
  • is that story we get to tell with our marriage.
  • 00:16:08.270 --> 00:16:11.290
  • And so here's the challenge to you guys
  • 00:16:12.010 --> 00:16:13.030
  • before we toss it to this video.
  • 00:16:13.050 --> 00:16:14.230
  • Is your marriage telling the truth about God?
  • 00:16:14.250 --> 00:16:17.170
  • Or is your marriage telling a lie about God?
  • 00:16:17.190 --> 00:16:20.080
  • Well and I think, too, one thing to add,
  • 00:16:20.100 --> 00:16:21.220
  • the two biggest thing in a marriage
  • 00:16:21.240 --> 00:16:23.110
  • is grace and forgiveness.
  • 00:16:23.130 --> 00:16:25.120
  • Because we're both human, we're both sinners,
  • 00:16:25.140 --> 00:16:27.290
  • we're going to fail and disappoint each other.
  • 00:16:28.010 --> 00:16:29.230
  • So asking for forgiveness, and showing so much grace,
  • 00:16:29.250 --> 00:16:33.060
  • when either of you mess up.
  • 00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:35.110
  • - Yeah, and that's the beauty of it, you guys,
  • 00:16:35.130 --> 00:16:37.110
  • is that every time you forgive each other,
  • 00:16:37.130 --> 00:16:38.280
  • you're not only forgiving each other and
  • 00:16:39.000 --> 00:16:40.260
  • making that relationship more awesome,
  • 00:16:40.280 --> 00:16:42.150
  • but you're telling people about how he forgives us.
  • 00:16:42.170 --> 00:16:44.280
  • - Right, and we can forgive because of how he's forgiven us.
  • 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:47.020
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:16:47.040 --> 00:16:48.110
  • And every time you show grace to each other
  • 00:16:48.130 --> 00:16:49.180
  • you're coming from a place of knowing that
  • 00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:51.030
  • God gives you grace, so you can give grace to your spouse.
  • 00:16:51.050 --> 00:16:53.120
  • - Right.
  • 00:16:53.140 --> 00:16:54.230
  • - And so, we want to toss to a video.
  • 00:16:54.250 --> 00:16:56.000
  • It's called the Scandal of Grace,
  • 00:16:56.020 --> 00:16:57.210
  • and I think it's very aptly named,
  • 00:16:57.230 --> 00:16:59.090
  • because grace is scandalous.
  • 00:16:59.110 --> 00:17:01.240
  • Grace is something that is very controversial,
  • 00:17:01.260 --> 00:17:05.000
  • it's not conventional, and the reason being is
  • 00:17:05.020 --> 00:17:07.200
  • we're very much used to a world
  • 00:17:07.220 --> 00:17:09.140
  • where you get what you deserve.
  • 00:17:09.160 --> 00:17:11.180
  • You get what you deserve.
  • 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:13.010
  • You weren't good, so you don't get good stuff.
  • 00:17:13.030 --> 00:17:14.260
  • You were good, so you get good stuff.
  • 00:17:14.280 --> 00:17:16.090
  • God does not operate on that economy,
  • 00:17:16.110 --> 00:17:18.200
  • so check out this video.
  • 00:17:18.220 --> 00:17:21.030
  • You know there's this ancient story written
  • 00:17:21.050 --> 00:17:22.170
  • thousands of years ago that declares
  • 00:17:22.190 --> 00:17:24.080
  • humans were created in God's very own image.
  • 00:17:24.100 --> 00:17:28.090
  • Humans were declared to be the divine reflectors
  • 00:17:28.110 --> 00:17:30.080
  • of this good and gracious creator.
  • 00:17:30.100 --> 00:17:32.230
  • Every one of us completely unique, individual,
  • 00:17:32.250 --> 00:17:35.040
  • and special, in our very own way.
  • 00:17:35.060 --> 00:17:38.030
  • All pieces of a greater story pointing to him.
  • 00:17:38.050 --> 00:17:42.070
  • Then this moment came that changed everything.
  • 00:17:42.090 --> 00:17:44.240
  • We wanted his throne, we wanted to be God.
  • 00:17:44.260 --> 00:17:48.000
  • And we begin to live like we didn't need him.
  • 00:17:48.020 --> 00:17:50.280
  • In an instant, everything broke.
  • 00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:52.200
  • Everything shattered.
  • 00:17:52.220 --> 00:17:54.030
  • The very cosmos fractured and sent ripples
  • 00:17:54.050 --> 00:17:56.220
  • through the corridors of history.
  • 00:17:56.240 --> 00:17:58.140
  • We are no longer the one human race
  • 00:17:58.160 --> 00:18:00.090
  • reflecting the goodness of our creator, we're now enemies.
  • 00:18:00.110 --> 00:18:03.170
  • We use and abuse each other as commodities, not neighbors.
  • 00:18:03.190 --> 00:18:07.050
  • Things to be used, not to love.
  • 00:18:07.070 --> 00:18:09.160
  • There's strife, enmity, dehumanization.
  • 00:18:09.180 --> 00:18:12.210
  • But in the midst of that,
  • 00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:16.010
  • this rabbi named Jesus comes along.
  • 00:18:16.030 --> 00:18:18.240
  • He starts telling people that if they've seen him,
  • 00:18:18.260 --> 00:18:20.200
  • they've seen the face of God.
  • 00:18:20.220 --> 00:18:23.030
  • He declares that God's doing a new thing,
  • 00:18:23.050 --> 00:18:25.030
  • and it has crash landed in himself.
  • 00:18:25.050 --> 00:18:27.140
  • God's new way is here, in our midst, within our grasp.
  • 00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:30.100
  • It's at hand, will you reach out and touch it?
  • 00:18:30.120 --> 00:18:33.020
  • His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity
  • 00:18:33.040 --> 00:18:36.210
  • out of the two, thus making peace.
  • 00:18:36.230 --> 00:18:38.260
  • And now, because of that scandal of Jesus
  • 00:18:38.280 --> 00:18:41.120
  • and the power of unifying grace and reconciliation,
  • 00:18:41.140 --> 00:18:43.210
  • men and women, now equal.
  • 00:18:43.230 --> 00:18:45.210
  • Black and white, equal.
  • 00:18:45.230 --> 00:18:47.170
  • Rich and poor, equal.
  • 00:18:47.190 --> 00:18:49.030
  • A new family, a new humanity,
  • 00:18:49.050 --> 00:18:51.040
  • where all of our differences are now celebrated,
  • 00:18:51.060 --> 00:18:53.000
  • not destroyed.
  • 00:18:53.020 --> 00:18:54.170
  • And now in the same way a mosaic is made up of broken,
  • 00:18:54.190 --> 00:18:56.260
  • ragged, and dirty pieces of glass,
  • 00:18:56.280 --> 00:18:59.050
  • so humanity is made up of broken and ragged people.
  • 00:18:59.070 --> 00:19:02.160
  • But Jesus is creating a new humanity, a family of grace.
  • 00:19:02.180 --> 00:19:06.200
  • And when you zoom out, and you look at the whole picture,
  • 00:19:06.220 --> 00:19:08.200
  • just like the mosaic you see something incredibly beautiful.
  • 00:19:08.220 --> 00:19:12.240
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:19:24.130 --> 00:19:26.100
  • We are so excited for our new book, Love That Lasts,
  • 00:19:26.120 --> 00:19:29.020
  • and yes, that is cartoon characters of us on the front.
  • 00:19:29.040 --> 00:19:31.210
  • And the question is, what do we know about love that lasts?
  • 00:19:31.230 --> 00:19:34.130
  • And that's the whole point of this book.
  • 00:19:34.150 --> 00:19:35.290
  • We really don't, but we want to come alongside you,
  • 00:19:36.010 --> 00:19:38.080
  • in your journey, as people peer-to-peer, saying,
  • 00:19:38.100 --> 00:19:41.100
  • what is God's heart?
  • 00:19:41.120 --> 00:19:42.240
  • Asking the same questions you are
  • 00:19:42.260 --> 00:19:44.080
  • for sexuality, for marriage, for love, and for dating.
  • 00:19:44.100 --> 00:19:47.160
  • - We're so excited.
  • 00:19:47.180 --> 00:19:49.010
  • We kind of trace our whole story throughout it.
  • 00:19:49.030 --> 00:19:50.170
  • Our growing up, our childhood, when we dated,
  • 00:19:50.190 --> 00:19:53.180
  • we were engaged, and then marriage.
  • 00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:55.040
  • What God taught us through it, and I think the cool thing
  • 00:19:55.060 --> 00:19:57.090
  • is we had come from two totally different views,
  • 00:19:57.110 --> 00:19:59.130
  • Jeff was more the prodigal son, and lifestyle,
  • 00:19:59.150 --> 00:20:01.220
  • and I came more from the purity, love that waits culture
  • 00:20:01.240 --> 00:20:05.230
  • which is good, but has some distortions, too.
  • 00:20:05.250 --> 00:20:08.220
  • So we talked about both of those,
  • 00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:10.090
  • and how God gave us hope and healing in it.
  • 00:20:10.110 --> 00:20:13.180
  • - [Voiceover] Call or click now to share a gift
  • 00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:15.050
  • and request your copy of Love That Lasts,
  • 00:20:15.070 --> 00:20:17.080
  • as TBN's thank you for any gift of support today.
  • 00:20:17.100 --> 00:20:21.090
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:20:24.150 --> 00:20:27.020
  • - So one of our favorite things is
  • 00:20:29.010 --> 00:20:30.060
  • connecting with you on social media.
  • 00:20:30.080 --> 00:20:32.020
  • We have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
  • 00:20:32.040 --> 00:20:33.290
  • We love hearing from you.
  • 00:20:34.010 --> 00:20:35.140
  • - So, we can't wait to do life with you guys.
  • 00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:37.020
  • Come say hi.
  • 00:20:37.040 --> 00:20:38.030
  • (gentle music)
  • 00:20:39.280 --> 00:20:42.110
  • - We want to head to our tips for the week,
  • 00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:48.080
  • first for the fellas, then for the ladies.
  • 00:20:48.100 --> 00:20:49.230
  • Guys I have one particular thing I want to concentrate on,
  • 00:20:49.250 --> 00:20:52.230
  • and that is take initiative.
  • 00:20:52.250 --> 00:20:54.190
  • I think we already alluded to it in the episode,
  • 00:20:54.210 --> 00:20:56.160
  • but we know too many marriages
  • 00:20:56.180 --> 00:20:59.010
  • where they maybe both say they love Jesus,
  • 00:20:59.030 --> 00:21:02.000
  • but it definitely seems to me like the wife
  • 00:21:02.020 --> 00:21:03.270
  • is the one that is kind of struggling under the weight of
  • 00:21:03.290 --> 00:21:07.000
  • the husband not taking initiative, not leading,
  • 00:21:07.020 --> 00:21:09.270
  • not asking what does God have for our family,
  • 00:21:09.290 --> 00:21:12.160
  • and for us in the scriptures,
  • 00:21:12.180 --> 00:21:14.020
  • as a marriage, as a family.
  • 00:21:14.040 --> 00:21:16.000
  • And that's deeply important, and here's why.
  • 00:21:16.020 --> 00:21:18.000
  • It's you were created to do so, right?
  • 00:21:18.020 --> 00:21:20.090
  • When you live within God's design,
  • 00:21:20.110 --> 00:21:21.230
  • it goes well for you, right?
  • 00:21:21.250 --> 00:21:23.220
  • Like, you don't cook eggs with a wrench from the garage
  • 00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:26.030
  • because that wasn't designed to do that.
  • 00:21:26.050 --> 00:21:27.250
  • But guys, living in their design,
  • 00:21:27.270 --> 00:21:29.290
  • weren't created to be passive,
  • 00:21:30.010 --> 00:21:32.050
  • weren't created to take a backseat,
  • 00:21:32.070 --> 00:21:34.040
  • weren't created to not lead.
  • 00:21:34.060 --> 00:21:36.200
  • We were created to lead.
  • 00:21:36.220 --> 00:21:38.050
  • Now, let me also make one point very clear.
  • 00:21:38.070 --> 00:21:39.280
  • We were created to lead like Jesus.
  • 00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:41.200
  • I think being overbearing, not being
  • 00:21:41.220 --> 00:21:44.110
  • sensitive to your wife's needs,
  • 00:21:44.130 --> 00:21:45.260
  • not listening to the hearts of your kids,
  • 00:21:45.280 --> 00:21:47.210
  • overworking and maybe at the expense of your family,
  • 00:21:47.230 --> 00:21:50.020
  • whatever it is, that's not leading.
  • 00:21:50.040 --> 00:21:51.260
  • That's actually poor leadership,
  • 00:21:51.280 --> 00:21:53.250
  • and that's actually sinful in that regard.
  • 00:21:53.270 --> 00:21:55.280
  • Leading like Jesus is being gentle, being sensitive,
  • 00:21:56.000 --> 00:21:59.230
  • compelling instead of forcing, right?
  • 00:21:59.250 --> 00:22:02.110
  • And you were called to do so,
  • 00:22:02.130 --> 00:22:03.280
  • and it is for joy that you were called to do so.
  • 00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:05.290
  • Now one quick story.
  • 00:22:06.010 --> 00:22:07.060
  • This is very personal to us because
  • 00:22:07.080 --> 00:22:08.250
  • Alyssa actually broke up with me.
  • 00:22:08.270 --> 00:22:11.120
  • We were like 19 or 20, I think I was 19 or 20,
  • 00:22:11.140 --> 00:22:13.220
  • she was 21 or 22, and she broke up with me
  • 00:22:13.240 --> 00:22:15.290
  • because I didn't do this well.
  • 00:22:16.010 --> 00:22:17.150
  • And thank God for her, right, who actually had the nerve
  • 00:22:17.170 --> 00:22:21.200
  • to say he's not leading well enough.
  • 00:22:21.220 --> 00:22:23.280
  • I don't know if this is who I want to get married to,
  • 00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:25.250
  • so she broke up with me.
  • 00:22:25.270 --> 00:22:27.030
  • I think a lot of times, and this is again,
  • 00:22:27.050 --> 00:22:28.220
  • quick kind of extra bonus tip for the ladies.
  • 00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:31.190
  • I think a lot of times in dating and engagement
  • 00:22:31.210 --> 00:22:34.050
  • the ladies put up with too much,
  • 00:22:34.070 --> 00:22:36.130
  • and then they almost turn into babysitters in marriage,
  • 00:22:36.150 --> 00:22:38.140
  • rather than wives, because--
  • 00:22:38.160 --> 00:22:39.220
  • - They think they'll change.
  • 00:22:39.240 --> 00:22:41.100
  • - Exactly, exactly.
  • 00:22:41.120 --> 00:22:42.200
  • But thankfully she did, and what that did,
  • 00:22:42.220 --> 00:22:44.130
  • especially again talking to the ladies,
  • 00:22:44.150 --> 00:22:45.280
  • it pushed me to the Lord.
  • 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:47.150
  • It pushed me to actually say, you know,
  • 00:22:47.170 --> 00:22:49.050
  • I really do desire her, I do want her.
  • 00:22:49.070 --> 00:22:50.250
  • And so, fellas, pursue your wife's heart.
  • 00:22:50.270 --> 00:22:54.030
  • Pursue the Lord, ask what he has for you,
  • 00:22:54.050 --> 00:22:57.130
  • and it will go well for you, your family, and your marriage.
  • 00:22:57.150 --> 00:23:00.190
  • But what would you say to the ladies?
  • 00:23:00.210 --> 00:23:01.240
  • - I think just to add on to that, for you guys,
  • 00:23:01.260 --> 00:23:03.110
  • I think maybe sometimes you don't lead all the time
  • 00:23:03.130 --> 00:23:05.110
  • because you're afraid you're going to fail.
  • 00:23:05.130 --> 00:23:06.240
  • That you're not going to be good enough.
  • 00:23:06.260 --> 00:23:08.000
  • - Yeah, that's one thing I didn't mention is,
  • 00:23:08.020 --> 00:23:09.180
  • it was coming from a place of me not wanting to risk.
  • 00:23:09.200 --> 00:23:10.090
  • - Right.
  • 00:23:10.110 --> 00:23:11.270
  • And I think knowing that in marriage there is room to fail.
  • 00:23:11.290 --> 00:23:14.240
  • You're not going to be perfect, seasons are going to change,
  • 00:23:14.260 --> 00:23:17.140
  • there's so much grace.
  • 00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:18.220
  • And I think as a wife, you just long for
  • 00:23:18.240 --> 00:23:20.090
  • your husband to lead in whatever way it may be.
  • 00:23:20.110 --> 00:23:22.150
  • So maybe you start off really small,
  • 00:23:22.170 --> 00:23:24.070
  • and as you grow and as you seek mentorship,
  • 00:23:24.090 --> 00:23:26.150
  • you continue to grow and know how to lead your wives.
  • 00:23:26.170 --> 00:23:28.280
  • And I think just knowing that you're seeking growth,
  • 00:23:29.000 --> 00:23:31.240
  • and that you're seeking to lead,
  • 00:23:31.260 --> 00:23:33.090
  • the wife will be so excited, and ready to follow.
  • 00:23:33.110 --> 00:23:35.280
  • So for you, ladies my tip of the week is prayer.
  • 00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:38.260
  • I think one of the biggest callings
  • 00:23:38.280 --> 00:23:40.120
  • that we have on our lives, as wives,
  • 00:23:40.140 --> 00:23:41.230
  • is to pray for our husbands.
  • 00:23:41.250 --> 00:23:43.260
  • It's such an honor, it's such a calling,
  • 00:23:43.280 --> 00:23:45.170
  • and I think a lot of times we don't
  • 00:23:45.190 --> 00:23:47.170
  • pray for our husbands because it feels like
  • 00:23:47.190 --> 00:23:49.060
  • we're not actually doing anything.
  • 00:23:49.080 --> 00:23:51.210
  • It maybe feels like it's passive,
  • 00:23:51.230 --> 00:23:53.220
  • or that God doesn't answer.
  • 00:23:53.240 --> 00:23:55.100
  • But he really does, and God is listening,
  • 00:23:55.120 --> 00:23:57.190
  • and I think that's one of the biggest things
  • 00:23:57.210 --> 00:23:58.250
  • that you can actually do for your man.
  • 00:23:58.270 --> 00:24:00.220
  • And because, most of the time, telling your husband
  • 00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:03.110
  • the things that maybe where he's gone wrong, or whatever
  • 00:24:03.130 --> 00:24:06.080
  • - Isn't the best way to get the husband to do things.
  • 00:24:06.100 --> 00:24:08.060
  • - No, it won't fix it, and--
  • 00:24:08.080 --> 00:24:09.220
  • - You're terrible at this, and then the next day
  • 00:24:09.240 --> 00:24:10.200
  • he usually doesn't do it.
  • 00:24:10.220 --> 00:24:12.060
  • - Right, a lot of the times it'll be called nagging,
  • 00:24:12.080 --> 00:24:13.160
  • and he'll feel frustrated by it.
  • 00:24:13.180 --> 00:24:15.100
  • But going to the Lord, talking to the Lord about it,
  • 00:24:15.120 --> 00:24:18.030
  • asking the Lord to change your husband's heart,
  • 00:24:18.050 --> 00:24:20.120
  • asking him to move in a certain way.
  • 00:24:20.140 --> 00:24:22.100
  • And it is so cool to then stand back
  • 00:24:22.120 --> 00:24:24.070
  • and see how the Holy Spirit works in your husband's life.
  • 00:24:24.090 --> 00:24:27.210
  • And when you do see the Lord working,
  • 00:24:27.230 --> 00:24:30.000
  • and you do see your husband taking initiative,
  • 00:24:30.020 --> 00:24:32.240
  • to encourage him, to be like,
  • 00:24:32.260 --> 00:24:34.090
  • "Wow, babe, that is so cool."
  • 00:24:34.110 --> 00:24:36.000
  • "Way to go in this."
  • 00:24:36.020 --> 00:24:37.100
  • Or, "I love it when you did this today."
  • 00:24:37.120 --> 00:24:38.140
  • "I'm so proud of you."
  • 00:24:38.160 --> 00:24:40.140
  • Just giving those little encouragements
  • 00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:41.250
  • when you do see him leading, and praying for him.
  • 00:24:41.270 --> 00:24:44.120
  • - Yeah, and at the end of the day there's no formula
  • 00:24:44.140 --> 00:24:46.140
  • in regards to how to be both encouraged
  • 00:24:46.160 --> 00:24:49.170
  • and mutually encouraged in a marriage by faith.
  • 00:24:49.190 --> 00:24:51.260
  • Because we want to make sure that we end on that, too.
  • 00:24:51.280 --> 00:24:53.050
  • We know there's a lot of marriages out there
  • 00:24:53.070 --> 00:24:54.200
  • that they both love the Lord, they just don't know,
  • 00:24:54.220 --> 00:24:56.040
  • what do we do?
  • 00:24:56.060 --> 00:24:57.120
  • How do we actually pursue Jesus together?
  • 00:24:57.140 --> 00:24:59.000
  • - I maybe pursued Jesus when I was single for 20 years,
  • 00:24:59.020 --> 00:25:02.070
  • how do I do it now with another person in the house?
  • 00:25:02.090 --> 00:25:04.160
  • And there's no formula for that.
  • 00:25:04.180 --> 00:25:06.070
  • Seek the Lord.
  • 00:25:06.090 --> 00:25:07.030
  • And here's the best tip.
  • 00:25:07.050 --> 00:25:08.140
  • Communicate. (Alyssa laughing)
  • 00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:09.270
  • Like, ask your husbands, ask your wife,
  • 00:25:09.290 --> 00:25:12.010
  • how do you feel most encouraged?
  • 00:25:12.030 --> 00:25:13.290
  • How do you feel most edified
  • 00:25:14.010 --> 00:25:15.190
  • in regards to the Lord, in Jesus?
  • 00:25:15.210 --> 00:25:17.100
  • Do you like when I said you text with scripture?
  • 00:25:17.120 --> 00:25:19.230
  • Do you like when I pray for you?
  • 00:25:19.250 --> 00:25:21.110
  • Do you like when we talk at the table, or whatever?
  • 00:25:21.130 --> 00:25:23.070
  • Because I know for us, some couples read the Bible together,
  • 00:25:23.090 --> 00:25:26.080
  • we don't really like doing that
  • 00:25:26.100 --> 00:25:27.170
  • because we like our alone time. (laughing)
  • 00:25:27.190 --> 00:25:29.280
  • And we get up at different times.
  • 00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:31.140
  • - So we like to read separately and then
  • 00:25:31.160 --> 00:25:33.130
  • at breakfast be like, "Hey, what did you read?"
  • 00:25:33.150 --> 00:25:35.110
  • What's God telling you?
  • 00:25:35.130 --> 00:25:36.100
  • What are you learning about?
  • 00:25:36.120 --> 00:25:37.080
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:25:37.100 --> 00:25:38.170
  • And, in fact, she's such a morning person,
  • 00:25:38.190 --> 00:25:39.290
  • and so much likes her isolation,
  • 00:25:40.010 --> 00:25:41.090
  • that if I get up too early
  • 00:25:41.110 --> 00:25:42.190
  • she kind of says, "Hey, can you leave?
  • 00:25:42.210 --> 00:25:43.190
  • Can you go upstairs?"
  • 00:25:43.210 --> 00:25:44.280
  • - Only because the moment Jeff wakes up
  • 00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:46.190
  • he's like clapping, and talking super loud,
  • 00:25:46.210 --> 00:25:49.090
  • and I need a full hour of just like quiet.
  • 00:25:49.110 --> 00:25:51.190
  • Don't talk to me.
  • 00:25:51.210 --> 00:25:52.170
  • - And so, there's no formula.
  • 00:25:52.190 --> 00:25:53.270
  • - No.
  • 00:25:53.290 --> 00:25:55.140
  • I think in the beginning we maybe felt a little guilt,
  • 00:25:55.160 --> 00:25:56.230
  • like should we be doing something differently?
  • 00:25:56.250 --> 00:25:58.020
  • - Right, we need to do a Bible study together.
  • 00:25:58.040 --> 00:25:59.050
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:25:59.070 --> 00:26:00.040
  • What works for you?
  • 00:26:00.060 --> 00:26:01.020
  • And we found what works for us.
  • 00:26:01.040 --> 00:26:02.200
  • And so, we love you guys, we hope you enjoyed this topic.
  • 00:26:02.220 --> 00:26:04.250
  • Make sure to say hi on social media.
  • 00:26:04.270 --> 00:26:06.110
  • We love making this a two-way street, and a conversation.
  • 00:26:06.130 --> 00:26:08.200
  • So we love you guys, take care.
  • 00:26:08.220 --> 00:26:11.090
  • We are so excited for our new book, Love That Lasts,
  • 00:26:14.080 --> 00:26:16.060
  • because it's a book with our story, about our story,
  • 00:26:16.080 --> 00:26:18.220
  • primarily on why God's heart and vision for
  • 00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:22.120
  • sexuality, marriage, and love is better than ours.
  • 00:26:22.140 --> 00:26:25.150
  • These are books that we wrote, they came from our story.
  • 00:26:25.170 --> 00:26:27.280
  • Two of them are guidebooks so they have exercises
  • 00:26:28.000 --> 00:26:29.280
  • and kind of fill-in-the-blanks.
  • 00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:31.050
  • - A him and a her.
  • 00:26:31.070 --> 00:26:32.030
  • - Yeah, things of that nature.
  • 00:26:32.050 --> 00:26:33.200
  • And then a main book that's our story, that's our journey.
  • 00:26:33.220 --> 00:26:35.100
  • Dating, breaking up, getting engaged,
  • 00:26:35.120 --> 00:26:37.170
  • getting married, having kids.
  • 00:26:37.190 --> 00:26:39.050
  • - And then the workbooks are just things we've learned
  • 00:26:39.070 --> 00:26:40.290
  • on the 12 main topics in marriage.
  • 00:26:41.010 --> 00:26:42.000
  • You know, communication, conflict.
  • 00:26:42.020 --> 00:26:44.130
  • And the mentors that have poured into us
  • 00:26:44.150 --> 00:26:46.110
  • and given us so much wisdom on those topics.
  • 00:26:46.130 --> 00:26:48.200
  • - [Voiceover] If you appreciate topics like this
  • 00:26:48.220 --> 00:26:50.120
  • we hope you'll help TBN keep them coming to you
  • 00:26:50.140 --> 00:26:53.000
  • by sharing a gift of support.
  • 00:26:53.020 --> 00:26:54.180
  • As you do, we'll say thank you by sending you
  • 00:26:54.200 --> 00:26:57.050
  • their eye opening new book, Love That Lasts.
  • 00:26:57.070 --> 00:26:59.250
  • And with a gift of $70 or more, we'll also include
  • 00:26:59.270 --> 00:27:03.150
  • the his and hers interactive workbooks.
  • 00:27:03.170 --> 00:27:05.250
  • Call or click now to share a gift and request yours.
  • 00:27:05.270 --> 00:27:09.080
  • And start building a love that lasts.
  • 00:27:09.100 --> 00:27:12.080
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:27:13.250 --> 00:27:16.110
  • - So one of our favorite things is
  • 00:27:17.280 --> 00:27:19.020
  • connecting with you on social media.
  • 00:27:19.040 --> 00:27:20.290
  • We have Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
  • 00:27:21.010 --> 00:27:22.220
  • We love hearing from you.
  • 00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:24.280
  • So we can't wait to do life with you guys.
  • 00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:26.080
  • Come say hi.
  • 00:27:26.100 --> 00:27:27.120