Bil Cornelius | TBN

Bil Cornelius

Watch Bil Cornelius
February 3, 2017
27:31

Naked and Unashamed: How to Turn Your Relationship Around Immediately

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Bil Cornelius

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  • - Pastor Bil Cornelius: I have
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  • people tell me all kinds
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  • of reasons why they go
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  • through a divorce.
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  • "Well, we got a divorce."
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  • Why?
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  • "Well, you know, they cheated.
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  • Well, you know, they were
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  • unfaithful with their eyes.
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  • Well, you know, they let
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  • themselves go physically
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  • or emotionally.
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  • Or well, you know what, we just
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  • weren't compatible."
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  • That's my favorite one, of
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  • course, as if two people are
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  • ever really compatible.
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  • I keep telling my wife, "Our
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  • marriage would go so much better
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  • if you'd just get with the
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  • [music]
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  • - Bill: You are the church
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  • - Bil: Welcome!
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  • It's great to see you guys.
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  • We're starting a brand new
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  • series today called,
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  • "Naked and Unashamed."
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  • I got Adam on stage.
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  • You guys give it up for Adam.
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  • He decided to join us today
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  • as well.
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  • Looks amazing.
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  • You know, Adam's kind of
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  • a tall guy, actually.
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  • He's not too short here so he's
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  • kind of a big guy so, anyways,
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  • yeah, got him here so it's gonna
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  • be kinda--hey, he looks a little
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  • stiff but that's okay.
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  • Yeah, he's--worst joke ever,
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  • I know.
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  • Sorry.
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  • Look at
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  • Genesis chapter 3, verse 7.
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  • It says this, "Suddenly they
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  • became aware of their nakedness,
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  • and they were embarrassed.
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  • So they strung fig leaves
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  • together to cover themselves
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  • around the hips.
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  • 'Who told you you were naked?'
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  • the Lord God asked.
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  • 'Have you eaten from the fruit
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  • of the tree that I warned
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  • you about?'"
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  • So Adam and Eve--we
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  • know the story, right?
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  • God puts 'em naked together in
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  • the Garden of Eden.
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  • This is before sin.
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  • Pre-sin.
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  • Sex was a part--it's assumed
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  • here that they had
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  • slept together.
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  • I think it's a pretty safe
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  • assumption.
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  • You get a naked man and woman
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  • together, they probably
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  • slept together.
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  • I can at least tell you
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  • the man's intentions.
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  • I can tell you that
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  • pretty clearly.
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  • So the bottom line is, is that
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  • they ended up sleeping together,
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  • you know, they were naked, they
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  • were unashamed, they were--they
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  • had consummated their marriage.
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  • But then God says, "Hey, you can
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  • eat from any tree in the whole
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  • garden except for this one,"
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  • and, of course, that's the one
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  • they go to and they eat that
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  • one fruit and that shows them
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  • right and wrong
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  • and now, and only now,
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  • are they ashamed of themselves
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  • and they begin to cover up.
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  • That's what we all do when we're
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  • ashamed of something,
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  • we cover it up.
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  • We all have that tendency about
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  • ourselves and so, we're gonna
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  • talk about that a little bit
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  • today 'cause we're
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  • going to learn to uncover
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  • the things we are covering.
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  • Psalms 34, verse 14, says, "Try
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  • to live in peace with everyone;
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  • work hard at it."
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  • Now let me tell you something.
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  • If you've been married any
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  • length at all, you understand
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  • you have to work at it.
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  • Now that sounds kind of negative
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  • but the truth is, is that if
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  • you're gonna be with anybody
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  • over a long period of time--I've
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  • been married for over 2 decades.
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  • That's been some work.
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  • There's been a lot of highs,
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  • a lot of great joys, a lot of
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  • great moments, but you have to
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  • work to stay with someone, heart
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  • to heart, really connected with
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  • one another and to make sure
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  • there's nothing between you.
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  • That's--that takes some effort.
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  • It's a wonderfully--it's a
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  • wonderful job, it's a wonderful
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  • task to have but it is a task
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  • at times.ave but it is a task
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  • And so we have to work
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  • to do that.
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  • Song of Songs verse--chapter 2,
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  • verse 15 says this, "Quick!
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  • Catch all the little foxes
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  • before they ruin the vineyard of
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  • your love."
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  • You know, a fox is--will
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  • eat anything.
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  • A fox'll eat dirt.
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  • A fox'll eat vegetables.
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  • A fox will eat vines.
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  • And so if you get little foxes
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  • running through your vineyard,
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  • they will destroy
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  • the whole thing.
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  • There are certain people and
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  • circumstances and things that
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  • can ruin your relationship and
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  • you have to be very careful.
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  • Certain careers that you
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  • probably should just totally
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  • avoid because most of those
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  • people in those careers have
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  • no marriages, you know.
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  • There are certain people, if you
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  • get them involved in your lives,
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  • that will destroy your marriage,
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  • right?
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  • Kids.
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  • I love children but they can
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  • destroy your marriage if you're
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  • not careful.
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  • So go and turn to your child
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  • right now and just say,
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  • "I'm sorry, you gotta go.
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  • That's what the pastor said,
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  • you gotta go."
  • 00:03:29.040 --> 00:03:31.040
  • No, I'm just kidding.
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  • No, that's not what we're trying
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  • to say.
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  • We're trying to say that you do
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  • have to prioritize your marriage
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  • over your children.
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  • But I wanna talk today about
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  • four key areas that we need to
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  • uncover in our relationship.
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  • These are 4 areas that I have
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  • seen through 2 decades of
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  • pastoral counseling with people,
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  • that this has been consistent
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  • that I have seen over the years.
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  • Our church is actually at a size
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  • now where we actually have other
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  • pastoral counselors on staff.
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  • We even hired a firm that does
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  • most of that for us now
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  • at this point.
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  • But I used to do all the
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  • counseling, early on, when
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  • the church was much smaller
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  • and I could handle the load.
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  • I did it all myself.
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  • And so I got to hear an endless
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  • array of situations and problems
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  • but I will tell you that I can,
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  • by and large, tell you that
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  • these top four areas were
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  • the consistent areas that people
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  • were hiding something in and
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  • that we needed to have to come
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  • clean on and so I have found
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  • that over the years that this
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  • hasn't changed.
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  • Even with technology changings,
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  • even with the world changing
  • 00:04:19.070 --> 00:04:20.180
  • today, these are pretty
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  • consistent.
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  • And so I wanna talk about these
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  • four key areas that we need to
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  • learn to uncover to truly be
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  • naked and unashamed with the one
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  • that we love.shamed with the one
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  • So the first area's this,
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  • number one.
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  • We've gotta uncover our mind.
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  • We have to tell the truth
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  • about how we feel.
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  • So Adam has to come clean with
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  • his thoughts and this is not
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  • easy to do but coming clean with
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  • your thoughts means that you
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  • have to say, "Hey, I've got some
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  • hidden resentments here and you
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  • need to know about 'em."
  • 00:04:43.130 --> 00:04:44.180
  • And this is not easy.
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  • It's painful.
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  • And one of the things I will
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  • tell you, when you're truly
  • 00:04:47.030 --> 00:04:48.030
  • naked and unashamed, when you're
  • 00:04:48.030 --> 00:04:49.050
  • honest with someone,
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  • you will offend 'em.
  • 00:04:49.260 --> 00:04:51.190
  • And sometimes getting honest is
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  • the most offensive thing to say.
  • 00:04:52.270 --> 00:04:54.040
  • "Hey, can I be honest with you?
  • 00:04:54.040 --> 00:04:55.000
  • This really bugs me when you say
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  • this or do this or this really
  • 00:04:56.130 --> 00:04:57.240
  • offended me when you said this
  • 00:04:57.240 --> 00:04:58.230
  • or did that."
  • 00:04:58.230 --> 00:04:59.180
  • I mean, we have to be that
  • 00:04:59.180 --> 00:05:00.120
  • honest with one another.
  • 00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:02.040
  • "Hey, I gotta be honest
  • 00:05:02.040 --> 00:05:02.240
  • with you.
  • 00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:03.130
  • I'm not real comfortable with
  • 00:05:03.130 --> 00:05:04.050
  • you being friends with this
  • 00:05:04.050 --> 00:05:04.270
  • person, you know?
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  • I'm just gonna tell you
  • 00:05:06.030 --> 00:05:06.200
  • the truth on that.
  • 00:05:06.200 --> 00:05:07.130
  • I gotta be honest with you,
  • 00:05:07.130 --> 00:05:08.090
  • every time I see this person
  • 00:05:08.090 --> 00:05:09.030
  • post on your Facebook I wanna
  • 00:05:09.030 --> 00:05:10.060
  • go, you know, climb the walls
  • 00:05:10.060 --> 00:05:11.220
  • and scream at someone
  • 00:05:11.220 --> 00:05:12.180
  • and bash a car in.
  • 00:05:12.180 --> 00:05:13.250
  • And I'm not happy about it."
  • 00:05:13.250 --> 00:05:15.020
  • You gotta tell the truth on that
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  • stuff, you know?
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  • Whatever it is that you're not
  • 00:05:16.150 --> 00:05:17.090
  • being honest about,
  • 00:05:17.090 --> 00:05:18.090
  • you gotta be honest.
  • 00:05:18.090 --> 00:05:19.000
  • "Hey, I gotta be honest with
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  • you, I feel like you let
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  • yourself go physically.
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  • And I don't like it."
  • 00:05:21.180 --> 00:05:22.120
  • Or, "I feel like you let
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  • yourself go emotionally."
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  • That's another one.
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  • Guys do that a lot, right?
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  • We kind of just let ourselves go
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  • and just turn into Bubba real
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  • fast, you know, instead of
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  • still, you know, being--
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  • cherishing our spouse,
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  • things like that.
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  • So we have to be honest with
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  • each other.
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  • I remember the first year of our
  • 00:05:38.050 --> 00:05:39.030
  • marriage, I would come home and
  • 00:05:39.030 --> 00:05:41.030
  • my wife, she's awesome and you
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  • guys know my wife,
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  • she's amazing.
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  • Well, she was trying to be
  • 00:05:44.100 --> 00:05:45.230
  • Superwife which is a great thing
  • 00:05:45.230 --> 00:05:47.080
  • but being Superwife in her mind
  • 00:05:47.080 --> 00:05:49.050
  • meant having this amazing meal
  • 00:05:49.050 --> 00:05:51.160
  • every night which I was, like,
  • 00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:52.180
  • first of all, I kept coming
  • 00:05:52.180 --> 00:05:53.160
  • home, thinking,
  • 00:05:53.160 --> 00:05:54.060
  • "I am gonna gain 100 pounds."
  • 00:05:54.060 --> 00:05:56.060
  • I mean, it was, like,
  • 00:05:56.060 --> 00:05:57.080
  • full-blown casserole.
  • 00:05:57.080 --> 00:05:57.270
  • There was two of us--there's
  • 00:05:57.270 --> 00:05:58.180
  • two of us.
  • 00:05:58.180 --> 00:05:59.080
  • Casseroles were meant for, like,
  • 00:05:59.080 --> 00:06:00.120
  • eight people, you know
  • 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:01.170
  • what I mean?
  • 00:06:01.170 --> 00:06:02.020
  • And there would just be this
  • 00:06:02.020 --> 00:06:02.220
  • massive amount of food.
  • 00:06:02.220 --> 00:06:03.220
  • It was all very good, right?
  • 00:06:03.220 --> 00:06:04.260
  • But every once in a while
  • 00:06:04.260 --> 00:06:06.030
  • something wasn't good.
  • 00:06:06.030 --> 00:06:08.040
  • Something I would eat but she
  • 00:06:08.040 --> 00:06:09.000
  • had these expectation in her
  • 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:10.160
  • eyes, like she'd put it on my
  • 00:06:10.160 --> 00:06:11.210
  • plate and be, like, "Go ahead
  • 00:06:11.210 --> 00:06:12.130
  • and try it," you know, like,
  • 00:06:12.130 --> 00:06:13.120
  • looking at me like her
  • 00:06:13.120 --> 00:06:14.020
  • self-esteem is hanging in
  • 00:06:14.020 --> 00:06:15.140
  • the balance here, you know
  • 00:06:15.140 --> 00:06:16.110
  • what I mean?
  • 00:06:16.110 --> 00:06:18.120
  • And so I would take a bite of it
  • 00:06:18.120 --> 00:06:19.030
  • and every once in a while I'd
  • 00:06:19.030 --> 00:06:19.270
  • eat something and I would be,
  • 00:06:19.270 --> 00:06:20.290
  • like, "Oh, this is really gross,
  • 00:06:20.290 --> 00:06:22.150
  • you know?
  • 00:06:22.150 --> 00:06:23.020
  • This is not good."
  • 00:06:23.020 --> 00:06:23.180
  • So then I'm at that moment,
  • 00:06:23.180 --> 00:06:24.230
  • like, "Okay, do I tell the truth
  • 00:06:24.230 --> 00:06:26.190
  • or do I just start going by
  • 00:06:26.190 --> 00:06:28.120
  • McDonald's every day?"
  • 00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:29.110
  • I mean, I dunno.
  • 00:06:29.110 --> 00:06:30.050
  • What should I do here, right?
  • 00:06:30.050 --> 00:06:31.260
  • So I remember having to look at
  • 00:06:31.260 --> 00:06:33.000
  • her in the eye and say, "Honey,
  • 00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:33.240
  • I love you and I know you worked
  • 00:06:33.240 --> 00:06:34.260
  • really hard at this, and this is
  • 00:06:34.260 --> 00:06:36.070
  • really tough to say but I just
  • 00:06:36.070 --> 00:06:37.130
  • really didn't like this meal,
  • 00:06:37.130 --> 00:06:39.210
  • this--I didn't like this dish."
  • 00:06:39.210 --> 00:06:40.210
  • And I could literally see I'm
  • 00:06:40.210 --> 00:06:41.250
  • just crushing the poor girl.
  • 00:06:41.250 --> 00:06:43.010
  • And I felt so bad but I was,
  • 00:06:43.010 --> 00:06:44.070
  • like, it's either that
  • 00:06:44.070 --> 00:06:45.060
  • or I'm eating this for
  • 00:06:45.060 --> 00:06:45.270
  • the next 30 years.
  • 00:06:45.270 --> 00:06:46.220
  • So I need to just tell her the
  • 00:06:46.220 --> 00:06:47.180
  • truth now, you know what I mean,
  • 00:06:47.180 --> 00:06:49.240
  • that this is not my--and it's
  • 00:06:49.240 --> 00:06:50.220
  • not that she's not a good cook.
  • 00:06:50.220 --> 00:06:51.230
  • She's an amazing cook.
  • 00:06:51.230 --> 00:06:52.140
  • But our families come from
  • 00:06:52.140 --> 00:06:53.200
  • two different backgrounds
  • 00:06:53.200 --> 00:06:55.060
  • and two different palates,
  • 00:06:55.060 --> 00:06:56.230
  • if you know what I'm saying,
  • 00:06:56.230 --> 00:06:57.140
  • like, we just eat differently.
  • 00:06:57.140 --> 00:06:59.080
  • And so I remember going to the
  • 00:06:59.080 --> 00:07:00.050
  • store with my wife and being,
  • 00:07:00.050 --> 00:07:01.080
  • like, "Hey, honey, check it out.
  • 00:07:01.080 --> 00:07:01.270
  • This is called red meat,
  • 00:07:01.270 --> 00:07:03.260
  • you know.
  • 00:07:03.260 --> 00:07:04.160
  • This is really good.
  • 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:05.130
  • You should try this sometime."
  • 00:07:05.130 --> 00:07:06.130
  • 'Cause everything in her family
  • 00:07:06.130 --> 00:07:07.190
  • was chicken.
  • 00:07:07.190 --> 00:07:08.120
  • Every dish was chicken-this--I
  • 00:07:08.120 --> 00:07:10.080
  • was, like, "Man, I've had more
  • 00:07:10.080 --> 00:07:11.060
  • white rubber than I know what to
  • 00:07:11.060 --> 00:07:12.110
  • do with.
  • 00:07:12.110 --> 00:07:13.000
  • I have got to get some beef
  • 00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:15.090
  • in my palate."
  • 00:07:15.090 --> 00:07:16.270
  • You know what I'm saying?
  • 00:07:16.270 --> 00:07:17.130
  • So nothing wrong with that.
  • 00:07:17.130 --> 00:07:18.260
  • She's actually an amazing cook.
  • 00:07:18.260 --> 00:07:20.070
  • But I had to just be honest with
  • 00:07:20.070 --> 00:07:21.230
  • her about that.
  • 00:07:21.230 --> 00:07:22.240
  • And she had to learn to be
  • 00:07:22.240 --> 00:07:23.200
  • honest with me about
  • 00:07:23.200 --> 00:07:24.170
  • certain things too.
  • 00:07:24.170 --> 00:07:25.080
  • She grew up around nothing
  • 00:07:25.080 --> 00:07:26.180
  • but girls.
  • 00:07:26.180 --> 00:07:27.060
  • You know, her--she has a sister.
  • 00:07:27.060 --> 00:07:28.080
  • All of her cousins were girls,
  • 00:07:28.080 --> 00:07:29.100
  • so she had no males in her life.
  • 00:07:29.100 --> 00:07:30.180
  • So she just thought, "I'm sorry,
  • 00:07:30.180 --> 00:07:31.230
  • honey, you're disgusting.
  • 00:07:31.230 --> 00:07:33.080
  • You're just really gross," and
  • 00:07:33.080 --> 00:07:34.080
  • she had no idea how gross
  • 00:07:34.080 --> 00:07:35.080
  • males were.
  • 00:07:35.080 --> 00:07:36.060
  • Now I have recently, of course,
  • 00:07:36.060 --> 00:07:37.090
  • educated her since then but, you
  • 00:07:37.090 --> 00:07:38.080
  • know, she's fully educated and,
  • 00:07:38.080 --> 00:07:39.190
  • now we have two boys in our
  • 00:07:39.190 --> 00:07:41.060
  • home, she's fully aware of how
  • 00:07:41.060 --> 00:07:42.060
  • gross males are now.
  • 00:07:42.060 --> 00:07:43.090
  • But she didn't know at the time
  • 00:07:43.090 --> 00:07:44.250
  • and so I had to break her in.
  • 00:07:44.250 --> 00:07:45.220
  • So the bottom line, though, is
  • 00:07:45.220 --> 00:07:47.050
  • that we have to be honest with
  • 00:07:47.050 --> 00:07:48.190
  • each other and share in those
  • 00:07:48.190 --> 00:07:50.180
  • resentments.
  • 00:07:50.180 --> 00:07:51.290
  • Now the next one's
  • 00:07:51.290 --> 00:07:52.150
  • a big deal too.
  • 00:07:52.150 --> 00:07:53.010
  • And this one goes over our heart
  • 00:07:53.010 --> 00:07:55.130
  • 'cause the Bible said that where
  • 00:07:55.130 --> 00:07:57.130
  • our treasure is, our heart is.
  • 00:07:58.030 --> 00:08:01.050
  • And this is why most fights with
  • 00:08:01.050 --> 00:08:03.200
  • couples have to do with money.
  • 00:08:04.160 --> 00:08:07.160
  • So we have to uncover this one
  • 00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:09.060
  • 'cause it's close to our heart.
  • 00:08:09.060 --> 00:08:10.130
  • And so money is the next one.
  • 00:08:10.130 --> 00:08:11.250
  • This is a very painful one but
  • 00:08:11.250 --> 00:08:13.050
  • we have to do this 'cause the
  • 00:08:13.050 --> 00:08:14.090
  • reason we get so sensitive about
  • 00:08:14.090 --> 00:08:15.250
  • this is 'cause where we spend
  • 00:08:15.250 --> 00:08:16.130
  • our money is where our heart is
  • 00:08:16.130 --> 00:08:18.070
  • and so what you really believe
  • 00:08:18.070 --> 00:08:19.110
  • in is what you spend money on.
  • 00:08:19.110 --> 00:08:20.220
  • And so this is why these are
  • 00:08:20.220 --> 00:08:21.170
  • typically the fights are
  • 00:08:21.170 --> 00:08:22.280
  • on money.
  • 00:08:22.280 --> 00:08:23.160
  • And so because Jesus said,
  • 00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:25.000
  • "Where your treasure is,
  • 00:08:25.000 --> 00:08:25.190
  • your heart is also."
  • 00:08:25.190 --> 00:08:26.150
  • And so one of the most common
  • 00:08:26.150 --> 00:08:27.180
  • things I see happening
  • 00:08:27.180 --> 00:08:28.120
  • is people having
  • 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:29.290
  • separate banking accounts,
  • 00:08:29.290 --> 00:08:32.030
  • separate checking accounts.
  • 00:08:32.030 --> 00:08:33.140
  • This is a big problem and now
  • 00:08:33.140 --> 00:08:34.130
  • I'm gonna say something that may
  • 00:08:34.130 --> 00:08:35.260
  • create a fight for you
  • 00:08:35.260 --> 00:08:37.170
  • this afternoon.
  • 00:08:37.170 --> 00:08:38.060
  • I'm not trying to do that but we
  • 00:08:38.060 --> 00:08:39.170
  • can't get to oneness, we can't
  • 00:08:39.170 --> 00:08:42.030
  • get to being naked and unashamed
  • 00:08:42.030 --> 00:08:43.230
  • unless we fully go there, okay?
  • 00:08:43.230 --> 00:08:45.260
  • So on this one, this is
  • 00:08:45.260 --> 00:08:46.260
  • a tough one, but if you have two
  • 00:08:46.260 --> 00:08:48.170
  • separate checking accounts, it's
  • 00:08:48.170 --> 00:08:50.090
  • probably an indication that you
  • 00:08:50.090 --> 00:08:51.260
  • either were married before or
  • 00:08:51.260 --> 00:08:54.040
  • you were living with someone
  • 00:08:54.040 --> 00:08:55.150
  • before and, in other words, you
  • 00:08:55.150 --> 00:08:56.160
  • were practically married before,
  • 00:08:56.160 --> 00:08:57.290
  • and it didn't work out.
  • 00:08:57.290 --> 00:08:59.130
  • So what happens is, the reason
  • 00:08:59.130 --> 00:09:00.120
  • people keep two separate
  • 00:09:00.120 --> 00:09:01.100
  • checking accounts, typically, is
  • 00:09:01.100 --> 00:09:02.140
  • because there's fear.
  • 00:09:02.140 --> 00:09:03.280
  • If you uncover that fig leaf,
  • 00:09:03.280 --> 00:09:04.250
  • take it off, there's
  • 00:09:04.250 --> 00:09:05.100
  • fear in their heart that says,
  • 00:09:05.100 --> 00:09:07.140
  • "You know what?
  • 00:09:07.140 --> 00:09:08.000
  • I've got one foot in
  • 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:08.200
  • the marriage but I'm gonna keep
  • 00:09:08.200 --> 00:09:09.270
  • one foot out.
  • 00:09:09.270 --> 00:09:10.230
  • Just in case things don't go
  • 00:09:10.230 --> 00:09:11.160
  • good, we already got things
  • 00:09:11.160 --> 00:09:12.250
  • separated."
  • 00:09:12.250 --> 00:09:14.280
  • Ooh, it got quiet.
  • 00:09:14.280 --> 00:09:17.150
  • See, it's tough to talk about
  • 00:09:17.150 --> 00:09:18.080
  • this but, typically, that's why
  • 00:09:18.080 --> 00:09:19.160
  • there are two separate checking
  • 00:09:19.160 --> 00:09:21.190
  • accounts and you can tell me all
  • 00:09:21.190 --> 00:09:22.130
  • the practical reasons you want,
  • 00:09:22.130 --> 00:09:23.130
  • "Well, you know, I pay
  • 00:09:23.130 --> 00:09:24.140
  • the mortgage out of this and
  • 00:09:24.140 --> 00:09:25.170
  • they pay the bills out of that."
  • 00:09:25.170 --> 00:09:26.240
  • That sounds real nice but
  • 00:09:26.240 --> 00:09:28.080
  • the truth is, that's a cover-up.
  • 00:09:28.080 --> 00:09:30.090
  • That's a cover-up.
  • 00:09:30.090 --> 00:09:31.210
  • And the cover-up is you're just
  • 00:09:31.210 --> 00:09:33.010
  • not being really honest with
  • 00:09:33.010 --> 00:09:35.030
  • one another about your
  • 00:09:35.030 --> 00:09:36.010
  • financial dealings.
  • 00:09:36.010 --> 00:09:38.040
  • And so it's a big deal that we
  • 00:09:38.040 --> 00:09:39.020
  • just uncover that because,
  • 00:09:39.020 --> 00:09:39.180
  • you know what?
  • 00:09:39.180 --> 00:09:40.030
  • You can have all your money in
  • 00:09:40.030 --> 00:09:40.220
  • one account and also pay
  • 00:09:40.220 --> 00:09:41.110
  • the mortgage and the bills too.
  • 00:09:41.110 --> 00:09:42.260
  • There's no reason to do
  • 00:09:42.260 --> 00:09:44.110
  • two separate accounts.
  • 00:09:44.110 --> 00:09:45.130
  • There's just no reason.
  • 00:09:45.130 --> 00:09:47.060
  • So go all in if you want it
  • 00:09:47.060 --> 00:09:49.080
  • to work, okay?
  • 00:09:49.080 --> 00:09:50.120
  • You gotta go all in.
  • 00:09:50.120 --> 00:09:51.020
  • So, you know, I'm really kind of
  • 00:09:51.020 --> 00:09:52.090
  • fanatical about this, actually.
  • 00:09:52.090 --> 00:09:53.270
  • I really am.
  • 00:09:53.270 --> 00:09:54.150
  • In fact, you know, my wife and I
  • 00:09:54.150 --> 00:09:55.150
  • have a number of different
  • 00:09:55.150 --> 00:09:57.090
  • investments in investment
  • 00:09:57.090 --> 00:09:58.200
  • accounts and we have several
  • 00:09:58.200 --> 00:09:59.170
  • different businesses, which
  • 00:09:59.170 --> 00:10:00.140
  • requires different business
  • 00:10:00.140 --> 00:10:01.060
  • accounts.
  • 00:10:01.060 --> 00:10:01.220
  • And so I'm kind of funny
  • 00:10:01.220 --> 00:10:02.170
  • about this.
  • 00:10:02.170 --> 00:10:03.020
  • I've actually had bankers
  • 00:10:03.020 --> 00:10:03.200
  • actually say to me, "You know,
  • 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:04.230
  • hey, we can get this account,
  • 00:10:04.230 --> 00:10:05.170
  • you know, set up real quick
  • 00:10:05.170 --> 00:10:06.190
  • for you."
  • 00:10:06.190 --> 00:10:07.060
  • And I'll do it, and I'll say,
  • 00:10:07.060 --> 00:10:08.070
  • "Oh, I need my wife to come in,"
  • 00:10:08.070 --> 00:10:09.080
  • and they'll say,
  • 00:10:09.080 --> 00:10:09.260
  • "Oh, you know what?
  • 00:10:09.260 --> 00:10:10.110
  • She already owns all of
  • 00:10:10.110 --> 00:10:11.020
  • this anyways.
  • 00:10:11.020 --> 00:10:11.220
  • According to state law, she's
  • 00:10:11.220 --> 00:10:12.280
  • gonna own half anyways."
  • 00:10:12.280 --> 00:10:13.280
  • And I say, "I know all that.
  • 00:10:13.280 --> 00:10:14.240
  • I know, but I still want her
  • 00:10:14.240 --> 00:10:16.080
  • to come sign."
  • 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:17.260
  • And they're, like, "Well, okay,
  • 00:10:17.260 --> 00:10:18.210
  • but you know you don't have to."
  • 00:10:18.210 --> 00:10:19.120
  • Or I've even had it to where,
  • 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:20.110
  • like, we flipped a house,
  • 00:10:20.110 --> 00:10:21.000
  • you know?
  • 00:10:21.000 --> 00:10:21.190
  • It's only--I'm only gonna be in
  • 00:10:21.190 --> 00:10:22.080
  • and out of this thing for
  • 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:22.250
  • a couple months.
  • 00:10:22.250 --> 00:10:23.210
  • What's the point, you know?
  • 00:10:23.210 --> 00:10:24.080
  • The point is that we're one.
  • 00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:26.130
  • That's the point.
  • 00:10:26.130 --> 00:10:27.040
  • So I know it's a little more
  • 00:10:27.040 --> 00:10:28.030
  • tedious but she's gonna come up,
  • 00:10:28.030 --> 00:10:29.090
  • she's gonna sign.
  • 00:10:29.090 --> 00:10:30.050
  • And so I just do that, you know.
  • 00:10:30.050 --> 00:10:31.190
  • And if we're buying a car,
  • 00:10:31.190 --> 00:10:33.020
  • her name's on, my name's on it,
  • 00:10:33.020 --> 00:10:35.100
  • 'cause, you know, I want all--I
  • 00:10:35.100 --> 00:10:36.020
  • want her name on the line with
  • 00:10:36.020 --> 00:10:37.050
  • all that debt too.
  • 00:10:37.050 --> 00:10:38.030
  • So anyways--
  • 00:10:38.030 --> 00:10:39.020
  • [congregation laughing]
  • 00:10:39.020 --> 00:10:40.250
  • Just kidding.
  • 00:10:40.250 --> 00:10:41.200
  • No, but it's true.
  • 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:42.180
  • But we do that and that may seem
  • 00:10:42.180 --> 00:10:44.030
  • a little fanatical but, you
  • 00:10:44.030 --> 00:10:45.020
  • know, first of all, there's no
  • 00:10:45.020 --> 00:10:46.050
  • reason--it's very convenient now
  • 00:10:46.050 --> 00:10:47.090
  • anyways 'cause you can literally
  • 00:10:47.090 --> 00:10:48.050
  • sign for all those things on
  • 00:10:48.050 --> 00:10:49.010
  • your own--on your phone now.
  • 00:10:49.010 --> 00:10:50.140
  • I mean, you just get a little
  • 00:10:50.140 --> 00:10:51.030
  • DocuSign app and you can do it
  • 00:10:51.030 --> 00:10:53.030
  • all on your phone.
  • 00:10:53.030 --> 00:10:53.230
  • You can close on a house
  • 00:10:53.230 --> 00:10:54.190
  • on a phone.
  • 00:10:54.190 --> 00:10:55.140
  • I mean, it's crazy now.
  • 00:10:55.140 --> 00:10:56.070
  • So the point is, is that there's
  • 00:10:56.070 --> 00:10:57.070
  • no excuse for not being all in
  • 00:10:57.070 --> 00:10:58.290
  • together in your finances.
  • 00:10:58.290 --> 00:11:00.190
  • So it's a big deal 'cause I've
  • 00:11:00.190 --> 00:11:01.150
  • discovered that separate
  • 00:11:01.150 --> 00:11:02.140
  • checking accounts lead to hidden
  • 00:11:02.140 --> 00:11:03.230
  • purchases and activities.
  • 00:11:03.230 --> 00:11:06.090
  • And so this is why you just--you
  • 00:11:06.090 --> 00:11:07.160
  • avoid that altogether if you're
  • 00:11:07.160 --> 00:11:08.100
  • just all-in on one.
  • 00:11:08.100 --> 00:11:10.100
  • Even if one person makes a lot
  • 00:11:10.100 --> 00:11:11.130
  • more money than
  • 00:11:11.130 --> 00:11:12.030
  • the other person, you know,
  • 00:11:12.030 --> 00:11:12.290
  • it's all one, guys.
  • 00:11:12.290 --> 00:11:14.290
  • It's not her money versus
  • 00:11:14.290 --> 00:11:16.020
  • my money, his money versus
  • 00:11:16.020 --> 00:11:17.110
  • her money.
  • 00:11:17.110 --> 00:11:18.000
  • No, it's all--it's our money.
  • 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:19.100
  • And so collectively,
  • 00:11:19.100 --> 00:11:21.190
  • we handle it together.
  • 00:11:21.190 --> 00:11:22.240
  • So that's a really big deal.
  • 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:23.290
  • My wife and I are very sensitive
  • 00:11:23.290 --> 00:11:25.140
  • to this and so she knows she can
  • 00:11:25.140 --> 00:11:26.280
  • pretty much buy what she wants
  • 00:11:26.280 --> 00:11:27.260
  • within reason and I'm the same
  • 00:11:27.260 --> 00:11:29.240
  • way if I want something.
  • 00:11:29.240 --> 00:11:30.230
  • But if it gets to a certain
  • 00:11:30.230 --> 00:11:32.020
  • number and we know what that
  • 00:11:32.020 --> 00:11:33.190
  • number is between the two of us,
  • 00:11:33.190 --> 00:11:34.230
  • then we'll call each other.
  • 00:11:34.230 --> 00:11:35.220
  • "Hey, I'm thinking about
  • 00:11:35.220 --> 00:11:36.070
  • buying this.
  • 00:11:36.070 --> 00:11:36.230
  • Just wanna make sure
  • 00:11:36.230 --> 00:11:37.090
  • we're okay."
  • 00:11:37.090 --> 00:11:37.250
  • And normally, that doesn't mean
  • 00:11:37.250 --> 00:11:38.140
  • the answer is no.
  • 00:11:38.140 --> 00:11:39.100
  • Normally, that means the answer
  • 00:11:39.100 --> 00:11:40.010
  • is, "Let me check the account
  • 00:11:40.010 --> 00:11:41.080
  • and make sure we're okay," is
  • 00:11:41.080 --> 00:11:43.040
  • what that's really about.
  • 00:11:43.040 --> 00:11:43.230
  • It's really not about me
  • 00:11:43.230 --> 00:11:46.050
  • approving of her purchases
  • 00:11:46.050 --> 00:11:47.010
  • or vice versa.
  • 00:11:47.010 --> 00:11:48.060
  • But I don't have a problem with
  • 00:11:48.060 --> 00:11:49.170
  • that either, with me saying to
  • 00:11:49.170 --> 00:11:51.240
  • her and being sensitive and
  • 00:11:51.240 --> 00:11:52.190
  • saying, "Hey, I'm thinking about
  • 00:11:52.190 --> 00:11:53.110
  • purchase--I know it's a little
  • 00:11:53.110 --> 00:11:54.030
  • more than I normally spend.
  • 00:11:54.030 --> 00:11:54.210
  • You cool with that?"
  • 00:11:54.210 --> 00:11:56.070
  • And she would say the same
  • 00:11:56.070 --> 00:11:56.260
  • to me.
  • 00:11:56.260 --> 00:11:57.110
  • That's just being sensitive to
  • 00:11:57.110 --> 00:11:58.090
  • one another because, when I buy
  • 00:11:58.090 --> 00:11:59.190
  • something, I'm giving part of my
  • 00:11:59.190 --> 00:12:01.010
  • heart to that.
  • 00:12:01.010 --> 00:12:01.290
  • So I wanna make sure that her
  • 00:12:01.290 --> 00:12:02.240
  • heart can be all in with that
  • 00:12:02.240 --> 00:12:03.260
  • purchase too.
  • 00:12:03.260 --> 00:12:04.280
  • Does that make sense?
  • 00:12:04.280 --> 00:12:06.090
  • So it's a big deal.
  • 00:12:06.090 --> 00:12:06.250
  • We wanna uncover our heart
  • 00:12:06.250 --> 00:12:08.070
  • and make sure that we are one.
  • 00:12:08.070 --> 00:12:10.040
  • That's a big deal.
  • 00:12:10.040 --> 00:12:11.170
  • Now, this next one can make you
  • 00:12:11.170 --> 00:12:12.200
  • a little sick when you
  • 00:12:12.200 --> 00:12:14.040
  • uncover it.
  • 00:12:14.040 --> 00:12:14.200
  • This is over the stomach
  • 00:12:14.200 --> 00:12:15.140
  • for a reason.
  • 00:12:15.140 --> 00:12:16.160
  • It can just make you a little
  • 00:12:16.160 --> 00:12:17.100
  • nauseous 'cause this is a tough
  • 00:12:17.100 --> 00:12:18.050
  • one but I have learned that
  • 00:12:18.050 --> 00:12:19.150
  • we've got to deal with this
  • 00:12:19.150 --> 00:12:20.090
  • one too.
  • 00:12:20.090 --> 00:12:20.260
  • And so we've got to learn to
  • 00:12:20.260 --> 00:12:23.000
  • uncover the social media. to
  • 00:12:23.000 --> 00:12:25.260
  • What's going on online.
  • 00:12:25.260 --> 00:12:26.290
  • So we gotta talk about that.
  • 00:12:26.290 --> 00:12:29.200
  • Wow, Adam, your abs look
  • 00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:30.270
  • just like mine.
  • 00:12:30.270 --> 00:12:31.280
  • That's--
  • 00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:32.150
  • [congregation laughing]
  • 00:12:32.150 --> 00:12:34.020
  • What's so funny?
  • 00:12:34.020 --> 00:12:34.230
  • I don't understand what's
  • 00:12:34.230 --> 00:12:35.090
  • so funny.
  • 00:12:35.090 --> 00:12:36.200
  • But you know, the thing about
  • 00:12:36.200 --> 00:12:37.290
  • this one that's so tough for us
  • 00:12:37.290 --> 00:12:39.150
  • about uncovering the social
  • 00:12:39.150 --> 00:12:40.200
  • media is that oftentimes there
  • 00:12:40.200 --> 00:12:42.070
  • may be some activity going on
  • 00:12:42.070 --> 00:12:43.120
  • online that we don't really want
  • 00:12:43.120 --> 00:12:44.190
  • our spouse to know about.
  • 00:12:44.190 --> 00:12:47.070
  • So this is why I actually
  • 00:12:47.070 --> 00:12:48.180
  • recommend that out of an act of
  • 00:12:48.180 --> 00:12:50.220
  • trust we hand over voluntarily
  • 00:12:52.090 --> 00:12:55.090
  • all the passwords to all of
  • 00:12:55.090 --> 00:12:56.240
  • our accounts.
  • 00:12:56.240 --> 00:12:58.120
  • And we say, "Here's the password
  • 00:12:58.120 --> 00:12:59.170
  • to my Facebook.
  • 00:12:59.170 --> 00:13:00.120
  • Here's the password
  • 00:13:00.120 --> 00:13:01.130
  • to my Twitter.
  • 00:13:01.130 --> 00:13:02.070
  • Here's the password
  • 00:13:02.070 --> 00:13:02.270
  • to my LinkedIn.
  • 00:13:02.270 --> 00:13:03.290
  • Here's the password to my
  • 00:13:03.290 --> 00:13:04.230
  • emails, even work emails.
  • 00:13:04.230 --> 00:13:06.120
  • Here is my password."
  • 00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:07.120
  • There's no real reason for them
  • 00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:08.190
  • to be on there other than if
  • 00:13:08.190 --> 00:13:09.140
  • they're nervous about something.
  • 00:13:09.140 --> 00:13:10.200
  • You're more than welcome
  • 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:11.080
  • to go check.
  • 00:13:11.080 --> 00:13:13.120
  • Does that make sense?
  • 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:14.230
  • You know, here's my Internet
  • 00:13:14.230 --> 00:13:15.120
  • activity.
  • 00:13:15.120 --> 00:13:16.000
  • If you have to clear and delete
  • 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:18.270
  • your history all the time,
  • 00:13:18.270 --> 00:13:20.030
  • my question is why?
  • 00:13:20.030 --> 00:13:22.180
  • Why do we need to delete that?
  • 00:13:22.180 --> 00:13:23.150
  • What are we hiding, you know?
  • 00:13:23.150 --> 00:13:25.170
  • And I understand there's some
  • 00:13:25.170 --> 00:13:26.080
  • reasons for privacy, sometimes,
  • 00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:27.240
  • to delete things.
  • 00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:28.140
  • But when I say privacy I don't
  • 00:13:28.140 --> 00:13:29.130
  • mean privacy from your spouse.
  • 00:13:29.130 --> 00:13:32.010
  • Maybe privacy from your kids,
  • 00:13:32.010 --> 00:13:33.030
  • I get that, at times.
  • 00:13:33.030 --> 00:13:34.060
  • Or privacy from someone else
  • 00:13:34.060 --> 00:13:34.290
  • who uses the computer.
  • 00:13:34.290 --> 00:13:36.080
  • I understand that.
  • 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:37.100
  • But if you're keeping something
  • 00:13:37.100 --> 00:13:38.260
  • from your spouse, my question is
  • 00:13:38.260 --> 00:13:40.110
  • why?
  • 00:13:40.110 --> 00:13:41.150
  • And again, let's uncover this,
  • 00:13:41.150 --> 00:13:42.140
  • if we can.
  • 00:13:42.140 --> 00:13:43.050
  • What's really going on?
  • 00:13:43.050 --> 00:13:44.040
  • If there's some stuff going on
  • 00:13:44.040 --> 00:13:45.100
  • that you'd be a little
  • 00:13:45.100 --> 00:13:46.010
  • embarrassed for someone to see,
  • 00:13:46.010 --> 00:13:46.250
  • could it be that what's really
  • 00:13:46.250 --> 00:13:49.140
  • going on is you're trying to
  • 00:13:49.140 --> 00:13:50.060
  • escape?
  • 00:13:50.060 --> 00:13:51.080
  • And my question is who are you
  • 00:13:51.080 --> 00:13:53.230
  • trying to escape?
  • 00:13:53.230 --> 00:13:55.190
  • This is why we've gotta talk
  • 00:13:55.190 --> 00:13:56.100
  • about this 'cause really that
  • 00:13:56.100 --> 00:13:57.040
  • means you're trying to escape
  • 00:13:57.040 --> 00:13:57.260
  • our marriage, trying to escape
  • 00:13:57.260 --> 00:13:59.050
  • our relationship.
  • 00:13:59.050 --> 00:14:00.080
  • And so that's why what's going
  • 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:02.000
  • on online is such an indication
  • 00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:03.180
  • of what's going on in
  • 00:14:03.180 --> 00:14:04.120
  • the relationship.
  • 00:14:04.120 --> 00:14:05.210
  • So, you know, I just can't
  • 00:14:05.210 --> 00:14:06.250
  • figure any reason for someone
  • 00:14:06.250 --> 00:14:07.250
  • to be in certain chat rooms.
  • 00:14:07.250 --> 00:14:08.290
  • I just can't find any good
  • 00:14:08.290 --> 00:14:10.090
  • reason for someone to be going
  • 00:14:10.090 --> 00:14:12.250
  • to certain websites.
  • 00:14:12.250 --> 00:14:14.010
  • And so you gotta ask
  • 00:14:14.010 --> 00:14:14.180
  • those questions.
  • 00:14:14.180 --> 00:14:16.070
  • And then the next one we just
  • 00:14:16.070 --> 00:14:17.170
  • kinda touched on a little bit
  • 00:14:17.170 --> 00:14:18.190
  • and this is a big one and, yeah,
  • 00:14:18.190 --> 00:14:19.230
  • we're gonna go there.
  • 00:14:19.230 --> 00:14:20.160
  • Are you guys ready?
  • 00:14:20.160 --> 00:14:21.060
  • I mean, I know it's
  • 00:14:21.060 --> 00:14:21.230
  • a little daunting.
  • 00:14:22.220 --> 00:14:25.220
  • I'm sorry, Adam, but we gotta go
  • 00:14:25.220 --> 00:14:27.270
  • there, brother.
  • 00:14:27.270 --> 00:14:29.110
  • And so on this next one, it's a
  • 00:14:29.110 --> 00:14:30.270
  • little tough to talk about but,
  • 00:14:30.270 --> 00:14:33.150
  • kinda like it's we should do a
  • 00:14:33.150 --> 00:14:34.070
  • little dance here or something,
  • 00:14:34.070 --> 00:14:35.090
  • maybe, I don't know.
  • 00:14:35.090 --> 00:14:37.140
  • I don't know, but, oh,
  • 00:14:37.140 --> 00:14:38.140
  • there we go.
  • 00:14:38.140 --> 00:14:39.030
  • Here it is.
  • 00:14:39.030 --> 00:14:39.220
  • I know, it's awkward, I know.
  • 00:14:39.220 --> 00:14:40.160
  • But we gotta talk about sexual
  • 00:14:40.160 --> 00:14:42.030
  • issues and so we gotta pull the
  • 00:14:42.030 --> 00:14:44.100
  • fig leaf off and talk about some
  • 00:14:44.100 --> 00:14:46.200
  • sexual issues 'cause that is
  • 00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:47.120
  • real too.
  • 00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:48.080
  • Adam, I have to say,
  • 00:14:48.080 --> 00:14:49.120
  • I'm a little disappointed,
  • 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:50.120
  • I just have to tell you.
  • 00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:51.060
  • I don't know, I just--so many
  • 00:14:51.290 --> 00:14:54.290
  • jokes flooding my mind right
  • 00:14:54.290 --> 00:14:56.100
  • now, so many, just--I have
  • 00:14:56.100 --> 00:14:58.270
  • to stop.
  • 00:14:58.270 --> 00:14:59.160
  • Sorry.
  • 00:14:59.160 --> 00:15:00.050
  • So the deal is, is that,
  • 00:15:00.050 --> 00:15:02.090
  • you know, Adam, you're a little
  • 00:15:02.090 --> 00:15:04.120
  • underwhelming, I gotta
  • 00:15:04.120 --> 00:15:05.130
  • be honest, but that's okay.
  • 00:15:05.130 --> 00:15:07.230
  • So sexual issues, this deals
  • 00:15:07.230 --> 00:15:09.040
  • with impurity, this deals with
  • 00:15:09.040 --> 00:15:10.140
  • unfaithfulness.
  • 00:15:10.140 --> 00:15:11.100
  • This also deals with the simple
  • 00:15:11.100 --> 00:15:12.200
  • frustrations that you may have
  • 00:15:12.200 --> 00:15:13.250
  • in your sex life, that we have
  • 00:15:13.250 --> 00:15:15.140
  • to learn to verbalize these
  • 00:15:15.140 --> 00:15:16.200
  • with our spouse.
  • 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:18.200
  • It's a big deal to actually say,
  • 00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:19.090
  • "Hey, I wanna talk about this
  • 00:15:19.090 --> 00:15:19.270
  • 'cause I'm not happy with where
  • 00:15:19.270 --> 00:15:21.270
  • we are in the bedroom."
  • 00:15:21.270 --> 00:15:24.210
  • If we don't, here's the truth.
  • 00:15:24.210 --> 00:15:26.020
  • Let me tell you something.
  • 00:15:26.020 --> 00:15:26.180
  • Let me give you a truism real
  • 00:15:26.180 --> 00:15:27.170
  • quick and that--you guys aren't
  • 00:15:27.170 --> 00:15:28.190
  • even looking at me.
  • 00:15:28.190 --> 00:15:29.060
  • Could someone come take
  • 00:15:29.060 --> 00:15:29.230
  • Adam away?
  • 00:15:29.230 --> 00:15:30.110
  • This is just awkward now.
  • 00:15:30.110 --> 00:15:31.240
  • Adam needs to go.
  • 00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:33.100
  • Thank you.
  • 00:15:33.100 --> 00:15:33.270
  • Can you grab Adam?
  • 00:15:33.270 --> 00:15:34.190
  • I mean, carry Adam, not grab.
  • 00:15:34.190 --> 00:15:36.200
  • Carry, yeah, that'd be, yeah.
  • 00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:38.030
  • Thank you.
  • 00:15:38.030 --> 00:15:39.140
  • I appreciate that.
  • 00:15:39.140 --> 00:15:40.040
  • Poor Adam, he needs to go.
  • 00:15:40.040 --> 00:15:41.020
  • Oh!
  • 00:15:41.020 --> 00:15:42.200
  • Ouch!
  • 00:15:42.200 --> 00:15:44.250
  • That hurts.
  • 00:15:44.250 --> 00:15:46.190
  • Wow, poor guy.
  • 00:15:46.190 --> 00:15:48.080
  • That's, like, awkward.
  • 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:49.270
  • Now look at
  • 00:15:52.270 --> 00:15:53.130
  • Job chapter 4, verse 8,
  • 00:15:53.130 --> 00:15:54.090
  • says this, "My experience
  • 00:15:54.090 --> 00:15:55.120
  • shows that those who plant
  • 00:15:55.120 --> 00:15:56.150
  • trouble and cultivate evil
  • 00:15:56.150 --> 00:15:57.180
  • will harvest the same."
  • 00:15:57.180 --> 00:15:58.280
  • It's true.
  • 00:15:58.280 --> 00:16:00.280
  • If you just say,
  • 00:16:00.280 --> 00:16:02.070
  • "No, not gonna forgive him,
  • 00:16:02.070 --> 00:16:03.110
  • not gonna forgive her.
  • 00:16:03.110 --> 00:16:04.160
  • I'm just mad at 'em and I'm
  • 00:16:04.160 --> 00:16:05.220
  • gonna let them know and I'm
  • 00:16:05.220 --> 00:16:06.230
  • gonna punish 'em with my actions
  • 00:16:06.230 --> 00:16:08.030
  • and punish 'em with my words,"
  • 00:16:08.030 --> 00:16:09.020
  • it's gonna come back at you.
  • 00:16:09.020 --> 00:16:11.020
  • It just will.
  • 00:16:11.020 --> 00:16:11.200
  • You just need to know that
  • 00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:12.080
  • you're cultivating that to
  • 00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:13.010
  • come right back in your life.
  • 00:16:13.010 --> 00:16:13.270
  • It says in James 3:17, "But the
  • 00:16:13.270 --> 00:16:15.240
  • wisdom that comes from heaven is
  • 00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:16.270
  • first of all pure and full of
  • 00:16:16.270 --> 00:16:18.170
  • quiet gentleness.
  • 00:16:18.170 --> 00:16:19.170
  • Then it is peace-loving
  • 00:16:19.170 --> 00:16:21.030
  • and courteous.
  • 00:16:21.030 --> 00:16:22.010
  • it allows discussion and is
  • 00:16:22.010 --> 00:16:23.190
  • willing to yield to others."
  • 00:16:23.190 --> 00:16:25.130
  • Would you underline that?
  • 00:16:25.130 --> 00:16:26.070
  • Are we willing to yield
  • 00:16:26.070 --> 00:16:27.160
  • to the other person?
  • 00:16:27.160 --> 00:16:28.220
  • "It is full of mercy
  • 00:16:28.220 --> 00:16:30.030
  • and good deeds.
  • 00:16:30.030 --> 00:16:31.100
  • It is wholehearted
  • 00:16:31.100 --> 00:16:32.020
  • and straightforward and sincere.
  • 00:16:32.020 --> 00:16:33.040
  • And those who are peacemakers
  • 00:16:33.040 --> 00:16:34.100
  • will plant seeds of peace
  • 00:16:34.100 --> 00:16:35.070
  • and will reap
  • 00:16:35.070 --> 00:16:35.280
  • a harvest of goodness."
  • 00:16:35.280 --> 00:16:38.120
  • So you keep hearing these
  • 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:39.050
  • phrase, "sowing and reaping."
  • 00:16:39.050 --> 00:16:41.100
  • So if you sow kindness, you're
  • 00:16:41.100 --> 00:16:42.180
  • gonna reap kindness back
  • 00:16:42.180 --> 00:16:43.120
  • in your marriage.
  • 00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:44.010
  • If you sow anger, you're gonna
  • 00:16:44.010 --> 00:16:44.260
  • reap anger back
  • 00:16:44.260 --> 00:16:45.220
  • in your marriage.
  • 00:16:45.220 --> 00:16:46.110
  • If you sow discontent,
  • 00:16:46.110 --> 00:16:47.150
  • you'll reap discontent.
  • 00:16:47.150 --> 00:16:48.130
  • If you sow love,
  • 00:16:48.130 --> 00:16:49.110
  • you'll reap love.
  • 00:16:49.110 --> 00:16:50.160
  • If you sow servanthood, you'll
  • 00:16:50.160 --> 00:16:51.280
  • reap someone who will serve you.
  • 00:16:51.280 --> 00:16:53.210
  • And if you sow
  • 00:16:53.210 --> 00:16:54.110
  • kindness--whatever you sow,
  • 00:16:54.110 --> 00:16:56.080
  • you're gonna get back.
  • 00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:57.050
  • So here's what this means
  • 00:16:57.050 --> 00:16:57.230
  • for us.
  • 00:16:57.230 --> 00:16:58.100
  • Number three, we need to begin
  • 00:16:58.100 --> 00:16:59.120
  • investing in our marriage again
  • 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:01.230
  • so it will flourish again.
  • 00:17:01.230 --> 00:17:03.190
  • Now I've shifted the words from
  • 00:17:03.190 --> 00:17:04.160
  • relationship to marriage.
  • 00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:05.250
  • Let me tell you why.
  • 00:17:05.250 --> 00:17:07.250
  • If you're stuck on uncovering
  • 00:17:07.250 --> 00:17:10.090
  • stuff that we just talked about
  • 00:17:10.090 --> 00:17:11.200
  • and you're dating, the answer is
  • 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:13.090
  • not to work it out.
  • 00:17:13.090 --> 00:17:14.200
  • The answer is to break up.
  • 00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:17.090
  • The answer is to not continue
  • 00:17:17.090 --> 00:17:18.100
  • that relationship.
  • 00:17:18.100 --> 00:17:19.140
  • If you have major issues that
  • 00:17:19.140 --> 00:17:21.070
  • you cannot overcome, don't.
  • 00:17:21.070 --> 00:17:22.260
  • Break up, move on.
  • 00:17:22.260 --> 00:17:25.160
  • And I wanna tell you, I'm very
  • 00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:26.080
  • proud of the fact that I have
  • 00:17:26.080 --> 00:17:27.080
  • broken up more couples in
  • 00:17:27.080 --> 00:17:28.150
  • South Texas
  • 00:17:28.150 --> 00:17:29.090
  • than probably anyone.
  • 00:17:29.090 --> 00:17:31.020
  • I wear this as a badge of honor
  • 00:17:31.020 --> 00:17:32.050
  • 'cause I have saved a whole lot
  • 00:17:32.050 --> 00:17:33.070
  • of people a lot of pain and I've
  • 00:17:33.070 --> 00:17:34.260
  • basically, essentially, helped
  • 00:17:34.260 --> 00:17:36.050
  • you avoid a future divorce.
  • 00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:40.200
  • Because I would rather you avoid
  • 00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:42.050
  • that kind of pain.
  • 00:17:42.050 --> 00:17:43.110
  • I love you enough to tell you
  • 00:17:43.110 --> 00:17:43.290
  • the truth.
  • 00:17:43.290 --> 00:17:44.190
  • If you're fighting, if you're
  • 00:17:44.190 --> 00:17:45.190
  • having difficulties, you're--if
  • 00:17:45.190 --> 00:17:46.160
  • you wanna go see a counselor
  • 00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:47.100
  • and you're just dating,
  • 00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:50.120
  • don't marry this person.
  • 00:17:50.120 --> 00:17:51.270
  • Move on.
  • 00:17:51.270 --> 00:17:53.020
  • "Oh, but we've been together
  • 00:17:53.020 --> 00:17:53.290
  • for 5 years."
  • 00:17:53.290 --> 00:17:55.000
  • So length of mistake changes it
  • 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:56.250
  • from being a mistake?
  • 00:17:58.000 --> 00:18:01.020
  • You've gotta move on.
  • 00:18:01.020 --> 00:18:03.090
  • Don't waste your time
  • 00:18:03.090 --> 00:18:04.280
  • or their time any longer.
  • 00:18:04.280 --> 00:18:06.220
  • And have the faith to believe
  • 00:18:06.220 --> 00:18:08.050
  • that God has someone better out
  • 00:18:08.050 --> 00:18:09.060
  • there for you and for them.
  • 00:18:09.060 --> 00:18:11.270
  • If they have the faith
  • 00:18:11.270 --> 00:18:12.170
  • to believe that.
  • 00:18:12.170 --> 00:18:13.190
  • He does.
  • 00:18:13.190 --> 00:18:15.280
  • And you will look back one day
  • 00:18:15.280 --> 00:18:17.110
  • and you will be grateful for
  • 00:18:17.110 --> 00:18:19.060
  • the tough decision you made.
  • 00:18:19.060 --> 00:18:20.160
  • It will bring honor to you
  • 00:18:20.160 --> 00:18:21.230
  • and to your future
  • 00:18:21.230 --> 00:18:23.080
  • and to your children.
  • 00:18:23.080 --> 00:18:24.090
  • So I wanna encourage you
  • 00:18:24.090 --> 00:18:25.030
  • to do that.
  • 00:18:25.030 --> 00:18:25.200
  • That's a big deal.
  • 00:18:25.200 --> 00:18:26.070
  • But I wanna talk about it so
  • 00:18:26.070 --> 00:18:27.030
  • let's just shift gears from that
  • 00:18:27.030 --> 00:18:28.090
  • and maybe some of you have
  • 00:18:28.090 --> 00:18:29.130
  • a hard decision to make today.
  • 00:18:29.130 --> 00:18:30.100
  • We totally get that, okay?
  • 00:18:30.100 --> 00:18:31.280
  • And we're gonna pray for you.
  • 00:18:31.280 --> 00:18:32.230
  • And by the way, the best way to
  • 00:18:32.230 --> 00:18:33.240
  • make that decision is to make it
  • 00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:35.010
  • and, at the same time, go to
  • 00:18:35.010 --> 00:18:36.200
  • your three or four Christian
  • 00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:37.180
  • friends, maybe that came to
  • 00:18:37.180 --> 00:18:38.150
  • church with you today, or get in
  • 00:18:38.150 --> 00:18:39.290
  • a Small Group, and tell them,
  • 00:18:39.290 --> 00:18:41.090
  • "I need your help.
  • 00:18:41.090 --> 00:18:42.050
  • I need you to hold me
  • 00:18:42.050 --> 00:18:42.230
  • accountable, otherwise I'm gonna
  • 00:18:42.230 --> 00:18:43.180
  • vacillate and fall right back
  • 00:18:43.180 --> 00:18:44.150
  • into this relationship again
  • 00:18:44.150 --> 00:18:45.140
  • with this person."
  • 00:18:45.140 --> 00:18:46.110
  • You know what I'm talking about.
  • 00:18:46.110 --> 00:18:47.080
  • So surround yourself with people
  • 00:18:47.080 --> 00:18:48.120
  • who can help you follow through
  • 00:18:48.120 --> 00:18:50.080
  • with that right decision
  • 00:18:50.080 --> 00:18:51.230
  • emotionally.
  • 00:18:51.230 --> 00:18:53.010
  • You gotta surround 'em.
  • 00:18:53.010 --> 00:18:53.230
  • It's a great time to lose your
  • 00:18:53.230 --> 00:18:54.240
  • number, change your number,
  • 00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:55.220
  • right?
  • 00:18:55.220 --> 00:18:56.260
  • You know, get a new phone if you
  • 00:18:56.260 --> 00:18:58.260
  • have to, you know, get around
  • 00:18:58.260 --> 00:19:00.130
  • people that can help you
  • 00:19:00.130 --> 00:19:01.040
  • fulfill that.
  • 00:19:01.040 --> 00:19:01.280
  • That's a big deal.
  • 00:19:01.280 --> 00:19:02.150
  • But listen, those of you who
  • 00:19:02.150 --> 00:19:03.120
  • are married.
  • 00:19:03.120 --> 00:19:04.170
  • This is a big deal.
  • 00:19:04.170 --> 00:19:05.130
  • There's not an option
  • 00:19:05.130 --> 00:19:06.040
  • once you're married.
  • 00:19:06.040 --> 00:19:06.280
  • You're supposed to work this out
  • 00:19:06.280 --> 00:19:08.020
  • and I believe it's God's will
  • 00:19:08.020 --> 00:19:08.280
  • for you to do that.
  • 00:19:08.280 --> 00:19:09.200
  • And so what do we do?
  • 00:19:09.200 --> 00:19:10.220
  • We begin investing in our
  • 00:19:10.220 --> 00:19:11.130
  • marriage again.
  • 00:19:11.130 --> 00:19:12.100
  • Don't you remember when you were
  • 00:19:12.100 --> 00:19:12.290
  • dating, back in the day?
  • 00:19:12.290 --> 00:19:14.070
  • You'd call up--remember, guys,
  • 00:19:14.070 --> 00:19:15.070
  • you'd call up your
  • 00:19:15.070 --> 00:19:15.290
  • then-girlfriend or maybe you
  • 00:19:15.290 --> 00:19:17.260
  • were newly married and you were
  • 00:19:17.260 --> 00:19:18.250
  • gonna take 'em out that night,
  • 00:19:18.250 --> 00:19:19.130
  • right?
  • 00:19:19.130 --> 00:19:20.020
  • And you'd call up and you'd get
  • 00:19:20.020 --> 00:19:20.210
  • that deep Barry White voice
  • 00:19:20.210 --> 00:19:21.160
  • going, "Hey, baby,
  • 00:19:21.160 --> 00:19:23.120
  • how you doing?
  • 00:19:23.120 --> 00:19:24.010
  • I'm gonna come by, pick you up
  • 00:19:24.010 --> 00:19:24.200
  • around 7 tonight.
  • 00:19:24.200 --> 00:19:25.140
  • Does that sound good?"
  • 00:19:25.140 --> 00:19:26.120
  • "Okay."
  • 00:19:26.120 --> 00:19:27.140
  • Right?
  • 00:19:27.140 --> 00:19:28.000
  • So then you get off the phone,
  • 00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:29.020
  • right?
  • 00:19:29.020 --> 00:19:29.180
  • It's noon on Friday.
  • 00:19:29.180 --> 00:19:30.290
  • You start cleaning the car now,
  • 00:19:30.290 --> 00:19:32.170
  • right?
  • 00:19:32.170 --> 00:19:33.050
  • I mean, you just make it spic
  • 00:19:33.050 --> 00:19:34.020
  • and span, perfect, super-clean.
  • 00:19:34.020 --> 00:19:36.140
  • You're waxing the whole thing,
  • 00:19:36.140 --> 00:19:37.270
  • you're showered up, you lay out
  • 00:19:37.270 --> 00:19:39.140
  • your three favorite shirts.
  • 00:19:39.140 --> 00:19:40.100
  • "I'm gonna wear that one, the
  • 00:19:40.100 --> 00:19:41.040
  • one that shows off my muscles."
  • 00:19:41.040 --> 00:19:42.180
  • You know, you get
  • 00:19:42.180 --> 00:19:43.040
  • the right clothes.
  • 00:19:43.040 --> 00:19:43.240
  • You're dousing yourself in,
  • 00:19:43.240 --> 00:19:44.180
  • you know, perfume, cologne,
  • 00:19:44.180 --> 00:19:46.100
  • whatever.
  • 00:19:46.100 --> 00:19:46.250
  • And you'll want everything
  • 00:19:46.250 --> 00:19:47.200
  • to go perfect.
  • 00:19:47.200 --> 00:19:48.060
  • You've got the whole date
  • 00:19:48.060 --> 00:19:49.040
  • planned out.
  • 00:19:49.040 --> 00:19:49.220
  • You've got a wad of cash ready
  • 00:19:49.220 --> 00:19:50.200
  • to blow on her at any second.
  • 00:19:50.200 --> 00:19:51.190
  • You're ready to do this right.
  • 00:19:51.190 --> 00:19:53.180
  • Right, now, since the date's at
  • 00:19:53.180 --> 00:19:54.250
  • 7, she starts getting ready at
  • 00:19:54.250 --> 00:19:56.080
  • 3 in the afternoon.
  • 00:19:56.080 --> 00:19:57.220
  • She's got 28 outfits laid out
  • 00:19:57.220 --> 00:19:59.080
  • all over the bed.
  • 00:19:59.080 --> 00:20:00.030
  • She's invited her
  • 00:20:00.030 --> 00:20:00.260
  • three girlfriends over
  • 00:20:00.260 --> 00:20:01.240
  • to try on at least
  • 00:20:01.240 --> 00:20:02.200
  • 16 of those outfits and then,
  • 00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:04.070
  • eventually, at 7 o'clock
  • 00:20:04.070 --> 00:20:05.060
  • when she opens the door when you
  • 00:20:05.060 --> 00:20:06.040
  • knock on the door and you go,
  • 00:20:06.040 --> 00:20:07.040
  • "Wow, you look amazing," she
  • 00:20:07.040 --> 00:20:08.130
  • goes, "Oh, this old thing?"
  • 00:20:08.130 --> 00:20:10.150
  • [congregation laughing]
  • 00:20:10.150 --> 00:20:12.110
  • And then you go out, right?
  • 00:20:12.110 --> 00:20:13.110
  • And you're on this date and then
  • 00:20:13.110 --> 00:20:14.210
  • you order food.
  • 00:20:14.210 --> 00:20:15.140
  • She's been starving herself
  • 00:20:15.140 --> 00:20:16.090
  • all day long to get in that
  • 00:20:16.090 --> 00:20:17.130
  • little old thing.
  • 00:20:17.130 --> 00:20:19.240
  • And so you order food.
  • 00:20:19.240 --> 00:20:20.120
  • "What would you like to eat,
  • 00:20:20.120 --> 00:20:21.060
  • honey?"
  • 00:20:21.060 --> 00:20:21.220
  • And she goes, "Oh, I'll just
  • 00:20:21.220 --> 00:20:22.100
  • have a little salad, thank you."
  • 00:20:22.100 --> 00:20:23.170
  • And she just picks at it
  • 00:20:23.170 --> 00:20:24.130
  • lightly.
  • 00:20:24.130 --> 00:20:25.000
  • You don't know that when she
  • 00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:25.190
  • goes home later,
  • 00:20:25.190 --> 00:20:26.080
  • she ordered a pizza.
  • 00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:29.160
  • What I'm trying to say is this.
  • 00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:31.250
  • We put our best foot forward,
  • 00:20:31.250 --> 00:20:33.190
  • don't we?
  • 00:20:33.190 --> 00:20:35.010
  • We're investing in this
  • 00:20:35.010 --> 00:20:36.010
  • relationship like crazy.
  • 00:20:36.010 --> 00:20:37.010
  • We're making sure everything's
  • 00:20:37.010 --> 00:20:37.200
  • perfect, that everything's
  • 00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:38.150
  • just right.
  • 00:20:38.150 --> 00:20:39.060
  • And we got everything planned
  • 00:20:39.060 --> 00:20:40.100
  • down to the minute.
  • 00:20:40.100 --> 00:20:41.110
  • Everything is laid out perfect.
  • 00:20:41.110 --> 00:20:42.270
  • We are pouring our soul,
  • 00:20:42.270 --> 00:20:44.210
  • our heart, our money, our time,
  • 00:20:44.210 --> 00:20:46.230
  • investing in one another.
  • 00:20:46.230 --> 00:20:48.050
  • No wonder it feels so much
  • 00:20:48.050 --> 00:20:50.060
  • like love.
  • 00:20:50.060 --> 00:20:52.110
  • But then we quit doing all those
  • 00:20:52.110 --> 00:20:53.040
  • things and we wonder why we're
  • 00:20:53.040 --> 00:20:54.130
  • not reaping any dividends
  • 00:20:54.130 --> 00:20:55.130
  • anymore.
  • 00:20:55.130 --> 00:20:56.270
  • You're not investing anymore.
  • 00:20:56.270 --> 00:20:58.150
  • You start investing again,
  • 00:20:58.150 --> 00:20:59.110
  • you'll reap the benefits again.
  • 00:20:59.110 --> 00:21:01.010
  • Charles Schwab was right.
  • 00:21:01.010 --> 00:21:03.110
  • You've gotta have disciplined
  • 00:21:03.110 --> 00:21:04.110
  • investing over a lifetime.
  • 00:21:04.110 --> 00:21:06.260
  • But not just with your
  • 00:21:06.260 --> 00:21:07.130
  • mutual fund.
  • 00:21:07.130 --> 00:21:08.250
  • With your marriage.
  • 00:21:08.250 --> 00:21:10.050
  • In fact, by the way, every good
  • 00:21:10.050 --> 00:21:11.180
  • investor will tells you, when
  • 00:21:11.180 --> 00:21:13.060
  • the market goes down, invest
  • 00:21:13.060 --> 00:21:14.270
  • more because then you hit
  • 00:21:16.020 --> 00:21:19.020
  • new highs.
  • 00:21:19.020 --> 00:21:21.130
  • So the bottom line is this,
  • 00:21:21.130 --> 00:21:23.050
  • we need to, number three, begin
  • 00:21:23.050 --> 00:21:24.130
  • investing in our marriage again.
  • 00:21:24.260 --> 00:21:27.260
  • Pour in again.
  • 00:21:27.260 --> 00:21:29.150
  • Plan those date nights again.
  • 00:21:29.150 --> 00:21:30.210
  • Who said you should quit dating?
  • 00:21:30.210 --> 00:21:32.070
  • I've been married over 20 years
  • 00:21:32.070 --> 00:21:33.190
  • and I'm still dating my spouse.
  • 00:21:33.190 --> 00:21:35.190
  • It's a wonderful thing,
  • 00:21:35.190 --> 00:21:37.020
  • you know.
  • 00:21:37.020 --> 00:21:37.220
  • We're still planning trips
  • 00:21:37.220 --> 00:21:38.220
  • together and planning time
  • 00:21:38.220 --> 00:21:39.290
  • together.
  • 00:21:39.290 --> 00:21:40.220
  • It's a great thing.
  • 00:21:40.220 --> 00:21:42.150
  • And so we still invest in
  • 00:21:42.150 --> 00:21:45.090
  • one another.
  • 00:21:45.090 --> 00:21:47.130
  • That's a big deal.
  • 00:21:47.130 --> 00:21:48.070
  • And so if you'll keep doing
  • 00:21:48.070 --> 00:21:48.280
  • that, you'll get those results,
  • 00:21:48.280 --> 00:21:50.230
  • those dividends, that you want
  • 00:21:50.230 --> 00:21:51.250
  • again, if you begin to pour into
  • 00:21:51.250 --> 00:21:53.160
  • them again, you know?
  • 00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:54.190
  • Send flowers, send a note,
  • 00:21:54.190 --> 00:21:56.150
  • a sweet text.
  • 00:21:56.150 --> 00:21:57.120
  • Don't always call home just
  • 00:21:57.120 --> 00:21:58.130
  • about business.
  • 00:21:58.130 --> 00:21:59.150
  • Call home just to say, "I just
  • 00:21:59.150 --> 00:22:00.110
  • wanted to call and tell you
  • 00:22:00.110 --> 00:22:01.080
  • I'm crazy about you.
  • 00:22:01.080 --> 00:22:03.000
  • I just wanted to call and tell
  • 00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:03.220
  • you I love you," right?
  • 00:22:03.220 --> 00:22:04.280
  • and so, you know, keep investing
  • 00:22:04.280 --> 00:22:07.160
  • in one another.
  • 00:22:07.160 --> 00:22:08.270
  • Get the door for one another,
  • 00:22:08.270 --> 00:22:10.080
  • you know?
  • 00:22:10.080 --> 00:22:11.020
  • It's a big deal.
  • 00:22:11.020 --> 00:22:12.000
  • You know, guys, we should be
  • 00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:12.180
  • getting the door for our wives.
  • 00:22:12.180 --> 00:22:13.250
  • Someone told me one time, if a
  • 00:22:13.250 --> 00:22:15.030
  • man opens a car door for his
  • 00:22:15.030 --> 00:22:16.100
  • wife, you can be sure of
  • 00:22:16.100 --> 00:22:17.080
  • one thing.
  • 00:22:17.080 --> 00:22:17.240
  • Either the car is new or
  • 00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:18.190
  • the wife is new.
  • 00:22:18.190 --> 00:22:19.260
  • [congregation laughing]
  • 00:22:21.120 --> 00:22:24.120
  • We should be getting the door
  • 00:22:24.120 --> 00:22:25.210
  • for our spouse, right?
  • 00:22:25.210 --> 00:22:27.260
  • Being polite.
  • 00:22:27.260 --> 00:22:29.110
  • Don't pick your teeth
  • 00:22:29.110 --> 00:22:29.290
  • at the table.
  • 00:22:29.290 --> 00:22:32.020
  • Get your elbows off the table.
  • 00:22:32.020 --> 00:22:33.120
  • Don't belch, right?
  • 00:22:33.120 --> 00:22:35.040
  • Don't pass gas in front of
  • 00:22:35.040 --> 00:22:36.020
  • each other.
  • 00:22:36.020 --> 00:22:36.210
  • Not good, no.
  • 00:22:36.210 --> 00:22:38.220
  • Go in the bathroom.
  • 00:22:38.220 --> 00:22:39.110
  • Close the door.
  • 00:22:39.110 --> 00:22:40.140
  • That's not romantic.
  • 00:22:40.140 --> 00:22:42.280
  • My point is this.
  • 00:22:42.280 --> 00:22:43.180
  • You know what happens?
  • 00:22:43.180 --> 00:22:44.160
  • We get too casual with
  • 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:45.040
  • each other, don't we?
  • 00:22:45.040 --> 00:22:47.080
  • We do.
  • 00:22:47.080 --> 00:22:48.230
  • We just get too casual with
  • 00:22:48.230 --> 00:22:49.200
  • each other.
  • 00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:50.060
  • God wants us to raise the bar
  • 00:22:50.060 --> 00:22:51.140
  • and begin investing in
  • 00:22:51.140 --> 00:22:52.170
  • one another again.
  • 00:22:52.170 --> 00:22:55.170
  • Over a lifetime, that's how we
  • 00:22:55.170 --> 00:22:56.290
  • should invest in one another.
  • 00:22:56.290 --> 00:22:58.140
  • And if you're in a downturn in
  • 00:22:58.140 --> 00:23:00.110
  • the market of your marriage,
  • 00:23:00.110 --> 00:23:01.110
  • pour more in.
  • 00:23:01.110 --> 00:23:02.270
  • Invest more than ever,
  • 00:23:02.270 --> 00:23:03.290
  • and it'll come back.
  • 00:23:03.290 --> 00:23:05.290
  • It really will.back.
  • 00:23:05.290 --> 00:23:07.020
  • Last thing I wanna tell you
  • 00:23:07.020 --> 00:23:07.190
  • is this.
  • 00:23:07.190 --> 00:23:08.040
  • Job 8, verse 7, says this,
  • 00:23:08.040 --> 00:23:09.050
  • "Although your former state was
  • 00:23:09.050 --> 00:23:10.040
  • ordinary, your future will be
  • 00:23:10.040 --> 00:23:11.220
  • extraordinary."
  • 00:23:11.220 --> 00:23:13.260
  • You know what this means?
  • 00:23:13.260 --> 00:23:14.260
  • This means, number four,
  • 00:23:14.260 --> 00:23:15.150
  • we need to believe in our
  • 00:23:15.150 --> 00:23:16.170
  • marriages again.
  • 00:23:16.170 --> 00:23:18.110
  • We need to believe in our
  • 00:23:18.110 --> 00:23:20.000
  • marriage again.
  • 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:20.270
  • Another way of putting this is
  • 00:23:20.270 --> 00:23:21.170
  • to believe in your spouse again.
  • 00:23:21.170 --> 00:23:23.070
  • That's actually probably
  • 00:23:23.070 --> 00:23:23.250
  • a better way to put it.
  • 00:23:23.250 --> 00:23:24.100
  • We should believe in our
  • 00:23:24.100 --> 00:23:25.280
  • spouse again.
  • 00:23:25.280 --> 00:23:26.170
  • If you believe your spouse is
  • 00:23:26.170 --> 00:23:27.130
  • an idiot, you'll find all kind
  • 00:23:27.130 --> 00:23:28.220
  • of evidence for it.
  • 00:23:28.220 --> 00:23:31.050
  • If you believe your spouse is
  • 00:23:31.050 --> 00:23:31.280
  • amazing, you'll also find
  • 00:23:31.280 --> 00:23:33.220
  • all kinds of evidence for that.
  • 00:23:33.220 --> 00:23:36.010
  • It's really based upon
  • 00:23:36.010 --> 00:23:36.250
  • your belief.
  • 00:23:36.250 --> 00:23:37.190
  • You've gotta choose to find
  • 00:23:37.190 --> 00:23:38.200
  • the good in the one you love.
  • 00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:40.190
  • And if you begin to believe
  • 00:23:40.190 --> 00:23:42.000
  • again, things can turn around.
  • 00:23:42.000 --> 00:23:43.060
  • I have people tell me all kinds
  • 00:23:43.060 --> 00:23:44.040
  • of reasons why they go
  • 00:23:44.040 --> 00:23:45.010
  • through a divorce.
  • 00:23:45.010 --> 00:23:46.000
  • "Well, we got a divorce."
  • 00:23:46.000 --> 00:23:46.220
  • Why?
  • 00:23:46.220 --> 00:23:47.070
  • "Well, you know, they cheated.
  • 00:23:47.070 --> 00:23:47.260
  • Well, you know, they were
  • 00:23:47.260 --> 00:23:48.290
  • unfaithful with their eyes.
  • 00:23:48.290 --> 00:23:50.020
  • Well, you know, they let
  • 00:23:50.020 --> 00:23:50.180
  • themselves go physically
  • 00:23:50.180 --> 00:23:51.200
  • or emotionally.
  • 00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:52.180
  • Or well, you know what,
  • 00:23:52.180 --> 00:23:53.100
  • we just weren't compatible."
  • 00:23:53.100 --> 00:23:54.280
  • That's my favorite one, of
  • 00:23:54.280 --> 00:23:55.200
  • course, as if two people are
  • 00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:57.020
  • ever really compatible,
  • 00:23:57.020 --> 00:23:58.020
  • you know.
  • 00:23:58.020 --> 00:23:58.220
  • Listen, marriage is simply--the
  • 00:23:58.220 --> 00:24:00.190
  • definition of marriage is
  • 00:24:00.190 --> 00:24:01.120
  • two incompatible people
  • 00:24:01.120 --> 00:24:02.220
  • choosing to be compatible.
  • 00:24:02.220 --> 00:24:05.170
  • That's what marriage really is.
  • 00:24:05.170 --> 00:24:06.070
  • No one's compatible.
  • 00:24:06.070 --> 00:24:08.210
  • I keep telling my wife, "Our
  • 00:24:08.210 --> 00:24:10.150
  • marriage would go so much better
  • 00:24:10.150 --> 00:24:11.060
  • if you'd just get with
  • 00:24:11.060 --> 00:24:11.270
  • the program, be like me,"
  • 00:24:11.270 --> 00:24:13.140
  • I mean, we're just different.
  • 00:24:13.140 --> 00:24:16.110
  • We are.
  • 00:24:16.110 --> 00:24:16.280
  • We come from different
  • 00:24:16.280 --> 00:24:17.150
  • backgrounds, different
  • 00:24:17.150 --> 00:24:18.040
  • temperaments, different ways of
  • 00:24:18.040 --> 00:24:18.290
  • thinking of things.
  • 00:24:18.290 --> 00:24:19.260
  • But that's what also makes it
  • 00:24:19.260 --> 00:24:21.010
  • interesting and makes it fun.
  • 00:24:21.010 --> 00:24:23.050
  • And so, understand that
  • 00:24:23.050 --> 00:24:24.060
  • that's part of it.
  • 00:24:24.060 --> 00:24:24.280
  • But the real reason why people
  • 00:24:24.280 --> 00:24:26.070
  • get divorced.
  • 00:24:26.070 --> 00:24:27.130
  • The real reason, no matter what
  • 00:24:27.130 --> 00:24:28.120
  • label you call it.
  • 00:24:28.120 --> 00:24:29.170
  • The true reason is that someone,
  • 00:24:29.170 --> 00:24:31.110
  • one or both of you,
  • 00:24:31.110 --> 00:24:32.070
  • just quit believing in it.
  • 00:24:32.260 --> 00:24:35.260
  • That's the real reason.
  • 00:24:35.260 --> 00:24:37.070
  • And if you choose to believe in
  • 00:24:37.070 --> 00:24:39.070
  • your spouse again, there's
  • 00:24:39.070 --> 00:24:40.170
  • You just have to believe again.
  • 00:24:44.150 --> 00:24:46.170
  • You have to say,
  • 00:24:46.170 --> 00:24:47.020
  • "I believe in you.
  • 00:24:47.040 --> 00:24:50.040
  • And I believe in us.
  • 00:24:50.040 --> 00:24:51.280
  • And I believe in getting naked
  • 00:24:51.280 --> 00:24:53.200
  • and unashamed."
  • 00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:56.190
  • That's what God wants.
  • 00:24:56.190 --> 00:24:58.120
  • That's his plan for you.
  • 00:24:58.120 --> 00:24:59.230
  • A lifetime of that.
  • 00:24:59.230 --> 00:25:01.010
  • One with each other.
  • 00:25:01.010 --> 00:25:02.290
  • No secrets.
  • 00:25:02.290 --> 00:25:05.000
  • You know me and I fully
  • 00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:06.190
  • know you.
  • 00:25:06.190 --> 00:25:07.150
  • And I embrace you for who you
  • 00:25:07.150 --> 00:25:08.270
  • are and I love you and I wanna
  • 00:25:08.270 --> 00:25:10.200
  • be one.
  • 00:25:10.200 --> 00:25:12.050
  • That's the way God wants it.
  • 00:25:12.050 --> 00:25:14.080
  • Maybe today, God brought you
  • 00:25:14.080 --> 00:25:16.100
  • here just to say this simple
  • 00:25:16.100 --> 00:25:17.110
  • truth that you just need to
  • 00:25:17.110 --> 00:25:18.200
  • choose to believe in your
  • 00:25:18.200 --> 00:25:20.160
  • spouse again.
  • 00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:22.170
  • Maybe that's your prayer today.
  • 00:25:22.170 --> 00:25:23.290
  • Say, "God, help me to believe
  • 00:25:23.290 --> 00:25:25.290
  • again that it's not gonna be
  • 00:25:25.290 --> 00:25:27.250
  • normal, ordinary.
  • 00:25:27.250 --> 00:25:29.000
  • It's gonna be better."
  • 00:25:29.000 --> 00:25:31.030
  • God's not trying to get you to
  • 00:25:31.030 --> 00:25:31.260
  • go back in time to when it used
  • 00:25:31.260 --> 00:25:33.000
  • to be good.
  • 00:25:33.000 --> 00:25:33.230
  • He's trying to get you to go
  • 00:25:33.230 --> 00:25:34.120
  • forward in time where it's even
  • 00:25:34.120 --> 00:25:35.160
  • better than when it was good.
  • 00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:37.130
  • That's what God has
  • 00:25:37.130 --> 00:25:39.180
  • - Bil: Hey, thanks so much for
  • 00:25:47.140 --> 00:25:48.110
  • watching the program today.
  • 00:25:48.110 --> 00:25:49.220
  • I've got a question for you.
  • 00:25:49.220 --> 00:25:51.070
  • Have you asked Jesus Christ to
  • 00:25:51.070 --> 00:25:52.110
  • be your Lord and Savior?
  • 00:25:52.110 --> 00:25:54.060
  • Have you prayed a simple prayer
  • 00:25:54.060 --> 00:25:55.240
  • that guarantees that you will go
  • 00:25:55.240 --> 00:25:57.260
  • to heaven because
  • 00:25:57.260 --> 00:25:58.200
  • you know Jesus?
  • 00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:00.140
  • Would you pray this prayer
  • 00:26:00.140 --> 00:26:01.070
  • with me right now?
  • 00:26:01.070 --> 00:26:02.080
  • You can just say this out loud.
  • 00:26:02.080 --> 00:26:03.150
  • You can say, "Dear Jesus,
  • 00:26:03.150 --> 00:26:04.260
  • I realize I need you.
  • 00:26:04.260 --> 00:26:06.240
  • I believe you died on the cross
  • 00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:08.010
  • for me to pay the price
  • 00:26:08.010 --> 00:26:09.120
  • for my sins
  • 00:26:09.120 --> 00:26:10.180
  • and I believe you rose again.
  • 00:26:10.180 --> 00:26:11.290
  • Please come into my heart,
  • 00:26:11.290 --> 00:26:13.130
  • be my Lord and be my Savior.
  • 00:26:13.130 --> 00:26:15.280
  • Thank you, Jesus, for saving me.
  • 00:26:15.280 --> 00:26:18.090
  • - female announcer: Excuses may
  • 00:26:22.230 --> 00:26:23.120
  • be the only thing keeping you
  • 00:26:23.120 --> 00:26:24.150
  • from who God has called you
  • 00:26:24.150 --> 00:26:25.130
  • to be.
  • 00:26:25.130 --> 00:26:26.060
  • In his new DVD message,
  • 00:26:26.060 --> 00:26:27.130
  • Pastor Bil teaches us
  • 00:26:27.130 --> 00:26:28.120
  • how to overcome
  • 00:26:28.120 --> 00:26:29.050
  • the most common excuses
  • 00:26:29.050 --> 00:26:30.130
  • - Bil: You see God what
  • 00:26:33.140 --> 00:26:34.190
  • he speaks over you is the truth.
  • 00:26:34.190 --> 00:26:36.000
  • Don't let the devil label you
  • 00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:37.070
  • because a label becomes a libel,
  • 00:26:37.070 --> 00:26:38.260
  • it becomes a lie.
  • 00:26:38.260 --> 00:26:39.290
  • It's not what the devil says
  • 00:26:39.290 --> 00:26:41.120
  • you are or what you have done
  • 00:26:41.120 --> 00:26:43.010
  • that matters.
  • 00:26:43.010 --> 00:26:43.180
  • It's what God says you are
  • 00:26:43.180 --> 00:26:44.240
  • and he says you're his child
  • 00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:46.160
  • - announcer: As a thank you
  • 00:26:50.010 --> 00:26:50.220
  • for your gift of any amount
  • 00:26:50.220 --> 00:26:51.240
  • to Bil Cornelius Ministries,
  • 00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:53.110
  • we would like to send you
  • 00:26:53.110 --> 00:26:54.090
  • a copy of,
  • 00:26:54.090 --> 00:26:55.000
  • "Straight Outta Excuses:
  • 00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:56.050
  • Make Some Noise."
  • 00:26:56.050 --> 00:26:57.180
  • For a gift of $40 or more you
  • 00:26:57.180 --> 00:26:59.130
  • can receive the complete series,
  • 00:26:59.130 --> 00:27:00.270
  • "Straight Outta Excuses" which
  • 00:27:00.270 --> 00:27:02.050
  • To request your copy
  • 00:27:05.250 --> 00:27:06.250
  • of "Make Some Noise"
  • 00:27:06.250 --> 00:27:07.230
  • or to request the entire
  • 00:27:07.230 --> 00:27:08.280
  • "Strait Outta Excuses" series,
  • 00:27:08.280 --> 00:27:10.210
  • call 855-357-4422
  • 00:27:10.210 --> 00:27:13.200
  • CC by Aberdeen Captioning 1-800-688-6621 www.abercap.com
  • 00:27:17.170 --> 00:27:19.170